I have had made my manga for contests of japan. What is the opinion

nani

Girl is cute. I like it.

>>156286175
Cute Girl

this is zen-zen daijobu. shows potential.

god speed japanon. and keep up the hard work, even if you're not successful this time around.

your manga is gomi

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ワンパンチ

data big make two page

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>>156286556

10/10 its okay

>>156286607
Looks good, was your artstyle inspired by any mangaka in particular?

>>156286556
>>156286607
格好いい
good work anon-sensei.

>>156286997
My complaint is that on some panels some characters look copypasted in from other works

For example girl in the last panel on this page

Reminds me of Nube a bit.

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おわり

156287045
I want draw like 村田雄介 or the 岩代俊明, but I can not

156287120
Sorry I can not understand

nice job OP

now draw the porn

>>156286175
The art is neat, I wanna sex that girl.

MIBちゃんかわいい

>>156287264
PROTIP: To quote posts, add >> to the numbers of posts you're quoting.

maji kuso

nice....nice....

Looks good, but you do need backgrounds for some panels senpai.

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The art is good enough.

>>156287429
どうもありがとうございます

>>156287456
>>>
Okay I do

>>156287472
>>156286547
please help make manga good

>>156286997
I liked it. I hope you do well in the contest. Best of luck japanon.

>>156287099
>>156287264
最後のパネルの少女は他のシリースのチャラを似ていすぎる

Dude I would read the fuck out of something with an artstyle like that.

looks like some good ura sunday shit

girl needs bigger breasts

Guys, if he doesn't speak english well you cannot use vulgar interjections like "shit" or "fucking" because they will make the machine translation sound negative even when they are used in a positive sense

>>156287687
Ignore this poster.

>>156287687
違う

>>156287592
シリーズか

>>156286175
I don't know much about that comic yet but i think you should add trigger discipline , profesionalls dont hold their finger on the trigger

>>156287868
how do they shoot then

>>156287887
With their minds.

OP, do you like flat chests?

>>156286175
Your artstyle is beautiful

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>>156287687
くそ食らえ

Where are the backgrounds?
Don't go full Kubo until you are actually serialized

I want to stick my dick in your art.

Art is too sloppy and boring for no backgrounds

How long have you been drawing? what's your name? I want to follow your series whenever you start getting serialized and tell my friends I spoke to you personally for internet points.

>>156287909
泉こなたが好きです

>>156287941
Many thanks

Did you draw this with computer? Looks neat.

>>156286175
I don't have good tastes in things, the only things I can see that should be changed is there's too many panels with no background, even a simple gradient would help

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>>156287887
You are supposed to keep the finger off the trigger unless you are pointing at something you WANT to destroy.
I don't understand japanese but on the first panel the girl looks like she isn't sure if she should shoot yet, in such situation normal cop would keep finger next to the trigger like on this picture.
If im wrong just keep it in mind in the future. Your drawings are super nice!

>>156286175
What manga contest anon?

There's some strong Big O feeling on the male character.

>>156286997
Top panel building BG needs some work. It just doesn't look right, it looks bland to me. Probably need some toning in the panel and readjustment on the front building. Probably some signboards to add more life to it.

Seriously it's hard to tell but that panel just doesn't do it for me.

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>>156288134
>泉こなたが好きです

I do not understand Japanese but I like your art.

>>156288123
I draw from a little while. I don't have mangaka name now

>>156288143
Some part of the manga, more with the ink

>>156288220
Jump Manga Contest
And I try make better building next contest

>>156286175
Can't read it, but it seems interesting plot wise.
Good art.

Maybe someone translate? Sorry my English not good I cannot translate the manga

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>>156288215

to add to that anon, the finger can be kept over the trigger guard until ready to fire

keeping the finger on the trigger when not ready to fire is a "rookie" mistake

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>>156288743
her handgun grip is incorrect as well, her left hand should be held over right hand on the grip

>>156288921
you expect me to trust some nail biter?

What's the girl's name? She's cute.

>>156288653
>Jump Manga Contest

I wish you all the best.

And I need to add that you have damn good line work.

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>>156288957
how about this?

also the 1911 is not drawn properly

>>156289261
I don't think you're talking to OP. OP seems to answer several persons at once and his english is worse.

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>>156289261
the slide stop, plunger tube, and safety should be on the right side of the gun not the left

>>156288957

does peeled side skin give away that it's a nail biter?

My Jap is garbage, but the first page is about MIB-chan threatening the criminal and saying she'll shoot him. MIB-kun tells her not to do it here and then the criminal says that she should try and insults her as Mesuzaru(?). Something like a female monkey. He's basically calling her degenerate.

>>156286175
Main girl need more OPPAI

>>156288718
Sure mate I was actually refraining from doing so out of respect to you but why not.

