Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3178. page

She's your best friend for 20 years so you have the right and I would say an obligation to do something here

Unless you do something drastic I feel like she won't snap out of it

Idk if just a chat at the bar will do desu but it's worth the shot

If you think she won't just brush you off if you talk to her, go for it. But it sounds like she's down a dark path and simply extending your hand as a friend isn't going to do much.

A lot of people have to learn the hard way, and based on what you've said from my POV it looks like that's going to be the case this time around.

I'd let her dad handle it initially. You can say a lot, but there's no guarantee it will be heard and your friendship may be ruined forever. But do bear in mind that if you try to talk to her about it after the fact, she may take it as an attack. Could be ruined forever that way, too -- but the real goal should be getting her sober.

Honestly I can't give real advice here, it's really up to you. Just be prepared for a bad time in any case.

>>17825534
Oh, and be prepared to give support no matter the decision you make.

People with real substance abuse issues will often lash out when someone highlights their addiction as an actual problem. Keep in mind it's more the addiction talking than her, should things go south. I said and did some terrible things before I cleaned up my act, and looking back I'm deeply ashamed of them.

>back when i tried to kill myself she told me if i did that it would mean she was a horrible friend
>all she cares about is if she'll feel responsible if i end it all
>she cares about the fact she feels responsible, not about me
>i want to drink and smoke until im dead, never really done either regularly
>realize these are all things my father did, still does
>realize all i need to do now is beat on women and old men to feel better about myself
>im becoming my father
>understand that i cant base my happiness on a single individual
>fact is i do and i cant improve
>im a hopeless useless individual
>im never going to be okay again because the one i hold in the highest regard doesnt want to help me and is instead focused on working this shitty full time job, saving a lot of money, shutting out all her friends, and i guess getting some apartment and being alone for the rest of her life
>i know for a fact the two of us were happy, more social, better people when we were together
>seriously just fuck this whole life thing
>we live for maybe 80 years and i'm already fucked as a human being at 20-years-old

i get this is advice but honestly i dont know what i can do to fix myself at this point, considering just going dark on everything and sleeping my days away

>>17825501
>i know for a fact the two of us were happy, more social, better people when we were together
Learn to be that way on your own, you can do it. You always had it in you, you just needed her to bring it out. But now she's not around, nobody is ever around forever. It hurts that things ended like this, I know how it feels, but you can't force her to be with you. Look at it this way, she taught you something important. She taught you how to be happy and pull yourself together. And once you can do that by yourself, trust me, everyone will want to be around you. Then you just need to pick and choose the ones that are worth YOUR time.

Eminem took that pain and became a rapper

Stop being a bitch, no wonder she left
You just whine
You act like you can't do anything
Youre the only one holding you back
"Oh I'm 20 life is hard I'll never be happy in all of my 80 years"
Come on man get real

Accepting that love/sex are not for you and get invested in thinking how you want to arrange your life then, what your new priorities are etc.

>>17825459
Then how do I deal with my sex drive? Fapping isn't quite cutting it anymore.

The best option is to get a new life goal because that is fucking sad.

>>17825434
Uber?

>>17825449
What do I say to them? What if I scare them and they freak out? Is there a way to set up an Uber ahead of time?

>>17825478
Yes there's an option to set pick up time

Say you had surgery

They don't care
It'll be a relief in comparison to drunk racist white girls that want to be called Ms. daisy

Exercise
It's natures drug

Just do it till you feel like you might pass out

Meditation if you can stomach it

A creative outlet helps me a lot
Writing, music, painting, coding even
Something that allows you to pour your struggles into

Music can be cathartic

Coffee is a drug you can legally abuse

People that are your friends when all else fails

>>17825450
Agree with all this but want to add, make sure that your diet is good (lots of water, lots of vegetables, meals as regular as possible) and you get quality sleep. The best way to ensure that is to not spend any time behind a screen for the last ~thirty minutes before heading to bed, and instead doing something relaxing like showering, reading, drawing, listening to not too high energy music. Then get around eight hours of sleep a night if at all possible.

Also if meditation is one bridge too far for you, just reflecting on the stuff you need to do also does something to keep the panic down.

>>17825432
Long term goals and hobbies.
Exercise is good too (although it takes a while to go from "it's a pain" to "it's makes you feel good" phase).

