The Bible has the deepest lore.
What chapter would make a good game? And what kind of genre would suit it better?
A survival horror game where you have to kill undead vampire arabs when you're wandering the desert with Moses. You can set up camp during the night and fortify. You're only safe during the day and have to collect mana to survive and hone your skills.
All of a sudden I can see Telltale Games making an adventure game where you play as Jesus. Choice moments would include being tempted by Lucifer in the desert, and Jerusalem would be one big finale.
I think I said this before...
>Grand Strategy type of game
>point of view from catholic/orthodox/other church
>spread amongst the Roman empire and beyond
>set up missions and manage your relationship to leaders
>try your best to survive the collapse of the empire
So...the 'Book of Acts'?
Joshua and Judges are both about Hebrews fucking up Canaanites of various groups left and right.
Joshua was such a badass that God stopped moving the sun from going down so Joshua would have enough daylight to kill more Canaanites.
A David and Goliath game that works like Warning Forever, you fight an endless series of giants that changes based on how you beat the previous ones.
Isiah or Revelations would do it.
Also, the old testimate wars against the Philistines could be fun.
>in between battles, you do Civ management
>must follow everything your prophet says
>if you disobey the prophet or accidentally a sin, your chance of winning a battle drops like a rock
>with God on your side, you can win 1v10 odds. Against you, you could lose with the same.
>killing Goliath and his sons
>dem Hebrew warriors renowned for like 200+ kills in a single battle
Revelations. The game has already been made... sort of....
Darksiders There will never be another Darksiders. Pic very much related...
I would unironically enjoy a jesus meme game (think goat simulator) where you bust off the cross and fuck people up. There would also be many hilarious gameplay mechanics like turning water into wine and drinking it for replenishment
They can make a game based on the book of Jedges in the Bible which includes characters like Gideon who was an Israelite soldier that went to kill the Midianites in his quest for vengeance due to his family being murdered as a casualty of war.
Samson, the strongest man who ever lived and used his Super Human strength to kill 50 men with a jawbone of a donkey and literally brought down an entire temple that had Philistines in it using nothing but his own bare hands. His weakness is that he would lose his strength if his hair is cut, which means he has long hair.
David went to battle not only Goliath, but he also battled his other giant brothers and lead his troops against the Philistines.
Debra, a prophetess of God was also a tactician that lead the Israelites to winning against the Canaanites and ushered in peace for 40 years.
Darksiders isn't anything like the actual book of Revelations though. It has War and Death, kind of, but they don't even do what they do in Revelations. Aside from the world ending, everything is different.
Not Biblical but Christian apocrypha, but there is a game based off the Book of Enoch
Fist Messiah -- A spiritual sequel to God Hand. It recounts all the Jesus stories, but he preaches with his fists. Starts off with a tutorial level in the desert, then he roams temples punching merchants. Bosses include Zombie Lazarus, Pontius Pilate and the final boss is Death.
He fights a storm demon while walking on water. There's a donkey riding minigame.
Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt.
Lot's daughter believed that if they are to preserve their father's line, they gotta fuck him.
So they got him drunk enough because Lot wouldn't do it sober.
Lot's the ancestor of the Moabites.
King Solomon sim where you go exploring with your demon buddies and hunt genies that are terrorizing the country. There's a dating sim portion where you romance 700 wives and acquire a 300 concubine harem.
Stealth game where you play as Judith where you must inflitrate Holofernes' camp and behead him.
True. For example there's no mention of a council, nephilim, or old ones in the book. I suppose I should have said it was "inspired" by Revelations.
Still... a game that focuses on the four horsemen and includes elements from Revelations is more than enough to pique my interest.
anything from the new testament is nothing but lessons on being nice to each other, so that's automatically out, except for Revelations, which is a bunch of crazy apocalyptic craziness, which would be great
I've never thought I was able to want something this hard.
>...when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the people went up into the city, every man straight before him, and they took the city.
