Your adventuring party is out traveling during a heavy winter

"Well that's food for one of us."

>>44997110
The two times this has happend to my party, the first one was an Even Cat who was a huge prick, and the other it was a polymorphed Copper Dragon who was a huge prick to our cleric and liked the rest of us except the rogue, who he ignored for some reason. Like, "you don't even exist" ignored.

We take the cat with us.

>>44997127
The Druid screeches at the top of her lungs

Our bard loves to brag about his pussy eating skills, now he can put his money where his mouth is.

>>44997110
Start petting it and wind up with a party mascot...murderhobos have a lot in common with crazy cat ladies in some respects.

Take it back to camp. Adopt it.

Finally got ourselves a mascot, now we're a real adventuring group.

>>44997110
That particular cat, or a different cat? That particular cat looks like it's pretty content where it is, so probably just move along.

A cat is fine, too.

Shoot the cat with silver rounds. No idea what kind of tricks the fae are up to in the barren Northern wastes.

>>44997110
Detect Magic
Sense Motive
Detect Traps
Mordenkeinen's Magical Watchdog

Fuck it, put up everything we got then pet it

It's a housecat and it's clearly unphased by the cold so it's probably near its home. Tell it to go home and move on.

>>44997110

"If the cat is overweight and not afraid of humans it's someone's cat. We should look around and see if someone lives around here. Wandering in a winter storm is a bad idea, and maybe we can return their cat and wait until the storm passes. "

>>44997225
>fae
>silver

I got bad news for ya, laddie
And a suggestion you invest in cold iron

>>44997211
I'd say a different one; I was going to post "leave it alone" too, but we can't assume OP's pic is entirely accurate to the situation, as I'd be hard pressed to describe that pic as a "heavy winter storm."

>>44997289
It's already cold, we're in a winter storm!

Rolled 13 (1d20)

I click my tongue and roll a diplomacy check to earn its trust

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>>44997211
Different cat

>>44997339
Wubba lubba dub dub!

>>44997110
Roll for animal handling to see if the cat is gonna be a dick

>>44997110
Check to see if it's a thermonuclear catplosion mine.

>>44997272
>You've brought home my darling pet, kind adventurers. I must repay you, but sadly I have no coin to spare. Perhaps there might be another way?

>>44997110
Detect evil, if it pings, smite.
If does not ping, throw it in my armor to join the cuddle puddle of cats already in progress.
~ah the life of an animated suit of armor.

>>45000698
Do ya have any mead?

>>45000698
Our Paladin who's not Brock Sampson bites his lip to that blood trickles down, and then detects evil.
What happens next doesn't really matter either way. Someone's still gonna wind up impaled, bloody, and crying on the ground.

>>45000698
A spot by the fire would be nice, a warm meal and maybe some drink would be nice as well if you've got spare supplies.

>>44997342
The cat sneezes in your direction and swats a little snow your way. He seems unimpressed.

>>44997110
>encounter a cat out in the middle of nowhere.

I cast speak with animals, then ask the cat where the nearest humanoid dwellings are. I also make some small talk with the cat, and offer some meat for his trouble.

>>44997110
I'm a bard....so...I'd _pet it.
What? I'm a bard, what do you expect?

>>44997110
rub its belly!

>>45002105
Time to roll a new character.

>>45002191
Found That GM.

>>44997192
Now I can't help but imagine that all druids respond to any insult to nature by screeching in a high pitched voice and refusing to stop until things are fixed.

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>>44997110
Give zero fucks cause cats and keep walking. Fuck cats.

>>45002665
You really shouldn't use outdated memes. Some of the more salty anons will take offense.

Also, yes, fuck cats. The most tsundere of the animal kingdom.

>>44997110
Let's see
The dragonborn paladin doesn't really care
The gnome warlord doesn't really care
The goliath barbarian squeals with joy picks up the cat and shows it to the Tiefling wizard.
The Tiefling wizard attempts to not get his face scratched off while telling the goliath that yes it is indeed adorable but maybe you should put it down it doesn't look to happy being held.

>>44997110
STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far of miles.

>>45002105
My cts fucking love getting belly rubbed, the male one pops a stiffy from it tho...
#notallcats

>>45004740
all cats love belly rubs

Some are just shy, the others are sluts.

