MFW I got my first vibrator, but my vagina is almost completely insensitive and I feel really deprived of one of the few pleasures in life. (Clit works though, so at lest I have that).
Femanons, pls tell me how good it feels to have a sensitive vadge. I wanna know. I wanna experience it through you.
Also femanons with insensitive vaginas, share your pain.
And also tips?
is it a g-spot vibe? i was the same way for a long time and then i got one of these and its the tits, lemme tell ya
It is normal, but some females do get pleasure from penetration. I can only imagine what it feels like to enjoy all parts of sex. Or masturbation. although it's different with masturbation. But still.
You are probably expecting too much. The majority of vaginal pleasure is achieved by stimulating the first 3 inches or so and the g spot.
You should either stick to masturbating with your fingers or getting a nice boyfriend to have sex with if this experimenting leaves you unsatisfied.
Have you had partners before?
RN here, 80-90% of women are unable to climax through their vagina and only climax with clitoral stimulation. This is the norm, and study after study finds the same thing. Not only that, looking at the anatomy of the female genital nerves it couldn't be any less clear: most of the nerves are bundled in the clit, with remarkably few inside the vaginal canal. Most if not all of a woman's pleasure nerves are found on the outside of their genitals, mostly in the labia and clitoris.
Imagine how painful giving birth would be if women had that many nerves inside their vaginal canal.
P.S. There is no g spot and anyone who says there is has never taken an anatomy course. All serious literature considers Grafenburg's hypothesis completely bunk.
So tips for op: rub your clit, use your vibrator on your clit, enjoy orgasm, don't worry about holes so much guys tend to perseverate about them all together too much
I have had sex partners before (2), can't tell which one was more disappointing. First one's dick was too thick and it wouldn't fit. At least he gave oral sex (although he wasn't any good at it). With that being said, there was absolutely no chemistry, I didn't really like him, it's a complicated story.
Second guy didn't know the clitoris existed. Also, vagina is too tight, so the only position that didn't hurt was missionary.
I've heard that the g spot is just the back part of the clitoris?
>So tips for op: rub your clit, use your vibrator on your clit, enjoy orgasm, don't worry about holes so much guys tend to perseverate about them all together too much
I guess that's the only thing I can do. Although after my last encounter (5 months ago), I have little to no sex drive. I don't even want to masturbate.
That is rather sad to hear. It can be very difficult to open up and get excited enough for women. Have you had orgasms before?
You should probably try exploring yourself a little bit more, get more familiar with vagina and try to find out what you enjoy.
That will also make things easier with men in the future.
>you will never give a girl as much pleasure with your peen as you receive from her vajone
it's just not the same genital to genital connection i think humans should have. the creator is a cruel bastard for making women's pleasure a secondhand thing.
but yeah eating pussy and having a girl choke you with her legs in pleasure is one of the most satisfying things imo
I do know what I enjoy and what turns me on.
And yeah, it's difficult to open up, doesn't help that my body isn't anywhere near decent, so getting undressed in front of someone is not among the most pleasant things for me.
I don't really plan to be with any men (or women) in the future, so there's that.
But I was disappointed because I had heard that vibrators change women's lives and I was excited to enter that new era of divine pleasure. Oh well, I suppose.
Clit stimulation is pretty much the sure fire way to get off, but a huge part of it is also mental/emotional. Honestly? You need to be in the mood. You can't be pissed off/frustrated; that'll make things more frustrating, leading to sad cycle of not getting off. I also find that getting wet is crucial; if I can't get wet, forget it, pack up and go home.
I don't know if I've come vaginally. I'm usually on top, and if I give myself enough time I can come from my partner's cock inside me, but not sure if that's from my vagina or from indirect stimulation to my clit. Either way I ain't complaining!
As for your past partner being too thick...uhh idk. I don't think that's actually possible? I mean, babies come out of there! The vagina is made to stretch and accomodate for these kinds of things, as well as tighten again once that's no longer needed. It could be that you needed more wetness/lube and that you folks weren't patient enough for it. But ah well, that doesn't matter, since he's out of your life anyway.
It's not only that he was too thick. I wasn't really aroused. Didn't really want to have sex, but also wanted to, because I didn't want to be virgin forever and that was my only option. But I had no experience at that time and I didn't know how crucial lubrication is. Same thing second time, although the guy was pretty hot.
