Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 223. page

How do you start a relationship when you're in the friendzone OP? Pls teach me

>>18692531
It sort of just happens desu. I mean it reaches a point where we are doing basically everything together, we know the weirdest shit about each other and are always there for each other. Getting physical is never a problem at this point either, to give a concrete example; she might playfully mock something about me , let's say a dumb shirt I might be wearing, and I will pick her up and refuse to let her down until she apologizes. Then one day it just happens to go a step beyond that.

I guess the only "formula" part of it is to not confuse being a friend with being her emotional trashcan, that isn't being friendzoned, that is simply being a "beta orbiter". The other thing, as I sort of mentioned in OP is to actually want to be and enjoy being friends and not treating it like a very time consuming Trojan horse for sex.

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>>18692502
>I intentionally get myself friendzoned, I become their best friend
>I start a romantic relationship which are far deeper and meaningful than any fling.
>I feel like there is something wrong with me

There *is* something wrong with you. It's that you think this is wrong.

> It was never a case of "I'll pretend to like her so I can sleep with her" far from it in fact. It was always about wanting to get to know her as a person, something so much easier done as a friend than as a BF.

This is literally the best way to do relationships. Friendship is the best basis for a relationship.

Why the hell are you guilty about it? What you're doing is literally the same as anyone would do with a normal relationship, just in a longer scale. In a standard situation, you see a girl you find attractive; you'd like to hopefully bed or date her. You go up to her and start talking to her. Maybe you talk a couple times to see what she's like. You eventually redirect the interactions toward romance. It succeeds to or fails.

What you're doing is just the same, except with this you get to *really* know the girl - after such a long while you will have a really good idea of who the girl is, and she you. You know if you're compatible, and if it'll work. There's a shitton of positive regard and reciprocity already. A relationship passing those tests would be, as you already know, highly fulfilling and deep. And if it doesn't pass those tests, then hell, you still have a good friend. Which is psychologically healthy as fuck.

It's not deceit. It's having ulterior motives, and that is about as 'wrong' as moving your legs and walking. If you introspect a little, you'll find that you have that for damn near everything you do. It's called direction in life. Not having overarching motivations is living life without objectives (ie, dumb).


Why do you feel it's deceit?

>>>/g/
look for the pc building thread

>>18692436

It's not a building question faggot.

It's an economics question.

>>18692445
Fine, but you would get more help there. 1050 is pretty meh. It can run 1080p, but not on ultra. The mobile version is probably underclocked. Either way you are cucking yourself gaming on a laptop.

You simply can't change a narrow mind no matter how hard you push and try.
You have to retroactively ignore them or else vanish from their lives.
Like moving somewhere far without giving them directions or numbers.
If you care about them, show up to their house when needed, but never reveal where you actually reside.
IMO it's easier severing all ties.

>>18692372
Pretend to be gay, they'll ignore you for you from that point onwards.

>>18692604
>retroactively ignore
I kekd, what even does this mean.

Indian with the feather or the dot?

>>18692331
learn some moderation?
dont buy a truck load of food and if you do make sure they are at least healthy alternatives
find out why you're binge eating; are you bored?

>>18692331

I have, used to be 300+, dropped down to 175 at my lowest, at 210 right now (on a bulk fuck you).

You have to understand that you eat because of boredom and habit. It's not your animal brain, its habit (if you are eating correctly. If you aren't getting proper nutrients then of course you go bananas).

Every time you get a hunger craving go workout.

>>18692331

Don't buy so much food to your house and/or get out? Plan your meals for a day and don't by any extra food. If being at home triggers your eating, then spend time elsewhere as much as you can. Also, figure out why you eat: are you bored? Is it comfort eating? Are you not getting enough/right nutrients from the food you eat (I.e. is your body making you eat in order to get what it needs)?

>>18692220

Use the time alone to think about why you were fighting and decide if it was a big deal or just something stupid that's not your or his fault.

Then act accordingly.

>>18692220
Apologies. That's all. Give him a bj as well.

>>18692220
>said some things in Arabic
They will kill you

>>18692193
write a manifesto and go shoot up people
or just take a car and run over people it's more hip these days

and choose a good target like a femen rally or a street prayer

>>18692193
I was a fucking genius at elem. without trying. It still went to shit.

>>18692193
Bear with me - I am going to make a point.

Personally I, the anon typing this, am one of the least athletic persons alive. I am lousy at every team or solo sport, and have never successfully tossed or caught a frisbee.

I could consider myself a failure in life (as I did through much of my childhood) because of this inability. But then I realized that I am pretty good at schoolwork, and quite good in certain subjects, and eventually found a good job that makes use of my talents.

