Hey /x/. I have a bit of a thought experiment for you. You may want to relax for this.
Imagine all the memories you have as Polaroid photographs on a table before you. The photograph on top is of this post because it is the newest memory you have at the moment.
Visualize your life in a timeline based on these images. Keep flipping through them, top to bottom, going back in time.
It should be getting more difficult, naturally, to remember the older moments of your life. Especially your earliest memories.
Eventually, get to what you believe to be your first memory. Pick that photograph up.
What do you see behind it?
"Do you remember?" written in my handwriting.
I always thought I was some memento role-playing faggot.
I am part of the universe. The universe is gawd, I am gawd, I wrote the message to remind myself I sent myself here, for the life of me there is absolutely no reason for this, absolutely nothing, it's the most real and the most serious game since time began, it is so big and serious that it literally covers everything, and will last forever.
We're doing this just for fun, aren't we anon?
Riding on a tricycle in the corridor of the first flat I ever lived in, I also remember a closet
I ought to clarify, because this happens when my friends and I do this in person to someone.
The idea isn't to remember just your first memory, but you push beyond it, and look 'behind' that memory, and see what you see.
Imagine an extra Polaroid beneath the oldest one.
What is that image?
I think the more you try to "push" a memory, the more distorted and the further away from reality it becomes. If you really want to imagine a memory beyond your furthest one, your brain will make one up, atleast that's what I think
Well, mine's not abstract, it's a face. My face? I'm not sure. It reminds me of- well- me. I think it's me, but at the same time i don't think it is.
If i think harder it looks like me as i am right now.
What's this supposed to mean OP?
It means that you remember your face well because it's literally your face. When you remember a past event the memory is slightly distorted each time. In fact, the way the brain works causes you to remember the memory as it was the last time you remembered it instead of the original memory.
But your face is right there all the time. There's no reason for distortion because modern life allows for the face to be a constant fresh memory.
no, i mean, i flipped the picture over. I can't see it anymore now, but for some reason on the other side was a face that "reminded" me of my face.
It was smiling, kinda freaked me out really. It was a sincere but knowing smile. I don't know how to describe it. It's like it knew something i didn't.
I see... a crib (or bed)? Actually, I'm in said crib/bed thing. There's a lot of items in this room, some scattered and others organized. On the wall, I see a Muppets poster. This must be my first babysitter's house. I'll see if I can find the Muppet poster online.
Expanding consciousness, expanding wisdom.
I feel the same as you in regards to the individual being an expression of the Universe "God". I'd imagine we may stem from a similar branch of God in experience and desires perhaps?
To answer OP, I see pure energy computing every possible scenario CONCEIVABLE, and my birth is simply where this body and subjective experience come into play, and I begin my role in refining raw information for the machine? idk
I see a sort of freeze-frame from a nightmare I had when I was 3. It's an extremely thick tangle of forest, vines/bushes/branches/what have you, forming a barrier. The top half of a wolf is pushing through the tangle towards me, snarling.
I'm going to keep trying to push through it, but my first memory is a traumatic one, so it's actually rather vivid.
When I was maybe 2 or even younger, I was at my cousin's house watching TV with them. They turned on "The Blob" at one point, and I lost it. I remember climbing up the stairs in terror to escape the movie so clearly, it was likely my first time climbing steps on my own.
This memory shaped my entire childhood and to a degree, my life. I have a severe phobia of slime, and things like pies in the face and etc. It made growing up in the 90s rather rough as Nickelodeon was huge...and just the mention of it made me hyperventilate. Thank god it eventually got noticed and treated when I was young...it has basically vanished through therapy and medication.
Anyway, I don't see anything earlier...I see The Blob, my cousin's old basement, the stairs, and the feeling of my terror.
I'm not sure if I had a nightmare like that; however, I do have an image of a forest/treeline at night.
Other things that come to mind are a kind of bubbling substance, or my parents arguing/fighting.
My first memory is of being in the first floor of a casino inside a candy shop with my uncle and my sister, and then hiding from a lady dressed in all black.
Pushing beyond that I remember being chased by a black dog around a looping room painted in the three primary colors plus white. The room was pristine and somewhat shiny.
Going even deeper than that I see just a bright blinking red light. Blinking in a burst of 2, then 1, then 1, 4, 3, 1, 1. From this point I just feel sick and nauseous (but that could be because I haven't slept recently, have a headache, and maybe a stomach bug)
I might do this at some point if I'm interested/bored enough, but first I have a couple questions.
First, how do I know if I'm doing this correctly or not? I have pretty bad memory when it comes to certain things (Sometimes I can't remember simple shit, like chores and crap, brushing teeth, etc or something along the lines of gaps in my recent memory on account of simply not being able to recall them due to my forgetfulness) and on top of that, I don't think I'd be able to remember things in a linear order... Will my brain connect the missing pieces or some shit, or am I effectively fucked?
Second, if I somehow manage to pull it off correctly, is it safe? (I got attacked by a large dog belonging to an aunt at around 4 or 5, I remember the dog jumping on me, and the fact that there were stairs behind said dog before I hit the floor, but fuck all in regards to any other details, whenever I think of the memory, it's literally what I described, and the brief noise of a dog's bark. Nothing else. Hell, I may or may not be remembering it correctly after all these years, for all I know. My point is this: What's the possibility it triggers a bad emotional response enough to cause problems in my body's functioanlity like PTSD or some shit if my mind remembers it fully? Or at the least strike the literal fear of God into my very soul in such a way I won't be able to approach big dogs in my life again? I ended up having to get many stitches in my face from where the huge scratch was, according to my parents.)
Sorry for the two detailed, drawn out questions, I just want to make those concerns perfectly clear before I even consider attempting this, if I can even pull it off...
I might think of more questions, but I may not, who knows... Either way this experiment is interesting, but makes certain concerns arise, such as the ones I've presented above.
If you don't feel comfortable doing it: don't do it.
It's a rough idea anyway. The point is to just find your oldest memory and push passed it, not necessarily to remember every single moment in your life. Then to describe the image you 'see'.
Another question: Do the memories present themselves as solely pictures, or when you pick them up/focus on them, do they turn to a full blown vivid memory?
If they're just pictures, I have a feeling I'd be fine, but if not, I'm slightly uncertain
Being in the hallway of the church my family went. Lights are out, no one is around. I'm scared because someone else is there. My male Sunday school teacher stands out.
I'm like 99% positive I was molested as a child and blocked it out. Wonder if this is a doorway to more.
I suppose I don't care either way, I'm broken no matter what.