>>Give me your thoughts and advice on what i say and ill do the same to you
I feel like I have an overinflated sense of self-achievement if you can call it that, not that I think I'm some spectacular person everyone should be blessed to even look at. It is more with the fact that I believe that I can achieve whatever I want because I just feel that I can do it because it's me and I feel like I have the ability to push myself as far as it takes to achieve something. As much as I tell myself that this is wrong I still can't change the way I think.
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Why change how do you think? You think like a winner. It's only a problem if you do the talk but not the walk.
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>>18454076
I just don't know what to apply this to which is my issue, the problem with this is that sure I believe in myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to but at the same time I don't know what to do.
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Aahh, so you do the talk but don't know how to walk... Try forcing yourself to do the things you think you can do. Challenge yourself even if you don't initially know - you can always google what to do.
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Imagine that you're pursuing something high-skilled. You like it a lot, and possibly have the beginnings of passion for it. But of course you still have a fuck of a ways until getting where you want to be.
And, what would you do when a lot of it includes things that you hate? When frustration or depression burdens you, what do you do to stop from feeling as if it IS the problem and that you hate it? How do you avoid this and march on, the flare of motivation and inspiration still blazing in you? And what if you are a fickle as fuck idiot who never properly learned how to fight and overcome such problems? To maintain your integrity and be your own hero that can fight your own villain? Erm, I hope that makes sense...anyway...
This is my dilemma.
I have a treacherous history of being too easily influenced by rough patches like depression or other unfortunate events. I'm like a sapling beset by a monsoon. Could be ripped up and flung into who-knows-where. And. no, this isn't an excuse...it's a predisposition that I've realized that I have, and have a responsibility to overcome. I know that a lot of people, even the ones pursuing their passions, usually have to do the dirty work that they hate in order to get there.
I've done a reasonably good job so far but...I am afraid of me, of how time passes so quickly and how when everything goes to shit in my life or at least in my head, all that I care about goes to shit too. Tainted. I'm not sure how to maintain that same enthusiasm through even the rough patches. I don't know how to properly "resolve" towards something.
/adv/, I need help. What should I do to change myself?
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Self-indulgent bump
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>>18453971
Don't try to change yourself. Really, don't. The idea that you have to become what you want is a trap - you just have to keep finding inspiration enough to keep going. Eventually, you will align with a point where the fulfillment you receive from your actions is enough in and of itself, and you will then have become whatever it is you need to be. You can't seek it. You can't walk toward it. You can't make a plan and break down steps to get there. You have to release yourself from the delusion that you are not already everything you need to be.
It's hard. It's fucking maddening. Your sphere of influence will seem minute and almost completely negligible. You will feel like you are treading water in the ocean, and your goal is barely visible upon the horizon.
So dive. Just immerse yourself in living - the people, the feelings, the countless chances you have to make connections and stoke the fires of passion in others - live through them. Forget that you have a goal, and do everything that brings you joy.
Eventually, you will emerge on the shores and find that you have always been there. Resolution is an end - you do not want to "resolve." The suffering is part of it - learn to love the suffering, for it teaches you. Suffering is the best teacher, because you eventually learn to feed off of its impermanence. You find that running into the flames is a purification, and that there is no thing so powerful as a soul on fire.
Remember that you are never in as much control as you think you are. Remember that you cannot know everything - at once. Remember that perspective requires movement. Remember that we are never the same person as we were a moment earlier.
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Help guys. For psych majors, can ypu recommend me some good books about developmental, cognitive and counselling psychology? Thanks
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Have you tried your assigned textbook?
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>>18453979
school doesn't start yet. i just wanna have some second opinions and start some readin's
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>>18453969
Not a book but a person:
I assume you've heard of Jordan Peterson?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI
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I broke up with my first girlfriend three months ago. It made me evaluate what I want in a relationship and made me define my tastes. Overall i'm happy I did it, we parted amicably and we are both better people for it. Since then, i've thought about this girl I knew from high school.
We didn't know each other very well, in fact we only met up once a week, if that, for a kind of book club. I always remember getting along really well with her and thinking she was very attractive at several points but I never worked up the guts to ask her. I know she's still living near my hometown but we haven't talked for quite some time and like I said I don't know her super well. I really can't explain this attraction that I feel, I just really want to meet her again, but several things make this awkward.