So now, rather than identifying myself to myself as the guy with no athletic ability, I see myself (and in fact am) the guy who leads a happy life as a result of being good in this other area, and who doesn't care that he can't catch a frisbee.

And here's the point. You've discovered two things you're not good at - academics and that one trade. O K. Cross them off the list and look for a third thing (and if necessary a fourth or fifth) until you find what you are good at.

And then forget all the others and define yourself to yourself as the guy who's good at this, and doesn't think about the others

tell them thats an extremely selfish question and let them think on that

I have no patience for that nonsense anymore

>>18692178
Ask them why there self confidence is so low.

>>18692208
No I won't even consider giving a one night stand any emotional value. So how do you pass it. I just want to say something like:"Indeed I am, (don't know how to follow up)". When they say: "you say that to all girls, don't you?" I always just answer: "Yeah, all girls, who were sexy enough to catch my eye" (it sounds in my language less corny).

That's 10 to 15 years from now. You probably won't even be with this same girl. Who the fuck cares. Just tell her you don't see yourself doing that, but who knows how you'll feel then.

>>18692120
Lmao, wait till you put a ring on it before you do anything like that

>>18692120
Poor keanu ;_;

>>18692119

Hate to break it to you but you are the side girl. One of many, I suppose.

>>18692123
Potentially. The other women he sees is actually in an open relationship, so it's purely sex in that case

>>18692119
You have to ask him about what he seeks. Wife, mistress, fwb, slave.
>inb4 he can lie
Why would you sleep and or date somebody you dont trust in the first place.

>gorgeous boy
Enjoy while it last. It is evident you love it regardless of what he wants.

>>18692105

It varies depending on the woman's personal preferences and what values she happens to hold.

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>>18692105
Stability, attractivity, kidness, support, maleness, money, penis, provider, sperm donor, cute smile.

>>18692172
Could you specify maleness and penis, please? Both are pretty general. Thanks

>>18692034
It's the truth for most friendships. Very few are true friendships that ignore value.

That's a shame. You need to prove your worth to them somehow. I don't know you so I don't know how you'd do it but you need to prove that your worth sticking with somehow, otherwise, as sad as it is, you probably aren't.

All friendships are circumstantial OP. If you suddenly went to live on the other end of the world chances are your friends would stay where they are and stop hanging out with you, instead of following you into the sunset. Friendships change, come and go. For the current situation your friends want to hang out with you. I don't see why this bothers you so much.

My ex whom i dated for 3 or so years used me to get through depression and then tried to sell me this bullshit that she was actually bi and wanted to hook up with chicks and shit, kept swearing i was the priority in her life, I'm too soft spoken and shit so i cave.

Then after a year she decided she didn't want to move to my state, decided she was exclusively lesbian but still wanted to "date" me for emotional attachment, despite her obviously becoming distant and admitting to not being attracted to me.

Then she tried to tell everyone that i dumped her because i couldn't handle the LDR anymore (i fell for the ldr meme) when she literally had been steering the relationship down a cliff.

Now i have a gnawing suspicion that my next relationship will be the same shit where I'm just going to be manipulated and used.
Wew

>>18692037
Not every girl is that messed up. That's not right. Being used is a horrible feeling and I can say I doubt you will find another girl that fucked in the head to do that to you, and if you do you are looking for then wrong girl.

>>18692043
Thanks Anon
Still working to get over my shyness, introversion and soft spoken nature to get back into the game. Highly considering dating apps at the moment, since I'm not all that out going normally.

Friends keep trying to set me up with a single chick in our group, but i don't think the feelings mutual on her side, but I'm trying to feel things out at the moment.

>>18691931

Also interested

>>18691931
discord is the best way for making online friends imo

>>18691931
https://discord.gg/Km53Up

At least you're realizing that now. Trying being middle aged and realizing that. I am not ok.

Fuck dude :(

Well, I've been doing everything the other way around and I'm pretty miserable as well.

The good thing is that it's easy to know when you've found someone likeminded, the bad thing is that they're hard to find and that there aren't many of them.

It's kinda like quality over quantity, you either get along with a lot of people or you have a few close friends.
There's no right or wrong, the whole thing is subjective. There's times where I wish I was more 'normal' and had many friends instead of the few I have.

And of course the world isnt black/white, you can always try and find some middle ground, express yourself without going over the top.

>>18691782
Oh, how cute! It looks just like a real penis, only smaller!

youtube "RSD Daygame"

>>18691782
Go to them and ask phone number. That's easy