Van Dammes daughter
Would you let her do splits on your cock?
>you will never date a shy pretty girl in HS
>you will never make out with her on the couch in her parents' house
>you will never be caught by her dad who is an 90's action hero
>he will never beat you within an inch of your life while she begs him to stop
Why even live?
not the best looking face but has its moments still pre hot
Imagine her rotating on your dick while splitting like that
>you're wondering around a hotel room you're staying at lost
>you can't remember if your room is 308 or 380 so you pick one at random and head there
>the door is unlocked
>you walk in and she's handcuffed butt naked to the bed
what do you do?
dat body tho
butterfaces = GOAT
mfw ive been starting the seagal threads
I blame bad make up and stupid hair in that pic. She's a legit qt when she's not trying hard
>noticing a small tattoo on her ankle
>/tv/ footfag looking at her feet instead of her tits
they're GOAT threads though
about his autism
HE'S A COMPULSIVE LIAR
Over the years, Steven has claimed that he:
>- Helped train CIA operatives and did "special favors" for them (his ex wife says, "Not at all. He was never in the CIA.")
>- Is of Italian descent (he's actually half-Jewish, half-Irish)
>- Fought the Yakuza with assistance from the American mob
>- Is called in to help authenticate antique swords by auction houses as he is one of the world's "foremost experts on swords"
>- Was a student of the founder of Akido, Morihei Ueshiba (who died in 1968, meaning Steven would have had to have been a teenager living alone in Japan for that to have happened)
- Speaks four languages fluently (I'm unable to find any evidence of him speaking anything other than English made entirely of lies)
HE SHIT HIMSELF
>In a 2002 profile in Vanity Fair, martial artist Gene LeBell claimed he choked out Steven during an Aikido exhibition, causing Seagal to poop in his pants. Steven denies it ever happened. But he also said he was a multilingual, Yakuza fighting, CIA assassin.
>In a 2002 profile in Vanity Fair, martial artist Gene LeBell claimed he choked out Steven during an Aikido exhibition, causing Seagal to poop in his pants.
tfw should have made thread " on topic" to avoid deletion. not that it matters janitards will delete anyway
>in March 2011, while filming his reality show Steven Seagal: Lawman (the one where he pretended to be a policeman) Steven was involved in a raid on a person's house that resulted in the death of a puppy and 115 chickens.
>Jesus Llovera was suspected of cockfighting. So Mr. Seagal, Sheriff Joe Arpaio , a camera crew, and a SWAT team turned up at his house with a tank, some other armored vehicles, and bomb robot.
>Despite the fact that Jesus had no history of weapon ownership, was home alone, and was suspected of cockfighting rather than like, bomb making or murder or something, Steven was allowed to drive a tank through the front wall of the man's home, while the SWAT team smashed through his windows and moved in to arrest him. A puppy belonging to Jesus's children was killed during the raid, and the 115 chickens that Steven and pals were there to rescue ended up being euthanized on the spot. When asked for a comment by a local news station, Seagal said, "animal cruelty is one of my pet peeves."
>she will never kick you in the balls with her barefeet
What's the point of living?
>hey faggot I'll let you have one hour with my daughter if you fight me
does anyone have fantasies about being overpowered by a strong woman?
heh, me either...
wouldn't you introduce her to your parents?
>being lucky enough to mary ms alice
JCVD actually went back in time and stopped his wife and child being murdered and teamed up with a younger version of himself to fight a senator to the death.
So you can thank him for doing that because his daughter wouldn't be alive if he hadn't.