>be 18
>I only now realized that I have no friends
>going to a state college in a suburban town that has no social activities and the town has no social meetups other than a mall filled with boring "normies" and sperg weeaboos with no in between.
>People in my old high school think im a sperg with no redeeming qualities other than being smart enough to copy off of and all of my previous friends are pieces of shit.
>only woman i liked dates best friend at the time and i thought it was no big deal till I realized he cucked me purposefully and schemed his way into it.
>Have no current romantic interests now because of that since I cant find another with similar interests
>"Friends" only kept me around to shit on me so they can feel better about themselves or because they just want something in return.
>Relatives often tell me that my life is sad or pitiful
>Listen to vaporwave and Sun Araw while browsing 4chan at 5a.m. and waking up at 3
Cutting ties and thinking of just starting fresh. Will buying things that show my interests like pic related naturally attract people that I would find appealing?
I don't think that buying items which show your interests will be of great help. Some of your best friends may yet come from entirely different backgrounds than yours and have completely different interests.
Some people say to make great friends, you first have to be a great friend, and there is some truth in that. In my experience, that is also a great way to attract free-loaders and back-stabbers.
I would say that a great way to meet people and make new friends is to join clubs or local meetups (like through meetup.com or something) and attend consistantly. It might be boring at times; perhaps set a goal, like you'll keep going for 3 months and then evaluate if you want to keep going. The way to weed out the false friends is to SLOWLY build trust + the relationship over time. At times it's helping them when they're down or listening to them, other times it's asking them for help or asking them for advice.
I'm by no means a master at this; I've been confronting myself recently about how bad I am at being a reliable friend + I'm working on getting better.
Good luck OP, I think you are an intelligent, caring person (otherwise this stuff wouldn't bother you), and I think you will yet make wonderful friendships with other people and find life rewarding.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with my friend.
Background: we work together in the same role. He has depression, and as a result, he hates his job and where we work - he thinks he's shit at the job, that no one likes him there etc. It doesn't help that I'm actually really good at the job and that he sees me getting regular praise from our boss and being asked to take on additional responsibilities.
Where we're working isn't where I want to be either, it's just not going to lead me to where I want my career to go. And honestly, I'm getting sick of working with him. Because of this and because he hates it there, we're both in the process of looking for a new job, and we're both looking for similar jobs.
I've been doing this by sending out my CV (approaching places is the best way to get a job in our field), and I've been getting some encouraging responses. Meanwhile, he's only applying to advertised jobs and getting rejected from every single one of them. Obviously, this doesn't help his mental health and self esteem.
I've offered to help him out by looking at his CV and encouraging him to approach places he wants to work directly, but he just comes up with excuses to not do stuff. On weekends it's "I don't want to think about that right now, my head's not in a good place" and on weekdays it's "I'm tired from work".
Now the problem is that if I find a new job, it's going to affect his self-esteem. I don't want to leave him alone there either, since he hates the place. I could let him know about places that I've approached that are hiring, but if it's a place I'm applying for then he'd be competing with me, and if I'm being honest, I'm much more likely to get the job. This would affect his mental state even more.
>TL;DR: friend I work with wants to find a new job, but isn't putting in effort in applying for new jobs
Any advice?
At some point, your friend is the only one who can take responsibility for his own actions. It sounds like you are willing to help him but he rejects your help and chooses to bury his head in the sand with regard to his job search.
My advice would be to take the job and career path that you find to be personally more rewarding, + offer to help your friend find a better job when he is ready to accept your help.
I have had roommates with severe depression and there it took me too long to figure out that there was literally nothing I could do to get them out of a bad spell. I would have to physically get out of the apartment for my own mental health + wellness.
You can't save some people from drowning, and it's not worth tying yourself to them and drowning with them. I wish I had more cheerful advice. You sound like a nice guy OP, I hope your friend takes your advice/help and you both find better jobs + greater happiness, but at the end of the day, you are each your own man and are the only one who can control your career or life.
>raised up in small town where everyone kept to themselves and only now and then did things together
>all of a sudden move to town literally fifty times its size
>been here nearly four years, still not what you'd call used to the whole "invite friends out to do things" thing.
What do? How can I be sure someone's willing to go and do stuff? What kinda stuff should I be doing? I haven't made any proper friends where I live - I just have some buddies who laugh at my jokes, nobody close. What do I do about girls I'm after who I haven't spoken with much?
How stop have sex dreams before meds kick in?
Whatever I do, whatever I choose, I have this feeling that the thing I didn't is better and that I'm missing something.The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, they say and despite knowing somewhere deep down that it is not true, I can't feel happy or satisfied, and can't focus and try hard on the thing I picked.