I've maintained for a long time that the Jews were dragonborn and could use dragon shouts, which is how they tore down the walls of Jericho.
There's a reason hitler wanted them dead.
It's pretty fun I enjoyed it. It plays almost the same as Devil May Cry, which makes sense since it was directed by the character designer for the old DMC games. The best part about it is by far the art style, which is just amazing, every level is really cool and stylish, it's just a visual treat to watch this game. Also there are parts where it gets pretty crazy, like pic related looks bonkers, but makes perfect(ish) sense in context. Definitely worth trying out at least once.
There should be a game where you star a huge hypocrite, realise you can take over a religion by inducting gullible tourists and pretend like you are super secret best friends with the now dead son of god.
You'd have a show down with the real heads of the religion, get arrested and sped the rest of the game under house arrest waging a propaganda war over which version of Christianity people should beleive.
I'm talking about
Paul, from Acts of the Apostles and all the Letters in and around the New Testament.
>Temple clearing simulator
>whip and fistfight your way through the temple flipping over merchant tables
Holy shit that sounds fucking awesome!
The Book of Samson. The most metal of biblical stories.
>Jews are occupied by Philistines, and sick of it
>Man and wife pray to God, want their son to be the baddest motherfucker alive and kill the Philistines
>God says okay, but he has to be Captain Israel to keep his strength
>Must observe the rules of an ancient order of Israeli monks: can't eat or drink anything made from grapes, can't touch dead bodies, can't cut his sick dreadlocks
>Samson grows up not knowing he's a goddamn tyrannosaurus
>Getting married into a Philistine family, on way to wedding feast
>Gets attacked by a lion, and he punches it to fucking death
>Bees come and make a nest in lion's corpse, Samson the honey will make the most badass dessert ever and scoops it out
>Presents honey at dinner and tells some bullshit riddle to guests just to fuck with them
>Guests learn the answer from fucking his fiancee
>Samson realizes his wife is a whore and Philistines are all shitheads, kills every Philistine in a 100-mile radius with his bare fucking hands
>The legend begins
The twist ending is that you essentially win and become immortalized in the religion and all the people who know better get butchered to death by the Roman Empire back in Jerusalem.
Paul never hid the fact that he was a Jewish leader that prosecuted and killed Christians before joining them.
He was a man of God who wrote that Circumcision and refusing to eat Pork along with many Levitical laws are no longer a necessity because they've been fulfilled.
A real hypocrite would be Benny Hinn or the Roman Emperor Constantine.
>Samson becomes a bona-fide legend with his Philistine-punching prowess
>Philistines form a Legion of Doom-esque cabal to take him down
>Blackmail Samson's new wife into helping them discover his weakness
>Samson fucks around with her for a while, but eventually lets it slip that cutting his hair will take his powers away
>Wakes up the next morning bald, can no longer kill lions by punching them
>Sinks into depression
>Philistines are rounding up all the Jews
>Samson realizes what must be done
>Runs up mountainsides and trains on meat carcasses while Eye of the Tiger plays in the background
>Shows up in the Legion of Doom's main temple
>Enough time has passed that his hair has grown back out
>Everyone freaks out, thinking his power has returned
>He uses pure skill to kill about a dozen people before they realize that he's just a normal man and get the upper hand
>Samson, in desperation, kneels down
>"God, I know I've never prayed before, but please do me this one favor and help me murder all of these dudes."
>God gives him his super-strength back
>Samson tears apart two massive marble columns with his bare hands and brings the entire temple down
>Samson sacrificed his life so that the Philistine plague could finally be wiped out of Israel
The best part is, scholars have no idea what the fuck this story is even doing in the bible. There's no parable, God doesn't have much presence, and it's basically just a superhero story.
I'm pretty sure they captured Samson the very moment he woke up, and gouged his eyes out.
