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>I'll give you the 500,000 for 1%...
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You are currently reading a thread in /tv/ - Television & Film

Thread replies: 313
Thread images: 99
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>I'll give you the 500,000 for 1% of the business, on the condition that you will be my friend and hang out with me a few times a week.
>>
in all seriousness though he'd be bretty fun to hang out with, probably likes rollercoasters
>>
>>64997593
>Thanks, but I really want to see what Mark is offering first.
>>I'll give you $500,000 for 100% of your business and you can tell people you had the privilege of being in the same room with me once.
>Sorry Robert, I think I'm going to go with Mark.
>>
Kevin's Islander Story/Black Rhinoceros Blood Story when
>>
Make it a million for half a percent and I'll agree to be a casual aquaintance.
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>>64998614

you forgot the "...but you have til five seconds after I stop talking to decide or no deal"
>>
Best show.
>>
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>Have you ever drank a glass of black rhinoceros blood? Of course not, I was just being colloquial to start this story with an anecdote. The first time I had a glass I was in South Africa, taking a celebratory drink in Johannesburg after completing a successful hunt. You see, in South Africa they don't hunt lion, or elephant. We hunted a more dangerous game: the kaffir, or black man. I finally had a 7 year old boy cornered in an Oingo Bongo merchandise warehouse when the thoughts passed through my mind: Should I pull the trigger? Can I ever come back to who I was before this moment? I pulled the trigger, made my first 100 million dollars. Mr. Johnson, this is something you need to ask yourself: can I pull the trigger on this deal and make the right choice? 10% funding for 85% ownership and prima nocte rights to your daughters.
>>
>>65000424
old, seen it before
>>
some anon wrote new kevinpasta last night. please keep writing you brilliant fucks. i love these threads.
>>
>>65000424
post the other one
>>
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>>64997593
> I don't understand what your product is because I can't read. And for that reason, I am out.
>>
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>I'll give you 100,000 for 5% of your company- BUT- you have to be my toilet until I make my money back.

Would you do it?
>>
>>65003093
yes
>>
>>65003093

please pull my chain Lori
>>
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>>65002816
>>
>>64998614
>I'll give you $20,000 for full ownership of your company on the condition that you spit shine my shoes with your tongue as long as I'm on this show.
>I would be hono-
>You took too long. I'm out.
>>
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>I'll give you 100% of my FUBU socks stocks if you come here and suck my big black dingus
>Sir my wife woul-
>I'm in.
>>
>>65000424
You dirty reposter. Go back to the hole you came from.
>>
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>I'm in, and because of that, I'm out.
>>
>>65003534

>not enjoying pasta

do you have a soul?
>>
Blu Ray box set when?
>>
>>
>It's a Mark and Kevin hit on Robert in the showers episode
>>
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JUST
>>
>>65004044
Wrong show, but fuck do I wish he'd gone on Shark Tank.
>>
>>65000424
I start laughing after reading the first sentence
>>
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>"There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh."
>>
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>Do you like the Mavericks? you know what don't answer that i'm out
>>
>>65004259
I fuckin love these memes
>>
Friendly reminder that Kevin passed on Blackberry.
>>
>>65004325

sharkposting is the best
>>
>>65004635
It was either IBM, Atari or HP but one of them passed on Bill Gates fancy new operating system before he founded Microsoft.
>>
Does anyone on here wanna actually discuss the show. I'm a week behind. Last night we watched the one with the kids plates/platters, the curly haired bitches, and that breath spray/ hand spray thing.

The lady with the kids plates looked like she was on blow or some kind of prescription upper. Seemed like she didnt really care about getting a deal and just wanted to get free advertising.

The hand/mouth spray is dumb because hardly anyone smokes cigarettes anymore.
>>
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>Mark and Lori offered you $250k for 20% equity, I'd like to make the same offer, but for 40% equity and a $1 royalty on every unit sold
>>
>>65004828
Kids plate lady looked insane. She barely blinked and had these bizarre facial expression. Very hot in a crazy way desu.
>>
>>65004873
Oh yeah, she definitely carried a lot of stress in her shoulders and looked like she was hurtin for a squirtin. I bet he box is tight as fuck.
>>
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>i just don't understand what it is you are selling. Who are you anyway? Where am i? A product for kids? I have one of those! I'm in!
>>
>>65005008

CUMMIN

CUMMIN
>>
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>>65005008
>"I love the emotion, but you've got to give up this crying stuff," Corcoran told her. "The minute a woman cries, you're giving away your power. You have to cry privately."

>Bey countered by saying she thinks it takes "a type of strength to show this vulnerability."

>"No, no, no," Corcoran said. "Not in business. I'm sorry — not in business. I have hired men, women my whole life. When I get a woman who's crying, I refile her in my head in terms of potential because I don't trust her in terms of keeping a cap on her emotion."