Because of that, I'm a quitter, I've quit so many things already to look for something else I'm not sure what, I've quit schools, courses, jobs and hobbies to pursue other schools, jobs and hobbies that I'm equally dissatisfy with.
I realized that the problem is with me, not with the "things" that I myself, made the normal things around me to feel wrong or not good enough. But I don't know what to do.
Tomorrow I've got to give an answer to a company that agreed on hiring me. They don't really pay well, but it is small gamedev, so it seems fun. But I don't really want to move to another city, and go through all the trouble, when I'm sure I will last at most a year, where last couple months of said year will be counting down the days.
The only solution, but even I realize it is a solution of a madman, is to burn all the bridges behind me, so I can't really quit. Right now, every time I quit, I can go back to my family house with a shame baggage bigger every time, but it is a safe way out. Without it, I'll be forced to do what I don't like, but maybe eventually I'll find peace and some solace in myself.
I ate a Hydrocodone tablet about 20 min ago that ive tried to throw up and failed, is it too late to reject it?
Wrong medicine plus its bad for my stomach.
So I met a dude last summer and we hit it off awesomely (I'm a dude, he's a dude. It's some gay shit). We were flirting and getting intimate, and things seemed to be going well! I liked him a lot, and I started to hang out in his friend group and everything. Things seemed pretty good, and he even mentioned liking me back.
Anyways, once he goes back to college. He mentions out of the blue that he's going to be living at his boyfriend's place. I was pretty bummed by this, since he hadn't mentioned a boyfriend up until that point.
Needless to say, I started talking to him less, just because I didn't want to torture myself emotionally. I told him so when he messaged me, he told me he liked me back, but It doesn't really help the situation, since =He has a boyfriend. We still talk, but I still try to keep him at an arms distance, which upsets him.
I'm pretty pissed now. I feel like the asshole, because I feel like I'm ghosting him, but I just don't want to tell him off, because honestly, I still want to be friends with him, I just want to be friends once my feelings die down. I really don't want to burn this bridge. I feel like this is all my fault, because I waited too long to tell him I liked him. What do I do?
As a note, he's usually messing around with guys. His boyfriend doesn't seem to mind, so I'm guessing their relationship is open, which makes me feel like even more of an idiot.
First thing, you are not being an asshole.
He isstringing you along plus messing around with others and sound like his other half is willingly turning a blind eye or down right oblivious esp with the others he flirts with.
I see red flags of a manipulator here, be friends if you must - but in all honesty you would be best to keep yourself busy with other people that do not include him
>>18454240
My biggest fear is losing the mutual friends we have. I feel like each day I get a little closer to losing them if he ends up getting mad and breaking off what's left of the friendship himself.
>>18454261
Its not a problem being friends, but, only going off what you have wrote - "if he ends up getting mad"
If this would be the case then maybe it would be best to keep you distance, just a friendship can last with people with huge gaps between not seeing each other.
Im really trying not to be the negative just-get-rid-of-them poster, but again it still sounds of manipulation. They get angry when they no longer control a person they once could, even on a friendship level. It just does not sound good for your well-being
I've promised to be on a date with a person today, but for complicated and non-negotiable reasons I can't make it today and have to cancel/postpone.
I also can't cite those reasons for cancelling the date. What are some other reasonable, believable excuses for not making the trip and showing up to the date today?
Please help, /adv/.
I'm planning on moving to Japan to be a teacher and I'm really excited about it; but every day, I wake up, go to work, workout, study, then go back to bed and start over the next day. Even the weekends I usually just stay at home because I don't have many friends. I feel so bored and lonely and unaccomplished all the time. I know that within the next year or two, everything's going to pay off when I get a hard restart in a new country with a real job and hopefully a real life, but what the fuck do I do now? Am I wasting my 20s (I'm 25)?
I just want some friends that I can go out and have fun with but I don't have enough time to make friends. I've had a few girlfriends but that usually falls apart pretty quickly once they realize I'm moving away in the next year or two
>>18454149
You always have time to do things. You just have to choose what you want to do, and making friends is clearly something you're consciously choosing not to do.
>>18454175
I don't want to risk my future by making room for temporary things by moving away from plans
Hey /adv/, got some spicy moral quandaries for ya.
>date a trans guy very briefly(realistically super effeminate girl attempting to act macho-- minimal medical intervention accomplished)
>Couple months later comes to light he's pregnant with the child of a trans woman(realistically hulking man with deformed tits and higher testosterone levels than most atheletes
>herefore gonna refer to them by their biological pronouns out of convenience
>both are excruciatingly unfit parents
>she knows this as she admits she'd never be allowed to adopt, yet apparently doesn't understand that CPS exists
>she's been institutionalized and has a history of drug abuse and self harm, as well as frequent dissociative episodes
>he's completely fucking delusional and is prone to seizures, and also comes with a history of self harm
>if she gives birth in literally any hospital interested in staying in practice that child is never going home with them
Do I fucking try and explain this to her in hopes she either comes to terms with it or aborts? Or do I mind my own damn business and silently watch as she abruptly ruins three lives? (and her own body)
((pic unrelated))
There are people in this world that are just cluster fucks OP. These are the people you see screaming at each other on the lawn at 4am when you go for an odd stole.
