After my last relationship ended 5+ years ago, I made a conscious effort not to go out of my way to meet anyone. Initially, it was because I was not over my ex, at this point it's just easier and more comfortable to be alone.
>>23270972 Because uni hasn't started yet and I haven't had the chance to think about how to make friends, then plan out an opportunity to approach someone, only to freeze and bitch out and be lonely for the remainder of the semester.
>>23270972 Honestly, I prefer it, it would be nice to have someone who cared about me like that, but I don't need it and I hate being the center of drama, I'd much rather watch everyone else's life go up and down while I'm the same as ever
>>23270981 You know, that's what people say, but I've never been much of a social person to begin with. I spent most of my teenage years alone and I was actually really happy. It was when I started involving myself with people because I was told it was unhealthy not to, that I started being more annoyed and frustrated.
So, there's two sides to the coin. I am alone, but I don't really feel lonely.
Someone I've been dating long-distance since mid-August has stopped talking to me for about four days. We messaged each other every day without fail, so I feel as though I might have fucked up, but I really don't know because the situation is a little messed up itself. I just wish he would give me a response, rather than torturing me with the silence, and the prospect of everything ending and never knowing what I did wrong (if anything).
>>23271009 Well, we lived together for 3 years, moved in with each other after a year she stayed with me for a year after we broke up, long story short we just had a lot of issues. A lot of it had to do with too much differing of our interests. I'm a programmer and play a lot of video games, and she was more the 'artsy' free-spirited type, which there's nothing wrong with. A lot of really fucked up things happened in both our lives, that sort of just sent both of us into this emotional 'shock', I guess. So we started communicating less and less, and started fighting more and more. About things that didn't even really matter, you know?
Basically, we just weren't right for each other. In the midst of being young and not knowing how to properly communicate that, we tried to force something that wasn't there. I had my faults in the relationship as did she. I don't think she's a bad person, I don't have any ill feelings toward her or anything, but that came with just maturing as I got older. It was harder when we still lived together, because she broke up with me. I wasn't even really mad that we broke up, it was just confusing for me, really. We still get along fine to this day, but we don't really talk much. She was also the only girl I've ever dated that was younger than me, which doesn't really have much to do with anything, but it always kind of stuck out in my mind, it could have played a factor.
All in all, what it boiled down to was miscommunication, dysfunction, and stubbornness from both of us.
I get nervous on dates and sperg a little bit - JUST ENOUGH to make them want to be friends, but not romantic/sexual partners. And I've got a little too much pride to send messages on tinder that I know will work but make me feel like a tool. So, to spare y'all my life story, that's why I'm lonely.
Ah, this is what I'm anxious about. It's a lack of communication that's the number one cause for the downfall in relationships. I think even if you differ a lot, there's still potential for things to work if you like each other another and help one another go about accomplishing their ambitions, but to have shared ambitions too. I guess it's also good to explore new interests and hobbies so you can develop one together. However, I realise what I'm writing now is all pretty useless given that it's retrospective in looking back at it.
Have you dated anyone at all since? I know you said it was your last relationship, but what about dates?
Do you use social media to keep in touch with them? Texts? You ought to make an effort because if you take them for granted, by the time they graduate, it'll be too late when you all go your separate ways.
>>23271030 Well, hindsight is 20/20. I mean, yeah, there's always potential for people to make something work despite having a lot of differences, but as I've gotten older (I'm 25 now), I've just wanted more to find someone that has at least a base of similar interests. I'm not saying I want someone to be exactly like me, I'd probably dislike them a lot haha. But, just a base, you know maybe have some interest in computers, or gaming, or skateboarding, or just anything that I like. And of course, I don't want it to sound one sided, that I like the things that they like to. Just mutual things, but also being different enough that it keeps things interesting. Also in this case with this girl, I'm bipolar and she definitely had a hard time dealing with that, but she really did try, and I still feel bad that she experienced a lot of it.
While lack of communication is a huge downfall, if you don't communicate that you're having a lack of it, then you're just continuing the cycle. I mean, obviously there's not much you can do if the other person isn't willing to communicate, but then it's a question of, 'is it worth staying with someone that's not going to communicate with me', because for me? The answer is no. I've had enough of that in my life. I've been in a few relationships, not like a ton, but about 8 or 9. All lasting more than a year. Anyway, my point with saying that is each of the girls I've been with did not share interests, but they were interesting because they were so different from me. It's just inevitably going to fail because at the end of the day if it's based mostly on physical or just that you find them interesting initially (when you're young) it's going to fail.
No, I have not been on any dates. Never really been my thing.
Don't feel like your bipolar is holding you back and don't let it be an excuse/justification for things that you do. Try to think of yourself as operating normally as everyone else, and to function as best you can. All you need to do is put your utmost effort into things you're passionate about, and be level-headed, and things should work out in your favour.
Yeah, I do realise that it's easy to say that people need to communicate more, but it's always far more complex than that. And 8 or 9 relationships lasting more than a year is quite impressive.
Not your thing to date? But how did you meet the 8 or 9 that you ended up in relationships with?
>>23271051 Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply that about being bipolar, I just know that she dealt with a lot of the emotional mood swings I had. Either way, that's not what we're talking about. I'm not worried about things not working in my favor, really, I'm going to be fine whether I am in a relationship in the future or not. I have a lot of skills that will help keep me financially stable, etc. These things I deal with don't hold me back, but I have my days just like every one else.
It's really not, but it does feel like it is. I've watched my parents through 48 years of marriage (well, the 20 I've lived with them) and they communicate fine, that's the only reason they've made it work so long. It's probably been hard, but putting in a conscious effort to communicate with a partner is key. But, everyone is entitled to view it the way that they do.
School, mostly, a couple from church when I still did that.
Oh, I wasn't taking offence or anything - I don't have bipolar myself, I'm just sharing my opinion that you shouldn't let it hold you back, if indeed you let it.
I think the problem nowadays is different to what it used to be. As your parents demonstrate, communication works fine. Nowadays, a lot of it can be done electronically and when it's done so easily, I think it loses it value. It's only the content of a message on Facebook, for example, that distinguishes it from a message to a friend, relative or stranger, and even then there's potential for misunderstanding given its 2D format. And when there's potential for misunderstanding, that's where problems arise, as I've unfortunately discovered myself. I realise now that I ought to make more of an effort to video chat someone than become too comfortable with simply messages.
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the post's information.