Here ye, here ye. I hereby call to order yet another exciting meeting of the world renowned Adventurers Guild! It has recently come to my attention that one of you, and I'm not going to say who, -Cough Dirjin Cough Cough- has been feeding the Owlbears we keep locked in the basement for "Hoots of Fun" Thursdays. Now normally this wouldn't be much of a problem, we'd simply have them do a few extra hours on the Electro Wheel that we use to recharge all of the Guild's magical items. Unfortunately, that same someone -cough Dirjin cough cough-, also seems to have been hiding STOLEN magic items within their cages. This close proximity to an over abundance of magic items, mixed with whatever the hell they've been eating, has apparently made the beasts sentient. So while I, and several other Guild delegates deal with the over-sized sentient Chickens currently residing in our basement, I want all of you to come up with ideas for this Thursday. As such, I'll be leaving you all in the capable hands of Champion Fighter, Marth Wyvern.
I hope this doesn't interfere with Drunk Science Friday. I've got a new experiment to run using a mass grease spell, expeditious retreat and dimension doors to see if I can jump the Guild Hall in a single bound.
As for ideas this Thursday, maybe we just keep it as a game night and play charades or how many mages guild department heads we can hide behind the owlbear cages? So far I think we're only at 6 but I bet we can make it to at least 10.
Hello everyone, Marth Wyvern here.
A game night sounds like a marvelous idea to me! Should I bring some things or am I still banned from suggestions after the Ursine Roulette incident? On that note... maybe the owlbears would like to join in!
>Plants his helmet covered face into the palm of his gauntlet covered hand.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Wonderful! I'll go get my tarot set, normally tarot isn't much of a game but this deck has just been a doozy! Won it off some guy when he keeled over and I just ended up with a fancy axe... oh, on that note, I got no use for this axe. Anyone want it? I think the runes on it say something about dragon-slaying but I haven't brushed up on my dwarvish in a while so I dunno.
>Drinks from his wineskin and remembers to swallow before speaking.
Sure they're wise enough as is but not very bright. It'd be easy to just go out and grab new ones from the wild. Speaking of wild things, my alcoholism is settings my a-tingle.
Uhm... I hate to be the bearer of bad news... But the runes on that Axe says "Those who touch of the mighty Berrgo Whitewinter's Axe shall feel the pain of a Dragons penalty"...
Well. That sucks. You win some you lose some...
*chucks the axe in Drakon's general direction* Yours now! I'll be off getting the cards... Thursday you say? Should be able to get to my castle and back before then...
Are you sure you wish to take this kind of challenge? It's not like trying to shave a woman's hairy man legs... It's the "Dragons Penalty". Which in Suvessin Dwarven loosely translates to "The Dragons Lance".
Are you seriously going to go off and slaughter another clan of dragons? I thought you said you found something better to do and then you vanished into the Underdark for, what was it? Nine years?
>steps into view, cleaning a black fluid that might be blood off of his hands with a towel
You people are much too loud! It's hard enough sewing a rotting arm back onto a Lich without having to hear you ruffians screech about dragons and axes!
>Expertly catches the weapon midair.
I made Demogorgon surrender on my lonesome and regularly put ancient wyrms in the ground. I'm not afraid of any rape-happy dragons.
Aye nine years. Those drow lasses kept insisting that they'd show me the proper way to treat a man. By the time I left their city was literally dust below the monument to my prowess.
Regardless, I am on quest to find to the wyrm that bares my namesake. He has much to answer for.
Well my apologies Ambrose, but you are fully aware that we usually host our meetings on Tuesday, therefore you should plan accordingly. Nyle Ransdorm has also suggested sound proofing your lab as well.
>looks at Marth with a cocked eyebrow
Yes, because I can plan when King Arterion the Undying's arm falls off. And if Nyle thinks I'm paying to soundproof my lab, he can jump in a lake.
I know who I am thinking of and I know who and what it is that ol' Planesunder himself wants with the dragon he's after. What I don't tell him is that the dragon he wants to speak with parades around as an old, blind storyteller with a cover name so obvious that it's ingenious.
