Stories

If you want to make a story request thread, then I advise you to not start with Sir Bearingtion; along with the dragon wrestling story, it's the story most posted around here. and everyone gets annoyed by it after a while.

>>44900689
Do you want caps or stories ?
'cause we don't have enough story threads in my opinion

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Some of these bitches

Caps or stories
Original stories would be great
They dont have to be golden greatest of all time stories.
Just tell your tale
Im happy to listen

Did someone said story thread ?

I will share.

A solo 3.5 game about a thief named keldin. Aka : bad luck McGee.

Literally the best stats I ever rolled. I was so pleased with him. DM had described the setting, and it sounded great.
I was a "servant" to a low lv wizard, in a city where wizards measured their status by their wealth. So my job, was to make this wizard rich. Of course, my wizard wasn't rich already..in fact, he was very poor. No tower, no house, just a rented apartment with a couple cots. My starting gold=15
>I started by finding out information about everything I could
>discovered that ships bring in stolen goods, and avoid paying taxes by bribing officials
>I found a lowley city official..and began buddying up to him
>find out when some ivory will arrive
>wizard loans me a bag of holding, and a potion of inv.
>I rob the ship, get a bunch of goodies
>a smart rogue would have made sure the ivory didn't belong to a ruthless mage..
>I find a fence.( going great!)
>fence works for bad mage..
>roll to bluff. 1.
>end up killing fence
>guards see me. Roll to bluff. 1.
>kill guards.
>find a new fence
>roll diplomatic attempt. 1.
>end up killing fence again.
Now I have a bag of goodies I can't sell. My fences are dead. The watch is looking for someone that looks like me. Joy.
>find orc merchant traveling through town
>make a deal with him to sell the ivory two towns away. Fair price.
>get seen handing ivory to him. Roll spot. 1.
>leave merchant area to find two low lv mages waiting on me.
>roll init..a 2.
>one blasts with mm. One casts sleep.
>roll to save. 1.
>crowd freaks out a bit. Panic. I am down to 1 HP when I wake up. Escape in the chaos.
>flee home. Heal up for a week.
>orc not back yet with my money.
>my source at the shipping office is captured and tortured.
>I decide to free him.
>stealth into house. 1.
>spot to see tripwire. 2.
>roll to snipe the guard by the door. A 3.
>say fuck it and head home.
>try again next night.
>roll even worse...flee again.
>guards are doubled.
More?

>>44901254
kek.
Yes.

>>44901254
it's going so bad it's not even funny. Did you actually manage to get your gold/your friend in the end ?

>>44901254
-cont-

> go back to find a warlock on guard duty.
>I'll just snipe him...need a 9 to hit. Roll an 8.
>warlock rolls to spot. 20.
>flee again. Get blasted for 6 damage.
>get frustrated. Burn house down.
>only survivor? My contact. He's mad about his dead wife and burned house.
>get him a cot.
>mfw 3 dudes living in a rented apartment like sardinefags.
>get insulted all day as I hide in the apt.
>healed up. Try another score.
>steal a crate of unidentified potions from a caravan.
>can't sell them. Don't know wtf they are.
>wizard starts identifying them.
>guards outside apt.
>roll bluff. 1.
>hey! I know you! Grab him!
>spend a month in jail waiting to be killed.
>wizard collects money from orc. Buys my freedom.
>try to make contacts in jail
>roll 1. They all think I am an undercover city watch.
FML

>>44900689
If you want some heavier reading, I'd suggest checking out two of this board's longest running storytimes:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=shadowrun+story
and
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/All_Guardsmen_Party

>>44901576
But..I made it to lv 3 by then.
So I had that going for me.

>>44901613
>Not even mentionning Britbongsteros
Total pleb

>>44901576
>go to sell potions
>see a guy from the jail
>bluff to avoid him noticing me. 1.
>"hey! Its that undercover watchman!!"
>no one buys my stolen goods.
>have orc sell them. Get low price.
On and on and on.
We finally gave up laughing about it all.
Some characters use all their luck up on creation.
I really enjoyed the setting though.
Next game, I was a fighter protecting a mage. Was pretty fun as well.

