Anonymous
Need to escape a toxic relationship 2017-01-22 12:45:13 Post No.17981008
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Need to escape a toxic relationship 2017-01-22 12:45:13 Post No.17981008
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Need to escape a toxic relationship
Anonymous
2017-01-22 12:45:13
Post No. 17981008
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Well, the subject line really says it all. My 7 year relationship is pretty much beyond saving. It's never been harmonious, but now we're barely talking to each other or can stand to be in the same room. If blame needs to be assigned, It's mostly my fault for getting stressed out and depressed because she criticises and demeans me constantly (although she doesn't see it as demeaning), so I get bitter and scared of her, I lash out emotionally, she becomes even more hostile, I get more depressed, etc etc. Basically the relationship is toxic and worst mistake I ever made was not manning up and accepting the fact it didn't work.
So it needs to end. Unfortunately we both run small business together. legally I'm under no obligation to stay, but morally i am. I can't just leave her to run the entire thing by herself. But doing so means we have to live together and work together for potentially another 6 months (until the license for the business property ends), getting more stressed out and scared of each other, until one or both of us loses our mind. I also live with her family (epic beta I know) so I'd also be subjecting them to this fucked up atmosphere.
TLDR version: if I leave I'm being utterly selfish and leaving her screwed. If I stay we'll drive each other miserable.
What. Fucking. Do?
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>>17981008
step one: see a counselor, eventually a couple counselor or something to make it for the next six months
the reason she is acting like that might very well be resentment and feeling trapped with you too.
step two: move out. you can continue working in the business for another six months while you have a small studio or even become someone's roomie. if and how the relationship survives depends on you both
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>>17981012
You're right about the whole "being trapped" thing. It's really difficult to stay out of each others way, even if the house we live in is massive.
I'm seeing a doctor in the next few days so that should help me start managing my issues. Sadly I don't think she'll take similar steps. She believes all her issues are because of me (in all fairness, I've thought the same thing about her, even though I know it's untrue and unfair), so she won't seek any help.
As for moving out and working I can't, since I can't drive and we literally work in the middle of nowhere (no bus services, no trains), so I have to rely on her for transportation (which doesn't help the "trapped feeling".) I'm learning right now but the lease will have ended by the time I pass anyway.
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>>17981008
let her hire some one to replace you and go.
I've discovered two girls, who are friends, are interested in me. I would like to see both of them. However, I'm afraid if I take one out that the other wouldn't want to go out with me out of respect for her friend. Or, that one will be offended that I asked the other out first.
How do I play this?
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>>17980957
>How do I play this
as a single player game.
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I have been in a similar situation before. From my experience I chose the one I thought firstly that I could try a real relationship with. The one I was most confident with.
I think it is hard to take but one of them will always be hurt if you make your decision. So I would recommend you also pick the one which you think would be hurt the most if she were not picked.
Good luck.
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>>17980957
Talk to both casually enough to get a sense of which one you think is better suited for you, then proceed to go after that girl. Don't lead the other one on, just be friendly.
Anonymous
Advice? greentext to follow 2017-01-22 11:40:02 Post No.17980942
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Advice? greentext to follow 2017-01-22 11:40:02 Post No.17980942
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Advice? greentext to follow
Anonymous
2017-01-22 11:40:02
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cross-posted from /ck/
>cooking dinner for GF tonight
>nice porterhouse cut, some chicken kebabs, and a feta and cherry tomato salad, wedges basic stuff
>never seen her eat a full steak so pretty excited to cook one for her
>I'm very good at steak though
>prepare the cuts with rosemary, pepper, onion glaze
>prepare dressing for salad - start heating a salt rock on the bbq for the steak (takes half an hour)
>cook everything myself, alternating between the oven, the salad and the BBQ outside
>finally everything is done (steak is a perfect medium rare and smells divine)
>ask GF to help set the outside table
>she gets pissy because she is watching some SUPER IMPORTANT vine compilation of some fat bitch who screeches retard noises
>Fine, I'll do everything myself
>hesitates for ages
>get into an argument since setting the table while I'm dishing up is a super simple fucking thing to do
>she gets pissy
>after much aggravation everything is served up on plates
>she starts to eat, hesitates, goes inside and comes outside with a bottle of ketchup
>figure its for the potato wedges, fair enough
>she INSTANTLY covers the steak in ketchup, like a fucking LAKE OF KETCHUP
>I'm just completely aghast
>she hadn't even tried to taste it first
>it was a fucking great steak
>perfect, even
>she wolfs down the salad like an infant
>I say 'what the fuck, you have just spoiled everything'
>She says 'fuck this' and goes inside with her food and slams the door
Should I feel insulted? I feel like she was massively in the wrong, rude, uncooperative and disrespectful.