Anyways about the Owlbears. We should probably handle this diplomatically. I mean, we have a good working relationship with them. Maybe offer to help build their village and welcome them to the world of sentient creatures? Reap the rewards of uplifting them from simple animals to noble beasts?
And as for you, the secrets out of the bag now so go find your unkillable dragon priest of Bahamut and let him talk your ears off for all I care.
I've ended worse things than a curse.
And as for your drunken rambling, I damn well know what he's been doing but the bastard comes and goes with the winds. Literally!
Dirjin screwed up AGAIN... About as big as usual too. I am simply in favor of welcoming them to the neighborhood before someone tries to welcome them as our new overlords.
Excuse me darlings, is this the adventurer's guild?
I'm afraid I've got a small rat problem in my basement, and I'm far too old to be dealing with them myself. If you could be so kind as to help an old lady out, I'd gladly bake you a batch of my special cookies and cupcakes!
He's an arse clinger. That brown streak that you need to wipe a few extra times to get rid of but never quite until you can wash? That but in form of a dark elf.
Damn it all! After that incident with the portals to Hell we dealt with last week I'm not going to pick a fight with the druids in our own arena!
Oh no, I think you're mistaken... The druids are dead now. The Owlbears clawed and ate them.
This isn't another one of those "Fake grandma who's actually a demon" jobs is it? I ask only because Guild policy requires me to.
Not used to seeing more than a few druids in city limits at any given time. Are these those "urban" druids that like to hold old people up for carriage fare? Cause I got something they can hold up. I like to call it "Vampireball."
A Drow? And you let him use the same buildings as normal people?
That takes me back to when I used to kill rats in the basements with my friends - Never do that without a healer.
One... They're just regular druids... They usually just come here for the benefits plan. Two, yes they use the same buildings and facilities as the rest of us. Please keep the racism out of meetings.
Well obviously. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stow away those mages guild department heads right next to the owlbear cages. It felt like it would have been the perfect cover and more importantly the perfect way to keep them guarded. ...I still wonder why they wanted us to hide them though...
Ohoho, I'm sure you've met plenty of demons, dear, but why would any demon have children OR grandchildren, that's just plain silly.
Well, if you really must know...
The secret ingredient is
But don't tell anybody! *wink*
Yeah we're all expected to be tolerant and understanding. This new age progression garbage is really bringing me down. I mean, when I was just a monk people liked to hear what I said. Then I became a drunken master and now people find everything abhorrent. I just don't know anymore...
...I don't remember. Look, it's been a long time, ok? I stopped casting the youthifying spells because they got in the way of my fireballs, but I still haven't dropped yet.
> Busts in the door
My little spider bots transmitted a message that there were cookies? Don't worry about the cards getting here by the way, my knight Tom went to go get them ahead of me.
(Funny note, the captcha was for cookies)
Yeah, but I'm still kinda skeptical about the whole thing... It isn't the first time I've had an elderly woman offer us cookies if we killed all the rats in her basement.
Hmmm... I'd go for it... but if she doesn't turn out to be an arch-demon of gluttony or whatever... then my solution would probably just make a red mess of her basement and she'd need to hire someone else to clean up the dead rats, cause I aint touching them. Not touching them when alive for that matter. Rats are gross.
Grosser than that spin the bottle session with the bullywug.
>Stomps back inside with a trio of carts tied together, filled with dire rat corpses.
Grandmother should get to baking. In the meantime, now we have something to lure the owlbears into negotiations.
Sohai, we've crossed paths how many times in places that neither of us should ever have been or cloud have reasonably been. I don't question how you manage to escape an anti-magic cage made from metalline. You don't ask how I constantly beat you into the fray or completely tasks so quickly!
Oh God my captcha is cookies now too!
There's a trick to that actually. You don't use the magic on the cage, just the floor, and you use the floor to call up a golem so big it busts the cage.. and your ribs, but the point is my way works.
Greetings fellow adventurers. I bring pleasant news! Millien Faux, Bard at Large, Takin Care of Business the sequel to my previous work Millien Faux: Bard at Large is finally on shelves at a local store near you! BUY A COPY AND READ IT
Two Draconic Curses, Sibrys Dragonmarks of passage, years of alcoholism and the simple fact that I've punched a Demi-God so hard that whenever he hears my name spoken he still flinches.
