Here ye, here ye! Gather around all ye Hero's of the village!

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Why don't we take the village, and push it somewhere else!?

>>45016699
What have they been raiding?

>>45016728
Now that is one plan. But let us not see if we cannot find one that will ruin the village and it's entire economy based around the syrup that we harvest from the forests west of here. Any other takers?

>>45016699
Just call Jimmy over, he has more time and explosives than the dwarves do.


He's also as sneaky as a spider with an invisibility cloak on.

He'll just blow them all up.

Man, you villagers and your lack of homicidal crazymen.

>>45016800
The same thing that they raid every god damned time they come up from their shitty little hole in the ground! Our farms! Our people! but more importantly, they keep burning down my garden and leaving burning bags of poop on our lawns!

>>45016863
Unfortunately Jimmy already tried that last Tuesday... We're still finding chunks of him in the river.

Are there any other takers? It's 500 Gold pieces people! And the promise of marriage to the Mayor's second daughter... You know... The good looking one.

>>45016872
Yep, that be them drow alright.

>>45016936
What about his brother Tommy?

Timmy?

Johnny?

How about his sister, Libby?

Jennie?

Revy?

>>45017003
Burned to death last Thursday.

Ate a bad Cabbage and is now currently on deaths doorstep.

I think their leader is using him as some kind of toy.

She doesn't have any legs.

She can neither see nor hear. She also doesn't have arms or legs...

Revy's simply not suicidal enough to do such things. But good idea.

Anyone else? 500 Gold pieces! The Hand of the Mayor's second daughter? I'll personally throw in free Lute lessons for a month!

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Do not fret, small dirty peasants! I, the glorious Cato Sicarius of the renowned Ultramarines Second Company has decided to take up your feable quest!

Simply point your /pathetic/ dirty fingers to where they raid from, and I, Cato Sicarius, shall take care of it serendipitously!

>>45017360
But Sir Sicarius! I thought that you were on a quest to retrieve the holy artifacts for the Salamanders guild!?! Would you risk your Honor by not finishing your original quest?

>>45016699
Does no one have any ideas, both bright or stupid for how to defeat these damned Dark elves? Or must we suffer with their burning bags of poop forever?

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>>45016699
S-Sir! If I may please have but a moment to state my plan.

The forests mostly separate us from the enemy, as they are to the West, while the Underdark Drow outpost is to the Southwest. Perhaps we could rig some carts with straw men, torches, and other weaponry! From there, we would have the raiding party approach from even further West. We would then use any explosives Jimmy did not happen to bring with him, or fashioned ourselves, to cause chaos around the walls. Another prong to what I call this pitchfork assault would be to fill barrels of oil, and drop them from the mountainous ledges above into the fort below. Once the oil spreads along the roads, we would throw but a single torch, and drive the few remaining survivors out, willingly, to the slaughter.

Was that alright, sir?

>>45018068
The carts would approach from the forest, as a way to draw their attention by torchlight. It would be a decoy. But a ruse, you see!

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Gentlemen, behold!

>>45018068
My GOD! This plan is BRILLIANT! If only the Drow hadn't used all the towns oil the last time they burned my Garden... All we have are these 3000 barrels of Syrup.

>>45018110
HOW In the hell is THIS supposed to help us!?!

>>45018163
'tis easy, sir! We can simply boil the tree sap to make pitch, which is extremely flammable! With the resource restriction removed due to our overabundance, we can rain more barrels down to compensate for their viscosity and lack of range! Eureka!

>>45018245
Brilliant lad! Just Brilliant! The only down side to this plan now is that instead of being dead we're all going to be damn well broke...

>>45018311
With the extra land, it will be a long-term investment. Ash is a fantastic method of fertilizing soil, and we would only need two hundred and fifty barrels for a village of our size, and their camp is smaller! That means we would have more than enough left over, out of three thousand, so we may still maintain a significant profit margin, AND be able to work more fertile land! We will undergo a farming revolution from the ashes of the Underdark!

>>45018385
And that is not even to mention the future profit we stand to generate with the foul raiders vanquished!

>>45018385
How in the 7 pits of hell do you know all of this lad!? You're but a boy!

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I heard someone had a bone to pick with us.

