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Think of a primarch. Got it? Good. that...
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You are currently reading a thread in /tg/ - Traditional Games

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Think of a primarch. Got it? Good. that primarch is your roommate now. What happens?
>>
Fuck
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>>45236887
Godamn girly man gonna be fucking with my miniatures all the time
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I'm pretty sure, whoever he is, his weight makes him fall through the floor.
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>>45236887
Well, me being the history nerd that I am, Magnus would probabaly be pretty psyched about all that ancient Terran lore.
Maybe he can teach me warp stuff?
The real problem would probably be to get him to pay his share of the rent, can't see him holding down a job.
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>>45236887
>Magnus
Either my house is now daemons or this guy is about to convert everyone to the Emperor's cause.
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I think I'll be okay, He might even join me on the beach for some epic sandcastle building.
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A selection of similar looking men show up every so often. All claim to be the same person.
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>>45236887
I don't think my room is big enough for his wings. He'll probably molt every now and then, but I think I could see some improvements coming my way.
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>>45236947
>Darkness imprisioning me!
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>>45237030
Is the guy that drew this being paid by Alfa? A lot of his pictures appear on the series.
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>>45236947

Haha even if he doesn't murder you, your house is a fucking mess of dead bodies and chains.
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>>45237199
He keeps knocking over your stuff with his wings, but he apologizes for it every time. He's a great wing man but you're also kinda gay for him.
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>>45237264
seriously
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>>45237199
His only fuck up was not telling his father about his legion gene-seed problems
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>>45237289
>He's a great wing man
Carlos, stop.
>his when he sees the Blood Angel codex
>>45237321
That was basically it.
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Oh fuck, I thought of Angron, I'm fucked right proper aren't I?

Maybe with a whole lot of comfort food and someone being there to listen, he'll be chill enough to teach me to fight. Or maybe he'll just tear me in half like wet newspaper.
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>>45237365
>Maybe with a whole lot of comfort food and someone being there to listen, he'll be chill enough to teach me to fight. Or maybe he'll just tear me in half like wet newspaper.
All of that is going to happen, maybe at the same time.
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>>45237365
I'd put my money on the latter
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He thinks I'm weak and undeserving of life, but he might be interested in my computer shit and the fact I'm an engineer. So I might have half a chance if I start working out a lot more.
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>Alpharius
Either I never know he's there, or there are now hundreds of different people staying over, changing each night, each one of them claiming they're him.
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>>45237289
>Not being gay for Sanguinius.
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>Dorn.

Well, I need not fear a home invasion. On the other hand I better not forget where the landmines are or that the password of the hour is.
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>>45237969
Hey man, no judging. Everyone goes gay for hawkboy.
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>Playing wargames and reading books with Rowboat.
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Well, this is... less than ideal. I can only hope I'm so insignificant I escape his notice. 99% chance I'm dead though. I mean, Khârn only managed to avoid being murdered after first meeting his Primarch by surviving several minutes of Angron beating the shit out of him and then convincing him he was a kindred spirit. I can do neither of those things. Even assuming he doesn't want to kill me, all it takes is one spastic punch when the Butcher's Nails surge and I'm a mess of broken bones clinging to the wall.
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>>45236887
I'll bring Magnus along to poker nights and hope nobody turns inside out and/or explodes when he starts his warp related cheating
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>>45236947
he'd never ever do any fucking washing up. i can just tell.
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>>45236887
I move away
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>>45236887
Alright chumps, we're doing them all!

1.) The Lion: Very protective and absolutely loyal to you. Has a tendency to toy around with other guys that try to fight him, usually ends them with a single punch though. Sleeps an awful lot.

2.) You have never seen him around. If nobody had told you that he moved in, you wouldn't even know he exists.

3.) Fulgrim: Very artsy guy, always high on something, always some music playing in his room. For some reason he is extremely hot. Might be gay You'd probably be gay for him too, if he asked you

4.) Perturabo: Everytime you enter his room, you have to go around mazes filled with stuff lying around that really hurts. Think of Lego bricks, everywhere. Also a real neckbeard, big into wargaming.

