ITT: We pretend Pokemon is RL >remember, its not a funny world

Nah I want to stay in since I haven't cut the grass in like two weeks. Plus who knows where that Tyranitar is after he obliterated Tokyo.

I was out for a walk when a Pinsir stared at me and then he went all HENSHIN , grew fucking wings and ripped my legs off

I miss my legs

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>New York
>tfw relatives is living there
Where do I sign up?

>>20526451
aww man, then i must go alone. i will put a few potions and some ultra balls in. i think i will be back in a month, wish me luck.
>never seen again

Today I was finally able to return the mangled corpse of my brother that was sent flying against a fucking mountain miles away because of a Machamp

It was a good day

Hey guys, I just beat the elite 4! Here's video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIRwQd6ihTQ

>pokemon MUST be in a post-apocalyptic world, it's the only headcanon I want to use!

Fuck off.

the president is actually a ditto

>>20526484
go to the next pokecenter
they are always there for you
i personally think its a very nice thing from the government to build emergency camps

I knew everything was going to shit when the Indian Elephants went extinct.

>>20526530
So I take it you want to dwell into ANOTHER happy-go-lucky RP thread with problems such as "guis my Gardevoir won't stop giving my blowjobs! :((("

>>>/mlp/

>>20526535
I bet the Hypnos did this

>>20526530
>saffronia
>metropolis
>inhabitants: 30

and oh no, some killer meowth ate my whiscash

>>20526560
Why does it have to be one or the other?

Why can't we have a damn balanced world where nothing is destroyed and pokemon aren't sexual beings?

>>20526609
cause that would be realistic. pokemon are tamed animals, like lions, just extremely powerful. and as games, manga, etc (fuck the anime) are saying, it is that what is meant to be

>>20526535
>oh noes

Hey guys pro tip never and I mean NEVER take a Machamps belt off. Shit goes crazy and mega evolves

arvalis a shit

>>20526413
all these annoying beedrills and yanmas and stuff flying around my house are annoying

>>20526883
better get some protect before they come to the idea to steal your honey. dont be in their way when they want to steal your honey

>>20526649
BS. There's no way I'm taking every last pokemon to be a domesticated species.

>>20526917
true, better dont try to tame a charizard. thats why charmanders are here, you can pretend to be their mommy. and you can still catch all pokemon, but maybe you cant tame everyone

Guys, I just need to get this off my chest.

I feel like I'm on the path to becoming one of those people who want to fuck their Pokémon. I don't want to go down that route, though, so does anyone have any advice as to how I can get these perverted thoughts out of my head?

If it's relevant, the Pokémon I've been lusting after is my Metagross.

>>20527000
metagross is in the mineral egg group, you cant fuck it, so forget it

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>>20527000

>not being in a region where it is legal

>>20527000
Its ok man this is normal. They Mahe the perfect waifu! They are super smart so they can do all the bills and taxes, they fly so now you never have to take the plane and If it's shiny you never have to buy it jewelery because it is jewelery. So if you already caught the fever there isn't going back sorry annon

>>20526478
My Scyther poked me in the stomach the other day.

I miss being alive. ;_;

>>20527072
I thought about doing this but it still kinda felt wrong... But I think >>20527077 has convonced me otherwise. I'll keep that in mind.

Would we not assume that since humans in the Pokemon canon managed to survive to still develop to the same level of society that we have, we would be able to do that too?

Okay, but you try to tell something that can blast 100,000 volts at you to stop mating. Especially when it's mate can do the same.

>>20527232
Yeah.

i tell you guys, never try to rape a pokemon. espacially a gardevoir! they will freak out and fucking kill you. im writing this from pokehell right now

I have been running away from a very angry Slowpoke for the last 4 years.

I'm still waiting for him to catch up with me so that it gets intense again.

Daily reminder that your pokemon does not want to fuck you and that you would be raping it.

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>>20526413

Greetings, valued citizen! Safety-gon here with your friendly news update!

WARNING! YOU HAVE NOT REPORTED TO YOUR DESIGNATED OFFICIAL IN [NaN] DAYS! Failure to report may result in denial of monthly food privileges.

The forecast for your area today is: [Heavy Sandstorms]. Remain indoors, REPEAT, REMAIN INDOORS.

==Today's Breaking News==
-World Government assures citizens water supplies 'in no danger' from local Muk population
-Bold new scheme to contain Beedrill swarms approved by all 5 high council members
-Scientific study finds surprising health benefits in Soda Pop

REMAIN INDOORS

>>20527375
>Sandstorms

Shit, I hope it's not a Tyranitar.

>>20526519
I heard the battle music in my head.

>>20526413
>tfw I can never leave my house
It's surrounded with tall grass, and I don't have a pokemon

>>20527361
>petp
People for the Ethical Treatment of Pokemon

Good to see the president has good bodyguards. A whole team of gardevoir.

>>20527500
What region do you live in? I could probably spare one of mine.

>>20527517
yeah, i heard they are the best bodyguards ever. still waiting until my qt little ralts evolves. oh, you cute cute ralts, arent you? still cant wait to fuck you some day <3

>>20527547
hoenn, route 119

>>20527552
that ralts is male

>>20527597
here, have a magikarp :)

>>20527597
I'll need a few weeks before I earn enough to get a round ticket over to Hoenn, but it'll mostly depend on how many battles I win and lose in that time. Might play it safe and stay out of any.

>>20527675
>implying you are still alive after losing a battle

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>>20527670
I love it, I'll call it Mr. Fish (pic related).

>>20527675
Thanks, but Mr. Fish will help me through now!

