You are a God of Dice. Each of you, I mean. All of you represent a number of the holy 1d20. Roll 1d20 and, in the same post, determine what fate awaits all the others to roll that number. If you roll a free number, congratulations, you are the Primary God of that Number. If you roll a taken number, refer to EVERY post that's rolled that number before to determine your fate. Even if it's terrible, at least you know your own contribution to the number may help/screw over the next would-be god. Also, if you somehow survive your fate, you become a Lesser God of that Number.
Rolled 14 (1d20)
A pile of candy of weight equal your own emerges from the ground beneath your feet; if there is no ground, it's poured on top of you. One percent of the candies, round down, is laced with a strong hallucinogenic drug, another one - with a strong sleep-toxin.
Rolled 13 (1d20)
A light doth descend from the vaults of heaven! When your eyes readjust and the Light fades, in it's place is a Chocobo.
I guess it's yours or whatever. Do what you want with her.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
You become an attractive lesbian. Your god, however, grants you proficiency with a weapon of your choice via time-stop intense training. You may please your God of Lesbians by rescuing princesses and body-guarding for them, possibly earning more boons.
Rolled 2 (1d20)
The God of this number demands that you defeat an equal number of people in challenges within an equal number of months. If you lose in any one of the challenges, you are enslaves in the God of this number's infernal palace for an equal number of years.
Rolled 4 (1d20)
All hinge and saddle joints in your body reverse their direction, while each ellipsoidal joint is replaced with a ball-and-socket joint, and vice versa. Pivot joints remain unchanged.
Rolled 12 (1d20)
You will no longer be interested in tabletop games, or other "nerdy" things. Your will to live, desire to go outside, and ability to talk to others will become above-average. You will gain the motivation to actually do something with your life. And finally, all your sexual interests will become completely vanilla and hetero relative to your birth gender.
Enjoy this bittersweet gift.
Rolled 7 (1d20)
You and your arch nemesis each gain your opponent's favourite superpower. The only way you'll be able to get the power you want is by swapping with your arch-nemesis - and this process will only work if you're in the vicinity of each other (about a city block) for roughly 24 hours.
Rolled 3 (1d20)
If your post number is odd, you are suddenly wearing extremely fancy and well tailored formal evening wear.
If your post is even, you instead have thick plate armor over your current clothing.