Fuck it. i need some good old fashioned escapist power fantasy.
5 years ago, a strange black glittering substance known as "star oil" found its way to very specific people. its unreal properties transformed these people.
earth has regressed to a kind of feudal system, with powerful immortals, (the once gormless humans chosen by the stars) ruling over the world. whether they are stoic figures of power like the tomb lord and the rarely seen "frost", or power mad fools like donny draco, they are all dangerous.
but the star oil has chosen a new immortal, you!
who are you? are you male? female? are you a nerd in highschool or a middle aged businessman?
yeah sure why not.
you feel something. this is not supposed to be a thing.
you quickly realize your thinking. that means you have a mind. that's also new.
you are... well, were, a rock on a beach. but on this day, your boulder like form stretched out to reveal your new stature as a sentient being.
you look like a very crude statue. possibly some sort of golem. the waves lap at the shore, and the sun is slowly rising. our a new life in this world.
what do you do?
your knowledge of humans reports mentions of genitals. looking down, there is nothing between your stony legs. perhaps as you become stronger you can try and make yourself some.
your mind wanders with images of a lavish cave, with many fine crystals, and a fine collection of stony women, smooth, tumbled glittering beauties...
you banish these disturbing fantasies from your mind. of all the emotions, lust is a confusing one.
straightening up, you turn your thoughts to inland. there are... objects to be acquired. lumbering up the shore, you find one of the roads from the old times. it is cracked and dirty. a decrepit metal rail stands between you and the road, but it is no match for your mighty stone arms.
you hear a rattling engine sound coming from up the road.
Quest added: a bare head is not a fair head.
a rusted pickup truck has come chugging down the road. its back is loaded with scrap. the driver is whistling a jaunty tune. however, he has
he is wearing a white panama hat. you are wearing a piece of rusted gaurdrail.
you are around 6 foot 9
possibly. not that much though.
you charge forward and slam the hood of the truck down. you hear a shouted obscenity from the driver. the truck isn't going anywhere.
you tear one of the front tires off the truck and combine it with the gaurdrail to make a grander hat. the driver is sitting stock still, staring.
"what are you? cause your not one o quartzs boys, and she gets mighty upset when other people tryn make rock monsters."
"you... give me a name." you state, in a voice like granite.
The man is turning his hat in his hands.
"hows... er... um... listen mister, i just collect scrap for the boss, i dont make it a policy to go around effectin things... hows cliff?" he smiles awkwardly.
you pick the man up and set him on your shoulders.
"whoa nelly! hold on here, i gotta get this scrap to the boss. he gets mighty upset when he dont have his scrap."
Combine some of the scrap with our hat, and then
Put the farmer on top of the hat to ride around on (and point out where he needs to go). He shall be the top of our new top hat
"I thank you for the name, human. I think I will keep you."
This is the closest thing to adding himself to you.
" woah now, I'm signed on with lord grind. If you take me, one of his humble scrap gatherers, hell probably send at least 3 bots to find me. So I'll just"
Power found: aura of immortal authority.
As you walk down the road, something your new serf says intrigues you.
"Who is quartz?" You rumble.
"Quartz is the queen of the underground up north. Lord grind and her has a treaty goin right now, trying to take down mumbo. She gets pissy when anyone try's to muscle in on her gimmick, and hooeee does she throw a tantrum."
You use truck parts to build a crude top hat. Placing it on your head, you point at the cushioned top. Your serf obliges and climbs on top.
You look him over. One of his shirt buttons is a dingy copper, and faintly glowing. It exudes a powerful aura.
"So Quartz makes rocks into people?"
"Not exactly. She sings, and the rocks dance. Least that's what her ambassador goes on about. I saws him once, when I was presenting my daily load O scrap. Talkin to The Lord bout the beauty of the rocks. If you were an immortal, I'd tell you to watch out."
You pull a little over a third of the boulder into your body. Your overall mass goes up a little bit.
"Wowee! You don't seem like one of them wizards from across the ocean. Are you an immortal?"
You reach up and take the serfs button. Upon inspection, it is an ownership tag. It exudes a powerful, no doubt easily tracked aura. it has a small engraving of a gear.
Item added: lord grinds property tag.
"Me am CLIFF, not animortal." You rumble.
"Heh heh, sorry. I'm joe."
You plod down the road for ages.
"You know, my grand pappy lived before the immortals. I can't even imagine that."
The silence continues.
"Were almost in lord grind's turf, cliff. You wanna keep goin?"
"Cliff walk. I do not fear your master."
One walk later, there is a great city in sight. You can hear its industrial bustle from here.