>summons several bloody wagons filled with cookies and various other pastries (baked with love)
Val iffus noa yava, tu'a juul dryun si gallat, kell nof
Thank you again, youngsters.
>disappears in a puff of black fire and smoke
It's a little hard to decide on one I really like OK! I would stick with the one my parents gave me but, I mean, who is going to respect a girl named Bloodhammer?
>Grabs a handful of brownies
I don't even care where these came from anymore, this Owlbear situation is starting to stress me out...
>Hordes all the oatmeal cookies by piling them into his bag of holding.
I stopped questioning these things. If the Owlbear needed something from us, it would have growled.
Think of a guild and start it, thats what I did a few weeks ago (usually we get more but the mages guild showed up when they're usually on fridays) Never expect a quality atmosphere, you get what you can and you enjoy it. Otherwise you're looking to do a quest (Even they get silly sometimes) You can try to do Penal Regiment, but again, it still gets silly cause people want a good time
Come along, friend. On those long journeys what better way to wind down by the campfire than to read of a handsome and dashing bards even more long and interesting journeys!
And for you my Wizard friend, maybe it's time I join this Mage's guild? Ohohohohoho
>Raises a staff with the words "No Quarter" carved into the sides, and plenty of other things besides, and begins prodding the owlbear back
"Not the fun kind of decadent and depraved, you dolt! The other kind!"
I can literally punch you so hard that you'll land on the moons surface...
Hey we tried serious last week and RNGesus made it abundantly clear that it was NOT okay for us to do.
I almost joined in there on several occasions. But I don't think that a random veteran with an extreme case of Jesse Ventura from Predator would be a good addition.
I daresay, an unfun form of decadence and depravity? My curiosity grows! Why read your poor attempts at dramatics when I can infiltrate the guild and write my OWN stories?!
The moon you say....COMPLETELY UNTAPPED TERRITORY JUST RIPE FOR EXPLORATION MY GOOD MAN
Well that's a right shame, looks like I'm keeping up with my clerical duties for a bit longer.
With a bard as dashing as you I could think of much better ways to wind down... ever played hangman? It's really fun!
>Gives a wide "I'm innocent, it's your fault if you think anything I said is dirty" smile.
Anything goes, man. I'm an alcoholic scumbag anti-psyker turned alcoholic Inquisitor's acolyte. We have a few xenos, a Rambo-wannabe, a DJ-Dreadnought, and an Assault Marine with a terrifying secret. You'd fit in, whether you play a silly or serious character.
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>Sohais Dragonmarks begin to shine brightly under his robes, the monk making a lurching motion before heaving his right fist under the bards chin for a vicious uppercut.
Let's just say that what they do is pleasing to Slaanesh and Slaanesh alone.
OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING
>Continues to force the owlbear back with his No Quarterstaff
AH! Sorry dearest, but I tend to avoid games named after any of my previous avoided dark fates. You can read more about it in chapter 6 of Book one! Until then perhaps you could teach me this new game of luck and chance!
Anticlimactic with Millien Faux: Bard at Large?! We can't have that!
>Moves into the way of the mighty blow resulting in more than a few things in the bard's head getting rattled before hitting the floor in a lump
This...Is nowhere near the moon my good man...
I'll take that Slaaneshi pleasure pit now friend...
Well, until the cards get here that'll be a little hard... but it just looks like drawing a card has some sort of random effect on the world, killed the guy I won them from... we'll see how that works on game night...
I'm probably gonna get banned from bringing games again is how this is gonna work isn't it...
Won't be as messy as the Ursine Roulette at least... that was a pain to clean up.
Is it now? I imagine I wasn't necessarily very clever with the naming but I'm not familiar enough with LoL to reference it unfortunately.
Wohoho! Are you telling me someone in this humble guild has been capable of designing the mighty dire bear launcher necessary for Ursine Roulette?!
Then clearly the next round is on me!
>Orders up a healthy mug for everyone
The sales on my last book are doing quite well you see
Now hold on friend, I haven't cursed you and if I did my curse wouldn't seep. It would explode. Repeatedly. Only way to be sure anyone stays down around here.
