Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1330. page

>Connecticut

Where nigga?

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>>18459690

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>>18459685

The age of consent isn't an issue. The issue is you're having sex with a 16 year old. Not only will you not have a leg to stand on if she accuses you of some kind of sexual assault but you also have her family to consider. On top of that, if you're able to dodge the dubious legal language and angry brothers and fathers you'd have to deal with the fact that regardless of age of consent, any pictures or pornographic material she decides to send you would legally be considered kiddie porn.

Long story short, don't fuck kids and you won't have to worry about these things. I know it doesn't seem like it but the developmental difference between a 23 and a 16 year old are massive. If you're actually willing to trust a 16 year old not to act fucking crazy and accuse you of rape or flip her lid and try to ruin your life if you disappoint her in any way you're a gigantic fucking idiot and you deserve whatever happens to you.

You are not insane. I'm personally on your fence. If one's words doesn't reflect one's intentions, then one should rephrase one's words. There are other people who believe, as your girlfriend does, that good intentions trumps all.
Your girlfriend and you disagree over a fundamental value. That is troublesome.

>>18459674
She has a hard time just accepting when I'm mad, and constantly looks for a reason to not say sorry. She then commences to provoking me into getting even more pissed, which then leads to me cursing at her. After this happens, everythings apparently my fault because I ended up cursing at her out of anger.

I see this as typical scapegoating behavior where she literally provokes me into getting angry, then once she gets a bad reaction out of me, everything is my fault.

So once again, please find a fault in me or open my eyes into what I am doing wrong, or what she is doing wrong.

>>18459664
no I would check a ho. that's the attitude people in my area have, and so males actually stay in demand instead of being cheap doormats. if you're asking someone who "loves" you to say sorry and they won't do it, what's the real picture?

now without any context, maybe the argument was bad enough or maybe you pulled enough shit for her to be acting irrational. if you piss people off enough you'll see the worst sides of them. also sometimes it's best not to argue, and to just be grateful for what you have.

there's the two different sides. you pick whichever is compelling to you.

also im not much of a hookup kind of person. I would have to push myself pretty far out of my comfort zone to pursue this. Is it worth it to hook up with a woman much older than you?

I'd fuck a woman in her mid 30s in decent shape any day of the week OP. Dem hips

>>18459652
she looks like she's 40. the tiniest bit overweight. Theres some good picture of her and some bad pics. I'd say shes a 5/10 pushing 6

>>18459621
Where u live? Some brace and courteous anon could help out

>>18460358
I thought about it but giving her away would have the same result.

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Check the laws where you live.

In many areas, including my city, landlords can bitch all they want about no pets, even if you sign it in a lease, but a homeowner can have as many pets as they want (even if they previously signed off their right to in a lease, it's like when an employer tells you you're not allowed to talk about your salary, you have the legal right to even if you sign it off in a NDA.)

Jesus Christ, she was amazing looking back in the day.

>>18459590
>>>/lit/

>>18459590
>Both of our living situations are weird atm so we couldn't really get any alone time.
Can't do it at home? Go to hotel to fuck. Or do it in a car.

> Point of all this is that I am so so vety nervous about touching her because of a really fucked up relationship I had in the past.
But you already want to fuck her in the middle of the street if she just touches you...

Just get intimate (well, not the middle of the street). It's not like you can expect yourself or her to cast a better magic spell and you'll be over your last relationship before that.

Of course you can talk with her about your nervousness, but ultimately you'll have to get over it yourself. Again, no magic spells anyhow.

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If you love him, don't give up on him. There is something that is really bothering him, even if he says he told you everything, he's hiding something. That's not to say he won't ever tell you what it is exactly, but that the moment is not right.

Give him the attention that you believe he deserves, but don't make is seem like you are deliberately going out of your way to tell him to "cheer up! It's a wonderful day to ____". He's going to believe he is only being a hassle to you. He will eventually see a part of himself that will motivate himself to improve for you, and for his own health.