We're facebook friends, and my old girlfriend publicly got into a relationship with me. I'm worried if she'll think i'm flaky asking her out only a couple months after openly dating someone. I've also always had this inkling (or wish fulfillment) that she likes me. Small things that added up, she always smiled at me in the hall, laughed at my jokes etc. and seeing me in a relationship with someone else could make her think i didn't like her.
I don't have her number, but I can message her on facebook, though i'm not sure how to do that in a non-creepy way. I don't expect her to fall into my arms or whatever, but I would like to maybe go to a restaurant or a park or I dunno. i'd just like to try at least. So i guess what i'm asking is how do I go about doing this? For that matter, SHOULD I do it? I don't want to freak her out.
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>>18453915
>So i guess what i'm asking is how do I go about doing this?
Take a hit of weed and a serving of phenibut and just do what comes naturally. You don't have to be smooth to seem confident, but you do have to be confident to seem smooth.
>For that matter, SHOULD I do it?
Shit dude, if it's something you want, and if there's anything even slightly over a 0% chance of it working out, what excuse do you have not to pursue it?
Anonymous
intense anger and sadness 2017-06-25 04:48:19 Post No.18453913
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intense anger and sadness 2017-06-25 04:48:19 Post No.18453913
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intense anger and sadness
Anonymous
2017-06-25 04:48:19
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i'm usually pretty good about managing my anger and emotions, but lately my mind has taken everything to extremes
example, if someone says something mean to me over the internet or irl, my first thought is "welp, i'm gonna shoot myself or them" and feel intense intense anger and complete loss of being able to control my emotions
just now i saw a snapchat story of my ex having fun with his friends and felt intense dread, anger, and jealousy to the point where suicide was an intense fleeting thought in my mind
i feel as if something seriously crossed me i would lose my shit and take out a shitload of people or myself. i often fantasize about shooting up my college campus and then an hero when these emotions become too strong
why the fuck am i feeling all these intense emotions that i can't rationally calm down? i'm always so rational and this shit can't be stopped for anything.
i've been diagnosed with depression/anxiety blah blah but i didn't think that irrational anger came with that package since i've had it for 5 years and never had this. it's making me feel like a danger to myself and the fact that i don't know how to control it scares me.
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>>18453913
If I were next to you OK. I'd put my arm around and we'd watch Tommy Boy or maybe Emperor's New Groove.
I can't help you at this minute, but if this thread stays active for about 24 hours after this response, I'll help you.
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Most likely an internal issue that arose when you were a child. In the most caring way possible, I suggest you seek professional help. From what your saying, a big feeding factor that keeps this persisting is that you don't have an outlet. Although you no having an outlet wouldn't automatically mean that's the reason this is happening to you, it definitely creates a recurring cycle where an event happens, you get emotional and don't know what to do but have no outlet so you internalize your feelings, you probably do something that gets rid of it eventually yet doesn't solve the real problem and then you wait for the next event.
My point being that there is a reason you feel this way and honesty with yourself and your past is the only way to correct it.
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>>18453988
where do you live anon
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Hey, I drink a lot of mixed drinks 50/50 Dr. Pepper and Admiral Nelson(rum). Someone suggested on a drugs thread in /b/ that mixed drinks lead to hangovers. So, to advice! I have a 64 oz mtn dew "mug" i constantly keep by my bedside and constantly wake up in the night to drink out of it ALWAYS WATER.
I find myself hung over a good amount and looking for changes to reduce the intensity and, if possible, reduce number of hangovers overall.
I know a hangover is something that just WILL happen with little to no fix if too much is consumed.
I should describe the type of hangover I have, its almost always headache related, rarely stomach/body related(check "shots" line for more)
I do smoke ciggs, and moreso while drunk(don't know if anyone has noticed hangover effect if smoking/not smoking while drinking, but figured you people should know)
Someone once suggested wine to me, however, I find any and all wine tastes like rotten fruit and I gag.
I can't seem to drink beer quickly enough to get drunk.
I can do shots, but in the morning(food/water before bed) I am close to puking all day. Head is better, but stomach is FUCKED. Tried going mixes and shots, however I get regular head hangovers.
