I think I might be bi but I don't to feel a strong urge to act on it. Its like I've realized that I'm not 100% against the idea of fucking a guy, but I don't think I will ever do it either, so I feel kind of torn on what to identify as or what to say if asked about my sexuality, I don't want to be a closet case but at the same time I don't feel gay enough to warrant going around calling myself bi. What should I do /adv/?
>install grindr
>find a boy you aren't repulsed by who doesn't seem like a creep
>meet and experiment with your sexuality anonymously
>take things slow, only explore what you're comfortable with
I felt the same way, found a cute boy on grindr, met up, and did exactly what I was comfortable with, which ended up being kissing and mutual oral. It was okay, might do it again with the right guy, but I don't hate myself for trying it!
>>18117673
I'm just not interested as much anymore, my curiosity peaked and I scoured the net for the few guys I could be attracted to, that always lead nowhere and now I just don't care anymore. The only thing left is this lingering worry over what to do with that side of myself now that its gone dormant.
>>18117783
Just give it a shot. Look on grindr for someone, set your profile name so its clear you're straight, the gays love that, hooking up with a straight guy is like taking a virginity for them. Make it clear what you're looking for, then go experiment. You have nothing to lose and if you don't try you'll always have that niggle in the back of your mind wondering what it's like to let that side of you cut loose.
Once you've done it you'll either genuinely completely lose interest, or decide it's something you like that warrants further exploration.
Okay, so I've heard this from several different girls, a lot of my mates have heard this from several different girls.
I'm starting to think girls 18-19 just love saying this sentence like it's the best sentence they have ever heard. What's the go with it, is this a common thing ?
Girls that age probably haven't had a lot of sexual experience/would have had sex with other inexperienced and not very good partners, so there's a chance you are genuinely the best sex they've ever had. Which doesn't mean a lot.
The fact is that most girls under 20 have only ever had absolutely shittastic sex. Most guys under 25 have absolutely no fucking clue how to actually fuck a woman for her pleasure, if they even care about getting her off at all.
If you're even half good, know how to give good oral, know where the clit is, and get her off before you even ask for head or start fucking, there's a good chance you're better than 90% of the men she's fucked in her life to that point.
It's not usually that you're amazing, it's that your competition is fucking horrendous.
When you're banging 30 year olds and they're telling you you're a good fuck, then yeah, you can be proud of yourself.
>>18117644
Which then begs the question, does it make you 'good' at something, just because most other people (with a similar level of experience) are fucking terrible at it?
How to avoid frequent unwanted sexual thoughts?
>Sees a brother and a sister
they have sex together
>sees a dad and a daughter
they have sex together
>sees my friends
they are naked
Agreed. My mind's messed up.
But I stopped porn like a month back and I'ms till facing such problems. I fap once in a week too! How do I stop these shitty thoughts and be a better person?
Nowadays everything I think is too sexual.
OP here.
I'm constantly finding ways to cope this. But I need to ask, can meditation bring this down?
>>18117635
I don't mean to be condescending, but you seem like a guy in his early teens. In which case, this is entirely normal behavior. It gets better by your early twenties.
>>18117647
I'm going to be 21 this wednesday.
I'm positive I've fallen in love with someone I can't be with. I'm accepting that.
But, what now? How can I move on, and love someone else, when I'll always love a different someone? No matter how hard I try, I don't think I'd ever be truly in love and happy unless I was with that person.
So, if moving on isn't option, how do I learn to be happy alone? It's strange, it makes me so sad that we can't be together, but for some reason I don't want to let go of how I feel. It makes me feel better, somehow, more complete, as stupid and cheesy as that is.
tl;dr crush dont like me back wat do
Cut contact. She doesn't feel even remotely the same way about you. You are not special to her. She can live without you. She doesn't like you.
>>18117640
Situation isn't that simple. But, besides the point, I've cut contact on-and-off a silly number of times.
