We're gonna have a feels thread
Post pictures music anything that's troubling you. Look for advice or comfort
The full story would be too long and I'm not the best writer.
I'm in a downward spiral of self pity, loathing and hate. Most of my life people have used and manipulated me, I don't hate anyone, I hate what they have done to me, looking back I pretty sure no one ever really loved me or respected me, they say they did but things that had happened prove otherwise. I'm so empty and dead inside, the only thing on my mind is how to end the pain.
listen here you little shit, you will not commit suicide.
if you want to talk more about it, add me on kik: xxprophetmuhammadxx
if you want to be a fucking pussy and die in a spiral of self pity like a fucking 13 year old emo girl, then do it already
>Have severe anxiety issues , could get state benefits but don't believe in taking gubment money
>GF of several years leaves me for being cold and detached, said it's obvious I'm only happy or care about life when I'm around her.
>Working on being a filthy normie and overcoming said issues
>Have job lined up, planning on going back to college to finish up my degree (dropped out because anxiety about 7 years ago)
>Kpin and Valium are the only things that calm me down enough to act like a normal human
>Have naturally high tolerance to drugs. Have to take 2-3 times my prescription for it to be effective at all
>Slowly getting addicted to benzos. I can feel it but can't stop.
>Afraid all of the effort I've put into changing is going to go down the drain- I'm limiting myself hard on my meds but normally functioning less the less I take.
>Think about an heroing every day, but if I was actually going to do it I already would have.
motherfucker, there are kids in china going to work in electronics shops to make ends meet for their families. There are young girls in africa that have to haul water over 5 miles everyday just to get survive.
AND YOU'RE SITTING AT YOUR COMPUTER COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
damn dude, I'm sorry that you got rejected by stacey, but holy shit dude man up.
I'm guessing that you're below 18, and want to be edgy, but holy shit man, you don't joke about this shit.
If you've ever had someone you care about attempt suicide (they could succeed or not) you'd know it's not a fun time m8.
you're making your family go through that because you got your feelings hurt.
sorry if my sentences are shit, I'm drunk. fite me m8
I tried to kill myself once, now I live on perscripted drugs and feel living dead.
Shooting my self might let the happy out
so instead of spending the next 40 years of your life doing something, you're going to cry on a chinese imageboard and an hero?
whatta fucking pussy
tfw you become distant to friends and family only because they haven't talked to you and assume they hold no value in you as a person compared to other things and people in their life
tfw you're there for people who don't need you
tfw you wonder why you never met your dad
I'm turning 21 this year, and I'm just about halfway done with college right now. I'm a journalism student, but I took two semesters of psychology until I decided it wasn't what I wanted to do.
Right now, everything is really depressing.
My country is going through a really bad political and economical crisis. Unemployment is becoming a real issue.
I can't find any jobs whatsoever, not even internships (which I'm supposed to take soon)
To boot, I have no idea of what to do with my life. As of late, I've become unsure about my studies, about my lifestyle, about everything. I always try to see ahead of things, but I only see myself failing in the future.
My dream, which is to be a novel writer, is practically dead, since I can't write jack shit for almost two years now.
I've never been more alone in my life, since I don't have anybody to talk to.
I don't have sex for almost two years and haven't dated since (which barely matters, but I think it's worth mentioning).
I have no idea of what to do.
I just need a hug.
haha i've reached a new low
i threw up into a plastic shopping bag from the grocery store in my car for half an hour while i watched game grumps on my phone
i also bought laxatives for the first time in a year and a half
my eating habits are taking a nosedive
which i'm honestly pleased about bc i've gained some weight after recovering and i'm glad i'm getting back into my old habits because i'd rather just not eat than try to throw up anything i have eaten
but i just want to waste away again
i want to go back to having people ask me if i'm okay if i'm sick if i'm hungry
"no, that's okay i'm okay go away leave me alone"
and starve myself all day and be miserable and chain smoke
i h8 myself
i wanna be a skeleton again
I've lived with depression for a long time. I also don't feel of this world, and spend a lot of time feeling alienated. I've struggled with aerobic anorexia, self harm and starvation in my past. I still don't know what makes me carry on a lot of the time, but the point I want to make is that I do.