Food and/or glass of water before I pass out has never worked, probably due to the amount I drink.
I have tried a multivitamin with food before passing out(on an empty stomach I puke)
I have tried a multivitamin before starting to drink for the night.
One of the best cures I head was from an actual medial doc who suggested a saline(sp?) drop with vitamins(apparently used for near starving people or something, it was a while ago).
Feel free to ask for more details if I have forgotten any and use any of the prevention/cures I mention(in case you never heard of it.
posting this and using the restroom, brb 3 min.
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take this from someone that spent the last couple of years as an alcoholic;
There's no way around a hangover
It doesn't matter what way you consume liquor and then pop or whatever the fuck you're drinking
If you're drinking enough to feel the effects you will have a hangover
Eat before, during and after your drink, try to keep as much water going into you as you drink. My rule; 1 liquor should equal 1 water.
And try to keep to alcohols your body can digest easily , there's no magic liquor that won't make you sick; everyone's different.
For me I can drink beer and light alcohols like a breeze, but wine and whiskey kill my stomach.
Also, when you wake up; drink water, smoke weed, eat something greasy and take an advil then go back to bed for an hour
Guaranteed you'll feel 100x better when you wake up.
Other than that just accept that a hangover is part of alcohol, you really can't do much about it other than not drink
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>>18453919
plz no connection error
Thank for not going to dumb abstinence approach.
and FUCK. I was hoping for some sort of solution.
Perhaps 1 for 1 with water will(slightly reduce) the effects? I know you are saying it won't but with experience and how that has become your approach I gotta try. I feel I am an alcoholic as well, 3+ years I feel, fell into a rut because of a cheating gf(I blame her, but its me I know) 5-6 nights/week I drink ~half a handle of rum. Shit.... its turning into an alcoholic thread.
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Fucked around with my adblock, removed all of 4chan and yea, it works now with adv.
>>18453919
Are you still an alchy? how did you get out?
For me(OP) I've been to 2 AA meeting and the religiousness was not for me, went to a psych... fuck that, $200(USD) for an hour? Can't afford it. People say "just stop drinking" it aint like that. I do well for a week, and when I go shopping I make excuses "gonna buy some and not use it to prove I can stop" later that night I'm blackout.
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Adv I need alcohol to sleep now.
It's not like I need to be completely smashed but a few pulls of whiskey is the difference between drifting off quickly and peacefully and thrashing in bed trying to get comfortable.
I'd like to stop doing this.
It used to be I only did it when I was feeling stressed and couldn't relax.
Now I feel stressed whenever I don't have a bit of posion in me
How do I do this
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Need 2-3 letters of recommendation for a summer internship
2 are professors at my college, 1 was going to be the owner of the biggest fine dining restaurant in town. (I used to bartend there and the company where I intern always had meetings there).
Go to ask for letter of recommendation and the owner is on vacation for 2 weeks.
Should I just get the assistant manager/head chef to write one instead? I'm worried about waiting too long and this internship opportunity might go away. But I also would love to have the owner of the fine dining restaurant be the one who gives me the recommendation vs the assistant manager/ head chef. But I suppose having anybody from that restaurant will look good, even if it's not directly from the owner.
What should I do? Wait 2 weeks for the owner or settle for second in command to write me the letter of recommendation? There is no time table for how long this internship will last
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no. get the letters now. it doesn't matter who signs it for the simple reason that the process may take longer than a couple of weeks, and if they do decide to call the joint, you can put don the bosses contact details down too. they may talk to him then.
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>>18453786
okay thanks, I'll go tomorrow and get the assistant manager to write me up one and I'll just put the boss down as a reference contact and hopefully they don't get confused why I didn't get a letter from the boss but hopefully they can just ask me that and I can explain
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Am I dying guys?
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>>18453760
thrush maybe? or is that a penis in your mouth
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huh. well i'll be damned.
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>>18453760
Thought that was a very ugly penis going into a very ugly vagina.
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How to talk friend out of suicide? This is urgent.
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Let him do it.
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>Are you in crisis? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at +1 (800) 273-8255.
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First accept that there isn't anything you could say that would heal them instantly. Curing depression takes time. You can't change their mind for them.
