Here ye, here ye! Gather around all ye Hero's of the village! For far too long has our village been plagued by those damned able and most vile raiders of the Underdark! The time has come to deal with the problem that is the Drow outpost within the mountains to the Southwest! But first, we must come up with a plan. To whomever's plan we use, I shall award you with a pouch containing no less then 500 pieces of Gold as well as the hand of the Mayor's second daughter!
Why don't we take the village, and push it somewhere else!?
Now that is one plan. But let us not see if we cannot find one that will ruin the village and it's entire economy based around the syrup that we harvest from the forests west of here. Any other takers?
Just call Jimmy over, he has more time and explosives than the dwarves do.
He's also as sneaky as a spider with an invisibility cloak on.
He'll just blow them all up.
Man, you villagers and your lack of homicidal crazymen.
The same thing that they raid every god damned time they come up from their shitty little hole in the ground! Our farms! Our people! but more importantly, they keep burning down my garden and leaving burning bags of poop on our lawns!
Unfortunately Jimmy already tried that last Tuesday... We're still finding chunks of him in the river.
Are there any other takers? It's 500 Gold pieces people! And the promise of marriage to the Mayor's second daughter... You know... The good looking one.
Burned to death last Thursday.
Ate a bad Cabbage and is now currently on deaths doorstep.
I think their leader is using him as some kind of toy.
She doesn't have any legs.
She can neither see nor hear. She also doesn't have arms or legs...
Revy's simply not suicidal enough to do such things. But good idea.
Anyone else? 500 Gold pieces! The Hand of the Mayor's second daughter? I'll personally throw in free Lute lessons for a month!
Do not fret, small dirty peasants! I, the glorious Cato Sicarius of the renowned Ultramarines Second Company has decided to take up your feable quest!
Simply point your /pathetic/ dirty fingers to where they raid from, and I, Cato Sicarius, shall take care of it serendipitously!
S-Sir! If I may please have but a moment to state my plan.
The forests mostly separate us from the enemy, as they are to the West, while the Underdark Drow outpost is to the Southwest. Perhaps we could rig some carts with straw men, torches, and other weaponry! From there, we would have the raiding party approach from even further West. We would then use any explosives Jimmy did not happen to bring with him, or fashioned ourselves, to cause chaos around the walls. Another prong to what I call this pitchfork assault would be to fill barrels of oil, and drop them from the mountainous ledges above into the fort below. Once the oil spreads along the roads, we would throw but a single torch, and drive the few remaining survivors out, willingly, to the slaughter.
Was that alright, sir?
'tis easy, sir! We can simply boil the tree sap to make pitch, which is extremely flammable! With the resource restriction removed due to our overabundance, we can rain more barrels down to compensate for their viscosity and lack of range! Eureka!
With the extra land, it will be a long-term investment. Ash is a fantastic method of fertilizing soil, and we would only need two hundred and fifty barrels for a village of our size, and their camp is smaller! That means we would have more than enough left over, out of three thousand, so we may still maintain a significant profit margin, AND be able to work more fertile land! We will undergo a farming revolution from the ashes of the Underdark!
I heard someone had a bone to pick with us.
I may be but a youthful farmhand, sir, but I have spoken with many merchants about one day entering commercial business, myself. 'tis but a dream I plan to act upon. I have no martial prowess, and would be unable to aid in battle beyond holding resources, but if there are two things I understand, they would be how to haul things around, and what the things I haul do.
I-I...WHAT?! The plan required time and preparation! I...
>Timidly stands before the man
I... I'll try my best!
Have at you... Fiend!
Ah, that was your garden?
I thought I smelled something burning.
You might want to go put that out.
One of my associates may have been a little to eager at the prospect of setting your wretched town to the torch.
So tell me supposed "heroes" of this village. Just what are you going to do to stop us. No, failing that, what will you do to placate us?
To stop us from rampaging through this town and slaughtering the lot of you?
I'm a patient man, so I'll wait for you to come up with an appropriate solution.
you need to put it in the options bar
Upon arriving to his backyard, The middle aged blacksmith would fall to his knees, tears in his eyes at the sight of his burning garden of Tulips.
