Magic item thread? Magic item thread.

>>45234566
>strong
>fragile
no thanks

>>45234566
What
That's stupid.

>>45234566
>delicate touch
>lesbian
lol

>ITT: sufficiently unfamiliar dril is indistinguishable from reality

>>45234920
imagine pure innocent love of young girls, not Moon over June

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>>45234566
You wasted those dubs on this shit post.
Do you feel good now, faggot? You wasted good dubs on that! THEY COULD HAVE GONE TO SOMEONE IN NEED! THEY COULD HAVE MADE A DAY; BUT YOU WASTED THEM!

>>45235983
What the fuck.

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>>45236027
FATAL

>>45235613
Are lesbians just anime and webcomics to you? Have you not met any real ones? They're not all butch, but neither are they particularly renowned for their gentleness.

A magic item based around real lesbianism would be something like a Bag of Tricks that only summons large dogs, or a wand that makes people want to move in with you after five dates.

>>45236106
>Have you not met any real ones?
Have you seen a real magic sword?

>>45236128
I've seen several. They went all the way through the box but didn't stab the lady.

>>45236242
>>45236117
>>45236093
>>45236073
>>45236050
>>45235983
These are fucking hilarious.

>>45235983
It doesn't exactly specify who gets pregnant.

>>45236171
Laugh.gif

>>45236324
Well, powerful items often come with a risk.

>>45236242
>>45236117
>>45236093
>>45236073
>>45236050
>>45235983
Truly a game ahead of its time.

>>45236171
Exactly. They don't effect women, and visa versa. So lesbians would theoretically be able to wield ultra fragile magic swords. There's no yin-yang transfer from lesbian sex, so the magical enchantment would be preserved from defiling energies.

>>45236242
>My name is Chucky
>I have no penis
>And I must cum

>>45236414
but why ONLY lesbians? Sounds like what it would be looking for is virgins, in the classical sense. A lesbian might still have received dickings, forcibly or just because it's the done thing. And I'm still not seeing the link between gentleness and whether you've received a dicking.

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>>45236414
>>45236701
GUYS WAIT

>>45236106
>Have you not met any real ones?
As a matter of fact, I have not. Couple girsl that swinged both ways, but never a genuine lesbian. Not that I know of anyway.

>>45236895
Both Touga and Kyouichi have claimed the Rose Bride and used the sword.

>>45236701
>>45236414
>>45236171
>>45236128
>>45236106
>>45235613
>>45234920
>unironically having a debate over a dril tweet
Let me tell you something, you guys are not as clever as you think you are.

>>45237487
From my understanding I was participating ironically.

>>45236117
How do you tell wether it's working or not?

>>45237487
Shut up, anon. It's an interesting idea.

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>>45234566
Aside from lesbian, this is literally the description of one of the swords from Katanagatari.

>>45236093
>>45236242
>'fuckstick' and 'cummer' are rules terms
>consult Vaginal Circumference Potential and Ripped Orifice in Chapter 3
>everything about the Jar of Jacking Off
Even after all this time I continue to be amazed at FATAL

So any non magical realm magical items?

>>45234566
dude I fuckin love wint.

>>45238694
Dude looks like a lady.

A pocket watch from another dimension where time travels backwards, it carries a bit of it's origin's peculiarity and makes the time around it go backwards when activated. Problem is, whenever someone activate it, it instantly deactivate itself for obvious reasons.

>>45236319
Sure but the thing is the author was completely serious about all this.

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cursed magical items?

>>45239553
He was too fabulous for this cruel world

>>45240214
This is why I hate SCP. There are some interesting, well thought out ones, and then there are fucking dumb ones like hoodies. I remember reading one about a creature that takes the shape of a jar of toenails. It's just shameful.

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>>45240360

You're missing out.

The really bad ones get downvoted to deletion within a few hours, I've just taken to browsing the 'new uploads' list to catch a few for posterity.

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>>45234566
>Valkyrie_Drive_concept.png

>>45240559
Oh, that looks magical.

>>45240559
I have to wonder about the kind of people that write these? Do they just have no sense of what is actually weird or unsettling? Are they tweens? Is Slender the height of horror?

>>45236050
What if the character succeeds?

