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You are currently reading a thread in /tg/ - Traditional Games

Thread replies: 80
Thread images: 15
File: scotlandliberation.jpg (51 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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We have WOKEN up in a strange, YET comforting bathroom. As OUR vision ceases IT'S blurring, we realize our PANTS are coiled around our ANKLES and our left hand is filled with PERHAPS A THIRD of A liter of CHEAP SCOTCH.

Why did we pass out DRINKING this foul EUROPEAN concoction? Do we MOURN for SCOTLAND'S misdirected ATTEMPT to earn FREEDOM? Or is this ALL part of some conspiracy?
>>
>>35094240
Jerk off
>>
>>35094355

Erection STATUS: INHIBITED.

There is STILL TOO MUCH scotch in OUR body to SUCCESSFULLY MASTURBATE.
>>
>>35094384
Finger our asshole then
>>
>>35094240
But what is right hand?
>>
>>35094384
Check 4chan
>>
>>35094396
Second
>>
>>35094384
Shave our hairy-ass legs.
>>
File: mentalmanipulator.jpg (61 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35094402

Our right hand seems to BE occupied by a STRANGE DEVICE that will ALLOW us to MANIPULATE our ENVIRONMENT using only our MIND and AMMUNITION.

>>35094396

WE probably JUST POOPED, fingering is NOT ADVISED at THIS TIME.

>>35094432

This was ALREADY SUGGESTED BY >>35094396
>>
>>35094240
Pull up pants.
Inspect toilet.
Inspect bath.
>>
>>35094488
Wait a sec...examine the device. Is there an empty shell, recently fired?
>>
>>35094488
Acquire AMMUNITION.
>>
>>35094488
Find the manipulator's CALIBUR OF THOUGHT.
>>
>>35094488

Masturbate furiously realising that we are either a worthless hack or Wasteland Warrior, then piss in our mouth.
>>
>>35094521

We still HAVE a FULL LOAD of MIND ERASERS loaded in our MIND CRUSH ENABLER.

>>35094504

Our PANTS and DIGNITY have been RESTORED to OPERATIONAL STATUS.

Bath contains CHEAP SHAMPOO and SUAVE CONDITIONER.

What we SEE in the TOILET will REPLACE THE WHITE WHALE in our nightmares. Flushing is AUTOMATICALLY INITIATED because our TOILET is EXPENSIVE and FROM JAPAN.
>>
>>35094585
Welp, we obviously wanted to get drunk and off ourselves. Drink some scotch and pull the trigger, but do it on the toilet with our pants down, because the last thing anyone does before they die is shit themselves.
>>
>>35094585

Fill the MIND CRUSH ENABLER with SUAVE CONDITIONER to ensure maximum efficiency.
>>
We already shit though
>>
File: manipulators.jpg (50 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35094547

Realizing the DIFFICULT TASKS ahead will REQUIRE us to MANIPULATE THE physical world with nothing MORE then our thoughts, we stumble to ANOTHER ROOM. Whereupon we see a SMALL PILE of MENTAL MANIPULATION DEVICES. We must decide if we wish to MANIPULATE THE WORLD in a SEMI AUTOMATIC, DOUBLE action or pump action FASHION.

Current Status: NOT DRUNK ENOUGH
Clothes: WE AREN'T DRESSED FANCY
Objective: ADVENTURE?
>>
>>35094653

Double-double action.
Four actions, two per hand.
>>
>>35094640

BRAZILIAN MIND CRUSH ENABLER STATUS : oily AND smells nice.
>>
>>35094653
Finish off that bottle, grab the DOUBLE
>>
>>35094653
Find more ALCOHOL
>>
>>35094673

We have FILLED OUR hands like a SON OF A BITCH.

Now sufficiently AMERICAN, we are ready to ACTUALIZE our DESIRES and COMPLETE our objectives.
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>>35094705
Grab two bottles of alcohol with your other two hands
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>>35094700
>>35094687

Scotch got us INTO THIS MESS, and DAMNIT if it WON'T get us OUT of it.

The bottle is now EMPTY, elevating status to TIPSY, but out Confidence to SUPREME.
>>
>>35094705

A real american knows to dress properly. Find some sufficient LIBERTY DUDS, or die trying.
>>
>>35094721

Alcohol supplies in our DOMICILE have been DEPLETED by our TWO FISTED cheap scotch drinking style. We will need to LEAVE PREMISES for more alcohol.
>>
File: boots.jpg (34 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35094734

We have discovered COWBOY BOOTS, there are two sets, one fancy, one utilitarian. Do we OWN more then one set of BOOTS? A concept which makes one WONDER if they have been consumed by CAPITALISTIC GREED by owning MORE BOOTS THEN ONE TYPICALLY REQUIRES?