It was an effort. I mostly jury-rigged a ballista for the purposes. I'm not allowed near the siege workshops anymore.
My gods....How could I have been so naive.... FORGIVE GOOD HUMBLE MAN FOR MY ERRORS!
I would love to see the notes on such a device, our prototypes back home always seem to fall short.
Well... part of the reason it was an "incident" was because once I got it to START firing Owlbears... there was a bit of trouble stopping... I hope the ones in the basement aren't holding any grudges...
Yes indeed there new found sentience might give you more insight to that. Why DON'T you ask our new feathery companion?!
>Takes out pen and paper
AND I CAN RECORD IT
Rolled 12 (1d20)
>Plucks the Wyzzard up, rolls the old timer around in his arms to gain momentum and flings him down the hall in a somersaulting motion, as if the old man were a bowling ball.
Simple. Rule 1 of The Great Game.
> Pulls a cardboard game box out of her bag and reads from the back of the lid
Wait... Rule 1 is to not lose your soul. I was looking for Rule 2. Don't Die. I tend to avoid potentially angry things. Especially when they're tossing the wizard around like a wet blanket.
>Winces at the sight before shambling over and prodding Wozzy.
Get up Wozzy you're the only one who can back our proof over what happened in the basement last week!
Poor ideas make for a rich story my good humble monk.
Worry not. I've traveled this realm four times over and back again, and have encountered many a beast such as this. That disposition is totally innocent friendship I assure you.
Well there's no win condition and the only setup is to have a soul. It's not the finest game I've played but it is the longest running. Though I intend to go for a record... soon as I can extract the secret to immortality out of someone. I guess the biggest blessing is that those are the only two rules, anything else is fair game as far as The Lady is concerned... and there is the listed "Goal" of having fun too.
Rolled 1 + 50 (1d20 + 50)
>Pours some of the contents of his wineskin into a cup and hands it over.
Drink, this shit puts fire in ice and life in death.
He was there. We had a Pit Lord flinging imps at our faces when we went into the basement last week.
Rolled 13 (1d20)
Ummm.... it threw FIVE and a sixth escaped. One of the five was a pile of ash. The Pit Lord ran from us and the last imp ran after it.
>the door is slammed open
Here a tip for you would be drinkers, don't attempt to mix spider venom into cinna-ale in an attempt to improve its spicy quality.
>vomits on the door
Right, so what seems to be going on?
Sounds like the kind that knows how to host a party. If the Owlbears weren't on the large, I'd go set something up. Like a bouncy house. A bouncy house with explosive traps.
Yes, yes, you're welcome I know I'm such a nice person. Disgusting animal.
I'm glad I can spice things up around here. Someone has to do it eh, Champion Blighter?
Rolled 3 + 20 (1d20 + 20)
I am sure you were also the prettiest princess too. We've got problems. Problems that only a dragonic beast like you can solve! Owlbears are out in the arena and your insight would be greatly appreciated oh mighty wyrm!
>Bluffing to bolster the cutebolds confidence and ego to coax him into conversation so nobody asks about the basement last week.
See, that's what I tried to tell the patent office, but they wouldn't talk until I agreed to leave my spider robots back at home. Apparently the secretary guy had arachnophobia and I think it botched the whole meeting. Ended up calling me insane he did.
Uh, before you start... sorry for launching your friends into a hell portal... well... it might not have been a hell portal but after so many owl bear corpses pile up it... I'll shut up now.
He's the Guild Master... But he and a few others left earlier to deal with the Owlbears... Don't really know how.
Well now... Lets see what it wants.
Fine I'll come clean...
The basement is a cesspool of bad luck and poor experiences. Two peoples who had no right or could logically get their shit slapped by a group of imps came close to experiencing just that. I'm warning you, the pride of Wozzy and myself will not stand for that sort of encounter.
Quick question - has anyone checked whether the effects on these owlbears have left them...oh, I don't know...perhaps a bit more palatable? Edible?
In other news, we're starting to run low on materials for the Surprise-Wings-And-Ale Combination. Stop swiping snacks from the kitchen, you lot!
