Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2019. page

Amy shumers made an entire career out of it. Lighten the fuck up.

>>18179116
You alone laugh at your joke is enough.
Who cares about other people.

>>18179116
HEY BITCHES FUCK Y'ALL MY FUCKIN JOKE WAS FUNNY

NO SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU (point around at everybody) FUCK YOU AND ESPECIALLY YOU (point at the person closest to you)

I LAUGH AT ALL YOUR STUPID FUCKING JOKES WHAT AIN'T EVEN FUCKIN FUNNY AND THEN THE ONE TIME I DARE TO SHOW AN IOTA OF SOCIAL CONFIDENCE AND CREATIVITY Y'ALL JUST FUCKIN CAN'T EVEN PITY LAUGH LIKE A BUNCH OF CALLOUS BITCHES

OKAY WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS SHIT AGAIN

(tell the joke again)

OKAY LAUGH THIS TIME (grab the person closest to you by the throat) OR I WILL LITERALLY STRANGLE THIS PERSON TO DEATH, THIS IS NOT PART OF THE JOKE, I AM NOT ACTING OVER THE TOP TO MAKE YOU LAUGH, I WILL LITERALLY CHOKE THE LIFE FROM THEIR FUCKING BODY AND WORRY ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES LATER

>>18179085
It is better to be weirdo loser on a party than to be weirdo loser on the internet.

If nothing else you can get drunken!

>>18179096
it's not even that kind of party i go to a small kike-ish college, there is not even gonna be alcohol because it's a sponsored event

>>18179104
Why not get a gf? Chat up some qties there.

>>18179048
The thing with virgin girls is that it will hurt to some degree one way or another.

So you can man up and stick your dick in and hope for best, send her to gyno for her to be checked for trouble or made her ride you yourself so she is in control of pain.

Or she has vaginismus but that is rare. But you did good by eating her out.

Try to man up or make her horny so she get rid of her virginity herself.

Cheers.

1) Get her to see her gyno to make sure everything is in order

2) Eat her out until she's as wet and wide as she's gonna get (I'm talking about spending a good 15 minutes)

3) Have her on top so she can control how much of your cock she puts in and at what speed

4) repeat steps 2 and 3 over and over til she gets more experienced

>>18179048
how the fuck did you just "got a gf earlier this month"

>>18179011
she met a new guy and developed a crush on him

>>18179011
It can be anything from her being on period through chad just dumped her to she has been diagnosticed with terminal brain cancer.

Expects unexpected, remind yourself that nothing last together and see yourself what will happen next. If she wont tell you, it means she doesnt trust you.

>>18179121
She's introverted, barely any new people she meets

>>18179133
She always ends up telling me, but she always has this initial block of "I can handle it, it's no big deal"

>>18178955
That's not rape, OP. Don't sweat it.

>>18178970

I mean it's not illegal rape but is it like rape through coercion?

>>18178976
>not illegal rape
No such thing. And while what happened might not be as brutal as being raped by a total stranger with a knife at her throat, what you did does sound like rape if she didn't want it. You certainly did push her boundaries.

>>18178914
If you want a highly desirable partner, you should become highly desirable yourself.

Be attractive physically. Dress well.
Have an interesting personality. Be passionate about the things you do. Do interesting things that are worth being told: travel, engage in extreme sports, have fancy hobbies, whatever. Be charismatic and funny. Take risks.
Be wealthy and financially stable, and willing to spend money on her.

The problem with this worldview is the pretense that the only thing women care about is wealth. There are tons of women out there who care about things other than that - therefore you can find a woman like that without being wealthy; all you have to do is find those women.

Hell I see these women all the time. Sometimes I wonder where this attitude that "women want wealth" even comes from, because I honestly don't interact with that type very much. But I live in a super liberal area, so maybe it's a culture thing.

Confidence and passion for life. If you're passionate about something and do it well, you're probably getting paid for it. Money is just a result of leading a good life. If you aim for just the money without actually loving life and doing what you want, you'll become one of those old rich dudes with mail order brides wondering why you're never happy.

Do something while you're still young and it doesn't end your whole career

I can relate to this so hard it feels like we are literally the same person

Even the part where a game reminded you of what you didn't have. Except instead of a game it's TV shows for me

The only reason I don't kill myself is because I want to experience anything before ending it all

>>18179047
Good idea, I guess when you're at the bottom there's plenty of room for manoeuvre.

>>18179113
I'm glad you can relate.

I just want a fun and interesting life.

What makes it worse is that I've sought one out, but my environment makes it difficult if not impossible.

I just wanna do underage drinking and smoke weed and do young people things with people I love and care about in a place I care about

Is it true that men have wet dreams if they don't masturbate and that their sex-drive works like hunger?

>>18178828
I'm not sure if I would describe it like hunger. But there is generally a need to get off at least once in some time period, depending on each mans libido. Which is why it's often suggested to refrain from jacking off if you're in a dating slump, it's going to help make you more willing to take risks.

Ladies, is it true that you would love to care and nurture your boyfriend/husband if he got a non-infectious illness that forced him to stay in bed for a few days?

Like, cook him meals and shit. I always read that women like doing this and I don't believe it.

>>18178693
Yeah, join. I wish I did. Now im literally homeless. so hungry all the time dude. good drugs sometimes though. if this is what you aspire to then by all means dont join the military and just keep thinking youll find yourself one day. protip:you wont.