>>44900774
God, fucking this.

It's the /tg/ equivalent of memespouting shit from nearly a decade ago.

>>44901775
And I never did find it funny.
A bear PC?
Oh fuck that shit.

>>44901576
Your DM was a dick.
How was that fun?

>>44901576
kek

>>44900801
hate this one. necromancy isn't without consequence, even if you're using it for free labour or whatever. it's negative energy, and thus highly entropic--unless you decide to retcon that and say it has no ill effects whoo sunshine and rainbows.

on top of that, getting rid of all the demand for manual labour in a society is bound to have economic/social effects that were left unexplored because the poster was completely unimaginative. hurr everyone just started writing music and smoking weed all the time instead of farming and everything turned out flawlessly

>>44901613
Your taste is at least 50% shit.

>>44901713
I remember him saying that we're getting another storytime soon

>>44901728
Continue?

>>44901759
Kek
Im dyin over here

>>44900801
>>44902664
Don't forget that by defeat zombies and skeletons are either Always Evil (3.5 and on) or Neutral with a hatred for the living (2e and earlier)

>>44902741
>continue

Ok.

>use money from stolen potions to get a small home.
>wizard asks what magic item I'd like made
>invisibility ring ftw?
>can't make that
>end up with a small charm that allows darkvision for 1 hr day, and a +1 dagger
>time for some money
>find a pretty little gal, hire her to seduce a rich wizard who has a taste for the whores
>she acts depressed and gets richwiz to take her "out on the town".
>I loot his home while they are out.
>get a huge bag of gems..filled my bag if holding up.
>FUCK YES!
>richwiz charms girl decoy..she tells him everything
>I kill richwiz..girl is screaming..end up killing her. Richwiz's butler comes running. Kill him.
>3 bodies means magical means will be used to find me..
>stage scene..make it look like wizard got all rapey, and girl stabbed him and tried to loot, but got trap zapped.
>can't take 10..roll a 1.
>say fuck it...strap female on a table..hope it looks like a torture by fire got out of hand
>flee home.
>find out richwiz worked for bbwiz..and bbwiz is fucking pisssssed.
>gems are too hot. Orc won't touch them.
>wizard takes gems by ship for a long trip.. To sell them.
>2 days gone..get arrested.
>my wiz makes a deal to buy my freedom
>costs us the gems and the potion money..have to sell home.
>back in sardinefag apt again
>lose my darkvision charm and dagger
>lv 5.. Broke. No items.
>then I tried booking passage on ships and robbing the rich passengers.
>too many 1's..get caught and tossed overboard
>picked up by a patrol..roll bluff to claim I fell over drunk. 2.
>slapped in chains again. Storm hits. Boat sinks. I swim back to land.
>steal horse from a farm to ride home on
>don't have "ride" skill. Horse throws me.
>farmer and guards catch me.
Last I played before we agreed to stop, I was tied up heading back to the dungeons.

Great stats. Fun game. But fuckery for luck.

>>44903572
Wtf? What game is this?
That's like the least fun game ever.

>>44901254
>>44901576
>>44901728
>>44903572
That's just plain awful anon.
It looks like your DM didn't take drastic action when you failed checks?

Also, how did you kill the rich wizard? There had to be some DM help on that?

>>44904033
See...
>>44901254
3.5.

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>>44900689

Just leaving this here...

>>44904737
How the fuck is that 3.5?
No WBL.
A rogue kills a wizard.
Sounds like a homebrew pile of shit.

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The "Ork Presence: Tiny" part always cracks me up.

>>44905321
Did this nigga seriously screencap himself?

>>44905418

Seems that nigga did, yo.

>>44905213
Oh God, that one. Jesus it was legendary.

>>44905418
It's not even a good story.

>>44904320
Killing the rich wizard was simple.
He wasn't defensed up. I got the first backstab on him. Was pretty easy then. Got him in the hallway. No room to back up and cast. Second hit killed him.

