Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3207. page

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I'm in my 30s now and have no job or the slightest clue what to do with my future.

It has always been the same. I go through long periods of inertia where my mood is very changeable but in general I'm just distracted and wasting time and feeling frustrated and guilty about it. Then I get my shit together briefly and think I've found "The Answer". I become obsessed with a potential career idea and I'm genuinely enthralled by it. I've tried entrepreneurship, art, graphic design and coding amongst other fads over recent years. No matter how convinced I am at the time that I have found my "calling", within a short space of time I lose all interest to the point I am actually repelled by the passions I previously held.

The alternative is a McJob somewhere with no future whatsoever. You would think that alone would spur me into prolonged and focused action on achieving some other career goal. But instead I just procrastinate and have a collection of vague, idealised career possibilities swilling around inside my head and no motivation to make them a reality. Why would I bother? Past experience tells me that it won't last anyway.

The bottom line is that I grew up not understanding the virtue of hard work. I simply cannot deal with the idea of a job, even as a means to an end. I tell myself its because I am somehow "out of the box" compared to all the other "slaves" to the system etc. But deep down I know I'd do just about anything for a big pay packet, just like everyone else.

I can't go on like this. My life has reached a critical point. If I don't act now, I am fucked forever. But I can't get out of my work-averse, anti-ratrace mindset. And frustratingly, possible alternatives like re-training etc don't motivate me either. I'm just floating doing NOTHING

I'm not sure I'm even making sense here. I'm just desperate for some advice. I'm so fucking sick of myself its unreal.

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Is the lack of hobbies a major turn off for women?

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I've realized in recent years that I've had a porn addiction for a long time now. I've tried to quit several times, most successfully for nearly 4 months just two years ago, but have always ended up going back to my bad habits.
This has gotten even more problematic since breaking up with my long-term girlfriend about a month ago. I now find myself wasting a lot my time on porn, masturbating instead of working out, missing dead lines at work or sleep because I was masturbating, etc.
Do I have any chance of breaking out of this miserable addiction? I hate what it does to me, but it's one of the only things that still give me pleasure in life.

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What do you think of men wearing these type of hats in Winter - should I stick with a beanie?

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I have an interview in 3 hours and I'm incredibly nervous and unprepared. KNees walk arms spaghetti

How do I pass my interview, /lit?/

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Ok adv, should I feel guilty because my ex gf is fucking me.
We are like friends with benefits.
>been over 2years together
>broke up
>she moved, I moved
>she found great guy, they are together
>she fucks behind his back with me
>he doesnt satisfy her, lack of skill, maybe a litlle bit of size, erection, fast cuming, he is doing too much of oral on her
>she doesnt like it, its totaly not good for her, also he even wants sex all the time, she is not into it, many females dont like it.
>my ex wanted my aproach having long foreplay, long sex, many orgasms and it lasted for 1hour at least, he doesnt bring that up.

Question is, should I feel quilty?
Should she feel guilty?
She is his premium girl, he is great personality but he is not some pretty guy, average type with low sex performance.
Before start judging me there is 100000% acurate quote:
"BAD sex is 90% of relationship, GOOD sex is only 10%"
Even Romans had that "Penis bonus pax in domus"

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Gonna try to word this the best I can. I'm 22 and over the past week I've been tying to ask out this girl I met through mutual friends. I've finally thought I gathered enough courage to ask, but the dumbest shit happened. This one person who I can't stand comes by and we all start talking. When I got back to my appartment later that night the girl texts me asking "Hey is __ a nice guy I think he's cute". Instantly I just tell her that I don't like the guy. The thing is, I'm not just being some pussy, this girl has been showing interest in me as well.

Basically what I'm asking is I plan on asking her out today. Should I still go for it?

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How the fuck do I make friends in Manhattan?

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I've been very depressed over the past 3 months and it's starting to greatly cripple me. I can feel my friends lose respect for me, I'm not eating, I'm not working out, and I'm doing a lot of drugs. I don't feel happy at all. I feel betrayed by my best friend of 5 years, I've never had a true emotional and intimate connection with a girl and I'm 25, I don't know where my degree is going to take me, and most of all I just feel lost and completely alone. Everyone used to think I was the person who could really do something great with his life, and now everything has just been falling apart since the summer began and my friends who I cared about a lot are just not there for me as support.

I don't know what to do. I just want to run away to somewhere new and start over, but I know that if I fail somewhere new, then I am finished... for good.

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I found myself enjoying hardcore and fetish porn/h-manga more than vanilla and I want to stop that.
Is there any way?