Then the killed fucking everything with what strength he had left.
tl;dr bitches and hoes
I feel completely apathetic about religion in general but I do still enjoy a lot of biblical teachings
My favorite one is Matthew 26:52
"Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword."
It both sounds cool and I agree what Jesus meant to say with it. There's conscription in my country and a lot of people who go to the army are really hype about it, but I think they're not being very mature because being happy about learning to kill another human being is fucking evil and dangerous, in my opinion
>God came to me, I have truly seen the light now! I will become a brand new religious authority with tremendous disruptive political influence!
>I knew a guy who knew Jesus too
>Better questioning is as to why there's basically softcore porn in the Bible.
Back then people weren't scared of sex.
Don't let these modern Christians fool you.
but premarital or bust.
About Dante's hot rings of hell, I reckon it was pretty badass that you kill the grim reaper/death at the start and take his scythe because you are too manly to die.
They could have made a better game out of it I guess, I liked the action angle but I never replayed it.
Sorry, I misread your comment and thought you were suggesting a Hack and Slash based on Dante's Inferno, but I understand what you mean now.
I wouldn't mind if it was more like a slower Dark Souls, but have trouble picturing it as a stealth game. Wanna suggest something?
>hack n' slash action during tribulation.
>enemies are human faced locusts, demons, etc.
>ur bosses are the Whore of Babylon, the False Prophet, and the Beast.
>environments are ruined cities and Hell landscapes.
It's in the bible because it was an important event that happened in ancient Israel.
God did give Samson his strength AND the moral of the story is not get drunk and marry someone outside your faith.
If you are a bit flexible with the date, the late bronze age has a wealth of options.
Sea People raiding everywhere, Kadesh, Egypt being zergrushed by Libu and Sea People, fall of Troy,
Depending on what branch you ascribe too, Song of Songs is either just poetry included for completeness's sake, or about how you should just fuck like animals with your wife all the time.
God of war type game where you kill all the characters of the bible. Imagine a QTE of nailing Jesus to a cross while fighting him. Guess it could start with the serpent in the garden of eden and work its way up from there.
>Back then people weren't scared of sex.
>Don't let these modern Christians fool you.
Sex isn't bad, it's the PERVERSION of sex that is bad.
It's good if you keep it within marriage and enjoy the pleasure while acknowledging one another in love.
I know it is hypocritical to take everything in a book as the truth, but I read Riza Aslan's Zealot book which is a scholar's examination of everything that is in the New Testament and what he reckons actually happened or is meant. It also keeps a track of what times everything was written down and the cultural influences of those documents.
Good book anyway, but I love regurgitating his ideas to shock people who talk to me about the bible. It isn't an atheist thing either, just a historian thing.
40 Day and 40 Nights
Survival game where you must resist the increasing advances of Satan while wandering the desert for 40 day night cycles. If you give in you'll realise that Satan was trying to help and offer water, stop being a fucking retard Jesus Christ.
Too bad a lot of people have misinterpreted that and damn near everything else the bible has said. Whether for their own reasons or just cause they didn't actually read it that carefully.
It's more of trying to be closer to the source material. Dante's basically given a tour through Inferno, not fighting through it with a badass scythe.
He and his friend also have to deal with a few rowdy demons in the book, but they usually bullshit their way through or just attempt to sneak past rather than raise their ire.
This guy knocks on your door with a message from God
What do you do?
There are Christians that treat sex as evil?
Like I said, the perversion of sex is evil, not sex.
Money isn't the root of all evil, that was also misquoted.
It's the LOVE of money that's the root of all evil as money itself is neutral.
I think it was Christianity which introduced a strain of celibacy unknown (or at least unfamiliar by and large) to Judaism. Judaism being the usual rural religion that espoused fertility and child-rearing like Islam, while Christianity got a lot of theologians and thinkers from more urban and philosophy-oriented backgrounds.
It may not have been Christianity so much as Christianity's birth during a time when gnosticism and dualism had a very strong sway, and with it the views of the physical realm being irrevocably flawed and tainted and connections such as sexuality further roping one to that material plane.