>>45244634
>If the Health check is passed, then the character does not break their neck and, due to depression, lose all sexual interest for 1d6 months.

It says right there.

>>45240559
I heard there was drama a while ago, all references to rape were removed, and it all went to hell.

>>45244671
But it should be depression if they fail to blow themselves but succeed in not breaking their neck.

Presumably the authors of FATAL have tried many a time to blow themselves but never made it, and assumed it was physically impossible, but presumably the rules of FATAL imply that a dude can have a penis stupidly large enough to blow by craning their neck forward slightly.

Just one of the many oversights in the rules that prevent FATAL from winning Game Of The Year All Years

>>45244671
I think he means if the character is able to suck himself.

>>45240360
I would rather that then the uber powerful monsters and shit they are infested with.

>>45244730
Wait what

Ignoring sexual horror is like ignoring

Well I can't auctualy think of an analogy but the point is it's an important part of horrer and you need to draw on all aspects of a genre for a project of that size

>>45246630
Yup. They're not very smart at SCP

>>45246630
They didn't remove all of it, they just removed all the bits where rape was added onto an otherwise unrelated SCP to make it edgier. I think it was mostly one of the head writers, who used to have a habit to put rape in everything, just going back through his old entries and cleaning up.

>>45237487
Oh shit, it's the No Fun Fuzz

The twelve perfected deviant blades of Shikizaki Kiki

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>>45235983
Delete this.

>>45234566
Seems pretty gay

>>45250293
I prefer the sword that makes people think they're good with swords.

>>45250293
Oh my stars and stripes is that precious. Any more?

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>strong crystal lesbians so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of another lesbian

The Steven Universe manga is weird

>>45236073
It's a temporary effect that triggers whenever you pick the shield up

That seems poorely designed

Well by raw they don't really say what triggers it but that's the only possibility.

>>45246836
Ah well that's fair enough I suppose

>>45240559
I just hate the overuse of redactions and classified labels more then anything.

I read a bunch of 'strange' fiction, and here's some of my favourite magic items in them. They're more suited to a modern world, so something like World of Darkness

An Adjustable Umbrella - This colourful rainbow umbrella has a dial so you can turn down your umbrella and filter out the low quality raindrops, to recieve the best raindrop that the weather designers have created in the day's precipitation.

Shadow-cutting Knife - This used and unassuming kitchen knife, wrapped in black cloth, is unable to cut through anything but the tenebrous. It cuts shadows deeply and easily, and it is even able to completely, permanently and painlessly cut them off the object casting the shadow itself. Some treat the shadow as a delicacy to be prepared simply, fried with a dash of sunflower oil.

Molten Rose - A small apothecary vial with two tubes (one for the intake of water, another for seeds) that contains within it a single molten rose, an unstable jet of color and fragrance, whirling against the glass. Scars can be seen along the inner surface of the container. What appears to be throrns within the fluid shifts against the glass, following it's repetitive elliptical current.

??? - A nameless sword, coarse and battle-worn. A zipper begins near it's hilt and spans the length of the flat of the blade. A few short tugs on its tab and the steel comes loose, revealing a layer of soft material that swells and reddens upon the exposure to open air. The understeel is warm and tender to the touch like an open wound.

Flintlock Automaton - An iron mannequin with knots of jellied sawdust around gunpowder-coated copper wires as its brain. The hammer and frizzen of a firing mechanism rests between its two lobes, positioned so they can remain exposed outside of the android's metal skull. A single idea, emotion, or task is all that the automaton can manage, as its brain is entirely destroyed the moment it is triggered.

>>45252389
One more. It's hard to rework the excellent prose into item descriptions, but there's a lot of well written stuff out there. SCPs sucks because most people don't fucking know how to write.

Taxidermy Rabbit - This mechanical taxidermy rabbit was once the prize prey of a hunter. Its fur has been stuffed with wooden bones and glass organs, an artificial blood made of blackberry syrup, gunpowder and crushed fireflies (amongst other things), pumps in its crystalline veins. It had been commissioned by the hunter to let him relive the moment of his triumph over nature, but it was unable to be paid for. Despite it's realistic visage and its ability to move, it is clear from its behaviour that it is not the animal it once was. For its legs bend in strange directions, and its head only ever face north.