She has told me she loves me like 20 times but she says shes the type of person who doesnt care much about other people

>>17825415
If she loves you then she cares about you. Thats what love is. If she doesnt get rid of her.

with jews you lose

/thread

>>17825401
Is there absolutely nothing you enjoy doing? Playing vidya, watching movies, sports, art, acting, etc.?

Anhedonia.

>>17825419
I used to like music, movies, tv series, books, games and working out but not anymore. None of my hobbies make me happy anymore

A man is able to make compromises, love his significant other without jealousy, acknowledges when people need their own space, including his own...

He doesn't do any of the things you'd consider childish. Bullying would be something like that. A Man also knows how to provide for himself, and stands on his own two feet in life, without being dependant. (Basically if he's a decent adult he's doing it right. It's the same with Women.)

Independence.

Just general signs of maturity.

>able to handle responsibility, understands that both a relationship and many other aspects of adult life take energy and work
>able to handle his emotions, there's flying off the handle and flying off the handle... there's a difference between yelling in frustration or saying anything he can think of to hurt you then going "oh I didn't mean it, I was just pissed and trying to tear you down"
>can own up to his share in problems within your relationship, is able to reflect on his behavior
>communicates in an adult way (minimal or no yelling/insults/YEAH but YOU, doesn't avoid but rather instigates serious talks when necessary) and is open about what he expects from you and the relationship both in the present and the future
>doesn't do childish shit like blaming you whenever he doesn't want to go out with his friends, trashing you to his family whenever he's upset over something trivial, flirting with other girls to make you jealous

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>>17825352
Don't.
Never lose hope, life will bring you something good. Don't give up

>>17825390
Thanks, Anon!
I'm glad that someone will listen.
Even if it's anonymous

>>17825352

If you think that suicide is viable option it means you dont care much how people see you.

Try martial arts. Like judo wrestling or something where mass is a plus.

Just be persistent. Think how good you will be if you train for 1 year.

Then after 1 year you will remind yourself of this thread and you will think how stupid you were for even considering suicide.

Be strong OP, be persistent.

set up ambitious goals for yourself

Sex is boring, welcome to the club.

>>17825335
Don't know how you can make a post like that without mentioning if you're circumcised or not, but what you're describing is a common result of having the foreskin removed from your benis.

>>17825375
I am not circumcised and yeah, I can easily remove The skin when needed

This is a non problem
You're far too into your head
You don't have a micro penis
Relax

>>17825308
>are there any girls that like LENGTH more than girth?

Good heavens no. There's kind of a minimum standard for length and you're good, after that it just gets uncomfortable when you jab her cervix.

Girth is the gift that keeps giving.

I like it average in length and girth. Would rather have it slightly below average than slightly/way above average, srs.

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>>17825295

So trolls are getting less sophisticated...

>>17825299
Were they ever sophisticated?

>>17825295
If she was raped and didn't go to the police immediately, it wasn't a rape. It might of been, but how do you know for sure? If she was truly raped she should go to the cops to make sure that her rapist is off the streets and in jail. So if she doesn't she's a piece of shit.

"She's the one that was dressed like a slut and then went up to some drunk guy's dark apartment."

She cheated on you and is looking for an excuse to make herself not feel as bad.

Dump or you're a cuck.

Exercise. Use a standing desk.

Sit with your lumbar properly positioned as if your about to sit on a toilet seat. Too many people sit incorrectly and fuck up their backs. Consider foam rolling your back too

Stretch out. Go to a yoga class or two and get the fundmentals down of stretching your back and hamstrings.

Then start doing exercises that will strengthen your back. Look in YouTube. Plenty of vids from PT's.

If it's an actual injury to your spine, good luck.

>>17825182
you want someone else to pay for your trip?

>>17825182

keep looking and see what you can find. save up a little money so you have the option but aim low.

don't be selfish about how you give. if collecting money helps people, then whats wrong with doing it?

what you want relaly is glory, to be able to see the gratitude. its not the worst thing in the world, but if you arent willing to put in some time, dont bother.

go work at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen for awhile. talk to them and network with other volunteers. they'll give you the low down on getting where you want.

This. Part of being charitable is spending your OWN money to help those who need it. You're not some sort of celebrity who should have it paid for them, they don't give a fuck if you go or not.

>>17825181
No pointers anyone?

I just drown myself in my books and my beer and try to forget about people.

>>17825376
I do the exact same thing but I resent the thought of being content so easily and with so little.