Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 177. page

You don't. Trust is something that's earned over a long period of time. Once broken, it starts over. Generally people who break trust willl do it again as people generally do not change. It human intstinct as a way to protect yourself. So don't go trusting people you shouldn't because some loving liberal tells you everyone deserves 100 chances in life. They don't.

>>18709904
It's hard to explain, because on one hand, it feels like I believe they won't do it again, but on the other hand I'm a very paranoid person who worries about the stupidest shit. Only this isn't stupid shit that can't just easily be waved away as irrational thoughts, not anymore anyways. But I'm determined to trust them again. I believe they deserve it.

>>18709904
Depends on the relationship you have with them,and how bad they hurt you.I wouldn't stop talking to someone if they stole some food in my fridge.Also you have to forgive family.

>>18709879
Either move out or demand she pays rent
She is not going anywhere bud

Toss a grenade into the toilet?

Since you want this to stay civil, maybe compromise and ask her to pay her share of utilities and other expenses, but they decide how to deal with their half of the rent between themselves? If they're sharing a room, she's not exactly intruding on your space.

Also interested

>What's a good language to learn in terms of usefulness/job viability?

Give more information. What is your job? Where do you live? Who is the clientele?

I am going to assume you are a farmer on the plains of Mongolia so I would say Mongolian is a good language for you.

>>18710000 (gigs nigga checked)
I guess it's a more broad thing, but I live in the US, (California to be exact). As for job, I'm planning to work in an industrial design position, but also as a freelance web designer. What language would fit these?

Call the police on a noise complaint and see if they find anything

>>18709835
This.

Tell them there might be domestic violence going on.

Also, tell us what happens. I bet they are taking a break, but I would love to hear about some murders.

>>18709825
send them an anonymous note through internet (twitter, email, whatever) or something. you HAVE to be very careful, and if you don't have enough knowledge about tech and shit, you probably won't be careful...

b-bump

>>18709817
You don't. You just wait until its over.

Don't join a shitty sorority or frat.
Be an individual not a sheep being herded by a bunch of retarded chads.

>>18709805
>Implies I have a Girlfriend

I'm terrified of this happening to me. I've been dating my bf for over two years and he is the most important person in my life, other than my mom and my siblings. We've shared so many defining moments and he's helped me overcome personal trauma and grow as a person. He's the first person I've been in love with. Do people really just split up because they "grow tired" of another like an old toy? Maybe you aren't really in love with someone if you just get bored of them... or maybe you shouldn't rely on someone to keep you entertained. I don't think thats what relationships are about unless they are just essentially shallow friendships.

>>18709860
No you have to work at love like anything with doing it won't be easy.
Your partner (just like you) is infinitely complex and you can never understand everything about them. But you can try and that helps keep things interesting.
I was a serial cheater before I met my wife but I haven't and I won't because I am in control. And she would be crushed and I care very deeply about her emotions and the cheating could never be worth it. My wife is an amazing woman and does a lot for me.
We've been married over a year now and I'm not going to lie sometimes a get bored but then I kinda just keep going and I'll either forget I was bored or shell do something really adorable and I'll remember why I married her.

do you feel like you don't belong in any of those things? do you feel that there isn't any depth in your relationship with people? do you love them? do you love yourself?

>>18709784
>all this other shit
>crippling depression
Hardly crippling
You have no purpose, it seems. Give yourself direction or chill out and keep coasting.

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>>18709792
How do you tell if you love yourself?

Would you be okay if your girlfriend went and danced with a bunch of guys like that and let some of them feel her up?

>>18709719
Not at all, good point...

>>18709994
So your 'buddy' is a moron. You should feel bad about this. However there's really nothing you can do about this and telling her is just going to cause more issues. My advice is to keep it to yourself BUT also don't go to clubs anymore where you could do something like this again. Clubs are for single people.

Wait and you'll get over it.

Brew up some bomb ass tea

Learn from the breakup and don't make the same mistake again. Whether it's picking the wrong person or doing something to end it. As already said, time will help heal the hurt. Don't rush into a new relationship. Take some time to heal and reflect.

Not true, lower your standards.

What alternate universe do you live in

>>18709668
Straight men and women cannot be friends without somebody wanting to fuck

You can't choose what you feel. You can choose what you do. My best friend (who is a woman) knows that I'd do her if she'd be okay with it and can accept that just like I accept her saying that that is never happening.

Make sure the women you are friends with are women you want to be -friends- with specifically. No exes, no unrequited feelings-salvations from either side. You should want to be around them because they are pleasant and entertaining/interesting/whatever people.

Secondly, act the part. You don't have to never touch her or whatever, but keep the overall dynamic light-hearted. There's a natural sort of indifference/casualty between most friends where you are not dying to hear from each other 24/7 and not always ready to do each other whatever favor. Make sure you don't slip into romantic behavior (cutesy little texts, tender compliments, you name it) or sexual vibes. If you are in doubt, ask yourself whether you would've done this to/for a male friend.

