Let's build the worst possible video game console one part/aspect/feature at time.
I think we should start by using hardwired Atari 5200 controllers for it.
Virtual Boy screen without an option to use a TV.
loading time of a neo geo cd first gen
side caddy load drive
proprietary disc media
ext port underneat for addon
atari jaguar cd reliability
atari 5200 controller with the cord coming out from the front side (dreamcast style) and gyroscoping control
standard RF Out only by default, if you want to use anything else (composite/hdmi/component) you need to buy proprietary cable.
alway onlines DRM
ads in game
barely no vent creating heat issues
if you unplug the video cable the consoles shuts off
controller use integrated, non-removable battery and need a proprietary cable to charge it from the console.
it run some kind of android variant.
Using these as a base I came up with the following. I took the liberty to remove the VB-stand as needing a stand for your bulky portable system is something only CASUAAAAL would need.
BTW: What are we going to call our system /v/?
I GOT THIS
LET'S MAKE IT USE VINYL RECORD FOR STORAGE!
Well, it's similar to the Virtual Boy, so we gotta make it immersive, so put a rumble pack in the main unit. A powerful one. I want it giving someone an instant headache from this 3DO headset rattling on someone's face.
I got this, every single game requires you to use two Atari 5200 controllers simultaneously which is perfect for our bulky "portable" monstrosity that doesn't have a head strap or a stand.
Every game requires you to use a shittier version of R.O.B.
This one takes 15 minutes to perform a single command and sounds like an bunch of metal scraps having an orgy
It also requires a bunch of wires to be hooked up to the system
And If you even do so much as slightly pull one of his cord out of the system, the game will restart
Regardless of the soundchip, there are no sound controls, it is always too loud, on top of the extra loud fan as >>323922313 said, and I imagine the rumble pack built in to the unit is also noisy.
Online play costs $50
You have to actually go to a physical store and buy a scratch off card, containing a string of 100 characters that have to be input into the system in order to play online.
input is done through one of those arcade-like character wheels no undo or delete function you have to to it all again if you are disconnected
>You have to constantly fuck around with getting the console on and off your head as you have to to take it off to look at the code.
A Daikatana port
>Use 5200 controller to walk and shoot
>Use console's motion controls to aim, not the controller, you have to throw your head around
>Only one song in the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Et6NuNnFKtA
Ok, here are a few ideas:
>every part of the console needs to be bought separately and assembled at home
>good chance of screwing it up in case you don't know what your doing
>at least 3x bigger and 5x heavier than your average current gen console
>main controller has more than 100 buttons, most of them won't even do anything in-game
>you need to install the firmware and home screen software yourself (and you have to pay for it too)
>can't lend or sell games you've already played, they're forever tied to one of your 'accounts'
>some games might not even run properly first time, and you'll have to figure it out how to get them working
>literally no exclusives, except shitty pixel-art indie games
>have to change it's parts every few years because they won't run newer games
>Atari 5200 controller
Not shitty enough, how about the Rolling Rocker that still requires you have Atari 5200 controller plugged into it?
>cannot delete games from the digital library no matter what, not even betas and demos
>forced to use an embarrassing name you made when you were 13 because you can't change it
>hovering over a game shows you ads for other games in the series and its season pass
How about we just take this thing and call it a day?
Better idea, the controller is just a massive trackball. There are no buttons, instead you draw the letter of the character with the trackball. (If the game wants you to push the "A" button, you draw an "A" with the trackball)
lte's talk about the software
announce 10 launch tittles
6 of them due to release 2 years later
and the other 4 get released 6 years after
when the console's cycle is near it's end
meanwhile only shovelware and indieshit to enjoy
Lauch titles (and all games on the system) should obviously be ports of games from other systems. And since the goal is to make the worst system evar we obviously are talking about games like SuperMan 64, Sonic '06 and Big Rigs.
All games should be in HD, but the console unable to keep up, so every game has a loading screen after each action and roads, trees, mountains and people constantly trying to render, to the extent where it makes it impossible to do anything.
I got it.
It needs collectable cards that never got a fullprint, so most cards are rare and you'll never have a full set.
Also the cards rarely work since the printing run was cheap and shoddy and rushed. You need to scan each card several times to get just one to work, and there is a design flaw in the reader which makes it rub off the code over time.
>false (for the record, you can share Steam games)
>true, if you're completely computer illiterate
>false, more exclusives than any console
>false, especially with consoles around to stagnate the industry