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That Guy
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I just need a that guy thread to vent here, /tg/

>Tryna DM a homebrew game
>Have had to deal with a guy the entire game who wanted to play as an "ebin randum crazy guy xD"
>Interrupts me in the middle of my talking while I'm trying to set the scene or something to make a shitty joke
>"You find yourself in a long hallway with a doorway at the end-"
>He interrupts me, "What kind of material is the door made out of?"
>"Uh, it's like a mahogany."
>"So you're saying this place has wood!?!?! XDDDDD"
>Long silence as he stares at the table thinking he just made the funniest joke ever

>Another guy at the table whose been playing for half a year and doesn't bother to learn of the fucking rules and then proceeds to get mad at me when his empowerment fantasy sucks ass compared to the other characters
>And refuses to even bother learning the rules because it's "too hard"
>3.5 game
>fighter fighter mage, all lv 1
>party is braving an unexplored cave on the coast
>big enough to pull a ship in
>since PCs want to eventually get a ship of their own..a good possible base for them
>a large crab lives there. And some fish.
>neither are an immediate threat..
Fighters want to wait, and catch the crab on land, mage wants to swim out and fight it.
It was described this way.
>the cave is wide, the water is deep. A ship could easily anchor in here. The sides of the cave have a 25-40' walking edge around it, with a wide tunnel leading into the darkness at the back. Nothing seems to live here other than some fish and a big crab.
Thus..the PCs simply have to kill the crab that is posing exactly no threat to them.
My fault for calling it "big or large". It wasn't meant to be anything more than fluff.
The danger was in the tunnel leading deeper into the cave..a few kobolds.
I finally convince the fighters that the crab is no threat. Its just fluff..its the size of a dinner plate, not anything that will attack them. The mage goes full blown that guy.
>" well, if its not dangerous, I want it for its shell! And lunch! Hahaha"
>DM "its in the water, and you all haven't checked out the back of the cave."
>mage 'that can wait..I want that crab"
The fighters take off armor to swim 30 yards out, in deep water, to catch this crab for the mage..who has convinced them it will help in a spell.
Much splashing and yelling later, fighters are swimming in..and the kobolds enter.
Mage is standing near the tunnel, yelling at the fighters to go back out and get the crab..
Kobolds use slings...kill the mage.
Fighters swim towards the mage...kobolds end up killing them as well.
Tpk..because a mage wanted a fucking crab..and no one bothered to look around.
3kobolds vs 3 PCs...
>"So you're saying this place has crabs!?!?! XDDDDD"
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That's actually pretty funny. 8/10 story would read again.
No. CRAB. Singular.
I was ready for that.
Thx. I havent posted our shenanigans before.

Honestly, I find some of them embarrassing that after this many years..we still fuck up so bad.

We're in our 8th year of just us four. We've yet to find our #4 player to round us out.
Slightly curious, how many tpks has your group had?
>Blatantly favoritism
>GM gives unique magic items to only one guy and those items can only be used by that guy
>he's playing a tier2 caster while the rest agreed on playing tier4s to make it easy to the GM
>nerfs other characters and buffs that guy's character
>the whole campaign seems to be a slap on our faces and a mock on our features except for that guy
We thought the new GM was trying to help but both the GM and that guy are that guys
It happens. Some players never learn; trust me, I know. I regularly GM for and play with some.
Well, to not suck the fighters had to dump int, wis and cha, is only logical they will do whatever the wizard tells them, so it's not their fault
All of them eventually. We've never made it past 8th level. Maybe 70 or so tpks.

A few times a player or two had to reroll mid campaign. But we keep going till we all die.
>Play 5e AL
>Have a regular wednesday group that all gets along and has great games
>Want to start a fresh new character
>Go to one-off Expedition with all strangers
>Lazy fucking DM that just reads the module blandly without any flair or additions
>Don't even think he read it before the session
>Spergy warlock player who takes every opporitunity to spout some edgy "The Great Old One will bring u into the darkness soon, muahahahahahaha" shit
>Classic fatass playing an uninspired "lawful asshole" cleric
>Shits on my character for playing a barbarian that's not a half-orc or goliath
>For le randumness, after we kill an incubus, he removes his armor and lays in its bed
>Combat starts, DM says he doesn't have time to put on armor
>Cleric has to fight whole battle naked

At least that part was amusing
Excuse me anon, did you say 70?
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That is as many as seven tens.
That's insane.
Why the hell do you keep playing with that group and DM.
70? Fuck that.
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>Pathfinder campaign.
>Got 4 players.
>Pretty standard party, get a Human Fighter, a Half-Elf Ranger, and a Elven Wizard.
>Fourth guy decides to make a Gnome Summoner.
>Normally don't allow summons/undead due to taking up a lot of combat time (personal experience with party).
>Player assures me they are pretty much sticking to the Eidolon.
>I know better, but allow it.
>Makes a quadruped Eidolon. It has four ears, white fur with a black main. Describes it as looking like a cross between a wolf and large cat.
>Simple but eh, didn't think much of it.
>Get into the campaign. Party has some pretty good roleplay in the first town setting, but Gnome doesn't ever speak up.
>Passerby comes and asks about the Eidolon (my way of trying to get some RP out of Gnome player).
>All of our collective faces when the Eidolon speaks up, and remarks with one simple phrase.
>"h0I, I'm temmie!"
>Checked character sheet.
>Eidolon was named Temmie.
>Gnome named Frisk Undertale
>Gnome wearing striped purple and blue robes.
>For his weapon he has a dagger, labeled 'kitchen knife'.
>Wasn't the first time he'd tried to pull this shit.
>Other 3 party members demand he makes a new character, as they hadn't gained any EXP or progressed that far into the campaign.

I admit to my own laziness in not making sure he pulled this memetic bullshittery, but, needless to say I lost all faith in his ability to make characters without being an unoriginal twat.
I want to hear some highlights. ( condensed, and in green text).
Tell me about a few of the worst tpks.
Post them here, so that we may judge your group.
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>70 TPKs
Leave the game. No game is better than bad game. Besides, if you all leave en masse it will be a message to the GM that he fucked up.

Or, he'll ignore it, at which point you're just out of a shitty game.
I hate when people don't know the difference between "reference" and "based-on."

I had to name an NPC on the spot once. Called him Joseph Jonson, so the party took to calling him JoJo. Didn't even plan it. It just happened.

But then there was That Guy...
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>"hoI, I'm temmie!"
Pic related.
>Other 3 party members demand he makes a new character, as they hadn't gained any EXP

Maybe he was going for the Pacifist route.

Yeesh. I loved Undertale, and this still made me excaliburface.

I get it, if you enjoy something, it's natural to want to incorporate it into your character. But such blatant carbon-copying sucks all the life out of it. Pick one element from the source, two at the most, avoid directly lifting any names, and then put some mother-loving original thought into it. Don't be a lazy, meme-spewing jackass.
I did. Its not that high considering how long we've been together as a group.

They're not that exotic really.

>three rogues lv 1
>decide to become master bandits and pillage the countryside.
>find a farm house where a traveling caravan is stopped for the night.
>looks like a good first job.
>they split up and approach the barn when it gets dark. Gonna steal the cargo.
>farm animals start raising hell, getting spooked
>farmer and a guard approach barn to see what the noise is.
>player 1 is spotted and shot in the back as he tries to run
>hvy xbows..max damage. Ko #1
>farmer goes running back towards house, sees rogue 2, and swings a1d4 club. Hits for 4. Rogue runs past farmer and farmer aoo. Hit, for 4. 0 HP unconscious rogue 2.
>rogue 3 waits a while and decides to rescue his wounded buddies
>sneaks up and unties #1. Has to drag him.
>gets 10 yards away, slaps him, and yells "wake up dammit!"
>guard steps back out since he heatd the yell, sees rogue 3, and shoots him. 9 damage. Ko
>all three are tied up and a zero health.
>next morning they insult the guard and others till they get hanged.
Tpk....2 hours of play counting making characters.
That's still amusing. Give us a few more
One more.

>3 mages lv 1
>pool their money and with a charm spell, convince a mill owner to sell to them
>gonna be wheat and flour barons
>small mill, with a waterwheel and a small creek.
>but, the wheel and grind stone need replaced before they can start producing flour
>a gate can slow the flow of water to the wheel
>all three climb in and release the pin holding the giant wheel to the Axel
>'do you all want to close the gate?"
>they huddle up and form a plan..
>"no, the wheel is so heavy, we will use the water current to help roll it off, and onto land"
>they pull the pin, and wobble the wheel loose
>wheel starts to tip.
>DC 12 to keep it steady.. ( bonus for helping each other will be added)
>wheel tips. Roll d4 to see which direction it falls, but first, which side are you all on?
>all pick the same side.
>wheel falls them.
>water is only 5' deep
>Ok try to escape..DC 10
>"wait, guys. Stop struggling, let the current move this thing.."
>" fuck. Good idea bro..."
>" yea..good idea! We all stop struggling "
>a few rounds later...

Tpk by drowning, lv 1 mages.
Each tpk is followed by a 30 minute argument, as they each blame the others for causing it.
>you fucking idiot..why'd u do (x)??
>me? YOU are the one who did (x)!!
>well, I was fine if you two wouldn't have done (y)!!!
And on and on..
Then; " OK, so this time we should be (x's)!!!

Every time.
Your party sounds look fun and shenanigans. No wonder they all died 70 times

>3 clerics of pelor
>investigating a possible undead sighting in a small village cemetery
>"we wait till night, that's when they see the zombie."
>all three cast light spells, because fuck torches
>wander around the outside of the cemetery for an hour or two
>use all their spells creating light
>go back to town, wake up store owner and buy torches
>go into the cemetery
>one big mausoleum
>go in, climb stairs down
>see a stand with a bowl of water
>see an oddly glowing black stone
>my idea was for them to drop the stone in the bowl ( holy water), to destroy it
>player 2 tasted the water..decided it was holy water
>player 1 attempts to smash the stone with his mace
>misses and sends the stone flying
>the mighty zombie of doom appears from the coffin they ignored
>it needs like an 18 to hit them with its 1 attack
>player 3 throws several bottles of lamp oil on the stairs while 2 and 1 move to engage zombie
>"don't hit it! Lure it to the stairs!!"
>" nice one.good call bro!"
>one of them lights the oil while more oil is thrown
>in a 10x10 room...with themselves in it
>taking fire damage and smoky as hell
Do they flee?
Do they heal?
Newp. They all attack the zombie. And stay in the burning tomb to search for the stone...
Tpk 3 nice young clerics.