"There she is, gearbeat, heart of grinds empire! Also home to the bronze citadel. That's where I work!"
Joe seems giddy.
"Except I ain't got this weeks scrap..."
He sags a bit
You place your hand on the ground and draw 2 large lumps out of the ground, one copper, one tin. Then you smash them together. The resulting lump of bronze is heavy as hell, but it is a pure chunk of metal.
"Is this sufficient?"
Joe is in awe.
"That's this week, next week, and a couple after that for good measure! Hooooeee! I'm gonna eat well tonight! C'mon, let's go see lord grind!"
Joe is guiding you through the bustling streets of the city. The populace is well stocked with stares and whispers, but no one seems to regard you with hostility.
"Now turn left here!"
You are standing at the front gates of the bronze palace. There is a odd column beside the door. It's eye clicks open.
"Business?" It asks coldly.
"Howdy missy!" Joe tips his hat to the red eye glaring at him
"Hello joe. Your scrap collection vehicle is missing. Trackers indicate it is on a road 10 miles away."
"I don't need scrap today, show her the nugget, cliff!"
You raise the bronze nugget.
""Cliff" is living rock, but not associated with lady quartz. Explain."
"It's a long story missy. But I need to show cliff and this fine nugget to the boss. Is he busy?"
Missy is silent.
"He's in 45th floor conservatory. Go right in."
The gate opens.
Joe is a little simple, but you feel he is good company.
Joe has led the pair of you into an elevator. Steam pipes whistle and rattle, and you begin to ascend.
As you ride the platform, you cannot help but feel like powering everything with steam is monstrously inefficient. Perhaps there is a reason.
Ding! 45tth floor.
The conservatory is ahead. You can hear soft chamber music.
You approach the conservatory, still reuniting in all this steam powered shit.
You enter the conservatory.
Lord grind is a tall man, well dressed to be sure, but sorely in need of an advisor standing behind him with a rolled up newspaper, smacking him and saying "steampunk design is not applicable to all things." The steam powered elevator makes perfect sense now.
He is at tea with a woman in white. Her hair sparkles like gem dust, and her dress has several large quartz spikes on the shoulders and back. Her dress alone is a flagrant waste of the stones bounty. You can't wait to hear how she governs.
Neither of them are paying attention to you.
How do you make your first impression?
>ass kissing method
>coked out roid rager method
You approach the tea table quietly, and clear your throat at a safe distance.
"Hello there... Experimenting again, are we quartzy?" He asks the woman bemusedly.
"He's not one of mine." She almost growls. "Who made you?"
"Not sure. Just woke up a few hours ago. Who made you?"
She seems incensed, but sits back and stews instead if vocalizing it.
"Your man joe here is a good guy. He have me a name, directions, and the parts for this spiffy hat.
>that is why I return him
>that is why I return him in one piece
>that is why im keeping him.
"That is why I return him. Along with the nugget."
"That's very big of you. Tell me, have you figured out how to use any immortal powers yet?"
Grind has a sharp air around him.
(I fell asleep! Sorry about that. I also have classes today, so updates will occur whenever I can.)
"Me am cliff, not animortal."
"Although I am a master hat maker."
"Really, nothing yet?"
Something is wrong.
The next 10 minutes occur in slow motion-O vision.
Grind snaps his fingers, and produces a white hot jet of steam. Roll 1d4 to dodge.
you tumble to the side, dodging the blast.
"pity. i was hoping to make this quick."
"whats going on? why are you doing this?"
"if your an immortal, you'll bleed star oil. i've got a project that needs some. and if your not, well, itll impress my ladyfriend if nothing else. now hold still."
2! alright, you managed to hit him in the shoulder. so now he has to use his other arm for magic-whatevers.
"urf... not bad."
he staggers back, readying another spell of some kind. unfortunately for him, he is standing in front of the conservatory's window.
do i even need to ask?
you charge forward and kick him. he goes flying backwards out the window, and falls.
i like it!
You run at full speed and dive out the window.
lord grind was starting to get up, and preparing to fly back up and make one of those, "now your starting to piss me off, nothin personnel kid" returns, thats not happening anymore.
"HERE COMES THE CLIFF!"
lord grind has barely a moment to exclaim before he is crushed under your mighty form.
the smear that was grind is pathetic next to your DRY WIT.
you are in a courtyard. there is a fine garden here. the sun plays off your cragged form, but it feels good. lady quartz is here. she looks from you, to the grease spot on the ground, and appears to think for a moment.
i like where this is going.
the citadel of bronze or whatever the fuck it was called looks a bit different. perhaps slightly smaller, and heavily tarnished. joe has come down from up above.