Ahh I see. Hmm. Here's an idea (feel free to reject): Maybe lock the door and wear a blindfold as you try to pleasure yourself, either with your own hands or the vibrator. Heighten the senses other than sight, try to clear your mind of worries/insecurities, get in tune with your body. And above all, be patient. Get to know how your body feels, physically I mean.
Conversely, get a big mirror you can position in front of you and then touch yourself. I don't mean just go for your clit, but touch yourself all over (breasts, sides, back, etc) and watch your own face as you figure out what feels nice. Maybe it's just me, but I find it sexy to watch myself? And doing this might help you with your body confidence, getting used to how you look.
Idk just throwing ideas out there.
>my body isn't anywhere near decent
You did have two partners that thought that you were decent enough looking :^)
On a more serious note, you should work on becoming more comfortable in your own skin. The vibrator won't chance your wife, but it can help you if you go at it slowly and take your time getting used to the thing.
>>23141618 also brings up a good point. Women tend to really enjoy reading erotica to get in the mood for things. I wouldn't give up just yet if I were you.
And besides, you've had two 'bad' partners but what makes you think they'll all be like that?
I have been in a relationship for 6 years.
It hurts me badly when I can't say that his cock actually feels good. There is a rare time where it hits a great spot, but it's not as good as clitoral stimulation, and no one can make me cum like I can.
It's not a lack of size or girth, it's just me, my pussy is broken.
Sex is like a joke to me.
Thanks for letting me share, I thought I was alone.
Ahh yeah that makes sense. Honestly the first time is rarely fun. Me, I'm one of those lucky women who naturally get very wet (I'll probably lose this when I'm older, sadly), but yes, lube is very important. It's good that you're asking questions and researching, and yeah a good partner helps a lot. I totally give you props for knowing yourself well enough to admit that you'd rather go it solo for a while though. I really hope you figure out the vibrator thing soon; it could just be that you don't feel relaxed enough yet. Good luck!
why are blowjobs so normalized and girls are readily willing to do it but when i try to go down on some girls they are all self conscious about it? why are a lot of girls so weird about that?
Sometimes I do dedicate myself to it and, I'm home alone, relaxed, I have enough time to enjoy every bit of it. One thing I found, though, is that the effort/pleasure level has nothing to do with the pleasure level of the orgasm. Sometimes I'm not that aroused, I am done in a couple of minutes and BOOM, there's this awesome orgasm. Other times when I've actually put effort into it, the end result is pretty meh.
But since you mentioned touching, I just remembered the second guy I did it with. He wasn't that much into touching and sensual stuff, but he did, at one point, touch my back and oh god. That was pretty damn good. So, >>23141671 , maybe try that with your partner? I guess trying different things is the key. AND being comfortable.
The first one actually didn't find my face or body decent, but, as I said, it was complicated (not in a bad way, just in an "I have a hard time explaining " way) with him.
Also, I did get horny after some nice porn or even just thinking about sex-related stuff. But I've been pretty frigid for the past few months.
The reason I don't plan on having any more partners in my life is not because I think that nobody would give me sexual pleasure, but because I simply don't want to. I don't feel good in a relationship and I have too many problems with myself, so there's that too.
There are a few things to be worried about. Like what the vagina looks like. I'm guessing a lot of women don't have a perfect pink pussy with small labia, so that's one thing to be self-conscious about. The other thing is what it will taste like.
It's because going down on a girl isn't as mainstream as blowjobs. Everyone's comfy talking about dicks, but not many people wanna talk about pussy. So a lot of girls probably didn't even know getting eaten out was an option. Also, as a woman myself, I have to admit that I get self conscious? Like "oh god what if I smell bad" or "damn it I haven't shaved in a while." Maybe try it in the shower; she might feel cleaner and more relaxed.
Mm so it's not just sex, but the emotional and psychological. And that's fair. Sometimes we're just not at a good stage in life to consider a relationship. I had a lot of emotional problems in high school and going into college, but by the time I graduated, I became a lot more confident due to my experiences. It helped that my part time job was both fun and required me to get out of my shell and interact with people in person. This made me more open and willing to engage with people; the boyfriend I got in senior year of college is lucky to have met this version of me, rather than the asshole version in high school who liked to lash out at people. So what I'm really saying for you is give it time. Maybe in the future your life situation will improve (career, friends, where you live, etc), and this in turn will help you feel more comfortable with yourself and be able to have an interpersonal relationship. Hell, my sister is 40 and having her very first boyfriend/sexual partner; there's no deadline or anything. Just keep your eyes open for opportunities and life will take you by surprise.