I'm in the exact same place with someone so I feel you. I'm in love with someone I can never be with, and the fact that I can't be with them has turned them into the ultimate fetish (taboo) object. I don't know what the solution is, but I think in some ways this feeling may be natural.
Here's the short version of how I got to where I am now.
>Be me as a child, probably around five at the time
>Family teases me about something
>Can't handle the bants, become secretive to avoid it
>Get used to and skilled at lying, hiding interests, doing things in secret, etc.
>Slippery slope, things become worse and more irrational over the years
>Be me now, early 20's
>Live almost entirely based around this persona, do almost nothing openly except play vidja
>My behavior is dictated by irrational fear of judgement and trying to be whoever I think the world wants me to be
>Worst with parents and family, still bad with friends and coworkers
>Not sure if I can ever be myself
What do? How do I undo like two decades of living a lie? How can I ever reveal this to anyone and finally let the act drop?
>>18117629
Move to a city where nobody knows you and your not expected to play the role you have been pushed into at home.
You'll realise the act isn't that much of an act.
Literally the exact same thing here, OP. My advice is shitty advice, but even shitty advice can be helpful.
>lies started to catch up to me
>slowly get new friends and be complete honest, but keep my distance
>this subsection of friends I reach out to when I want to
>tell them the complete truth about everything even if it may hurt them
>tell them I got a problem with lies so I'll tell the lie upfront and then tell them the truth after
Old friends:
>literally cut off outgoing communication unless approached
>tell them another lie that I seen a shrink that told me I'm a habitual liar, double life, personality disorder
>the few friends left accept me and move to other section of friends
>majority cut me off or maintain anger with me
Improving everyday now that I maintain only 1 lie now. I'm becoming more trusting in people.
>>18117629
Exactly the same thing here, OP. The person I am and who my parents think I am are utterly different. I know it's stupid and I should just stop lying and be truthful about everything, but it's really hard and feels like I would die from shame.
It's nice to know I'm not alone, at least.
>messaging a grill
>things going really, really well
>she's keen to go on a date
>try and work it out but our schedules are difficult
>messages me, can't reply for ~6 hours
>messaged her next day
>been two days, she hasn't replied to my last message
How am I supposed to play this off? Literally the last thing she said to me is 'don't worry, I'm sure we'll work something out for next week'. I've sent the last three messages, don't want to seem desperate. But haven't heard a peep from her when we were message all day erry day for the last week.
Seems odd that she would suddenly lose interest, she's been gagging to organize a date for the last three days. Either she's pissed that I didn't reply to her message for 6 hours (in which case bye felicia), or there's someone else.
>>18117618
Could be she's mad from the text delay, could be shes playing a game. Idk OP girls are fucking crazy and undefinable.
'spose I just have to sack up and message her then, and cop the awkwardness.
Fucks sake, you badger me for a date for three days and then disappear of the face of the earth, how tf does that make sense.
>>18117739
Maybe something came up with family, who knows? Just be nice. Maybe she has a good reason.
Hey /adv/. I feel a little strange, posting this, as my situation really isn't that bad. Still, I'd like some knowledge on how to improve myself and my situation.
>First-year University student, pretty well known state school
>People say I'm decent looking, but my self-esteem is still basement level
>Huge difficulty starting conversations with new people, especially women. Honestly don't even know when/where to talk to them.
>Heart beats hard and extremely fast, and I start shaking. Starting conversations causes me legitimate fear.
>Added to this, I have a considerable inferiority complex, and some symptoms of depression. Never diagnosed though.
>I just assume nobody wants to talk to me unless they start the conversation
>Nobody ever does
>So, I spend most of my time third-wheeling with my roommate and his gf, both good friends from HS. Some other close friends from HS came to the uni as well.
>Roommate and his gf chill about me third wheeling, but they're a disgustingly cutesy couple and I only really hang out with the both of them to avoid being alone
>Being with friends makes me feel like I'm missing out on meeting new people
>Being alone makes me lonely.