All I can think about is my 'current' character (game indefinitely on hold because GM won't get his shit together, and a player needs to finish a character), that along with another char managed to almost get the whole party killed, have our DM add a custom skill, and seduce a dragon within about a week. I can write everything out if someone wants me to.

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>>44906788

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>>44906821

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>>44906856

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>>44906893

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>>44906921

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>>44906960

>>44900689
Have you read STORYTIEM?

Because I think you should read STORYTIEM.

>>44901613
Fuck that, read Heretical Love, Love can Bloom, or the Emprasque
>>44900689
>new to /tg/
LURK MOAR

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>>44906993

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>>44907026

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>>44907056

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>>44907090

The stories posted so far have all been really weak.

>>44907590
I got a kick out of the bad luck rogue. The rest I think I've seen a dozen times already.

>>44907674
shit that never happened

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That's all the ones I have, oh well.

>>44907590
That's because the kind of people that cap a thread have no taste, and the kind of people that repost caps have no brain. This was predestined to be a shitshow.

>>44907016
FUCK YES

thier little blog hasn't updated in YEARS! If it even exists anymore

>>44905321
Never post this again.

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Here's a recent story that I screencapped.

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>>44900801
Do you guys recall that short story about two necromancers who grow super fat off the work of their undead slaves until one day one of their thralls "wakes" sort of, and kills all the other undead, the necromancers, and himself by tossing them all into the center of the earth?

>>44908680
Horrible.

I've got one for you guys.
>Be 4th level Bard in Advanced 2nd
>Party was tasked with clearing out a dungeon and finding some magic soul ball to help our friend who had gotten possessed by a dead PC gone rogue.
>We go into this broken down stronghold filled with goblins and orcs and such.
>Slay, slay, slay, the usual stuff. We make into the lowest floor of the dungeon into a room pretty much made of ice.
>There we see three skeleton dudes sitting in thrones. One has this necklace that turns out chokes the wearer to death. Another has a magical cloak that protects you against cold and the third has a crown. We grab the cloak and necklace and just as we touch the crown we get teleported.
>Get teleported into a hollowed out iceberg.
Continue?

>>44909059
Only if it gets interesting

>>44909059
>>44909106
Cont.
>Come face to face with a white dragon. Now, since we're all level four or lower, we all ended up in our brown pants.
>Our wizard (the new PC of the guy who's other PC is possessing our friend) rolls Observation.
>See the orb we need. Right beside the dragon. Lucky us.
>Someone suggests I start playing a lullaby to keep her asleep.
>Roll to play my lute and sing, get both of them.
>Start playing some random song and have one of our friends go make a grab for the orb.
>Just as he's about to grab the orb, the dragon opens her eye and tells me, "What a lovely song."
>Double brown pants.
>We all start to get scared as she gets up. I decide to roll my Charisma and kiss ass towards the dragon. I call her lovely, flirt with her, try not to get my ass ate.
>Someone hands me the choking necklace and places the cloak of cold on my back and I keep walking up to her.
>I tell her she'd look beautiful with the necklace on and she lets me put it on her. Somehow the thing fits and it slowly begins to choke her ass out.
>With what little life she has left, she spews out an ice breath attack at me. Thankfully, I had the cloak on. Pull that thing over myself like a badass and save myself from getting turned into Bard-sicle. Finally, she chokes and dies.
>Grab the orb and use a convenient scroll of teleportation we found in her treasure trove and ske-daddle our way out of there.
>Exorcize our friend and our wizard ends up getting a ghost dude advisor thing.
That was a pretty fun dungeon, honestly. Hopefully someone found the story interesting.

>>44909059
>>44909569
I just love bards doing bard shit. I saw someone say charisma was boring in another thread, and I couldn't disagree more. CHA spellcasters best spellcasters.

>>44906856
That was fucking beautiful holy shit

I seem to recall a story about a wizard pretending to be a rogue who blew up the BBEG with a spellbook entirely made up of explosive runes. Anyone have that?

