>>64529330 Here's the thing. 99.9% of the human race are really stupid and have appalling taste. Thant's why capeshit and star wars do so well. That's why soap operas,and reality talent contests dominate the TV schedules. And that's why popular music is and always has been complete shit.
Find the most popular of anything and 9 times out of 10 it's garbage.
>>64529330 It was pretty bad and obviously the result of a dozen scripts that were focused tested into the Frankenstein's monster that the final movie ultimately was.
>goes no where plot about marital issues with the kids parents >one kid is apparently a idiot savant or something >clashing themes of anti-corporatism and blatant unironic product placement >military dinosaur plot halfbaked >the I-Rex was designed as a military dinosaur, which explains why Wu couldn't talk about what was it it and how the dinosaur was able to hide from thermal imagery
And then there was just some bad plot points. Like how all the escaped pterodactyls immediately flew towards the greatest concentration of people instead of just flying away, like the animals they were.
It was a messy movie that had too much fan pandering (e.g. OG T-rex breaking Spinosaurus skeleton), poor characterization (e.g. characters having their qualities literally stated), and plot that became deformed and pointless
>>64529330 The original movie is probably one of my all time favorite movies. This movie was alright. The plot was dreck but it least it was trying something new and the movie was put together well. But it doesn't have a modicum of the charm of the original
>>64529330 >>64529330 I dont get how this movie made a billion dollars. Its fucking awful. It suffers from the same problems as SW7. Terrible story telling, poor pacing and awful direction. There is literally 0 tension at all in the film.
If you like this garbage you are everything wrong with modern movie goers.
>>64529560 Its not hating fun. A film can still be fun and be a good, well crafted film. Take the original Jurassic Park for example. That film is fun but also executes everything in the film incredibly well.
Jurassic Park > The Lost Word: Jurassic Park >> Jurassic World >> Jurassic Park 3
The first 2 have the advantages in music (though 3 has good moments), characters (grant, Ian, Roland), special effects, and the 1st excelled at wonder and awe while the 2nd had great dark lighting and action set peices
JW had the hottest character though, without a doubt
I saw a tonne of hype for it on /tv/ last year and I finally watched it in December and it was such a bore. It was a piece that had more test-audience-approval scenes than soul, something that tried to hit notes guaranteed to please specific target audiences. Self insert character for little boys. Meme man and attractive whore for teens. T-Rex nostalgia for 'adults'. All that product placement Everything crafted for generic mass appeal The only thing that felt genuine was the self indulgent slaughter of the bitchy assistant that seemed to go on for a bit too long.a 6/10 film at best.
>>64529330 It was the first movie that made me angrier the longer it went on. And even afterward, given how fucking popular this "legasequal" shit is becoming. Between this and The Force Awakens, Holywood's lack of creativity and reliance on cheap pandering is going to get so much worse and I hate it.
>>64530085 It's something that happens in all 3 movies:
>lawyer gets eaten on the shitter in the 1st as well as the park employee in the beginning >Eddie Carr he's bit in half by 2 t rexes while trying to save the group >mr noodle gets clawed in the back by a raptor and a black guy gets left to die by the hands of Spinosaurus
>>64530099 It isn't. Classic summer b-movies aren't typically sequels to abandoned franchises resurrected by new pleb shit directors, as your pic proves. It also doesn't have the budget of classic summer b movies. It has the budget of a triple A franchise tentpole blockbuster. Either way, it's a steaming, embarrassing turd of a movie.
>>64530281 Yep, it's a boring piece of shit that plays the John Williams theme over the tedious minutae of park life, like an empty, boring helicopter pad. How triumphant! A helicopter landing, slowly, oh so slowly. Simply ebin.
>>64530143 JW, for the most part, had all of its violence noticeably toned down compared to the other films. Those other scenes didn't stand out from the rest of the movie because there was a pretty consistent brutality throughout each of them. In JW, all that missing viciousness is funneled into that one sequence for no apparent reason.
Every actor in this movie is a good actor. Every goddamn one; even the two kids who have been good in previous roles.
In Jurassic World? Terrible, bland performances all around. Below average in every since. I enjoyed fucking Project Almanac more than Jurassic World, because at least it fucking tried. Jurassic World is what I hate about cinema, it didn't fucking try, at all, in any way. Absolute horseshit.
>>64530358 You didn't make a point. The movie is a corporate bastardisation of everything that made the franchise beloved in the first place. The fact that they lamp-shaded this with the -I-Rex doesn't excuse what a shit-pile disgrace of a movie it was. Please, test me. I'd love to embarrass you.