>>45235613
>Moon over June
[triggered]

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>>45252389
>>45252511
What are the source for these? They're amazing

>>45238694
Man, that was a great fight.

>>45253704
Truly, the most impressive sword fight of this era.

>>45236242
>fetus will explode
>baby parts are inexplicably everywhere
>inexplicably
Whatever you say, man.

>>45253423
They're from are from 'North of Reality' by UEL ARAMCHEK. It's a short fiction project, updated every few days. A few are just short enough copy and paste. So here's one

Books in Jars:

Magnetic ink was an intriguing literary innovation, in that it allowed for books to be stored without the use of paper. Through liquid encoding, each cluster of molecules could remember the alphabet and sequence it belonged to previously, allowing the words to arrange themselves autonomously once splattered against a surface. Ultimately, this led to the phenomenon of storing books in jars as pools of undifferentiated ink, where they waited for surfaces upon which to imprint themselves.

As one might expect, this led to experimentation. Liquid books were mixed and shaken, forcing the words within to compromise on their ordering. The results were surprisingly intelligible, revealing that pattern and plot could somehow survive the combinatoric chaos of fluid dynamics. Cookbooks could be combined with one another to rapidly permute recipes, or with fiction to lead towards previously impossible flavors. Fiction and nonfiction showed surprising affinity; they seemed to recognize something in one another as they entangled. “It could be said that the books are reading each other when we combine them,” one scholar noted. “What worries me is that they seem to also understand each other.”

The most terrifying results were not recognized until decades later, after certain volumes had been allowed to ferment in an Oxford wine cellar. After persisting for too long unprinted, these restless works of literature had become authorless grimoires and volumes of horror previously unwritten. Analysis showed that the ink had learned how to read its own contents by printing against itself repeatedly, resulting in complex, pathological deviations of plot that reflected the personality of each jar. Only a handful of characters ever managed to survive the fermented editions of their novels.

>>45254039
>they're from are from

that's what you get for editing things to cut away characters when tired.

>>45254446
annndd wrong thread sorry

>>45254505
link to the real one, I was gonna respond to that

>>45254530
I found it here >>45254522

>>45234844
More like
>lesbians
>delicate

>>45236414
>There's no yin-yang transfer from lesbian sex
That's a good way to make an energy imbalanced demon. Dies that mean lesbians are inherently evil

>>45251523
>The Steven Universe manga
Wew lad that's some nice b8.
>lesbians
They're thoroughly androgynous and genderless

>>45256265
Actually, the show's creators have consistently referred to gems as a one-gender-race. All gems are female, and thanks to the recent episodes showing us the distant past, we know that gender isn't something the Crystal Gems picked up from humans; all gems consider themselves female.

>>45256640
I was referring to Houseki no Kuni, idiot. I don't give a single shit about your poorly drawn tumblr faggot cartoon.

>>45236242
Am I a powergamer for immediately thinking about the implications of d4 damage over d4 miles? It looks like a reasonably common item too, given that it's found on a 1-50 on the relevant treasure table.

You could very well kill most of the low-level population of a town, even with one of these things, not to mention the ecological damage.

>>45244730
Welcome to replacement theory.

>>45246836
Do they still have the awful tryhard entry where a woman needs to be raped because it prevents the end of the fucking world?

I'd have a tough time picking out my favorite items I've read about, but to date my favorite magic items I've made for my party include:

A cloak that is lined with really comfy fur on one side and is embroidered cloth using golden thread that depicts a lost city on the other. It grants the wearer constant immunity to hot and cold weather depending on what side you're wearing in.

A delicate pair of golden spectacles that grant the user an inherent +10 to Appraise and allow them to instantly know the value of any item worth less than 10k gold (and make educated guesses on items worth more than 10k.)

A quiver of chaotic arrows that use a d3 to determine the size of the arrow fired and a d10 to determine what kind of effect the arrow has (there was shit like ele damage, tripping, smoke, nothing at all, two effects, etc.)


None of them are particularly flashy, but they're pretty flavorful and that's what I wanted most out of the items.

>>45256971
That's gotta be one of the most bullshit things I've ever heard.

>>45240559
I used to think they did actually try to be scary or some shit when I first heard of it. Then I realised they're just a bunch of shit writters.

