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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2359. page

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I'm am so unproductive when ever my mom is home. All I do is sit and wait for her to leave or try to convice her to. Every time references that she's not going to I leave the room and just fall on the floor or the bed. I use to be close with her but now I just wait for her to leave. The minute she does I'm bright and happy and able to actually do things happily. What tf is going on?
3 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18067659
too much of a good thing can be bad.

if you get a job or something to get you out of the house you'll be exposed to her less and she'll be more tolerable.
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>>18067659
Im with you here. When my mom is out of the house or extended trips I do super productive shit. I clean the house, fix up the backyard, do some DIY stuff around the house, exercise, generally take care of my shit. But when she's home I want no interaction with her whatsoever, I want to be left alone and the best way is to stay in my room or go out with some friends, but my friends aren't always available. I feel almost paralyzed. She drains all the motivation out of me. I need to move out asap.

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Whats a good way to talk to a girl you just recently met on dating apps?

For example, I just met this girl through Ok Cupid. So far we have had actually a pretty steady conversation and I have avoided the whole one word responses.

But I feel like I can engage her a little better. As I notice my responses tend to be a bit more detailed than hers.

So whats a good way to engage her or make the conversation something she looks forward to? Good thing is that I already have a small date setup with her this Wednesday. So I am doing something right. I just often default to asking questions about her. Is that okay? I do not end up wanting to become a game of 20 questions so I try to avoid it if possible or is that socially acceptable when getting to know someone???

Granted its been about 4 years since I been in the dating game so I am just getting a feel for all this again. I appreciate any feedback.
5 posts and 1 images submitted.
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I think just asking her about her interests and replying with a genuine answer. I know I appreciate someone who listens to what I say and who also offers bits of themselves in turn. It sounds like you're doing well. Just listening with genuine interest is not to be underrated.
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Asking general questions is ok, but you don't want to have the conversation turn into an interrogation. Let the questions lead her (or you) into stories, discussions, debates on the subject matter at hand.

If you ask her what food she likes then see if there's a way to build off that like discussing her history with that food or maybe a funny encounter you had with it.

I'm shooting from the hip because I have no idea what you two have already covered, but the sentiment remains the same.

Your goal is to help remove the formality and stilted nature of your speech from the conversations you two have yet had. You want to make her feel conformable and at ease when talking to you. Be attentive, but not idolizing, and try to interject genuine humor.

I know this is going to sound cliche, but you really do want to be yourself. If you try putting on a persona or hiding your true temperament, you'll eventually slip up or become exhausted with the act.

Also, that last thing you want is her becoming more interested in your persona than you, yourself.

Remember anon, not every catch is meant for you. If you end up not being her type and she moves on, there's nothing wrong with that and nothing you can do about it. Just shrug, straighten up and get back out there!
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>>18067649
Conversation needs to be organic.
Don't ask questions compulsively, jumping from one subject to the other.
If you're talking about a topic, ask questions related to the topic, tell stories, make jokes, comment on stuff. Add small flirty remarks and compliments.

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How to make friends ? I never had any friends in hs or elementary school and I am wondering if I am permanently screwed. The few friends that i made in uni i've lost
5 posts and 1 images submitted.
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do you play online games, anon?
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>>18067651

No not really;
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>>18067615
>Find Hobbies
>Git gud
>Boast
>Profit

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I saw this girl at motel earlier an I right to think she is prostitute?
3 posts and 1 images submitted.
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the correct term is escort.
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>>18067596
Either way should I report this to police?

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Electrical Engineers and/or drafters, need help/advice.

I'm trying to get a quick job so I can build up experience. My father keeps telling me to go take some

classes in AutoCAD and get some certificate for it and apply to a firm, and while I'm there, learn

electrical theory and use my salary to fund a degree in EE.

That sounds fine and all, but is that feasible? He bases this on experience from coworkers from other

countries finding work in firms and taking night classes for their title.

His way seems the most practical and direct, I already have certificates for networking and I haven't

landed a single job with them, it's all senior level administrators.

Is my father right in hsi idea of doing electrical design as an entry level job and if not, is there

another way to work in a similar field or do I stay the basic course and let a McJob pay for my EE

degree? I hope I'm making sense.
5 posts and 1 images submitted.
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No idea why it was formatted like that, had to copy and paste onto Notepad
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pls respond
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I'm an electrical engineer, but I earned a drafting degree 10 years ago.

Never got a job with it. Ended up getting a shitty factory job as a machine operator and climbed up from their. The engineering department didn't want me, but maintenance did. Still at the same factory, but working as an automation technician now.

Your father's coworkers are from other countries. They are working for dirt cheap. At a job fair, one of the companies flat out admitted they were outsourcing drafting work.

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Things you can do to make an OK living without college degree?
4 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18067483
Pretty much any trade. CNCer, welding, idk, forklift operator
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>>18067486
>implying

Now give me real advice
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Op here. I have my associates and am bilingual with white skin.
>>18067486
Don't these things have qualifications? What's the average salary

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if an online job ad is older than a day there's no point in applying, right? it's first in first served isn't it?
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Who knows, who cares.
Send your resume into the abyss, what does it matter? It's not like there are any negative consequences.