So if they go through with it don't blame yourself for not "finding the right words".
Next counter intuitively you don't have to talk at all. Listening could be just as helpful.
http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2338-5-disturbing-things-i-learned-working-at-suicide-hotline.html
>screen on my only computer broke cause I dropped my laptop
>stuck with only a tiny phone now
>stuck in the middle of nowhere
>no money and in debt
>can't find a job, even fast food places haven't given me a reply
>no friends and no one to help me through the lowest point of my life so far
>have never felt this depressed before
what the hell do I do anons
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>>18453741
if you can get $5 or $10 by selling some of your stuff you can get a basic monitor off craigslist or a thrift store. Sometimes you can find monitors or old TVs in the free section on craigslist. Once you get some initial money you can try buying stuff at thrift stores and then selling it on craigslist for a markup. or garage sales and such.
Anonymous
Fell asleep at house party, now living in fear 2017-06-25 02:58:35 Post No.18453733
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Fell asleep at house party, now living in fear
Anonymous
2017-06-25 02:58:35
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I have had a horrible week. I was at a party last week which was at a friends house. I went there initially with my gf and another friend and his girl.
When we entered there were like 20 guys and a few girls. We were the youngest at the party with me and my friend being 23 and the gfs 19 and 21. The party host which is a friend to me used to be a co-worker. He is 35 and the people at the party were around that as well.
A few of them were some sort of sub-group consisting of like 7 guys. They didn't really say hello to us, were just checking out our girlfriends and after we sat down to one of the benches they kept looking in our direction talking about us.
Later on when everyone was drunk the host asked me to go upstairs with him because he wanted to show me some stuff related to his new job. We were taking half a bottle of whisky in shots and finally came back one hour later. My gf, my friend and his gf were all gone and they said that one of them was way too drunk.
We smoked some weed and since I usually don't smoke I was tired as fuck. I went to the couch to lay down and fell asleep.
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>>18453733
The next morning I woke up and with a hangover, picked up my keys and phone from the floor and just left since there was nobody around. While I was sitting in the bus I wanted to check what following bus I had to take. I opened the browser on my phone and it opened up a link shortener page. I clicked the shortened url and ended up in my private dropbox folder. When I went back to the page I saw it had like 8 clicks. I had the rights to delete the url still so I did. They have picked up my phone when I was asleep and with my fingerprint they could get in.
I am since then seriously living in fear. The folder contained more than 500 nudes or semi-nudes and a couple gigabyte of video everything I took or she sent me in the last 3 years relationship and most of it is really explicit. I am her first boyfriend and she is my second gf so she has no problem with me taking those or sending some as long as I keep them away which I promised.
It kills me knowing those nearly twice as old fucked up guys have that. I don't know what they will do with it and I don't know if I should tell my gf or not.
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How are you at fault?
You know who do it, your gf if it gets to that would know as well.
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I just don't get it when people say "You need to have more confidence". What the fuck does that even really mean?
Confidence to me is just one big lie that will get you killed one day. It leads to you underestimating something which will get you fucked over. How can you honestly tell yourself "I am capable and doing this thing I have never done!" When you think about it critically... its just full retard to me.
I am one to never underestimate anything. I treat most challenges as being possible for me to fail. I never treat anything with the chance of NO FAILURE.
This in turn has made me a very defense person I guess? Its probably ruined my chances of ever experiencing a relationship to. To me, I just can't be confident because it doesn't make sense to me.
Confidence seems good at first. Sure you surpass some things but then you get that invincible feeling and then one day, someone way better than you shows up and fucking crushes you. Your bloated ego now lay in pieces on the floor. That is what confidence does. It blinds you to very real enemies and very real challengers.
In your opinion, what is confidence really besides just another enemy that wants to see you break?
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Implies ability. Something like 'I know I could get a good outcome or do this easily'.
Self-confidence is general. For example you can have no confidence in your artistic ability but still be confident in your ability to handle most life challenges related to things you specialize in.
Major things that lead to overall confidence:
- ability to attract the opposite sex
- ability to be likable in social situations
- ability to handle simple tasks or responsibilities
- if you're a smart cookie, ability to handle complex tasks or responsibilities
There are actually a lot of variables that can lead to overall confidence, it varies between individuals. However there are common themes/skills related to all people.
