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> I would say the same thing, just to...
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You are currently reading a thread in /tv/ - Television & Film

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> I would say the same thing, just to be polite. Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. They take a movie “The Last Samurai.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai. We got 450,000 phone calls [laughs] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.
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>>64986002
Is he te biggest pathological lier ever?
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>According to Mr. Seagal, he’s a former Navy SEAL. It’s unclear where the Stout Sensei served, could it have been in Vietnam? Wait, no, that was when he was serving with the CIA. Anyhow, Seagal had been telling former business partner and ex-soldier Gary Goldman that he’d been a Frogman. Goldman was suspicious. Then one day, when pal Randy Widner invited both out to dive for treasure, Goldman’s suspicions only grew more.

As he relayed: “Randy was driving [a Zodiac raft] in circles while Steven and I carried the gear out to him. The surf was unbelievable, really tough… He started screaming and panicking and was sure he was going to die and all that crap. Wildner had to pull Seagal by his hair; I pushed his ass onto the boat with my shoulder.” That night Goldman realised that Seagal could not read a compass nor a map. He then concludd that Seagal “would surely die of starvation if he was given a compass and a map that led to a restaurant five miles away.”
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb676H0q5eg
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But isn't Ken Watanbe the last samurai, not Cruise's character?
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>>64986002
Literally "Navy Seal Copypasta" the man
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>>64986002
I'm going to take you to the bank, OP.
The blood bank.
DUNDUNDUN
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>>64986002
Hes just mad that tom cruise isnt a washed up loser.
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>>64986002
>ex CIA
>Putins best buddy
>Putin is ex KGB
>Black belt in Aikido
>Honorary black belt in Judo, Karate & Shibari
>Mongolian descent
>Buddhist god
>Katana Collection
>American-Italian
>weekend Sheriff deputy Chief
>Has Mafia friends
>Trains Russian Special Forces
>Japanese heritage
>Music artist
>loves animals & nature
>knows ancient Japanese wisodws
>Worlds best 1911 shooter
>Worlds best Katana fighter
>Honorary Russian Citizen
>Slavic heritage
>Fluently speaks 12 languages

this guy is fucking based!
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Seagal being an ultrahard badass apparently own a tailor made tuxedo that is designed to fit two 1911 pistols in.

Apparently Seagal needed to be armed at the Oscar event in case he would attacked while accepting his award on the stage.
>>
Based Sensei.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkskuSXqUD0
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He also trained silva and many other ufc fighters
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>>64986022
He is in Hollywood. And that says a lot.
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>>64986082
>tfw his excuse was literally 'I am a little autistic with numbers'
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>>64986002
thread theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=338D3HTto6M
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>>64986182
Holy shit I wish Van Damme would challenge him again
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>>64988072
Anon pls my sides
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>>64989377
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v4-zYghodc
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>>64989515
goddamn imagine the amount of mid eastern pussies he got
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>>64989567
Look how fat he is.
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>>64989515
Jesus that's even worse than Tarantino's dance.
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>>64989238
No he fucking didn't, he pays fighters to be in their corners. There's videos of Silva and his team mocking him.
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Didn't his first Japanese waifu say he only got the black belt because the referee fell asleep?
That is hysterical and so fucking Japanese for some reason.
She also said he cried when the Yakuza was after him.

>>64989686
Post it.
Where does he take the money to pay them?
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>>64986276

all the samurai in the film are the last samurai

samurai is a plural

people just think it means Cruise's character because they're a bit dumb
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>>64986002
whatever segal you totally abandoned your qt waifu there for a disgusting whore
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>>64986276
many mistook it though
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>>64989515
maybe he wasn't so fat and wore a proper attire maybe it wouldn't look too awkward
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>>64989584
at least tarantino knows how to move his body
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>>64989941
Go away, Quentin.
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>>64990112
How can you have this in front of you and not fucking laugh holy shit
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>>64990153
It's not nice to laugh at autists
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What do you think about Seagal and Putins friendship?