Arachnophobia I daresay has been the downfall of many promising endeavors. Such as my elite guard of trained eldritch knights atop giant armored spiders.
That seems....fairly reckless for a guildmaster....He's well equipped I can hope.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>Snorts/Hoots it's aggravation over the tirade.
Grrruuuuhooooo.... HOOT! Hoooo-hoooOOO. Brghhh.
>Stares at the moon light trickling into the meeting hall, walking on it's hind legs to a table. It's feathered claws opening, it leaned on the table top, it's head hung over shaking. It briefly stared down at the floor before staring outside at the moonlight again, longingly.
>Turns quickly and points an almost accusing talon at the guild.
>Snorted exhale from it's beak. It's eyes almost searching into the faces of those assembled.
Okay, you make fair points and this level of imprisonment is wrong for anything other than the worst criminals. You would need to speak to Nyle to figure out the rest of this.
Well, if /some/ fucking donkeys would stop stealing shite from my kitchen, we'd have wings for days.
At least the ale stock is good. Which reminds me, if I catch another one of you moppets trying to breach a cask again, you're going to end up next Thor's Day's Sapphire Plate Special!
I beg to disagree!
>Pulls out the formal request submitted in triplicate
I was requested to perform here three weeks ago by the guildmaster....who signed his name as....The guildmaster....
They can't leave!
Who will watch over my pilfered treasures from the Mages Gui- err, I mean, various trinkets generously donated by the nice magic users?
Well, in that case I have no issues... so long as I don't have to start watching my back. Well, more than I already do... I mean... ask the bard, I got a nice back... but I'd rather be contemplating my derrierre and not trying to catch would-be owl-bear assassins.
I can agree to that!
>In would walk Nyle Ransdorm, Guild Master of the World famous Adventurers Guild, his body beaten and bruised, but a cheerful look on his face
>Picking up a literal silver plater, Nyle would smack the Drow upside his head.
Quit being an ass and accept your punishment for stealing magic items and over feeding the Owlbears
If I didn't know any better I'd think you were calling me a liar, good sir. I'm in demand I'll have you know, and it's not easy to get in contact with one who travels as much as I!
Don't ask the bard ask me. Her rump is most splendid and jiggles with most excellency. ...uh, not that I ended up waking up in the rafters over the ladies showers and changing room again.
My attack and social rolls might be trash but I damn near never fail the reflex saves that I get for basically anything that can happen.
It was not deliberate!
>Pats the owlbear on the shoulder
Yes my feathery friend. I too long to one day visit the great silver sphere in the sky. I shall write a ballad of your legendary longing.
Explosive mechanical spiders. The only things more fun than a rousing game of Monopoly. Strip rules optional.
I'll keep that in mind, considering I just kind of waltzed in here and started making jokes from my characters point of view, I don't think I'm ready to give any of Fortuna's "Well, I'm less of a cleric and more of an engineer who happens to be a devout follower/chosen one" bark any bite.
Can we place eldritch knights atop these mechanical monstrosities?! That would surely surpass the fun of a rousing game of monopoly! My Spider Rider unit is my dream you see, but nobody seems to be capable of taming a giant spider well enough for practical use in combat.
>Once again, Nyle would smash the silver platter against the back of the drow's head
You need to open your mind. and also need to learn to NOT OVER FEED THE OWLBEARS!
lol no worries. Sohai is well into epic levels and built to piss off his enemies. Evasion and utili-tank at it's pinnacle.
I've had worse. Besides the only woman for me is waiting in the next world.
Hmm... I think scaling them up might not be a good idea... the clockwork would have too many exposed points and larger gears would grind together... I mean, if you happen to know any pixies in need of a mount then by all means, I'll draft up a modified version of my little spy-derbots. As opposed to the explosive ones.
As I mentioned earlier... repeated explosions seem to be the only way to keep anyone down around here.
Well, soft plans are that my new friend, Bob the eternally loyal, is off to my new castle to fetch a funny little tarot deck I won off a guy in a game when it killed him! I promise it's significantly less likely to end in fountains of blood than the Ursine Roulette!
And for what you pay me I oughta smack YOU with that platter.
Now put it down or no toy for you!