REGARDLESS OF OUR CHOICE, we can now LEAVE THE HOUSE without the ASPHALT burning our feet, because it still GETS over 100 DEGREES out here in the ASS END of ASSLAND.
>>
>>35094752
Search for local currency
Acquire concealable mind eraser.
Conceal mind eraser.
Destination : Liquor store
>>
>>35094797
Consider ADVANTAGES of each type of BOOT. Maybe BOTH BOOTS should be worn,
>>
File: keygoblin.jpg (32 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35094802

The NEAREST store WHICH has ALCOHOL is not far, but TOO FAR for us to walk. We will NEED to AWAKEN THE MACHINE SPIRITS of our SHITTY CAR.

As we STUMBLE around, we discover that a GOBLIN MERCHANT has our KEYS, and cunningly attempts to LURE US into a game of riddles, wagering some of our MIND CRUSH FREEDOM ENABLERS against THE KEYS WE SUPPOSEDLY ALREADY OWNED. This is DANGEROUS territory, as he is no doubt well versed in RIDDLE.

There appears to be close to 40 AMERICAN DOLLARS in our WALLET.
>>
>>35094886
One of each!
>>
>>35094886

The BLACK BOOTS have been POLISHED recently, the BROWN BOOTS are more WORN IN.
>>
>>35094889
don BOOTS
use STRANGE DEVICE on GOBLIN MERCHANT
awaken MACHINE SPIRIT
use 40 DOLLARS at NEAREST
>>
>>35094889
Take the bastard on, lest he taste FREEDOM first hand.
>>
>>35094889
Heaor out his riddle
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>>35094914
>>35094895
YES. ONE OF EACH. STYLISH and BUSINESS IN THE FRONT at the same time.
>>
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>>35094941

You TELL the GOBLIN that he may be ABLE to OUTSMART YOU, but NO ONE can OUTSMART 125 GRAINS of DEMOCRACY.

Ears: Ringing

We have ACQUIRED keys

>>35094930

We get in our SHITTY CAR and DRIVE to the nearest DISPENSER of ALCOHOL, which is our ONLY FRIEND.
>>
>>35094895
>>35094964

We now look like a HONKY TONK HOBO.

Grizzled status: DIMINISHED outside of COUNTRY MUSIC scenarios.
>>
>>35094997
greet ONLY FRIEND
>>
>>35094997
Leave our MIND CRUSH FREEDOM ENABLERS in the SHITTY CAR.
Trade our 40 AMERICAN DOLLARS for COOKED ANIMAL CORPSES and ALCOHOL
>>
>>35094997
"GIVE us SCOTCH/ALCOHOL/FREEDOM."

9230
>>
>>35094997
Smirk at victory, acquire friendship.
>>
>>35095068
THOUGHTS coming out MOUTH. What makes this HAPPEN?

905
>>
File: enemy.jpg (76 KB, 756x701) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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As we ACTUALIZE our mobility ENHANCERS which are OF TWO DIFFERENT COLORS we catch sight of our OLD nemesis, the NEVADA department of COUNTER TERRORISM, who think it ODD that we attempt to purchase PALLETS of COMMUNIST MADE munitions and attempt to QUESTION/IMPLICATE US.

Look at HIM, sitting there, JUDGING US and reminding us of DR TJ ECKLEBERG.
>>
>>35095150
Greet the good doctor with a dose of cold shoulder, enter only friend.
>>
>>35095150
Keep both eyes on the bastard. We don't know WHAT he might be planning
Also, stumble drunkenly to our friend
>>
>>35095150
242152415145
REMEMBER to DEAL with DR TJ later.
>>
>>35095150
greet
ONLY FRIEND
>>
File: cheapbeer.jpg (78 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35095221
>>35095186

We avoid PLAYING HIS GAME and stumble inside, making our way towards THE COOLER. Inside we see OUR FRIENDS, who DON't JUDGE US unlike those FASCISTS at RED LOBSTER.
>>
>>35095249
Acquire MEXICAN alcohol.