>" dude..why'd you knock the stone off the pedestal? "
>" fuck you! Why did you light the oil?"
>"we should have used the holy water to put out the flames... Dammit"
We have fun.
Believe it or not, they try to be serious.
Its just that one of them gets an idea.. And like lemmings, they all follow it.

Good times though. Plus we're all friends. That helps.
>Three people in the party, a biologist, a Spanish sailor, and that guy
>That guy wanted to play a young, healthy, and handsome detective. With a cane.
>Yes, the cane had a sword in it.
>No, that guy didn't have a limp, a deformity, or any thing that would warrant a cane, other than he wanted a reason to have a sword cane.
>Party comes across a group of cultists on this barge that they were using to grow some really bad fungus
>Like really bad
>While all the cultists are leisurely boarding the barge, that guy decides the smart idea would be to run up to them screaming like an idiot
>His reasoning for this is because he thought they would take them prisoner
>Despite them never doing this before
>Not wanting a TPK(I know it's CoC but still), I have the cultists take all of the players stuff.
>That guy doesn't want to give up his cane and, with the biggest shit eating grin he could muster, said "I need it to walk good sirs!"
>"You were just running down that hill screaming at us."
>That guy is silent for a moment before stating he needs the can to walk again. Cultists aren't buying this bullshit and they try taking his cane.
>That guy freaks out and whips out his sword, so now him and the other party members, who don't have any weapons at this point, have to fight a bunch of cultists
>They died
>That guy gets pissy about this, even when the other two party members straight up tell him that he's an idiot for getting them into the situation
>Have to ban sword canes from that point on because that guy won't stop obsessing over them.
Nice. Original even.
That's a nice change from the usual copapasty.
>Three rogues
>Three mages
>Three clerics of Pelor

I'm starting to notice a pattern.

Anyway these are all hilarious and I agree with the others, your group seems genuinously a funny and good one.
This might be a silly question to ask, but mind sharing what kind of ruleset you were going to use for production of flour and the subsequent profits?
Yea they usually end up playing the same class. Maybe 1 will divert a bit, but at least two are the same class.
And they'll be as different from each other as they can be and still be the same class.

3 mages..each specialized in a different school and picked what the other two were specialized in as their prohibited schools.
Shit like that. I seldom understand their logic.
I feel sorry for the fighters. If the mage wanted to eat the crab that bad, he should've swam his d4 ass out there and faced it himself.
I was gonna wing it basically.

People were going to bring them wheat, they'd use their mill to crush it, and keep a percentage of it. Then sell the bags of flour to the bakers.

My group is weird I think. Because that's their idea of high adventure.
It's not that weird actually.
I asked because my group is thinking of establishing an enterprise too.
Currently playing around with adapting Pathfinder downtime rules http://www.d20pfsrd.com/gamemastering/other-rules/downtime
Not sure though.
Did he get better?
Also, I asked them 10 times if they wanted to hire an expert to do the repairs.
They were offended.
>fuck that! I don't hire a fucking electrician to hang my Christmas lights do I?"
>"ha! About like I'd hire a mechanic to change my oil"

I really admire their gusto and stubbornness sometimes.
That's 4tpks so far.

Also you need to be a tripfag

I suggest the name "70tpks and counting"
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>need to be a tripfag

Look, I'm enjoying these stories too, but there's no need to go that far...
>three rogues
>three mages
>three clerics
>three stooges
Kind of a large post, just to say
>I let a game implode to make a point to one annoying player
Whoa, this mage trick is pretty cool. And they came up with this on their own?
I keep refreshing this thread to see if TPK guy will deliver some more delicious murders.
Please deliver.
>no tripcode
You fucking idiot, that's a namefag
That mistake is like if I said

>You posted animal with human face on it
>You furfag
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He was quoting from the post of the guy he was replying to, you goddamn idiot. How the fuck did you not notice that context? It wasn't like he was applying it to himself, and obviously you looked at the post he was replying to. Learn to use that blob of mush in your skull before making the automatic remark about the difference between tripfagging and namefagging.
I hope you played this during
If they can pull it off, more power to them. I like single-class parties, they mostly make a hell of a lot more sense than a thief, a town guardsman, a local magic hermit and a travelling priest all spontaniously deciding to form a posse and go on a murderhobo roadtrip.
>Maybe 70 or so tpks.
Jesus Christ. Reading your stories, I believe it, but holy fuck.
>just hanging them at the end
What a clump of wasted plot hooks. They wanted to be hardened criminals and you didn't send them into a dungeon complex of some sort and then made it turn out that the place was being run by a demonic cult or something? Come on, anon.
Given that he seems to be running games for the Three Stooges, they'd end up being offered up as a sacrifice, only for the demon in question to turn his nose up at them in disgust.
Yes, and?
Do you refer to your party as the three stooges? because you should
It sounds like you want a serious, structured game and they are out to have some beer & pretzels fun. Honestly, I'd love to have your group. You should write down all these tpks, they make for funny stories.
>roll shit
>pick tier 4 class based on precision damage because don't want to show my powerlevels
>suddenly and without previous notice campaign is full undead and constructs
>GM doesn't let me counter react to this
>literally useless because traps have like a DC 35 to be spotted and disabled and we're only 3rd level, not even with nat20
>GM "it's your fault for picking an useless class, and no, is not my job to make things better for you"
>Cool, roll wizard focused in conjugation and transmutation
>break game to the point GM has to rock falls
>rest of players even high five me
Some times you have to be that guy
Their names wouldn't happen to be Larry, Moe, and Curly would it?
>playing 5E with 3 friends and 2 newguys
>roll up new characters
>sorc, wizard, 2 fighters, and a cleric
>one of the new guys is super excited to play
>bounces in his seat at some points he's so excited
>rolls up a generic CG fighter
>ex-nobleson who's family didn't approve their main propsect going into service
>zero diplomacy and crap charisma but his whole background was being raised as a business style noble who ran off from home to fight
>still no idea why he's so fucking excited for this shit but he's already sold his character to us as next level shit
>claims it will make us rethink the game and how to play
>group meets up at this sort of landsmeet type thing
>lords meet here and give quests to adventurers and parties
>idea is some sort of hero factory/get-shit-done event
>random individuals often meet up and form impromptu groups at this event for the sole purpose of accepting bigger quests
>we're one of those groups
>some lord from far away needs a group to go find his daughter
>knows she's around here somewhere from ransom note
>accept and get to shopping for supplies
>everyone buys rope and food and maybe a health potion here or a bag there or some such
>not pete the fighter
>pete buys a cheap ass bag of holding and 80 pigeons
>OOC everything comes to a halt
>explains how using little flying shits like pigeons can be all sorts of game breaking if utilised properly and he can't give us exact details cause its a heat of the moment deal
>first encounter is some kobolds
>standard fair and theres like 4 of them
>first move the guy does is whip a pigeon at the kobold
>does literally nothing cause the pigeon flies away
>goes on to bitch for 10 minutes cause the pigeon flew away and wouldn't come back to him and how it was bullshit that it A. Didn't come back when called and B. Flew off rather than be willing to be thrown at an angry kobold
>thought he was buying highly trained suicide pigeons or something
Did he leave?
>been playing DnD for years
>father has wanted to play his entire life
>never did because lazy and short-tempered
>the time comes 2 weeks ago that i ask him and my brother if they want to play
>he only spends an hour creating his character
>handsome young human fighter
>while helping my brother create his character dad looks at monster manual
>3e, not that it matters
>sees tarrasque
>"i wanna fight this, anon"
>"you can't yet, dad"
>bitches until i fold
>lead them into empty area where one is roaming
>let them get killed
>dad gets pissed and says he hates DnD

never again
He tried using them for various other things pigeons would need training for that he refused to invest in and got killed by guards after he robbed a pigeon vendor for more. He just up and chucked 5 pigeons into the vendors face before running off with his now full pigeon bag.
Got pissed at the DM for not just making the pigeons highly trained in everything. Slammed the door on the way out hard enough to break the handle off which he had to pay the store for.
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>roll wizard focused in conjugation
Phones are that funny
That was on you, anon. They were newbies. You should have let them start at a higher level or something. Or maybe bulshitted something up that made them think they were fighting a tarrasque while it was actually something else.
The game was fucked from the start, man. My brother took is pretty seriously, so it was unfair to him (hence why I invited him to my campaign.) But my dad... Fucking dad kept getting distracted, fucking around, etc. He wasn't really interested.
Yes. They're not idiots. (Not all the time)
I'm past the point of being too upset over wasted plots.
That has came up at the table a couple times.

Thanks for reading. More coming. I'm at work, so it's post by phone. Bear with me gentle anons.

Everyone else has green text involving dragons and demons and world shattering magic. We're really mild by comparison.
Never underestimate the magnitude of entertainment a group with occasional moronic tendencies can provide.
> wheat and flours barons
Holy shit ur group sounds awesome
Yeah. "Dragons" and "world shattering magic" are just words. Things like entertainment, immersion, and amusement are what's actually worthwhile.
They probably realized that they have a tendency to do stupid things and end up dying.
They probably figured that buying a mill would be a nice, safe way to make some money, and wouldn't end in a tpk.
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>He just up and chucked 5 pigeons into the vendors face before running off with his now full pigeon bag.
Did he keep the pigeons in the bag of holding? Wouldn't they all suffocate and die? Sounds like his disappointment should have come in the form of spending all of his money on a sack of dead birds
>new guy
>still no idea why he's so fucking excited for this shit but he's already sold his character to us as next level shit
>claims it will make us rethink the game and how to play
honestly almost sounds like someone in the manic phase of bipolar
either that or just not very bright
actually after reading

>Got pissed at the DM for not just making the pigeons highly trained in everything. Slammed the door on the way out hard enough to break the handle off which he had to pay the store for.
gonna go with either bipolar or some kind of turbo sperg
They love to take whatever fluff I use, and attempt to use it. The mill was just a casual description of the village. But the three mages used it. They're not unclever sometimes.

