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/facepalm moments
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So we just started a new campaign and there's already some conflict (which is fine by me, I hate when six strangers get together and are suddenly best friends). Basically the party's cleric and the party's ranger are in a bit of a tiff, and the cleric won't drop it. The ranger player seems not to care (the ranger character is annoyed but won't keep stirring the pot), a few of the players and the DM are getting irritated by it.

Basically it boils down thusly:

The characters met up for the first time in a tavern (classic start up) and got to know one another a little. The ranger left to take care of ranger business (as rangers are wont to do) and everyone else continued getting along.

Ranger rides east to the village of Drellin's Ferry and meets with his bossman, a Druid named Avarthel. While conversing with the Druid, the ranger learns that a great host of hobgoblins is marching into the region. The ranger proceeds to have a trippy vision about Tiamat entering the mortal realm and destroying 80% of humanity and enslaving the other 20%.

The ranger, understandably spooked, returns to the tavern to speak with its owner, who is a bit of a local legend, retired adventurer, and possible brass dragon in disguise. During this exchange, the cleric apparently mentioned something about everyone sharing anything they know about this horde and the ranger kept his vision secret. (This is the crux of the issue)

So the party travels east to Drellin's Ferry together and defeats a hobgoblin ambush on their way. The ranger leads (well, more like he doesn't stop the party from going) to Avarthel, who then shares the vision with the entire party.

Now the cleric doesn't trust the ranger for "keeping secrets" and the two characters more or less won't talk to one another. The ranger player is fine with it, the cleric player is starting to whine to the DM, and at least another player is getting annoyed by it. The DM, to his credit, is keeping everyone in line and is even trying to use RP to bring cleric player around.

But ultimately, what do?

Also share facepalm worthy moments in campaigns.
Turn to the cleric and ask him a dumb question.

"Hey Mr. Heals man, want to hear about this dream I had last night? You weren't in it or anything."

Then tell him about a suitably dream-logic non-story about how there was a Circuis made of meat and the acrobat would die in water, but he had to take his father's mind to grow huge.

And he'll probably check out half way through.

Ask him if he cared about your dreams.

If his answer is "no", then ask him why he cared about the ranger's dream so damn much.
>Circuis made of meat and the acrobat would die in water, but he had to take his father's mind to grow huge.
Psychonauts was a great game
God damn it. The misarchivist is even using this thread for his shit.
Two sessions into a homebrew D20 Walking Dead game, a player sees some zombie hobos and asks "are they ancient zombies?"
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Hey, when did Snufkin up and die on me?
It sounds like your Cleric player is a little bitch.

Then again, you're probably the Ranger player and have probably done something terrible that you refuse to tell us about, so fuck you OP. Fuck you for being such an insufferable little faggot.
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This one is a facepalm moment that became a running joke faster than expected and still reappear in our games after 4 years with this group

>First game in Heroes Unlimited for us
>All pretty used to TTRPG except one
>He decided to go with a robot and rolled so much money to build it he didn't know what to take
>He didn't know how half his abilities worked
>Btw the setting is mutants, psionics, robotics, etc... IN SPACE!!!
>We end our first mission and dock to the spatioport
>The guy who gave us the mission is waiting for us on the ground
>Before setting foot outside the ship, the robot yells:
>"I use thermal detection!"
>"I want to see if there's any bomb around here"
>For the next 5 mins everyone was laughing
>The DM calms down and explain him there's no reason a bomb would be there
>Even if there was one, it wouldn't be dectable with a thermal detection
>We eventually turn him into a nuclear bomb to kill the BBEG because he wanted to reroll
>Now 4 year later
>Time to time when he ask to roll for a detection or perception skill the DM answer with this
>"Maybe you should try a thermal detection"
>It pisses him off so much it's still funny after all this time
The players are supercops in a neotokyo Japan. They troubleshoot national threats, and have been mired in all sorts of affairs around the world.

One player has personal enemies; he's a hacker, and when the government caught him during chargen, he was press ganged into service for the team. The enemy; his former hacker group, believing him to have defected voluntarily, and they're out to destroy the hack.

His enemies have run roughshod on the party several times. Hacking their scramjet so that it takes near-destructive evasive maneuvers mid flight. Reversing their IFFs in an active war zone. Opening up various prices on party members heads. Lots of frustrating shenanigans.

The party are quite sick of this shit. The player in question has prepared to buy off the enemy, and in game has made overtures to appease them. He sets up a meeting and gets one last betrayal from them, with añ assassination attempt. The party is pissed, and want this to end. And the party merchandise gets ccd on an email

500,000¥ for the hackers head, intact, dead or alive

The party batch prepare a clone from their handlers, and assure them they will be done with the hackers after tonight
So, they drop word they're coming by with the body. The merchant and samurai drive out for bear in battlesuits, with the clone corpse in tow.

(As an aside, one of the party is a triple agent working for the yakuza, who used him to infiltrate section 6/internal affairs, who sent him to the party. Once he heard of the drop, he notified everyone)

They head to the drop, all well.
They scope the building, one person obviously under a thermoptic camouflage tarp. They leave him be. Swap the body for payment, and pull out.
Payment is apparently in liquidate blend assets: a hockey bag of cocaine.

Nonplussed, the merchant waves at the observer (who then runs off to notify his handlers, sec 6).

The two pcs are barely in the street before a legion of cop cars scream around the corner in pursuit.

The merchant immediately says

Everyone at the table stops. Looks at the player. And we all die laughing for about twenty minutes.
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