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>>45002659
>be me
>ranger
>been living off the land since I was a lad
>always moving from place to place, never settle down in the same area for more than a couple days
>one day see a deer with a nice rack
>thatswhatthebardsaid.jpg
>figure its antlers will sell for a pretty gold coin
>take aim with my bow
>shoot an arrow straight through the heart, it dies instantly
>walking up to my fresh kill hear a faint scream
>pay no attention to it
>while cutting the head off I can still hear the screaming, its getting louder
>nope.jpg
>get the head off quickly and start heading for the village I spotted a while ago
"aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh"
>wtf, screaming sounds like a human
"aaaAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>spot some old crazed guy wearing clothes made out if leaves running straight towards me
>allofmywut
>I trip and fall on a tree root sticking oddly out of the ground
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>old guy starts hitting me with a stick
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>tell him to knock it off and stop that fucking screaming
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>figure he just wants the deer head back
>fine, I don't need the money anyways
>put the deer head down
>screaming stops
>he just picks it up and starts walking towards the corpse
>decide to use my stealthy skills to follow him and see what the fuck he's doing
>watch as he stitches the head back to the corpse with some thread
>starts chanting some ritualistic shit
>the deer slowly gets up and starts walking away like nothing happened
>mfw

Fucking druids.

Tame and polymorph into a tiger

Because why pay a person to watch over your shit, tigers have a better perception.

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Fuck! RUN!

>Mouse Guard

>>44997110

i pet the cat

>DM why are you rolling. what are you grinning about. DM?

>>45005085
I'm gonna need a will save, followed by a fort save.

>>44997110
Offer it a cheese burger if it will accompany us on glorious adventures.

My barbarian now has cheeseburger cat familiar.

FUCK YOU BARBARIANS CAN HAVE FAMILIARS IF THEY WANT!

>>45005188
>will save to resist further petting
>fort because the character is allergic
everything checks out

>>44997226
>Mordenkeinen's Magical Watchdog
>detects creatures larger than a cat

you fucked up son

>>44997110
Complain to the DM that he's trying to railroad us into yet another magical realm sidequest involving his cat fetish while secretly meeting behind his back to see if we can get his cats repossessed because it's obvious that he's abusing it sexually.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>44997110
I roll to pet

>>45002090
>Petting a cat while it's doing that
you gonna get fucked up nigga.

Everyone knows that's the "Let's play, and by play I mean I try and kill whatever comes near me." posture.

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>>44997110
Speak to Animals

Yo Mr. Cat, is there any place nearby where we could take shelter? We'll pay you in meat for taking us there.

Then proceed to scratch the cat behind the ears.

>>45005893
It's okay, don't worry about it.

Take the poor little guy in, keep him near the fire when we set up camp.

My character doesn't like innocent things dying, and cats aren't exactly made for cold weather.

>>45005893
maybe he's in a good mood and just wants someone to scratch his belly

>>44997110
Adopt it after we're 110% sure that it's not actually something horrific and murderous disguised as a cat.

>>45004894
>AAAHHHHHHHHHH
>Not REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Fucking meme-hating normalfags.

>>45000698
Sure, just let us pet your cat

>>45002659
NATURE DEFILERS
GET
OUT
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>44997206
Every party I am in collects NPCs.

>>44997110
Tiefling Paladin with slavic accent.

"Oh no! Ve must save zeh little furry vone from zis harsh cold!"

If the cat complies, we cuddle it and keep it warm and fed. If the cat runs away, we make it our mission to find and save it. Once we have it and the blizzard stops, we might look around to see if anyone lost it or it belongs to anyone. If not, then we'll probably adopt it or at least find someone else to do so.

I capture, foster, and adopt out feral kittens irl, so it's really not a far cry for me.

>>45006109
>something horrific and murderous
>disguised as a cat.
not a very effective disguise then.

>>44997110
Detect Magic.
That fucker is a tibbit, I just know it.

>>45000698
Let me play with your pussy!

>>44997110

Ooh, kitty! I cuddle it.

Who's a good boy? Yes, you are!

>>44997110
It's prabobly a wild or at least semi-wild cat. No reason to bother it.

Stuff cat in coat for added warmth, occasionally feeding it scraps to form some form of loyalty

>>44997110
I ask to see his wares. I have coin.