If anybody here needs an understanding shoulder, or hell, even just wants to tell their story one last time, all you need to do is reach out.
ok /soc/. Im a mentally fucked up individual, and today has really been bothering me. my life has been nothing but climbing and clawing tooth and nail for every little bit I've had, and trust me, its not much. Ive been witht the same girl for 6 years now, and i dont feel anything twards her. and idk how she feels about me. i am unable to hold down a job, its not that i dont try, idk what it is. My family is nothing but druggies and abusive people, been beaten my whole life by everyone. bullied all the time in school, bullied out of school into adulthood. i dont know what to really do with my life anymore. i dont feel like anyone really wants me or cares about me. sometimes i even question why im alive still and have suicidal thoughts. i need help but dont know how to go about getting it, nor can i even afford it. so i just feel stuck in this depressive existence i call a life. and i dont know what to do. I hate myself for being weak, i hate myself for not being able to do anything right. i have no friends and no family that cares about anything.
I've already moaned and whined a lot on here so I'm just gonna post some stuff that cheers me up.
Writing down your feelings and looking at that objectively. It helps you put them into perspective.
Getting some sleep.
Setting yourself goals, that you CAN achieve.
Don't over think.
Go slow, there's really no rush.
>meet a super cute chick on the bus one day (poorfag)
>become best friends
>shes one of the coolest chicks ive ever met
>hang out all the time
>go to the gym together
>shes funny as fuck
>were both start going to different colleges but we still hang out on weekends and stuff
>she has the major hots for me because i was "the fittest person she ever met"
>start getting frisky with her
>things are going great
>i end up dropping out after a year and join the army to follow my dream of becoming a ranger
>come back after a year of training having been cut off from her the whole time. i had made it
>end up getting put in headquarters with a desk job instead of on the line
>"at least ill be able to see her again"
>come back on leave. found out she got a boyfriend
>barely talks to me now, and pretty much blew me off during my leave
at least i have tons of time to work out. all my lifts have gone up by 70+lbs and i just hit a C&J PR.
i miss her though
I'm ugly and have a 13 cm baby dick and I'm extremely insecure about it. How do I stop caring about useless shit and finally go on living my life?
No matter what you do, or how hard you try, things can always go wrong.
I noticed you used the same expression and calculated that i could be you. if not i'm sorry for the mistake .
"It's not all because of you poo it's just the straw that broke the camel's back, I'm not for this life."
My friend, well, more than a friend, really, killed herself a month ago today. We made a promise to each other that we wouldn't leave one another, no matter what. She was in a dark place and she couldn't reach out to me. At her funeral I could hear her calling my name. Sometimes I still do. It makes me weep. I've made all my arrangements and I plan on joining her.
I love her so much. And I can't wait to see her again.
Anyone want a song written for them? I'm here to help someone out if they want.
>everyone online and IRL can find someone to date/hook up with
>except for me
Life was a mistake
I've been single for five years now. Nobody ever seems to be interested in me romantically. The only women I've ever been intimate with were cheating on their boyfriend/husbands with me. There was no emotion in it. I've been feeling so fucking lonely lately, but I don't want to bother people by constantly talking to them.
Thread is dying.
Whoever is here can you give me attention Im being a little emotional bitch right now.
>took cutie on date that I promised months ago
>lunch, movies, then dinner for sushi because she never tried it
>lunch was a blast she had a great time, laughs the entire fucking day.
>couple minutes in the movie I make a move and we basically make out for 80% of the showing
>she keeps smiling at me after every kiss, staring into my eyes, and holding my face in her hands
>I'm feeling fucking wonderful, hearts pounding, stomach is fluttery, general gay emotions.