What do I do? Something about my college experience just seems empty. I haven't gone to any parties, or any of that. I'm not opposed to partying, but my friends seem to be (especially the couple) and it's just not really my style. Ultimately, I'd like a girlfriend, but I feel like I lack the ability to socialize with women.
tl;dr- I'm a lil bitch in college and want to stop being a lil bitch
Not op but bumping cuz similar sitch
Go and meet new people...? You don't have to do everything with your friend, you're allowed to make new friends, you know.
>>18117611
What are you interested in? There is bound to be a club devoted to that. Go to it. The other members will be as nerdy as you about the subject, and your shared enthusiasm will make conversation easy.
Since I was young, I have never noticed boys or men around because they all look same and boring to me. I am straight female, 32 and find girls and women spectacular and visually interesting, not men. I am only attracted to men if they approach me and based on how they act but still don't find them visually exciting or pretty.
Especially when I was young, I never noticed schoolmates or famous boys like boyband members and actors. Regular boys with buzzcuts (the only cut then) were even more boring. Boys never used makeup, their style was ugly, their hair was very similar and their faces looked much worse than female faces, if I even bothered to notice. Normally I did not. I didn't get why girls were so obsessed with those boring creatures like boys. Male actors and singers were still boring looking and in the background for me, only there to pay attention to women.
I didn't notice boys and men to the point that I didn't recognize my classmates because I never looked at their faces. I remember faces in general very badly, it takes for a couple of months for me to recognize someone without any external help like facebook photos or cues, like hairstyle and clothing. But it is very difficult with boys/men because they look all the same to me.
I started to look at men only in the late 20s but even then I noticed them only if they started the conversation or paid attention to me. I've never noticed a man on the street, unless he wears something spectacular, but then just for the style and not because I am attracted to. I only like men when they approach me for a long time and even then not everyone, but most men are still invisible for me because I notice every single girl and woman, even pretty feminine gay boys with unique styles, and not normal men.
I wonder if anyone has the same experience, that men look boring as hell, not pretty, but still can fall in love or like them. Just not based on the first impression.
>>18117598
How much makeup do you wear?
>>18117613
why do you ask?
>>18117622
You mentioned boys never use makeup and their faces are uglier than girls. Most girls are pretty fucking ugly without makeup.
So my parents are immigrants, but I am not. My father works with some kind of permit, my mother cannot work. As of now, we are renting a home for about 5+ years, $1000/month.Our landlords are shit and fed up with their shit. My parents are telling me to use my information to "rent to own" a home and my father is going to pay the payments up to around $1000 a month.
Is this a good idea or I'll be fucked later in life?
I'm 20 with around 700 credit score.
>>18117571
>my information
What does that even mean?
>>18117577
My social security, name, my soul
>>18117585
Are you really their son/daughter?
I feel bad for your parents sacrifices their youth and time to give you a better life and this is what they got from you. Without them you don't even have a life in a first world country and have that much credit. So get the hell up little brat and be a good kid.
Your parents are going to pay for the rent anyway maybe plus your college and expenses.
Finally go fuck yourself
One of my best friends and her fiancé want me to fly across the country to stay with them for a few days. I have been friends with her since we were in middle school, about fifteen years ago, and have known her fiancé for about a decade.
My girlfriend didn't seem to like this idea because my friend is a woman. She has met my friend on several occasions, so she knows about her. I have been very open and honest about my history with this friend. We have never been more than friends and neither of us have ever wanted to be more than friends (we've both dated many different people in the timespan that we have known each other). Is my girlfriend being unreasonable?
Why wouldn't your girlfriend be invited along? But to answer your question, yes your girlfriend is being unreasonable
>>18117549
Nope. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think it wouldn't bother you? You either make this trip together with your girlfriend, you don't go, or you break up and do whatever you want as a single independent person.
You don't really get to do sleepovers with friends of the opposite sex anymore when you're in a relationship. Maybe SOME couples are "evolved" and unemotional enough to handle things like this, but most are not. Your girlfriend's reaction is totally normal and you should respect her wishes here
>>18117561
OP here. Girlfriend wouldn't be able to take the time off from work, and honestly has no desire to go.