>>45006063
He wants you to fucking try.

>>44997110
>Black Crusade
Our heretek will take the cat and never let it go. She'll probably 'enhance' the cat with life support, but that cat is coming with us.

>>45002659
"Oh god! Its like a rape whistle for nature! Killitkillitkillit!"

>>45005339
Allergies are the most fun a DM can have.

You don't have to detect evil to know your smite will work against a cat. Dispatch the foul beast and move on.

>>45005823
It scratches you, make a will save not to punt it.

>>44997110
>Detect Magic
>Detect Evil
>Ask it questions to see if it talks
>Is it trying to attack my ferret familiar
If none of the above turns anything untoward up and we determine that the cat will not survive without us we will pick it up and drop it off somewhere safe. Otherwise we might pet it if we feel like it and my familiar might to try play with it.

>>45005996
That's just a really hardy gnome.

>>45008258
Why?

>>45008344
It's a fucking cat. You didn't have treats and failed its arbitrary charisma roll to pet. Roll punt damage.

>>45008385
No. Why would i even attempt a save AGAINST punting the cat? Scratch or no that bitch is flying on principle.

>>45008385
>Cat doesn't trust complete stranger who probably smells like death
>Player kicks it for that

Fackin chaotic evil edgelords.

>>45005996
>"haha no, get fucked."
Cats are douchebags and swear lIke sailors. Even the nice ones.

Get the party Rouge to prepare a fire while the Warrior flanks the vile beast wielding his trusty clobber,
the Priest casting holy magic on the frying pans to cleanse it
then i jump onto the cat and bit its ears of and claw at it to subdue it

>>45008700
There are no nice ones. Just ones angling for something you got.

>>45006380
>>45006238
>>45004894
>Party roaming the forest encounters two druids, one an elven servant of Ehlonna, one a human servant of Obad-Hai, screeching at each other over a baby dear that was mauled to death by an owlbear.
"REEEEEYOUKILLEDTHECUTEBABYDEARREEEEEEEEE!"
"REEEEEERULESOFNATUREBITCHREEEEEEE!"
"REEEEEVIVINGTHEDEEREEEEEEEEEE!"
"REEEEELIKEFUCKYOUWILLELFCUNTEEEEEEEE!"
>Unable to make heads or tails of what the actual fuck is going on, the party leaves the screaming druids to their own devices.

>>44997110
I know a belly trap when I see one, but I'll still rub that belly. How much bleed damage do I take?

>>45008423
>liking cats
>not an edgelord or crazy cat Druid

>>45008423
It's adventurers reflex.

>>45010220
Cat druid is the female zersion of a wizard.

35 yo unmarried woman? She's a fucking cat druid.

>>44997110
The sauce salesman who has already tried (and failed) to establish himself as the alpha-animal of fluffle of rabbits multiple times tries (& fails) the same thing. GM summons an army of cats to eviscerate us.

>>45010968
>cat beastlord

Jesus Christ how terrifying.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>45001042
I jingle my keys at it

>>45014176
Y-you're not entirely sure but it may have muttered something anti-semitic before going back to licking its balls.

>>45004894
>>45010174
The hilarious thing is that any druid worth his sickle would know that killing to eat is just part of the natural order.

Sure, slaughtering thousands of animals for just trophies; or failing to allow them to recover their numbers; or deforesting vast swathes of land are insults to nature, but predators still have to eat and people are just really effective predators.

>>45014176
>>45014708
How do you even fuck that up..?

>>45015136
You drop them and the car snatches them up in its jaw and runs off with them
>>45014176

>>45015663
Car=cat

>>45002692
As everyone knows
Tsundere is best dere

A cat is fine too.

>>45001134
I wonder how you as a DM express the behaviour of animals to those who cast speak with animals?

>>44997192
Tell her to shapeshift out of bird form before continuing.

>>45015680
Wrong.

Cat = Bus

>>45017767
The only right answer.

>>45006397
>Convince Princess to come hang out with us
>king gets upset
>Tell him he can hang out at the PCCave too
>They find themselves rubbing shoulders with a doppleganger assassin
>A Celestial quest-giver
>A Balor
>And the BBEG from the last campaign
>They're all playing cards