>fags
aaaand stopped reading
Why don't I feel anything talking to people?
I don't care about having a potential girlfriend, sex or any platonic social interaction for that matter.
I've only ever been comfortable on my own and talking to other people feels like a bore and a chore.
I'm just feeling terrible having to talk to people, is it reasonable to tell them?
It really hurts my career prospect as well.
>>18454137
Does this predisposition cover all conversations, or just some of them? It is all people, or just some of them? It is all topics, or just some of them? Have you had an enjoyable conversation with another person in recent memory? What is your ideal interaction with another person, excluding getting money or favors or being alone?
I am 24 year olds really fit like world class athlete fit. I don't smoke drink or anything like that. Because of this I think I am way more horny then most people. I get errections when I see some women in public. I really want to have sex with many different women. Sometimes when I see a sexy girl I want to approach her and hit on her but I don't for some reason. I am having a really hard time with my life. I really want to find someone to love but all the girls I have been interested in the past are just not into me. I noticed the women I have became infatuated with in the past have low self esteem. I think I might feel guilty for having these emotions like I was taught that it's not okay or maybe my conscience is telling me that it isn't okay. I think I might lose interest in people pretty fast.
I think what I am trying to say is that I want to give into lust but I feel like it isn't right. Like relationships are not supposed to be started or built from lust. Is this wrong? I am so confused. Yes physical attraction is important but how important?
I am junior headed to senior year in highschool. I've had problems understanding what is wrong with me and where i went wrong. I've always been wanting to help others and make other people lives better by being a friend or a good person overall. It somehow always backfired. It hit me hard when i thought i was in love and chased a girl for 3 years just to date for a month and get morally broken after hearing she fucked a dude a week later. It definitely wasnt the first time she misused me or lied to me, and even after all of that i forgave and hoped we could salvage our friendship. It only leaded to more hurt. Ever since that I've always seen myself as the guy who gets fucked over at the end of the day.
Currently im dating this girl, and im happy with her. Im in vacation right now and theres no reason for me to be sad or dissapointed. This girl, she has a past and i understand that she regrets it all, and i shouldnt judge her at all. When we talk about our past problems to eachother we always end up in the conversation of her what she used to do with her exes and all the bad shit she did. I know she doesnt do it anymore but when it comes to sex and all i know shes done it with them (she told me) so i put an image of myself watching them fucking as if she still does or as if shes cheating on me. This also happens if we are talking about sex or exchange nudes and shit. I just think about that dark side of things. I think of shit like she has sent pictures like this to someone else in the past. I put images of her like i hate her, i make myself hate her but i dont. I mostly feel like this because shes done some many things in the past and all ive done with my whole fucking life is stay home and play xbox. Id be everyones friend and thats about it. I never done anything with anyone special and now that i have that chance my own mind is fucking with me. I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont know what to do about these images i put in my own head.
You probably think you're not judgmental, but you totally are. You frame things in terms of "bad stuff," and you try to be a "good person." That's what's fucking with you. There is no "dark side of things." Whatever it is that she did, it's just part of her experience, and the fact that you don't understand it doesn't mean you're supposed to lead her from it, or help her overcome it, or any of that bullshit. Just get to know her, and get over yourself. There's no ideal of how people should be, there's just how people are. Learn from her and let her teach you how she sees things. Stop trying to be a good person, and just be a person.
How do I deal with friends who are dicks with me in groups?
I have several friends who are nice (great, actually) to me one-on-one, but quickly shoot me to the bottom of the totem pole in group scenarios. In group situations they mock me unprovoked. And I don't understand why.
I do feel like they think it's just "joking around" but it's also basically only me this happens to. I know I need to talk to them about it, but I don't know a good way to phrase it.
Any advice? Thanks!
>>18454072
Don't waste your breath talking to them....
Find a new group of friends.
It's shit testing, they are checking how you will react. The best answer is showing that you are not sensitive about that, this will prove you.
If they are really bothersome, like getting physical, you can change your friends.
I spend my entire day talking on discord with a close friend who I'm secretly in love with even though I know he's not gay.
I've turned into a complete low-life neet, how can I get over my friend and get away from the computer
Walk away from the computer
Get a job, preferably one that is physical.
>>18454138
This. It has helped me a lot.