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Do adults have crushes/fall in love for real or is that just a teenager thing?

It hasn't happened since the last one wore off three years ago and it's starting to get boring.

Like, I know I'd have a snowball's chance in hell to ever even be attractive to someone who wouldn't be attractive to me, and I'll never date someone I could actually love, but I miss that now that it's stopped happening.

Also, how do you keep being completely undesirable in a romantic sense from putting a dent on your self-esteem? People keep talking about being a good person and being lovable like they're one and the same.

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Why does nothing ever seem to go right with men?

It seems that when you break up with them, or get into a spat, they immediately become hostile and bitter towards you; even the nicest ones. I don't think a single one of my ex-boyfriends respond to me positively these days. They just act so disgruntled and astringent. And even with men you didn't have much involvement in, they still take it so hard and personally when you have to drop them.

One example was a classmate I got partnered up with in a my dance class of mine, who I was really get into. But after while, for reasons I still don't understand, I wasn't just feeling the chemistry anymore. So I found a new partner, and tried to gently break the news to him. And when I begged him not to take it too personally, he literally told me to piss off. So when I recently saw him again, I tried to be as friendly as I could, trying to initiate a conversation. But my attempts resulted in him invariably saying "yeah, yeah, I remember you. Please don't fucking talk to me," before walking out.

Again, I don't know why nothing ever seems to go right with men. Though, I've noticed an age discrepancy between them. Younger men seem more shy and timid, and still act polite, even when they seemingly don't want to. At best, they behave awkwardly; at worst, they don't take the hint and keep persisting. While older men are more aggressive and acerbic.

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Should I leave my girlfriend to enjoy my early 20's as a single man?

A little background: I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years now. She's 19 and i'm 22. We have shared a lot together and I do enjoy her company most of the time. She's very easy to get along with and I feel like I'm in control of the relationship. Lately I've noticed she's been gaining weight. She doesn't eat healthy, exercise at all, and her favorite thing to do is "sleep all day." She also smokes weed and cigarettes which I don't really like.

It's really making me less attracted to her, since her being thin was one of the best features about her. I would say she's a 5/10 if I had to rate her right now.

She is enrolled in a local Community College and she would like to go into Psychiatry. This is relevant because it basically means she is going to be flat broke for the next 8-10 years. So if I ever want to travel I would have to foot the bill for the both of us, etc.

I feel like right now is my best opportunity to meet new women since I am in my prime, and I don't know whether to leave this somewhat comfy relationship or venture out and meet new people and try new things.

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Need advice about what to do with my life. I live in Russia, i'm 30, i cant perform at my work and have anxiety

Background:
- child -
1. Was very lonely, never been enlisted at kindergarden
2. At school was bullied all time.
3. Were not really bright kid (understanding things took time and so my 'real time' thinking was slow) but had good memory and fluid speech, so excelled in grades. I also remember that even back then I already procrastinated a lot sometimes ending doing my studies rushly under the blankets and flashlight so parents wont find out.
4. No physical acivity.
5. Drew on casual basis, wrote fanfics on casual basis, read a lot.
6. Avoided people (outside of casual routine) completely, feel extreme anxiety even when talking to stranger, always worrying about everything, talking to superiors is mind numbing,

- teens -
1. Got introduced to computer, became easily addicted to anime, vidyas and later to MMO gaming. Addiction persists till now, though come in phases.
2. I wanted to challenge my shortcomings and thus attended law school.
3. My student character did not change much. Excelled in studies due to same reasons as at school. Had some periods where I had to work intensely but otherwise - i managed same way, due to memory and fluid speech.
Also you may think that fluid speech and communication anxiety contradicts each other but in my case they both persist. Im good when im executing prepared lines in a prepared setting, when it's like im 'lecturing'. If this turns into conversation, I tank with absent of thought and anxious fits.
4. Virgin.

- work -
1. As i finished law school I enlisted in law enforcement (once again, to challenge my shortcomings).
Bad idea.
My slow thinking on 'the fly', communication anxiety, anxiety of superiors, procrastination problems did not disappear but got in the way of working. At some point I was let go.
Then I practiced law in few law firms, managed to earn living <...>

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I drunk drove into another car at a very low speed (both of us and our cars are okay). I blew a 0.16 when the cops came and told them to take my blood, forgetting that I had taken 2mg klonopin about 6 or 7 hours before the crash. When they test my blood for alcohol will they also test it for benzos? How fucked am I? I have a clean record and am a good kid.