The author makes the case for Augustine's writing, and accounts of competing Christian dogmas, illustrating a specific Christian camp that was by no means a fringe group espousing a very negative view of sexuality. Again however, rooted more in Platonic philosophy or the gnostic heresies that abounded than anything in Jesus or the OT.
Dante's Inferno could work as an adventure game, but I'd love it as a kind of CRPG where combat is still an option but it's not hack-and-slash. Like Planescape Torment.
Angle are fucking freaky as well.
>Those six winged angles near the throne of god. One pair covers their eyes so they cant look upon him. Another covers their feet so they arent seen treading on the same ground of god.
I think thats the jist of them
If one could manage to provide some stellar graphics to go along with it, I could imagine it selling well as an
indie horror game
Angels that comprise of wheels spinning counter to one another, made of an unknown jewel and covered in hundreds of eyes. They're best friends with pic related and have the illustrious job of carrying God's throne around.
Look up Bible Adventures for the NES.
It's got Noah hunting animals, David hunting sheep and then fighting goliath, and Baby Moses getting intentionally thrown in the Nile by his mom without any boat twenty times in a row because that one was so fucking unreasonably hard that it breaks the kindest of people.
Noah would be huge. An open world exploration game, where you're rounding up animals all over the world. You'd have to design and micromanage the Arc to accommodate every single animal, while fighting off giants and other crazy pre-flood creatures.
>Biblical angels are so crazy looking they had to tell people to chill whenever they showed up in their true form
The thing about priests in the Catholic Church having to be celibate isn't Biblical teaching.
Paul exclaims that celibacy is OPTIONAL and if you are a horny person that can't control your dick, then it's BETTER that you find a girl and marry her.
Paul and Jesus are celibate.
The other apostles had families.
Mary, mother of Jesus actually had relations with Joseph and have kids after Jesus was born. Jesus was born from a virgin, but the virgin didn't stay virgin for long. James younger half brother of Jesus and was of both human parents Joseph and Mary. But the Catholic Church for whatever reason tries to ignore this.
Angels either look like regular guys or are those weird creatures with frighting and strange forms.
The Bible Nowhere states that there are winged female angles and there are no winged angel babies.
Angels are also a complete separate race from humans, no one becomes an angel when they die.
Because Angels look bizarre and scary, they tend to respond with "Be not afraid" when they appear in their angelic form.
Probably not, but does it hurt if they do?
It can get pretty dirty. Song of Songs is, as many have pointed out earlier, essentially written erotica, and they certainly don't bother censoring things. Ezekiel 23:20 and all that.
Right? fucking dinosaurs and ancient fuckin civilizations with crazy avatar like tech and a fucked up society. Would be wild. Those ancient alien guys would be shitting bricks in excitement.
>The thing about priests in the Catholic Church having to be celibate isn't Biblical teaching.
I was led to believe that it was a politically motivated doctrine that prevented priests from willing away church land to potential heirs.
It probably has older roots than that though
They thought the world was ending and thus needed to repopulate, their father was the only other guy around....
Mind you before this their mother was turned into a pillar of salt as they fled from a city that was /d/ incarnate and condemned by God to destruction.
>I think my infantile, unoriginal 'teenage' logic merits a serious response
i'm amazed that /v/ and 4chan in general has matured to the point that you can discuss religion and christianity here without overzealous atheists coming out of the woodwork to shit up the discussion
A prequel to a game that ended on an excellent cliffhanger.
Meandering story that drops all Revelations motifs.
"Before I can help you, you must collect three of x." - Every character you meet.
The amount time spent shuffling across wooden beams.
A loot system that tried to cover for the lack of weapons.
The overworld was nice, though.