>The only other female Shark, Lori Greiner, defended Bey, saying that Bey was caught in the moment and being genuine, which she appreciated. After Bey left the Tank, Kevin O'Leary added, "Don't cry for money. It never cries for you."
>>
>>65004325
Completely un-ironically, someone needs to make a subreddit for them
>>
>>65005284
Kill yourself
>>
WHERE'S THE PATENT?! WHERE'S THE PROPRIETARY?! WHAT'S STOPPING ME FROM MAKING ME OWN MEMES FOR HALF THE COST IN CHINA AND CRUSHING YOU LIKE THE COCKROACH YOU ARE?!
>>
>>65004325
>>65005284
Most of them end up on /r/4chan within 10 minutes or so

https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/419qot/tv_watches_shark_tank/
>>
bring back the instasync
dragon's den > shark tank
>>
>>65004044
That guy actually turned out to be pretty successful.
>>
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>>65005320
jesus christ they can't keep getting away with this
>>
>>65005311
>le quirky cockroach man
EBIN
>>
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>>65005354

>dragon's den

You want to look at this?
>>
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>>65001569

>Sometimes, when I least expect it, a strange feeling of elation comes over me. My face gets very warm. My heart begins to beat very fast, then very slow. My lips curve upwards to reveal the teeth within. The world pulsates. Angels sing. Things glow. The first time I felt this way, it was while in the embrace of my father. His hands were around my neck and he was crying because I had just bought out his business for pennies and driven him into bankruptcy. That was a good day. The second time I felt this feeling was the day my son was born. When I went to the hospital vending machine to buy a Twix, two fell out instead. That was an amazing day. What is the point of this anecdote, you ask? The point is this: when I look at your product, I don't feel that feeling. I don't feel anything besides disgust and overwhelming contempt. And for that reason, I'm out.
>>
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>>65005482
>implying I meant anything another than the canadian version
>>
>>65000424
>someone saved my pasta

I've never been so proud
>>
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>>64997593
>Alright. Here's what I'm willing to offer. $200,000 for 25% of your business on the condition that you play Jumanji with me.
>>
>As a young child I saw my Mother relentlessly beaten by my Father. I can still recall hearing her muffled screams through the walls of my bedroom as I lay trying to fall asleep. Some nights were worse than others, but I can recall the mornings my Grandmother would take me to school because my Mother couldn’t be seen in public. She would wear sunglasses and long sleeve shirts for weeks while the bruising and swelling slowly healed around her eyes and arms. I never understood how something as simple as an overcooked meal or dropped glass of wine in the living room could send my father into these inexplicable fits of rage; not until this very moment. Not until I saw your presentation. You are the stain on my fathers rug and I see no club soda nor salt to scrub you away. For an investment of 250,000 dollars I will retain 92% of your company with a lifetime of royalties and if you even for a second glance in Lori’s direction, I will personally crucify each of your children.
>>
>>65006096
Best one yet
>>
>>65006096
Holy shit dude that was dark
>>
>>65006096
based
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>>65006096

10/10, you are a wondrous memesmith
>>
>>65006096
pretty good but the last line confuses mark with kevin. mark is the one who gives them an ultimatum, kevin ends it with an insult

>YOU are that piece of ...
>like the ... you are
>>
>>65006096
posting this on r/4chan right now, dank meme anon
>>
>>65005320
>>65005984
and posted for karma.

everyone downvote this nigger
>>
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>I have no idea how this business stuff works so I'll pretend to be offended and say I'm out
>>
>>65000424
Topkek
>>
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>>65000424
>>65004202
>>65006096

>tfw tried writing something memeworthy for over an hour and it still sucked horribly.
>>
>Hi I'm Lori. I went to Pierce College and got a B
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someone post the Jeb pasta
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>>65006096

>Now that Robert has ceased his pathetic mewling for attention, listen to this offer. For an investment of $1 million and a simple $3 royalty on every item sold, I will transform your weak, pink flesh into an armored juggernaut of cruelty and destuction. The wealth and power of whole nations will be enslaved to your will, and the blood and tears of whole peoples shall sustain your growing power. I will teach you the first 17 Keys of Solomon in return for an additional 15% equity, to be negotiated when your will has been shackled to my own and you have lost your mortal weaknesses of morality and ethics. Additionally, whatever fetid bloodline springs from your loins shall be soulbound into my service from birth to death. The deal is off if your heartbeat shifts by more than 5 beats per minute when I finish speaking or you fail to abandon your faith in God this very second.
>>
>>65006096
Fantastic. I could never write anything as funny as This.

However the offer and true last sentence was pretty poor.

The anecdote is on point though
>>
>>65006745

You are talented.
>>
I have 30 episodes in my dvr and that makes me so happy
>>
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>>65006745
>>
>>65006745
Good writing, but forced. Try again, anon
>>
>>65007149
Let's see you do better, retard
>>
>>65000424
>tfw the Canadian economy is collapsing and Based Kevin has expressed interest in becoming the leader of the Conservative Party
The timing is perfect.

After 5 years of shit economy and le weed man, people will be begging for O'Leary.
>>
>>65006096
>I will personally crucify each of your children.
Fucking kek
>>
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>You know who came to me one day? Some guys with a very small idea. It was called Uber. I paid 300 million for Uber at a time when Uber was worth nothing (it was called Uber, by the way). Today Uber's worth billions and the name is Uber. I invested in Uber. Uber. Uber came to me. I'm an Uber investor. Something Uber. Billionaire. Uber. I'm out by the way.
>>
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>>65005311
>MFW they tell me they don't have a patent
>>
>it's a "Kevin wants to look cool and not like such a dick" episode.
>>
>>64997593
why do the other sharks always bully robert?
>>
>>65007484
He's weak and just wants friends
>>
>>65007472
>it's a kevin talks about his secret wine society episode

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ9AIqGyTgo
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>>65007484
He's a pup amongst grizzled sharks.
>>
Who else had a hard double take when this guy showed up?
>>
>>65007185
Can't take the criticism faggot? How about you go fuck off to Reddit where they'll support all your shit posting. But my point was that anon is an excellent writer, but he's not the best at shark posting
>>
>>65007484
he's a little beta bitch
>>
Someone post the one with the feminists.
>>
>It's a Roberts funds the project because it includes animals episode
>>
>>65007706
I'll repeat myself:

Let's see you do better, retard
>>
>>65006745

>I have to be perfectly honest, I've never had any experience with cybersecurity. In fact, I pay someone $75,000 a year to operate my personal electronic devices on verbal command rather than spend a single moment learning to interface with these devices. However, I haven't made a deal in over two seasons and I'm tired of watching Robert and Mark suck up the oxygen in the room, so I'll make you an offer right out of the gate: $250k for 12% of your business. If you take a deal from Cuban instead, I'll deflate slightly and glance at you wearily but otherwise do nothing.
>>
>>65007784
why do they even have him on the show?
>>
>>65007773
Critics don't necessarily need to do better. I'm who anon is trying to please alright? I can help make him better
>>
>It's a Kevin runs for office episode
>>
>>65007884
To give nig nogs a reason to watch
>>
>>65007884
Token black character
>>
Sharkposting is right in line with Vinceposting. Relies on creativity and only a few rise above the rest to become truly memeworthy.
>>
>>65007950
>nig nogs
back to /pol/ stormfag
>>
>>65006511

iktf tbqh familia
>>
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>>65008011

Someone saying nig nog destroys your precious little hugbox? Go back to reddit you nigger.
>>
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>>65007969
>Anon what I don't like, you're not full time on this deal. You're doing it around your job, which is not a very lucrative one, trying to banepost during the day and spewing off meme movie lines to your nonexistent friends during the night. Whose taking care of the sharkposting tabs? There's no full time person, it's an idea it's a product, so that's an issue. NO but look, I don't think your sharkposting can ever replace your full time income, which is absolute dog shit. I can't let you do that to your family. I'm sorry. I'm out.
>>
>>65005482

>victorian dragon's den

that was better than any shit version of faggot's den
>>
>>65008219

Please, I lost everything after the pepe market crash.
>>
>>65007950
>implying I watch this for him
>>
>>65008517
nigga plz
>>
who /copadivino/ here?
>>
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>A long time ago as a young man I was walking through Central Park by my lonesome. It was a beautiful night, light sounds of the city passing by, but otherwise quiet. As I strolled throughout the park toward my apartment I heard the muffled sounds of a woman screaming, and just a few yards away from me I came across a half nude woman with two men on top of her. We briefly made eye contact and I could see a look of complete desparation in her gaze, a call for help. I kept on walking. Her muffled screams got louder as she realized that there was no hero of this story, no one to save her from the arms of the men viciously having their way with her. She was a lost cause. I knew that even if I tried to help her there was nothing I could do to stop those men. Your strategy has yet to show ANY inkling of a profit, and frankly, your product has no market. You are that woman I couldn't help. And because of that, I'm out.
>>
>>65005320
>there are people who screenshot posts, upload them to imgur, and post them on reddit

they honestly must be pretty pathetic
>>
>>65008634

Nope, I'm /zipzwine/
>>
>>65008660
This is what I live for
>>
>>65006346

is this post satire?
>>
>>65007921
Let's see you do better or no deal.
>>
>>65008011
kek this butthurt
NIGGERS
>>
>>65008660
nice
>>
>>65003093
Make sure my company doesn't perform well enough to get her money back.
>>
>>65008660
>Cue to Robert breaking down in tears
>>
>>65003726
underrated post
>>
>>65008660
>>
>>65000424
>>65004202
>>65006096

10/10. I love these fucking threads so much.
>>
>>65009062
>>65009008
I only ever watched the Canadian version of this. Does he cry as much as on the murrican one?

Why is he fucking crying all the time?
>>
>>65009154
he is a kind and beautiful man
>>
>>65009154
cuz he a bitch
>>
>>65007884
Affermative Action.
>>
>>65002816
SSSHHHhEEeEeIIitTt
>>
>>65004044
is it an olympic sport yet?
>>
>>65003093
Only pissing and I wipe up with tongue options
>>
>>65005575
I don't know how everyone missed this.
>>
Have you ever had a $300,000 dinner? Let me tell you why that's important. Every year in June I take my private jet to my private resort in the middle of the Pacific. It is staffed by Maasai warriors who are captured from the plains of Tanzania and trained from birth to be the most obedient servants on Earth. Every year one of them is chosen to be cooked alive in a broth made from the bones of the extinct yellow river dolphin and garnished with the spices of a dozen plants so rare they are unknown to science. I am served at a solid diamond table where the Masai servents act as my chair and footstool. I have the smallest piece of meat carved from the cooked Masai, placed on my tongue, and then I spit it out into a bowl made of saffron. I do not do this because I enjoy the taste, but because it reminds me of my success. That discarded slice of dead Masai warrior has more chance of starting a successful business than you ever will, and for that reason I'm out.
>>
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>>65009888
jesus fucking christ
>>
>>65004044
Bulletball was actually more successful than any of the finalists' inventions.
>>
>>65006096
I present my butthole as tribute for this comment.
>>
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>>65009888
>>
>>65009999
>>
>mfw the four harpies bicker over a pitch for 15 minutes and when the entrepreneur feels like all hope is lost, Robert says "wait is Mark still in guys?"
>>
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>Once when I was a child, my father took me on a business trip to a small, unnamed island, off the coast of Southeast Asia. The only people that lived on this island were a small family of imported Japanese farmers and team of armed guards. You see, this island served as a production center for ShiGonWai bacon, the most coveted brand of bacon among the Chinese elite, and these farmers were the only ones that knew how to make it. Well anyway, my father and I were touring the compound, observing the livestock, when the youngest member of the farmer's family mouthed off to my father. No one mouths off to my father. He grabbed the child by his throat, spit in his eye, and threw him in the meat grinder where he belonged. Now, you're not the the boy in this story. The boy, I respected. He had guts. You're the fucking pigs, and you're going to realize that when you get slaughtered in retail. I feel sorry for you. I'm out.
>>
>>65010889
This is pretty good. Not great, but pretty good.
>>
>>65005575