>>18117563
The roles were reversed at one point. She flew out to stay with a (guy) childhood friend and his girlfriend last year. I was totally fine with it.
>talking to girl online
>she tells me they're bussing down to Florida
>tells me she's taking a van with 2 other people
>tell her that's cool and I want to do that
>she says come with and i say ok
>she asks when and where to pick me up
Is this bad? We just started talking. I mean I don't really feel unsafe I can verify it's the person I talked to before I even get in and I have nothing to steal and if I'm left abandoned somewhere I can just have my parents order me a bus ticket
>>18117544
Do itt, its a crazy story either way. Just be cautious don't get stabbed
>>18117544
>total stranger in van pulls up alongside of me.
>We're going to Florida. Jump in.
Would you?
>>18117722
Yeah, I'm not OP but I'm also not a fucking pussy
Embrace the random
I moved to the state for like years already. I lived here and going to college. I love to stay and start a new life here but every thing has its own expiry date, time for me to leave as I finished my time here.
The problem is I felt so heart broken. I don't know, I'm sad and feeling like I'm gonna lose something real good and I'm gonna regret it. Why though? I never thought that leaving a place that wasn't my home country would be this sad. What do I do to overcome this feeling? I'm feeling like I'm in the middle of a break up.
Moving without any solid plans on creating a new life sucks. Some like the blank slate type thing, others don't like the burden of finding new friends and contacts while still trying to stay in touch or letting go with those you left behind.
>>18117551
I meant it's my home country right, I thought going back is just something I should feel happy about let alone having doubts. Now I don't really know what to do to overcome them feel.
My boyfriend confessed to how he cheated on a really old girlfriend, way back in the day. I was really shocked; it's a really shitty thing to do. Sometimes I feel paranoid that he might cheat on me, even though he hasn't given me any other reason to think that.. How do I get over this?
Once a cheater, always a cheater. You're right to feel apprehensive.
Way back my college fuck buddy told me she cheated on a bf she had in high school in and I got mad at her for doing shit like that. It's not cool
Lo and behold I find out about a month later she's been dating this other guy and I had no idea. Made me feel like a prick.
>>18117548
statistically untrue
>>18117556
I agree, but with someone who has cheated before, you know that they're capable of it. Why would you risk it?
Should I feel obligated to bring these people?
For the past six years my friends and I have spent a recurring Memorial Day trip at our friend's family condo on the beach in Santa Monica. She's been an awesome host, and is a close friend.
But last year some people kind of fucked up - so I don't think we'll be invited back by the family. She's also slipped fucking terribly and is now awful and drunk and letting her life go.
A chunk of us are planning a trip in a new place, and haven't told her about it. Should we feel obligated to invite her, or just move on? She's kinda ditched us, but has hosted for a ton of years and helped a bunch of great memories.
God hates lemons, apples, and cinnamon?
>>18117557
Nah, it can't be that.
I think he meant that this energy drink/beer hybrid is meant to be our Lotus Flower, aka, we'll never advance any further if we drink this, for it would be so delectable, we'll just forget what the fuck we just discovered a week ago.
That, or we'll die from a massive heart attack after puking up excess energy from the energetic part of the drink, while suffering the drunkness from the alchoholic part of it. Ergo, still fucks up whatever progress on a plan that god crafted.
Then again, I just ate a magical brownie an hour ago and I'm starting to feel its effects. My body is so relieved, and my mind has opened up to so many paths.
I'm not here for advice. And I know this is very much against the rules here. But I just want to ask about something I rarely get the privilege of experiencing.
- What's it like to have friends and general relationships?
My mental illness, way too often, costs me all of that.
it's alright. but what sucks more is having them and then losing them. don't let anyone ever tell you it's better to have loved and lost.
>>18117507
Agree 100%.
Nothing like being knocked off the padestol to learn you are alone.
I'm your friend, anon. No matter what may be causing you trouble, the world is better with you in it. :)