"woweee! you just walked in and took him out! that was amazin! i aint got a job! whoopee! i think im gonna go back home and see how everyones doin on the ranch!"
lady quartz has come closer.
"listen, cliff. im not going to pretend what you did wasnt impressive, but theres a way things work. the world is nearly at rest, and disturbing the political balance is not appreciated."
"Cliff only smash bad guys, okay?"
Quartz sighs. "You've got your work cut out then. Immortals are power hungry beings. Even those among us who are "noble" are probably not the best people to put in charge of anything. I wish you luck cliff. I like you."
Joe is getting ready to hit the open road. He's packed a small bindle.
"Hey, cliff! You should come with me! Ma'd love you. It's just ways east if here!"
You follow joe out the back gate of the garden, stopping momentarily to feel the glittering silver lipstick print on your cheek. Sentience might be something you could get into.
You and joe carry on. The skies are clear.
Eventually, you crest a hill. Visible in the distance, along the road, there is a ranch. Small yet robust. Joe is overjoyed, and takes off at speed.
Follow him at speed, not fully understanding why he feels the need to move so fast (considering how slowly rocks move on average), but join him anyway.
Enjoy the sensation of the wind on our face, and grass beneath our feet while running, appreciate sentience.
You are reminded of the property tag in your inventory, nothing more than a trophy at this point. Pulling it out and looking at it, it still exudes its aura, but it no longer glows.
You have reached the ranch. Joe is talking with an older matronly looking woman at the door. "And then cliff body slammed him, and I came home! Hey cliff! I want you to meet my mom!"
You have been seen.
"Oh my stars, look at you. So you thumped ol grind, didya?"
Joe is wandering around inside the house. "Hey ma, is Jess here right now?"
"She went out riding. She should be back soon."
"Does the ranch have ponies?"
"Only one. He's only technically a pony. Hes a quarter draft horse, and I think he ate a man once."
"I must acquire a steed."
"He can probably hold you. Ma would never let him off the ranch though. Not until she's gotten her money's worth of every penny she payed for im. C'mon, he's in the yard."
The pony, who's name is ladle, is standing at the south end of the horse yard. He is staring fixedly out over the plains.
"Here he is. I hope Jess gets back soon. It's startin to get dark."
Joe attempts to move ladle, but he won't budge. The sun is mostly set.
"Is it dangerous when it gets dark?"
"Only around bloodgulch canyon. That's where the bat riders live. I don't know what she'd be doing out there though."
"Should I go find her?"
"Can if ya want."
First off, I'd like to say that this is a god damn amazing quest. And that you're a god damn amazing person.
Second, we should ask if our new steed knows something we don't! Or perhaps use some earthy magic to talk to the horse directly! Also, maybe Ol' Ma would accept
You crouch down next to ladle.
"What's going on out there?"
Ladle says nothing
"Is Jess in trouble?"
Thanks for the encouragement! This quest has been fun to run. I'm just hoping my phone holds out. It's almost dead and my charger is back at the house.
Well, that settles that! Ladle, lead the way to our maiden in need! Also, I meant to end that with, "We should see if Ol' Ma will take a big ole hunk of metal in return for the horse!
Ladle is exceptionally sturdy. He can carry you.
You mount up, and take off. Joe is watching in awe. Ladle thunders across the plains , seemingly knowing where to go.
You can hear bats.
As you crest the ridge, you see a fight in progress. A blonde girl on a panicking horse is shooting at a pair of giant bats.
The bats appear to be trying to spook the horse.
One of the bats is carrying a rider with a net.
You throw your metal toppat at the whooping bat rider. You hit the bat right between the eyes, and it squeaks and spins out over a nearby hill. The other one follows it.
Jess wipes her brow and attempts to calm the horse.
You ride ladle down the ridge.
"You are Jess, correct? Are you injured?"
Jess has finished dusting herself off.
"Ahm just fine. Their orders have always been to bring me in alive. I'm Jess. Nice ya meetcha."
I JUST REMEMBERED! Wasn't there that salt deposit that talked all kinds of shit at you when you were all "I'm gonna go in the ocean and become a total badass!" We should go gloat.
"Why are they after you?"
"Their leader is madly in love with me. I have to fight them off every once in a while. I just took out a horse that wasn't used to it today."
You turn your attention to your hat. You attempt to plot device it for fun.
"Must be some good stuff if you're willing to risk your life over it. If only I had a mouth...Your family is worried about you so we should head back, speak more about the leader of these bat riders, how did he fall for you?"
"Well, it's not life riskin, really. If any of them hurt me, bets' would feed em to their own damn bats."