megakek
>>
>>65010889
>I feel sorry for you

Nice try but O would never say this.
>>
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>>65009888
>>
The beard king girl was qt as fuck
>>
>I've just been trying remember the lyrics to the opening song of Good Times and have no idea what you're pitching. And for that reason, I'm out
>>
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>>65010955
>giving memes constructive criticism
>>
>>65011308
>implying memeing isn't a perfectly legitimate art form
>>
>>65011148
>trying remember the lyrics to the opening song of Good Times
>Not having them burned into his soul
Uncle Tom mother fucker
>>
>>65011388
Yes, satire is an art form
>>
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>>65009888
>>
>>64997593
Fuck I'd take that in a heartbeat Robert seems like a bro I'd like to hang out with him
>>
>>65011308
But anon, nothing I said was constructive.
>>
>>65007235
lmao, nice le weed man has only been in office for a couple weeks and /pol/ is already blaming him for the economy when the conservatives had power for almost 10 years
>>
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>>65005575
That is my Twix.
>>
>>65011735
I'm not blaming him at all, I simply said the timing is perfect.

Harper's government fucked up, but Trudeau will only make it worse.
>>
>>65011778
u know nothing about the canadian political landscape, nothing at all
>>
>>64997593

>Are you familiar with the term 'giffin good'? Of course not, you're a member of the underclass - proles if you will. A 'giffin good' is an object/otherwise who's sole value resides in its perceived worth and consequent appraisal among those of the ownership class. Above the marble buttresses supporting the 2,000 sq. metre lobby in my fourth chateau dwells a piece of modern art that I dutifully spent the GDP of a small nation on. I gaze upon it's incarnation not as a testament to its creativity but to how much wealth I can needlessly flush down the proverbial toilet without flinching. I can see you pondering as to the point of this story - let me tell you. Your product fails to even hypothetically inspire me to waste a single imaginary cent on its further transgression into a marketable ware. I feel nothing when I look at it, and even less when I look upon you. For that reason, I'm out.
>>
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>>65011958
>forgot pic
>>
>>65000424
>this man is going to be the next prime minister

Make Canada Great Again
>>
>>65000424
>>65004202
>>65005575
>>65006096
mememaestro tier

>>65006745
>>65008660
>>65009888
>>65010889
brettygood tier
>>
>>65011905
Nice argument, my friend.
>>
>Let me tell you something, the worst thing to ever happen to me was not making my first million before the age of 14. I was devastated that birthday, and from that moment on I vowed to crush any pathetic bugs that stood between me and my goals. Yet I see you here with the audacity to be enthusiastic about a business that is only making $100,000 net profit. But I'm feeling generous today, so I'm making you an offer. 99% of your business, you pay me $70,000 a year for the pleasure of working with me, and a $5 royalty on anything you ever produce in the rest of your miserable lives.
>>
>>65011735
>Canada elected a man who literally said "the economy will just recover itself"

Five weeks of a retard in office is five weeks too many
>>
>>65007784
Weird
>>
>>65012337
?
>>
This is art
>>
>You know, scientists just discovered that sharks can contract cancer. And that makes me happy. Because I don't consider myself a shark like the tide pool chum sitting next to me. I am that cancer, I am a malignant, incurable, disease that can strike at any moment, I am the biggest killer in the civilized world. Last year 20,000 of my employees died in the workplace, all I had to do was give the relevant government official 100 gold bars to look the other way. So here's my offer, 70% of your company and I'll call off the hitman I hired before we started filming. You have 20 seconds before he takes the shot.
>>
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>>65011308
>he thinks that's constructive criticism
>>
>>65007545
Holy shit, these memes are no joke kek
>>
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>>65012617
>>
>>65012722
memes are serious business
>>
>>65012645
>eatting

lol?
>>
>>65012617
wew
>>
>>65012617
>>
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>>65012617
>>
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>Alright - you've heard a couple offers now and you guys are smart to turn Kevin and Barbara down. Barbara will never understand the business and no offense, Kevin, but he'll suck you dry and recoup his investment and never give it a second thought. But you know what? I like you guys. You guys remind me of myself when I was younger, crashing on couches and eating ketchup sandwiches. After a few carefully staged IPOs, look at me now! I'm a billionaire, I own the Mavericks, and now I have two lovely daughters. So here it is - I want 900k for a 10% stake, which is way more than you asked for. I believe in you guys, and I know you'll use it well. There's a catch - both of you will become sexual playthings to the Mavericks after every home game, and secondly you have to babysit my daughters while I'm out in Vegas. If you break eye contact, the deal's off and I'll eat your pets. Now I'm a nice guy, so let's work together. Make the right choice.
>>
>>65012722
have not been on /pol/ recently memes come true now.
>>
>>65005320
>click the link
How do you even navigate reddit? What the hell am i looking at
>>
>Wait a second, I'm doing the talking here. When I see you it's like I'm a god looking down from mount Olympus and I see a microscopic fly buzzing around a piece of shit. If that fly so much as coughs in the direction of my mountain I'll destroy it in an instant. But if it stops fucking buzzing for a second and lets me trap it in a jar that I can keep around for my own amusement, I'll let it live. That's the choice you face. I want 100% of your company and if you refuse I'm copying your non-patented piece of shit design and flooding the market with Chinese knock-offs at a tenth of the price, just to teach you a lesson.
>>
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>I'm rich enough that I don't have to just take a dump. I can have the best dump money can buy. I sit on an air-conditioned, heated, solid gold rim, with a champagne mini-bar to my left and and a personal steak chef to my right. Each piece of my shit is flushed with water taken from a spring in the Italian Alps. Each turd is personally launched into orbit by a SpaceX rocket because I want to send out a message that even my shit is miles above what anyone else will ever achieve.
>>
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>>65014822
fuckin lol
>>
>>65014822