>after the movie we leave and go for dinner.
>realize I might be falling for this broad
>her eyes are fucking beautiful and she won't stop staring at me and kissing me
>people walking by look at us like a power couple (i lift and she's just a fucking bombshell)
>exes and acquaintances we run into are just eyeballing us.
>fucking love every moment
>dinner goes great and the night ends with a kiss and us going our separate ways.
2 days later, she hasn't replied to my texts, bothered to call, and when we snapchat she opens my messages and ignores me.
I don't know if im more sad that this was my first date in months and this happens too much or mad that I actually bothered. She told me how her ex never did any of this for her and how I'm a really good kisser (guess some rumors at school or some shit). So I'm thinking she must feel the same about me. Lol no.
Im a joke.
Fuck guys what the hell do I need to fucking do to avoid this shit...
Hey. I'm Ellie ( this is a nickname ). English is not my first langage so sorry if I do mistakes
I just want to talk a little bit about me. Just want to ... Breath. I don't wait for answers or anything.
I feel really depressed right now. All days. My body is so uncomfortable, I want to pull out my painful skin and throw far away from me. I feel sick, nauseous and tired all the time. And I feel really culprit to feel like that because there is no good reason. I have food, a house, a family, a school. But I've bad results at school and no friends, or just 1 or 2. I feel very lonely, sad, like nobody cares about me, like I'm useless. So now I'm skipping school really often, I have big problems with that, I'm maybe fired of my school ... My parents pushing me too much ...
I feel like I'm not up for all this shit.
I've think to commit suicide. But I'm not sure thats the right choice.
I just need somebody to be here for me ..
Honestly. I don't mind little things here and there to make me want her. But I hate when someone does stuff like this. I just can't do it.
I'm not bragging or anything but I've basically been told I can get anyone I want. People call me a model or I'm handsome all kinds of bullshit. I just choose not to because I don't want to deal with emotions. This one girl comes along and plays hard to get and all this has done so far is make me talk to other girls to fill the loneliness. I dont have many friends to begin with. But this is just bullshit.
Try being single for 5 years and not having anyone to talk to about it or any opportunity to change things
Suffering is relative and you sound like you're 18 and fresh outta HS. Girls your age will date you for a fifth of liquor and some shitty weed, cheer up.
Like 4 hours maybe. Just told her I had a great time with her. We texted like 5 more times after that then she just stopped replying.
Texted her this morning just with general "good morning" bullshit.
>>23180032 you're eighteen anon. You've got youto WHOLE life ahead of you. Of course times may get tiresome and difficult but to be able to persevere through shows that you are a bigger person than the issues you face. An easy way to focus on these issues is to break them down into problems that you can solve. Sadness/isolation/depression arise when people try and solve things that they are unable to control. Try and break down your problem into things that you can control and then when you find things that you can control make them into objectives. And then you can create goals. I kbow it sounds like gooble gabble but I believe in you anon.
Thank you ...
I don't eat so much, maybe once a day because I'm not hungry, sometimes I don't eat for 2 or 3 days because I feel nauseous when I see food. I've really big migrains too, sometimes I need to go to emergency to have a drip when the pain is too intense. But I eat healthy.
Here's some faggoty pic i took so I could feel better about myself on instagram.
Honestly I'm like a 7. Been in rate threads so I'm not a god or anything. But I'm the talk of the school amongstthe girls for the most part especially since I was new in town and I don't dress like a mexican soccer playing fuck boy.
Water and some light carbs. You might just have a psychological affinity towards eating. Used to be in your position. I was more depressed than I am now so I would barely eat for days at a time. Kinda had to force myself
Sorry about your condition anon :(. Where are you from?
You're handsome, she just wanted to play some head games with you to boost her ego
Or she found another guy who she likes better than you, which still is a little ego trip for her
Thank you man ... I just feel like a lost little girl into a jungle, this scare me so much. I have no control on my life, this is so creepy ...