>those two angels who hide in Lots house from the crowd of dudes who want to rape them
>Lot offers his daughters to the crowd to be raped so his guests wouldn't be harmed
>the crowd refuses free pussy and keep banging down the door because they just wanna rape those angels
Probably my favorite bible story
Not really, the most important details are correct. Him being captured is missing, and it doesn't make clear that he has two wives, plus a few other badass things he did, but that's all.
Fedoras and belts aside, I think a game about Joshua would be pretty good. They should really make the scene with shouting the walls of the city to the ground as iconic as possible. It'd be hard to do it justice.
Jesus also said to not call anyone your father (in a religious sense) because there is only one father that's in Heaven.
But there are many Catholic priests that call themselves father.
Also the Bibles in translated in the common language of the people were once banned by the Catholic Church.
John Wycliffe was one of the first people to attempt to translate the Bible so that people can read the words for themselves. It was a time where all New testament scripture was only in Greek and Latin and the people depended on priests for their knowledge.
But the Catholic Church tried to burn all the translated Bibles and even cursed Wycliffe.
This eventually lead to more people translating the bible which lead to the King James and the Reformation.
All I see in regard to clerical conduct is a bunch of stuff about public image. Nothing about celibacy.
Besides, it's not as if they'd put it in the canons that a decision was made in consideration of inheritance disputes
>implying I even go to church
What you believe is your business, but you don't have to be a prick.
>still no open-world exploration ARPG with Moses collecting animal buddies and fighting alongside them to survive fucking nature while finding more animal buddies
The Israelites' tribes conquest and extermination of the Canaanites would be a good RTS, each tribe is a different faction with a different specialty and you can call on Deus ex machina powers to help you in battle.
The New Teats,ent would probably work more as an RPG, consisting mostly of conversation wheels deciding which parables to tell your followers. Everyone would bitch about the ending and the setup for the sequel that never comes.
I've looked at atheist regimes such as those of Mao, Stalin and others. They made me Christian.
Anything revolving around Joab, dude literally couldn't stop killing people. David fucked him over though, even though Joab was the one responsible for keeping David's shit together
Angels are often described as just dudes with extremely shining, radiant clothes. No wings, no girls.
The "do not be afraid" bit is usually because if an angel visits you, no matter what they look like, it's going to be terrifying, ESPECIALLY if you're God-fearing. Also given their history, any time an angel appears in the new testament, you need to understand that their primary purpose in old testament history is destroying cities.
angels are actually
Stalin and Mao both had famine to pad their scores, and in Mao's case it was unintentional. Hitler's score depends on how many WWII deaths you attribute to him. A better comparison for Stalin and Mao would be how many they killed as % of population, since China has so many people.
they might as well be. Have you seen artists' portrayal of some of the ones described? Here's two in the bottom left.
Orphanim or Thrones
They are the celestial embodiment of Gods justice and authority
They are living realitybreaking wheels inside of wheels inside of wheels with endless eyes on each wheel
They are third highest tier angel out there, highest caste being Seraphim, the burning ones
Of course they are. Extraterrestrial simply means "not of Earth", a category that angels fall under.
Paul (or maybe John in one of his letters, I forget which) even expresses that all who are of God are not of Earth, including true believers.
I'm an alien.
I second this. The angle of Dante saving his wife from hell was only so good of a motivation of character. Let's see what a character would be like trying not to deal with the fucking apocalypse.
He really was an asshole
>slept with an honorable man's wife, and had that man killed by putting him on the front lines
>had the man who killed saul (who was david's enemy) killed, for some bullshit reason
>had the general of his army killed at the end of his reign, despite the fact that joab was a badass and probably would have been a better king than david
>the citizens of Gomorrah wanted to fuck this
they were on a whole different level. I'm glad they destroyed those two cities so this fetish never exists. I'm fine with furries if we don't have to deal with any possible porn of this.
>HotWine Prophet: Wrong Messiah
>you play as various prophets from Christian, Islamic and Jewish religions. It's exactly in the style of Hotline Miami.
