>>23186770 I did for 2 years (2012-2014). Her drug addiction made her symptoms much worse. During that time, I became a benzo-abusing alcoholic (as a means to attempt to escape her abuse) and a case of PTSD. (C-PTSD, if you want to get more specific, but less clinical.)
I got sober a few months ago to try to recover from accruing health problems and increasing dependency, but had to quit my job due to pretty brutal withdrawal.
Dated someone with untreated BPD for three years. I'm still recovering.
The only upside was, when I finally put my foot down and broke up, I vowed to never again put up with the shit that I put up with. I've applied it to my friends and family too. I'm bitter and guarded now, but I'm a lot more picky about only letting positive people in my life now.
It isn't my job to fix people. I can't be a savior. And I can't be around broken people without wanting to fix them.
For my next relationship I'd really like to be with someone who is less fucked up than me. Someone who puts as much effort into making someone happy as the effort I put in. Someone who doesn't make excuses for their behavior while taking no excuses for mine.
I worry about my ex bitterly, though. I hope everything is okay. I can't let myself get close again.
>>23187692 i recognize alot in what u write.. i been heartbroken so many times and built myself up to later being called a whore for no fucking reason. I thought i could help him but he never lissen to me. But everything will be ok sometimes i guess
Top lel. I was raised by a manic depressive, bipolar woman who refused to acknowledge it, even though it clearly runs in her family and contrary to her belief did not skip a generation. I couldn't do another five minutes with someone like that. I know I'm far from perfect, but that's a personality type that drives me up the fucking wall
I love her, and she thankfully went through her "I don't need any treatment" black hole phase before I met her, she's really trying to get better. trying meds to see what works, going to therapy, etc. she has her moments but it's never long lived. the only thing that can be an issue is her jealousy/insecurity but she's usually pretty good about it, she's perfectly fine with my best friend being female after all
>>23186770 I dated a girl for 4 years who had BPD. Loved her to death but the mood swings were way too much in the end and we ended up hating each other. Her bad attitude eventually rubbed off on me too which didn't help the situation. But I'm currently with a mentally stable woman and I wouldn't in a million years ever date somebody like that again no matter what the circumstances were.
>>23187692 A-fucking-men brother. I can relate to exactly how you feel.
It's like when you're in that relationship, you're just a battery they siphon energy from and don't return any of that positive energy back. Then when you have no more juice to give, and try to reason with them you're made out to be the bad guy in the relationship. Fuck that noise.
There it no positive "what goes around comes around" with BPD. Only negative.
I have. It was the worst time of my life, but I actually, truly, deeply loved her. But I can't count how many times I gave up a lot of my own personal life to try to fix her mind. I almost broke my own. After her, it was 3 years of therapy and valium.
So guys, if we were gonna put it in simplest terms, how would we describe why BPD sufferers are so painful to love? I'm this anon >>23187692 and sometimes I think I was in too deep to really step back and analyze what happened.
Seems the rest of us have had the heartbreak of BPD, but what is the specific reasons it's so terrible?
>>23188444 I agree 100%. I was often kept from doing the things that would recharge my own battery too, like seeing friends.
>>23187708 >>23187712 You remind me of two conversations I had with my friend. One day I completely broke down sobbing. Which, as a rule, I do NOT cry in front of other people. I wailed about how I couldn't do it anymore. I'm exhausted, I'm unappreciated, I'm so very alone. Things seem hopeless. Nothing's ever gonna change.
A couple days later, I was perky. "I love my SO! And they love me. Everything is great. I love having purpose together. I'm happy." My friend just stared at me. Then said, "Are you trying to convince me, or are you trying to convince yourself?"
Anon, it's not your job to help him. Your life purpose is worth more than that. You deserve better than an SO you "deal" with.
It's incredibly stressful sometimes, and bliss other times. She's medicated, but it's volatile and she frequently has to take breaks, resulting in weeks where everything rests on a knife edge. 4 weeks ago she had to be taken off for toxicity reasons and spent nearly the whole week begging me for a baby, crying, suicidal and completely fucked up.
My wife has BPD, and it's impressive how awesome she is. She does have her moments when she gets stuck in a rut and has to allow the full cycle of emotions to process, but otherwise she's fucking great, and those moments are few. She used to have a serious opiate problem, but she's been clean for six years and has her shit together. She's the strongest emotional person I know and I'm a fucking war veteran.
I have dated someone with BPD. We were on and off for close to a year before I moved away. Back then I thought it was awful. She once dumped me twice in the same week. It took a hefty toll on my self esteem because back then I didn't realize that the things she said or did didn't really have anything to do with me. It was just who she was. And these things she did to me hurt her just as much, if not more than they hurt me. So immediately after breaking up with her for good, I said I would never do that again, but now that I understand it better, I think I could definitely handle it better. I would knowingly date someone with BPD again.
Having dated/lived with someone who had full on BPD, all the symptoms etc, etc.
She was full on physically and mentally abusive, she used to hurt her parents' dog too to the point where it would only crawl into her room.
