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All of my studies and research concerning...
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You are currently reading a thread in /x/ - Paranormal

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All of my studies and research concerning enlightenment have had the exact opposite effect of what it should have had and I'm fairly certain my spiritual and intellectual stability is slowly deteriorating. Everything sucks and everything is meaningless. Love is foreign and just a concept - not something I understand or experience. Sleep offers no solace and I'm haunted by visions of death both in my sleep and whilst awake. Initially I had intended to approach /fit/ since I was pretty sure this was mental health related, but after considering how heavily religious I've been my entire life (secretly and never in public because worship and religious beliefs shouldn't impede upon a persons social standing) my insincts pushed me to refer to /x/ in order to hear what a few of you wise and knowledgable lurkers who still linger here may have to say. Please speak up. I've been pacing relentlessly.
>>
Ignorance is bliss.

Here's a bob Seger quote:
>I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.
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>>17340752
Oddly enough I'm going through the same thing. Not exalt but yeah. I'd like some info/help on this too
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>>17340752
The point of life is to make it worth while before passing the torch to someone else.

Life+/-feeling=quality
Possible Outcomes:
-quality
+quality

That being said, you don't necessarily have to die for life to have meaning, you just have to have felt your actions were positive in your eyes up to that point.
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>>17340752
Anon, tell me something...isn't it better to fight with all your being for something you want then to wait your entire life to die(or kill yourself) knowing you let your dream pass you by and all you did was howl at the moon over a life that could have been?

So I ask you anon,
is there something you truly want?
Be it concept or material?
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>>17340752
I think you are doing it backwards or something then. Love is the greatest joy in the world and you an experience it through your own self in ways that aren't just physical, or even esoteric, but literally magical.

Your body is an interdimensional portal/generator. A combination of natural auric fields and practiced chakras makes for a happy and healthy hu. Ckakras are basically thoughtforms, or egregores, energy centers that I personally fill with my own personal "metaset" of coloforms that I use to create living magic with, not unlike how a machine elf sings objects into existence, your body and energy centers can create love as well as literally any aspect of reality. You can send this love wherever, and since Love is higher dimensional, this works holographically and instantly.

Focus on sending love to others, either through psychic or auric means, it really doesn't matter. If you do it right, you should feel your own inner love grow. Nurture it!
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enlightened =/= happy.
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>>17340752
I think I understand what you're going through, but even if I don't: you get my story anyway. I always considered myself to be a rational, grounded person, until 5 years or so ago when I had a big crisis of faith. A good friend of me died way too young, which sparked an intense obsession with the big questions of life in me. I dropped out of college weeks after it happened. Studying history suddenly seemed meaningless to me. The only thing I was now interested in was the mystery of life and death. I no longer cared if I was capable of figuring it out, because I strongly felt like I NEEDED to. I did a hell of a lot of research. On the internet, reading books, constantly thinking about it. It drove me to the brink of insanity, and past it on my bad days. I was looking for answers, but I only found more questions. Slowly but surely I destroyed my worldview. It became harder and harder for me to really believe in things. Entertaining ideas and suspension of disbelief slowly became the new norm for me. To me, reality became more personal, more magical, more flexible, by the day. I liked this at first, felt like I was getting somewhere, opening my mind, but I slowly realized that I was losing all sense of purpose. Nothing was sacred to me anymore. My new worldview was based on questions, and this subconsciously made me mock everyone who thought he had the answers. I tried to deny it, but deep-down I knew I had become a cynical bastard. When I realized this, I tried to change myself back to who I was before. Couldn't. Here I am now, still looking for something to believe in.
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>>17340752
you need clarity

your thoughts and opinions come across as murky ramblings from the depth of depression. if enlightened then you cant be depressed. does not mean youre not on the path to it though. it aint so easy.
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>>17340914
Believe in yourself! You are the answer you seek: LIVE! There is no greater way to honor your friend's death. Talk to him every once in a while I bet he misses you. Angels only have one purpose: to do as you ask. Use your magic well!
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Stop filling your bubble, instead step out of the bubble. The bubble produces all the feelings you experience currently. Get aware of your body by workout helps. Eat apples.
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>>17340972
Thanks bud. I know you are right on a conscious level and have known this for some time. It's just that I lack the balls to act on it, but I'm slowly getting there.
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>>17341041
I suggest a healthy diet (including apples) and muchos exercise. You won't get better advise out of me to pull yourself back together. If I may pry, how did your friend pass?
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>>17340938
that picture made me tear up
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>>17341055
A heart attack in the middle of the night at age 18. I was actually angry at him when I first heard, it was so unbelievable to me and I thought it had to have been caused by drugs or alcohol. But I was wrong, he was completely sober when he died. It felt very unfair.
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>>17341099
Damn that must have been hard. Sorry you had to go through that.