>>44910071
Dude, my bard is my absolute favorite character to play, just for the fact he does dumb shit. He's flirted with dragons numerous times, he's played his way out of bad situations and he's on his way to creating death metal.

>>44911188
Bards and dragons, man. Best stories. >>44906705
is me. I currently have a half and full dragon kid coming along at some point, if our DM would you know, not suck. Trying to figure out IC how I could have some gay ass marriage thing, super fruity characters. The custom skill is back massaging, DEX based, me and our rogue are probably working towards proficiency/expertise in it. 5e.

>>44910071
I fucking love CHA characters. My Warlord diplomacied everything in sight and made everyone his friend. My Bard had no combat spells or fighting abilities but still managed to pull his weight during encounters through sheer creative trickery.

>>44911340
Write that shit out, dude. I would love to hear it.

>>44911446
My character is the dopiest motherfucker there is. Our band consists of me, a gnome rogue, a barrel, and whatever scented candle we decide is right for the occasion. Doesn't stop me from taking fireball and scorching ray, though. Managed to outdamage the rogue and cremate another player's last character so they couldn't be revived in one fight. Chaotic Goofy is a pretty good description of alignment. Currently teaching dragonwaifu how to play the lute on downtime, she'd given me a magic lute so I'm letting her have the old one.

>>44907016
No i havent where is it?

>>44911562
I was extremely proud of not picking combat abilities (except vicious mockery in which my DM forced me to make a witty retort everytime I used it). When I got to pick my 2nd level spell slot spells my party begged me to pick up a combat spell but I opted for Magic Mouth just to spite them. In the end I was the one laughing when I used it to confuse a gibbering mouther that was wrecking the party into just leaving us alone.

>>44911552
>>44911684
Well to lay down a little backstory, I knew about the group for a while, and knew it was pretty much full of that guys/suck people, but I ended up talking to a guy that said he was in it, and he wasn't shitty, and said the DM was fed up with shitty players, so we talked over a day or so and I ended up in the group about two days after I met him. The only idea I had for a character was a bard with a ridiculous dragon fetish. Went with the lore college, didn't have a backstory other than 'from a small town', and basically just jumped straight in, where we said the rest of the party kinda dragged me along and I went with it. Knowing the party was shit, I had some combat stuff going on, but nothing much past Thunderwave, because I had to heal too. I didn't have to get into combat until quite a bit later. As the wagons in this caravan are circled up for the night or whatever, I'm sitting off to the side, just playing my lute, and this gnome runs over, talks about my 'fancy banjo' for a little, and pickpockets me, then starts flipping a coin. He talks about how he got such a shiny coin from his best friend, a handsome man, and eventually mentions it was me. I persuaded him to give me back my money, and let him keep the one coin. Thus began the journey of Sam and Geraldo. (cont. in a few)

>>44911935
I already like this. Definitely continue.

>>44912108
Sure thing, man. It's fun stories.
>>44911935
I'm not all that great with greentext, but I'll use it every once in a while. Anyway, as metagamers/shitty players are wont to do, one walks over and tries to get in on player interaction and hilariously rolls a 1 on playing his instrument, opposed to something like my 19. More shit like that happens, then morning happens. Next day:
>in rolls the two new characters
A couple players had died the last session, so their new characters came in. One, a Half-Orc with a chick's name that was supposed to be the 'dumb pet' archetype but failed, and the other, a totally unplanned chick bard that ended up trying to be an edgy version of me. Sam, as he does, is sitting there like the average ass human he is, playing his lute. The rest of the party goes into introductions, sorta, except for Geraldo the gnome who runs off into the woods at the mention of the half-orc's name. A little more goes by, and then Geraldo outta fucking nowhere whispers into the half-orc's ear
>YOU HAVE A WOMAN'S NAME
and dashes straight the fuck out. He goes full trigger mode, because that was the joke behind the character for some godawful reason, and fails to intimidate us, because he rolled like a three. (Cont again in a few, trying to read a book for class too)

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I have a request:

Does anyone have the copypasta about how crazy Elves are?
Not the one about the Wood Elf who will hunt you down and kill you from a mile away,

but the other one where they do the Dance of Happy Earth or whatever and they mistep the 1,107th step of happy foot placement and then decide its an omen to raid Humans

>>44912310
Oops. He, being the orc in that last bit. Anyway. I intimidated back after his second try, and Geraldo sneaks back over and steals their coin purses (chaotic evil), dumps them out into his pockets or pouch, and walks up next to me with them on his hands, talking about his new gloves. Because they're metagamers, they tried to say they knew/figure it out IC for a little, but ultimately he failed his deception, so I backed him up saying they were the hot new product Coinpursegloves, from Shekel Gloves and Co. and pass, because charisma is the best class. They try to metagame past it, almost succeed, but they make history checks and 'learn' the company had been in operation for a little over a year. Geraldo offers them each one of his very special gloves, and goes on his way. And by on his way, I mean he goes to feel up the new bard chick, and fumbles somehow even with his (literally) ungodly DEX modifier. She flips, as you do, and he quickly says he was just giving her a back massage, and again, I back him up (chaotic goofy). Again, I succeed, and he goes for an actual back massage, but gets thrown off, and goes to demonstrate on the orc. He rolled twenty something, and the orc threw him off as well, gave a thumbs down, and then a second later a thumbs up. A little later, we all get roped into going into our first 'dungeon', for reasons of the original party was supposed to, and I was along for the ride, and so were the other new characters. (Cont probably sooner)

>>44912766
Geraldo runs directly into this cave, since he'd been and died (spoiler alert) here before, but gets caught in this pit trap a little inside the entrance, so we walk in, notice he's down there, I wave, and we get him out. He darts off again, and we walk in further and see him, and he tries to get someone 'big and strong' (the orc) to come push a button for him, and when he refused, another player came to do it, and he was very insistent on them hitting the button on the left, inside this crevice in the wall. Sam was eating a biscuit next to his only light source, a cinnamon scented candle. After some more bickering, the half-orc ran over, slammed his hand in, and hit the button on the right after pushing the others out of the way. He was then trapped in a room full of fire, and was reduced to one health. Unfortunately, he survived, and we had to heal him. Continuing through the cave, I followed around a.... half-elf I think? He had a torch, and all the enemies were already dead and everything had already been looted. We hear Geraldo screaming, and everyone runs into the last open area, asking if he's okay. As he's holding his hand suspiciously close to his crotch and going "Just give me like 20 minutes, just hold on", etc etc, I walk up and ask if he's alright, then walk off on my own, after telling the others they should listen to him. I use the old tried and true strategy: Follow the right wall of the cave until you're back outside. I stumbled across a suit of armor. (Cont.)

>>44912766
Your party sounds gross.

>>44913100
They were. A couple of them have gotten a lot better. Roll20 is a wonderful thing.
>>44913099
As a bard, and a lore bard with pretty decent INT and WIS at that, I know not to go fucking around with armor immediately, and I use detect magic, because literally why not have it, and learn that it is in fact magic, so I investigate through an Arcana check, and learn that it's a suit of silent plate mail, and all that jazz. Cool. I dragged it out of the cave, and set it up in a 'hilarious pose' outside, while inspecting my book. Out walks the paladin, so I put my book away, and he asks about the armor. I say:
>"That's my new friend. He doesn't talk much."
He tries to get some information out of me.
>"It's very quiet."
He asks if he could use it, and I told him I'd think about it, and then I think about how much gold I can extort out of him and all that, because I'm not stupid and neither is Sam, and he knows that it's suuuper valuable. And then I realize that I could ask for something much better.
>"Hey, uh, do you by chance know any dragons?"
>"No, why?"
>"That sucks. I'd really like to meet one."
>"I suppose I could help you meet one later."
>"Really? That'd be great!"
And I gave him the armor. I didn't need it anyway. Shortly after, everyone else arrives, and then Geraldo runs back in, talks to something, and walks back out and we go back to camp, where I retire to a wagon to inspect my book some more.
>enter: Geraldo
(Cont.)