5.) Jaghatai Khan: Biker guy, always on the road, barely even here. But a nice guy if you get to know him, and far more intelligent than he would seem.

6.) Leman Russ: Absolute Bro. Always brings girls, booze and food home. Can get a bit hotheaded after some drinks though. And has a weird fascination for wolves.

7.) Rogal Dorn: Moved in, first thing he did was installing an alarm system and security cams. Very confident guy.

8.) Konrad Curze: Always in his room, the whole day playing his emo music. Only leaves his room at night, insists that you call him "The Night Haunter". Creepy.

9.) Sanguinius: Best friend you can imagine. You wonder how he keeps his hair in such perfect condition, even though he's constantly training, gets in fights with the biggest assholes in town and still finds time to study and work.

10.) Ferrus Manus: That guy is ripped! Never seen without his gloves, and big into blacksmith stuff. Not much else to talk about him.
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>>45239909
11.) Who?

12.) Angron: Holy anger management Batman! You can't take this guy anywhere, as he randomly starts fights with everyone who looks at him the wrong way. But you also feel bad for him, as he seems to be really lonely.
13.) Roboute Guiliman: Always making big plans for the weekend, but they never work out the way he wants. Still makes the best out of it, and it usually works out. Seems to be from a rich family, as he always has more stuff than you, more friends than you and more money than you.

14.) Mortarion: He started off as a nice guy, but always a bit smelly. Nowadays, you don‘t dare to enter his room anymore, every time you walk by you almost puke, and you‘re sure that mold probably shouldn‘t grow on doors. Mmight also be /pol/ and maybe /k/ incarnate, as he always talks about „military superiority“ and „purity of race“ and „killing the xenos“.

15.) Magnus: Your stereotypical nerd. Easily sunburned if he ever leaves the house. Sometimes very depressed, you sometimes hear him cry over his lost friends.

16.) Horus: If you thought Sanguinius was great, wait until you meet him! Very charismatic and caring, great wingman and encouraging. Inspires you to become better at anything you try, and he‘s always there to help you out. Although, in the last few weeks you heard rumours about him trying to set your house on fire and trying to murder his dad.

17.) Lorgar: He doesn‘t just go every sunday to the church, he is praying before any event, no matter what. He makes himself a breakfast? Prayer. Trying to tie his shoes? Prayer. Open the fridge? Prayer. Told you that he had an argument with his father, concerning religion.
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>>45239933
18.) Vulkan: By the Emperor, what a guy! Makes awesome things for you, his metalworks are among the finest you have ever seen. Strong as fuck and a total bro. But has a weird fascination for fire...

19.) Corvus Corax: You barely ever see him, or at least not if he doesn‘t want you to. Seems to work on some kind of jetpack, but you‘re not sure if that will work out. Big into ornothology and flying in general. Seems to have a dark past though (or really likes Prog Metal) as he always whispers „Nevermore“.

20.) There is no such Roommate I AM THE ROOMMATE
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>Russ
Yeah, he'd probably consider me a nerd and shit.
But hey, booze and girls, can't go wrong with that.
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>>45236947
Curze would probably skin you alive when you neglect to follow his housekeeping rules.
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>>45236887
Perturabo. Things seem fine at first, he's a bit of a nerd and he's great at redecorating. Part of our chores arrangement is that he takes out the trash, and I do the dishes. Makes sense, he's stronger than me so it's easier for him to hoist all our garbage around, and I take great pride in making sure our dinnerware looks nice.
He slowly becomes withdrawn and unpleasant, then flips shit when we have some friends over for dinner and they mention how nice our dinnerware looks, while neglecting to mention the excellent job he's done decorating the place.
Six months later he trashes the place and murders me while screaming about how he was forced to do the dirty work of taking out the garbage while I got to bask in the Emperor's affection by doing the dishes.
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>>45238468
>hour