You're not wrong, false confidence is bad. But genuine confidence, built from personal experience, is a very normal and healthy thing. It usually relates to a specific kind of skill or ability but depending on that ability can apply to many things.
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>>18453702
Confidence is the belief that one is capable of success. To have more confidence is to believe one is more likely to succeed. A person needs to have more confidence if they find themselves not starting a task in fear of supposedly certain failure.
Of course, too much confidence can lead one to, as you observed, underestimate a task or overestimate themselves. But this worry of hubris should not lead them to inaction. Ironically, one must be confident that they will not become overconfident.
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that's naivete and brashness leading to recklessness you're describing.
>"I am capable and doing this thing I have never done!"
that sounds full retard because it is full retard. confidence is not that.
>"I am capable of figuring out how to do this thing I've never done"
^ that one is confidence. essentially boils down to knowing your strengths, your limits, your standards, your boundaries, your [clearly defined] goals, and how you're likely to react in x situation. for example, this:
>I am one to never underestimate anything.
is a statement which comes from a place of confidence.
failure isn't something to be feared btw. nor does being confident subsequently mean disregarding it. confidence isn't strictly "i know i cannot fail". sure that applies sometimes (and sometimes falsely, in an inflated sense, which is where you can maybe get into trouble) but what applies all the time is "whatever happens, i know i'll be able to handle it and come out the other side and be alright". failure = "welp. that <new information/ life lesson/ insight gain/ valuable experience/ discovered opportunity> sure was a pain in the ass. we reassess nao."
Anonymous
How can I help him feel better? 2017-06-25 02:12:35 Post No.18453660
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How can I help him feel better? 2017-06-25 02:12:35 Post No.18453660
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How can I help him feel better?
Anonymous
2017-06-25 02:12:35
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This premise may sound familiar for anyone who read my thread Thursday: The guy I'm with had to choose between me and a girl he was seeing before me, a few days ago. He started dating me because she wouldn't commit into an actual relationship with him, I was willing to. Just when he was about to break things off with her, she told him she wanted commitment in that moment, but he decided to stay with me.
He's very upset. He broke her heart, she ended up crying. She's put him on a guilt trip since, purposefully sometimes, other times unintentionally. Either way, she said she wanted to cut contact with him on the phone, twice and in real life, yet she just texted him and he's back in a fit of sorrow. He feels so terrible for hurting her. I don't know what I can do to help. Seeing him in person helps instantly, but I can't see him everyday.
I know he needs to grieve, and time will heal his wounds, but I want to be as supportive to him as possible in the mean while. He means the world to me.
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didn't catch your first thread but uh... have you considered bowing out and letting them get their shit sorted?
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>>18453703
Bowing out? Yeah I didn't want to intervene with too much, but if you're asking if I've considered leaving him? No. I hate the trouble he's going through, but he doesn't want to date her anymore. She's genuinely not good for him in the long run; his words.
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>>18453707
i see. well best you can do generally speaking is to let him take the time when you two are apart to process the maelstrom and reflect and work through it on his own so he can move past it fully, and then on the days where you're able to see each other just make your company enjoyable. learn to read his moods and adjust your...mm call it "energy levels" i suppose accordingly on the fly. sometimes cheering him up will be just what he needed that day. others, anything more than a chill quiet afternoon of simply appreciating each other's presence and cuddly closeness will be exhausting and draining for him.
link your other thread? bunch of questions i've got that you probably already answered then
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Do I have any chance with this woman?
I met a girl at the gym a few months ago, we made I contact, but I didn't say anything. I wrote down her license plate number on her car, did a little research and found out where she lives and works.
I went into her work about a month ago and found her. I gave her my number and she excepted it. She never called, so the next day I returned an item, just to talk to her and eventually got her number. We texted a few times, but when I tried to make a date, she's always busy with her sick mother.
I decided to put a rose and sweet card I bought into her mailbox the other day. I didn't say it was from or anything.
Do you think she will suspect it's me and make her fall for me? Or will she think it's from some young stud? I'm in my 30's, but look 25. She must be in her 20's.
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