I have insomnia since a few weeks now. This is very hard to sleep just 2 hours per night.
Lol I've seen those fuck ups they're funny. And nothing really bad. Just casual talk about what happened that night. Jokes back and forth about some people we saw.
Still I just wish she would straight up tell me. I can deal with rejection. Had it plenty of times before when I was fat. At least now I know how to cope.
>you paid for everything (I assume)
>calling her "darling"
>telling her how much you enjoyed spending time with her
Some people might tell me this is why I'm lonely, but these are all things you should not do (as a guy) unless you want to present yourself as a doormat to whomever you're dating.
At least with millennial women, anyway.
All that shit goes to their head.
I'm the same way anon. I have extreme depression which fuels my insomnia. Do you have any hobbies? Aside from hobbies what you need to do is allow yourself to emote. When you don't emote you allow your emotions to control your internal functions and with sleep deprivation you lose more emotional control which fuels that cycle. So sleep is VERY important. Allow yourself to emote. If you're comfortable tell me all of what's on your minsite right now. I'm here to listen and to help. I'm safe and you're safe.
Awh I'm eighteen :D
I never really put off that kind of vibe. I act more mature for our age so this kind of shit ends up swooning most of them. Hell most of the girls I've been with are paranoid I'm talking like that to other girls. I do but sometimes I mean nothing by it. As for paying for stuff. Guess it was just how I was raised.
Fuck guys did I fuck up that badly? I should just not do this shit again.
Maybe that money would've been better put towards a hooker.
Also, I did lag a bit on responses afterwards. I'm just a bad texter in general lol.
It doesn't matter what kind of "vibe" you think you put out. They'll misinterpret your kindness for weakness; or conflate kindness with a lack of masculinity.
>c'mon brah its [CURRENT YEAR]
>why are you still being a nice guy
I'm not saying you fucked up, but most millennial women basically expect you to be Don Draper nowadays or else they'll assume you're a doormat to be walked all over.
Its gonna be okay anon, I'm here, I can try to help you but its hard to help people when you are hurted ... Yes, I do horseriding with an amazing mare, she's all to me, she keep me alive. I also paint very much.
Thanks a lot <3
this cocksucker is playing at college level>>23180109
you're still in high school, correct? girls love stupid small shit, and you did that. it's when they become stuck-up that you gtfo
>this cocksucker is playing at college level
I hope you're not implying that's a bad thing. 18 year old high school girls grow up to become 18 year old college sluts.
Fuck... I know man.. I've always been a charmer so with one night stands and shit it's whatever. But as soon as I show interest this happens... I guess you're right.
I try to be apathetic to just the random bimbos I talk to. But the one I fall for I guess I put off too much.
>>23180154 don't worry about me friend. I LOVE horses. I often work at a horse ranch down the road from me. And. Oooh! I love paintings. I'd love to see one. I'm a musician so all I can so is draw blobs and sticks and that's barely!
I sort of know that feel too, fampai.
The only women I've slept with over the past 5 years have been women who are cheating on their bfs, just like this guy >>23179972
But when it comes to dating I'm pretty much the nanook of the north, even though I've been in long term relationships and the like
In highschool, girls are more prude (if that makes any sense) and try to become the girl next door types. It's not until college when they're world changes with frat parties and no supervision that it goes to shit.
Yep. She's 17 and in high school. I graduated recently but I still live in the area so I'm constantly getting hit up by the broads that are still there. I just stay away cause they aren't worth the stress.
Yep, the school system here is ... Just ... Horrible. Also its cause of a lot of suicide here, especially in what we call "classes préparatoires" ( I think 30% of suicide due to the charge and rythm of work ). So its just totally defective. But its like that.