>>156286175
>We're the Men In Black!

>I'll shoot if you don't stop!!

>Hey, don't actually shoot

>Don't worry, I'm just bluffing

>He!

>Just try it bitch-ape

>>156286197
>Prepare to die!!

>>156286238
>Aah... You ended up shooting after all...
>Don't ignore an order from your superiors, idiot

>But he said some really mean things!

>What are you going to do if he uses the smoke to get away?

>That's...

>>156286288
>He purposely lured us out here (?) (I can't read this panel very well)

>Desu!

>You've chosen to reveal your true form then...

>Giant-chinned alien!!

>Think you can get away without paying your bills (dine and dash)

>That sort of rebellious attitude!!

>Do you want to get sent back to your native star?!

>Suzuki is that you? what are you doing here?

>>156286335
Ah... That guy's from my class

>Watanabe!!!

>Fu-...

>Yare Yare...

>Have you no concept of friendship... (I think?)

>>156286392
>An alien with a zero percent probability of rehabilitation is...

>This guy.

>Just when did he get here?!

>>156286497
>Must be sent back home!!!

>>156286556
>>156286607
>>156286997
>As expected of senpai

>Fun (soundeffect, not the word)

>.........Shit.......

>>156287264
>What the fuck was that? Some kind of film shoot?!

>Eh
>Suzuki, you were a youtuber!?

>No... Uhh this is...

>To erase the memories of any witness

>Set the dial on the glove to 3 and...

>Punch!

>Bepu!?

>Situation codename Q has been neutralized
>We're heading back to base

>Ahh

>Also send an ambulance our way....

It's a fun story you've got here mr. mangaka-sensei, thanks for posting it here for us.

>finger in trigger first
>finger disapears on the same page from the side view
>buildings are super bland
Looks fine though. I hope you win

Can I post my "manga" in this thread too?

>>156289628
お世話になりました

art is fine af

>>156286288
I think you should add some simple background or dust clouds to the second panel (where girl touches ground with her hand and dude is in front of her)
>>156287264
Here as well at the bottom.

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>>156289412
the opposite side should be bare

your drawings are still far closer to accurate than most manga

your manga was great, good luck with the contest

>>156289362
yeah I was just going to post all this anyways

Nice, dude. I only think that you have to work more on the background, it's kind of plane, but besides that, it looks good.

Cute girl, I want to cum inside her.

>>156289657
Go ahead, my man. I'll read it.

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>>156286175
The art is good, but the panels and cameraplacement are boring.

For example >>156286556 the camera could have been placed on his leg to make the scene more dynamic. I have no good examples right now, expect maybe this picture.

私のマンガの物語をかいてください。

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>>156286175
Wonderful composition OP.

Before we can critique in a better light, can you tell us the criteria of the manga contest?
What are you suppose to present to the judge?
what is the performance of your manga is based upon?

I hope you win Japananon! I'll be rooting for you!

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>>156289896
Well shit, I just started the project for like a week, so all I have is this promotion art.
And....

>>156289767
No problem mate, make sure to make another thread if you win the contest so we can all celebrate together.

The story of chapter isn't exiting. Nothing interesting happen.

>>156286175
Small question.

This comic was for the contest, right? Do you have a setup for it? An introduction page or something?

>>156286284
somehow i expected someone would post this

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>>156289987
the character sheet for the main girls

>>156289987
>cute broken robot healing music

Picked up.

Blonde black suit girl best girl.

Do you want our aproval? Draw her in a lewd pose, just the white shirt, socks and necktie

>>156289971
すみません。おっしゃったことが聞き取れませんでした

>>156289987
>starting with promotional art
That's cute, but not very productive, anon-chan. Have you already practiced giving autographs?
Anyway it looks great and promising.

>>156289984
to add in, OP what kind of critique you want to hear from us about your manga?

>>156286175
What program you use?

>>156289984
We have been guided by real mangaka to make manga short. Best Manga Story and Art win the contest. No Rules what story you do.

Do you like lolis?

>>156290037
Page of 第3回ストキンPro＆ガリョキンPro

>>156286392
dropped

include NTR so you can get the maximum post limit daily on 4chan

>>156290045
They look pretty cute, honestly. What's the story on your stuff? Do you have a plot outlined?

>>156289987
>>156290045
It's planned to be an oneshot and I would like to release it till next months
Well the story is about those first days of summer, when Alexandra's 4 member band stumbled upon an abandoned studio and found a broken android inside...

It would have music, drama, sci-fi and... android suffering :^)

>>156290045
>Alexandra Nikolaev
>Nikolaev
It's NikolaevA.
Please add "a" at the end of her last name so I won't have to send butthurt gopniks after your life.
Well if she is not trap of course. That would explain "her" having male's last name.