It changes minute by minute in a complex 65000 bit encryption key. You need to calculate what it will be.
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>>45240848
01000010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001111 01101101 01101110 01101001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100001 01101000 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01101111 01101100 01111001 00100000 01101111 01101001 01101100 00100000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01101100 01101001 01100011 01100001 01110100 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00101110 00101110
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>Perturabo
I ask him about his stories, listen attentively, and acknowledge that he was an extremely important part of the heresy.
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>Magnus
>Have a thing for nerds with long hair
>Mfw
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>>45241033
010001000110100101100100001000000111010001101000011001010111100100100000011011010110111101110110011001010010000001010100011011110110000101110011011101000110010101110010001000000101001101100101011110000010000001000100011000010111100100100000011101000110111100100000011101000110111100100000010101000110111101100100011000010111100100111111
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>>45237452

I thought he was the opposite of that and his legion was even more autstic than him.
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>>45241412
>010001000110100101100100001000000111010001101000011001010111100100100000011011010110111101110110011001010010000001010100011011110110000101110011011101000110010101110010001000000101001101100101011110000010000001000100011000010111100100100000011101000110111100100000011101000110111100100000010101000110111101100100011000010111100100111111
>Did they move Toaster Sex Day to to Today?

What?!
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>>45241535
>He doesn't know about toaster sex day
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>>45241676
>>45241412
010001010111011001100101011100100111100100100000011001000110000101111001001000000111001101101000011011110111010101101100011001000010000001100010011001010010000001010100011011110110000101110011011101000110010101110010001000000101001101100101011110000010000001000100011000010111100100101110
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>>45236947
Watc batman tas with him?
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>>45241535
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>>45241514
Opposite of what?
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>>45236887
Vulkan.

He has set his bedding on fire five times last year, and twice this year already. I used to have carpted floors... No longer.
Still, aside from his work constantly sparking enough to set things in close proximitproximity on fire he's a really nice guy, and helps repair anything he breaks. Hell, I haven't had to buy any new appliances, call the plumber or electrician since he moved in. Just grabs it, takes it to his workshop area and an hour later it works better than it did before. Still not sure how he managed to add an "instant cook" button on the oven or how it works.

I swear I thought he killed himself one time when he shocked himself messing around with a battery made up of car batteries. But just as I was calling for an ambulance the dude gets up and tells me he's fine. And I swear he wasn't breathing or had a heartbeat a minute earlier, but he really didn't need it as it turned out.
So yeah. A bit lax with safety standards but a great a handyman and a fantastic bro.
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Aside from Hawkboy's wings, I think we've kinda forgotten that these mofos are tall as all fuck in addition to being swole as shit.

Which I don't think is compatible with normal and/or shitty human housing.
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I get instantly purged in a rain of metal, psychic might, and fury before I can even extend my hand to shake.

Doesn't matter which primarch it is. The result will be the same for the heresy I have committed.
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>Ferrus Manus
Well this will be interesting
I'm not augmented and I know not to comend his I should be fine hopefully.
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>>45241514
I think it's just augmenting the body he does not like.
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>>45236887
Come to think of it do we have any info on the primarchs of the rainbow warriors and Valedictors from back when they were still considered first founding.

Although as far as I'm concerned they still are.
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>>45247255
Although now that I think about it they lost there status in the very second edition dident they so I guess there probably isent much data at all.
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>>45239668
Being a dick to your friends and not going for broke at a casino... glad I don't really know you anon
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>>45236887
I don't know. What normally happens when you have a dead roommate?
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>>45247435
If you've got Magnus "I'm sorry, was that your titan?" the Red as your roomie, you can aim much higher than cheating at cards at a casino.

