>RECORD SCRATCH-FREEZE FRAME
Heh, yeah that's me on the floor burning alive. Did you know that you should never front flip towards a Jedi Master from the low ground? Let me tell you, I sure did learn that day. Now if you want to know how I got here, we're gonna have to a go a little ways back.
>CUT TO SHOT OF PADME DYING IN CHILDBIRTH
Woah! A little too far there. This story doesn't start for a few more years. Roll the tape a bit more.
>SHOT OF HIM ON TATOOINE FADES IN
Much better, and who's that handsome little tyke there. You see, this is where I grew up, Tatooine, the most BORING planet in the galaxy. I was a slave to the biggest jerk here too, a Toydarian named Watto. But then I met ol' Qui-Gon Jinn, and let me tell you, my life changed forever.
>because all of this was filmed in the prequels, someone could actually edit this into real life
Please someone who can into video editing software. Just do this one thing for me.
uh oh, he's here already guys. hide your memes, quick!
So you're probably wondering how I got here
>Whoa! Stop the tape!
>the screen becomes projected as dooku walks into frame
>"let's slow down a second here!"
>"you're probably wondering who that schmuck is"
>he jerks his thumb over his shoulder at anakin
>"or how I ended up in this situation"
>"and we'll get there in due time"
>"but first let's let's roll this story back to its beginning"
>screen fades to black
>"it all starts with a man named sheev, and magic little things called midichlorians"
[STAR WARS THEME BLASTS WITH TITLE]
This will never NOT be funny.
>sheev is falling into the pit, the camera settles on his screaming face
>RECORD SCRATCH FREEZE FRAME
>"wow, this is awkward"
>"well, as you can tell. The handsome guy falling down the pit is me. Call me Sheev."
>"but my story doesn't exactly start at my death, and you're probably wondering how this all happened"
>"so lets just roll it back"
>scene where 8 year old sheev is wearing high heels in the mirror with cherry red lipstick coating his lips
>"WHOAH TOO FAR BACK"
>sheev is kneeling before darth plageuis
[STAR WARS THEME BLASTS TITLE APPEARS]