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Forever going to live with this misstake
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Forever going to live with this misstake

I used to have a gaming friend i grew up with, a few years younger than me but it didnt really matter since we liked the same games.

Eventually turned out that he was gay/bi, not really sure if thats how it was from the beginning or if it progressed gradually but anyways...

Since we're such good friend he always been kinda into me, but ever since i found out he liked boys i always pushed him away since i always considered myself to be straight.

Since then all the women i ever met pretty much treated me as shit, and i ended up being pretty much an asshole myself because of that.

Run into my childhood friend just the other week, looking healthy as ever. Boyfriend and all and seem pretty happy about life. Talking for a while and telling him about that life didnt really turn out in my favour, and while career is going good im not doing to well in the dating department , probarbly since im not as good looking as i used to be.

Friend tells me im still beautiful, and to cheer up. He tells me he loves to talk more but that he has to meet up with that boyfriend of his. But that we should keep in touch.

I realized i pretty much pushed away the one person that makes me happy, and now its too late.

I guess i deserve this... but i am regretting every thing now..
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tldr
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Post-traumatic loneliness doesn't mean you made a wrong decision. It means you can't suck up the fact that you're desperate enough to claim that only your gay friend made you happy. Lonely gayboi syndrome: when all other romantic options fail you will shamelessly switch to being bi/gay to find love. Then gradually take bigger steps towards being a total gayboi. Next comes furries and after that 'emote talking' to delude yourself that you're happier than you are. You're desperate and from the sounds of it, it wasn't entirely your fault, but nonetheless you're grasping at a reason you don't have a girlfriend in a vague attempt to tell yourself it wasn't your fault either.

Tl;dr hire a hooker, get laid, stop complaining.
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Sounds like you fucked up op, but it doesn't mean you can't still try and fix things up regarding your friendship with this dude and your life in general
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