For context she sometimes cooks pasta. I do the lions share of the cooking most of the time and its usually more complex/expensive stuff.
What do you think?
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>>17980942
Gonna be honest, you both sound like bitches. For starters, if your gf gets pissy about setting the table, I can only imagine what things would be like if you ever wanted to get married or have a kid. Also, the ketchup thing is like a non-issue. I get that you think you made the perfect steak, but some people just want ketchup on their steak. That's how she wants it I'm guessing since you say you've never seen her eat a full steak. Get over yourself.
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>>17980952
m8 the steak was already marinaded and perfectly cooked. If you throw a shitload of ketchup on there like a fucking peasant it ruins the natural flavour of the meat since the acid in the sauce doesn't have enough time to neutralize with the meats juices. You might as well eat McDonalds instead since by that point it probably tastes the same.
It was at the end of a long day so I get not wanting to set the table - hell I was like that as a kid.
But to drown a steak in fucking ketchup is rude and insulting
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>>17980954
Are you the head chef of a five star restaurant? If not, don't get insulted by the ketchup thing. I understand slaving away for the perfect steak but you need to take a chill pill and swallow your pride.
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So, pretty much been having online sex addiction for about 5 years now, might be going on a lot longer if I don't stop this. I seriously don't know how to stop this, it has been getting progressively worse over the years. My main thing is finding people online to jerk off to or just pay for cam girl shows, its an incredible waste of time and money for me but I can't stop.
I've deleted my skype before only to make another one down the line. Is there anyway I can battle this the right way?
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Shit man, I came to ask the same thing :/
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>>17980941
Shit is hard to deal with, seriously. Its fucking up my sex life a lot
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>>17980938
I'm addicted to /r/ man. I am fascinated by having the clothes x-rayed and shit. Its wasting my life. It will only be a matter of time before I pay for them webcam shows too. Its a killer.
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How do I stop thinking about a grill I'm in love with /adv/? Is such a thing even possible? I see her almost everyday and when I don't see her I get terribly depressed but on the days I see her I can't even concentrate on anything and just get lost in thought.
Notice how the question is not "how do I get this grill to be interested in me?" or "how do I start a conversation with her?".
There's no hope for me to be with this girl, she has a boyfriend and I'm an ex-NEET with zero life experience, so I won't even attempt to make a move.
I literally just need to know how to get her out of my head. Will I just lose interest eventually? I sure fucking hope so because I can't take this shit anymore.
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what are your hobbies? maybe you could get more absorbed into them. do you live near the woods? it always eases my mind going for a walk in the woods. it's relaxing and you could see a lot of neat stuff. it can become a hobby too. I wouldn't know though, perhaps my advice is dogshite. good luck anon.
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>>17980956
I walk a lot and I always think about her while doing so. So not dogshit as far as advice goes but it definitely wouldn't help my situation. Thanks anyway anon.
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What's she like anon?