>2 warlocks 1 rogue
>kill a few orcs that were troubling a village
>doing well really.
>both warlocks took the 'spear' giving their blast 250'. Very wicked damage.
>resupplying in town
>they decide they really like Thomas, the blacksmith and general goods owner
>Thomas tells them he saw an ogre once when he was younger. And the ogre had carried off his horse..40 years ago
>ogre? Might be a lair. Could be treasure. We must right this wrong for Thomas.
> they wander around the edge of the mountains until they find an ogre. Took days and days.
>cr was too high..they didn't care.
>"we're killing that ogre"
>ogre lived in a cave if course
>they decide to lure it out and blast it to shreds
> honestly they had a good chance
>rogue goes in to get its attention
>sets up a simple rope trip trap at entrance
>goes screaming into the cave. Demanding the ogre come out
>ogre is starting to stand up and see wtf is going on..
>"wait..its standing up? Do I have time to get a stab on it?"
He attempts to stab it. Ogre wins init. 1 hit kills the rogue.
>warlocks rush in yell at ogre and hear it moving towards them
>both warlocks trip on rope trap that they just saw set.
>they honestly admitted that they had forgotten about it
>ogre runs up and casually crushes them both
"Wtf did you stab the ogre you douche?"
"I thought I could get an easy kill"
" shit. We had 250' range..we should have sniped it."
"Damn..OK. What's next? Let's do barbs!"
I think he just read somewhere, possibly here, about a guy doing something similar and was disappointed it didn't go down the same way.
Pretty sure the DM just forgot about that or overlooked it just to see what the guy would do. He was hyping the shit he was gonna pull as "next level" and "change the way you look at the game".
He tried it on the guards that corner him as well. Didn't go down as nicely that time.
Probably shoudlnt have mentioned that crab
10/10 this is gold
A member of my group try to make his character an Awakened Chicken at chargen, without fail. Sometimes I let him do it, sometimes not.

Whenever he gets to use it he gets pissed when he dies even though he literally has chicken stats and knows this.
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Got something vaguely similar to this

>also pathfinder campaign
>also 4 players
>three out of four makes decent characters
>fourth guy makes a half elf healer type (don't remember the class exactly)
>His character wears a horse head over her own.
>his character's is named "Molestia" named after some pony blog shit
>requests some changeling sword be put in the game at some point again based off some pony shit
>any time the party enters combat and it's his turn he literally says "I fap in the corner" and does nothing.
>Party enters town and are told by the towns people to see the duke.
>"Molestia" decides that the best course of action is to run around the town shouting "where is the duke?!" like a retard.
>a few sessions in and he decides Molestia is a transgendered schizo
>outside of the game he is either cutting up his character sheet, doodling on it, sleeping or having a panic attack because someone said something bad about RUSH.
>it's clear he is not really enjoying being a part of the game but for some reason feels like he has to be a part of it because everyone else is.
>later confesses this to me but seems to think nobody was aware he didn't give a shit.
>mfw recently he said he wants to do his own campaign.

It was my first campaign and I didn't feel like arguing with him about his character and everyone else just let it happen because they figured he would only show up for a few session before getting bored.
2 mages, 1 fighter
>party is exploring an old tower.
>kill 2 kobolds inside
>had to move rocks and brush to get inside
>since kobolds didn't get in from outside..there logically must be a tunnel somewhere
>find basement
>find a ladder. Find a pit.
>ladder doesn't reach bottom
>lay ladder across pit. Tie rope to ladder.
>climb down 1 at a time
>"guys..we may need the rope"
>jerk on rope till they pull ladder down and get their rope.
>find a kobold sized hole the kobolds had used
>too small to squeeze through
>catch a couple rats
>cook them by using the ladder for wood.
>starve to death in pit a couple weeks later after trying for an hour to come up with a way out.
" why'd we even go down there?"
" to kill more kobolds bro"
" next time, let's find outdoor kobolds"
" yea, tower kobolds always get us killed"
I lost.
>that stoner guy is playing with us
>doesn't understand that NPC's might react different than his overbearing friends
>continually say stupid shit to NPC's and expect DM to let it slide
>confront him ingame and tell him to keep his mouth shut and not get us into trouble
>he manages to take a hint but gets bootyblasted over it
>he's a druid so it's really funny that he's totally not mad and now he just wants to find a tree he can sit in every time we go somewhere
>"i'm just chillaxing in the tree lmao problem? xD"
>he pretty much stays in the backseat unless there is combat, and we move along the plot for an hour or so
>then he starts interrupting all the boring "talk" to suggest we get pizza or smoke some weed, he wants to talk about family guy(which we all hate) and just generally annoy the shit out of us
>we tell him to focus on the game and try to ignore him
>eventually this all boils over when we find out he hasn't been keeping inventory like he was supposed to, he somehow managed to lose our new dice, and he fucked up our orders for takeout
>awkward silence
>DM says maybe we should just end it for today
>decide to kill him instead
>he comes back
>we all hand DM notes at the same time
>Barbarian and cleric holds him down, while rogue kills his stupid pet wolf(he insisted), and i pour acid into his throat(acid bottles are great distanced weapons if you dont fuck up).
>he says "he was kind of bored with the character anyway"
>forgot to invite him next time
i've never enjoyed killing a fictional character that much since i got the mod that allowed me to purge little lamplight in fallout 3.
There is one dude who always gets super salty when we play EDH

>only plays boring grindy control decks
>most recently Mizzics, who, while annoying is manageable
>always super grabby with other people's cards, even bent my fucking doubling season
>I swear, he gets Sol rings every fucking game, and he never lets people shuffle his deck
>doesnt take a genius to see how this happens
>we have a bit of a combo oriented meta, mostly to dick around in, which is why I play commander in the first place
>always claims "well its the only political thing to do" when doing horrible one sided things, namely nuking someone's field or keeping someone down
>throws a shit fit when anyone attacks or destroys his enchantments/artifacts/plainswalkers
>tell him if he wants to not be a target, quite bouncing/burning people's fields every few turns or taking several extra turns in a row
>occasionally give in and dont fuck with his field, he takes infinite turns to do stupid win cons, and refuses to let us concede when he does this
>takes 20 fucking minutes to do this
>so then we target him early
>"but I didn't do anything to you! Why are you attacking me?"
>"because if we don't, we don't get to play our decks"
>"but that was last game, I won't do it again!"
>"yeah you will, you said that last week."

Don't misunderstand me, I don't hate control players, but I do when they don't understand why people get angry at them for overloading cyclonic rifts every other turn
Always play humans. Not once have any of them played a nonhuman.
Still manage to make each character unique.

>1barb 2 rogues
>die from attacking a much larger party of orcs

>3fighters..all dual wielding short swords
>made it to lv 6
>died by portable hole n bag of holding while trying to cause a rift and take out a vampire that was troubling them
>vamp survived

>3 psionics
>died to a lv 1 thief with a crossbow
>(was more bad luck dice than errors)

Man..lol..we have had a lot of these. I'll post some more after work.
>having a panic attack because someone said something bad about RUSH
He has that much of a boner for a rock band?
>3fighters lv3
>off against a drow in some cave
>surround the drow who is chattering at them in some language
>drow smirks and centers a globe of darkness
>all 3 have blind fight
>hack drow into tiny pieces
>" fuck ya!!" "Awesome!" "Hahahaha take that drow boy!"
>instead if leaving then....
>" we should go deeper. Kill more drow. "
>"I dunno guys...we can't see for shit down here. Let's take our gold and gtfo"
>" why are you always such a pussy?"
>" bro..remember that drow we fucked off like 4 minutes ago?"
>" fine. Looks like we're going in deeper"
>I forget the details, but basically a 4 team drow party slaughters them in little later.
>" you fuckers..told you we should have left!!"
>" how is this our fault? We didn't know there would be a group if 4drow!"
> " I think we could have handled them one at a time."
> " I really hate you guys"
> " oh stfu..let's do a party of 3brothers who all joined the town guard.."
>" ya, under dark shit sucks"
>" let's do this..gimme the d6's"

In retrospect.. This is kinda funny.
pretty much has a hard on for any old prog rock type stuff, nightcore or weab shit.
I'll take things that never happened for 500
True, we need new spicy memes to express our disbelief here in year of our Lord 2016
I mean, he wasn't a positive influence to the game but that's kind of fucked anon. Just kick him from the table and move on, you don't need to make a fictional snuff scene in front of the guy.
My personal favorite..

>3 lv 5 human fighters.
>all three were focused on 2 hnd weapons. A great ax, great sword, great club
>all three had good strength
>all three had great armor
>they are defending PineView city ( a reappearing city), from a small army of goblins and kobolds led by a troll.
>the plan was for them to attack pockets of the army, and slow it down until the kings army can get there
>players see the invaders and kill a couple squads of kobolds
>city is being evacuated by boats across the lake to safety
>players decide to head to the city and defend it till back up arrives
>they turn a couple wagons over on the bridge
>gonna funnel the invaders and have some protection vs ranged
> "this is where we hold them!! This is where they die!!"
> the plan works very well
>I can't recall how many red shirt kobolds they slaughtered on the bridge
>army keeps coming...
>a soldier runs up and tells them that the king is still a day away with his troops
>citizens are all evacuated and safe
>"guys, if we hold them here, we can keep the city from being looted, and the kings cavalry can smash the main force from behind..IF we can keep the focused on us"
>" I like it..we'll either be dead, or the greatest heroes ever"
> " or both.. Lol!"
>I had several groups of goblins flee instead of charging that bridge of goblin and kobold slaying
>they hold all night..healing potions are gone..health is low. Horses are waiting on them..all they have to do is flee.
> " I'm hurt bad guys..maybe we should gtfo"
> " we would, except we're not huge gaping vaginas"
>" agreed. I ain't leaving..."
>eventually its death by paper cuts
>kings army arrives a few hours later and kills the rest.
>town is saved. No citizen died.
>town has statues carved and placed on bridge of heroes
>bridge is called "heroes crossing" from then on
>legends say that the three heroes keep watch on the city and that in times of need, they'll arise and kill any invaders
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>three rogues
>"We're gonna be fucking master bandits you guys!"
>they all get shot and captured

>three wizards
>"Guys we are going to make so much money selling flour."
>"Hehehe, I guess you could say we're about to make some serious bread, right bro?"
>"Hahaha, good one bro."
>they fuck up the wheel and DROWN

>three clerics
>"We're gonna burn this zombie! Yaaah!"