Whats your name ? :)
>mfw my grandma still asks me "SO WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET A GIRLFRIEND AGAIN"
>5 minutes after proselytizing to me about how degenerate women/people are nowadays
Eggzactly, that's what I am/was alluding to. They discover the power of their vagoo once they get to college with that "this is the best time of my life, better fuck a lotta dudes" mindset". Fuck, I've known girls who got on birth control BECAUSE they're "studying abroad"/going to college/"doing an internship abroad". They're pretty overt about it nowadays.
Dunno man I hate it. After a while you can only have so many one night stands that it gets to you. I just want to be loved and have someone I can talk to every night. But whatever. Fuck it. I'm fine with whores. That's all I ever run into.
Since there are some anons sharing their feels i may also participate.
I'll start by saying that i met this amazing girl in October 2015 and she asked for my number, we talked , see each other on now and then in the campus. In the past months i feel in loved with her as i never been with anyone. But it looks that she has a boyfriend since September 2015.
Unfortunately ,i've never had a romantic relationship in my life until now , i'm eighteen by the way, and handsome by what other people say an 7-8. I don't believe i have someone atm whom i call a real friend... i feel really lonely sometimes . I just wanted to be loved or at least have someone in the world that trully cared for me. I feel like i don't matter to anyone and i could just disappear and the world would be the same. Alas I do not intend to commit suicide, my passion for knowledge and creativity, and the will to follow my dreams, is what's making me alive, but I've been thinking: what if something happens that would block my only source of energy...
In the end i just need someone, i would like to not give up on this girl , at least get to know her better, but i don't really know how. I feel really difficult to create bounds with other people.
PS: every one that i loved have betrayed me or was in love for somebody else, to the point that i would not matter to them.
Thank you for your consideration.
Its even funner when they turn 30.
The problem is that with hoors you gotta be Chad Thundercock (relative to the competition), and be Alpha/Chad enough to keep that shit locked down until you get another hoor or have a backup (or two). If you're just an average schlub with an average dick making average pay living in an average pad driving an average car, you're not gonna appeal to the hoors very much unless you've got a silver tongue (in more than one sense) and can thrill 'em in the sack.
obviously, there needs to be something for the hoors to justify getting with you and keep coming back for more
Man, i know what you feel....
But trust me...really trust me bro.
a cheater is a cheater for life, its a no-go if you ask me!
But if u want to get her, do it, best wishes, but it will be hard and painful!
Lol I always feel like I'm being such a downer little faggot when I tell myself stuff like that but It's always been in my mind. I try to keep emotions separate but this girl was just... Fuck.
Kinda funny. My dad is super religious and he tells me to never get married. Bible says you could and it's better than lusting for sex. But no Not for religious reasons. But because he knows how badly they could fuck you up lmao.
Men actually get chastised and mocked if they're not promiscuous or hypersexual nowadays.
Even dropping out of the entire game gets you mocked (see: MGTOWs), and don't dare criticize it because that probably means you're just an underfucked virgin!
It is, thank m8 :)
You look so cool ! Whats your name ? :) There's one of my old painting. Its so unperfect but I like that.
I'm Eleonore, nice to meet you :)
>>23180240 holy shit that's amazing... I'm Colin! Pleasure to meetcha Eleonore!
Thank you for your words.
As i would never be capable of cheating on another I do not have the intentions to make her to cheat on him with me.
What i have in mind , which will be a hard path to walk, is to get to know her and tell her my feelings, if she decides to stay with me i would ask her to break up with his partner first, so there would not be misunderstandings nor nasty secrets. Else, well game over for me...
Thanks a lot <3
I'm so happy, I never trust to find so good and nice people on 4chan ... <3
Does anyone else feel like dying from time to time? I don't consider myself suicidal, but when those thoughts come in my head, they come hard. Thought about taking a whole bunch of pills one night and ending it all. I knew I wasn't going to act those impulses though. Sometimes I really do want to die, merely because I don't see the point in living. I'm not depressed, but I just don't see why I should live and I have no idea why I feel this way. I'm 18 at the moment and I've decided to end it all after 25 if I feel my life really isn't going to go anywhere. Does anyone else have a set date of death?
