>he doesn't use a LED pen to jot down his wortheless notes
For me, absolutely. I also make a point of taking a "business phonecall" in the middle of the viewing and telling my employer that I'm in the movie right now and should have the review with him by tomorrow morning. Also helps to tut and shake my head at key plot points before writing something down.
I like to bring my laptop. I sit down near the front, of course, with my screen brightness turned all the way up so I can see what I'm typing. I suffer from cerebral palsy so I type using my entire upper body and frequently use the backspace key. (Unless the movie gets to a quiter point, then I use Speech to Text.)
> he doesn't dress in full combat gear and bring an AR 15 to the cinema
You can subtly wipe them on their clothes afterwards. I've even done it when they were on the rag. Poor whore probably had to walk around with blood stains all over her shirt for the rest of the day.
>He doesn't dump his popcorn and drinks all over the floor for poor people to clean up once the movie is over
>going to the cinema and not using the private booths so you dont have to sit next to crying babies and talkative teenagers
I usually bring my own little popcorn machine, you can always finda a power outlet.
It's cheaper than buying popcorn in the cinema and sometimes people buy it from me because they don't want to leave the movie right now.
>he doesn't pour the accumulated piss from his bottle into random seats as the movie ends
>he doesn't get his gf to sneak shower gel in her purse
>he pays the shower attendant
I write down all my predictions for the movie as they come to me, then fold them up to prove I wasn't cheating; then when they come true I nudge the person next to me and unfold it, showing them how smart I am.
Also a notepad is good for writing down characters' names in case you forget them, and to count the number of cuts with tally marks.
>he doesn't have an hour-long imaginary conversation about it with The Cinema Snob afterwards
>He doesn't bring in his own chair to sit at the bottom corner of the screen so the rest of the audience can see him reacting live
>count the number of cuts with tally marks.
usually every ten minutes or so i do a quick calculation on how many cuts per minute there have been to that point in the movie so i know how good it is. sometimes if i think they're interested i'll update the folks sitting on either side of me.
Oh wow, this thread is bringing back memories
>The guy who checks your ticket at my local cinema also has the power to check your bags for outside food
>Can't watch a movie without snacks
>Tfw I shoved a bag of M&Ms up my ass to try and bypass the draconian rule
>End up getting nervous and farting M&Ms out all over the lobby floor
>Ticket guy chases me out the building while brandishing a mop
Not going back there desu
Seriously though I have a weekly fun of pissing and shitting in the cinema. Most times I just go to empty sessions and piss all over the chairs. But there were this time when I was almost alone in the room, except for two or three couples so I put my pants down and shat on a chair. I took a piece of the cardboard from the popcorn bag and smeared all that shit in two more chairs, making sure that the shit leaked into the foam.
That shit was so cash. I fapped to the toughts of a poor girl having to clean my mess.
I really enjoy entertaining people so I usually look up some trivia about the movie before I watch it and tell the rest of the audience about it during the movie.
People seem to enjoy it because they always give me free food, even people from the seats in the back offer me free food by throwing it to me. People are lazy these days!
Anyway cinemas should really offer this as a service to entertain people during the movie.
>he doesn't bring his Sennheiser headphones and listen the audio track with perfect quality and 0 noise through the telecoil
>he doesn't bring lube and tube socks to the cinema for masturbating
>Midnight screening of Twister(1996)
>Ticket says you're sitting in row right foot green, right hand yellow, left foot yellow, left hand red
>he doesn't shot memes and make meme faces during the movie or film
>he doesn't empty the ketchup dispenser out onto the floor and lay in it to act like he's been killed
>they aren't part of an organization dedicated to ruining movies by pulling fire alarms
this was us
>his cinema offers popcorn refills
I'm jelly. Where?
HOLY SHIT THAT'S GENIUS.
>tfw finally able to watch Chlomo movies alone without being >that guy
>tfw having done the popcorn trick
2bh if you haven't you never lived
>he doesn't bring a typewriter to the cinema
>tfw I scream "I KNEW IT" when something happens like I expected it
>tfw genuinely can't stop
>tfw laughing überhard when watching movies with family
>he doesn't bring a fishing rod for the cinema pond
>he doesn't whack his fish with his own mallet
>he doesn't descale his fish, chuck the fish eye balls at the cinema dancing troupe when they fail to keep in time with the dialogue
> That's gotta hurt!