The pair of you start towards the ranch.
"Lessee... Betsy's a strange one. Ah think she just saw me when I was out cactus hunting. But you know vampires."
Jess is on a bug eyed brown horse.
"I don't know vampires. Are they squishy?"
"They vary , but they drink blood, like he dark, and enjoy hopeless romanteecism. had say their moody, but Betsy is fairly energetic."
I'm gonna be off for like 2 hours guys, sorry.
"So tell me about Betsy. She in need of a smashin?"
"No! Ah mean... No, she's just a mild annoyance. Oh look were home!"
You and Jess arrive back at the ranch, to the sounds of happy joe.
"Cliff! Your back! And you found Jess! Ma just finished makin dinner... Do you eat?"
You have a mouth, but you haven't given food much thought.
You do not need sleep, as such, you spend the night walking around the ranch. You say hello to ladle, discover the true function of the water punp, and watch the sun rise. All in all a quite night. You eat breakfast with the family, and Jess has offered to take you into town with her.
I'll go with copper.
You do your ease mineral collection trick, and produce a selection of copper nuggets of small stature for easy trading.
You get in the truck and start the drive to the city: dracopolis
Phone is kill
do we still look like the picture you posted or are we different? do we have a gem in the middle of our chest? can we condense our self down so we are smaller but hit just as hard and are more durable?
IM BACK. finally. sorry for all the delays, but im back home in my comfy chair with my godamned writing boots on.
the area whos main interesting feature i cant capture well in a literary medium! fuck!
as the truck winds towards the city limits, something seems odd. youve never seen cartoons, but youre fairly certain that reality isnt supposed to look like this.
the fabric of space wobbles a bit, and you can see that everything looks a bit strange. (authors note: for expediency, just assume the world has shifted onto the artstyle of PASWGB. its easier that way.)
jess doesent seem phased in the slightest. eventually, the truck drives around back of a distillery.
jess talks with a man about the cactus' in the back of the truck with you, and he begins to unload them.
"hey miss jess, theres a big stone man back here. should i unload him too?"
"nah, hes with me."
you tip your hat to the man and dismount the truckbed.
you are in the back alley behind probably the most important building in the city; the wyvern club
jess says she has some business in the city, and to meet her back here in a couple of hours.
your metal hat is quite a nice one. it is the tallest one currently in your sight.
you enter the club. wild swing music plays, and alcohol flows like water. the place is very busy.
you approach the barman and ask him if he knows where to get any salt. he stares at you for a bit, then begins mixing a drink. he eventually produces a martini, and rims the glass with far more salt then is usual.
its like a hammer to the head. you've never had alcohol before. everything's swimming.
across the room you see a beautiful woman. she appears to be holding a lamp.
you smoothly navigate the crowd, sidling up to her with manly confidence.
(you drunkenly stumble through the ballroom, at one point bumping into a laden waiter)
"hey there. im cliff. dont really like to talk about it that much, but i think i might be an immortal..."
("hey ther bebby. m' cliff.")
She's beautiful, man.
(She's a stone statue, stuck to the wall.)
"That must be pretty heavy. Want me to hold it for a bit?"
You'd swear you hear a yes.
"Alrighty. I'll just..."
*sound of statuary being broken*
"Oops, hold on"
You've pulled the statues arms off In a moment of drunker strength.
Maybe. But that's not what you've done!
Your drunken blunder has unearthed a new power! Stoneform! You can now take on the appearance or properties of other rocks and stones.
At least your pretty.
To do what
You're on the balcony overlooking the ballroom. There are several metal chairs here. You pick one up and twist it around your hand. Good work.
You can here raucous laughter from one if the booths on the balcony.
Ooh, my brain was reading it wrong. I read something about cranes.
You wander along the balcony to the booth. It's a very large, fancy looking booth.
In it are a variety of important looking people. Likely civic leaders or mobsters.
The man in the middle of it all is youthful, in a vest and bowler hat. He is also in possession of a set of very sharp teeth.
Well shit, very well apparently.
"Is it supposed to be this easy?"
The tables air has an edge.
Except the man in the bowler hat. While his compatriots have grown a little hostile, he's still jovial.
"What's your name, rocky?"
"Cliff... Cliff... I like it. You have a job, cliff?"
"well... my names don. donny draco. i think were gonna be goood friends."
END OF THREAD
wooooeeee! that was a wild ride!
thanks to everyone who input a command! i couldent have done it without you.
what will happen next time? is donny a good guy? is a dick? will jess ever make love with betsy? find out next time!
next thread will be this saturday!
anyone know how to archive?