ONE ORDER OF JUMBO HOT RED DRAGON FRIES WITH SALAMANDER SALSA!
You want an ale with that?
>Applauds this sight. Two dozen owlbears loaded in 3 carts full of dead dire rats, scrap wood, sacks and meals file out of the guild hall. The Emissary turns and stares inside with a deep breath.
>Nods sagely as the owlbears leave.
Nah I'm good.
>Gives a concerned look as the last owlbear leaves. Waits a moment until silence fell.
Okay, so to anyone who didn't catch that last part, it was beautiful. Also keep away from those owlbears. They're taking all the magical gear with them.
Oh don't worry about that my friend!
>The Guild master would have a devilish smile on his face
I gave it away to the owlbears as compensation. Turns out they need to stay near it in order to stay sentient
Raven's fuzzy tits, were that a fookin' Owlbear jus' then like?
>Throws confetti that might or might not be made from torn book pages
Yes! They left so I don't have to convert to their moon cult, lovely as it was!
I think that's what was going on in any case. Still no idea how you guys can speak Owlbear.
If you would have simply let me remove the magical items, they would've returned to their happy ignorance!
Something you all are more than accustomed to, kekekekeke.
You pick up a few things on the road.
I've been hear all of but ten minutes, and I think it's a good time my friend.
>Has a panic attack
YOU'VE SHREDDED MY LATEST VOLUME! HOW COULD YOU!?
And ya better not give me that 'like this' and proceed to tear up more shite.
Well what the shite lads, I go 'cross Ironpeaks for a wee while fo' contract on a Frost Wyrm or two and yous bastards are 'avin' cosy fookin' fireside diplomatics wit' fookin' Owlbears.
>Dusts confetti out of her substantial eyebrows and gives Sohai and bear hug.
Yous smell like pickled eggs, boyo. Makin' me hungry like.
Tongues of Sun and Moon, members of my order, before I became the last standing, understand nearly all spoken or motioned language. It's a fine art of reading the simplest gestures, pitches and tones. It was giving quite the impassioned speech earlier, how even what we call lowly animals do not deserve such conditions. I mean it was strange to hear it's thoughts on how it was okay with that happening to what was going to be a meal but that was for hunting capture, not prolonged captivity.
Then there were it's complaints that none of the spiders that were swarming around them tasted decent.
Look at me, do I look like that sort of villain to you?
>Returns the squeezing as much as he could.
Lass you've got the stink of blood and steel on you. I bet you've got some tales of a good fight in store, aye? Come now lets hear it!
>Hands her his second wineskin and drags a bench and table over.
Correction, the Spy-derbots shredded a copy of your last volume. I bought three just 5 minutes ago.
I have no apologies for wanting a closer look at things which might or might not have wanted to murder me for accidentally killing about 50 of them before I was able to break the launcher, Dragon wing bones might have been the trick to upgrading the ballista, but they damn well make it hard to put an emergency stop on it.
Oh well if you've already purchased it your free to do as you please. Supply and demand and what not. Now about those mini spiderbots with pixie mounts... How soon could they be ready....
Cool guy. I like this guildmaster. Might write a song about this guy.
>Stomps back in.
Who is the one letting those damned beasts make off with my carts?! I go to eat and I come back to the sight of owlbears leaving town with loot and my carts. Damn it Sohai this was your doing wasn't it?
>Sits down and drops a sack on the table. The contents continues to undulate of its own accord.
Canna stop too long So, gots ta' make sure I gets the goods ta' alchemist guild while they still be fresh, tho' I reckon it still has a day or two o' beatin' yet 'fore it stops.
>She takes the wineskin with a polite nod and take a swig before taking a moment to look around.
So, tha' fook did I miss?
Well... It would take maybe a day to get the supplies for a batch of bots... I don't think I'm able to provide the pixies unless I win them in a game of chance or something and I don't usually play with the kind of people that wager sentients... modifications to the design, either for them to ride on the back of pixies and drop off like bombers or for them to accommodate pixies riding them would add a day or two each... so... Friday?
Someone hand me the Cornpopped.
One of these days, you outworlder, one of these days!
When the others aren't around, I shall strike.