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>be me
>sexually sheltered 21 yo femanon
>didn't masturbate till 18
>never allow myself to feel/be sexy, only cutesy
>take mojo upgrade quiz with bf
>find out public fun is mutual interest
>buy remote control vibrator to use solo in order to figure out if it's just a fantasy or something I'm actually interested in
>text bf about toy because I thought it'd be sexy to let him know
>last night, first time seeing each other since taking mojoupgrade quiz
>talk through results
>i'm shy about talking sex stuff, but open up about some insecurities
>get to public fun section
>bf says he wants to take it slow with this stuff (me too!)
>expresses he was "a bit like woah" when I told him about the toy
>tell him it's just for solo use at the moment
>that should be it (and bf is still under the impression it's all ok)
>it's not
>i start to fixate on his reaction
>we have sex
>all the fun stuff I had planned, I can't bring myself to do
>wanted to use some flavoured tingly lube and blow him
>can't cos i'm just thinking about how I feel like I've embarrassed myself
>tried to feel/be sexy and failed
>regress and feel shit
still thinking about it now
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>>17980915
Is there a question here or are you just bragging?
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>>17980937
I want to know how to get over it, I forgot to ask that
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>>17980939
I still don't see the problem. The two of you were a bit out of sync in adventurousness and that led you to be nervous during sex and it wasn't a great moment.
If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you sexually you will be living a charmed life.
You probably did jump the gun in buying the vibe after just one chat about adventurousness, and startled him more than anything. But he'll catch up. The next time the two of you are spending an evening in, put on/in the vibe and casually hand him the controls. See how long he resists.
Alright guys theres something that's been on my mind for a couple weeks now and it's destroying me.
So I met this girl through a friend on Facebook. We would just message each other when we were bored and that was about it. We were just friends.
Well recently we've been talking so much that we've developed feelings for each other. Were so much alike that we literally think we're soul mates. She lives about 30 minutes to an hour away from me. She's the girl of my dreams. She's just so beautiful.
We want to meet and I really really want to. There's just one thing that keeps on worrying me about the situation. I keep worrying that she won't like me in person and she won't want to ever talk to me again.
I'm chubby and I'm '6 0" 260 pounds. Im built like a football player. She just says how she doesn't like fat guys and this is what's worrying me. I feel like when she sees me she's going to feel so let down.
What do I do? Do I just let her go and act like nothing ever happened and keep her from being disappointed? Or do I tell her before we meet?
I just don't know how to bring it up and I'm afraid that if I do she's going to just not want to talk anymore.
So what would you guys do in this situation?
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> we've developed feelings for each other
Have you developed feelings for each other or have YOU developed feelings for HER?
Listen, once you like someone you can't really undo it. If you try to go back to just "being friends", you'll just feel absolutely miserable, so just go for it.
I honestly don't know whether it's best to let her know beforehand that you're fat. But the truth is, if she doesn't want you then there's nothing you can about it, and if she rejects you it's not your fault. You can't control what other people feel.
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>>17980914
pretty sure 6 feet and 260 isn't built like a football player, it's built like the marshmallow stay puffed man...
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>>17981079
The reason I said I'm built like a football player is because not all the weight is fat... I am chubby though.
Anonymous
Need to become more selfish? 2017-01-22 10:04:16 Post No.17980802
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Need to become more selfish? 2017-01-22 10:04:16 Post No.17980802
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Need to become more selfish?
Anonymous
2017-01-22 10:04:16
Post No. 17980802
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How do you learn to deal with saying no when that disappoints people? I can't seem to prioritize myself.
When family or friends call and tell me "I have to do things" I can't say no. I often try to say I don't feel like it, but when they then guilt trip me I always feel really bad so I end up doing the thing in the end, or I procrastinate and go do the thing dragging my feet, or push it off but it poisons me because it still hangs around in my mind.
Then I feel realllllly guilty and try to avoid doing it even more. One of the results of it is that I spend hours on 4chan to avoid the nasty feelings of not doing what other people want me to do. I tried just doing what they asked of me, but then I'd have my schedule crammed with all the things other people want me to do and with zero time for one of my dreams, which is to learn to paint.