I'll however say the ones that are self-aware put out the few good ones they have.
Here's one I think you'd all like.
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1171

>>45257368
They never outright stated it, they said that they have to do something horrible to her, and that anyone working with that SCP who request memory wipes are granted them, no questions asked.
Also that whatever it is they do, it necessitates that the SCP be horribly traumitized, so they mindwipe her every three times, so she doesn't become numb to it.

>>45234566
>you will never play a game set in the world of dril tweets

>>45251736
'whenever a male holds this shield' - so presumably any time you have it in your hand, all you can think about is how good a weapon your dick would make
the more important part to rule lawyer is really how smacking people around with your 3ft dick works - is unleashing your penis a free action? does it take any kind of action to unleash it? is it even possible RAW because no real action is associated with it?
furthermore does 'and smack opponents for damage like a hammer' mean that it immediately targets all opponents when it's unleashed, or that it can be wielded like a hammer and requires you to actively attack with it, or that it attacks independently of yourself? the possibilities are endless.

it may just be possible to unleash your dick from your pants and instantly kill everybody in the room before you've even started your turn

>>45257599
>alternate dimension thing throwing around racist rants about humans

Gotta steal that for my next campaign.

I think there were also some nice somewhat serious items on that site, like a gem of change gender that could escalate into body horror if overused.

>>45257918
You might be thinking if that amulet of healing thing that if left on too long turns you into a superhumanly strong psychic squid thing

Why not fun ones?

>Squirrrel's Delight
An enchanted acorn with an iron cap, every hour it will regrow it's shell and fruit from the cap. Can be planted once, and will quickly grow into a perfectly tall, thick, and fruitful tree.

>Bare Bear's Bear Bare
A whipped, brown tortose colored cream that, if rubbed on bare skin, grows out coarse, dark brown fur, staying there as the cream turns to plaster and sets into a leathery fabric. Adored by taxidermists. Noted with a warning; Beware of Bears, Buffalo, Wills, Cans, Hads, If It Is', and 가.

>Cup of Witholding
This simple chalice seems to be designed by a fool- having a perfect spout on the bottom for which water channels through. However, undrinkable fluids never pass it's mouth.

>>45258076
>However, undrinkable fluids never pass it's mouth.
So, poisons and things? huh?

>>45258124
Yeah, that one's kinda boring now that I think of it.

>>45250293
>>45240559
>>45240214
Luckily shit like this gets deleted within a day or so.
>>45257599
>>45244730
>tfw wiki oldfag of many years
>Tfw quality has fallen overall since we reached to 2000 series
>tfw SJW type bullshit and edgy teen fanfic trash is slowly creeping/ not getting deleted anymore.

>>45258143
No, I mean, I don't understand it

>>45256971
You better believe it, it's way too popular to ever be removed. It's why I never understand people complaining about rape being removed when Rape: The SCP is still alive and well.
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-231

I seem to recall them changing the censorship so they were no longer implying that the subject girl could have an age in the single digits but I must have remembered wrong, that's still there.

>>45258246
my intention was that yes. However it would also be funny if it was marked "No undrinkable fluid may pass my spout" and it just so happens that they were being literal, as you could drink anything from water to molten pewter uninhibited; it's simply not advisable to drink.

>>45258308
I think they actually changed it to be worse. I recall seeing somebody commenting that at least the minimum age of the girl was listed in double digits, and somebody then commenting he changed it to single digits to make it worse.

>>45257959
Nope: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-113

Though the squid amulet sounds more interesting.

>>45258308
I don't fucking get it, what happens if they don't keep raping this girl? She gives birth to some super demon or something?

I've re-read this scp like four times now, am I missing something?

>>45258308
>She has to be aware of what is going on

Oh for fucks sake, that's just straight out trying to be the most evil entry on the side.

>>45253753
the world will never see it's equal.
Anyone who missed that for any reason has forsaken their right to call something "epic" ever again.

>>45258462
They must have changed it. I do remember the genderbender rock, but back when I read it there was less SJW gender identity faggotry and shitty le wacky scientist memes about them using the rock to prank people.

>>45258532
Yes. She's pregnant with the spawn of Cthulhu or whatever, and for some reason they can't just kill her or remove the fetus, so they have to keep temporarily killing it/stopping it's gestation with some procedure strongly implied to involve rape.

