Recently I've been interested in the concept of repressing memories.
I think I may be doing this, because I am hugely anxious + depressed + irritable, and am in a mental state of turmoil even though when I look at my life everything is going great and I have no reason to feel so bad. I have horrific nightmares that I have no clue how my sick mind puts together but I'm often left astounded as to how insane and gross these dreams are in the morning.
I also recently got crazy back/sciatic pain and was reading a book on the mind-body connection with regards to pain and came across this quote:
>Someone said that every night when we go to sleep we all go quietly and safely insane because that's when the remnants of childish, primitive, wild behavior that are a part of everyone's emotional repertoire can show themselves without being monitored by the waking, conscious mind.
All I remember that set it off is maybe 6 years ago I saw a ghost/demon thing (I feel ridiculous just typing this) in a reflection and shortly after that all my anxiety/depression problems started. I may have suppressed something because I don't remember what I did after I saw it at all, but I remember I've never been so terrified in my life, and when I look in my journal entries and stuff from back then I described the thing that I saw like I had seen in 100%, but obviously logic leads me to be sceptical.
I guess I'm looking for others with similar experiences or how you've dealt with stuff like this.
What did you see OP? I can't really diagnose you based on your testimony of your interpretation over your actual experiences. Especially not if you've repressed your memories of it. It might have been a hallucination or it might not, but I can't say until I know what you actually saw.
There are things that I believe we're just naturally afraid of/distressed by and unless we confronted them head on then it won't change.
For me a big one is the invasion of the U.S. I watched 9/11 happen live in the second grade and from then on I've had nightmares about planes, bombings, foreign soldiers occupying my house, etc. In real life I'm completely rational about the subject but clearly there's repressed fear from my childhood lingering which is just as strong as my rational thoughts.
Other than doing MDMA which I read helps with such things, I don't know what to do about it.
I might have written a post on it here...
Found it in the archives from 2013:
"A few years ago I saw this girl that looked like the girl from The Ring, but she had a green dress. She was reflected in this mirror thing, and her hair was oily and in front of her face. Her hands were pale. I looked away because I got that evil feeling that she would look up and just...do something horrible.
I made my family members sleep next to me for half a year and I still keep the light on, it was that fucking terrifying.
After that happened other stuff occurred like me going to shut the bathroom door and it pushing my hand and slamming. There was no window open and no one was inside.
But ever since I saw that girl I've had the WORST luck ever."
Now I remember thinking she looked my age. It was in an apartment I lived in with my parents, I slept with the light on and everything in terror, but when we moved house I stopped feeling paranoid and could sleep with the lights off easily. Still feeling anxious and fucked up though.
This is the first time I've ever mentioned this, or spoke about it anywhere, I feel I may never tell anybody.
When I was about 3, my brother was 8 and he told me to put my penis on his butt, he said it makes people 'happy' I did it after some convincing, and that was it. Nothing, ever again. We never spoke about it, acted differently, or did it ever again. I completely forgot about it until I was 11, and something just clicked and I've had it subconsciously on my mind ever since. We come from a good, middle class family, but without wanting to sound 'edgy' (I'm just trying to be open and honest) I've been called emotionless, sociopathic etc. I get bouts of depression often, and I have horrible, incredibly realistic and specific dreams.
Once upon a time, when I was around that age, I remember hearing my brother say a lady tried to get him and his friends into a car so they could have their picture taken, I may have dreamt this, I really cannot remember, my parents don't remember it ever happening, but I do wonder if my problems stem from this and whether he did get into that car, and he learnt from those people.
Sucks, but it happens. Doesn't really sound like you were actually traumatized, you just didn't really have any way to understand it. Just a quirk in your memory rather than a "repressed" memory.
Last year i went to sleep just like every night. I felt the blood in my body swaying right before i 'woke up', I was floating horizontal above my chair while being hold restraint. I remember flexing my muscles to get out of this grip but i didnt gain an inch, while i look over my shoulder I see this humanoid figure blacker than charcoal, hairless and without eyes or ears. This thing is now raping me, a fit groen male. I close my eyes and faint, I awoke on my couch.
Haven't told anyone het it was the weirdest experience i ever had