>Jesus has two modes. After beating the game one time, in NG+ Jesus can walk on water and the rmb can cause enemies to explode into wine. Only three times per level
>Samson comes with long flowing hair. Perfect for people who wants HUGE combos. For every kill, Samson gets a bit faster. After 25 kills; he is given a jaw of an ass which works like a boomerang. Only works three times
>Muhammad starts with a scimitar. Every kill makes it swing faster. In NG+ you have two lives. If you die in the first life, you explode and start in that area. The room has stunned enemies for 5 seconds.
>Noah is a minigame where you have to punch every animal to sleep in less than 60 seconds. Successful completion of the minigame unlocks Noah for NG+ mode where he punch holes in walls.
>Cain mode. God has smited you, motherfucker. You can only see in the room that you're in.
>Satan mode: All enemies are twice as strong.
>Sodom mode: Random pillars of salt crash through the ceilings, depending on the RNG.
John the Baptist was a cool religion heading bloke and Jesus learned what he knew from him.
Later the Roman sympathetic authors writing the gospels didn't like that someone should be superior to Jesus so made out that Jesus came up to John and John was like "ermagerd you are the son of god for sure and an better than me definitely, how about you teach ME?" and this gets more and more pronounced the later written the gospels get.
When John got captured Jesus basically just took over his people and that is how he got started and why baptism (at one point it's own mini-religion) got incorporated into Christianity.
>A thread having a legit discussion about the bible and what games could be made out of it
Sometimes, you guys make me proud
Most of us grew up and now know more than we ever did. For being on this board and having read the Bible, it'd be stupid not to have thought about this.
We all agree that Jesus Christ Superstar is the best jesus movie, right?
>named after Gomorrah, which was named after an even weirder move
gets me every time
A Papers Please style King Solomon simulator. You're presented with dilemmas of ownership, and you solve them by chopping the object in question in two. You get points depending on how evenly you manage to split the items.
They called him a cousin of Jesus because anyone of importance had to somehow be of the line of David to fit the prophecies people had about messiahs.
It is easier for people to accept Jesus as the messiah if he was born in Bethlahem, where the line of David tended to come from (I'm forgetting how that fits) instead of where he an his family seems to be from the rest of the book which is Nazareth.
But I'm just going off the words of one guy vs the words of some other guy so no way to know if I'm right, y'know.
Moses hack and slash/stealth hybrid where moses has to infiltrate ramses kingdom and free the people of god by any means necessary.
Moses will get powers as you play through the game like turning your staff into a snake to slither around areas to sneak past the guards or open hidden areas and doors
use your staff to defeat enemies along with summons you acquire along, like summoning a stampede of sheep, tsunamis, meteor shower, fire tornados, plauges etc.
control water to solve puzzles while infiltrating Ramses kingdom along with other use of your powers given to you by god.
you can also unlock chariot racing missions after beating the game as well as rhythm songs that you can dance with your MOVE or Kinect. licensed classics like Thus Say The Lord, Deliver Us, Through Heaven's Eyes and of course the award winning When You Believe, giving you tons of hours of replayability
I really liked Last Temptation of Christ. I thought it was a really great idea to delve in to the human side of Jesus and how fucked up it might have been being the famous savior and having to deal with sin like it was an allergy.
JCS does have some of the best fucking numbers in it, though. Judas and Jesus arguing at the last supper in song gives me chills. I'll never have that vocal range.
>enoch was such a cool dude god was like "hey come chill with me"
Jesus is God incarnate who was born of a virgin and is from the bloodline of David.
But people do tend to forget his human family.
James who is both his disciple and younger Half-Brother from Mary and Joseph's relationship.
John the Baptist who was his cousin.
He grew up and worked as a carpenter, so he is most likely tan with a strong build due being out in the sun a lot of lifting with the wood and working as a carptenter.
Book of Joshua or Book of Judges.
It could be a Total War mod.
