Ok, stop for a second. That's me right there. Looking pretty rough, huh? Well, to find out how I got into this situation, we gotta rewind a bit.
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a sith. To me, being a sith was better than being Chancellor of the Republic. Even before I first wandered into Coruscant for a kidnapping job, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. To me, it meant being somebody in a galaxy that was full of nobodies. I was a bad fella. An enforcer. But I could never be a made sith because I wasn't flesh and blood. It didn't even matter that I could quad-wield lightsabers. To get that darth title you've got to be a one hundred per cent force user. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as they aren't also a member. It was a license to commit treason. It was a license to do anything.
See, the hardest thing for me was leaving the force. I still love the force. And we were treated like movie stars with midichlorians. We had it all, just for the asking. Our queens, princesses, younglings, everybody rode along. I had paper bags filled with deathsticks stashed in the kitchen. I had a sugar bowl full of kolto next to the bed...Anything I wanted was a hologram call away. Free starships. The keys to a dozen hideout flats all over the galaxy. I'd bet twenty, thirty grand over a weekend of pazaak and then I'd either blow the winnings in a week or go to the sharks to pay back the Hutts. Didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. When I was broke I would go out and arbitrate some more. We ran everything. We paid off Clones. We paid off Sith. We paid off Senators. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking. And now it's all over. And that's the hardest part.
Today, everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food. Right after I got here I ordered some Krayt Dragon with marinara sauce and I got Womp Rat and ketchup. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a Nerf-Herder.
Obi Wan: Now this kid, this kid was great. They, they used to call him Jedi Master Anakin.
Anakin: No more Jedi, Obi Wan.
Obi Wan: What?
Anakin: I said, no more Jedi. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time. From my point of view they're evil. I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire.
Obi Wan: Your new Empire? Ya flip right out, what's got into you? I'm breaking your balls a little bit, that's all. I'm only kidding with ya...
Anakin: Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding, you know, there's Padme around...
Obi Wan: I'm only kidding with you, my allegience is to democracy, I just came home and I see a hologram of you killing younglings and I'm breaking your balls, I will do what I must. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
Anakin: I'm sorry too. It's okay. No problem.
Obi Wan: Okay, may the force be with you. *takes a drink* Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
Anakin: Mother fuckin' mutt! You turned her against me!
Obi Wan: *taunting* Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have done that yourself!
Anakin: Motherfucking... You will not take her from me! That fake old tough guy! You underestimate my power!