Unless it's a valid excuse by the rules I was taught at home (like work or exams or being physically ill) saying "no" to something seems not to be okay.
How do I stop this nasty pattern? I wish I could not care about what other people think I should do, and choose what I, myself, actually want, and don't do what I don't want and don't torture myself over it.
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>>17980802
i think millenials get too much hate, but one common theme is that we tend to think that its an all or nothing situation.
like you can't diet unless you find a diet that makes you feel full.
thats not true. its going to feel bad. and that feeling of bad is something you have to bear in order to not bear the even worse consequences of giving in to the people.
its the lesser of two evils.
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>>17980806
>that feeling of bad is something you have to bear in order to not bear the even worse consequences of giving in to the people
thanks anon, I might even write this out on a post it and have it somewhere meaningful
that's a crucial point
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>>17980802
Memorize and frequently use this word:
No.
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A male who has a gf has taken interest in me several times. I know he loves his gf. It's clear when he interacts with her. His voice softens etc. But he also is seemingly interested in me. His eyes lighten up and he smiles when he watches me and so on. Those things are something one just knows, it's in our biology. I see him watching me from distance.
So the question is what do? I've tried to ignore him because I don't want to hurt myself. What could be going on inside his mind? I'm not sure if I like him, I recognize there's something in the air, but I don't know him well enough as a person.
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>>17980777
he hasnt made any real moves, so dont do anything. until he actually does something you're just interpreting the chemistry, which has been proven to be wrong many many many many many times. if this was the opposite situation with you as the man, we'd be telling you you're a faggot who just has an unrequited crush.
either way if hes not making a legitimate move than hes not doing anything wrong.
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>>17980777
Katie?
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>>17980779
Yeah, perhaps I'll keep ignoring him. I know it's hazardous to interpret whether someone likes you or not, but if you see someone's eyes being big and sparkly like they've took MDMA when they watch you, it's intense. It could be he's just natural at being flirtatious with everyone, though, which probably is not a far bet either.
Anonymous
I'm seriously in my thirties 2017-01-22 09:37:48 Post No.17980759
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I'm seriously in my thirties 2017-01-22 09:37:48 Post No.17980759
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I'm seriously in my thirties
Anonymous
2017-01-22 09:37:48
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I'm not looking for advice, I just want something explained to me. Something that's always been difficult for me. And, in turn, difficult to talk about. But, uhmm, here goes.
/adv/...? What's it like to have friends?
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If you're a girl: emotional support and endless, insipid gossiping.
If you're a guy: competitive assholes who will backstab you if you give them the chance, but you can do much worse.
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Usually someone you can spend time with who shares some sort of "interest" Or speak to on an emotional level like you might your family.
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>>17980759
its pretty nice. I had some friends over tonight for ultron, kinda becoming a weekly guys night routine with a movie or an outting.
one friend in particular stayed after and we talked about life. hes a kissless virgin and his self worth is tied to his hobby, and hes worried he'll never be truly great. the only way he can imagine himself getting a woman is just succeeding and basically scoring a groupie of sorts.
i was happy that i was able to hug him for an uncomfortably long time.
Anonymous
ITT: Ask the opposite gender anything 2017-01-22 08:57:57 Post No.17980694
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ITT: Ask the opposite gender anything 2017-01-22 08:57:57 Post No.17980694
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ITT: Ask the opposite gender anything
Anonymous
2017-01-22 08:57:57
Post No. 17980694
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GUIDELINES:
Before you post a question, check the FAQ to see if it's already been answered.
Keep questions short for more answers.
If you're not going to like honest answers, don't ask your question.
And please no derailing arguments.
FAQ:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>What do girls/guys think about <an insecurity including, but not limited to: looks, physical traits, personality traits, virginity or otherwise lack of dating experience>
There is no one answer. Preferences differ, but complexes are always a turn-off.