>>64529330 Seeing it in the theater the first time was super fun. It was packed and the black girls next to me were flipping shit at everything and I was laughing my ass off. But I could never ever watch it again or that memory would be ruined. I was talking with a kid about it a few weeks after who mentioned he had seen it three fucking times. When I asked why so many he replied "I just like movies" like some student of the Roger Ebert School of Uniformed Pretentious Plebeian Filmgoing.
So basically I'll never see it again and advocates of "jus turn off ya brain" film-making are fucking cancer.
>>64530331 >aunt Claire will never take you into the back of a medical vehicle and hold you asking if you're okay, noticing your staring at her perky sweaty beasts. Realising your attraction she slides her hand into your underwear and starts to pull on your cock, saying 'it's okay anon, just don't tell your mummy, aunty Claire will keep you safe'
>>64529330 I hoesntly believe it's a good candidate for the worst big budget blockbuster of the century, maybe even of all time. So rarely does a movie so thoroughly despise its own audience, and the fact that it was met with modest positive reception and insane commercial success genuinely frightens me. I get that mass audiences don't really care about the quality of blockbusters since they're only going to kill 2 hours, but it mystifies how anyone can look at this movie with anything but unrelenting contempt. Shit of the highest order.
>>64530662 >worst blockbuster of the century lets see from 2000+: >transformers 2,3,4 >2012 >day after tomorrow >pearl harbor (easy winner based on the fact that it is worse than the actual event) >gi joe the rise of cobra >terminator 3 >iron man 3 >catwoman
>>64530504 It also does a good job of (for the most part) showing today's kids what JP is all about. Majesty, science, the hubris of man and how to appreciate the finosaurs of the JPU as animals instead of monsters (again, for the most part). Plus the shot where Grey opens the balcony doors to the hotel room had me on tears of joy. It was really genuinely beautiful to see the full extent of what a functioning JP could be. It felt nice to know there were kids in the audience being exposed to these ideas for the first time. A 7.5 is me being really very generous, but it was at the very least a solid six with my nostalgia goggles and fanboy spex off.
>>64529706 Quality summary. It was also predictable as hell except for the points where it managed to be far dumber than I thought it would (seriously how many times do they shoot the I-Rex and they blow it up with a rocket but only other dinosaurs ever give it visible damage what he fuck?)
>>64531045 That seems to be the case with every new movie that comes out on home video. I saw an ad for Avengers 2 on either Starz or Showtime the other day and it actually fpr realsies looked like a ps2 game or a very early ps3 game.
>>64531144 I never said they couldn't, JW is just a good gateway into the franchise. Most 5-6 year olds aren't interested in watching a 22 year old movie, but they are willing to watch a brand new one. It's all the ideas from the first movie presented in a dumbed down fashion. While they're not getting the whole picture, they're getting a good taste of it.
>>64531502 It took a few points from the book that weren't made explicit in the prior movies, we can certainly give it that. Fucking up the execution and introducing really stupid shit is still its primary sin.
>>64531502 Wow what a valuable commentary about a fictional park. This is some sort of social statement that somehow manages to make 0 meaningful connection to real life or say anything of substance. A lot of the science in the first was more valid when it came out and that was honestly part of the appeal so it doesn't even work on a meta level.
>>64529330 I couldn't make it past the Indian helicopter pilot in the beginning. Too much blatant "diveristy", in your face product placement (even in dialogue), and the acting/dialogue was beyond awkward taken to a whole new dimension of shit.
>>64531575 >Letting other people dictate your opinions instead of meticulously thinking about a films strengths and weakness and then poonting them out to give an objective fact based opinion and fuck with all the autists
>>64529330 I'm not sure what to think about the same director wrapping up the new Star Wars trilogy. Either he's fucking awful at making worthwhile Hollywood blockbusters, or else JW can be blamed on corporate meddling and we can rest a little more easily.
>>64529422 >tfw you'll never have those tiny velociraptors scratching at your legs while you make dinner >tfw you'll never take them to the park to rub around >tfw they'll never figure out how to open your bedroom door in an attempt to sleep on your bed
I came around to it a bit on rewatch but there were parts that were still really really bad.
I liked the look of the film. And seeing the park up and running was cool. Some of the early V-Rex scenes were actually exciting and a tad suspenseful.
But the film just gets progressively more retarded as it goes along. And I have a feeling that the CGI is going to age like absolute shit. I also hated Chris Pratt, the raptor pack, and the kids.
