>Get me Matt Damon!
>Sorry, sir, Matt Damon is busy on other projects
>Then get me his slightly tubby ginger equivilant!
>Right away, sir
ITT: Bootleg stars.
>Get me bootleg Shia Lebeouf
>say no more, famm
>Get me the midget from Game Of Thrones!
>Peter Dinklage is busy sir.
>What about the other one?
>I'll make the call sir.
Can't afford Tom Hanks? Call Ben Weber of GasX commercial fame.
>I see you're flatulent in 3 languages
>Your son Rip is on line toot
>Get me Benicio Del Toro!
>Sorry, sir. He is unavailable.
>Then get me his American, union, overpriced equivalent!
>get me Matt Damon
>he's unvailable, sir
>then get me ugly Matt Damon
>Sir we need to diversify all of Schwarzenegger's movies to apply to the over represented minority group here in America
>Say no more you racist piece of shit.
What do MEAN Mark Ruffalo bent wrapped his spine around a steering wheel? We start filming Avengers 3 in TWO WEEKS!!
Well sir, Vincent D'Onofrio has an open schedule...
>Get me Ethan Hawke!
>Sir, he is unavailable
>Well shit, who do we get now?
>Hold on, I know just the man
>Get me the actor from grease
>Sorry,sir. Travolta is in jail for raping again
>Then get me his '''''''female''''''' equivalent
>get me my mommy
>she's jerking her son off at the moment
>We hired Quentin Tarantino but I wish we hadn't and now I don't know how to get rid of him
>I know just who to call
>I want that Hemsworth guy.
>Unfortunately he's busy. But there is another..
>Get me a 64 oz cup of dirt!
>Sorry, sir, a 64 oz cup of dirt is busy on other projects
>Then get me the next best thing
>Right away, sir
>Get me this The Beatles song!
>Sorry they're too expensive, we have these shitty braindead fat american hacks
>NO, I mean the other badass bald dude.
Get Me that guy from Highlander
>Sorry Sir, he's a washed up piece of shit
What about that guy from Thank You For Smoking.
>Sorry Sir, he was the worst part about TDK.
We'll will have to settle for some one who ruins everything he's in.
>I have just the man for you.
>We need someone to play Lex Luther
>I was thinking the bald guy from Breaking Bad would be great
>I this his name was Eisenberg
>On It Boss.
>I need a rat faced European girl to emote poorly
>Like... Any rat faced European girl?
>Yeah, like literally pick up any coked up Serbian girl off the streets, We'll tell people she's pretty and a good actress and they'll believe it
>Uh, how about the billionaire daughter of a family that founded two NFL franchises?
>The fuck? That's not what I asked for
>Yeah, but she's rat faced and I heard she's impure and will do things to your penis for a Hollywood role
>Okay, I guess...
Okay people, five minutes until roll... where the fuck is Kiefer?
It's cool boss I found someone.
>get me that guy from the 80s movies
>the alive one
>Get me a clown driving a monster truck!
>Sorry, sir, a clown driving a monster truck is busy on other projects
>Then get me the next best thing
>Right away, sir
>Get me Natalie Portman
>Then get me her flat-chested British equivalent
>She's on a plane now, sir
>I'll go get him, he's outside jacking off in the phone booth
>the Beach Boys
Pick one, dicklord.
Mike Love is a megacunt though
>i need a hot redhead to play an aunt
>jessica chastain said she only does mommies
>Portman & Knightley got old?
>Get me FlatBrit 2.0 + Tooth Expansion Pack
>Portman & Knightley got old?
>Get me that robo-bitch
>I'm on it boss
if John Cleese or Monty Python ever get a bio movie, they should cast Garret Dillahunt as Cleese.
Best thread of 2016, I have laughed so much. These are your best posts:
(He looks more like John C. Reilly)
(I can't believe I never heard a joke like this before)
Really awesome choice anon. Cleese deserves a biopic too.
I'm glad you liked it anon. I'm sorry to say that I didn't contribute much, as none of the posts you quoted are mine, but I'm just happy to see that you're having a good time. Happy New Years!