Thanks. I may change my mind later on and maybe learn to manage my self hatred, but for now I'm good without the prospect of having a partner. Also, glad to hear that things worked out nicely for you.
I get nothing from clitoral stimulation, I am insensitive, I almost never come, it's all mental for me. When I masturbate, I literally have to fuck into something like a guy and pretend I'm dicking something. I only enjoy watching men fuck holes. I can't watch men fuck women at all or I get turned off immediately. When I orgasm, it just barely feels like I'm satisfied in any way and is not significant at all. I'm broken :(
I appreciate the advice involving the back and such. I think that since I masterbated so much using my clit when I was still developing (i.e. started at 7) that maybe my pussy just didn't develop for pleasure. I am very comfortable in my relationship, no judgement or anything.
my big issue is that he asks how he does, and when I'm on top, I don't feel anything, when I'm on bottom it's good, sometimes and when I'm taken from behind the angle that feels good, doesn't for him
I don't think it's the early age you started masturbating at. I started doing it when I was 17/18. And it's not like I've done it every day since. Sometimes I masturbate 2 times a day, sometimes once a month.
Does touching and such stuff work for you, though? I'm curious.
Dude here: But internal stimulation isn't the most common thing; there tends to be kind of a it either works for you or it doesn't. Especially because my immediate question would be are you using a straight vibrator or a g-spot vibrator which is more likely to be effective internally?
(Of note with vibrators, I HUGELY recommend the Swan Wand. Been using it with a partner both internally and externally lately, fucking awesome. So fucking awesome. Similarly njoy's pure wand is glorious for g-spot stimulation, but it's not a vibe).
75% of women cannot orgasm from PIV. I'll wave off the rubber comment as a colloquial thing, because your sex toys should never be made from rubber.
80-90% is a hell of a lot higher than the data I've seen. Won't fault it since you're an RN and I've not pursued that angle, but curious if there was new data released then?
Similarly the information I've seen about the g-spot is that its generally never been acknowledged in literature because no one can actually find anything that would explain it, but it gets continually investigated because of the fact so many people report it as being a distinctly different feeling than clitoral stimulation. To my understanding, the last study that provided anything of interest was the 2008 ultrasound study done by the University of Vienna that found women who reported g-spot stimulation tended to have a denser mass of tissue between the vaginal canal and the clitoral root.
Yeah, you can. As said: That's what mouth and fingers and toys are for. Since women tend towards being multi-orgasmic FAR more than men, and the clitoris has more nerves than the entire penis, it's not even particularly that hard.
Curious: What vibrator did you get? There's a huge huge huge huge fucking range of quality; there's a reason good toys are expensive as fuck.
Babies are made to come out of there, yes, but it's not like they come out comfortably and without any warning. You can absolutely have partners too thick, in the sense that, yes, you SHOULD be able to work up to them, but it means every single sexual session is going to be a VERY slow and potentially painful experience. Some people can accommodate it better than others; of similar regard I've had partners I could work up to fisting, but the vast majority of partners cannot handle something like that - and my fist is considerably smaller than a baby.
Make sex about things other than his cock in your pussy, then. There's nothing wrong with being insensitive.
Hitachi's are notorious for having effectively two settings of "High" and "Burn your genitals off"; there's a reason dimmer switches for them are so popular (as bad as they often are for the motor).
I've used my hitachi on my cock before, but be aware its a fucking intense thing. I would generally just recommend keeping it around for the women, long as you toss a condom on it's head it's pretty easy to keep sanitary. Also ways to mitigate the intensity, or to use it to your advantage.
I stopped penetrating myself while masturbating like 5 years ago, a dildo seems useless to me
i used to be able to masturbate in so many ways, but now it's been like 3 or 4 years since i can only masturbate lying in bed on my belly in complete silence, thinking about spanking, nothing else gets me off, which kinda sucks
i've very very rarely orgasm during sex if i stimulate my clit, but i usually become insensitive before reaching orgasm
i also rarely get wet, but apparently that's normal in a long relationship
however i love having sex with my bf, i love oral and anal very much as well
i also love nipple stimulation but he doesn't bother much with that :( he loves to suck my tits but i prefer hand stimulation which i assume is boring
meanwhile my best friend is a nympho who has sex with hundreds of guys and she can always get wet and make herself cum and when she talks about her orgasms i wanna kick her face
I also hate the fact how very few women will admit that they can't orgasm, making me feel like an idiot
also here's how i feel pleasure from penetration, in case it might help someone:
first make sure you're wet, naturally or from lube, and start slowly. penetration feels best when you're already horny though
the vagina is tight and "short" at first, but it dilates when you're turned on, when it's dilated you shouldn't feel pain
the missionary is the easiest position, once it feels good, start pulling your legs up, like make him hold your legs, or put them on his shoulders, this way his penis will hit deeper and the sensation will be more intense. also if he is perpendicular to you, instead of laying down over you, it feels even more deep!