Your players are real-life Fiasco characters. Treasure them but please make sure they don't all die IRL somehow

>"yes! That's why I live this game!
>" no shit! That was awesome!"
>" best game ever guys...damn!"

A few weeks later we're talking about that battle...

>wait..you said they had horses waiting on us. You didn't mention a boat too!
Yes I did..several times
>oh. We thought you meant saved us a boat, like would give us a boat..
>yea man, I misunderstood what you meant..
>fuck. The horses wouldn't have helped in a city surrounded.. A boat too huh?

That's my favorite.
They're all good people.
We all took a vacation together to corpus Christi last year. It poured rain on us. So we sat in the hotel and played d&d while our wives went shopping.
Such is life.
Wow. Just gonna ask now. How long have you been playing D&D and how long have you been with these pals of yours?
I started in 89. And not with these guys.
We're all friends from back in school.
We didn't start playing together until 8 or 9 years ago. Roughly.
2nd ed..then 3.5.
Didn't get a "regularly scheduled" game, till 5 years ago. Now were 3-4 times a month ( depending on wives bitching). Hey, it keeps us out of the bars, right?
You may be the worst DM ever.
You think being random stupid is clever or interesting? Kill yourself. Do your players a favor and never DM again.
Go fuck off dude. Your case of BADWRONGFUN is really annoying me.
No see the guy is right, since Tabletop gaming has clearly been passed down from upon high, atop Mount Olympous.
And Zeus did decleare in his thundering voice:
"Shall this make men of boys, and warriors of men! And shall they fight with honour and direction, in the way of the gods, or they shall not fight whatsoever! So sayeth Zeus!"

Clearly anyone, who plays the game any other way than the "right" way is a disappointment to the gods, regardless if his players keep coming back for more and like what he's doing.
Well, if the objective is to get the PCs to a high level, then I am the worst failure of a DM ever.
If the objective is to have a lot of fun with your friends and enjoy an immersive game in a fantasy land, I'm batting 1000.
I'd prefer a bit more serious sometimes, but I let the players set the pace and vibe.

Just my style. Your opinion is noted however, and I'll be sure to take it into consideration, as I am 100% certain that you know better than we do, what's fun for us.
1) not how checks are done
2) 3 wizards can't be killed without DM fuckery
3) you have no idea how heavy that wheel was, so requiring a check was just stupid
>Playing mutants and masterminds
>3 players
>Bullet can launch himself 100 feet in any direction at the speed of a bullet once every 5 seconds
>The slammer can multiply or divide his mass by 5 and constantly body slams or piledrives criminals
>(that guy) undiner half fish half man thing with super strength and durability using the harpoon that slayed his father as a weapon
>undiner is the biggest memer I have encountered irl constantly spouting reddit tier memes (if ya keep robbing this bank your gonna have a bad time! xd) character also wears heelies and "rides" off after turning 2 degrees but often times fails the check and falls
>after stopping a bank heist they find out who the leader of the mooks are
>Frisk Richards the corrupt owner of the biggest bowling rink in America earning him the nickname the Pin king aka I ripped this guy from the marvel villain the kingpin everybody figured this out
>Except that guy but at the name his eyes lit up
>after fighting through his minions and surviving a giant rolling bowling ball make it to the pin king
>Pin king starts a rant on how fucked they are to which that guy interrupts
>Dont remember word for word but I know exactly what it was from after another player told me
>That guy read off his phone with Uhs and awkward pauses in between what undyne from under tail tells your charactor when he goes full murder fuck mode
>He was quickly silenced by pin king throwing a lead bowling ball at his head almost one hitting him
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Do you really plan to spend your time telling someone how he's a bad DM, while his group obviously likes the way he leads the group, given that they keep coming back for more?

I mean, even if you're trolling right now, that's pretty pathetic.
You're actually correct in part. I have no clue how heavy that wheel should have been, or what the correct method of repair should have been.
So, I improvised as best I could.
I didn't have time to fully research the workings and upkeep of a fantasy mill.
So, I improvised.
I also didn't know the exact effect the water would have on the weight vs strength stats on the wheel.
So, I improvised.
I improvised because the PCs did something so fucking bizarre, I had no choice.

Holy shit some of you fuckers are literal dickheads.
>didn't research the workings of a mill, while running a game with 3 mages.
>didn't prepare in case PCs wizards bought a mill
>doesn't know how much to charge per basket of wheat processed
Are you even trying anon?

What kind of horrible person are you?
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>le badwrongfun
>Rules lawyering
>Implied caster supremacy meme
10/10 I'm upset
I..I...I almost wept. A real heroes death.

Then I saw this..

Now my sides hurt from laughing.

>Holy shit some of you fuckers are literal dickheads.


In all seriousness though, don't take it personally. Shitters like them show up in every thread.
/tg/ has a lot of dickheads. I like to think it is a recent thing, but it isn't. It does seem to be getting worse.

I enjoy your stories! And you seem like an awesome guy to play games with.
>Be forever GM
>Running game for my mates
>6 players, two of which are powergamers/minmaxers/shitty at actually playing their fucking character and not a block of stats.
>Party gets to "nottokyo" big ass city, and heads for nearby pleasure palace/hotel/gambling hall/etc.
>Entire party, sans one of the powergamers proceeds to have some of the best roleplay they have EVER had since the campaign started for about an hour, and they're still ready for more.
>Powergamer literally stops the group from roleplaying and drops this gem. "So guys, I know you're having some roleplay here, and that's great, but can we actually DO something?"
>Mfw he hasn't been participated in any of the RP, has been sitting there on his phone the entire time, even after being asked to stop twice.
>Mfw he wants the rest of my group to stop their roleplay just for him.
>One of my other players is like "Why don't you come and join our rp? We're all right here." (in the drinking hall)
>Powergamer declines, demands that I run something for him so he doesn't have to do the roleplay.
>Rest of the party is having a fun roleplay that I would love to be a part of, meanwhile I'm narrating for powergamer as he derps around the town looking for "intrigue"
>Guy in our group is new GM, prebuilt campaign with a cool homebrew sidequest involving smoking out a nest of rat mutants
>Group has a chirurgeon who doesn't really get RP beyond "burn heretics, i love torture"
>Bit of a god complex, as he's our group's usual DM
>Entire session, whenever the GM says something happens that disadvantages the group, responds "no it doesn't" like a fucking child
>Assumes he knows more about the game than the GM always, despite having looked at the sourcebook all of twice
>End of session says that he feels like he's wasted his time, complains that his character didn't progress
>Passive aggressively talks the new GM down
>This guy is going to be in a game of Deathwatch I'll be GMing in a few weeks

He's usually not so obnoxious IRL, and he's actually a pretty good DM. Any advice on dealing with this kind of player? (besides kicking them out)
I don't know if this is a 'That Guy' thing, but I've a friend i've been playing with for several years through various systems, such as Mutants and Masterminds, 3.5, Pathfinder, etc.

Anyway I may have passively made him that guy by accident. Story begins.

>Playing M&M
>Decided I wanted to be sort of an iron man-esque super hero. Cue Freedom eagle, a combination of Iron man and Captain america, but with no actual super powers aside from a combat suit.
>Over time, party realizes I built in such a way that I combo ridiculously well with individuals.
>Gravity user throws me at people and I punch them, etc.
>Also had highest diplomacy rolls, attempted to talk villains into surrendering when beat, didn't want to have to always kill.
>Party ultimately makes me the face. I end up becoming leader though I didn't necessarily want to.
>Nearing the end of the campaign.
>Supervillain had a plan based around my actions, to free every villain I had sent to prison simultaneously, as well as every crook, criminal and serial killer.
>Barely manage to stop him, he had the power corps fighting on his side.
>Get to his hideout, a massive blimp over the city.
>Speedster does recon, finds out he has no less than 5000 innocent people hostage and wired with bombs, including children and infants.
>Final 'boss' appears. GM flipped through the book, accidentally put a Power level 10 party up against FUCKING KING BABYLON.
>Speedster is KO'ed in one hit. Gravity user can do nothing against him. The rest of the party and myself are badly damaged.
>At this point, I know none of us will last another turn.
>I had invested enough points in thrusters that I could move 64,000 feet in one round if I went a single direction.
>Move up behind.
>Initiate grapple. Success.
>Burn my only hero point for a full-round move action.
>Tell my party that the hostages and the city are top priority.
>Fly the bastard into the sun, killing him and myself.

The pattern is they start at lv 1 and don't know how to play.

Why start at lv 1? Why only humans? Why only 3 players?
It is impossible to restart that many times without it becoming so boring, that players literally die.
Are they all autistic?

Why wouldn't the mages have used a scroll of telekinesis? Or levitate?
Shit homebrew sounds like shit.
No flavor. Nothing exciting. Same shit over and over. Its like ground hog day..except with a shit DM and retarded players.
Continuing on. Needless to say I normally played more of the chaotic type, but to save my party stunned all the other players who were all on the verge of death. it allowed them to succeed in their mission, and they all survived. In short, my buddy witnessed that and now goes out of his way to be noblebright regardless of character. Even in one session he got upset with a GM who wouldn't let his chaotic Neutral ninja stay behind to assist the followers of a deity he opposed because he would have died in the process. His logic is that it would have been noble and "For a good cause." despite being radically against his alignment and how he played up to that one particular point.

In essence, he ALWAYS does this now. He always wants to be a hero and make the sacrifice for the greater good but he always plays characters who are selfish and oppositional to doing good things most of the time.

He's an excellent roleplayer aside from that one aspect. I've tried telling him that those types of noble sacrifices dont just happen. Your character has to have built up a reputation to be that way, uou dont just turn on a dime.

He does it every campaign now, and sometimes every session.

Have I created a monster, /tg?
Why the fuck do you care this much about what complete strangers do?