>>44913477
Ah, shit. Before I went into the wagon, we let the caravan owner know that we didn't find his stuff in the cave because there was nothing there, and then Edgebard decided to try to play some song under a tree off to the side, so Sam and Geraldo of course had to play her a little tune, one you may be familiar with. See, it was written by Sam's grandfather Rick, and Geraldo's grandpappy Phil together, and they called it "Never gonna give you up." Edgebard tried to charm us to make us leave. I passed my save, and Geraldo intentionally took disadvantage and failed his. We both left, while I whistled a tune, and THEN retired to inspect my book. My bad, it was a while ago. Anyway.
>enter: Geraldo.
He sneaks up behind me, leans directly in front of my face, and goes "Hey, whatcha got there?" I throw it, and start freaking out. You see, my character's trinket was a magazine with 'adult imagery of dragons'. Not dragonborn, half dragons, or any of that. Full on, non polymorphed dragons. As Sam was freaking out, during quality in character interactions the other players could only dream of, Geraldo convinces me he already saw it, gives me a back massage, calms me down, and asks to see it. I reluctantly hand it to him and in his own words,
>Geraldo's eyebrows are now his hair. He's feeling a little something he never thought he'd feel.
Or something along those lines. I have him store it in his brand new handy haversack, and he sleight of hands that bitch right in there with a 28.
>what book?
As our bonding comes to an end, another player tries to butt in. We exit the wagon. The session ended there, but the next day we were messing around in roll20, making joke rolls, where I tried to put a barrel over the Orc's head, missed, and put it over Geraldo instead, so we could explain it when the others saw it. He performed inside of it, with a 22. We're sitting talking on skype, saying that we could totally go on our own adventure. (cont.)

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>>44913838
As we're sitting talking, our DM popped online. We sat there for a good ten minutes, and then I added him to our call and we got started on our real quest: Sam's Homoerotic Adventure. (Picture is a shitty token my buddy made in RPGmaker something or other. I'll post Geraldo's next post.) The barrel Geraldo was in was slated to become the next greatest member of our band, so I tipped it over and started rolling it, with Geraldo inside of it. He was able to escape. Walking along the road, We come across a group of three people, the obvious leader being a man stacked like a JoJo protagonist, if his token was any indication. So, we set up what came to be our go-to for encountering everyone, the barrel with the scented candle on it. We start playing our instruments, I my lute and him his banjo, and we invite them to talk. They ask about a group of people that had killed their men, and we pointed them the way of the other group, and offered Geraldo's quality back massaging services. My buddy asked about how the guy's muscles felt and all that, to get the full homoerotic experience, and I offered a massage to the other guy, while the third member of their party, some chick watched. I also rolled well enough. Once we were done, we offered the chick a massage, but she declined. My friend asked the guy I was massaging how his massage was in thieves' cant. It was 'good'. They went on their way, and we went on ours to Waterdeep, where we went directly to the most expensive inn in the Castle Ward, and we asked to perfom. I opened with my customary greeting of:
>"Hi. My name's Sam."
Along with:
>"We'd like to perform here tonight."
The innkeeper was less than impressed, and we assured him that we were good performers, and that they had surely heard of our grandfathers:
>"My grandfather's name was Rick, I'm sure you've heard of him."
(Cont.)

>>44914049
I like these two.