Well there actually was an instance where the angels would freqently come down to Earth and have sex with all the women, producing giants. The fuck is wrong with the angels? Between them and Lucifer some of them seem to have brain problems.
The bible is more widespread and more people know about it, not to mention finding one and studying up on it takes little effort with all the resources out there, not to mention the bible has been taught to a lot, like a lot of people so they probably already know
its not rocket science
ctrl + f
Not gonna spoil it for you, but it has some of biblical lore.
These are what are now known as fallen Angels.
They left their heavenly estate and reproduced with human women causing their hybrid children to grow up as unstable and very violent Giants.
It's a huge reason why God caused the flood.
The angles are then chained up in the Abyss until final judgement.
Not a lot of people know about the Bible either. It's like how people in church talk down on people who talk about sex and yet there's an entire book of the Bible where Solomon tells his lover how he wants to lick her pussy and how her pussy juices taste like fine wine.
>tfw you know more about someone else's religion than they do and you aren't even religious
I'm paraphrasing from a book with a reference list a mile long, although the way scholarly works tend to happen is they have the couple of old actual texts as the basis and then everything else is just scholars debating and agreeing with eachother and writing books about it and referring to eachother's theories.
In any case Jesus's first two disciples were also John the Baptists' If I remember correctly and got Jesus's own ministry started.
Ok how about this one: Pontius Pilate was portrayed in the bible as sympathetic to Jesus and tried his best to free him by even having some 'old Jewish custom' (that doesn't actually exist) to free Jesus OR a bandit rapist guy and all the Jews yell out that they would prefer the rapist be freed, they yell out "Hail Ceasar" and that they are fine with the sin being passed on to their children.
Does that sound like something normal people say or does that sound like writing for a Roman audience?
The amount of knowledge you need to be a part of a religion is really small. Christians need like two verses (John 3:16 and Romans 6:23 I think) or something. Haven't been to church in yeras.
>Each day is a group of levels, spanning across the 7 days of the week.
>Game is a rhythm game with a disco theme.
>God is a funktastic blackman who looks a lot like Bootsy Colins.
>Depending on how accurate you are will affect your world's outcome.
>A perfect game, or high accuracy across all levels will result in a peaceful world.
>Boss levels where you play off against the devil, a black metal looking dude who looks similar to King Diamond
>Shitty playing results in pollution, war, and general un-funkiness.
>Gameplay similar to Elite Beat Agents.
>Bringing your overall accuracy to 90% or more unlocks new modes, including an Evil campaign where you attempt to corrupt man.
Yay, and it was good.
Well Jesus's deal was basically "My Father can't trust you to sanctify yourselves on your own so as long as you believe in me and tell your friends about me then I'll vouch for you when you die and let you into Heaven." Mostly because he had a problem with the chucklefuck Pharisees that knew everything about the Law of Moses and yet used it to make the people worship them instead of God.
Christ I knew this chick in Highshcool who was a Wiccan and/or a Pagan and would hate that I don't remember the difference.
She would sit in our Religion class pouting and yelling that the bible is all bullshit and Christians ruined her sun worship and pentagram are not bad.
She was just a hipster though and liked making a fuss.
Those are just introductory that kind of sum up what the belief as a whole is trying to promote. The bible never really started out as verses. That shit wasn't started until around 600 or so by a German monk, if I recall.
Before that, you had to take everything in as a whole. After reading some verses and reading every other verse collectively, it starts telling a whole lot more in context. Not to say verses are useless, but reading a bible just to nitpick verses is a shit way to read it.
Nigga I'd play the shit out of games made from the Maccabees material
>tfw I found out they were doing Left Behind again
>They cast fucking Nicolas Cage as Rayford
That movie is going to be so hilariously awful
>implying there isn't
Problem is no one wants to do anything by canon because "muh I don't reely believe guyz, I'm cool!". Not that there is a whole lot to go on, but it's not like anyone is trying to make an eroge to help strengthen faith around here, either.
