Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2248. page

Hi. I am not a chad. In fact, I am the opposite of a Chad: I'm a manlet. I am also happily married to a wonderful woman.

You have very low self-esteem and seem to engage in a lot of negative self-talk. I would encourage you to seek a course of therapy to deal with your guilt and low self-worth. Everyone deserves to be happy, including you. Cognitive behavioral therapy is not too time-consuming, nor is it ridiculously expensive.

If you are not open to therapy, please consider meditation. A technique called "mindfulness" can be very helpful in situations like yours.

>>18112773
>As a male you are either Chad or you are seen as shit.

Yeah yeah, it's society's fault. Do you base what you think on what you see our what 4chan tells you? I think you should leave this place and meet people IRL. And I find it funny that you say non-Chads are worthless yet all you want is "qts", and talk about getting "leftover women" as a sick joke. Yeah no.

>>18112773
explore hobbies that aren't hard or expensive to get into but gives you the opportunity to progress. for me it was music production. its not something i am dedicating my career to or anything but its something that lets me express my creativity. maybe u could thoroughly study subcultures or learn a new language so you can be part of something

Knowing confidently that when your staff fucks up they're fucking everyone over. After that it's just balls and brains. You know how people talk about "management styles". It's a lot of shit because everyone is different. At the end of the day half of the shit that is going to you can be delegated.

OP I also have trouble with confrontation for the reason that I can't stand having people dislike me, but here's some tips that I think might help.

Observe people who fuck up, does it look like they don't care or was it an honest mistake?

If its the latter, talk to them. Be firm and ask them about what happened. Don't be a pushover and make excuses for them, but allow them to make up for it. Play it from the angle that you're doing them a favour by not going off on them.

If they're "fucking the dog", then think about it like they've disrespected you. Like its a blatant fuck you to yourself. Its easier to get angry at someone if you think that they are screwing you over. But yeah, get yourself angry about the fact they don't care because that reflects on you.

Also don't get too close to your workers, you don't want them leveraging personal stuff over you. Keep it professional and at arms length.

>>18112730
Do it in private. Don't yell at someone in front of others. Take him aside.

Use the "One little thing" approach - "I've been watching you and you are generally doing good work. But there's one little thing I'd like you to be careful about . . . . "

She was a huge dick. You did the right thing. If she doesnt learn that she is not supposed to force her shitty mood on you just drop her.

I have friends who sometimes try to make me feel guilty or stupid for something that isn't even really their buisness, so when they do I just don't say anything or I say that I don't care cuz sometimes people don't exactly wanna help they just want to force their own shitty, meaningless opinion on other people. I can't even blame them cuz they mostly don't even do it on purpose they just do it out of habit

>>18112704
HOW TO MEET GIRLS

Don't try to meet girls.
Don't even try to find friends.
Look for things to do. Get a job. Join a club. Join a gym. Take a CC class. Do volunteer work. Jog. Go to concerts. Hang out at the comic book store.

You'll be in the company of other people doing the same thing, so chatting will be natural. Some will develop into friends. Some will introduce you to their other friends. Some will be (or know) girl-type people.

File: 1481409612277.jpg (63KB, 600x576px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 600x576px

>>18112941

>girl-type people

TRAPS

>>18112941
Go to concerts alone?

>>18112695
Do you work in Europe? Anyway, seems like you might want to work it out with her or leave.

>>18112872
USA, i decided to talk to some friends, i decided to talk to her with another supervisor present and just let her know i dont wanna lose my livelihood and that this job is putting a roof over my head

>>18112876
I think that's a mistake, you've let her know how much power she holds over you.

I'm not sure what the states is like but here in Canada we have a labour board that deals with employee harassment and wrongful dismissal. It favours the fired more than the firee.

Otherwise just do your job perfectly and if she keeps harassing you go over her head. Is this hotel a chain?

Ask for money on the corner until you have enough to buy yourself some decent clothes, and start applying for jobs. Find someone to let you room with them, because you're going to need an address in order to even apply for a job. Once you get a job and a place to live, save money and try to improve your jobs and places you live until you die.

>>18112682
leave cali is step one, I don't know how anyone can afford to live in that shithole

>>18112874
We don't. We just try to.
We have no choice because the job market is shit here, and everyone is a massive cunt.
t. fulltime wageslave stuck in literal hell.

also, both mollies were .1 mg if that helps with anything

>>18112653

Derealization and/or depersonalization are quite common side effects of drug use. Drugs directly interfare with your brain and how it functions and can cause permanent changes to some effect, starting form the first experiments. This should not come as a surprise, unless you're a complete tool. Most likely it will pass with time.