Stop being a faggot.
You pull him aside and tell him to knock the shit off because it kills fun.
That said, I've noticed that long term GMs make awful players.
Yeah, I think you made a monster.
I haven't specifically taken him aside, but we've told him to stop in the moment, which I think he misunderstood as some kind of challenge.
No, the idiot who wants the spotlight made it himself.
That's all it boils down to.
Anon, chill the fuck out, seriously.
>Just moved to Buffalo
>Go to a con and join a Pathfinder game
>Level 11, I just nerf one of my old characters and help the other players make characters
>Notice that the GM is using a 4e module, but he says that he adapted it for PF
Things weren't promising when he told me to look up the stats for a creature that doesn't exist in Pathfinder and he acted like I was the fuckup when I told him that WotC probably had them copyrighted so Paizo couldn't publish their stats

>Adventure turns out to be heavily puzzle-based
>Puzzles make absolutely no sense
I don't know if the module was terrible or he was too much of a colossal fuck up.
Either way, he was incredibly rude and condescending when we discussed the riddle instead of immediately shouting out the answer because he thought the answer was so obvious that we shouldn't even need to think about it

>At one point we end up having to fight a construct
>I try to use shifting sands to trap it in the earth
>It has to make a reflex save.
>"It has a modifier of 20"
>"That's insane. Are you sure that's right?"
>"Are you sure that that's not because it's 4e monster?"
We eventually beat it by just hitting it over and over again because of it's monstrously high saves.

>Have to fight another construct
>It has an even higher save. 25 or so
>"There's no way that that's right. A CR 12 construct should have a reflex save of about 4. I don't think Cthulhu's saves go above 30"
>Show him the saves for a Balor and he finally acquiesces
>"OK, I'll lower its saves by one half"
Of course, this still meant that we were dealing with statues that had reflex saves in the double digits, but whatever. Small victories.

>lv 1
>start game with scrolls of 5th lv spells
>accuse others of homebrew
No, you need to pull him aside and tell him he is being a cockhole who clearly misses his position of power.
I would have told him to wait, the rest of the game is going on.
Fair enough. More concerted intervention.
There is a line that was crossed.
It started at
>Entire session, whenever the GM says something happens that disadvantages the group, responds "no it doesn't" like a fucking child
and ended at
>Passive aggressively talks the new GM down
I would lay into the guy with something akin to ferocity for such disrespectful tripe.
Do use an actual monster called "tower kobold" and "outdoors kobolds"?
Or is that the players way of talking about them?
I want to hear more of these 'tower kobolds'.
Fucking trolls didn't run that guy off did they?
How have I missed this thread?

Is that the record?
Its the most I've ever heard of.
>Another puzzle that we had to deal with was two sets of numbers from 1-12, one copper and one iron
>Figure that it's probably something to do with time
>What are we supposed to do with this?
>He keeps on mocking us without giving any more information
>Eventually he takes two of us aside (not me) and tells them what to do
I asked them out of character what they did to solve the riddle. Even after being told exactly what to do they weren't clear because this GM sucked

>Finally reach the final boss
>It grapples me
>I show the GM that I have a ring of freedom of movement
>"It's the final boss"
>I'm still grappled because it's the final boss
>Didn't even need to roll CMB, it just grappled me
>It does 3d6 CON damage with a DC 35 Fort save
>"Yep. It does do that to me. You win"
>No one else seems very interested in this fight
>"Uhhh, suddenly you hear 'meteor swarm!' The plant is blown to pieces"
He had some NPC we chatted with at the beginning of the game cast some 9th level spell to save us

And that's the story of the worst Pathfinder game I've ever played in. Hope it was OK that that guy was a GM
I don't think you've ever actually played a game in your life
>>Rest of the party is having a fun roleplay that I would love to be a part of, meanwhile I'm narrating for powergamer as he derps around the town looking for "intrigue"
If you don't have the spine to tell him no, this is what you deserve.
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I see a pattern.
>PCs wanna be bandits, pillaging the COUNTRY SIDE
DM puts them literally in the country..and provides an opportunity in the form of a caravan with only 1 guard.

>PCs wanna be ship owners( prolly pirates)

DM starts them near a handy spot deep enough for a ship, that they can turn into a base of operations.

>players buy a mill
DM goes with it, and gives them conflict based on what they want.

The players must like setting up a home base.
The DM is one of the "on the fly" types, and let's the players pick their own destiny.

Shit DM? I don't think so. That's damn good DM work, IMO.

I'd love to have tpk guy as my DM.
I would suggest murdering him, slowly, or informing him of either A. Skill Gap or B. The Dead Sea.
Well if its true, and I didn't see anything to make me think its not, he's kept 3 players for years..
And kept it interesting enough that they didn't feel the need to change editions or games. They didn't even change races.
I read:
>improvisation- check
>railroading-- none
>describing skill--check
>dmpc-- none
>rocks fall-- none
>players enjoyed-- check
>fights & arguments-- none to low

I'm sorta impressed.
Tbh rn tfw >autism
Hey, I saw nothing about druids or bards or sorcerers.
Did you ban them?

If so, why.
>Be playing minotaur barbarian in 3.5
>we are playing a desert campaign (think dnd egypt)
>pharoah dies of random illness
>he had no heirs so the city governers are fighting for power
>guy we are working for goes for all out war against another city
>we (the PCs) are acting as commandos and go in under cover of night the night before the attack.
>I come up with "brilliant" plan to use the city's air cav (bunch of griffons) to literally carry us into the enemy army camped outside the city and drop us onto the command tent
>be fighting enemy commander and his staff, alarm is sounded
>company of archers is closest unit nearby, runs up and gets in formation (front row kneeling, 2nd row standing)
>I decide to charge them before they can fire, my weapon of choice was a spiked chain.
>kill random guy in front, great cleave through about 20 more before I roll a 1.
>DM allows a free intimidate check for that ridiculous shit, roll pretty well.
>archers shit themselves and sprint away from the hulking blood-covered murderbeast
>same campaign, minotaur barbarian
>that night assault went well, we were able to kill the commander and escape.
>the next morning we march in with the army, first ones in the city after the gate gets busted down
>see a paladin coming at us riding a giant celestial beetle, tons of soldiers sprinting towards us
>we manage to fight our way up to the top of the gates guard tower
>party wizard throws up a wall of the force on the ground in front to slow enemy reinforcements
>i start throwing javelins at the paladin, do a small amount of damage
>party archer shoots the paladin, does decent damage
>party wizard casts ray of stupidity on the beetle, it goes down to 0 int, immediately plummets
>it happened to be over the wall of force, gets bisected
>enemy paladin managed to roll free of the wall
>same campaign
>later on in the campaign, chasing a psionicist through a city
>he escapes into underground warehouse
>we run into a large room, like 15 rogues spring out of nowhere at the edges of the room, they were clearly waiting for us
>they all work for a cult, the high priest summons his murderbeast from the center of the floor (he was controlling a purple worm)
>purple worm bursts through the floor, I get an attack of oppurtunity
>crit on AoO, it dies. great cleave and kill literally every rogue
>high priest was out of range, my turn comes around.
>roll intimdate on the high priest. success.
>be minotaur barbarian in same desert campaign
>hired to go through pyramid to look for mcguffin clues
>be rummaging through pyramid, suddenly mummies
>wizard casts wall of fire between us and them
>everyone has to roll like 4 will saves against the mummies fear effect. i fail twice and get paralyzed for like 4 rounds.
>party is actively fighting mummies
>one of them walks through the wall of fire (taking a fuckton of damage and AoOs from a couple people) and walks up next to me
>next round he coup de graces me
>apparently a mummy just walks through multiple AoO's and a wall of fire just to wait a round to coup de grace someone.
>or informing him of either A. Skill Gap or B. The Dead Sea.
What does this stuff mean?
Is his name Jake?
Dunno about A., but the Dead Sea is the saltiest place on planet Earth.
No one had any interest. Nothing is banned.


Nah. That's just them talking shit. Kobolds are just kobolds.

OK. You don't like thing.

That's my favorite as well.

Cheers all.
So what exact system do you use? It doesn't affect your group's fun at all since you guys are obviously having loads, but which edition?
Sounds like you are doing a perfectly fine job to me. Having fun with your friends is more important to having a Phd in DMing.

>My first Dm experience
>set up starting point in Tavern
>my players rolled a dexterous elf warrior, and strong dwarf cleric
> for the whole campaign elf failed his ALL dex checks, nat 1,2,3 usually, while dwarf managed to fail all str checks.

For example
>fireball incoming! PCs are stuck in a upper floor room in Inn!
>jump out of the window!
>elf tumbles down barely surviving the jump
> dwarf does perfect jump, 0damage taken.

In nearly every situation dice favored strength in elf, and dexterity in dorf.
He said 3.5 & 2e.
That at least explains part of it. I remember the first game I ever played I was a thief with only 4 hit points. Shit was spooky but I survived for a while anyway.
>5th Edition Game.
>I'm taking a break from DMing to work out the next part of the campaign.
>Player offers to run a one-shot for the week.
>Another player wants to bring his new girlfriend.
>Ask what sort of character she wants to play.
>He says she wants to play a female Tiefling cleric of "Cocomama" the incan goddess of fertility and cocaine.
>Hoo boy, here we fucking go.
>We're sent to investigate a mountain that soldiers haven't been returning from.
>We get there, she immediately starts trying to loot the place and burn down the village.
>Eventually we find the leader of a local dragon cult because obviously there's a dragon there.
>I manage to talk our way out of fighting, while she tries to convert all the kobolds and half-dragons there to her god by telling them how much better sex is while on coke.
>She rolls to seduce the cult leader.
>Thank god our DM fades to black.
>The next morning the dragon finally shows up.
>I try and convince the dragon to come down the mountain with us so we can fight her one on one.
>She tries to convince the dragon to get all hopped up on coke and fuck.
>To prove her point her boyfriend's character reveals that he's been cursed with a six foot long penis.
>His character whips it out in front of everyone.
>We start fighting the dragon.
>She takes the dragon's side in the fight.
>She starts attacking the other player characters while casting command on her boyfriend's character and ordering him to grovel.
>Eventually me and the other PC end up just running away, ending the session.

And it was fucking hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard playing D&D in a long time. Thank god it was just a one shot, but I am worried what this girl will do once we actually get back to the main campaign.
2edition=best edition.