So get a job already, you procrastinating asshole.
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>>18067502
>you procrastinating asshole
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>>18067481
no, that isn't true at all.

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>0 luck on tinder
>tried hot or not hot
>7 girls send me a hi message first
>same picture

explain this BS.
5 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18067442
Online dating is a joke and you'll only find people that aren't willing to put more effort into a relationship than filling out their name into an app
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>>18067489
I want free sex.
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>>18067549
Get a nice body and work out then.

I am a young boy and I am bisexual. Once, I was in love with one of my schoolmates but the love wasnt reciprocated and when I told him after 3 years he told me to fuck off in a way, that I had depression 6 months after that.

Then I met a girl, I fell in love and it seemed, she did too. We were together for 40 days (she even convinced me to have sex with her (which wasnt hard for her)), but after we had sex like 4 times, she said its the end and that she only used me for sex. I was really hurt back then.

After this I fell in love with many girls but not a single one loved me back. Nor the boys.

Like 2 weeks ago I realised, that nobody loves me and I strongly doubt, that anybody in the future will and I was crying like everyday for straight 2 hours.

So I thought I can speak to my friends about it. But then I found out that I dont have any friends at all. Everybody who seemed as a friend to me didnt even have time to talk to me. And when somebody did, he just told me he doesnt care about my issues,

I am musician (I play the Flute, saxophone and fingerstyle guitar) but lately nothing seems to be good for me. The flute is starting to bore me, saxophone is becoming hard and guitar is really demotivating, because every single person who plays guitar plays better than me.

Also, my parents just had a divorce and I am going to move from my beloved flat, where I lived for my whole life.

My father is the most disgusting guy I have ever met. He has no feelings and he is rude on everybody. I always tried to avoid being like him, but lately, as I have all of those issues I am becoming more and more like him.

I am afraid that if I dont get somebody to love me, I will stop being able to feel love and become my fathers copy.

Everyday I cant focuse on anything because of this one big depression which is made by the little ones, that are written above.

I really think about suicide or self-injuring, because I am clearly not good enough for somebody to like me.

Please help
3 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18067441
being bisexual is a lie people tell themselves so that they don't feel bad about being gay.
>>
When you're young, relationships are supposed to be short-lived. Going through break-ups helps you learn what you want from future partners. I bet you learned something from that 40 day relationship, even if it was upsetting, like how to spot people who only want you for sex.

What's more concerning, I think, is that you don't have friends to rely on.

Are you able to talk to your mom about how you're feeling?

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Do I need to go to a dentist / doctor?
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Yeah, probably.

I remember a while ago somebody posted on here talking about how the roof of their mouth started to detach due to an unchecked abcess, it was pretty gruesome.
>>
What am i looking at?
Vagina Dentana?

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I know none of you are doctors, but I'm hoping that maybe some of you out there have experience with ADHD in some way.

So, I'm nineteen years old and have had trouble with school all my life. Around age 13 my parents noticed I had trouble paying attention in school and took me to a doctor. I was diagnosed with ADHD and have been taking medication for it. It really didn't help.

I'm only discovering now that there are more symptoms of ADHD than I knew before. Restlessness, tenseness, short-tempered, and above everything else, TROUBLE DEDICATING ONESELF TO WORK.

I've noticed that I'm (in general) an acceptable writer, and my SAT scores have proven that. I NEVER did any homework and I barely scraped by in high school surfing on my test scores. Because of this, I'm stuck at a community college, but I don't think all hope is lost.

What I'm asking is if I should change medication. My current meds, focalin, is a Dexmethylphenidate. It helps me to focus, but that's about it. Would ALL ADHD medication JUST make me focus? Is focalin the best choice? Or is there some magic ADHD pill that I can pop once or twice a day that will make me more dedicated to work, more calm, less irritable, etc?
3 posts and 2 images submitted.
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You're gonna have to sit down with your doctor and probably give many medications a try mate. Tell your doctor everything about what you feel on the medication vs off. What side effects you don't like, or what you don't feel this medication is helping, along with what you do feel it is helping with.

There is no magical cure, unfortunately. You're most likely gonna have to pick your battles on it. Which are the most important aspects of your AD/HD you need to have fixed in order to better function in society. Which are ones you can deal with?

Your doctor can also suggest non medicated approaches to some of the other things too. Use the meds to fix the attention, use some self guided mediation or a dietary change to help with the irritability.
Or hell, they might even be able to prescribe a secondary med to help with the other things, though I know most docs don't wanna pump you full of drugs.

Thing is, while yes, those things are all associated with AD/HD, they're also associated with A TON of different disorders. You might have something entirely separate from the AD/HD as well, the restlessness could be coming from a completely different disorder, and therefore need a completely different approach to fix.