gold. solid gold.
>>
>>65014822
Is that an offer? Are you in?
>>
reposting all of these to reddit under the 4chan subreddit. check there for my post and upvote it!
>>
>>65004202
Outstanding.
>>
>>65015313
What's to stop me from posting these to my reddit and crushing you like the cockroach you are?
>>
>>65015438

Nope - already posting to imgur! pls upvohte
>>
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>When I married my dear Linda I took her to Italy for our honeymoon. I took her to the best restaurants and most exclusive parties in Roma. This one time I ordered the most rare Coffin Bay Oysters I could find on the menu and I washed it down with a bottle of champagne that once belonged to Pope Pius VII, it costed me a whole year of your company's profits. What I'm trying to tell you is that I fucking hate oysters, they make me sick to my core and I am actually allergic to them, so much so that the last time I ate some I had to shell out $300k only in accommodations to the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles for the privilege of staying at the imperial room in my bed with vicuna sheets while a team of 7 world-class doctors made sure I receive the best care. The only reason I ate Coffin Bay Oysters was to show my beloved new wife that I am a man that can get anything he wants from this world and that can offer to his family whatever their wish desires. Buying your product would show nothing of that to my wife or the rest of the world, while making me ten times as sick. Watching your pathetic pose while presenting this shameful offer disgusts me to the core. For that reason, I'm out
>>
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>>65015618
This meme is already a classic. This is what I come to this site for. Reddit doesn't have awesome shit like this.
>>
>>65015772
>Reddit doesn't have awesome shit like this.

It does now.
>>
Why can't you man children just enjoy something without bringing up the bogeyman?
This is worse than the Red Scare.
>>
>>65016017
It's the Red(dit) Scare. Scary time to be alive.
>>
>>65016017
fuck off back to reddit with your whining you faggot cuck niggerjew
>>
>>65016132
i'll show YOU reddit
*rips off pants*
yeah take that upvoting peenor !~!!
>>
>>65005202
she makes a good point. If you rely on using your emotions and pity points to gain things, then you wont go far in life due to most people in the upper brackets of life seeing through this pittiness.
>>
post lori
>>
>I have an apartment on the highest floor of the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. When the mood takes me I'll have one of the waiting staff strapped to a glider and flung from the top. If they survive and make it back up to my room they are gifted with a small gold ring. This ring grants them permission to sit outside the doorway of my country club where I will occassionally grant them permission to shine my shoes for a nickle. That shoe shiner has a more stable business model than you do. For that reason I'm out.
>>
>>65016419

this shit literally never gets old
>>
>Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours per week. To me you come across as more of an Inventor than an Entrepreneur and so for that reason, I'm out.
>>
>>65016419
lel
>>
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> I see that you have invented faster than light travel and a free energy device. I don't know how to peddle these on QVC, so for that reason I am out.
>>
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>What's your favorite NBA team? Oh, the Clippers? Y'know I fucking hate the Clippers. I dream about blowing out Deandre Jordan's knees with a .44 Magnum. sometimes, I imagine myself crucifying Deandre while the entire Clippers organization watches in horror. I masturbate to the thought of Steve Ballmer choking to death on his gourmet hamburger. So I will humor you and buy 95% of your company for $100,000 if you take a shit on the floor right now and name it Deandre Jordan.

>actually, forget it. you would take too long to shit, so for that reason, I'm out.
>>
>>65005575
>When I went to the hospital vending machine to buy a Twix, two fell out instead. That was an amazing day.
im dying help
>>
>I like your product, but can't see it being marketed to 80 year old dementia ridden grandmas on QVC, so for that reason, I'm out
>>
>>65002816
>I don't know if these shoes make you jump 200% higher and run 3000x faster but I can sell that, congratulations you got a deal
>>
>I really like your product. And I really like you! Thanks for letting me test it out first, too. That was really nice. Listen, even though I'm only in for 5%, I will provide you my personal email, cell phone, and 4 hour per week block for which I am all yours. I don't think anyone else on this panel can provide that type of personal, intense service. But I can. My father was an immigrant. Listen, you can shop for other offers...thats fine! Thats why you came here. But when they start complaining over percentage points and distribution models, remember me. Please. Remember me. Come to me. I'm still in for this. I want this.

>>I'll give you 10k for 45% and throw in a pair of Mavericks tickets.
>>>Mr. CUBAN OMG I FORGOT YOU WERE STILLL INNNN ITS A DEALLLLLL
>>
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>>65017311
>>>>I FORGOT YOU WERE STILLL INNNN
I'm out.
>>
>>65017311
It's the only guy on the show that doesn't come off as a typical crazy type A American
>>
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>>65017311
>it's a Robert has an emotional story about his parents episode
>>
>>65008011
>I'm offended

Go blog about it nigger faggot kike
>>
>>65017420
Oh I will. We were able to take out fatpeoplehate and install our people in charge of reddit. we'll have no problem neutering this site.
>>
>it's a cubes episode
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trR7EGWBQgg
>>
>>65017527
To be fair his face does look like a fucking cube
>>
>>65017484

Just like you had no problem raping/pillaging your way across rightfully contested territories - no doubt.