And then I'll get them too! But not Clip-Clip, too cute.
>gets tripped by him on the way out and faceplants in the mud
SHIT PISS DRIDER DICK! THE MISSUS WILL KILL ME FOR GETTING MUD ON THIS FUR!
>rushes off into the night
Portals straight to Hell opened up in the basement last week. Then you just saw the sentient owlbears leaving onto some kind of journey to find their own home... Then there is a Drakon here who I haven't seen in years and is still ornery as the day I met.
Whats funny is that >>45333184 keeps saying that... But it never happens. It's causing me to lose sleep waiting for him all night so I can kill him.
Oh worry not for the pixies. I'm just as familiar with the fae people as I am with my own kin, and a particular noble owes me a few favors....Bard stuff. Ya know what I mean.
>Frowns and takes another swig.
Magic, always wit' tha' pissin' magic. Wonder it were no trouble fer yous lot, besides.
...'old up, ain't Drakon like a dragon, but from way back? 'Fore dragon proper?
Well that's a shame, seems a delightful chap if you can get past the bald ball of rage and haughtiness that is the entirety of what I saw. Would have loved to give him a few of my designs to take home. The explosive spidery ones.
Wonderful. They'll find you when they're done. Try not to crush any though, they're designed to protect each-other and the original design has a really annoying bite. Non-fatal. Just stings like hell. And starts to rot your flesh if not healed. Just annoying you know?
Long story, answer is no. Just name sake. If you see what looks like an adamantine/silver dragon, he goes by the same name. IF you see him, tell him that I need a word with the old bastard.
>Nods and points over at >>45333331
I'd say he's got a stick up his arse but he's not a dick, he's just busy or about business. Or fighting. More likely than anything else killin'. Either way, whats your haul for the alchemists this time around? It seems... lucid.
Fantastic I shall return post haste, give it a few days to be modest. Those enchanted glades can get you lost for eternity if ya don't know the proper techniques to find your way out. Lotta moss stuff. Those fae really like moss
Rolled 7 (1d20)
>the door bursts open-a weary aged goblin enters with a short sword drawn
You sons of whores have slaughtered my kin at the behest of your masters for far too long. Today I shall end you, for the good of all goblin kind.
Come on grease monkeys, let's tango.
>the goblin charges at Nyle Ransdorm (going for high roll d20)
>Peeks in through the bursted doorframe
Ah...I was told that there were magically enchanted owlbears with sentience that might've needed to be unmagified....but uh...
>Stares at the back of the goblin
This is a whole other mess of problems innit?
Oh don't worry, I said they'd find you. And they will. I might not be good with magic type stuff, but you're already tagged, all the little guys will have to do is follow the trail and I plan to incorporate mild feywild shifting into the design, know a rune mage who would be willing to help, so they'll be able to get to you wherever you might end up.
Uhh... need any help Nyle?
>Removes what appears to be a heavily modded crossbow from her back
Me and Becky here could give you a hand...
Well, I dare reckon he'll fit right in 'ere then.
>She takes another swig and then pats the sack on the table, which responds by trembling.
Frost Wyrm heart. Made mess o' t'other one, but they ain't too easy to come by this far south, seein' as it be out o' season an' all.
>She leans in closer and taps her nose with a finger, speaking in hoarse whisper.
Pulled a gallstone tha' size o' me fist outta it's bile duct, so I did. Gon' 'old onta tha' beauty fo' rainy day. Use 'em for thems afro-dee-see-acks fo' noble lot down south.
>Nyle would simply take a one step side step away from the charging goblin, before picking him up by the collar and plucking the knife from his hand
Now Now lad! You're gonna hurt yerself if you go around waving knifes at fully trained adventurers!
Wowzaz....I mean... Yeah of course! I know that! I'm well acquainted with technology! You can read about it in the next volume of Bard at Large! Which will be released in the coming months...
>Braces a defensive spell which flounders at Nyle's intervention
I...Uh...I'm not exactly sure how I feel about being complimented by a goblin...
This is by far the strangest day I've experienced in a long while.
Humble guildmaster you don't still those owlbears relieved of their arcane imbued sentience do you? I could use a drink
Alrighty then. This does look like a good show...