>>44906856
Why are my eyes leaking

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>>44914049
Still, he was less than impressed.
>"Surname?"
Sam didn't have a last name, no reason to have one.
>"Just Rick."
>The inkeeper flips through his ledger of performers, to the R section, and does in fact find my grandfather.
>"Yep, He's in there. You can perform."
>"Great! Is there any way we could get a room for prep before our show? We have something special in store for you."
He directed us to the prep room, and we set to work. On our way to the inn, we picked up coin pouches, and some extra scented candles. For our first gig as a new band, we coined ourselves "F.R.U.I.T." (Frequently Randy something something Transients, OOC), and we would be giving out promotional merch at our first concert. We (and by we I mean he) attempted to make five pairs of Coinpursegloves, where I was going to handle four normal size pairs, and he one small pair. His came out fine, mine did not. Me to the GM:
>"Fuck. Is there a window in this room?"
>"Not one you could open. There's trash cans."
>"Is there a bed I could hide them under or something?"
>"It's a prep room. There are only mirrors, benches, and a few costumes."
>"Excellent. I shove all mine behind a mirror."
And with that, we went out to start our performance, setting up our barrel and candle. We both rolled above 20, and put on a good show. Some of the crowd loved it, some were uninterested, and some had this evil grin like there would be magic mouths all over the city in the next few days, repeating a certain song. We gave the good pair of gloves to the inkeeper for his son, and asked when his son's birthday was, which happened to be in about a month. We promised a concert for his birthday, and brought the inkeeper up to our room for a very.... average back massage. The next morning, Geraldo tried again, but was definitely still off his game. Also, in the night, he had gone to check out my Play Drake magazine, and out popped three of them from his handy haversack. (Cont. Also I lost geraldo's token, take this)

>>44914297
After the massage and inspection of our new issues of Play Drake, which were all unique but of similar subject matter, we set off to the trade district to acquire the biggest uncut ruby we could find, as we were on my quest for dragon poon. It was meant to be a gift, as our target was a copper dragon that had been in the area of a little town called Redlark for a little over a thousand years, and I had become very familiar with 3.5's draconomicon. Copper dragons, for those unaware, are more interested in natural items in their hoard, and they are quite happy to have guests in their lair, and even frequently host parties for other dragons, and in our case, the town of Redlark. I knew about her, because you know, lore bard that HAPPENED (and this was given to me by the DM) to be from a village next to an old library ruin, that had a well of knowledge about dragons. We find a new dwarf friend that deals in gems, and we ask him for a large uncut ruby, and he offers it for 500 gold. We unfortunately only have around 200 or so, so we haggle it down, mentioning that it's for a woman and he agrees, saying he was in love once. He becomes important again later. I mentioned that it was a dragon, in hopes he would react weirdly for fun RP but he accepted it, and we went on our merry way, to a little town called Redlark. Meanwhile, and I don't exactly know the timeline on this, the bandits from earlier trashed the other party, ended up killing one (the paladin), converting three, and then out of those three two died in an unlucky encounter with snakes (the orc and bard), and the other to literally negative survival rolls for navigation, ending up getting charmed and killed by a harpy.

That's all for tonight, more of Sam's Homoerotic Adventure tomorrow afternoon, say, 3:00 PM PST or so? I'll put it in this thread if it's still here, can't remember how fast this board is. If not, you should be able to find it. I'll be around for a little longer, if you want char info.

>>44914527
I am very interested in Sam the Bard. Tell me more. This is >>44909569

Does anyone have the Captain Drake sequels? I've read up to the one from October where he reunites with the group and beats the hell out of Hawk's system to prove a point about its lethality.

>>44914682

There was a sequel? But...dramatic ending...

>>44914693
It's hawk coming here to find him. They get in contact and her story time about the fantasy story gets cut off so they can reunite and erp

File: Screenshot from 2016-01-20 23:27:35.png (143KB, 897x739px) Image search: [Google]

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>>44914630
Just an overall goofy motherfucker. The whole 'bard with a dragon' fetish had been something i wanted to play for a while, so I jumped on it, and just played what I thought was right/fun. Appearance wise, he's on the handsome side of 'extremely generic looking.' I think I knew kinda how the character would go, as soon as our DM described me as a beautiful man in my introduction to the group. Part of the character sheet attatched.

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>>44900689

File: Screenshot from 2016-01-20 23:28:48.png (134KB, 897x697px) Image search: [Google]

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>>44914760
Skills. Crazy modifiers, also expertise may or may not be a little broken, I basically can't fail performance anymore.

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>>44914773
The 'background' page. You can really see how much I'm winging it/how visually generic he is.