>I need a man with a hillbilly accent for a secondary role that will no doubt steal the show
>I know just the man sir
>get me Hayden Christensen
> I loved Life's A House
>sir he's been tanking it and just fucking his wife
>plus we already went through this before
>God damn it alright just get me the uglier one who can actually act
>spends his free time fucking Rachel Bilson
I thought I recognized that bitch.
Vincent D'onofrio is actually as good an actor as Ruffalo, though.
>Get me Brendan Fraser
>Y-you sure about that, sir?
>Why are you asking?
>His shit is pretty fucked up, family
>get me bella thorne!
>she's busy sir
>ok, get me her hotter, more talented sister
>We're rebooting The Great Mouse Detective and need someone to play Olivia
>And all the girls who have auditioned so far don't look the part
>Sir, you did say reboot. We can give Ratigan a female companion instead and change the story as necessary
>In fact, I know someone who can play that role
>We need to get that nerd cash. Get me that guy from Doctor Who.
>Excellent idea, sir! Which one, though? David Tennant's extremely popular with all demographics. Peter Capaldi's got immense range, but he's getting up there in years. Ooh, I hear Christopher Eccleston's doing literally nothing with his life anymore, maybe him?
>All we have left in the budget is 6 grams of coke and a big gulp.
>I know just the man.
>where is louis ck?
>i think tyrone still won't let him leave his cuck shed
>ok get me another balding redhead cuck of a comedian
>I want to make am movie with Russell Crowe and Tom Hardy, but I can afford their salary. Are there any American knock-offs I can cast?
>implying hollywood executives have any empathy for fallen stars
Brendan's IMBD page is looking pretty empty for 2016 projects. Even with the internet memeing him out, his shit getting more fucked up by the minute.
>Get me Amy Adams.
>Then get me Mrs. Borat!
>where is seth rogan?
>he couldn't make it, him and james franco are making Up in Toke 2: Blaze of Glory
>alright, get me another fat curly haired jew
I find it hard to believe they didn't have a few pies on hand to bribe Colin Baker.
>Get me Chris Hemsworth!
>He's shooting Thor: Ragnarok sir.
>Then get me Thor on meth.
>can't afford Bale. Who else will fuck up their body for a role?
>get me javier bardem
>Get me Melissa McCarthy!
>She's doing another Paul Feig movie sir.
>Pitch Perfect 3
>Fine. Just get me the next best thing.
>Get me Matthew Broderick
>Can't, he's been skating on Ferris Bueller and Godzilla for the past millennia
>No problem Ill take his unburdened by vehicular murder clone
>this is another black comedian cross-dresses and ruins his career film, who is the hottest black comedian right now?
>The studio demanded we include a rapper in this movie
>Uh, Ice Cube is currently booked in various movies and Ice-T is still doing his Law & Order show
>What about T.I?
>He declined to focus on his new album
>Fast & Furious series
>Then who's left?
>I know a rapper plus he won an Oscar too
>Who could that be?
>I want Sylvester Stallone!
>Ill be frank with you
>say no more
I think you misunderstood, he's not literally engaging in intercourse with adolescents. He made jokes about how good pedophilia would have to be for pedophiles to risk everything just to experience it.
>Get me the CIA guy from Dark Knight Rises
>Aidan Gillen's filming Game of Thrones sir.
>Then just get a random Irish actor.
>Sure thing sir.
>I want Kurt Russell but I also want this film to appeal to beta men and redditors.
>I got you bruh
> Mr. Cameron, we can't shoot this scene, Arnold keeps jumping out of his chair, trying to fuck the female lead
> call Jamie
> i can't even imagine...
>Harrison Ford just died in a tragic plane crash!
>Oh fuck, who are we going to get to play
his ghostIn Star Wars VIII?
>Get me Robert Downey Jr.
>He's doing another Marvel movie.
>Fine. Get me someone who's not busy and has a similar look.
>Damn it man, I'm making a quirky indie movie about an elf that's dying of a terminal liver disease, but our budget was slashed and I have no money whatsoever for any make-up effects at all
>You won't believe this sir, but I have a solution
>We need Jeffrey Dean Morgan
>how are we doing with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles casting?
>almost there, sir
>who do we have playing Splinter?
>no one as of yet, sir
>just get me whoever you think would be appropriate
>on it, chief
> get me that 80s mullet guy from that buddy cop movie
> Gibson's blacklisted, sir, we'll never get this financed
> get me his non-union kike friendly equivalent then
>he's a washed up piece of shit
Hey...HEY! You you just watch yerself Mister...
