I know you only wanted to give 10% but that's not worth my time nor my money. I need 51% percent.
>I acknowledge you have a 10 million dollar evaluation but I don't understand your industry so I'm going to offer you 100k for 40% and if you even think about looking at Mark or Robert before I finish this sentence I will personally assassinate your grandparents.
>I'll match that offer, but I'll sweeten the deal even more. We get to hang out on the weekends at my place. You just have to come. Don't bring anything, I'll provide the entertainment. I'll even hire someone to run your business full time while you come out on adventures with me. Deal? Please say something. Don't just look at me. Just say yes.
>You didn't come to my nephew's bar mitzvah as I asked. Nor did you come to the circumcision of my cousin, Malachi. You didn't spin the giant dreidel in the center of the room to ensure great fortune from Jehovah. Finally, most flagrantly, you didn't even light the golden menorah next to you in order to commence this so called "pitch" of yours.
>I am a patient man. I am generous. However, when somebody like you walks in here without proving that you are one of God's chosen people, or that you aspire to be one, my reservations about your business increase tenfold. You have two options. You take $150,000 from me as I claim 80% of your company, or you leave here until you can find it to accept Yahweh into your heart.
>It's a great product. I love the product. And I love you! We don't see this kind of energy from our entrepreneurs often. I'd love to make you an offer. My offer is for -
>This would go great in one of the kiosks by the halfcourt bathrooms. My offer is 10k for 49% and if you look back at Robert I will literally throw this chair at you and pummel your body until my fists crack through the concrete below the floor.
>Wow, great deal. Looking forward to working with you Mr. Cuban
>Robert: "but i'm asking for half the equity you asked for, and doubling the cash amount!"
>Lori "Yeah but you can't get them into QVC"
>"here with the Hanukkah tree topped, we'll make lots of shekels doing it!(Rubs hands)"
>"I'll take the offer, because a Jewish man taught me everything to get into this business"
This actually happened.
>Call a syrian a terrorist and people rush to defend him
>Call an Irishman a terrorist and noone bats an eye
How you doing, Sharks!! I SAID HOW YOU DOING SHARKS!!
I want to introduce you all to the newest face in the meme marketplace. With your help, we can get this meme on the front page of /tv/ with 200 replies in as little as a week. All we need is small investment of 6 spammed threads for 15% of the meme credit
I'll give you $40 for 51% of your company, your daughters virginity, and for you to suck me off right here on national TV. You can leave it all to me, I take care of the grunt work. I'M A DREAM COME TRUE FOR YOU.
>"There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh."
>the people who turn down offers
I don't understand this. I would get it if you know you have an incredible game changing product and are getting fucked hard by the sharks but 99% of the people on the show have jack shit.
I didn't imply they take the money and then run.
I'm talking about the people who get offers from the sharks and flatout decline.
I just don't understand why people wouldn't accept the offer in the first place and take the opportunity to have someone who clearly knows what they are doing and probably has countless connections to help you get your shit going.
>it's an entrepreneur tries too hard to get into mark Cubans pants episode
>Have you ever had White Tiger Lasagna? It's lasagna, but the meat is made rim succulent white tiger flesh. Now, white tiger doesn't taste good; it's greasy and foul. I spend seven of the next ten hours on the john, and the taste is days coming off the tongue. I eat it not because I enjoy it, but because it sends a message: all that exists exists only with my consent. I have the money, the power, and the means to violate several international laws and circumvent years of ecological protection solely to satisfy a passing craving by eating one of the last hundred or so white tigers. What I'm saying here is this presentation has no message, and therefore I'm out.
That was amazing. The look on the face of the woman on the dragon's side when the fatty said "We are women" in response to the guy saying "Let's keep this easy" is perfect.
Poor fucking Robert, man. Always gets fucked over.
>every time you get advice you sigh and a bu- you're doing it, exactly that.
>you're doing it again, you're not listening to me
Called her right the fuck out. she wasn't hearing any of that victim bullshit.
My name is Jeb Bush, and I'm running for president in 2016. I come from a long line of distinguished presidents, and my campaign has been running to continue this tradition. I've been the governor of Florida, and I married a latino woman. This campaign has received heavy investment from the establishment, and I look forward to continuing that investment with you, and we can do Jeb! 2016.
Kevin: How are your numbers so far?
Jeb: Well, we're currently polling around 2-3%.
Kevin: What are you chasing?
Jeb: Unfortunately Mr. Trump is at 40%.
Kevin: I'm out.
Mark: Mr. Trump is actually a fellow businessman who I have already endorsed for president, and I can't invest against him, so I'm out.
Robert: How much are you asking for?
Jeb: I am asking for a $200 million investment, and in return you get 70% of the top lobbying rights on executive decisions.
Robert: How much have you spent so far?
Jeb: To date we've spent $128 million.
Kevin: See, this is why I was out, I knew this was trouble from the start.
Robert: Jeb, how can you possibly think you can continue this campaign? Where is the money going?
Kevin: He's DEAD, this is not happening, he just doesn't know it yet. DEAD!
Mark: Yeah look Jeb you're a nice guy and I'm not going to jerk you around, I know Robert will try to soothe your feelings here but listen to Kevin on this one.
Jeb: We have guacamole bowls! Highest quality!
Kevin: And how much do they sell for?
Kevin: Like I said, DEAD
Robert: Well look I can't come down on your whole campaign, but for me, with those numbers, I'm out.
Jeb: T-thank you sharks.
The worst idea was the fucking elephant in the room. They were literally selling a small stuff elephant in a glass case.
Some of the earlier ones were really bad too. Like some lady pitched a plastic slab you put on your laptop to put post-it notes on, and one guy pitched a bluetooth device that you installed (via surgery) inside your ear.
Let me get this straight
You want to accept full responsibility for a business that you only have 5 minutes of knowledge on, and in exchange I get 49% of the profit after you're done pumping all the money and resources to make my idea work into it?
Shit mayne where do I sign I ain't about dat entrepreneurial lifestyle nigga
as of now
we used to have great threads nightly until moot left, not sure if that's directly related, but this Star Wars shit was the last nail in the coffin, /tv/ has now gone full /x/, biggest drop in board quality this site has ever seen, /tv/ might even be worse at this point