>>156290323
k, thanks senpai

>>156290158
CLIP STUDIO PAINT and the SAI, rare times photoshop 5

>>156290230
Yes

>>156286175
It's interesting and fun, good luck.

>>156289542
She is fine. Besides, flat is justice.

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>>156286175
Good luck OP, i like your drawing.

>>156290293
No NTR is sad story
Happy Story is better

>>156286175
You should do some more research into guns and proper trigger discipline so that your characters can be operator as fuck. Also consider hanging around >>>/k/.

>>156290097
私の考えたストーリをマンガに書いてくれ

Anyone else got some manga on their own they wanna share?

>>156286175
Are you a mangaka's assistant?

>>156290299
yes of course I do
It's band drama, like Keion or Hibike but with extra dose of bitter feelings and lot of android bully

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>>156290371
>Yes
素晴らしい

The art is about an 8/10, I don't know the kind of contest you're entering but you probably won't win. Black suits are pretty lazy design wise, and the setting won't really stand out.

Story wise, it seems pretty weak. 5/10, maybe? A bit too cliche, it's a very safe work.

The panelling seems a little boring to me. Also add backgrounds to the panels. Nothing too complicated.

>>156286175
The setting of the story is in an an industrial alley, looks like a place where normal ppl dont bother to come.

>>156286288
But then Watanabe came out of no where conveniently, does that mean he followed her?

That was the only plot conflict for me. The rest are quite standard shonen entry with sufficient exposition.

>>156290599
Not really a story to be honest, since it only serve as an introduction for action manga. The point is how to make it feel more "impactful"

>>156290700
>The setting of the story is in an industrial alley, looks like a place where normal people dont bother to come.
my bad

I swear I have seen this artstyle elsewhere, either way it looks fine Op, good luck

>>156290526
次は

>>156290554
I have visited, but not made real assistant job. I work something else

>>156290700
The feeling I want to make has been the whole world is alley types, but I understand my mistake

>>156290700
There's a lot you can do with just an intro. No expectations were subverted, the whole thing is very plain. Suzuki is honestly already an annoying character, I don't know why I'd empathise with a hothead. Being cute isn't an excuse for ignoring a basic order.

>>156290831
So the whole world looks like an industrial zone?
That sounds cool.

>>156290898
It's like ten pages long. I think he wanted to show off the guy's fighting style more than anything else.

>>156286497
For the bottom panel, maybe have part of the fist overflow out of the panel? Makes it look more 3D and pop out

>>156290898
> Suzuki is honestly already an annoying character
this is up to judge, I have no problem with it other wise.
Rather this couple is a good example of "Smart boss and immature rookie" archetype.

>>156286175
https://twitter.com/jump_mangasho/status/831068649645445120

>>156291069
Yes this is the one like in >>156290234 the page of

>>156291039
>Rather this couple is a good example of "Smart boss and immature rookie" archetype.
It's a typical archetype, I just can't understand it being applied to field agents in what seems like a dangerous line of work.

>awarded in feb

Fake and gay.

>>156291305
We've been duped.

>>156290599
>Black suits are pretty lazy design wise
How would YOU design Men in Black? The whole point is them being mysterious G-men in identical suits.

>>156286175
Do you have any techniques for clean lines? or is it just raw precision?

>this thread
Biggest bait of 2017?

>>156291301
This manga is clearly a homage to the MIB movies. Will was also retarded most of the times.

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>>156290898
>I don't know why I'd empathise with a hothead
I know, right?

Draw a sketch of a loli right now.

>>156290599
>Black suits are pretty lazy design wise
Well in that I suggest OP add someone kind of logo or badge to present the MC organization.

He doesnt have to change the black suit, just add in decoration to put detail in his character.

>>156291301
This is obvious shonen style manga so there's no need to insert realism in this fiction. It is presented to create sometime light hearted for the general young audience to read.

>>156291366
>>156291305
>>156291432
Nah, OP probably talks about the next part
http://www.shonenjump.com/j/sp_stokin_garyokin/

>>156291511
something* light hearted and witty

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>>156291484
ko

>>156286175
Anime when?

>>156286175
use a proper font so that people can read it

Were their any times were famous mangaka came to 4chan to talk? I assume they'd go to 2ch instead.

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I like it, but the girl needs some tweaking, too bland looking.

>>156293047
The LN author Mamare's been here once or twice.

>>156293047
It's usually small references on twitter more than anything else.

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>>156286997
>female character once again being fodder shit while male character stole all the glory

>>156293047
The Log Horizon author came on once and did a Q&A. Not a mangaka though.