>It's said that Hitler left some of you around so the rest would know why he attempted genocide
>>
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This product will revolutionize how the world memes. I just need some extra capital to invest in getting my system out there. I've already put all of my money in this business.
>>
Just so we're clear.

Kevinposting > Robertposting > Daymondposting > Loriposting > Cubesposting
>>
>>65004325
>memes
>>
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>>65017677
Get off the PC, Kevin
>>
>>65005354
It really is a shame they all left
>>
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This character was supposed to be Mark Cuban, right?
>>
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>Do you think you have what it takes to make it in this line of business? Did you know that there's at least one piece of of gum under at least one seat on every train in this city? Do you know what connects you, your product and that piece of gum? It's that everybody knows that it's always going to be there, but nobody ever looks for it or wants it. And for that reason alone I'm out.
>>
>>65016419
With extreme prejudice?
>>
>it's an Arlene has to do some kinky shit with Kevin episode
>>
>>65017921

He gets close to this visceral on the show but man I'd love to see a season where Kevin's contract has an "anything he says/goes" clause.

>he would actually be saying this shit and far worse
>the guy that has already publicly stated that 3.5 billion people starving is a good thing
>>
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>Entrepreneur hands out samples to the Sharks
>"And I have a Mavericks-themed one for Mr. Cuban!"
>>
>>65012313
He literally never said that.
>>
>>65017387
He's not American. Neither is Kevin, for that matter
>>
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STARTING SHARKTANK MARATHON AS SOON AS WE GET 5 VIEWERS OR SO

http://instasync.com/r/DUCKTART
>>
Shark Tank marathon: http://instasync.com/r/DUCKTART
>>
>>65014141
He would be so much funnier if he could curse.
>>
>>65005994
im glad im not the only one
>>
>>65014822
TOP KEK
>>
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>>65017411
It's a Robert wants to show off that he's the fittest man in the room episode
>>
>>65005461
story ?
>>
>>65019321
It's Bulletball.
>>
kevin o'leary net worth - $400 million

>sold his company to mattel for $4.2b

>Sales and earnings for Mattel soon dropped, and O'Leary departed from Mattel and received $5 million in severance pay. The purchase by Mattel was later called one of the most disastrous acquisitions in history.[38] Though O'Leary had signed a contract to stay with Mattel for three years, six months after the deal closed O'Leary was fired. Following the acquisition, Mattel experienced a USD$105 million loss where management had projected a US$50-million profit. This caused Mattel's stock to crash, wiping out USD$3 billion of shareholder value in a single day. Mattel's shareholders later filed a class-action lawsuit accusing Mattel execs, O'Leary, and former TLC CEO Michael Perik of misleading investors about the health of TLC and the benefits of its acquisition.

he always leaves out the part where he lost his ass cause most of it was in stock
>>
>>65008011
this hurts the knuckle dragger
>>
https://youtu.be/AHBLPW2m_Tc?t=5m37s

Is there anything he can't do?
>>
>>65019589
grow hair
>>
>>65019372
Fucking Bulletball

It didn't become an olympic sport tho
>>
>>65008011
/pol/ definitely infects other boards and is an annoyance
that said, someone saying "nignog" has nothing to do with that at all
>>
>>65019589
get a royalty in perpetuity
>>
>>65000424
Every fucking time lmao
>>
>>65019589

Be pleb
>>
>>65000424
>>65004202
>>65005575
>>65005994
>>65006096
>>65006745
>>65008660
>>65009888
>>65010889
we did it guys we finally transcended baneposting. banefags on suicide watch, it had a good run but sharkposting is best posting and kevinposting is best of the best.
>>
>>65018811
That stream is fucking cancer, theres two guys that will not stop posting memes, just shut the fuck up
>>
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>>65020013

>prima nocte rights

every fucking time
>>
Hey guys

I heard you like QVC
>>
>>65019931
My bad, it did. A senior olympics sport but an olympic sport nonetheless
>>
Let me ask you, have you ever killed a man? Have you ever stood before a fellow human and looked them right in the eyes and willfully taken their life? I have, and I remember it vividly. I was at a private dinner with my wine club and we paid someone to deliver us a slave for us to do as we please. Now we are not sadistic people, we did not torture him, we did not humiliate him, we simply let him watch as we drank and made conversation. When the night came to an end we looked at him and we told him he was going to die. He looked upset but he had already figured out that was going to be the result of his stay. I grabbed the knife off the table and I stood over him silently as I placed the knife into his chest. I am getting the same mood here in this room as I was that night, and make no mistake I do enjoy it, but I wasn't about to give the man I stabbed to death more than $5,000 for 10% of his company, and I'm not going to give you any better treatment.
>>
>>65020501
fuck
>>
>>65012617
>that last line
Holy fuck you had me laughing like no one else in the thread
>>
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>>65006096

>it's a kevin dives into darkness episode
>>
>>65020501
>I wasn't about to give the man I stabbed to death more than $5,000 for 10% of his company
Not bad
>>
Kevin makes Ayn Rand look like a bleeding heart socialist in comparison
>>
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>>65009999
>>
>>65005202

I feel like I'm in the minority but I love Barbara. She can occasionally go for the sob stories, but for the most part she seems extremely reasonable. I wish she was my mother.
>>
>>65009225

It is funny that Barbara, Lori and Daymond are the rotating chairs. Literally the token seats.
>>
>>65018118