NO~! YOU MANIACS! YOU BURNED IT ALL TO ASH!
...They were innocent...
I cannot handle the presence of such numbers in the noosphere!
Filthy vermin! Disrupting me from my reverie, die like a good rat!
Sorry brother, the rng gods will it!
You're deader then dead. You never even had a chance to make use of those sweet rolls.
>inb4 angry blacksmith pounds my face in with a hammer
>He lets out one more cry of pain and terror, before crashing to the ground.
>Deader than dead.
Right, who is next to die?
Surely there is a more worthy challenger amongst your numbers? Failing that, there are many of you! You may stand a chance of even overwhelming me! Slim as it may be.
So come on! Or do I have to hunt you all down as you flee into your holes?
I, Nyle Ransdorm, shall deal with you Dark Elf Fiend!
>Millina approaches the sobbing man, resting a gloved hand on his shoulder.
Hey, uhh... I'm sorry about your flowers. What's going on around here, though? Some stupid pranksters?
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>While the first of the Drows strike would hit, it would be nowhere near enough for him to cut off the hand of Nyle Ransdorm, Leader of the World Famous Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers!
Damned Elf! I'll show you a real fight!
Rolling for hits
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>She looks over to Nyle, and her eyes widen a bit.
NYLE! I didn't even notice.
>Her brows furrow in anger, as she draws her sword, and runs to slash at the raider from behind.
I'm tired of your kind, fathead! This is where you fall, today.
Rolled 26 (1d100)
Stop this battle commoners!
I just realized, I have left the oven on in the tunnel! The missus will tear out my intestines!
I must beat a hasty retreat.
>he sheathes his sword
I will return with my associates to burn this town to the ground! But, uh, later...
And I should treat this scratch as well...
>he starts to back away
Just so you know, I am not running away! I am a proud Raider of the Underdark!
>roll to escape the village
>Seeing that the Dark Elf had tripped the crying blacksmith, Nyle begins to laugh quite heartily as the drow struggles to flee
Yes Run while you can Fiend! For WE, the Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers! Shall stand ready for your return!
Rolled 25 + 15 (1d100 + 15)
>Quickly, Nyle would rush over and jump on top of the two struggling warriors, using his immense strength and large muscles to keep them both down
>Nothing of importance
>Millina laughs, triumphantly.
We'll get them tomorrow. Let's get drinks.
(I'm getting off for now; cheers, everyone! If the quest continues maybe I'll be on later tonight.)
You dare think that I, Cato Sicarius, captain of the pristine 2nd Company of the Ultramarines chapter, could not only finish such a trivial task in a matter of days, but not also complete this trivial duty?
I, Cato Sicarius, am offended! Not only have I, Cato Sicarius, recovered all of Vulkans relics, but also gand delivered them to the Salamanders chapter!
C'mon sheep! I have broken your pen! Run! Escape! Fear me!
>The sheep would loudly "BAH" as it lands upon the fighter, before walking off but a moment later
Did you seriously just throw a sheep at me? What were you expecting to happen? Are you sure you're not an Orc?
Enough of your 'plans'. We just grab our shovels, our axes, hammers and knives. All of us. We raid them back. We burn their houses, we kill their man and rape their women (and not the other way around). That's what i say, old man. Who's with me?
Rolled 68 (1d100)
How did you know that! Or rather, I am drow!
You must be a powerful wizard to see through my disguise... in that case, have another sheep!
>the or-DROW tosses another sheep
Rolled 90 (1d100)
I am the most powerful Drow on the planet, Borgonas! Slayer of the Great River Dragon, "Crocodile"! Defeater of the powerful "Small Pack of Wolves"!
The oven situation was revolved!
I still have my intestines! Now to punish you filthy knaves for having the audacity to wound me and--
Ah spinneret goop, who left Borgonas behind?
Looks like the situation has calmed down a bit...
>peeks out of a window, before exiting the house he was hiding in