>tfw no priest-approved porn
I knew two people in HS (one was Wicca, the other worshiped Poseidon or something along those lines)that I played children's card games with, and they were pretty cool. The only time one of them made a fuss was when he felt that Macbeth misrepresented his religion.
How about a Noah simulator? You have to figure out how to build a boat big enough to shelter you, your family, two of every species of land animal on Earth, and enough food to feed yourselves, the animals, and the servants you'd have to hire to feed so many animals.
>Mostly because he had a problem with the chucklefuck Pharisees that knew everything about the Law of Moses and yet used it to make the people worship them instead of God.
The Pharisees had the "I am holier than thou" attitude which made Jesus very angry.
When the people wanted to stone an adulteress, Jesus told the mob "Whoever had not sin casts the first stone" which caused the mob to leave because they know that they were no better being sinners themselves.
According to Jesus, people who had such pride and looked down on other people don't belong in his kingdom. Be humble.
And also battle the fact that building such a vessel is structurally impossible!
What fun, it could be like KSP.
>not being mormon
>listening to all the lies about mormonism
> not realizing that it actually answers the three in one question.
they're no the same person/spirit/whatever
>Saul made David a commander over his armies and offered him his daughter Michal in marriage for bringing 100 foreskins of the Philistines but David brought back 200, saying "God was with me".
I knew one chick who was like that who kind of pulled that shit on me.
>mfw she seriously said, "you know your people killed mine at Salem?"
>1 of 19
>SICK FUCKING DONKEY JAW COMBOS
>HOLY FUCK, WHY DID GOD MAKE THIS JAW SO POWERFUL, OH RIGHT, SO IT CAN MANAGE MY INCREDIBLY HUGE DICK FLOPPING ABOUT
>david jaffe's god of war 3 was going to have kratos fighting other kinds of mythologies after killing zeus at the beginning of the game but the director of gow 3 didn't do it because it wasn't his idea.
Jean Calvin. Anglicanism and Lutheranism stayed fairly close to Catholic teaching on aesthetics and such, and so tend to have more artistically-inclined churches, with the caveat that you should be careful, as an individual, not to make them into idols.
Calvin said that any sort of icons or anything distracts from God at best and at worst you're going to worship them as idols because you're a totally depraved piece of shit. Calvinist teaching on this sort of thing became more widespread in Protestantism (Lutheranism really didn't have any denominations descend from it and Anglicanism only had Methodism come out of it), so Protestants tend to, on the whole, have plainer churches than Catholics and Orthodox.
Calvin even suggests that instruments and hymns not taken from psalms are wrong, which is why calvinism gave us little in the way of sacred music, where Luther was way more open and it led to Bach and other great composers
Maybe I'll make one day bros, I already got the funk, now all I need is the rest of the junk.
And there are many sel-proclaimed Christians that do have such pride and act like pharisees.
"I like your Christ, but I don't like your Christians because they are unlike your Christ" - Mahatma Ghandi
>reading the king jame's version
>supporting shitty localisations and censorship
Pretty much it.
"Do not call any man your father for there is only one father in heaven" - Jesus
>Popes are called Holy father and the priests are called fathers
There is only one mediator between man and God and it's the man Christ Jesus.
"Mary is another mediator" - Catholics
After the virgin gave birth to Jesus, Mary then later had more kids with Joseph, one of them is James who is the half-brother and disciple of Jesus.
"Mary is a perpetual virgin" The Catholic Church
"This my blood, do this in REMEMBRANCE of me " - Jesus
"Wine is literally blood" -Church
"Don't do repetitious prayers" - Jesus
"Pray the Hail Mary 50 times" - Church
"My house is a house is a house of prayer, but you have turned it into a den of thieves!" -Jesus
"Give us your money" - Thieving Televangelists
Lel. He's giving people a small(in God persepctive) time frame to do anything you want and still make it to heaven via Jesus.
After that, every shit under high heaven and then some is going down the gutter.