Hey /soc/ I'm asking got some advice, maybe some stories.
I've been with the same girl for 2 years now, she's been the only gf I've had and I'm 20. We took each others virginity and moved into a place together. I'm getting kind of bored and want to try and meet new people, is it wise to ask for an open relationship? Do they work? I sI'll care for her and know she would absolutely be heartbroken if we broke up. What do?
all holes feel roughly the same
yes bodies are marginally different and people behave marginally differently having sex as well
but it's not worth risking in my opinion
if you still love her and she still loves you it's not worth it, don't even bring it up
>Open relationships don't work, at least not for males
>It's best to make a clean break
>Considering the face that you've moved in together this will be much more difficult
>Buy some boxes, pack up a lot of your shit while she's not home, tell her when she comes home that you "Need some time away from her to fix something in your life"
>Helps let her down easy-ish and you don't tell her that you're not interested in her anymore.
Talk about it if you want, it never hurts.
But you better be sure that it's what you want and if she does not feel the same then ask yourself if what changes you guys can make to make it work.
Ps open relationshops means that she will find people too.
Btw you can always try to take a break and feel how singel life is and if you have changes your mind after 2 month or something like that.
Same guy again, for all that says that open relationships dont work: we are all different, everyone do not have the same mindset.
And even if it should fail then you have tested and you will know by your own experience.
>Feel sorry for your gf tho, she deserves better.
Dude... relax? let him talk to her about the option and see what happens, it's not like he needs to make it an ultimate choice, they should be able to talk about it even if they choice to not to go with it.
When I was around your age, I dated this girl for 3 years, and we lived together for 3 years (little while after we broke up since neither of us could afford a place on our own).
I never went through that sort of phase, but my ex did. And she brought it to me, and honestly in the end it sort of what did our relationship in. You risk making her feel like she's not enough for you, and I just don't really see that being a positive situation for you. It could have nothing to do with that, but really if you want to stay with her just ride it out. If you don't, then it's unfair to keep stringing her along.
Just my two cents.
Usually they're open from the get go. If they've been monogamous for the first 2 years it's likely she isn't looking for anything else. The day he mentions this, is the beginning of the end for them.
Thanks guys. To be noted I own the place we're currently in, and she can't really move in with her parents again. Im not going to kick her out, but this has been on my mind fo awhile. I know she's in love with me, and mention of a type of separation she gets real emotional, I'm not complaining. I'm glad we care for each other, just not in the same way I guess. There are those moments when I'm happy with her, then other where I'm just terribly terribly annoyed. Maybe we need space? Confused about it all. It is my first and only relationship.
Yea maybe but the problem is that he's feeling like there is something he needs to try out to make it work to start with, it really sounds like he's saying that this what he needs to try out to make the relationship to work.
So if she wants this relationship to work then she should at least listen to him and think about it.
But Hey OP this is only if you want to stay with her, if you're staying with her just because you want to nice with to her then DONT.
You can always break out in a nice way ( or at least try )
Okay, so given your ignorance in relationships I can see why it's confusing to you. This is just what happens, in every relationship. When you don't live with them, it's much easier because you're not seeing each other ALL the time.
Whether with this girl or another, you'll find yourself being extremely annoyed to the point where you just want to get as far away as possible. That's not a bad thing, it's natural. You have to decide whether the good times/feelings/whatever outweigh these annoyances.
In life you're going to hurt people and they're going to hurt you, but like I said before, it's not really fair for you to string her along if you're truly not feeling it anymore. I understand it's a difficult situation to be in, but this is obviously something you'll need to think about.
Just saying this once, have been with my girl for like 8 years now and she's kinda my first ( well that I at least tried to keep for real ) and we had our up and downs, we have talk about open relationships and have tried it, I was against it first but later I let it go... anyways to the point: we tried, it did't work so great and shit is good now, all I want to say is that you have to be sure that you're just not in a dark and boring phase when you do this decisions.
Yeah I remember when I just got bored of that old toy I had. It was pretty nice for a while then I just decided I was bored. Women work the same way too, right? You get bored and wanna go find more? Isn't hookup culture really really bad for people's psyche?
No problem, I know that it's hard because by the sounds of it you have no interest in hurting this girl, and I'm sure that regardless you care about her as a person. I've been there, and I waited way too long to call it quits because of it. So, it's something you'll need to really think about, not just think for a few minutes. I'm sure you'll make the decision that works best for you, though. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just speaking from personal experience.
Yea I do agree with you and I think this is his problem but if feel so weird just to say it up to his face, was our problem too.
But hey it never hurts to talk, think that is main point I'm trying to say,
If you've been having thoughts of fucking other girls and you havent told her yet, then you need to work on your relationship. Basically, your communication sucks. You should both be comfortable sharing any thought or feeling at some point.
Ive had vanilla gfs that I enjoyed teasing about fucking their friends. If you're a sexual guy, she has to know that. It might open up a new fantasy. Basically just straight up talk about sex sometime and share fantasies with her.
I agree with this anon
I wouldn't bring up open relationship unless you are willing to lose the relationship you have. I would on the other hand bring up how you feel about the current relationship you have. Ask her how she is feeling and tell her that maybe you could work together to keep what you have.
You might currently be her only support which can be unhealthy for a relationship. What is it that annoys you? What is she doing with her life outside of the relationship? Maybe she should work on school or a job to feel more independent.