>>45258673
The psychological part of it is also implied to be important, because they have to give her brain a wipe occasionally to keep her from becoming desensitized to it.

>>45258600
I honestly don't remember that part too.

But the identity part isn't that bad; it's basicly just saying the object doesn't do shit to the mind and that theres no bullshit like the "gaining a female soul" you get in Japanese fiction.

>>45258673
This scp makes no fucking sense. It's evident that while the Deep-Spawn the others birthed fucked shit up, they still got killed and shit.

Just fucking end her and deal with the infant Dagon she gives birth to.

>>45234844
Strong materials are often fragile.

Consider the difference between a carrot and chewed bubble gum. The carrot will stretch very little before breaking. The chewed bubble gum, on the other hand, will plastically deform enormously before finally breaking.

>>45258755
>One final note: The Foundation does many distasteful things in the completion of our mission, but our mission is important enough that the price is one we must pay. Containment of SCP-231 is one of our most dangerous duties, not because of any direct danger to ourselves (like SCP-682) but because of the danger that our resolve will fail, that we will allow ourselves to either let down our guard due to sympathy for the suffering of an innocent, or that we will allow ourselves to become monsters through the performance of monstrous acts. Just do your jobs, and save the philosophizing for the shrink.

I like this SCP just because of this part right here.
They don't care about unleashing another horrifying monster thing since they can kill it and they don't care about casualties, they keep it to remind everyone who works there that what they do there can be pretty fucked up, but it has to be done.

At the same time, this SCP contradicts that message and also embodies the underlying sense of "is this really necessary? is what they're doing really okay and for the right reasons?" that permeates a lot of SCP articles, because they keep this thing around NOT because it's necessary, but only as a reminder.

>>45236106
Pretty sure that's why he pointed out Moon over June as an unrealistic example.

Also, it really bothers me that the doctor rapes her patients. Still fapped though.

>>45258188
I blame the day they decided to make artivles killing off shit SCPs instead of just deleting, too many SCPs that interact with others and all the cult of personality that formed around some SCPs or members.
It's unsalvagabe now.

>>45258877
That seems really dumb. "Just do your jobs, and save the philosophizing for the shrink" seems to directly contradict the idea that they're only keeping it there as a reminder of some kind of mission statement. Why are you citing that contradiction as evidence? It doesn't make any sense.

>>45258877
I guess if that's what they're trying to get across then fine, but the SCP still doesn't sit well with me.

I should submit the idea I had about a urinal that allows you to talk to historical figures that walk up and use the urinal next to you, whether there's a urinal there or not. Man or woman, doesn't matter, a historical figure walks up and has a piss next to you.

>>45258962
>Talking to people in a public restroom
What the fuck

>>45258751
>it's basicly just saying the object doesn't do shit to the mind and that theres no bullshit like the "gaining a female soul" you get in Japanese fiction.
It was also saying dumb shit like the stone reads your mind and tries to fit your "ideal gender identity" including "nonbinary gender identities" instead of just being a weirdo genderbender rock.

And the fact that said bullshit was included in what's supposed to be a scientific report is what got me eyes rolling.

>>45258962
I like it. To me, SCP is at its best when dealing with Weird Shit rather than Another Murder-Apocalypse Sphere

>>45258877
I thought it was more they need to remind people of why that shit is necessary, since they predicted the last rape demon thing would be capable of ending the world

>>45258999
You don't socialize with people in public restrooms?

It's a captive fucking audience. Some people don't wanna talk to you but you can pick up on that with just body language and what not. Others are ready to have a chat over a piss, doesn't matter to them.

>>45259026
Semi-mundane scps are always more interesting because they're almost always more likely to hit the suspension of disbelief zone.

>>45259026
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-006-j
Let's be honest, this is the best page on the site.

>>45259098
>not the spoon
how about fuck you

>>45259098
>Posting a J article that isn't this one
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-014-j

>>45258962
I like your idea enough that I'd argue it has no place in the current SCP

>>45259008
Didn't see that one. Yeah, that's bullshit.

>>45259057
Not him, but in general where I'm from it's frowned upon. It can happen, especially if you are already in conversation when you go in, but we're unlikely to initiate it.