>How dare I make a better more creative joke than you?
What kind of fucking name is 'Skeet'? Who sits there after just giving birth to a beautiful baby boy and says "You know what we should call this kid? Yeah that's right, Skeet."? Also, has this guy been in anything other than Scream and The Creaft? I've literally never seen him in a single other movie.
He's also in As Good As It Gets. Personally I don't mind the name Skeet, as a nickname at least. But then again I'm not from America but I can understand how hillbilly it sounds.
what was that boy?
>Get me Jennifer Aniston!
>Sorry sir, she's busy and we can't afford her...
>Then get me her slightly younger, less attractive doppelganger!
>Already got her on speed dial.
>Get me RDJ!
>he's already another character, sir
>HOW ELSE ARE WE GONNA GET TUMBLR MONEY?
>say no more pham
>Get me julia roberts
>cant afford her
>well get me an actress people will mistake for her from afar so they will think they are going to see a roberts movie
>Walken walked out, we're running out of money and we need a replacement that will work for breadcrumbs, literally
>Don't worry sir I got this
>We need an older attractive woman, must be fine with sexual content and really just be eye candy
>she's busy at the moment?
>something to do with spitroasting the Italian pm and his advisors?
>well that's just great
>wait sir, I think I know of someone
>she's a little older but she's a French dime
>pop open the skotch son, you've earned it
wow, aussies really have no sense of fashion. Liams beard looks ugly and weird as shit, only reason he has it is prolly to have a trademark that makes him distinguishable from his bruh
>We need Mark Ruffalo,
but we also want to represent a minority, and we also want to make the straight male demographic feel insecure about their sexuality.
>don't say another word, not even thank you, I got the perfect man for the role senpai
>We need Megan Fox to be sexy in a movie
>She's busy reading astrology columns
>then find me a Megan Fox who doesn't want to be viewed as a sex symbol
>i got ya
>get me samuel l jackson on the double
>he's willing to do it
>Get me Ava Addams
>But sir she's overrated and frankly asks for too much money
>Then get me her non-union, latina MILF equivalent
>she's out in the lobby, sir
>get robin Williams on the phone
>Sir, he's dead, he hung himself
>My goodness that's just terrible
>I'm genuinely troubled by this Johnson, he was one of a kind
>Hold on to that thought sir
Shit.. he looks like a young version of a friend's stepdad.. who was kind a young Richard Gere.
> Quick. Get me Richard Gere.
> But sir, we've already whitewashed every other Japanese character.
> Fine. Find someone, anyone, that is Japanese and not doing anything and looks like him.
> Wait.. Jennifer Love Hewitt is busy? How?
> I have an idea sir. We just have to add strong Christian values, but that tests well in our demo anyway.
>Get me a big guy!
>But sir, how about a little guy instead?
>Ask Wally Pfister if he can make it work!
>I already did, sir. He said 'yes'
>Great! Who did you have in mind?
>Get me a charismatic action hero!
>Sir there is literally NOBODY free
>just get me whatever then
>say no more family
>6 grams of coke and a big gulp
lost im sorry
>Get me Cate Blanchett
>she is busy
>Ok, then get me tv version of Cate Blanchett
>on it sir
>get me younger, less attractive Keanu Reeves
>Get me that Diesel guy from xXx
>I couldn't reach him but I found the Diesel guy from XXX
>We need an actor, that resembles Thaddeus Stevens in the new Lincoln movie.
>Tommy Lee Jones?
>I really need a caveman, but they are extinct and cg is expensive
>Say no more, I got just the guy
If it fails there's still
David Tennant, even though de doesn't look even remotely similiar
Tumblr bux guaranteed.
>tfw laughed my ass off while posting this
>tfw no one responds
Seriously, I thought this was Robert Downey Jr.
>sir I want one part Lorde and one part Maisie Williams mixed into a hot teenage dream
>google search this guy
>imdb lists prometheus
Tom Hardy wasn't in Prometheus? ARE YOU FUCKING TELLING ME THAT WASN'T TOM HARDY?
>get me discount version of Chris Evans
I was about the post this. They're fucking identical