This is coming from a girl who has been dating a guy since high school for 8 years. We also took each other's virginity and we've been living together officially for 4ish years but we slept at each other's places so often it's more like 6. Anyway, talking has always been the thing that kept us together. If we fought we always spoke and tried to resolve it that day after a bit of cooling off. There was a point when I felt like he was bored and it scared me. I was told guys could get like that, feel like they haven't explored enough and be scared about settling down. We did have a conversation one day and we ended up opening our sexlife, but together. Told him about fantasies and he told me his and we worked together to please each other. It took time but it was worth waiting.
I suppose I'm trying to say the best thing you can do is talk. Ask her how she feels about where you guys are and tell her, that is if you feel this way, that you love her and want to make this work and then discuss what could be done to make both of you happy. I'm not sure what she is like or how she might feel but based on experience, this kind of talk might be scary and if you care about her and you don't want to lose her, reassure her.
Maybe you`re not bored, maybe you`re boring?
Do you know what kinks your gf is into? Did you try it all? Does she know what you`d like to try in bed? Did you try it? Have you ever had an honest conversation about your feelings, insecurities, fears and kinks? Given your age I guess not.
You mention that she annoys you. In what kind of situations? With what? Have you tried talking to her about it? Or maybe you get annoyed yourself because she doesn`t act like you`d expect? Either way think about it and talk to her.
Why did you move in together in the first place? If only for easy access to pussy, it`s a dick move, not to mention stupid. The dynamics has changed. You`re in relationship. You`ve moved in together. You`re no longer a fucking tourist. You`ve settled, for better and worse. It`s your duty to keep it working.
If I was in your situation, the first thing I`d do would be to make my your feel secure, get to know her, make her confident enough to express her needs and insecurities openly, and do the same for her. If both of you aren`t those rare fucking boring ultravanilla people, you can have enough options for fun for a lifetime.
Open relationship? Dude, you sound like one of those people who bought a fucking camera a month ago and want a new one already, because the old one makes crappy pictures, but you never even looked at the fucking manual, not to mention take some photoshooting classes.
Looks like you have a nice, mature and fun relationship, femanon. I know many couples in their 30s and 40s and like 95% of them never reached that point of comfort and security you seem to enjoy. All the best!
As someone who has recently cheated on his partner (I've been with her for 11 years. We were eachothers first "real" love, we only had sex with each other, same jazz as you..) I say, if you really love her then don't do it.
I feel nothing but regret, yeah. The sex with with this other girl was awesome, a whole different experience (my partner is a bit chubby, this girl was so skinny I was afraid to break her) She let me do all kinds of different stuff I never thought in my life I'd be able to do.. And at the time it felt like I was a sex god because I could make her orgasm with every move I made.. Err Ive lost track of what point I was going to make with this, but yeah.. After a week you realize a hole is a hole. Your urges will change, but once you blow your load it's all the same. Just try and talk to her about doing things differently in the bedroom, maybe that will keep you going for a while longer. I understand your desire to explore your sexuality, believe me. But in the end, is it worth risking your life over?
I feel more shit because I know my partner will never do this to me, she is in this for the long run and she'll never cheat (I think I kinda settled for her, and I'm a bit out of her league but whatever) and I broke her trust. But that's a different story I guess, but it will be your future.
Don`t be so harsh on yourself. What happened, happened, take out of it the most you can and don`t let guilt overgrow all the good experiences. Take what you`ve learned and bring it to your own bedroom. In the end, it`s always better to explore anything with someine you can trust.
Given the fact that you never mentioned exactly what bothers you about her, it seems you're just bored of her. And believe me, boredom will never fail to take its toll on a relationship, no matter how awesome it is. I've had 3 long term relationship up until now (2 years+ each), my 2 exes were pretty awesome, but I wasn't mature enough to realize perfect relationships do not exists. You got bored of your girlfriend and you'll get bored of your future girlfriends as well, even if they seem 100 times more fun at the beginning.
If you truly care about her, get a small vacation with your friends, tell her you need some male-only days. Think about it very, very well. Personally I haven't met any girl who would accept opening their relationship, I believe this would be even worse for them than losing their guys altogether.
IMO, 'open' relationships are basically not relationships and only 'I fuck whoever I want to fuck but basically I'll fuck you more often'. Maybe they work, maybe they don't, that's for you decide after you break up with her.
She seems to be relying on you very much so I would not advise you to bring up the 'open relationship' stuff to her, as she'll probably accept her out of desperation and will end up hurting herself much more than necessary.
It's not fair to change the rules of the game after the start.
Just talk to her about how you want something else and let her go. Then you can go on and find a girl that would agree on an 'open relationship'.
Tl;dr: she doesn't deserve this just because you got bored of her, let her go and find someone else.
Come to think of it, open relationships can only work for people who do not have to look for anything outside their relationship. I mean, they fully satisfy their needs, both sexual and emotional, but are willing to not be limited. In any other case it`s bound to be doomed, because it`s not an open relationship, it`s cheating with some bullshit permit slapped on it.
Why not just mention the open relationship concept as a form of chit chat. Use 4chan as the place you read about some woman or some dude who has this kind of relationship and see what her feelings are about the whole concept. This way you have distanced yourself from completely laying out all the cards on the table and you get to gauge the situation and chuck it as just a topic of conversation not a restructuring of your relationship. But if you are feeling like this it might just be time to either find a way to un-vanilla the relationship or let her be. Your 20 's are a time where you should be having relationships and failing and learning for when you are ready to settle down. She might be ready but if you are not then why live a lie. Good luck to both of you and hope that you get some kind of answer when you actually know what you are going to do.