I didn't think anyone still played it.
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Well, I haven't played in a while, but it was the system I started with when I was in high school a few years ago. The DM had inherited all the books from his dad, which was how he came by them in the first place, so sorry if that makes you feel old. I honestly couldn't say what I thought of the system itself, other than that it had lots and lots of different polearms available and that, for the longest time, we were playing under the impression that a "lucern hammer" was just a really neat actual hammer.
How many polearms are we talking here? I have a great need for more polearms in my games and if I could dig up sample stat blocks from prior editions it might help my homebrewed ones be more balanced.
12 I think.
I suddenly want to play a character who uses that monstrosity. What kind of stats for 3.5 would you give that thing?
1d12 x 3 19-20
+5ft reach P+S
*can be set to receive a charge

+1 vs hvy armor

+2 cha when using, because rule of cool
>+2 cha when using
that thing is a monstrosity. Fittingly, so are these stats, but not in a good way
+3 to intimidation checks when wieldins and 2 or more are in view
Are you implying that thing can be dual wielded?
I've got 2, I reckon

>party is being escorted by an armed group of mercs
>described as "thoroughly uninterested and probably underpaid"
>set up camp for the night, mercs start cooking
>one of the party leaves to hunt food, met with little resistance from mercs
>one of the paladins hatches a plan
>says he's going to distract the mercs while they make a run for it
>because he "doesn't like being told what to do"
>he goes up to mercs cooking asks who's the leader
>mercs say none, but point to the best fighter
>describes as a simple minded potato faced man
>paladin goes up to him and slits his throat
>half the mercs panic, try to run
>he goes after them first
>systematically murders all of the escort
>party watches on in horror
>even burns the horses to death trying to kill one trying to hide under the cart
>after the fight, the assassin tries to patch up any survivors because he's been travelling with another paladin who's influenced him
>first paladin slits the throats of the survivors in front of the assassin, arms full of bandages

second time!
>party gets caught in the middle of conflict between a group of orcs living peacefully on an island and a "resistance" army coming to wipe them out
>because reasons
>party convinces the orcs not to fight, that they'd talk them down
>rolled well, arguments were good
>orcs agree to stand down and let us handle this
>go out to invading battleship
>try to convince the resistance that there was enough chaos on the mainland without going to war with a group of peaceful orcs
>roll well, army agrees to stand down
>suddenly orcs attack from the shore
>GM tells us to pick a side
>party decide to fuck it, and sail off

The paladin and GM were the same guy
I'm implying that having a couple people waving those things at you ( like guards), would be intimadating
Oh. I misunderstood, sorry.

Yeah, I can get that but wouldn't that apply to most weapons? I mean, unless yer so high level that it would take hordes to affect ya a few spears waved in your face would be pretty worrying.
Those things are pretty serious looking tho.
at least they didn't blame you for the fuck up
Id almost add a confusion effect. Like, they're such a tangled mess you have trouble tracking the threats so it reduces effective AC.
>Call of Cthulhu? What's that? I only play 3.X/PF and all of my characters are long-term and make it to 20 and beyond. That is, when I don't get a shit GM. What's a shit GM, do you say? Any GM that doesn't allow me to do whatever game-breaking shit I want and create a character that's essentially infinitely powerful.

>What do you mean I'm That Guy?

I bet you're one of those people that used GaiaOnline back in the day (maybe even now?) and played in RP threads that went on for thousands of pages and never changed cast.

Also another story:
GM'ing for a horror campaign
>ends with the PCs underwater facing off against the spawn of some cosmic horror
>the paladin that had been travelling with the assassin from the first story is one of them
>he has a very powerful lightning weapon
>and had made a deal with a demon
>needless to say, he was a force to be reckoned with
>but the spawn was more than a match
>beat him within an inch of his life
>turned to face another party member
>she was freaking out about the whole thing
>his paladin instincts kick in
>he activates his lightning weapon underwater
>sacrifices himself and cripples the spawn
>gives her a chance to kill it
>the blast kills him outright, tearing right through his negative hit points
>but he hadn't kept his end of the deal with the demon yet
>he was never told what would happen if he couldn't fulfill his end of the bargain
>party end up beating the spawn, but blacking out as they all went into negative hit points
>the thief the paladin saved ended up stabbing the thing with an explosive arrow
>they wake up on a beach
>including the paladin
>with a very angry mental note from the demon
>he laughs

also what's a decent reward on par with a bow that does ice damage to give to a warlock?
Id suggest a weapon that does the same but that seems too obvious.

Maybe something to buff their casting a bit? Like a rod that improves their casting ability a step or 2.
Did the players do that? Make three brothers who work for the guard?

Did they usually do that when making characters? Talk it out, and just 'decide' their backstory?
Where is the That Guy in this?
Cr 4 vs 3 lv 1 PCs

It's supposed to be a reward from the elven royalty's personal vaults, so I'm giving one a bow of silver wings that does ice damage that belonged to the king, and the paladin a plain dull iron longsword because I like him
I just can't figure out what to give the warlock, as he first played as a druid and I was gonna give him ironbark so he could wear armor but he changed it to warlock.
I guess there isn't, I just wanted to tell that story to contrast what paladins should be like
I didn't see anything that violated or even bent RAW.

Explain yourself.
Id say give him a rod or a wand. If a rod, buff his casting minorly while he wields it. Like +1 prof when casting. If wand, go with something like Entangle Id say.

Fluff it as a commanders baton from one of their most successful generals or something, describe it as commanding and so forth, and have him have to work out what it does.

Thats my suggestion anyway. I usually play warlock so Im leading with ''stuff Id like''. Obviously, if ya go with the wand then give him a number of charges thats level appropriate so you dont accidentally entirely unbalance the character.
He didn't throw it at the players. They sought it out.
ECL 15 game, party is hired to investigate a haunted mansion.

We go in, place is larger on the inside than the outside, we cant get out. Okay so we head to the first room. DM says theres a bunch of cryptic lettering, alphabets and a body strung up between 2 pillars in the middle of the room.

Everyone fails the knowledge rolls with pretty high DCs. Absolutely NOTHING happens for ages as everyone talks to each other, pokes around the room, but otherwise does NOTHING whatsoever. DM refused to give hints and just sits there watching us narrate our actions to each other.

I am a ranger with good fort/ref saves. I try to get the plot moving by cutting down the body. DM says i triggered an epic trap with a save or die DC of something like 38. I fail. He cites the "occasionally some encounters will be tougher than normal" rule in the DMG. As far as i know the campaign didnt go anywhere because nobody dared to do anything, nobody could figure out anything and the DM refused to deviate from his carefully prepared plan and just sat there watching them do nothing.

>No bonuses to trips and disarms

Do you even polearm?
This. You'd think the DM wouls beef them up as to give me them a chance against their overall incompetence.
Too bulky IMO.

No trip or disarm bonus anon.
That's a good idea, I may steal it
And in regards to accidentally unbalancing, I just balance out giving them ridiculously powerful shit by facing them against ridiculously powerful foes
The deal the paladin made with the demon was for an incredibly powerful healing spell that also deals radiant damage to evil creatures
But the spawn of the cosmic horror wasn't effected by it, and could deal massive damage in a single blow
Also, for example, the plain dull iron sword is in fact vorpal
But I'm not telling him that. As far as they know, the elves think it's a quaint human relic and don't really have anything else to give him
Why would you if they're enjoying it though? I mean, I dunno about you but if the DM gave me a power buff that I didn't want because I suck or didnt give a reason Id feel insulted.

Let the lads play how they want. I have a player wants to become a cheese magnate. Hes less concerned about being powerful than he is about getting a herd of various dairy animals.
Clever, I like it. And feel free to steal it bruh, I wouldn't post it here if I was gonna be delicate about that shit.

Question: What do you give a midget-dwarf alcoholic barbarian with a warhammer bar an enchanted warhammer? Im thinking of good random stuff to give him as like some minorly useful trinkets but Im coming up with little
Hmm... There was one idea of a magical item thread a while back of a tankard that had a never ending supply of mead, if you wanted something fluff-wise, but something useful?
I gave one of my players (the thief from before) a pair of cursed daggers that I saw in another magical item thread "love and hate". They're a pair of identical daggers that continuously replace each other a few seconds after one is removed from her person

That would be particularly useful if I decide to enforce addiction effects. Good idea.
Happy I could be of some use!
I do buff them a bit, to help compansate for the lack of a 4th player.

We do 4d6 drop lowest.
Players get a choice at start of extra gold, or a minor magic item. Each. Or; they can get one bigger item, like a bag of holding, for the group to share.
They usually take the gold.

That's all the buff they want. We're not a power hungry group.

We stay pretty close to raw.
That's what usually happens. They sit there and talk over what they want.
>let's do thieves!
>let's do a city campaign, where we're all guards
> let's play blasters in the army
>let's play young clerics, roaming the small villages
>let's be bodyguards for some rich importer

Once they reach an agreement, they start making their character. Giving me a few minutes to build a campaign on that.

When we start, I already know what they want, I just fill in the blanks.
I loathe 3.5 but if I had a chance to play with you and your group I'd take it, system be damned.
I see a lot if hate for 3.5 here.

And I can see how there's huge balance issues for some groups.

It works for us, because we naturally seem to avoid those issues. Not because of game mechinics. Mainly because of our play style, and because my players just flat out aren't interested in power gaming or levels or competition with each other.
I can't see 3.5 working for every group.

We've got 1 opening. Sadly we live in small town Oklahoma, where there aren't many gamers.
Fuckin wat man?
>2) 3 wizards can't be killed without DM fuckery
Level 1 Wizards can. They have like 4 fucking HP. A goddamn cat could kill one if it wins initiative.
Fucking kek
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>naming a character after an existing character
Design a world.
Players immediately go off the rails and do something ranDUM.