>>18112653
>Almost like I'm existentially watching myself do life, but not actively participating.
That's normal. I took a hash/Ketamine/coke cocktail last friday and I felt the same until Tuesday. Just give it sometime, rest, sleep well, and next time watch your doses. You shouldnt be taking more than 250mg of MDMA at most. I guess you had an impure batch...

>>18112621
Nah man you're good to go.

I mean she's probably going to be immature but she's legal so go for it

She's below the threshold for the half plus seven rule but it's not that big of a deal. Bang 18 year olds while you still can OP.

>>18112600
Is trying to date her out of the question? I mean turning the friendship into a couple. Otherwise I think it's not so much about cutting the person off, the advice I usually see is that you should meet more people to get interested in to take your focus away from this person.

>>18112631
It's not out of the question but I don't see how that would help?

>>18112664
It's the next logical step in your relationship I guess. Why is your obsession "bad"? Sorry for not understanding, I just assumed it would stop being a problem if you were a couple.

>>18112565
Never managed to completely change it because there is always this one guy of the old friends i used to hang around with butting into all my connections with people.
Be aware of people like that, it can be beyond a nuisance

I've got a similar problem, i'd love to meet new people but all my friends are internet types who don't want to meet up or are too poor too. When i was younger and in other communities we had real life meet ups pretty much monthly or bimonthly. But as i've gotten older and other places have fizzled out it's just the grogs left.

And i just... don't like Facebook, i don't want my stupid trash all over my profile, i like to compartmentalise my internet existence and it's getting increasingly difficult because everything is getting swallowed up by Facebook.

>>18112565
alcohol an bars will be your best friend. your in college. you should be drunk 95% of the time. become a regular at a bar you like an everything will fall into place. including a drunk slut eventually

Women like to plan, but don't like to decide, you're letting her do the part she doesn't like to do. Try to setup another dinner and that's it.

I guess it would depend heavily on the topic.

>>18112512
Well I kinda feel lonely right now and I know she's practically in the same situation as me and have been for even longer, so I just want some advice from her.

Or is it too heavy?

>>18112514

She could take that the wrong way, given your history.

You sure you just want ADVICE from her?

>>18112490
Can't really get to know each other while watching a movie in a theatre and a dinner feels as if you're expecting to much to begin with

Try sonething light hearted fun and maybe active, it's all about getting to know eachother after all

>>18112490

Going out for a meal or a drink is perfectly fine. Food and beverages are great social lubricants and don't really get in the way of talking.

A movie is bad with someone you don't really know yet. The first date is the "get to know each other" baseline date, and sitting quietly next to a stranger isn't really conducive to that.

Anything casual that lets you chat freely is good.

>>18112490
-Walk in the park
-Amusement park
-Museum
-Window shopping at mall or downtown
-Play tourist - go to places in your city only tourists go to. (90% of New Yorkers have never been to the Statue of Liberty)

A casual meal can be part of any of these

>>18112463

>i feel like if i express that i feel uncomfortable she will lose her shit at me and try leave me

>The relationship is already riddled with possessiveness and jealousy from her

Personally, from those two lines, I can see this relationship has some sort of power struggle or an underlying fear that comes from either her or you (most likely her but only you know), a fear that makes her possessive for example.

If you feel like she'll leave you at the first sign of being away from each other - you're most likely right, I had this happen with my very first gf, I had that feeling throughout the whole relationship because of who she is, and she did leave me at the first little break period we had, I had to constantly be in contact with her beforehand otherwise I knew I'd lose her. Those things are bad, and I should've let her go because yes, that behavior indicates she doesn't want/need to be in this relationship and she's just holding onto it.

This never happened to me with my second gf who was lovely.

It'll be hard but if you can do it - break up with her nicely, distance is a pretty cool reason to break up over - carries no hard feelings because It's understandable.

Start living life on your own brother! good luck

>>18112463
30 min drive is an issue ? Way back my gf of the time moved some 300 miles to study .. how a 30 min commute is even a problem I fail to comprehend

>>18112463

a 30 minute drive is really no big deal. but from the sounds of it you're just looking for an excuse to end it, which is perfectly fine man, just be honet.

this isn't you giving up on a potential future iwth her because of an upcoming hardship.

this is just a convenient exit for a relationship thats already dead. id take it.

the promise of a better future.

>>18112452

Small things that pile up. Hobbies I enjoy, loved ones, good food, beautiful weather, once in a life time experiences, buying new things I've been dreaming about, learning something new and interesting, listening to a very good song, etc. When there are enough small things that make you happy, it's easy to be satisfied.

You need a dream, or some sort of aspiration, OP. Most men get depressed because they don't know what to look forward to.

But it doesn't need to be something huge like "I want to fly in space"...For example mine is to be able to invest so well in passive income that it pays my own living expenses so that I no longer need to work.

Little realistic goals, m8