if his pubis rubs on your clit it also feels really good
only when i'm horny enough i can have sex from behind, which feels kinda different. if i start right away from behind and i'm dry i'm gonna get sore and it fucking hurtss don't have dry sex from behind!!
I love laying flat on my stomach. in this position you can relax and stimulate clit. also if you put your hand on your belly you can feel his penis poking from the inside out. when it stimulates the frontal vagina wall or whatever it's called it feels amazing (that's where they say the g-spot is)
also if you go doggy stile his balls might stimulate your clit?? it's kinda funny but it does feel nice. also if you look down it'll look like you have balls. don't look down. balls.
so yea inside vagina these spots feel good for me: frontal wall and cervix (when he hits deep)
I can also post anal advice if anyone needs
The clitoris is substantially larger than just the exterior anatomy - it's more the "tip of the iceberg". The clitoral root isn't easily stimulated internally though. He is right that the g-spot is essentially pop-culture science, it's never been something that has been confirmed and is thus entirely absent in serious literature. The closest approximation is, as I said earlier, that it could be people who report g-spot stimulation just have a denser mass of tissue between the vaginal canal and the clitoral root, that allows for easier stimulation of it.
nice info-graphic. It's old tho
I'm failing to find you the study I'm looking for without a paywall, this is old but will do
>>The researchers conclude that, ‘objective measures have failed to provide strong and consistent evidence for the existence of an anatomical site that could be related to the famed G-spot’. However, surveys and anecdotal testimonials suggest that many women believe in the existence of a highly sensitive area in the front vaginal wall.
It's hard for me to be turned on, or in the mood as it is.
If he touches my clit then I can get turned on, but I still really don't want sex.
It's penetration that really is boring for me. Fingers is a bit better but that's because he can get a more precise lock on my spots.
People have more erogenous zones that the 'usual' ones that everyone knows about.
It's very possible that you have another 'button' you don't know about yet. I sure as hell have a few uncommon ones.
Getting in the mood can be very difficult though for some women, and is usually something that needs to be talked about more often.
i was like this with my ex, and we weren't sexually compatible
i've been having sex with my now bf for one and a half years and it's still great, and that's cause he knows how to dominate me and roleplay and gives good head
i don't know if this is the case for you, but the guy might be the problem...
I completely understand your pain! I've never once had an orgasm. Not only that, but I can't get wet at all. Not by someone else's hand, or my own! It's absolutely pathetic. I feel like I'm always going to be ripped open during sex because I'm not wet enough to have it stretch, and even lube doesn't seem to help. I'm fucked.
I'll have to tlk to him about that, thank you
This might be true, but I love him so much that I would go through life with a not so great sex life. It bothers him, but this has been an issue for 6 years, we have made it this far.
It gives you guys a very good reason to on a re-exploration of each other's bodies and hopefully reignite some passions. I'd say that's worth the effort.
It could be whole host of issues; hormonal, mental or something entirely different.
Not being to get wet at all is something you should probably talk to a GP about. Never having had an orgasm might be very frustrating, but that's also part of the exploration process you have to go through with your body.
Having had experiences with sex that were negative can also effect this.
I usually just tease myself for a bit with the vibration. Then put it inside and let it sit on different settings while I read/watch something that turns me on. And then yeah I just have to actually fuck myself with it/pump it in and out to orgasm but it doesn't take long. I can also orgasm just from my nipples and multiple times from my clit. I was born lucky.
Ah you have a very good point about the thickness and the fisting and stuff. I think I was just being unbelievably naive last night. Thank you for setting the record straight; I really appreciate it!
>Femanons, pls tell me how good it feels to have a sensitive vadge.
I have the opposite problem as you op. every touch to my vagoo is so stimulated it hurts. Both clit and internally. Not only can I not enjoy any kind of sexual experience, it's actually painful to do so.