>>23186770 As for OP, being honest is key more than anything they should know that you have it. I probably would date someone with BPD again though just considering I can probably handle it a lot better than I did and probably a lot better than most.
I'm BP2 and had a really bad relationship with a guy who eventually blamed his already existing depression on me when he was the one who cheated on me and dumped me every other week only to beg for me back.
IT IS VERY EASY for 'sane' people to blame all of their problems on their bipolar partner. I was given the blame for almost all of my partner's issues when they didn't even involve me at times but because I'm the crazy one it's clearly my fault.
Not every bipolar individual is the same and reacts to their illness the same. I don't go crazy and take pills when I'm upset anymore, I don't cry all the time, and I never break up with someone out of the blue. I'm very guarded and I never open up, I never cry because I can't feel enough emotion to cry, and I'm terrified of commitment. Not all bipolar females latch on like a leech and have jealousy issues.
I'm sorry some of you have had negative experiences with bipolar partners but some of us are actually medicated and at least try to maintain treatment. I will have bipolar disorder forever but that doesn't mean there's no maintaining a normal life for me. I didn't choose to be bipolar and have chronic major depression but it's been 10 years and I'm still here and trying to make something of myself and I do believe I am worthy of love.
i'm borderline and this thread makes me sad and feel like my boyfriend secretly resents me. however, i am being treated for it and i see a therapist once a week and do my absolute best to not be a fucking crazy person. the only issue related to bpd that ever causes problems in the relationship is my jealousy and anxiety about him cheating or finding someone better than me, which can cause fights. but for the most part, i'm pretty well under control at this point in my life. we're happy, we do normal happy couple things, and we take care of each other.
>>23194498 Thank you for pointing this out.. bipolar and borderline are hugely different... and the strain it puts on the ability to hold a semi healthy relationship is also just as vastly different. I feel bad for the fact that the people who have dated me have to deal with my fucking shit. I do my damn best to control it but therapy isn't an option since going through five therapists to be told 'they can't take my case'.. That fucking feel when you're a permanent victim of the sexual assault that happened to you at a young age and there's not a fucking thing that can be done to change that...
>>23186770 >originally diagnosed BPD >5 years later seek help after destroying relationship >never thought much about missing memories >turns out to be repressed trauma >tried letting her "in" in the months before my snap >didn't know what was happening or why I couldn't stop >every day is nothing but regret
It's hard, to talk to people like this and to really get past all the walls. I tried taking my defenses down, but took the wrong brick out and it all came flooding down on her. It wasn't her burden to carry with me. If you don't want to, or have the patience to, talk to someone for hours until they feel safe to let it all go and just be there with you, it's not something you should pursue. It's different for each person, but what doesn't change is the need for someone to hold on to and know that there is love for who you really are beneath all the bullshit(don't accept the bullshit, try to work through it).
>>23194775 >i am being treated for it and i see a therapist once a week and do my absolute best to not be a fucking crazy person. This is why you'll be okay. A lot of us in this thread had relationships with untreated borderline sufferers. It took me two and a half years to convince my ex to see a therapist.
Be careful not to let the jealousy consume you and ask him to compensate too much for you. You don't want him to sacrifice doing things he loves. My ex's jealousy ended up making me completely isolated because I couldn't see any of my friends or go out alone.
I've been actually diagnosed with bpd. Manic depressive. And it never stopped someone from dating me, I tell them up front, and what to do if I have an episode... I've never been abusive to any one tho. Every boyfriend has stuck it out. We break up for reasons related to my anxiety which is a different story. Would I date someone with bpd? Yes I would because that doesn't define you. I've dated people with anger issues, alcoholics and someone with mpd.
>>23195021 I didn't ruin his life, he did that on his own. I'm getting an education and I have a stable job. He doesn't even have health insurance and relies on his girlfriend to pay for everything. He doesn't have the desire to treat his tumblr self diagnosed depression and anxiety. Who ruined his life again? Oh yeah, he did.
>>23195028 Borderline, not bipolar. As scary as bipolar is, borderline I'd say is much more destructive to relationships. I mean, part of the criteria is frantic desperate fear of abandonment. If you decide it's worth it to do something terrible to your SO as long as it makes them stay, that can create some unhappy people.
I personally wouldn't do it, unless the person could manage it. My best friend's mother has BPD and holy shit is she crazy sometimes. When we were in high school she got mad at my friend and just locked her out of the house in the middle of the night so I had to go pick her up. The cops get called over to their house all the time because her mom will have a breakdown and threaten to kill her family, break shit, hit her kids, and stuff like that. She's on meds, but they don't work too well for her. The second she turned 18 my friend just moved in with her boyfriend. After having to watch all of the abuse my friend has gone through for years, I really don't think I would date someone with BPD unless I was positive they had it under control.
>>23196436 It's not unheard of therapists to turn people down simply because a client is borderline. It's a hard disorder and the therapist might not feel prepared to help. I'd hope they'd give a referral to someone with experience treating BPD, though.
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