>>45018460
I may be but a youthful farmhand, sir, but I have spoken with many merchants about one day entering commercial business, myself. 'tis but a dream I plan to act upon. I have no martial prowess, and would be unable to aid in battle beyond holding resources, but if there are two things I understand, they would be how to haul things around, and what the things I haul do.

>>45018549
>>45018506
Oh, dear gods!

>>45018506
Dear god... NOT MY GARDEN!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

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>>45018506

>>45018627
>Would push the young lad towards the Drow
It's your plan boy! You do it! Before he burns my garden!

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>>45018691
I-I...WHAT?! The plan required time and preparation! I...

>Timidly stands before the man

I... I'll try my best!

>Pic related

Have at you... Fiend!

>>45018768
>mumbles to himself
Gods bless the village idiot...

>>45018691
Ah, that was your garden?

I thought I smelled something burning.

You might want to go put that out.

One of my associates may have been a little to eager at the prospect of setting your wretched town to the torch.

So tell me supposed "heroes" of this village. Just what are you going to do to stop us. No, failing that, what will you do to placate us?

To stop us from rampaging through this town and slaughtering the lot of you?

I'm a patient man, so I'll wait for you to come up with an appropriate solution.

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>45018768
Naive fool.

Taste my blade.

>>45018804
dice+2d100
>moves to dodge and, if successful on the first roll, poke him in the eye with his stick.

>>45018804
Oh dear gods NO! My TULIPS!
>Would rush towards the column of smoke rising from behind his house

Rolled 92, 47 = 139 (2d100)

>>45018866

>>45018866
you need to put it in the options bar
>>45018872
Upon arriving to his backyard, The middle aged blacksmith would fall to his knees, tears in his eyes at the sight of his burning garden of Tulips.
NO~! YOU MANIACS! YOU BURNED IT ALL TO ASH!

...They were innocent...

>>45018833
>>45018866
Holy Spiders!

I cannot handle the presence of such numbers in the noosphere!

>>45018900
Filthy vermin! Disrupting me from my reverie, die like a good rat!

Rolled 79, 87 = 166 (2d100)

>>45018961
forgot to roll

Rolled 54, 76 = 130 (2d100)

>>45018961

S-Someone! Help me!
>He attempts to dodge, once more, and escape.

>>45019057
>He fails to dodge, the extent of which not his decision.

>>45019057
Sorry brother, the rng gods will it!

You're deader then dead. You never even had a chance to make use of those sweet rolls.

>>45018956
>inb4 angry blacksmith pounds my face in with a hammer

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>>45019090
>>45019103
>He lets out one more cry of pain and terror, before crashing to the ground.
>Deader than dead.

>>45019142
Right, who is next to die?

Anybody?

Surely there is a more worthy challenger amongst your numbers? Failing that, there are many of you! You may stand a chance of even overwhelming me! Slim as it may be.

So come on! Or do I have to hunt you all down as you flee into your holes?

>>45019142

>R.I.P. dorky looking commoner

>All he wanted was the mayor's second daughter

>The hot one

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>>45019217
I, Nyle Ransdorm, shall deal with you Dark Elf Fiend!

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>45019309
A rather nice coat! Unfortunately, it does not suit the wearer. I shall enjoy taking it from your headless corpse.

Have at you!

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>45019368
>The Fighter would quickly, yet expertly block the attack with his blade before attempting to knock the Drow off his feet with a kick

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>>45018956
>Millina approaches the sobbing man, resting a gloved hand on his shoulder.
Hey, uhh... I'm sorry about your flowers. What's going on around here, though? Some stupid pranksters?

Rolled 82, 2, 12 = 96 (3d100)

>>45019424
The audacity!

I'll carve you bit by bit!

>The Raider attempts to recover and remove the Fighter's swordhand

>>45019432
Unfortunately not, Millina! Despicable Drow and another of their viscous surface raids! Either help me, or summon the rest of the Guild!

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>45019480
>While the first of the Drows strike would hit, it would be nowhere near enough for him to cut off the hand of Nyle Ransdorm, Leader of the World Famous Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers!

Damned Elf! I'll show you a real fight!

Rolling for hits

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>45019504
>She looks over to Nyle, and her eyes widen a bit.

NYLE! I didn't even notice.

>Her brows furrow in anger, as she draws her sword, and runs to slash at the raider from behind.

I'm tired of your kind, fathead! This is where you fall, today.

>>45019432
My PATUNINAS!!!

DAMN THOSE DARK ELVES!!! THEY WERE INNOCENT!