>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Get over it by practising and exposing yourself to it, little by little, step by step. There is no single magical moment that will instantly change you forever.
>I like someone. What do I do?
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.
>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.
>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. You're overthinking it.
>XYZ happened. Interpret this for me please
We're not in their head, we don't know.
>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing.
>Someone has made it super clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No.
>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>.
>Brandon, that guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships and fart guy
Fuck off
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>>17980694
how to get fwb
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>>17980713
Have a friend you're willing to lose at the end of it.
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for the ladies:
before initiating contact on a dating site, i read a girl's profile to get an idea on what she's like and who she is. i send a message based on her bio and NOT her looks, since i was lead to believe that women are more attracted to the mind than the body. the only problem is that i either never get a response, or they're incredibly disinterested in me that they'll message me one or two times and then fall off the face of the planet.
without posting a picture due to mobileposting, would it seem i'm trying too hard, not interesting enough, or just plain ugly?
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Hey /adv/, Im in my last 6 months of college (history major) and Im excited to graduate.
Im currently in a class/seminar meant to teach us how to write 20 page research papers, and I feel like I could come out of this class with a good writting example for whenever I decide to apply to gradschool.
However, my part time job takes time away from it, and I really want to get As on this and my other history class. Its in a dining hall kitchen and this week I was suppossed to work 21 hours but I fucked up my ankle so I might not go until next week. On avg. I work 17.
I have the job cause I've been saving money to take a trip to japan as a self reward and to finally build a PC which I've been wanting to do since HS. If I quit I can only do one or the other
Should I:
A. Quit and forgo going to Japan but buy the PC
B. Same as above but go to Japan and not get PC.
C. Stay in my job till graduatio
D. Quit, try to find a better job or an intership that still allows me to devote myself more to studying and look for a job after college.
If I had $2000 more in my account I would have quit immediately
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>>17980667
Quit, put a raincheck on the trip, get a good paying job after you finish the class, build the computer, THEN take the trip after you have a good rig and job.
How much do you make at the dining hall?
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>>17980676
10.50/hr for 2017
Since its at state school taxes are weird and range feom 3-8% depending on how big my check is.
I got almost $3000 of which atm only half of that I would consider disposable, but my folks want to give me $1000 out their pocket once I graduate on top of a weekly $40 allowence they give me which I usually spend half on the weekends
I don't really have to quit now, its week 3 of 10 starting monday, I could consider quitting by week 6, thats about time the quarter gets hard.
I just need As in my 2 histotory classes this quarter and in 2 more next, which I know I can do but extra study time would help
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>>17980667
>21 hours a week
>10.50 an hour
Are you me? I know this is your thread but how do you save money so well?
Anonymous
Help with younger boyfriend maybe ? 2017-01-22 08:21:46 Post No.17980609
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Help with younger boyfriend maybe ? 2017-01-22 08:21:46 Post No.17980609
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Help with younger boyfriend maybe ?
Anonymous
2017-01-22 08:21:46
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So I'm 22(f) and my boyfriend is 20. We had a pretty healthy sex life in the beginning. But as a year passed it's become exhausting.
He will tell me he can't masturbate unless it's me. He will literally make me leave what I'm doing to go in a secluded place to lift my shirt to jerk off to my tits. I won't even pretend to be interested I'm usually just staring off into space
He will ask for nudes CONSTANTLY. and I mean to the point this guy has over hundreds. But he always wants a "fresh" one. I finally had enough and called him out on it. He said I was over reacting and if he didn't press me for nudes he'd never get them, which is true because nudes are for fucking children at this point. If he wants to see me naked, I'd rather it be in person so at least I get off too.