Get three bottles so you can become the SPIRIT OF THE VAQUERO
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>>35095249
Fill hands with friends, fill mouth with sustenance. Give six american dollars to friendsitter.
>>
>>35095249
you didn't greet only friend
he disowns you
>>
File: clerk.png (85 KB, 186x217) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35095286
>>35095292

We are now full of MEXICAN BEER. Unfortunately, as we IMBIBED on the WAY to the REGISTER, the CLERK has TRANsFORMED into a swirling mass of ACCUSATIVE GIBBERISH which emerges from his mouth UNIT. Is he TRYING to make US exchange currency to LIBERATE our ONLY FRIENDS? Is he DARING to enforce his arbitrary rule about DRINKING inside of the store? Or is he PART of the HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA, using his HONEYED WORDS and CHEAP ROLLER TACOS to lure us down a path of sin AND debauchery?
>>
>>35095358

HE'S PART OF THE CONSPIRACY

USE THE STRANGE DEVICE ON HIM
>>
>>35095358
Attempt to reason. Offer patriotic song in exchange for goods, that'll get us out of trouble if he's a true american, otherwise we'll know he's a spy.
>>
>>35095358

That clerk is the only route to LIBERATING FRIENDS from their FROSTY CATACOMBS. Succumb to his platitudes, lest he return your allies to the GULAG.
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>>35095358
He clearly doesn't know how IMPOrTANT we are. OPEN WALLET and display IDENTIFICATION officer.
>>
>>35095358
Liberate his mind.
>>
>>35095424
>>35095416

We flash our IDENTIFICATION at the DRINK OFFICER, what comes out of his word hole sounds a LOT like him saying that it will be $5 for our BEER.

>>35095393
>>35095425

Our SONG implies that we PAY THE LEAD PRICE for our alcohol, and he QUICKLY is HUMBLED SUFFICIENTLY. Our FRIENDS have been LIBERATED.

No doubt the GOONS of DR TJ ECKLEBERG EYE will be on us SOON, as mere mortals consider BRANDISHING the same as assault WITH a deadly weapon and PERHAPS even armed robbery, though WE will contend it was ARMED, MUSICAL liberation.

WAlking out of the store, we have ACHIEVED our FIRST objectives, but now we have ANCILLARY needs that we must attend to. With our INHIBITION level elevated and our THIRST level neutralized, we could WALK or DRIVE to our next QUEST.
>>
>>35095411
Initiate mouth unit. Extol VIRTUE of " 15145 1040 4620 092414 05 2421 1749 9230 905!"
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>>35095496
BOOTS lead us here. FOLLOW our own example. BOTH WALK and DRIVE.
>>
>>35095496
Walk in shadow, the abandoned chariot will throw them off your trail.
>>
>>35095496
MOBILITY ENHANCERS: ACTUALIZE
>>
File: conspiracy.jpg (95 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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Our FOOT UNITS are MOTIVATING us in a WESTERDLY direction.

As we RAMBLE, we come across a strange sign... just why does this CLARK individual want us to stay out of his storm drain system?
>>
>>35095628
Maybe the TIBERTICO knows. Investigate?
>>
>>35095697

Rearranging THE letters of TIBERTICO we get TIT RICO, which sounds like a LEWD version of PUERTO RICO which is where RUM often COMES from.

We ENTER the tunnels, inside is damp and filled WITH filth. There is MOVEMENT ahead!
>>
File: Stalker,Tunnel.jpg (30 KB, 640x480) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35095730

PICTURES were FORGOTTEN!
>>
File: the numbers.png (117 KB, 410x310) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35095628
Closer ANALYSIS shows REASONS.
>>
>>35095730
Ready your manipulator.
>>
>>35095763

WHAT do THEY MEAN?

>>35095766

We have our MANIPULATOR at the ready, though OUR ONLY FRIEND has DULLED our SENSES. What stands BEFORE us could be a CHUD or a RELATIVELY harmless hobo.
>>
>>35095845
Err on the side of caution; engage a warning round.
>>
File: chud-chud.gif (39 KB, 375x250) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35095895

Ears status: DEAF FOR A WHILE

The CHUD lunges at US!
>>
File: further analysis.png (95 KB, 400x270) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35095845
MORE THOUGH: it is a MAP.
WE must begin to understand MAP or more ALCOHOL.
>>
>>35095949
Dispense DEMOCRACY.
>>
>>35095949
Grapple indiscriminately!
>>
>>35095972

We are able to LIBERATE the HEARTS and LUNGS of the CHUD, though it manages to WOUND US.

>>35095956

Map reading is not a SKILL we possess... however, there is an AIR FORCE base NEARBYE, they tend to enjoy MAPS and THINGS.
>>
>>35096011
Commit the map to memory and find your way out of this hellhole, soldier.
>>
File: Nellis.jpg (58 KB, 1139x854) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>35096051

We are able to STUMBLE out of the SEWERS.

Though it APPEARS we are IN our VEHICLE, we are CLEARLY pointing at a SIGN that reads NELLIS, perhaps this is THE WAY to NELLIS AFB, where we can acquire MAP reading material.
Thread replies: 80
Thread images: 15
Thread DB ID: 14475



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