>>18178693
Dude honestly, you're a pussy. I'm willing to bet your dad was never an active part of your life. Single mom raise you? Do you identify as an intp? (Probably lower on the iq spectrum) do you have a job? Anyway my point is. You've probably never had an active role model in your life to show you that despite the world being a cut throat place that it's okay to also be cut throat. You don't know how to be assertive. The military will teach you to be assertive and to have confidence in yourself. The military will teach you to own your shit. I'd guess you're real quiet. You'll feel so energized when your voice shifts from being real quiet and "non-offensive" to giving you presence in a room where there is an audience. Honestly bro what have you got to live for if the quality of your life is going to be so dependent on you not being able to assert yourself or express what you believe. The only thing I'd be worried for you if you did join is that you'll suddenly start getting noticed by women and your dumb inexperienced ass is going to fall head over heels the first time some pretty girl starts sucking your pecker. Don't be a fag. Never commit. Not till you've gotten enough experience to discern the shit from the gold. Anyway, have a good one.

>>18178693
Join the military.
See the world.
Meet exotic peoples
who will try very very hard to kill you.

Just try it lol, not that you'll have trouble finding someone..

>>18178685
welcome to almost every males world ever

>>18178694
I would only have sex in a relationship because morals and stuff but tfw no bf

>>18178711
Well, how do men deal with it?

>>18178607
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahajahahahaha, 18k gold WHAT? Nobody is that stupid. I find this hard to believe. If it did really happen you made yourself seem desperate enough so you had to bribe girls

File: pathetic_skinner.png (71KB, 500x324px) Image search: [Google]

71KB, 500x324px

>>18178607
Please tell me this is a joke. You couldn't of done more of a beta orbiter action than giving a girl 18k. You truly are an utter retard if this is true and only have yourself to blame.

>>18178607
Just forget about it dude. Take the rose back too. Haha this is one of those things youre gonna laugh at when youre older.

go form door to door asking if they have coding jobs, rinse and repeat til you get a job. work your way up ladder & improve skills. Depression: eat fresh fruit & veg, exercise.

>>18178543
With a bachelors degree out of your hands, you fucked it up real bad... Take that oracle java proficiency test (idk what its called exactly) if u like programming in java or some similar test to get a certificate so that you have some way of showing your skill set, then look for online programming jobs I guess.

Or you can ask the alumni of your college (someone who knows you are good at programming) and possibly work with them?..

>>18178578
Continuing on my answer, the main setback is that you have no way of showing what your skills are, some certificate or anything equivalent would have been sufficient in this case but you getting out of your college shows you aren't dilligent, there must be people in your contact who know your worth, If I were in your case I would meet them and discuss a possibility of working together/under them (don't beg them for work, that would be awkward for them) and show them with the quality of your work that you were well worth their trust.

>>18178477
Stop copying and pasting this

>>18178477
Jerk off right now to your girlfriend. Then tell me how you feel.

Bait thread

>>18178419
Say your Jewish and it's a part of your faith

>>18178423
It's too much work to fake being a religious, because they check if that's true

>>18178419

>>18178401

go up and say hello, say you're name, and then comment on something. anything. if they have any merch / gear / costume from something recognizable, comment on that. if they do have merch / gear / costume but its not recognizable, ask about that 'hey, whats that from? looks familiar but i cant recall... oh no i havent heard of (dragonball?) whats that about? interesting im more into moe shit myself cuz im a faggot. haha k love you too'

thats all it is really. no merch? no gear? depends on the circumstance but you can still tal kto them if you're in their general area.
>im trying to find XX, any idea whats going on?
>have you been to Y panel or seen Z person here?

>>18178401
Girls at anime cons are weird. Just keep that in mind if they say something weird, miss a signal, or ignore you. They might just be aspie, have anxiety, or be socially stupid.

If you see a girl alone, she might be bored, just walk up and say hi I'm ____. Are you having a nice time?

Talk about what is around you, how you discovered anime, anime, what city you're from, your friends, family.

Remember to listen very well and make the right amount of eye contact. These girls are weird, if they start to get shy, then ask the, simple questions that are easy to amswer, and do it in a line.... like this for example, Do you have any brothers amd sisters? How old are they? Do you love them? Oh you guys fight a lot?

Another example of a line: What's your favorite anime? Inuyasha, cool, yeah Ive seen every episode I love that one. Who's your favorite character? What do you like about him?

And eventually she will start blabbering about it. You should listen and remember what she says. Attach what you learn to her. She isn't just a girl anymore, her name is _____ and she has _ sisters that she fights with, and she loves inuyahsa, ____ character.

So when you're walking around and having fun, you can draw upon these memories, like if you see inuyahsa merch or something. It will show you listen to her and care about her.

The other option is a talkative girl. Just smile and listen. Never inturrupt her no matter how bad you want to. Just hold your thoughts til shes done talking then you talk.

Remember to lead. The girl will be shy and awkward as hell. If you are at an event that just got boring,them she is probably bored too. Ask her if she's bored too, and you guys can leave. Feel free to talk to other people if it feels right, she might be interested. Remember to discuss your interests with her with enthusiasm, girls will surf the waves of your emotions. And if she is in cosplay, offer to take pictures, selfies, and pictures of the con. Trust your gut.

Thanks for the tips guys.