>It's...gotta hurt! Hurt! Because...Aaarrrrrgh!
>Damn you, laser guy! You had to grab it all with your lowbrow laser shtick! You're just a prop comic! Where's the craft?!
>he doesn't bring a pet rock to "accidently" drop on other people's feet
>he doesn't go round in the cinema during his spare time ensuring that flick plebs stay in line and do not break the rules
>he doesn't respond when questioned on his employment to the establishment with "it's a volunteer position"
>he doesn't smuggle a pig under his hoodie to fondle during the love scenes
>he doesn't realise that his pathetic pet "rock" is nothing compared to the pain of someone dropping his pet stone on someone foot
>tfw phone is all sticky after the celebratory champagne shower
>he doesn't discuss movies with borderline autistic people online
>he doesn't pirate the movie beforehand, then watch it on his phone as the movie is playing
>cinema orchestra is too loud
>can't see the fucking screen anymore
WHO EVEN CAME UP WITH THIS STUPID IDEA?
>he doesn't yell out "THATS GOTTA HURT" whenever a blimp explodes to an uproar of laughter from the audience
>he doesn't put his cape on before the movie starts
>he didn't bring his xylophone to entertain other patrons during the intermission
>he doesn't bring firecrackers to the cinema
>He brought his laptop to the cinema to call people dumb frogposters while watching spike lee's newest joint
>he doesn't tak clickity-clakity note on his laptop
>he doesn't bring blinders to keep the light from the walkway out of his peripherals
>he doesnt eat a bowl of chili + taco bell so he can fart through the whole movie
>Walk into cinema bathhouse to use the steam room
>some anon has put a shit hammock right in the way
It's hard labor of cleaning the cinema after every movie. You are kept in a dark cell in the back behind the concession counters. You only get let out to clean floors. Your food is whatever you pick up off the floor.
>he doesn't buy 4 seats for himself and his bike
>when someone doesn't take their shoes and socks off before coming into the flick arena
>he doesn't bring a trumpet to accompany the movie with his own, better soundtrack
>he doesn't wear his cinema gum guard
>he doesn't wear his flick shin pads
>work as male nurse at institute for terminal orphans
>take local poorly kids on day out to cheer them up
>the cinema doesn't accommodate the iron lung
Bloody typical. These kids were really looking forward to the new Ghostbusters flick.
>not just driving people away by blowing snot at them
>he doesn't swoosh about the cinema to calm down because something exciting happened
I like to use my time at the cinema in productive ways so I bring along my speak and spell so I can brush up on my spelling while taking in high quality flicks. Occasionally some people will even give me clues on some of the harder words.
I like how this thread has descended into actual autism.
>he doesn't scream at the top of his lungs when anything mildly surprising happens
look at these faggots and laugh
>he doesn't bring his retractable table and butler to the cinema to enjoy a three course meal and coordinate it with the first, second, and third acts of the movie
>he doesn't put up a beacon to show his presence during movies
>he doesn't bring a star wars soundbook along to add star wars sound effects to any movie
lmao @ your life
>not waiting for the dessert cart to roll over during the credits and grab all the crème brûlées
>go to buy a pet stone
>unwrap and unbox it
>turns out to be a pebble
>he doesn't train his falcon to snatch other people's crab legs and bring it back to you
>tfw stealing popcorn from other people's buckets with your selfie stick
>he doesn't wave his dick in front of his camera so /tv/ poorfags watch dick and balls on their The Force Awakens camrip
You are asking for a flagrant, solicited violation of US patent law. This will
not be a case of harmlessly or unknowingly posting material to the net. There
is no legal question here except that of exactly which crimes the prosecutor
will choose to charge you with. So far, the only one that I am aware of is
solicitation of an illegal act. Anyone who assists you will be an accomplice
>tfw popping some slim qt latina's cherry I met on the ticket line while you fuck a balloon
>he doesn't park his car in the theater
it's like you don't want to simultaneously have the best parking spot, best seats to watch the film, AND to be able to listen your music with air conditioning
>mfw doing it at the bridge scene and making it look like Han gets stabbed by a giant dick
>sit next to the mayo and guano dispensers
>switch the tags when a noisy scene happens
>he doesn't bring his quadcopter into the cinema and fly it around during the boring bits
>he doesn't download a patrician cinema on his phone and watch that instead of the pleb flick