We also have a thing about trying not to occupy adjacent urinals, and possibly stalls, if there's any other spots available. And for some reason I just remembered the second Lije Bailey novel by Asimov, where he goes to the planet with one person per 20,000 miles or so. They get actual panic attacks if they see a person physically. I wonder if the low population density is a factor to our own taboo?

>>45259146
>>45259122
oh, it was a fork?
Odd, thought it was a spoon.

Object SCPs tend to be okay. I like that tank who fires by himself and the camera that shows what others are thinking (and then they felt the need to use the camera on their fucking awful characters because I surely care about what those do).

The museum of you is also kinda cute.

>>45259176
It probably doesn't. It'd get...whatever the fuck they use for moderation and acceptance into oblivion.

Shame, I'd fancy a chat with Tesla, Patton and Alexander.

>>45259180
Maybe? I've lived in cities and suburbs all my life, I'm used to lots of people.

>>45259180
I doubt it is, I have the same aversion to socializing in a bathroom and I'm in one of the more densely populated parts of America.

>>45258931
>Just do your jobs, and save the philosophizing for the shrink
seems more to me like "don't question what we do here".

I should also have clarified more that the second part isn't really the article itself but more what I think is kind of a neat layer to it. It's certainly serving a purpose in SCP, like the inverse of "team morale". Everyone has to know it's there and it exists so they remember they do terrible shit working for SCP and absolutely cannot fail to do it. But at the same time, it's arguable if it's justified to keep torturing someone for just that.

They torture someone just to remind the workers that they do bad shit at the facilities, which is pretty fucked up and pointless. But at the same time it can kind of be seen as serving a point because it reminds people that they do bad shit so no one who works there is ever unprepared to do bad shit where it really counts, because that will have REAL consequences.
It adds to the morally gray nature of the SCP Foundation as a whole.

>>45258877
Don't forget the fact that each time they tried to stop it and she gave birth, the results gained in power each time.

No, we have not given up trying to save SCP-231-7, but research in that field must be carried out with the utmost of caution. Based on the increased potency of each subsequent ████████████ event associated with each subsequent SCP-██ specimen, there is a strong possibility that SCP-231-7's ████████████ event could result in an XK class end-of-the-world scenario. This information is corroborated in notebooks recovered from the cultists (see document "Seven Brides, Seven Seals," SCP-231-Adjunct B).
No, putting the poor girl out of her misery is NOT an option. Neither is drugging her. She has to be aware of what is going on for 110-Montauk to work.

Anyways, is it possible that it's really just something done to make a statement? Look at SCP-2317

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2317

Tabs at the top are clickable.

>>45259324
Why not just launch her into the sun?

>>45259299
>They torture someone just to remind the workers that they do bad shit at the facilities, which is pretty fucked up and pointless.
Except the implication you've made here is that they do it JUST to remind the workers that they do bad shit, and not for any other reason. To begin with, I find that assumption baseless. A fucking ton of shit in SCP eschews any sort of relationship with physics as we know them. There's no reason to believe that they don't have to do this in order to prevent whatever abomination is in there from being birthed: that possibility was invented by you.
Second of all, even if this was the case, it's safe to assume that it was not a shrink who ordered this kind of thing to take place, which would mean that whoever is saying the statement
>Just do your jobs, and save the philosophizing for the shrink."
is being actively hypocritical.

>>45259299
see >>45259299

For what is released from the seven seals of the seven brides.

Oh, and the current iteration of SCP-231 is the seventh one. Because she dies each time she gives birth and is then re-born (or when she commits suicide.) So we are on SCP-231-7. And it's related to SCP-2317.

Also, if you go to it on mobile there's secret files you can open.

It's subtle and ties into SCP-001: 05 and http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-001-05 SCP-001 http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-001.

And it's possible that what SCP-231 gives birth to is the full form of SCP-058 (note that the births are only two blacked out numbers so it has to be an SCP from 1-99.)

It's much more than just a shock piece, but one of the better interactive "mysteries" that exists on the site.

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2319

I'm incredibly disappointed that this isn't related to a sock in some way.

>>45259413
Because if it doesn't work then it's an XK extinction event, and they're on their last Bride/Seal