I'd like a 3.5 game but I optimize like a motherfucker. It's not so much I want to "win" or hog the glory, it's that I want to contribute to the party and I get depressed when I feel useless. Also I'm 600 miles north of Oklahoma too.
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>Running a game of Dread
>Horror Jenga for those uninformed
>Character creation is answering questions to get an idea on character personality, and a general idea on what skills the character would have
>Set it in a cyberpunk SETI, everyone a worker there
>A security guard with PTSD, two dating interns, looking good so far
>resident that guy shows up with "House but with explosive"
>As an answer to greatest regret he wrote "Top secret"
>When I told him to fuck off with that shit he explained
>He wanted to get rid of gophers in his lawn
>dropped bombs into their opher holes
>blew up his neighbors home
>pretty funny shit
>too bad we're playing a fucking horror game
>well too late now
>party meets up after alien computer virus starts pulling some shit
>security bots shooting people in the hallway
>"I go to the kitchen and grab every can of pam and turn them into grenades"
>i let him do it cause i aint got time for this shit
>i let him throw one which together with the security guard shooting knocks out a mobile frame with guns because i ain't gonna be a buzz kill
>we get to the end
>one of the couple knocked over a tower reading an infected file and is evil npc
>other one got smeared on the floor right as they were about to get out of the building
>security guard with ptsd shellshocked from ptsd and dead kid he was protecting in front of him
>don't worry
>that guy is here to help with his pstd flashbacks

>"Come on GI Joe, We gotta go!"

and that's the story of how everyone died in my first dread game

I really think group chi, is more important for balance and good times, than optimization or lack of.
Tpkguys group could optimize like mad, and it wouldn't hurt them. ( of course they're all rednecks from oklahomie).

>billybob bobbyjo and bobbyjack
>"hey watch this!"
> "fuck. Toss me a beer and let's try again"
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>Party get's assigned to kill an Orc captain
>We are crossing the bridge that leads into the forest where he and his gang are held up
>DM tells us the bridge is very rickety and old
>Says that for every 10 feet we run on the bridge it will start to collapse
>That guy:''I run my full speed across the bridge''
>DM: ''why''
>That guy: ''Because it's what my character would do he's random like that lol XD'
This shit right here.

Instead of:
> 5 lv 19 PCs
>a drow binder, a half pelican half gnome tinker gunslinger, a tiefling nophytazzick, a warforged warlord/berserker with wings, and a pixie paladin/cleric of cthulu

Fuck I hate my group and DM.
If you hate your whole group you are being the that guy
None of your stories are That Guy stories...
Posting not that guy stories, in a that guy thread, makes him that guy?

Is that what you're saying?
Well I would say at least the player had a lot of determination.
At least the party didn't have to deal with two Toriels.
what's a nophytazzick?
Texas then? Pls be my friend I'm so lonely.
>implying there's anything wrong with a warforged
>implying there's anything wrong with a pixie
>implying there's anything wrong with a tiefling

The drow and gnome can fuck right off though.
those pigeons should have died within minutes in that bag though
Pf has one I'm sure.
There's everything wrong with monster races as PCs.
>monster races

Anon, are you retarded, or just that unfamiliar with all of human mythology and fairytale?
I find it hard to take horror ttrpgs seriously.

Though might partially be my fault, since I went into the last one I played with a luchadore, El Fuego, the Dragon of the East.

With his biggest secret being he's not El Fuego. He was another lucha who accidentally killed the real El Fuego during a match. He wears the El Fuego mask as a constant reminder to what he did.
Fantasy varies wildly. Not all fantasy has to be "Tolkien ripoff #357." Maybe in one setting warforged are common but elves are fucking scary mysterious things that live out in the forest.

This NEVER CHANGE ANYTHING AUUGH attitude that pops up on /tg/ sometimes is frustrating as hell.
>get dudebro friends to play dnd
>it all goes well and they enjoy it, one of them is now dming our current campaign

never had experience with "that guy" I guess. One of the guys in our party is doing the classic new player "I am the super special guy who is good at everything" and gets butthurt about anything that isn't in his favor but he's gotten better and is more into it now
Warforged= flesh golem looking fuck.
Tiefling= demon
Pixie is a pixie.
D&d monster manual entries.

They're monsters.
See, starting a post with "I find it hard" implies that you possess the most basic human ability to bring this up before a game starts so either you can work something with the gm to get more into it, take a week off (lol it dread I had a game take 2 weeks at most and that one everyone was super into), or play a silly game instead.

I play more silly games desu, which is a major reason I try and run stuff like dread, to see what else I can do.
I feel like half of /tg/ is probably that guy to someone's party
>Warforged= flesh golem looking fuck
If they look like a golem at all, it isn't a flesh golem. They're made from metal.
>Tiefling= demon
Tiefling= someone who had a demon on one side way back when
>Pixie is a pixie.
Glad that's cleared up.
>D&d monster manual entries.
I don't know about now, but warforged didn't have monster manual entries when they were introduced. They were introduced originally to be a player character race.

And beyond that, see: >>45064085
If that's your setting I guess.

Its what I call "weird shit". And not for me.
Forums like this is where I interact with you freaks and try to show you your errors anon.
What's Undertale?
>made of metal
So like a golem? Or a robot?
What fuckery is this?
Is literally everything that's remotely different from vanilla D&D "weird shit?" How do you feel about Dark Sun?
Indie video game inspired by the gameplay of old JRPGs, with some bullet hell elements thrown in. I personally enjoy it, but it's become successful enough that there are people who insist it's way more groundbreaking than it is and other people who hate it just because it's popular.
They're from Eberron, which is a steampunk-ish setting, and are basically magic-powered robots imbued with consciousness and a soul and all that.
The greatest story ever told
>everything d&d

Pretty much. Yes.

I'm being a smart ass a bit. I don't care what other people play honestly. I hope you enjoy it.

Shit just seems weird to me, so I call it weird.
You are a very narrow and boring person.
In the night, I hear them squawk, the dumbest thing I ever heard
Somewhere far along this road, he filled his bag
With almost seventy pigeons [echoes 3X]
He bought twelve hundred pigeons [echoes 3X]
Oh, he got infinite pigeons
Narrow doesn't mean boring anon.
I just read a bunch of posts in this thread, where everyone was always human. It didn't sound boring to me.

If you have to get crazy exotic, to be not boring, then you suck.
Steam- punkish sounds sorta cool. Never tried it tho.
>Wanting to play a campaign where the main characters don't come from the typical western kingdoms that generally describe almost every human location in any setting

There's this great game called Crusader Kings 2.
It's mostly built around being a Catholic, Feudal Lord, but (in most cases with DLC) you can try out other things, like nomads, and Buddhists, and Muslims or even merchant republics.

The game feels different, because the rules by which your culture works are different. Your heritage, is different. The way you need to approach the world, is different.

Would you tell someone they suck at that game, because they want to have a playthrough where they're surrounded by very non-catholic and/or very non-feudal systems and people?

D&D isn't that different. A human has no real reason to prance around the fey wilds, and sometimes, people will want to have a campaign about the fey wilds. People will want to have a druidic centered campaign, one one about a barbarian tribe, or something that just does not fit with the WotC definition of what humans are involved with.

I mean I agree, that if the campaign is centered around necromancers who seek to defile shrines of Pelor, and overtake a human Kingdom, it would be weird for a bunch of Tieflings and Rapotrans, and whatnot to be the ones who stand up to it (unless those are very close knit with the humans in the setting) but you acting like there is no kind of story, where a Tiefling has more of a reason to be in the campaign than a human does?
That sounds like you really only ever played a very limited type of campaign, and that?
That does make it sound like the other anon is correct.
That does make you sound boring.
A classic
Actually, warforged are made from metal AND wood. Still no flesh to be found, though.

>Captcha thinks a bowl of soup is a cup of tea.
>tell someone they suck.

I said if you have to be crazy exotic to be not boring, you suck.

Giving specific examples where the abnormal isn't abnormal due to setting, doesn't prove anything anon.

A robot is fine in star wars..its fucking stupid and weird in d&d. If you have to play a robot in d&d, or a dragonborn in star wars to be "not boring".. Then ya, you suck.
I don't

Hm, well then excuse me, I thought you were the same anon who very nonchalantly declared here >>45064032
>There's everything wrong with monster races as PCs.
If it wasn't you, never mind, my bad.
I assume you also weren't >>45064135 then, who said:
>If that's your setting I guess.
>Its what I call "weird shit". And not for me.
>Forums like this is where I interact with you freaks and try to show you your errors anon.
Again, if this was not you, then I apologize, I assumed too much.

But if those were you, you have to see how it makes it sound like you just wrote something that sounds a lot like a colossal blanket statement, that declares that any campaign that isn't human centric, is wrong by default, and sounded like a massive faggot, if you said this, knowing that there can exist campaigns where humans would be the exotic and weird species to include.
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>its fucking stupid and weird in d&d.

You know what? Fuck you too buddy.
What usually happens..
>playing d&d
>player wants a drow/tiefling
>"that won't really work here m8"
>" omg...you are boring!!!!!!!"
Followed by whining and crying because they couldn't play the one fucking drow/demon in the world, that isn't evil.
Just fuck already.

You even sound like the same guy.
Tieflings aren't demons.
I don't even have the words.

I said if you have to be crazy exotic to be not boring, then you suck.

That's it. And I stand behind that.

IDC who plays what in their games bro.
Doesn't effect me.
I made a blanket statement about people that feel like only exotic shit is non boring.
I tend to play humans. So according to you..that must make me boring eh?
>Why must you be so boring?
>B-baka! It's not like I like you or anything!
Horned demon spawn...not demons.

>demon spawn
Not even that. Calling tieflings demons is like calling somebody a native american because their great-great-great-great-grandmother was Sioux.
Hey, as long as you're okay with the truth, then all's well that ends well.
>implying most people today don't do exactly that

So..if they aren't demons..what are they?

A demon+something mix?
Here you go boys, let me help set the mood.

And what would your definition of "crazy exotic" be, anon?
Not really.
Calling people freaks for playing monster races, without clarifying that this is specifically for people who use them where they don't belong, or somehow thinking my posts mean that humans are boring while I made no such statement, and rather established that there can be games where monster races do in fact belong, does however make you very bad at using words and understanding them.

See, somewhere down the line, you decided my argument for me, and decided not to read what I said.
I said not all "exotics" are special snowflakes, but all you saw was "humans are boring".
I'm honestly not sure what more there is to say on this.
Yes. Also note that half-demons are alu-demons and cambions.
>Narrow doesn't mean boring anon.

That is why he called you both narrow and boring. Two different things. At the same time.

X species is a character trait.
So is any given personality, or class, or background.

If you have to get edgy as fuck to make an interesting character, without being boring, you suck. This seems to fairly well corroborated by most of /tg/; we are o a that guy thread after all.

It didnt stop you though.
Abnormal for the setting.
And I said if the only way you can be not boring, is to make an exotic character, then you suck.
But all you heard was " all non humans suck".

