I called once when everything went to shit and I was alone with a bottle of CC and a bottle of sleeping pills. I was in tears for the whole day, and then suddenly it stopped and I had an epiphany: "I'm going to kill myself".
Before I did anything I realized that I was probably having a breakdown, and called. The girls I spoke with were calming and nice and listened to what I had to say and then offered logical ways to fix the problems. One chick said the wrong thing though which sent me off the deep end, and I drank down both bottles.
My dad dropped by unannounced to check up on me, apparently, and found me unconscious and barely breathing, cold as ice. Called me an ambulance and here I am.
I spent 3 days on life support in the ICU, 7 days in the acute mental health unit and then another 3 months of out patient treatment twice a week.
The suicide hotline people mean well, but they aren't going to make everything better for you. That has to come from you, and is probably the hardest part of getting out of that hole, anon.
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