>Puts the crossbow away
Maybe some other time Becky. Maybe some other time...
I look forward to reading it. Engineering is basically my third passion in life, so another mechanics thoughts would be wonderful.
>Beams at him with a wide grin.
>Nyle would, through the use of only one hand, reach for a rope on a table next to him, before using it to tie the little goblin up, before throwing the rope towards the rafters, causing the little greenskin to now become the worlds worst smelling pinyata.
Lad! You need to stop doing that! You''re gonna hurt somebody!
>He'd then reach over onto one of the plates, picking up a handful of turkey stuffing before shoving it into the goblins mouth
Here, keep quiet for a while well the rest of us talk about what to do with you
>Shrugs and swigs down the dregs from the wineskin.
T'were a'right, 'nother day, 'nother ducat. Beats swattin' gobos or rats fo' couple 'o bent coppers, ya' can be sure o' tha-
>Takes the cookie while observing the confrontation with a frown.
Tha' fook is all this then?
So ladies and gents... What exactly are we gonna do with this>>45333655? I mean we could repeatedly beat it with a stick but... I don't think anything good will come out of it.
They're TO DELICIOUS!!! YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHiNG NOW!
>Nyle would then shove another hand full of turkey stuffing into the makeshift pinyata, attempting to keep it quiet.
'aven't the faintest...
>Takes a swing from his wineskin, nibbling on one of the oatmeal raisin cookies.
I don't care if this is a childish treat, these are delicious...
Oi! I almost forgot. Honest I've got something for you.
>He produced a single woven band from inside his left sleeve, handing over a leathery bracelet.
I found my spares. Beholder Optical Nerves. These things leave you immune to the eye beams of those big ugly bastards. Knowing your habits, I figured you could use one of these if some arse sends you underground.
Hello, I am here to negotiate an end to hostilities between the adventurer's guild and the greater goblin confederacy.
I see you've met one of my more zealous warriors.
But you lot have killed quite a bit of my kin, so I am sure you can understand where he is coming from.
Well, I for one think the little Gobble should somehow be punished for attacking us... as an offended grease monkey I suggest we send him back home tarred and feathered. And maybe with a bug.
See, this guy doesn't come in here weapons raised and insulting my lifestyle choices. What me and Becky have is pure.
We really need to lock the door during these meetings...
Ok I keked at that
I'm thinking we leave him tied up and feed him turkey stuffing until he explodes... Or gives us candy
Didn't we get rid of you guy a year ago...?
Right, on to the terms of our agreement.
Your guild will be contractually obligated on penalty of violent death and lots of gold to cease all hostile action on Goblin territory, the caves you're oh so familiar with in this case.
Any private venture goblin raiding parties(TM) will have to be dealt with outside of goblin territory.
In exchange, we will report the movements of dark elf raiders in the area and give a cut of the profits from the private venture goblin raiding parties(TM).
We are very hard to exterminate, I assure you.
>Takes the band and lets out a whistle.
Bugger me, So, no' exactly easy to be gettin' 'old of.
>She clasps her hands together, finger intertwined, before pressing them to her forehead and then down to her mouth, signifying her deep appreciation before her eyes. Her eyes then settle on the goblin, her smile swiftly sliding into a grimace.
Time I were off tho', lad. I've contract to finish up.
>She stands and takes her prize, slipping the woven band on with an appreciative nod. After a moments thought, she reaches into a drawstring purse and places a small bar of dull grey metal, crudely forged and about the size of her thumb, onto the table.
Dimeritium. 'Bout time I got a round in, I reckon.
You handle those alchemists and we'll have a nice suckling pig ready by the time you're back. It'll be a proper feast and we'll catch up then. Away with ya lass!
I'm tapping out guys, good night and good write.
I think I'm gonna call it too, this was a heck of a ride and I'm glad I joined, even if that means Miss Fortuna is now developing along two entirely different character paths... (She's my most recent character in a campaign too) Same time next week then if I read correctly?
>finally remembers how to walk
>Gives the goblins a taste of the No Quarterstaff
it's probably a little late this time, I just woke up and am going back to sleep. tuesdays 6pm EST