Seagal is ex CIA and Putin is ex KGB. coincidence?
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>>64989817
but they literally made him the last samurai
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>>64990402
Putin is just making fun of Obama
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>>64990304
I wish we had more behind the scenes of insanely iconic moments in film.
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>>64986022
He'd be up there. I wonder if he actually believes the shit he vomits out?
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>>64989781
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_TRdFSKGFU
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>>64990402
I wonder if it would be possible to persuade Putin to appear in a buddy cop film with Seagal?
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>>64990402
Jesus Christ, he is fucking spherical
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>>64989515
This looks like Mac from It's Always Sunny's idea of dancing
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>>64990542
It would be like a Terence Hill & Bud Spencer remake.
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>>64986022
He is 'that kid', only he somehow made his way into Hollywood
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>>64989781
www.mmamania.com/2013/9/12/4723850/anderson-silva-distance-steven-seagal-training-ufc-168

Chael Sonnen said that he pays fighters to be around them. Chael does lie quite a bit though.
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>>64990532
Are those even the same guys?
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>Anybody seen Richie?!
>Anybody know why Richie did Bobby Lupo?!
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>>64990542
Why not just have a camera follow Putin everyday.

Putin literally lives the everyday life that Seagals lives in his movies. Constant assassination attempts, taking down terrorist cells, saving Russia from its enemies and being a badass machoman who rides a motorcycle with Russian hellsangels.
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>>64990626

Most accurate summation of the man I've ever read.
>>
>whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care.

And he shouldn't, since the greatest warlord ever lived, Oda Nobunaga, was pounding his general's (Ranmaru Mori) boypussy hard all day every day.
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>>64990626
this
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>yfw CockPuncher is Steven Seagal's best movie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_xuf9KjmcA
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He's so full of bullshit, it's insane.

I love his direct-to-tv movies because of the crazy they get, and they get really crazy.
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>>64986182
Jesus Christ, he probably believes it too.
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>>64990701
Aww, look at Dobby trying to act human.
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>>64990153
Politeness
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>>64991114
i can't believe he agreed to do this.
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I feel like he's just mentally retarded and everyone around him has been trying to keep this fact hidden from him his whole life.
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>mfw he now has serbian citizenship
P-pls be my country's president s-senpai
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>>64990402
>this is putin wearing his five inch lift shoes
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>>64990626
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>>64991156
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14
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>>64990452
nothing in the movie said that he became a samurai
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>>64991582
If Steven Seagal says so then it is so

Seagal's word is the law
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>>64986002
He's sounding like Donald Trump there
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>>64992023
woah i didn't know he had reality alternating powers
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>tfw luposting never caught on
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This is a funny ass story about Steven getting choked out and shitting his pants: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuqpR7BK3M0
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>>64992072
Seagal knows ancient Japanese wisdow and witchcraft

Same ancient wisdow he used to grow his hair back
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>>64986002
I want to like promote him as a meme, but even bigger meme actors hate him so I do too
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>>64990509
yeah I never realized how cool it is
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>>64990701
Vladimir Putin is a very poor example of a leader. He's homophobic, which means that his fear of what he doesn't understand manifests itself in other ways, such as the need to control what others think and do and, one would imagine, infrequent bouts of rage. It would also come as a complete lack of surprise to me, if he was also impotent.

Such a pathetic, fearful manlet (and possible latent-homosexual) in control of one of the world's most-powerful nations, presents a veritable threat indeed to not only neighbouring countries, but the entire world.
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>>64992662
I agree he is not the best leader, but you are a fucking retard
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>>64992662
>ex KGB assassin
>martials arts expert
>Lead interrigator for GRU in Afghanistan
>tortured mujahideens
>earned the name "Shalashaska"
>Most badass man in Russia
>Loves freedom
>has saved Russia dozen times
>ISIS fears him
>owns Lada
>speaks English
>Hunts

Putin could kill you in a instant second and would crush your pathetic weak western country like a bug
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>>64991385
Believe me man, we hate that prick here, and what happened is not a surprise considering how fucking supid our government is
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>>64992662
Thats some butthurt homosex right there.
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>>64992662

>Some random Russian leader on his way out more of a danger to the world than fags infecting everyone with AIDS.