Depression is a terrible thing to fall into, and to get out is hard. You feel as if you are a failure to your family, yourself, and to everyone around you. Don't let him loose all hope. I've been holding on to the little I have left.

I really do wish you and him the best. Good luck.

Is he in therapy? Is he on medication? Does anyone else know?
I don't really have an answer for what you should do, but I have some answers for what you should not do. Yes, I have been in your situation before. I was terribly codependent and enabled my ex. I tried to shield him from any hurt in the world, any efforts, any consequences. I did everything for him. I thought I was being loving. What I was doing is making him rely on me, and making him unable to be independent. I thought if I told him that everything was going to be okay, that it would. But after a couple years, he started spitting back at me that I had been using that line for ages and "nothing had gotten better". Of course, things really had gotten better, but he couldn't see that when he was at the pit of a depressive episode.
Things started looking up when I (literally) dragged him to therapy. He was scared to go alone, so I went with him for a month or two. It was helpful for me to see what kind of skills the therapist was trying to teach him. But maybe I shouldn't have been so involved, because it played in my desire to control his progress.

I understand that you don't want to make it worse. But do be careful that you don't sacrifice yourself in the process. Keep your boundaries and be sure to call him out if he starts lashing out at you. "Hey. I understand that you're having a hard time, but you can't talk to me that way."

>>18459560
>>18459605

Simple things to not make it worse are just basic human decency things. Common indecency really hurts the emotionally compromised, whereas a neurotypical might be able to brush it off. A lot of those can be boiled down to getting mad and being insensitive. Say his apartment is always a mess. You hate it. The indecent thing would be to yell at him, accuse him of being lazy, and say that you just don't understand how he lets his environment be so awful, because you know it'll just make him feel worse. All that isn't very nice. But you also shouldn't have to put up with his mess. Certainly DON'T clean it up for him. What you can do is say, "I don't feel comfortable coming over when your apartment is like this. Let's come over to my place instead."
He might be hard on himself about that, but you CAN'T pretend that everything is okay when it clearly is not. You might be able to put up with his mess. But he shouldn't lull himself into believing that it is in an acceptable state for company. You would be doing him a disservice to teach him that.

If he turns to you for answers, try to guide him towards answering his own questions. Ask him what his options are and try and get him to say some pros and cons of each option. In the end, ask him what he thinks is the best idea. If he's lost and floundering and wailing that he can't do it any more, push getting help. Be a broken record to any excuses. "Go to a professional. They'll know what to do." Consultations are usually free.

Do what you would regret the least.

>>18459524
Is there anything particularly stopping you from accumulating some money first and then going to a college or university of your choice?

>>18459587
I've been trying to do that, but the shops I've applied at have rejected me do to no previous work experience.

Right now, I really only have a month until orientation.

>should I let myself be manipulated back into a relationship just because my ex is being clingy?
Gee, I don't know, OP, what do you think?

WeebLord, Jesus fuck, I still have feelings for her and she definitely does, but I am still angry about it

>>18459500
Angry about what? Why did you break up in the first place? If you want a real advice write all relevant details.

>>18459471
You're essentially looking at basic bitch stuff like phone support and telemarketing. You can try transcription too but that's a lot of work and honestly you'd be better off working at mcdonalds.
amazon has a work from home thing, not sure how to quality or what they pay. https://www.amazon.jobs/location/virtual-locations

Medical coding? It would take a lot longer than 6 months though.

I assume you have social anxiety. I actually have an answer for your question but I'm not gonna enable your autisticness. You need to go to the office and get over these issues.

>>18459470

define easy, and define 'comparably good paying'.

but honestly the two dont mix. thats like asking wahts the easiest way to lose weight while still eating junk food.

somethings gotta give. most jobs that require no experience are simply minimum wage so there is no comparably good pay.

Waiting isn't terrible, at least in the UK, you can get alot of good event staffing jobs which are fairly easy.

Easy and well paying, but requires no experience?