Rolled 26 (1d100)

Spider shit!

Stop this battle commoners!

I just realized, I have left the oven on in the tunnel! The missus will tear out my intestines!

I must beat a hasty retreat.

>he sheathes his sword

I will return with my associates to burn this town to the ground! But, uh, later...

And I should treat this scratch as well...

>he starts to back away

Just so you know, I am not running away! I am a proud Raider of the Underdark!

>roll to escape the village

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>45019680

OH no, you don't!

>She runs after him and attempts to tackle him. She's out for blood.

>>45019721
Get off me wench!

You don't understand! She'll kill us all!

>He attempts to push her off

>>45019680
>Seeing that the Dark Elf had tripped the crying blacksmith, Nyle begins to laugh quite heartily as the drow struggles to flee

Yes Run while you can Fiend! For WE, the Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers! Shall stand ready for your return!

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>45019748
Forgot to roll

Rolled 25 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>45019721
>>45019748
>Quickly, Nyle would rush over and jump on top of the two struggling warriors, using his immense strength and large muscles to keep them both down

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>45019748
>She is thrown off, and lands on her back.
Oof! I'll get you next time, you FREAK!
(I'll redo my turn if I get a nat100.)

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>he recovers from the machinations of the villagers

See you, suckers!

>>45019839
>She just pouts, watching him leave.
Welp...

>>45019810
Oh my Millina! I don't believe it's the proper time to be doing such things with the local blacksmith! Especially not when that bastard drow continues to flee!

>>45019875
So should I get up or should you get up...?

>>45019897
>>45019920
(I beg your pardons? Did she land on him or something?)

>>45019941
I landed on you while trying to get that damned dirty drow!

>>45019973
(Oh you didn't namechange every time and it threw me off!)

I, uhh... Let's get up.

>She moves to rise.

>>45020023
And once again, the day is saved, thanks to the heroic actions of "The Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers! With nothing of importance having been lost!

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>>45020062
>Nothing of importance

>Millina laughs, triumphantly.
We'll get them tomorrow. Let's get drinks.
(I'm getting off for now; cheers, everyone! If the quest continues maybe I'll be on later tonight.)

>>45017494
You dare think that I, Cato Sicarius, captain of the pristine 2nd Company of the Ultramarines chapter, could not only finish such a trivial task in a matter of days, but not also complete this trivial duty?

I, Cato Sicarius, am offended! Not only have I, Cato Sicarius, recovered all of Vulkans relics, but also gand delivered them to the Salamanders chapter!

Rolled 62, 3 = 65 (2d100)

>>45021025
Death from above, Blue Balls!

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C'mon sheep! I have broken your pen! Run! Escape! Fear me!

>>45021375
The mighty Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers shall never let this town fall into your vile and tainted hand Drow!

Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>45021432
Oh shit! A guy! I'll need to use my ultimate technique - Sheep Throw!

>>45021468
Unhand that sheep and leave this village you Vile Elf, before I show you the way to your dark and vile goddess Lolth!

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>45021537
Eat sheep! Huaagh!

>>45021566
>The sheep would loudly "BAH" as it lands upon the fighter, before walking off but a moment later

Did you seriously just throw a sheep at me? What were you expecting to happen? Are you sure you're not an Orc?

Enough of your 'plans'. We just grab our shovels, our axes, hammers and knives. All of us. We raid them back. We burn their houses, we kill their man and rape their women (and not the other way around). That's what i say, old man. Who's with me?

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>45021618
How did you know that! Or rather, I am drow!
You must be a powerful wizard to see through my disguise... in that case, have another sheep!

>the or-DROW tosses another sheep

>>45021687
The Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers stands fully with this plan!

>>45021698
Would you mind NOT throwing sheep at me! and I am a Fighter, not some low born Wizard! Not to mention I am the HEAD of the Guild of Mighty and Minor Adventurers!

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>45021758
I am the most powerful Drow on the planet, Borgonas! Slayer of the Great River Dragon, "Crocodile"! Defeater of the powerful "Small Pack of Wolves"!

The oven situation was revolved!

I still have my intestines! Now to punish you filthy knaves for having the audacity to wound me and--

>>45021801
Ah spinneret goop, who left Borgonas behind?

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Looks like the situation has calmed down a bit...

>peeks out of a window, before exiting the house he was hiding in