Reality IS quite magical and "flexible", you just have to have the strength not top break it if you're going to try and bend it. Think of it like muscles repairing after a workout. You need your essential proteins and nutrients after a workout.
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>>17340752
This is the only truth.
Pic related.
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>>17341239
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>>17341251
Jesus: Trust I died for you and you will live forever.
You: I am disappointed it's this easy, no thanks.
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>>17341255
You: I am content knowing that the mysteries of existence have been solved by the patriarchal authority although there is no evidence
Me: I stand apart from the mass controlling "answers" in search of deeper meaning and further development of human potential
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>>17341273
"although there is no evidence"

Kek.

You were given the gospel, that is all I came here to do and maybe ask a question or two, but I see you're not into it, so I shall take my leave.
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>>17341280
I'm read for your questions!
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>>17341280

You're a fucking moron.
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Op here

I've been dodging problems, making messes, and attempting to outrun my destiny for years now.. all in an effort to have hands on experience with situations and issues the privileged lifestyle I've been fortunate enough to have would have never led me towards obtaining insight of. This has only jaded my perception of mans nature and the divine or otherwise magical threads that hold this world together.

To better illustrate my spirituality, I keep a Bible in my jackets inner breast pocket and read the Dhammapada quarterly. Prayer & meditation is something I've developed a habit of falling into effortlessly , most especially when beings I've labeled as otherdemensional tormentors choose to make their appearance. I don't believe I'm schizophrenic. These things didn't start happening until I developed the hole in my heart.

Take what you will from this post. Just wanted to better express what self exploration and the pursuit of higher knowledge has reduced me to.
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I believe you're in what Crowley refers to as the abyss where you are stripped of your power and will either remain forever or emerge as an adept.
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>>17341280
>Gospel
>Evidence
toplel
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>>17341942
Okay, this post I feel I can respond directly to because I've been calling the place of nothingness I've created and seek solace within "the void". It's where my conciousness resides during meditation/prayer and is the same place I attempt to send all feelings of negativity etc.

Please elaborate on what Crowley thought the true nature of this abyss was and why it is so significant so that I can better understand why I feel so stuck in absolution.
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That's what enlightenment is.

Knowing everything breaks away the facade you've been fed all your lofe, thus breaking down your very reality.

Knowledge is power, ultimate knowledge is suffering.
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>>17341963
I can't give an in depth explanation as it's been a while since I read his books as well as being at work, but he explains it in depth in Magick: Theory and Practice.
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>>17341982
Many thanks anon; have a skeleton
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"Happy" is a relative term. You can't be happy all the time because it would require things to always be getting better, which would breed paranoia of loss. To be enlightened, separate the wind from the tides until both are calm, then bring them together once more.
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>>17340752

Quoting a guy from another recent thread:

>Christians don't follow Christ. In fact, they follow Satan. Let me clarify, Satan is the rational intellect inside us all. Thoughts are separated by nature, and they dissect everything. They put a barrier between people and life, and between life and God (Source). All knowledge is mental, and has nothing to do with spirituality. There's no such thing as spiritual knowledge.

This is the problem with all Truthers. We lose life to gain knowledge. It´s a trade.

And a trap.

Knowledge must be balanced with Life, this is the Word of the One. But knowledge is the food of the soul, not the spirit. And by feeding only the soul (ego) dark is the path to the light.
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>>17340752
Enlightenment can't beven taken, only given. To pursue it is to give yourself over to the power of the devil, for you do not awknowledge your place as he does not awknowledge his place.

Desist in such efforts or face judgement
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>>17340752
If love is a concept for you i suggest you to start here.
Hippie shit aside, love is what everyone should seek.
Not love like in a couple or sex, but love of everything in the universe at every moment.
Start full consciousness meditation and read the world view of modern alchemists.
Find love in everything and live the present time.
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>>17340752
The way is cobbled with gold.

It means if how you live your spiritual life brings you shit it's because you're doing it wrong. You are tying too hard.
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>>17342058
This. Spiritual life is not to be taken extremely to the point that you rely on it for everything. As you should have been paying attention you would have known that the material plane is influenced by the material plane and each plane is influenced by its own plane. You can't just expect the astral plane to take care everything for you.
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>>17340824

<3
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>>17340914
jesus fucking christ dude you just described my mindset for the past 3-4 years. granted i didn't lose anyone close to me but i was having a crisis of faith because of strange coincidences that kept getting more frequent.

either way i've made plans to teach english in Thailand in the hopes that it'll give me purpose again and the peace of mind I need to work on my ideas
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>>17343146
lmao
i read the original post you replied to and thought the exact same. to top it off i've made the same choice except my destination is Japan

haha

haha
ha
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>>17343146
Also, have any of you watched The Leftovers? It's a show on HBO that follows a bunch of people after a worldwide event causes 2% of the world's population to vanish in thin air. However, the plot makes no attempt to reveal why this happened - instead, it follows those remaining as they struggle to remain sane in a world where something absolutely irrational has happened. Cults sprout up, including one called the Guilty Remnant which is essentially a haven for depressed people who want to stay angry and get in everyone's face about existentialism and the pointlessness of everything. It's a super emotional show filled with tons of religious symbolism. I'm currently watching season 2 as I type this, it's getting better and better and has one more season left to air.