>>44904767
OWWWWW NIGGA

>>44914630
>>44914760
>>44914773
>>44914779
Oh, I also already know how I want him to die. I don't want to spoil it, but it's so in character, it's beautiful. The DM basically can't say no. I even know how I want his money/small personal hoard by that point used/distributed.

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>>44904767

File: geraldo.png (21KB, 384x192px) Image search: [Google]

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>>44914297
My buddy sent me Geraldo's token. Here it is.

>>44906856
That was good one, fucking good.
Probably whole thing with forum was made up but still it's good.

>>44915018
That's pretty cool. Continue that story when you can, dude. I'm looking forward to hearing more. My Bard has tried getting some dragon booty too.

>>44915185
Will do. Though, I've done a little more than 'try' for dragon booty, hue.

>>44906856
By the gods, what a fuckin read

Do not read from the book.
We should have listened. It made us petty and cruel.

Pathfinder was big with my group, so when ultimate campaign arrived on our doorstep a week early we were excited. We over looked many details, how did we get it early? Who ordered it? Who paid for it? To this day we honestly don't know, possible only because four of us shared a house then.

Ultimate campaign has a large character creation section full of too many random tables. In every case, it created an evil character. Thinking it was a fluke one player agreed to run a game, his first.

Come game day he brushed over his notes as us players enjoyed the patio and sunlight, choosing to make characters then, even random roll stats. The results...were not expected.

An oracle of metal, maimed by a unicorn and with a desire to rule.

A summoner whose creation was his mute manservant, a dandy who wanted time to echo with his name.

And me, a four winds monk who agreed to genocide over a chair.

>>44915649
>Uncharted island for us to explore and prepare for colonization.
>Dick around in woods, end up finding kobolds.
>Goddamn tribal kobolds.
>Oracle volunteers to be distraction, tries to find a trap to play possum.
>Fails at finding them first, springs two pit traps and a swinging log avoiding all damage on all.
>Kobolds hear traps going off, battlecry. Kobold fighter spears oracle’s foot, pinning his good leg.
>Summoner has tea, summon fights smart.
>Monk in tree top thinking I'm clever, so did the kobold.
>Neither of us see through the others stealth until sharing the same branch.
>Fight blah blah flaming dragon kick, magic and whatnot.
>Oracle can't get the spear out.
>Summon can't either.
>Monk fails so hard oracle might lose the foot.
>DM confused that one spear did more damage then the entire encounter.

>>44915656
>Oracle hates all kobolds now, like a lot. That was his good leg.
>More exploring! Cave ruins? Sweet.
>Turns out cave system is elaborate trap system for kobolds to catch meat.
>We get caught. Spin around floor and a slide.
>Ruins summoner's robe on the way down, the escape didn't help.
>He kinda gets super pissed, his dignity and pride got wrecked by rotten food and mud.
>Ah fire, the adventurers solution.
>Kobolds have a cart and some donkey thing outside, figure on taking it to get back to camp.
>My handle animal rolls...it sure took us home.

>Wagon away from cave, takes us dead center of kobold village.
>Grand chest beating by warriors and priests. They have us roll up to see the king.
>He blah blahs with the how dare you, families murdered, not sure if they will starve.
>None of us share a common language with kobolds so its just annoying squeaks.
>Kobold king goes back to his throne while oracle and summoner argue back and forth on how to purge.
>DM describes the throne, not elephant tusks, gemstones, dragonhide…
Guys, I call dibs. Chair is mine, you can have the crown.
>So the island was wiped of kobold life, because of a spear, some mud and a chair.

>>44906856
>>44914682
>>44914693
>>44914755
I had a feeling about this thread.

This one has been by far the lowest quality screencap thread in a while, and it follows the "Reddit" pattern.

Basically, one or two guys decide it's time to promote a Reddit story on /tg/, so they make a thread, fill it with really low quality screencaps, and make sure to focus their attention on a particularly mediocre story. Edgardo in the past, Drake in the present.

It's really obvious when this is done, especially if it's done in the same pattern again and again.