Can't even enjoy clitoral stimulation, you're right at least you have that. You have no idea how frustrating it is to have a sex drive but to never be able to even remotely do anything for it.
Can you tell me why my pussy is defective? Why can't I even enjoy clitoral stimulation? Will I ever experience sexual pleasure, or should I just kill myself now?
have you tried lube with laticaine in it or however it's spelled, typically its used for anal as it dulls the nerves a bit, couple the slippery with the dulled nerves and you may even get to enjoy some sexy time....worth a shot anyways
I guess. Lube in general has never done anything for me though. I get plenty wet, but i don't even know why it's not from pleasure.
I highly suspect i have vaginismus, which explains the penetration discomfort. But not really the clitoral discomfort.
I'm going to die alone regardless really. No guy would ever want to date someone long term that they can't fuck.
trust me hon if you didn't spend a lot of money on it, it's probably not worth shit. you wanna save for a lelo, fun factory, or a nu sensuelle bullet
or a hitachi
also get On oil for her, its an arousal oil. or climaxa if you have it at your store. personally, i have both.
if you got a vibrator and have only used it internally, you will not cum from that alone. almost all women cannot come without clitoral stimulation. period. it's just fact. doesnt mean your vag is "insensitive" - it means you're fucking normal lol
if you cant come on your clit from your vibrator, it might not be strong enough or you might need to consider more foreplay or more edging before introducing the vibe.
anyway gl fapping hope my advice helped
i'm happy to suck cock, but I suspect the pool of guys willing to stand at 3rd base forever is slim. It's gonna get old eventually. Every dude I've ever met who's not a virgin says there's no simulating real pussy.
It's not the norm it's the status quo.
Saying it's a norm that the majority of women can only climax through clitoral stimulation and not through intercourse is equivalent to saying that the majority of men can only orgasm by finishing themselves off.
It's obviously that the current status quo of women only being able to climax through clitoral stimulation is due to some sort of widespread pandemic external factor. One which simply affects women greatly more so than it does men.
Data supports that its very rare for women to orgasm purely through PIV, and this is data going back to the 40's and 50's. Which is as long as we've ever really been gathering this type of data. It ranges consistently from 10-25% of women can orgasm vaginally; with 25% being the most consistent number.
Clitoral stimulation has always been the primary source of female orgasms.
What makes you think what I'm speaking of refers to a phenomenon that goes back as little as just 60 years?
I would say 300 at the very minimum.
Admit that the current data is TERRIBLY undernourished and being as how it doesn't grasp even a fraction of the bigger picture that it would then produce completely absurd conclusions like the idea that climax via intercourse isn't the absolute norm.
What immense intellectual dishonesty one must suffer from in order to promulgate this idea that the majority of women can only climax via clitoral stimulation. That's like saying cars can only ever start if you thoroughly jimmy the ignition, just because you have only ever driven broken, shite cars.
Dude, just because you slapped together a bunch of big words doesn't mean you can disguise the fact that you're basically saying, "Lots of women totally come from PIV...because I said so! Oh and here's a metaphor."
I mean, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that your argument isn't convincing. You're not providing any sort of data, not even anedoctal; all you seem to be doing is shouting that this is true because you said so.
Current data isn't great, because us studying female sexuality is a pretty new phenomena - but it's a lot better than blithely pulling data from our ass. It's great to say otherwise - but there's no reason to think so.
Seriously: What information are you drawing from?
Just because you can't understand where somebody is deriving their information from doesn't mean they're generating it out of thin air.
Let me put it this way, to try and give you some sort of actual, real world perspective. I believe what I do, and you believe what you do, but at the end of the day, I'm the one with the knowledge who understands women in a certain way to where I can give them real, proper, bodily climaxes and not second-rate clitoral ones, and you're stuck with your limp dick and completely sexually numb girlfriend who's sad self thinks she can only be brought to climax by ferociously rubbing out her clit (Out, damned spot! Out!) because she, due to your pure idiocy, honestly believes that it's somehow just the way things are with other women (despite the fact that all of recorded history has implied otherwise, but they're just ignorant and didn't know any better because they didn't have smartphones and feminism, right?).
Fucking faggot nerd. You make me sick.