Here's a great clip from the first season that had me in tears (spoilers for a characters' death FYI). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBZDj4nTFNY
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>>17343164
SYNCHRONICITY FTW
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If you have researched Jungian psychology, review yourself in light of your shadow- it seems you have a meeting that has been put off for quite some time.
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buddhas suffered through everything life could throw at him.. in the end he was living off one grain of rice a day. to me this says you must deal with every type of suffering life (mara) has to throw at you before you gain enlightenment. which makes sense to me bc i have been throgh alot and it my fears keep coming around until i embrace them. what is really bothering you anon, embrace it.
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>>17341963
OP, not this anon, but on reading your op this is what I was going to respond with. The Void (or the Abyss as mentioned above) is the state of living only in relation to your own ego. (This isn't a judgement, bear with me.)

The ego only knows itself as separate, alone, threatened. It's function is to protect, its genesis was the times when our psyches were in danger of being overwhelmed by events. It 'walls us off' from true connection with others, our environment, Spirit. In taking on our own process towards growth, realisation, call it what you will, we are attempting to dismantle the protections the ego has provided. It will react, it is trying to serve you, to keep you safe.

Somehow you need to find what is currently 'outside' of you; something that plugs you in, connects you to the source, spirit, love, life. All the meditation or philosophy in the world can't do this for you, there has to be a letting go into something else. There is a beautiful, warm, loving Presence just in the background, waiting for you to acknowledge it and let go into it. That make take an act of faith; a concept I'm personally very uncomfortable with; or at least trust, and if you haven't heard these concepts put this way before, and all you have to go on is some anon on /x/ telling you to trust him, then that might seem a little leftfield. But search (jeez I nearly said search your feelings, Luke) your intuition and see whether what I've said has any resonance for you. If it does, take that step. Let go into something bigger than yourself. Hand it over to whatever you trust as the Divine. It's just there, just waiting, always.

Hope this reads OK, I'm tired and off now. Good luck.
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>>17346748
*may* take an act of faith
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>"All of my studies and research"
Who's your dealer?
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>>17340752
It is what you think it is.


Whether you think you can or cannot, you are right.
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>>17340752
>my insincts pushed me to refer to /x/ in order to hear what a few of you wise and knowledgable lurkers who still linger here may have to say.

Holy shit you ain't kidding OP, those are some seriously fucked up thoughts.
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>>17346748
Thank you, thank, thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. I'm moved. Everything you said slowly shook something up in me the more I read your post.

Since I'm not in a position to respond with anything indepth atm I'll simply say your effort to speak to me did not go unnoticed or without consideration. I'll be thinking on these concepts over the next few days as I've decided to save your response to my device.

Have a skeleton.
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>>17340752
>the exact opposite effect of what it should have had
That you know what should have happened means more than you realize.
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>>17347795
A skeleton for you and your brief yet thought provoking post

This one here is a personal favorite.
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>>17340824
It felt necessary to address you and the various others who have invested time in this thread that I've neglected to respond to and/or overlooked due to lack of empathy. Please understand I mean no disrespect to everyone here. It's just difficult for me to see eye to eye with others about what love is.

So.. to all the anons who suggested that LOVE is the answer, I ask you this - what is love?

I'll share my understanding thereof if I receive enough responses. Pic related.
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>>17341923
>>17340752
Sounds like pseudo-enlightenment to me.
The universe is chaos and there is as much good as there is bad. I think part of true enlightenment is recognizing this and seeing love the main way to fall into the positive side of chaos.
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I just dont know dude but do acid acids gonna help u figure it out
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>>17341255
not that anon, but if you can't force yourself to believe in original sin, the whole salvation thing kinda falls apart. the more I tried to get the idea of original sin to make sense, the less sense it made. every 5-10 years I revisit the idea and see if it makes any more sense, and it never does. it's not about lack of evidence either, I wouldn't ask for evidence for a religious belief. either you feel it or you don't. forty years old and I don't feel it. I believe in a higher power and shit, and I think jesus was pretty cool, but am not getting any feeling of truth or genuineness out of the whole original sin/salvation deal. if you can, good for you I guess.
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>>17340752
You are probably depressed and maybe it causes you to look at everything from a negative point of view.
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>>17349537
Acid doesn't always help depressed people. I had a close friend commit suicide recently. In many ways he was "enlightened," he also did acid for the first time close to his death, and we agreed on a lot of stuff except he saw things negatively whereas I saw things positively like life is meaningless, for example, empowered me while it gave him a sense of no hope.
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>>17349537
I've never nor will I ever try acid. Hear me out; mushrooms were absolutely amazing. They provided me with absolute comfort and the knowledge of oneness everyone here is talking about. With that said..

Salvia tore my shit apart. Like, literally, when I did it nothing made any sense to me. It was the worst trip of my life. I'd never do acid in light of that.
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