Last thing I have to say is regarding the dedicating to work thing.
I was diagnosed and put on Adderall in high school. While the attention span was immensely improved, I too still struggled with getting motivated and just starting the work. As soon as I got going I was fine, I just could never get started.
I didn't learn how to manage that until college really. It's just something I learned how to do through practice, some of that shit is stuff you'll just have to learn how to manage too with time. Meds can't fix everything, science has only gotten so far, sometimes you just gotta figure it out on your own. Work hard enough at it, and you'll usually find something that works.
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>>18067430
Shit, man I get that. I just need to see another shrink and figure out exactly what's gonna work for me. I wish I knew about this sooner, or that my parents looked more into it.

I always thought I was crazy, lazy, had anxiety, etc. I might just have extreme and untreated ADHD.

This is my biggest issue in life, I was avoiding it because I was too afraid to face it but now I am thinking it's really the main root cause of all my problems.

Some story, I was bullied in school and at the same time my parents weren't supporting me either partly because they're facing their own issues too, so I never received any sense of self-worth despite being intelligent enough to be self-aware of what was going on, but somehow that doesn't change what it doesn't change, if that makes sense(because it's only something I don't understand to me and scary).

Later further in school there was another such situation going on, but this time I lost my cool(partly maybe because I wanted to and thought it would solve my problems) and hit the guy with an object, no serious injury caused, but then while I vented my frustration verbally the person didn't have the courage to face up to me, couldn't look up, since that event he always seemed tame around me and talked with guilt+sort of formal friendly/kindness, so then it looked like that person is much weaker then me, I have no feelings of burden from that, it just seems so like he is so behind me in life.

But back to first incident, I never recovered or saw that face of the "that word for crime causer", and I still feel powerless, it's not that I can't fight just, but that my own won't support me and partly, it's truth that these "my" people don't really understand me.
Are all bullies, or anyone who hits someone who is down the same? What could be that cause, it's just something fearful from my perspective although I(my intelligence) understands that they're shrewd inside and the cause is pathetic.

Every time I imagine having a intimate relation with someone I feel like they'll be hurt by similar people and I won't be able to protect them, and that seeking relation is just me running away from insecurity issue(and maybe that's true).
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I don't see anything wrong with this.

Stop having weaknesses and you won't be afraid that people can defeat you.
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cont'd

I think people would reject me if I told this out loud, thinking I am pathetic and weak, maybe I AM weak but I never hurt anyone for myself before or after this, that was never my nature, and I never will be THAT especially after this.

What really keeps me from "accepting my feelings" and "being myself" is that then I let them change me, for the better or worse, but they made me lose my all "at a time" connections I had, ofc course now what I know is more real and the reason they ever had any effect is because there was some weakness in me first, now I am permenantly disconnected from people then the way I way, are they the cause, or is it just me having a realization, my mind is burning out here

I just don't want to change, I keep trying to be the guy that I might've been has it never happened, Idk, should truth come to me in such a horrible way? I feel sharp pain, and I don't want to express it, am I fucked for life, did I lose? I don't want to acknowledge them,
oh well, that's all I can think of, thanks for listening if you're still reading
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I feel like if I expressed myself openly I will be hurt and there will be no one to support me, which might be true, but who do I even live for

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I'm a 4'11 gay guy, and I'm worried I won't be able to find anyone because of my size. I'm decent looking, but my main thing is that I'm really great at sucking cock. Is the height a deal breaker?
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>>18067341
No it's not :)
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>>18067341
Good thing you're gay lmao

I'd hate to be a 4'11" and straight pro dick sucker
>>
>gay guy
>Is ______ a deal breaker
Nope

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I don't want to attend my mother's wedding. What do I say that won't sound horrifically offensive?

I've been slowly distancing myself from my family since college, and over the past few years been studying why I feel such resentment towards them (divorced parents, was used as an emotional weapon throughout, abusive 'step-dads' etc).
I really don't feel comfortable going to her wedding, but she's asked if I can walk her down the damn aisle.
How do I get out of this, the thought alone makes me feel like shit, not cause of her getting re-married, but just having something to do with it.
Halp.
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Sorry, no.
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Go see ur momma b happy, sometime u gotta do things you don't want to, are you over 18?
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>>18067324

Just tell her your job wouldn't allow you to take off that day as they really needed you for audits or whatever. that way she'll simply be pissed at your job and not you.

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I need help please

I'm a tactical asshole, deep inside i'm a edgy faggot with a superiority complex, but i don't want to be alone and i don't want people to notice it so i cover this under many layers of calculated behaviour so that i may come off as ambiguous, that way people can't really tell if i'm nice or an asshole hence they get interested in me

A lot of my moves are calculated, i'm self conscious most of the time so that i can be aware of how to act, what to say, how to say it, etc

I became like that growing up, i don't know how to be myself anymore, it's like the mask became my face (sorry if that sound cheesy)

what can i do ?

I don't want to be an asshole (and at the same time i feel like i sometimes enjoy it)
4 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Military. Go for Drill Sgt/instructor.

Endless supply of ppl to socialize with, and incentivized asshole-opportunities.
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>>18067262
>implying i'm going to help an asshole

people like you ruin everything.
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>>18067278
i don't want to go to the military

>>18067279

your help wouldn't have been valuable anyway

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