Also. I've woken up to him fingering me and trying to have sex with me. Multiple times. Told him it was creepy. He said I was just being close minded and that he wants to try kink shit. But I'm asleep and gave NO consent ?? Like I was entirely clothed and woke up with no pants and he complains that he will cum in his sleep if we don't have sex or I don't help him jerk off. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know how to make it stop. He loves me. I feel it. But holy shit I'm basically repulsed by sex because of him and it is tearing me apart.
Help me please.
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>>17980609
uuuuh k lol
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>>17980621
Thanks for the help cuck.
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>>17980628
I was in the middle of typing a reply that would solve your problem completely but I accidentally closed the thread ;/
Anonymous
Overthinking, never wreck, insomniac. 2017-01-22 08:15:53 Post No.17980593
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Overthinking, never wreck, insomniac. 2017-01-22 08:15:53 Post No.17980593
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Overthinking, never wreck, insomniac.
Anonymous
2017-01-22 08:15:53
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I have a problem tonight. Been trying to hit the slammer for over 5 hours now. my body feels ready to go to sleep but my mind won't let me.
Tried counting to 0 from 100 trick and even dozing off but everything seems to come back to the thought of me having to go in to work on such short notice.
My dickhead scheduler asked me to work the morning after. The only problem here is that he called me just before i was going to go to sleep those 5 hours ago.
I'm a guy who got diagnosed with anxiety and depression last week at the doctors but have a hard time believing it since i generally don't let stuff get to me that easily
but i guess my nerves and i have different opinions since i have been having troubles like this for a long time now.
I need to go to sleep. I only have so many hours to clock in before i gotta shower and get ready to go to work.
What tricks do you fellas use? it's probably gonna take some shit for me to get it done but if you got something that will work on a paranoid person like me, I would want to hear it.
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Just ride it out.
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Try transcendental mediation. I am also an insomniac and this is the only thing that works for me other than heavy sedatives.
I just literally make it a challenge to myself. I try to see how long I can go without any thoughts and when a thought comes I try to just let it go and go back to mindlessness. This usually makes me go to sleep.
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>>17980626
>mindlessness
you mean mindfulness?
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pic not really related but maybe it is...
Some advice needed in this relationship/family issue.
Quick snips about us, Im 29, shes 24. She still lives with her dad and is pretty depended on him, She doesn't have any ambitions to work and just pretty much stays home all day on Facebook. She is really attractive though. Like, wow... I'd post pics but I do love her and all to myself! Anyways, she'll put a photo of us, only some likes, she'd post a selfie, and the thirst is so fucking strong in the comment section with validation towards her... It's like these retards haven't seen an attractive girl before...
Anyways Im side tracking... So my partner and her sister DO NOT GET ALONG. Apparently the sister is pregnant and that triggered my partner. Now I'm backing my partner ( As always lel ) here because the dick head the sister is having a kid with has neglected his other two kids with some other chick and my partner feels like it may happen again here with her sister.
It was during a convo with her mum when my partner found out and I admit it was kinda just spewed out to her and that really pissed off my partner. Thinking that the family are just holding secrets... Now she is angry, like smashing things angry... I get it that she is raging but what I don't understand is how that rage is directed at me for? Like, I've stood by her all this time. Provided pretty much all I can provide and supported her even more so during this "situation" but she just rages. Like last night during my sleep, i remember turning to hug her and she pretty much told me to stop and move to the side of the bed, really annoyed. Just then she asked me to go home and leave her alone. I get the whole space thing and I've given it to her but I just don't understand why it's directed at me for? Like I wish I could tell her to get over it and just chill the fuck out but this really affected her and I feel saying that will just add more to the fire.
At a loss...
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That has to be the most petty shit I've seen here all day. Just give her space, I guess. Like, do your own thing for a while and wait for her to contact you when she's done being four
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Just ignore until she talks to you. Don't even look remotely worried when you see her. Just wait it out until she talks. Unless ya'll are gonna eat or something.
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Your girlfriend is the type to get butthurt that her *sister* is pregnant and you're not even calling her out on her bullshit, and you're actually supporting her in this?