Like picking up gold coins in the leprechaun's rainbow factories or something? Come on, m8. Every job like that is already filled by the boss's family and friends, because it doesn't matter who the fuck they are if they don't need experience, and it's easy, so it might as well be a friend or family.

there's tons of jobs like that in different fields, but as you can imagine, nobody is interested in finding some random person for a job like that, when literally anyone they already know would do just fine. Makes sense?

>>18459465

personally id call the police. if my brother beat me im not going to wait for him to go get military training then come back.

im biased though. last time my brother threatened to punch me i pointed a gun at him.

>>18459465
I'd just wait it out. Calling the police on family never ends well even when justified because then the other family members treat you like an outsider.
If you've got like $150-250 you can try to stay at a weekly hotel or somewhere on airbnb.

He'll get his shit pushed in if he tries to pull that in boot camp and most likely end up right back home if they don't think he's worth the effort.

Your brother is insane and needs professional help, not to be sent to a place that challenges your mental limits. Your dad is very, very stupid. If I were you I'd interact with both of them as little as possible until I could move out.

>>18459454

Dumb the bitch and be yourself.

>>18459454

You should break up. It doesn't sound like you rushed into it.

This shit happens, man. We all put our best representative out there, and then when we get comfortable, have a tendency to become different people. The best thing to do is try to approach relationships and dating in a way that's more representative of you.

>>18459454
From your story, it seems you've put enough time to it, so I won't call it rushed.

If you're interested on fixing it you should ask her what did she mean by different, what's her expectations on you. etc.
It's normal when the honeymooon phase in relationship ended and thing start to become secure and comfortable things are put into another perspective and expectations.

If it can't be helped, just put it into a rest then. Break it off and try another.

>>18459351
Just break up with her.

If you go out with other girls while with her, its the same ending but just worse for both of you.

>>18459351
What are your long term goals with your girlfriend? Do you think that you two can compromise? Do you think that you two can be happy together? Love is amazing, but can you two function as individuals when you are together? Do you ever see things changing?

If you think of cheating as a solution to your problem, that is a long term solution. It's not going to be a pump and dump and you're done. Because you will get sexually frustrated again. The longer it goes on, the more likely she'll find out. How will she react? Will she break up with you?

If you think that you want to cheat on her because you're going to break up anyway, consider this: You will have a black mark on your dating record. Any woman who finds out is going to be hesitant with you. Plus, if you allow yourself to do it once, you'll know how to do it, and it'll be easier for you to do it with any future girlfriends. Do you want to let yourself be a cheater? Do you like thinking of yourself like that? Do you like the idea of other people thinking of you as the cheater?

>>18459360

But I enjoy other aspects of our relationship with her and genuinally love her. I'm really not sure about leaving her and I'm not sure I can break up with her. I feel like she's my only friend and I do love her. It's hard to reconcile these conflicting feelings since society tells me that feeling like wanting to be unfaithful is a terrible and shitty thing(and I agree it is) and says that if I loved someone I wouldn't feel this way..but I do.

Be sure to use your credit card and your real address, also don't forget to log in with your Facebook account and posted to social media that you bought weed online.

>>18459243
Ha.....
>>18459192
You're asking the wrong place.

>>18459192
Weed is illegal, stunt or completely stops developing of your brain and police can send you to jail just for having it, school and employer can do random drug test and kick you out. Also it can start mental illness if you have predisposition for it.

Buy alcohol. Cheaper, much more fun and widely tolerated. No jail, no mental ilness and it IS ACTUALLY FUN to be drunken and do silly stuff.

I would get dressed all nice, bring a rose or flowers, flirt with her (or at least compliment her on stuff) and be a gentleman like opening the door for her, knocking on her door instead of calling her to come out, etc. Idk though I'm a 18 year old girlfriendless virgin so take this with some consideration.

>>18459191
The only things I can suggest are to get physical (ie dance or hold hands with her) and see how she reacts.

>>18459191
Right here
>>18459186

Try asking her if she has boyfriend and right after it ask her on date. Easy.