I know the feeling. Though, I'm not sure I am strong enough to kill myself. I just wish I could stop existing. And no matter what happens I want to die at 50, before my body falls into complete disrepair.
i dont think you should think that way, you set your date of death 7 years from now. You just have to find the things you feel worth fighting for. That's what life about! (as for me)
I have morbid fantasies all the time of dying a quick and painless death. Never thoughts of suicide but just something completely incidental and fast enough for me not to suffer so as to be relieved from this burden of existence. I haven't been doing well for a while and I really don't want to anymore.
lol why seven years?
I don't think I've ever seen a 4chan thread where it actually ended good
A lot of girls like this one. They're extremely cute/beautiful. They have this way about them that sucks you in and you can't help but feel like there is this instant connection that's both physical emotional. She makes you feel like you're the one she's been waiting for and the first guy to do it all right. Then as quickly as those feelings came, she's gone and moved on. Sometimes you never find a trace and sometimes you find out they've moved onto some other random sap. After this first one, you learn to pick this girls out fairly easily. They usually have some stupidly bullshit history, but it's all fluff. Just be more careful in the future.
Hey, I just want to say ...
I'm on Skype with an anon, and he plays piano for me. This is amazing ...
Anons are AMAZING guys. Thank you so much for all you do for me and others anons who aren't feel very well. There is a beautiful place here. Thank you so much, I love you all, I feel so better now <3
Im happy for you, not all anons are bad after all
Gonna dump some of my favorites greentext's
Maybe because i like videogames to this kind of histories makes me more sad
The last one, my favorite.
Keep trying, you should go for good girls. For me there are many girls that looks good because they are young.
I always get the feels this time each year. It's the time when I get to see my friends give up all the new year's resolutions they picked out for themselves, it's the time where people say hello and goodbye in the same breath and it's the time I look back on what I've done for the year and wonder whether I've done any better compared to this time last year. Maybe I'm looking at it from the wrong perspective. I'll be happier this time next year though - I'll be out of education maybe and hopefully doing something I truly enjoy instead.
I know why this happens and I know how to fix it, but I never seem to be prepared for what these feels do to me. I only need a change of perspective. Quoting the first song, "As the saying goes: a picture says 1000 words. But, which words?"
So for everyone feeling, I offer the first song - maybe try and think differently and it'll be 'alright' and for those not in the mood for feels, I offer this:
maybe you'll join us in these feels. Sorry about the blog post and hope everything turns out great for you guys
how about a lack of feelings? I'm not quite sure if I love or even really care for my significant other, and the fact that I'm questioning it to begin with must say a lot.
It feels….it’s weird, it feels weird that I am kinda becoming healthier with my kink? THAT SOUNDS SO WEIRD. Previously, I dunno if I had it in me since the beginning, or my ex instilled it in me, but I was super into the hella gross and extreme stuffs - okay, not extreme extreme [he was into that] but things like being used as a public toilet/treated as furniture. A phrase that really came to mind and was ingrained into me was “toilets take in all sorts of gross things so this should be no problem” and “you are property and furniture and have no say in this”. And, and he meant it - I had no say in it. It probably totally didn’t help the unstable self worth I have of myself too aahaha. It was as unsafe and insane as it sounds, and I didn’t do anything for like, four years because I didn’t know better. I didn’t knew that this isn’t how a relationship was supposed to be, I didn’t even think that I deserved any better, I was super clingy and needy and desperate and scared that he is my only love and the only road forward.
Got away from it all, cried a lot and he tried to have me back multiple times but I wasn't having any of it.