@156293587
you're looking too much into things

>>156293314
I feel like she needs to do more, though, and that would be enough to justify it. The lackluster design combined with some character finesse would make an interesting combo, like Habara.

>>156292989
it's most likely done like that for digital placement later.a lot of comic book writers that draw then scan their work do this. Even digital workers hand write the dialogue and boxes to place them later.

Biggest problems that you can fix easily:
-The lettering is sloppy. Use a computer to do it so it's clean and readable.
-Lack of depth in the backgrounds. I'm pretty sure fixing this comes down to using tones and highlights.

>>156294290
>>-The lettering is sloppy. Use a computer to do it so it's clean and readable.
Literally the dumbest complaint you could ever make.

>>156294347
Oh yeah. Because typography has no effect on the overall appearance of a work. Or is there some special manga tradition where your lettering is supposed to be shit?

>>156294481
Why even post when you don't know the basics? Aren't you ashamed of your own idiocy?

>>156294542
Because this isn't a forum specialized for artists and my opinion was asked.

Amazing art but I feel like the story might be a little generic, Have to wait to see though.
Good luck!

Dead Thread

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>>156290535
Just dug this out, I submited it a few years back to that weekly shounen jump international contest thing. It was worse than I remembered. I came up with some cringiest shit. I might redraw it if I have the time...

draw hentai for 2 years then we can talk

>>156286175
Fill up more of the page with the panels and fill white space in panels with backgrounds

>>156286175
She's cute.
Kawaii

>>156289628
Someone typeset this

>>156286175
Very nice, good luck OP.

>>156286175
Looks nice anon.
If you're making a mango with guns investigate more about proper trigger discipline.
Also investigate fashion shit, so you can give that qt suited girl a nice pair of high heels.

>>156286175
>>156286197
>>156286238

Are you being serious? Got a blog or tumblr?
This shit looks amazing

>>156286175
How long did this take you?

Why post this on /a/ if you barely understand any English?

>>156299938
/a/ has good tastes

>>156286997
>>156286997
I like how it ripped his clothes. Make sure he mentions he is tired of having to buy new suits all the time.

>>156300055
awww, you don't have to lie you bootlicker.

>>156300103
Thats clearly not OP.

looks pretty good, good luck you chink motherfucker

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>>156299504
I tried

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>>156286175

pretty good anon
It could be me but the characters look a little familiar

>>156300337
Damn. OP plagiarism caught redhanded.

>>156300337
Source bro

>>156300571
You can google the image
You can google the words in the filename
You cannot post on 4chan unless you're 18 or older.

>>156300635
You could have just posted it, rude.

>>156300679
not knowing it is a crime

>>156293047
Can't remember exactly but I think ShindoL either came here or someone here had an email exchange with him and posted it here

>>156300714
>shindol
>famous

>>156286556
The fist reminds me of Nero's from DMC4

>>156301111
Nice numbers.
Shindol is a household name, Anon

>>156300679
>rude
Please, turn 18 then come back.

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>>156301161
OP can't keep getting away with it.

>>156301111
>shindol
>infamous

>>156286997
>line going over his model at the bottom
please fix

>>156301332
>he can only make $3.4K on patreon

>>156301272
they really should make a new DMC, for such a great series to only have "4 games" seems like such a waste.

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>>156301567
But they did, Anon-kun

>>156301675
no I don't think you can't count the 2015 special edition of 4 as a separate game, though I'd hate it if they re imagined Dante as some emo teenager

>>156293047
Not a mangaka but, tattun from Trigger came here not too long ago for LWA threads. Brought someone else with him (the director, maybe. I forget.) a second time for a Q&A.

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My notes are hectic to prove a point with screen direction. Just like my notes being all over the place and visually inconsistent, your panels have the screen direction all over the place. Though most readers won't pick this issue up, they will feel the conflict. A general rule with breaking screen direction is to do it when the point of the story is a sudden unexpected change in the situation. Outside of that, it is better to compose a neutral shot, and then switch directions.

The issue of screen direction is consistent throughout the 10 pages and is my number one critic.

Another issue that shows up is that the characters defy spatial reasoning. For the most part, the main guy character is to the right of the female character. Another guy shows up to her left. the monster attacks the guy to the left. If the main guy is going to stop the monster the guy will show stop it on the monsters right side, but instead your main guy character stops the monster on the left side. it doesn't make sense.

Also on page 4, you have the opening panel for the page with the girl to the left and the guy to right, but in one later panel the girl is on the right and the guy is on the left which also doesn't make sense specially since the panel below it the guy is facing the opposite direction.

Anyways, that is about all I got. Artistically, your illustrations are clean, but your poses are stiff. Your backgrounds can use a bit of work, and you should draw them in more.

Good luck!