>>20527772
i hope you will love it. if you love it it will become strong. but you better not lose a single batlle, i hope you are very good

>be out on a walk
>volcanic area
>see magcargo on distance
>think about getting closer to study it
>literally burn away without a trace before even getting close

Living is overated

Did anyone here hear about that guy who wanted to marry Reshiram? I think his name was Justin. I always thought Poképhiles were disgusting, but that just takes it to a whole new level.

>>20527894
I think some guy calling himself "N" already married Reshiram...

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>>20526519
Way to have your Furret spam Double Team like an absolute fucking faggot

>>20527933
He's probably fucked Reshiram at this point.

>>20527894
>>20527933
>>20528049

>Believing in legendaries

Stay pleb

>>20528101
i have a mew. btw the only catchable legendary
and i also saw moltres in fall three years ago

>>20528101
>acting as though they're deities
>implying Ghetsis wasn't right in that news report about them being just Pokemon, even if worshipped as deities

>>20528273
>i have a mew
>has a meowth nicknamed "mew"

>>20528319
Ghetsis was a fucking nutcase, he even broke out of prison before. Good thing that lunatic is locked up good now.

>>20528360
Yeah, but you gotta admit he was right about "legendary" Pokemon, even if he did everything else wrong.

>>20528380
I don't know, they seem pretty damn legendary to me.

So I'm supposed to believe that light show over all of Sinnoh was nothing? That scorching heat and torrential downpours happening right next to each other are nothing?

>>20528417
Dude, that was only in Kyushu, and it was those Aqua/Magma fucks dicking around with nature.

Guys did you hear about what's happening in France? So sort of Neo-Nazi group tried to genocide the entire country.

>>20528494
good thing that mega gardevoir so nice of her to save everyone.

>>20528519
Ah, they think their Champion is so great just because she's an actress.

>>20528494
They were stylish AF though

hey guys! after giovanni, cyrus and ghetsis, i want to be the next dictator. my team will be called "the alphas" we believe in legalizing pokemon prostitution. anyone wanting to join me?

>>20528380
shit man, ghetsis has many parallels to hitler

>>20528615
Only if there's __male Goodra

>>20528615
>hey everyone I'm a gigantic faggot please fuck my ass

You'd be killed before you even took a soapbox

>>20528664
it is! and cookies, metagross, gardevoir.. every pokemon (no legendaries)

>>20528693
but.... meloetta....

>>20528615
>believe in legalizing pokemon prostitution
>whole of your beta team will have ditto only and have it transform to every girl/guy/pokemon you meet and fuck it

forget beta, you're all omega

>>20528773
awesome idea m8, thank you. but i will stick with real pokemon cause ditto just cant intimate vagoos. believe me, i tried it... multiple times

>>20528750
sorry, but if you join, maybe we can catch one. that will be our goal, catching that meloetta bitch and fuck her in the ass!

>>20528839
vag better than ass though

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guys help I tried recreating bills experiment with human data teleportation but now my dna is all fucked and im a tangela it feels gross and its hard to type

>>20528915
oh hi Bill

>>20528915
Go back in and do the cell separating thing.

>>20528915
*insert ad for Silph Co. Warp Tiles here*

Mother fuckers keep stealing route signs here

hi im the manager of silph who took over devon two days ago. what do you say about it?

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>>20529052

soo nice how they cured cancer by using parasects mushrooms!
Also, we solved global warming pretty much with all the grass pokemon.
my koffing gets me hella high when we hotbox in the car

>>20529096
>my koffing gets me hella high when we hotbox in the car
>not using Oddish
Have fun dying.

>>20529052
>being this monopolistic

>>20529052
worse than apple

>>20527442
Or worse, a Garchomp. One was walking around by the big power plant in Kalos, apparently it had some rock on it that made it super-strong. Someone with a Mamoswine came along though, luckily.

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>>20526413

>>20529120
nah man, if he goes easy on you you get skyhigh, its trippier than lsd, i always wondered why he has that big smile on his face now i know why

oddish highs any good? what is the effect like

>>20529231
They're not called the Weed Pokemon for nothing, bruh.

>>20529251
>getting weed when you can have dmt

I'm still working on filtering down essence of Gengar, but I've diluted it so much that it cannot be detected. And it's still lethal.

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>Year 20000xx
>Not leaving out seeds and some peanut butter on a plate all the time
>Not befriending a small bird.
>Not waiting till it becomes a giant winged messenger of death
>Riding above all those faggots having problems with land only pokemon.

>>20529951
>flame body
Have fun suffering from third-degree burns.

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>>20529951
>riding a bird
Dead bird.
>Year 20000xx
>Not leaving out rattata and some water on a boulder all the time
>Not befriending a small Trapinch
>Not waiting till it becomes a giant winged desert spirit dragon
>Riding above all those faggots who think that birds can carry them
My Flygon can carry me for days

>>20530015
>Using winged Pokémon for flight
>Not hovering around on a Metagross
>Not living on your Metagross when your house gets foreclosed on, sleeping under it when it's rainy

>>20530174
>metagross gets sleepy
>good bye, cruel world

>>20530174
Not using superior probopass.

>>20530174
Metagross is the best Pokemon. I raised mine from a little Beldum and I make money by beating down idiots who think their Fire-types can stand up to mind-rape by an indestructible flying supercomputer

>>20530209
>computer getting sleepy
Okay, sure.

>>20530218
How's Israel?

>>20526413
Don't tell anyone, but New York is fine. The mayor just had the NYPD use their Zoroarks make it look like it was destroyed, to cut down on those damn tourists.

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>>20530219
Salamence and I can take on your Metagross any day. I've raised him up from a Bagon, and we even trained him specifically for battle. When he gets mad, there's no stopping his Outrage attack.

>>20530250
oh, thank you m8. too bad that i got killed by that gyarados
>>20530219
>implying metagross is a computer

>>20530311
>Implying
It has four brains, i'm sure one can take a nap while the others handle shit.