>Money themed for Kevin
>Mavericks themed for Mark
>Car themed for Robert
>Real estate themed for Barbara
>Fried chicken themed for Daymond
>>
>>65007113
Why does this look so unnatural?
>>
>>65004044
>If you've sold everything, what do you have now
>I have bulletball.
>>
Why does Kevin get all the greentexts? Mark is the richest guy there.
>>
>>65021638
You should lurk more newfriend
>>
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>>65009999
>Bulletball
>>
>>65005984
I read it to my dad when you originally posted it and he laughed hard.
>>
>its a mark goes out first episode
>>
>tfw the editors give your pitch the "wacky" music
>>
>>65021638

Because Kevin is legitimately fucked in the head in the most comedic, sadistic ways. With the best ones you can hear him say it
>>
>>65021638
he's the only one playing a character
>>
>>65011958
>>65011998
As an econfag I feel compelled to point out that what you are referring to is not a giffin good, but rather a veblen good.

Unless that was the point..
>>
>You know, your time spent in front of us reminds me of something. It reminds me of a small fishing village near one of the many luxurious mansions i own, all over the world. One night, after a crab dinner and half a bottle of $1000 wine, i decided to take a short walk through the village, as if to live among the common man. As i came upon they beach, i saw a small boat quickly being pulled into the water. Then i heard the struggle of an old man, that had been caught in the crack of the vessel. He saw me and tried to call out, in some language i can't be bothered to learn or even remember. Soon, water filled his mouth and all i heard was bubbles. What i do remember is, as the water swallowed him, and the last glimpse of the boats hull sank from view, his troubles were no longer with his slow, but inevitable fate to slip into the crushing embrace of Poseidon. No, his fate had become much worse. You see, in his struggle of thrashing and screaming to free himself, he had attracted 2 Tiger Sharks. As a fisherman, he had preyed on them for years, feeding his family and scratching out a living, if that's what you can even call it. Now, they had him. He was now the prey. They circled, and nipped, got the scent of blood in the water, and delighted in his fear. Then they simply left him, bloodied and drowning. Afraid. Do you see where I'm going? You are that fisherman, and your business is the ship. I am the shark you attracted. I can end your suffering and buy your sinking ship, just to put more holes in it, so you know who's the shark in this room. Instead, I've circled and wasted your time, as you've wasted mine. I'm out.
>>
>>65006511
My best shit was done quickly
>>
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>>65014822
KEK
>>
>>65021904
Holy shit.
>>
>because the Mavericks have no shot at getting to the NBA finals, I'm out
>>
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GET IN HERE NIGGERS
http://instasync.com/r/DUCKTART
>>
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>There is actually a story I have to tell you that is closely related to that. I was born in a small village. I was still a child when we were raided by soldiers - foreign soldiers. Torn from my elders I was made to speak their language. With each new post my masters changed along with the words they made me speak. With each change - I changed too. My thoughts, personality, How I saw right and wrong... Words can kill. Time and time again the country was ruled by a foreign tongue. There was this boy, when he was a young child he lost his native language. The bedrock for any developing child. His country, His family, His face - His identity. Everything was stolen from him. I was that boy. Since ancient times every civilizations ruler has had the same idea. When people unite under one will - they become stronger than the sums of their parts. And what do rulers use to bring people together? Language. This world will become one - I have found the way. Race, Tribal affiliations, National borders. Even our faces will be irrelevant. The world that Lori envisioned will finally become a reality. And it will make mankind whole again... America is a country of liberty. A meeting of immigrants. Instead of simply assimilating its citizens live alongside others. So Robert sought a system that used information: Words - To control the subconscious. In his eyes the greatest symbiotic parasite the worlds ever known isn't microbial - it's linguistic. Words are what keep civilization, our world - alive. Free the world, Not by taking mens lives. But by taking their tongues. With this i'll rid the world of infestation. Sans Lingua Franca - The world will be torn asunder, And then it shall be free. The chain of retaliation is what will truly bind this world together as one. So do you agree to these terms or do you choose to be on the wrong side of history?
>>
>I fancy myself a survivalist. But the difference between me and some piss drinking yoke in a shack? I put my knowledge to good use. Case in point, I started Kevin's Kid Kamp in 1997, and each year we go into the wilderness to practice survival. The age range of the boys is usually 11-14, and we stay outside for about a month. During this time, we also take a young refugee child with us, under the guise of empathy. In reality, the other boys take turns belittling the child, burning him with cigarettes, et cetera. After an hour or so, one boy will go too far and kill the child.

>This boy is singled out, and permitted access to my tent and carnal knowledge of Sufti, my man servant. This is not a sexual conquest, but a power conquest. The lucky boy is then re-introduced to the others, who are informed that what stands before them is no longer a boy but a man.

>You? You've never been in the wilderness for a minute. I can smell the stink of civilization on you--aftershave and fast food--and if my willpower was not so strong that I have not had an involuntary bodily reaction since 1986, I would literally vomit. The newly minted men of Kevin's Kids Kamp would absolutely destroy you.