Thirdly, make sure they are women you actively do not want to date. Eg she's attractive and smart, but incredibly driven and type A while you are a mellow guy looking for a girl with the same outlook. Or knowing that certain behavior/traits of them would drive you insane to be around. Feeling some attraction is not terrible, you are only human, but feeling like there's real potential for love is. So make sure that even if suddenly you become very physically attracted to them, you are still aware that a relationship isn't all that tempting to think about reasonably.

Imo platonic doesn't mean that you never ever feel any kind of spark or desire. It's more like being professional contacts vs being friends. You might personally like a business client but you're not going to grab a beer with them (depending on the sector) because that would muddy the waters and be unprofessional. It would make you uncomfortable despite the fact that you are professional and not personal acquaintances not being rooted in somehow not liking them. You have just made a different choice, more suitable to the situation, and now honor and invest in that choice. Lamenting what could've been if you had met as friends is a waste of time.

>>18709593
you've listed the first problem .
>very small social circle
start expanding it slowly, go to clubs gatherings or anything you're interested in .

doing that won't work unless you work on your confidence which is very easy .

meet someone you like talk about something you like and don't overdo it .

and then if you two click you'll have a gf in no time .

Go to a shrink and start working your shit out.
What is it that you are afraid of?
How can you change your thinking so that it becomes less problematic for you?

>>18709593
>in college
nigga, you are NEVER going to be surrounded by thousands of girls between the ages of 17-23. Take advantage of that shit NOW.

Download tinder
download POF
Fuck, download grindr if you feel so bold.

Just DO NOT waste these years. You WILL regret it.

I recently paid a girls rent, and got slightly horny from her saying "I'll do anything i can to make it up to you".

She's going to repay me.. in some way.

No i don't know this feel.

>>18709596
That's not the same, and you know it but good luck.

>>18709583
read the bible my friend

>>18709562
I usually smirk and show it doesn't bother me

By never getting angry, hurt or visibly made insecure by whatever they say. Either respond by making a joke or give a bored, unimpressed response (which mustn't sound passive aggressive or cunty). That's literally it.

Also read this in case you are completely socially retarded (which you probably are).
https://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/

>>18709610
Sounds good. I need to work on being more quick witted I guess, but if I'll use the unimpressed and uncaring response with a smirk maybe.

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At some point I asked if she'd seen anyone since we been apart... and she told me that she was dating a co-worker less than a week after we broke up, and that they had split about a week before. I was devastated and broke down right there - I didn't know that she had seen anyone and I was hoping with everything that she hadn't but I just couldn't take it. I know I shouldn't feel like I did because she was single and free to do whatever she wanted, but I felt so betrayed. I guess I hoped that we could pick right off from where we where months ago.

There's a lot she went through that summer, but none of it makes me feel as if she's figured out her shit. It's not all her fault, but it doesn't make me feel any better. She overdosed on her mood medication, almost committed suicide with the rest of them, isn't on them anymore. The reason why she and the guy she was seeing broke it off was because she was attacked by a male friend she had over while they were playing video games. She wasn't raped, but it sounded like it was a close thing.

After she told me about her and the other guy, said that she'd love to try to make it work and take it slow, and that she would understand if I said no. She also told me that she'd take it harder if I told her I couldn't see her now than when we broke up - which doesn't make sense to me. I told her that I didn't know if I could forget that she had started seeing someone just a week after we split, and even though I still loved her I didn't know if I could make it work.

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We continued talking, and I decided that I would do my best to at least go on a date together that night. We eventually went out for dinner, and then decided to walk to a park. We hung out for a while there and talked about our relationship, and the past five years of our lives, and the mistakes we'd both made. We ended up back at her place, and things got intimate - we had sex once, and as pathetic as it sounds I started crying the second time and couldn't do it. I wish I could slap myself that night for sleeping with her, and now I just feel... dirty. I couldn't stop thinking about her and her co-worker on that bed, the same bed where we'd had sex countless times.

I spent the night, the next morning we accidentally slept in and she offered to drive me to class. We talked about everything more on the way there, and I told her again that I loved her but I didn't know if I could deal with the fact that she's been with someone else, especially so soon after we broke up. Her response that since we wouldn't be seeing each other more than casually, that I could see someone else.

Maybe I would feel different if I'd seen someone in that period of time we were apart and we were on equal footing, but I know that this would eat me up inside if we stayed together. The only options I see are to stomach it and try my best to forget about it and stay with her, or just move on with my life. I don't think I could see someone just to fuck them so I could be with my ex - if I'm going to do that I might as well just move on completely I think. She can be a kind and wonderful person and I miss her more than I can say, but I think we might be better off apart.

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Am I being played like a fiddle, /adv/? I miss her dearly but I don't think I can deal with the fact that she's been with someone else, and I think that if I can't honestly deal with that fact if we're together again it'll just be messier and more awful when we break up again. Sorry for the long post, guys. I'm at a crossroads and no matter what's happened between us it still hurts to leave her behind if that's what happens.