And I completely forgot about that one really awkward forced comedy part where Aunt Claire is speaking to Jake Johnsons character for the first time. She tells him to clean up his shit on his work station and then moves a trashcan over to him with her foot right before he knocks a drink off the desk. The whole scene is edited so oddly and the reactions are so muted that the whole things feels so out of place. Almost like an outtake. It's really hard to explain. Like this shifty editing should've never made its way into a 400 gorillion dollar film
>>64529330 I enjoyed it the first time I watched it. THen I started thinking about it. ANd then I realized that Jurassic WOrld had absolutely no world building to do, had less characters than Jurassic Park, and managed to develop less them less well, and was generally worse than Jurassic Park.
Really, you had absolutely no work to do, and developped nothing of interest.
>OH NO THE HELICOPTER CRASHED INTO THE PTYERDACTYL AVIARY AND RELEASED THE PTERYDACTYLS! >How was the helicopter taken down? >Ptyerdactyls >So they already escaped the aviary before the helicopter crashed? >Uhhhhhhh....
>THE GIANT MURDEROUS DINOSAUR HAS OBVIOUSLY ESCAPED! >How do you know? >CLAW MARKS ON THE WALL! GO IN AND INVESTIGATE! >Don't you ahve tracking devices in these animals? Can't you check that? >WE ARE BUT WE CANNOT WAIT! GO IN AND INVESTIAGE HOW IT ESCAPED! >Wait, wouldn't some one have noticed a giant dinosaur on the other side of the cage? There's a cleared parking lot on the other side, and it is reasonably developed area. Someone would have seen something. >NO TIME! WAITING FIVE MINUTES FOR THE TRACKING DATA IS TOO MUCH! GET IN THERE AND DETECTIVE!
>>64535665 Also would like to add that most of my disappointment did not stem from nitpicking, but rather a sense that the movie didn't know if it wanted to be a reboot for kids, or a callback for much older fans. Because it's seems like it's being pulled in many directions to be kiddie Marvel shit and then hardcore dinosaur violence.
Also a big missed opportunity to show a lot of the parks attractions. We see slimpses, and there is a whole seen with the hamster balls and what not. But otherwise a wasted opportunity
>HEY BRO LET'S FIX THIS HERE JEEP >AW YEAH MAN IT'LL COOL! >Hm, it seems that the diesel has gone sour and the battery is dead because it's been sitting abandoned for 22 years. And there isn't any power in this shack to boost it, and all the diesel in any of these containers is just as old.
>>64529330 Why did TFA get a pass but this didn't. I don't get it they're exactly the same. Is this board so underage that they didn't grow up with Jurassic Park so the nostalgia googles aren't even a factor?
>A dinosaur is loose. Time to enact all the protocols developped from the last time this happened. >IF WE DO THAT, WE'LL BE SHUT DOWN FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER! >Last time this happened, several people died and the park was destroyed. And yet, here we are, 22 years later, better than ever. I doubt we'll get in trouble for saving lives and following protocol, and at this point, it is a minor hiccup compared to the first accident. >I WAS TOO BUSY BEING A DUMB CUNT TO LISTEN TO YOU
>>64536361 The first movie I ever saw in the theater was Jurassic Park. I still know that this is shit. It's pathetic. It's like you've let someone take a shit in your mouth, and then you ask for seconds.
>Owen Grady is having staredown with I-Rex at the end of Jurassic World >dinosaur is about to eat him >"wait!" >Owen Grandy starts dancing >"dance off bro!" >I-Rex freezes >the raptor pack comes out >they start dancing too >the I-Rex starts dancing >the Meso pops out of the water and starts jigging >a large banner saying "Dino Dance-Off" floats to the ground >credits roll
>>64531107 >Fiery explosion in front of him that has enough force to send him flying >lands on his ass >not burnt, charred, cut from shrapnel, blinded by hot gasses, or knocked out form the concussion >sits up like nothing fucking happened There is no retard dim enough to allow their suspension of disbelief work on this. Holy shit that was so fucking bad it was hilarious.
>>64529330 >Jurassic World was terrible. MOTY tbqfh
>Star Wars >literally the same exact shit in every other movie but IT'S STARWARS DUDE XDD
>Jurassic World >everything about a JP movie that you wanted to but hadn't seen yet, genetic mods, functional park, new characters, new score, masculine white male protag absolutely fucking based, people who don't like JW and/or prefer TFA to it are BBC swallowing fuccbois or girls who pretend to like Star Wars
Why isn't this a bigger gripe about this movie? She literally almost face plants twisting her little bird ankles on her hooker heels when she steps off the helicopter in one of her first scenes, and yet we're expected to believe that she somehow spends the next 12 hours running balls out through the fucking jungle without gimping herself out?
No. Just no. Dinosaurs, DNA from ambered mosquitoes, hybrid animal dino-monster, all of this is more believable than auntfu's fucking high heel mastery.
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