U tried my mane
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>>64992662
>this is how gays justify their supreme fagginess
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>>64992662
>Being this much of a faggot
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>>64991385
>>64992815
Seagal came to your country to train your Serbian Police Special Forces

he will teach your police officers all kind of cool stuff like Aikido, maskmanship, hostage rescue tactics, counter intelligence and many cool stuff he learned in CIA
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He literally is the Dan BIlzerian of the martial arts industry
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>>64992981
Unfortunately, that really happened, but anyone here in right mind saw what kind of a shitshow it actually was. Our (literally) mentally ill prime minister puts up with his shit just like we put up with his. I personally blame fucking russians for that delusional douchebags "fame" here
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>>64993035
>Seagal is ex CIA and martial arts god and a soul warrior.
>Dan Bilzern is ex SEAL and poker god and a playboy.

they both are badasses
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>>64992792
Russiaboos are literally worse than furries
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I'm in fucking tears at this thread.
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>>64992662
>He's homophobic,
It's normal for every Russian criminal upraised in 80s. It was in crimnal code big ritualistic chunk of it, it still is though west tolerance start to erode its hardcorness (back in the days kissing whore on the lips or doing any oral sex with wife would make you gay in the others eyes, today it is don't ask don't tell policy). You should understand the environment and don't try to judge everyone by your US millennial standards.
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>>64993580
first seagull thread?
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>>64993611
>what
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>>64993580
are you new? we get one shitgal thread every month and this thread hasnt reached deep shit yet
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>>64993688
>>64993615
I've actually been here for a few years, but everytime I see a Seagal thread, I can't fucking control myself. Maybe I'm autistic.
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literally the GOAT action hero
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>>64993670
http://www.eurasianet.org/node/76726
Putin started his career as Adidas wearing squatting thug.
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>>64994880
Putin actually started his career in KGB.

He spent his youth in the mean streets of Moscow and he was recruited by the KGB when a KGB officer saw Putin and saw the potential in Putin. He was trained to become a assassin and soon became the worlds most deadliest hitman in the world.

Its all in Putin's own book
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>>64992662
You're describing Obama, not Putin
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>>64992792

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FRVOPGwXf0

Putin also speaks german
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>>64993580
>“He said Seagal is calling [Irwin] and he’s all shook up on the other side, and Irwin’s like, ‘…Are you crying?’. [Segal] is like, ‘Yes, I’m crying… I just read the script. It’s amazing! It’s brought me to tears… It’s unbelievable.’”
>Irwin, excited to learn who wrote the script, asked “Master” Seagal who wrote it.
>“[Seagal] goes, ‘I wrote it.'”

Only Seagal can make Seagal cry
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>>64995060
>it's all in Putin's own book

It must be true.
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>>64995060
>Putin actually started his career in KGB
It was after he become street thug. His career started in judo dojo with sensei been illegal currency trader (posh specialty in 70- 80s). By his origin and intellectual abilities Putin could not enter prestigious Leningrad State University. He studied there as athlete student. His most close inner circle people are dated back to that dojo or University study times.
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>>64989686
Pretty sure that's the joke anon.

Pretty sure every MMA personality hates him and makes fun of him except for Ariel Helwani, who unironically calls him sensei.
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>>64986002
>They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care.

Yeah, that doesn't sound like a Samurai at all.
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>>64991114
lol
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>>64986299
Underrated post
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someone post the story about segal ducking van damme when he challenged him twice
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>>64986002
>everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?”
Come on Steven, nobody said that.
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>>64992423
no, I'm pretty sure he just uses that hair-in-a-can spray shit
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>>64986002
Imagine the Last Samurai with Segal, at the end with all the gatling guns just constantly missing because the soldiers are shitting themselves.
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>>64988453
I've heard this story but what fucking award at the oscars did steven segal win? They only give out oscars at the oscars and he's never won shit.
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>>64986002

Funny cuz I loved The Last Samurai.
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>>64992662
Fuck off fag, your fetish is disgusting to every normal person and you'll all be getting kicked back into the closet soon enough.
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