So long story short, I got better, right? And I became social chair, I got into dance [!!!!!], I started the applications and paperwork for HRT, I dyed my hair, I became closer to my friends and I found super cute and caring friends. I made myself busy, because if I’m busy those thoughts don’t come back and the hardest part has always been starting to move again when you stop and feel like nothing is worth it. So I keep moving. And it’s super fun! Lately, I’ve always ended class in a super happy notes, I am keeping up with my classes/understand what is going on in the class for once, and as I head home I would look at the sky and the wind and it’s just so pretty and the world is so beautiful and fun and I want to see all the great things it has to offer. (1/2)
For the longest time, I can only really get off reading through the past chat logs I had with him [which consists basically of just a lot of commands and insults and him calling me every other derogatory word you can think of], and even though I knew it was super unhealthy it was just, it was just the quickest way. That’s not how it is anymore. At first it felt kinda lost and scary, it’s like, hot fuck, what the fuck, I can’t even come anymore because he never let me, what the fuck do I do? It was like, I was conditioned both physically and mentally and I couldn’t cum without his permission or without being abused. But I wasn’t gonna let some shithead win over me.
And slowly, slowly, things changed. The pictures and things that I go for become slowly less extreme. Right now, I feel like I’m leaning more towards finding someone who’ll accept my body, my mangled back, and my sassy as fuck personality. Having a pretty okay/smart head comes as a bonus hahaha. And it’s like, huh. I still like BDSM y stuffs, but it’s not required for me to get off anymore, and if given the options there will be days where I’d go for the cuddling and warm mugs over getting tied and gagged up or what the fuck ever. I realized that I like having someone occasionally care for me and I don’t have to think, because it’s a complete 180 of how I am in normal every day life. (2/3 - I lied, forgot the limit)
Who /fat and ugly/ here?
add balding too
And it’s a warm and cozy and wonderful feeling, like I’ve came home, and I’m slowly learning how it feels to be at home with yourself again for the first time in god knows how long. That inner peace helps me with studying consistently compared to before, which in turns feed itself into the inner peace thing - it’s like a vicious cycle except it’s a good cycle ahaha. I want things to continue being this exciting every day, I want to keep running ahead, to keep running and chasing my mentor and, maybe, along the way, I will find someone who’ll keep me happy for the rest of my life.
tl;dr my taste got vanilla as fuck and I am a now basic bitch with basic bitch tastes who thinks bondage and mild pretend play on being a cat is hot. (3/3)
After undergrad I fell into isolation and depression, which hurt my grades in law school, and while I was able to improve things in later years, the lead weight of my 1L grades kept me just barely in the bottom half of my class.
1. Because of that, I can't really find anything better than my current employ, which pays only a little better than minimum wage.
2. Because of that, I can't really afford to go out and do anything social that might expand my experiences and social network, let alone secure a meaningful relationship
3. Because of that, I'm back to being isolated and depressed, which interferes in proactively improving myself as a professional.
Go to 1.
I work hard and am regularly praised at work, but get little more than that. I could resolve myself to just enduring until my efforts at work are rewarded, but my father recently died and every week is a new need from the family that I can't address, deepening Step 3 of the Suck Cycle. Feels like a spiral down into oblivion, from which there is no clear escape and no path but to blindly stumble forward.
This is me. I don't mean to do it to people I just honestly want to be nice and make people feel good about themselves. But somehow everyone I try to be friends with falls for me and ends up hating me. It really sucks bc I constantly feel like a fraud and awful person. I'm not even worth liking let alone saying you are in love with me within a week. Then I don't want to hurt them and try to be nice but it's leading them on. If I try to explain I want to just be friends and take things slow because people are always trying to rush me with my feelings then they feel rejected and lash out at me and I still feel like the bad guy. It's not even just guys. I've had this happen with girls even.
I just want friends without feeling so much pressure and guilt. I want to care about them and make them happy without any strings attached but being friends. But I can't. I try to make friends same thing happens and I get too overwhelmed with not being enough for anyone that I have to go back to being alone. And it sucks.