>3% for 97% of your company, and for the rest of your life you fulfill Sufti's duties as a rapehole for troubled preteens. If you blink in the next 45 seconds this offer is accepted without question.
>>
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>>65022337
>>
>>65022346

10/10 lump it in with the other mememasters at the top of the thread.
>>
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>>65008660
>>
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>>65012617
>>65014822
>>65016891
>>65017311
>>
>>65022346
Magnificent.
>>
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>At this point I'm so rich I've transcended both the need and the need for, and the understanding, of money. At one point the balance of my bank account was so large it caused a stack overflow in the banks software, causing it to crash. I don't even know what that means but the bank went out of business and I accidentally bought it due to a software error.
>I started to do all my transactions in precious metals, but gold is heavy and I haven't lifted anything heavier than my wallet since 1996. I started hiring slaves to carry around bars of gold for me. However, I ran out of both gold and slaves, so I now do my business in the most precious currency of all - love.
>For 51% of your company, I promise to love you forever and ever. Kiss me and make this deal official.
>>
>>65023715
51% to be best friends with Robert forever? Count me in.
>>
the Malderiki kevin story is the GOAT
>>
>>65003726
Underrated as fuck
>>
This is the greatest thread in the history of /tv/
>>
>>65024274
We had this thread yesterday newfag

Also this thread exists >>64856791
>>
>>65022337
what
>>
>>65024332
There's new material posted in this thread
>>
I love these.
>>
>>65003093
I'd do that for free
>>
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>Before you consider my offer you should know that the last person who stood up to me was the producer of this show. He died in an unrelated accident and I purchased a 60% stake in the production company, which means I own this show, in this room I am God. And I'm running this particular episode in a late-night slot just so we can broadcast me saying what a fucking, cocksucking amateur you are, and if you refuse this offer you are quite literally dead to me.
>>
mfw when this thread is kill

/tv/ memers ain't what used to be
>>
>>65028677
>I don't like your attitude, anon, you're a quitter. If you want to get ahead in business you have to be prepared to perform third trimester abortions with your teeth. You need to work 500 hours a day and destroy the life of anyone who'll ever inconvenience you in the slightest way. That's why you'll never succeed and for that reason I'm out.
>>
>>65021904
Just great.
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>>65021638
the jewnose, probably
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>when I was at my summer house in the Solomon Islands I employed a family of Polynesians to tend to the needs of the grounds, one evening I discovered my favourite white rhinoceros' horn missing, I took a machete that one of the savages used on the trees and removed the youngest ones hands as a lesson. It turned out id just misplaced the horn but I taught those Polynesians a lesson in business that day. The question is: are you that mutilated child or are you the machete. I want 80% of your business for $5000 and the indentured servitude of your first born son and for your wife to join my harem, if you so much as break eye contact then I will make it my life's goal to destroy every last part of your product
>>
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>>65021904
>>
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I would kill to see Tim and Eric pitching Cinco products to the Sharks.
>>
Why is Kevin so based?
>>
I love sharkposting.
>>
>>65030413
I feel like that pic is Obama's moods since 2008
>>
>>65032221

Do a shit job get shit outcomes. How is this hard to understand? I should crush you like the cockroach you are.
>>
>>65032305
If someone shits the bed and you get into it, it's not your fault the bed is covered in shit.

>cuckservatives will forever pretend that George W Bush didn't happen for 8 years
>>
>>65030400
Fucking kek
>>
>Do you know why I hunt panda, Tubby?
>uh, actually my name is Tob-
>Exhale in my direction again and I will hold you down, force open your mouth and slowly insert my shoe into your throat until you suffocate on something with more value than your entire family tree. Now what is your name?
>...Tubby.
>Tubby, im out because a real man would have said thank you.
>>
>>65032483

I voted for KingNig in 08 you pleb cumstain. He's a nigger continuation of the previous idiot
>continues re-signing Patriot Act
>signs Monsanto Protection Act
>fails to re-instate Glass-Steagall or even mention it
>signed NDAA
>signed us into a 1.1 trillion dollar debt via continued TARP bailouts
>continually shits on the 2ndA with his ignorant 1stA rhethoric

Kill yourself you worthless fuck.
>>
>>64997645
I used his driveway to turn around once.
>>
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>How long do you think it took me to choke the negroid waiter who gave me the Romanee-Conti instead of the Scharzhofberger Riesling I ordered? Trick question. I didn't choke him. I drowned him in my AnQi Phở. And it took a while. And you know what I felt as he flapped and flailed against my palm which was firmly clamped over his simian skull? Not much. But I felt a hell of a lot more than I feel for the drivel you’re vomiting into my ears right now. I’m out. Out of patience. Out of time. And out of bullets. Which is the only reason you’re still breathing right now.
>>
>>65032821
You seem angry, friend.

I actually never had an issue with NDAA, drones in yemen, gitmo, any of that shit. Of course there's no way you could have known that, but thanks for the wild assumptions.

I'm fairly conservative in matters of national security, and I think the reality of the situation is that Obama took office, saw that sometimes to be safe you have to be a little shady, and took the lesser of two evils. After all, there hasn't been a major, coordinated terror attack (outside of Boston bombing) in the US since 9/11 for a reason.

Most of the issues I have with him are Obamacare doesn't have a public option, he waited too long to do anything about the economy in 2009 and I agree with you in reference to Glass-Steagall (though I'm sure he's mentioned it before, if only in passing).

Tl;dr-Obama is exactly what I wanted in a president but has some missteps.
>>
I love these threads, I now have the will to get through the rest of this shitty job today
>>
Why are /tv/ memes the best on this site?
>>
>>65002816
t. Alberto Barbosa
>>
i'll give you the full 250k for 0% of the business, but i still hate you, fuck off
>>
>>65035206

Because like vinceposting, sharkposting forces you to be creative and as a result gets some of the best material this site has ever produced. a lot of the ones in this thread are too similar and aren't that funny, but a few are perfect.
>>
>>65035434
This one is my favorite of the bunch >>65015618
But yeah, a lot of try hards, Kevin's not supposed to be edgy.
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