One or both of us can't read I guess.
>A demon+something mix?
Do you have brain problems?
>half demons are totally not demons
>at all
>not even
Mkay lad.
Did you miss the bit where half-demons are different entities from tieflings?
Not in DnD.
>I think he just read somewhere, possibly here, about a guy doing something similar and was disappointed it didn't go down the same way.
I think I recall something like that, but it was less "pigeons are suddenly precision targeted drones" and more "unleash a gigantic mass of birds in confined space of the dungeon and sort through results of the chaos".

>composite of several memetic Undertale characters
>BBEG is called Frisk
That coincidence is too good to be true.

>Have I created a monster, /tg?
Yeah. Try telling him that a journey from selfishness to selfsacrifice is awesome too?

Or perhaps play one to show it off.

Enchanted woad paints.

>having loads of fun with a character
>GM snipes it with NPCs that have no reason to single him out
Sure he started cool, but the story end is That Guy moment.

Pretty fun indie game, rpg-bullethell mix. A ton of quirky as fuck characters, which the fanbase memes to hell and back.
The HOI dog and silent protagonist Frisk were flat out character copies, >>45054515 this guy had composited a bunch of memes into one.
So tiefling are a mix of what?
Goats and red orcs?
Or demons and something?
What's that you say?
Demons eh?
That doesn't mean they're half-demons you ceaselessly stupid man.
Define your D&D, anon.

3.x/Pathfinder has Half-Demons as separate racial styles and templates from the Tiefling. 4e has them as completely different things. 5e hasn't specified yet.

Not a lot of other games have half-demons as playable characters, but in games like World of Darkness half-demons generally refer to people with a spirit riding shotgun, a totally different thing. On the other side of the field, Anima defines several types of demons and the effects they have on your parentage, at leasy 5-6 different demons that can give half-demon children with completely different skillsets.
There's nothing new under the sun
If you name your character in some way, there is a really big chance that someone else named them the same already...
So what percentage demon are they?
1 to 5 percent.
Some. It's diluted.
They come from tiefling parents?
2e has the alu-fiend and cambion as half-demons, with tieflings as the distant descendants of demons. Playable creatures with demonic ancestry don't exist in 1e, OD&D, or the Basic family, to my knowledge.
There is coincidental naming like a mob boss called Frisk.

A perpetually silent Frisk wearing purple-blue striped clothing, is another matter entirely.
Since I don't play d&d..but I've seen pics here at teeeegeeee.

And a lot of them look like little horned demons to me.
Not always?
It can also be a recessive thing, where the demonic traits haven't shown up for generations before the PC.
Passersby think that Moon Knight is Marvel's Batman. No shame in ignorance bro.
>don't play d&d
>engage in autismal shitposting about how D&D creatures must work
So a demonic trait.
Two dwarves have a kid and it comes out tiefling?
Like a mutant gene?

I got that one.
I'm not up on my d&d stuff tho.
I asked two simple questions you fuck. Chill out.
Welp, this thread has been ruined by idiots taking bait. Yall have got to stop doing that.
That's beside the point you originally made.
Demons are alien immortal monsters, tieflings are mortal, terrestrial schlubs who mostly just try to get by, same as humans and elves, but have a bit of demonic influence from way back when. Usually it's just a set of horns or something.

The best analogy was the Sioux grandfather one from earlier.
>Two dwarves have a kid and it comes out tiefling?
>Like a mutant gene?
Yeah, sort of.
So the dwarves just say; " welp, lookie here. Aren't we lucky!"
Or do they give it the spartan treatment for defects?
Or do they call in the priests and start chanting?
That depends on your dwarven society.
Gotcha. Thx.
So its sorta up to the group playing? Not really a rule?
He was going out of his way to be annoying, he acted carelessly and with total disregard for his friends both in and out of the game. At some point being civil is just an invitation for people to give you more shit.
This is a physical manifestation of autism.

Eh, it's a That Guy thread.
TKP guy was loads of fun and I'll screencap him for the amusing storytime threads, but he's gone already.
>not pete the fighter
Tpk was great.

He got a lot of hate here though.

He probably left and will never return.

I laughed my ass off on some of those.
>He got a lot of hate here though.
Yeah, the shitposting was strong (and I think it's same guy I see in other thread doing same "you suck for arbitrary reason" shitting), but he took it in stride.
he seemed pretty positive towards the end

I'm guessing he just went to bed or something
>Made a deal with a demon

And he hasn't fallen... why, exactly?
I hope.
The mages drowning, was almost epic.
I've never played 2edition. So fragile mages is almost an alien concept to me.
The ultimate meme game to ever game a meme.
>I think I recall something like that, but it was less "pigeons are suddenly precision targeted drones" and more "unleash a gigantic mass of birds in confined space of the dungeon and sort through results of the chaos".

Yeah, there's a greentext from a few years ago that likely inspired him. I'm pretty sure it involved an order of magnitude more pigeons though. Maybe it was chickens?
I guess his god was so happy with him murdering innocent people in cold blood from the previous story that they could overlook it
Oh yeah, chickens it was.
>warforged are common
>elves are Native Americans on crack with chieftains that -- if they get old enough -- crack and turn into eldritch gods

How did you know, Anon?
AND stone!
>implying he isn't
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I have a couple of stories from me and my buddy playing Vampire: The Masquerade/Dark Ages: Vampire.
This is one we both like to joke about sometimes.

>Friend is playing an Assamite vampire (Middle Eastern Assassin)
>For some reason, our GM didn't allow him to start on a path other than Humanity
>Understandably, he, being an assassin, had some trouble keeping his Humanity high
>One night, he goes for a stroll
>As you do
>He hears a young woman screaming
>He instinctively runs towards the scream, trying to figure out what's happening
>He sees a hideous vampire, probably Nosferatu, about to prey on some young woman
>"I'll save her!"
>He rolls to hit
>Cuts the guy's head clean off
>Blood everywhere
>"Are you alright!?"
>The lady freaks out, since she just saw a dude cut a monster's head off with a bastard sword
>Our GM reminds him that humans really aren't meant to know about vampires existing
>"Oh, right."
>"I kill her!"
>He cuts her down
>Loses a point of Humanity and develops a derangement, OCD I believe. (Obsessed with cleanliness, more specifically)
>He finishes his stroll
Thank you TPK Guy. Way better than anything I expected to read in a That Guy thread.
I don't recall stone being mentioned in their creation.

My understanding is that they're essentially a wooden skeleton covered in metal plates, as far as construction goes. Probably with some alchemical shit in there somewhere, but eh, details.
but it wasn't abnormal for that particular setting.
"Warforged are bulky humanoids covered in plates of metal and stone. A skeleton of these materials supports woody fiber bundles that comprise a warforged's muscular system. Warforged bodies have an internal network of tubes filled with a bloodlike fluid that nourishes and lubricates their systems."
Since I posted one about my buddy, I think it's only fair if I post one where I fucked up as well.

>I'm playing a Toreador (Fancy/Artsy type)
>It's my first chronicle of any trpg ever, but not the first session
>Terrible stats, absolutely horrible
>Had a maxed out Appearance stat, though
>One day, our group had to face an elder vampire, and we somehow managed to light him on fire
>I remember that, if he dies due to fire, we won't be able to diablerise (eat and gain their power) him
>"Can I put the flames out with my trenchcoat?"
>I was wearing a trenchcoat and fedora, by the way. Absolutely disgusting, I know
>It fails, the guy grabs me and leaves me scarred for life with severe burns
>-1 point of Appearance
>Years later, we're playing different characters in the same setting, with our old characters still alive
>After some things happen, we eventually end up facing our old characters in a way
>Nothing major really happens, we mainly part ways without major conflict
>Except for the fact that one of the new characters, a homeless guy names Killzone, fires an RPG at my old character
>It hits, launching my character into the ocean and scarring him for life
>-1 point of Appearance
>My character now own a flamethrower, as I could not pass up the opportunity to have such delicious irony
Seems my memory is faulty. Thanks for the information.

Well, I laughed.
haha holy shit, can I play with you guys?
>tfw used chickens in a solo campaign
took 40 minutes to sort out what happened, but out of 4 guard dogs, 3 lay dead

>dog1 fumbles and hits other dog
>gets mauled by other 3
>dog 2 crits chicken, bites head clean off
>blood sprays 1d8 ways, spraying into dog 4's eyes
>it flips out, now blinded
>fumbles, rolls crit on nearest ally off the fumble table
>rips out other dog's throat in one fell swoop before being itself mauled to death by the last dog

And that's how my bag of two chickens killed 3 dogs.
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I'm sure that's a thing that actually happened.
He didn't know it was a demon at a time, and he did it to save people
He still doesn't know it's a demon
Different paladin, this one's decent
>player trying to interact with the DM
>player not being munchkin enough
Yeah your players are totally the problem.
If he didn't know it was a demon, it could be excusable.

Also, depending on the system Paladins can't fall or are pretty tough to make fall. IN 4e they couldn't fall at all, there was the Avenger class to make npcs to hunt down rogue Paladins. In 5e they have an oath to stick to and depending on the oath you could justify it.
Someone please screencap this
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Screenbeaned AFewTPKs
3.5, multi-party Game
>My group is on a stealth/scouting mission in the tundra.
>Encounter a different PC party in a fight with an Orc Steel Inquisitor.
Design based off the Steel Inquisitors from the Mistborn series
>Inquisitor has at least 5 levels on anyone in my party.
>Previous party leader, a Dragonborn warrior, decides to butt heads and instead of observing, wants to go sledding.
>Down the slope.
>Directly at the Inquisitor.
Fun fact: We poked at his intelligence the entire campaign because his backstory had him walking the continent going to different libraries for ~200 years, yet he only had an Intelligence of 11.
>I'm a human cleric so naturally I fail to stop him from doing so.
Turns out when a 500 pound Dragonborn goes sledding on his shield down a slope of lose snow, it causes an avalanche.
>Avalanche carried him so far away, it took him 3 whole turns to get back.
>As he passed the Inquisitor, the Inquisitor crit failed the swing and dislocated his shoulder.
Inspired, our Dwarf warrior decided to do the same. He didn't cause an avalanche, and came to a halt at the Inquisitor's feet.
>In one motion, the Inquisitor relocated his sholder and got a nat20 with an Orc battle axe.
>One-shots the Dwarf instantly.

>Cue Kipp groan.
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