Though it would let you survive if you did cheat at cards and got the mob angry at you.
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>>45246540
You may have a point there.
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>>45247548
I mean Alpharius/Omegon might be able to squeeze through a normal door, but Hawkboy sure as fuck ain't getting through shit.
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>>45247708
Magnus presumably knows enough biomancy to compact himself down into merely a big dude. So if you picked him you're in luck.
And if he doesn't he's a shit psyker.
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>>45247848
The only better psyker than Magnus was the Emps himself iirc.

Third place went to Malcador, who could put Angron to sleep with a touch iirc.
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>>45236887

Alpharius and Omegon are my roommates. They have identical rooms and while each has his own identified room I am sure they routinely switch around to fuck with me. Those kidders.

Somehow they manipulate me into paying all the rent and all the bills and make me feel like I'm getting an awesome deal out of it.
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>>45247943
Although you only ever see one of them, even though they insist there is 2 of them. You also get concerned when guys who are definitely shorter than them come and say they are them.

C'mon anon remeber the basics
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>>45236887
The Lion eh? He probably notices my collection of figures painted in his legions colors, briefly smirks at me and then we never talk again. We develop a deep bond Despite the fact that we've never talked all that much and I feel this sense of loyalty from him. Then after he had a fight with his mentor he just starts sleeping a fuckton
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>>45237030
He will be an insane Math Teacher.
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>>45237292
>>45237264
He is, i think he is also part of his memetastic chapter.
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It probably wouldn't matter as I'd just sit in my room and just perpetually give small talk each time we bumped in the kitchen because I am too awkward to become real friends with any of my roomates.
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>Lion'El Johnson
How fucked am I?
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>>45236887
Best lavalamp ever
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>>45246540
At least Magnus can alter his size, confirming once again that he's the best Primarch who can do no wrong.
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>>45237030
I also got magnus. But, I yot a place on my own just to get away from that shit, so we're gonna have some real problems fast.
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>Angron

Fuck.
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>>45236887
Sanguinius keeps staring creepily at me and asking if i need help draining the blood from the blisters i got when I smashed my thumb the other day.
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>>45248818
If he was still online I'd ask him.
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>>45250403
>just got a place of my own to get away from that shit
So wait, you were plagued by whispers from the Warp, daemonic incursions and forbidden knowledge tearing through your psyche BEFORE you moved and Magnus moved in?
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I thought of Magnus.

Deep nerd shit.
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>>45250339
No matter his shapeshifting, he'll never be as magnificent as Sanguinus.
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>>45237118
This
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>>45247848
I wonder of Magnus could alter himself to merely be of large size to the person regarding him?
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Well, whatever else happens, I have the top bunk.
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>>45239959

>I AM THE ROOMMATE

40k keks
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>>45248818
I thought it was Nos. Who did all the drawing...
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>>45241802
01000010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01110011 01101000 01101001 01110000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001111 01101101 01101110 01101001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100001 01101000 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 01110100 01100101 01101011 01100001 01101100 00101100 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00111111
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Given the shit some of his kids got up to, would Magnus be a raging kleptomaniac as well?
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>>45252770
Definitely. He got into a fight with Russ once because he wanted to steal all the books in a library while Russ wanted to burn it down.
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>>45239558
What if we ammend this whole thing to "you are indestructible but still feel pain" that would be a lot more fun.
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Jonson. Loyal buttsexings all round!
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>>45237030
>Ancient Terra lore
You mean...tthe present?
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>ywn live with Perturabo, and have a classic sitcom scenario where he paints a line down the middle of the apartment after a fight, but lines his side of the apartment with auto-turrets, razor wire, and landmines, all because you accidentally knocked over his lego castle while drunk.

Life is unfair
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>>45239558
How did the other gladiators in Angron's rebellion ever survive being around him? I mean, is it that he chills out around other people who want to be free?
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>>45254075
He is loyal to those he considers to be his brothers. For instance, once he realizes that Khârn is from a similar brotherhood of warriors, he carries him back to the other World Eaters to be healed. And if he's not actively being pissed off by something he can keep his aggression under control. He has severe anger management issues, but he isn't mindless.
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