You're not even pretending to have a source. Look, what's the deal here, are you taking personal offense to this? This doesn't threaten you - it's not talking about 3/4 women you've fucked (and that's Kinseys stats including clitoral stimulation, the closer to 10% assessments tend to be purely vaginal) have faked orgasms or anything, it's saying of an (at the least national) population level.
As for "all of recorded history"; up until recently 'all of recorded history' cared little for female pleasure.
Again: What are you drawing any of your conjectures from? You literally just tried to launch into an attack on me instead of trying to bother answering that.
A female's pleasure is not a thing in itself you retard. Women get their pleasure from pleasing, not from being pleased.
Again, you're just another dickhead who thinks because of his fucking reddit-tier attitude towards women and COLLECTING THE DATA, GOTTA COLLECT THE DATA, that he actually understands women in any other than a completely superficial way.
Take a moment to realise that I have not actually engaged you in serious discussion and think about why that may be.
Or, you know, maybe I have gone through higher education and actually happen to give a crap about valid data versus half assed assertations.
>>A female's pleasure is not a thing in itself you retard. Women get their pleasure from pleasing, not from being pleased.
Probably most beautiful thing you've said. I actually laughed. So let me get this straight, it's 4am and I'm pretty fucking tired: Are you arguing that you shouldn't pay any attention to the clitoris, and that women (primarily) passively get pleasure from the act of pleasing their mate, as opposed to actively receiving pleasure directly?
Delightful. Abso-fucking-lutely delightful.
Guarantee you I have more years of higher education and at more prestigious institutions and in a STEM field under my belt than you and I am telling you right now science does not have a thing to say about common sense.
No amount of argumentation or empirical construction has anything to say in the way of things which should already be clear to us.
>women (primarily) passively get pleasure from the act of pleasing their mate, as opposed to actively receiving pleasure directly?
Yes you thick cunt. The more 'woman' she is the truer this will be. Deny and all you have left is some fucking abominable half-man in a female's body going through life and sexual experience wreathing in confusion and bodily displacement.
And here's an opportunity: What common sense are you using? As >>23147795 said, your assertion is, and has always been thus far, that your stance is correct because you said your stance is correct. Then you've proceeded to launch into ad hominem style attacks against anyone who disagrees with you.
Truly, you've established yourself as the sexual virtuoso.
LOL what men talking? It's literally just you shouting nonsense to yourself while everyone, including the men, looks on in pity.
Anyway, I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you got what you needed from this thread and that you're amused rather than annoyed. It really was nice to talk to you.
>trying so hard but never quite escaping being an obvious and struggling sperg
Get out of my way faggot
R E A L
S M A L L
That other poster is absolutely retarded. Also this information is pretty accurate. It's about 80% of women that cannot orgasm from penetration alone.
I absolutely get off more from pleasing than being pleased. I still think >>23148049 is an idiot though.
That's right give the beta male his little concessionary acknowledgement. Make sure you make it clear to him that I'm the idiot and that I don't know what I'm talking about so he never begins to grasp the true depth of his retardation.
Literally everyone is against you in this one dude. If you want to have a discussion on your viewpoints, that's entirely fine. If you want to attack me personally, I will laugh my ass off.
Outside of that:
You do realize the whole alpha/beta thing is absolutely retarded right?
I honestly can't be bothered with a melt like you. I'm glad I got to rub my cock in your stupid fucking face and throw a wrench in your pathetic fucking retarded idea of reality though. Later.
I'm also in the situation that I don't enjoy being penetrated. The main issue is that I seem to have an incredibly small vagina, and even after hours of foreplay, I've never been able to fit a penis inside me. The most I've ever gotten is a guy once got one finger inside me, and I couldn't cum until he took it out and just focused on my clit.
I can kind of parrot what the other anon up there was saying about having their back touched. That feels so much better to me than anything sexual.
I've kind of just given up on dating at this point. Oh well.
>Women get their pleasure from pleasing, not from being pleased.
Are you actually retarded? Did your mom not hug you enough or what?
Dude, from all you said, what I gathered is that you think you are a sex god and women are merely an instrument to please men. Pulling some shit out of your ass, because you think that you know how women's genitals work. Also, the fact that you think the size of your penis makes you a good/bad sex partner... I mean... Are you for real?
Also, notice how you started offending people when you didn't know how to prove your point? Do you know what that means? Cause the rest of us do...
Don't give up on dating because of that. Not being able to take more than a finger isn't common though, so you could absolutely talk with a GP about that.
I'm willing to bet that you are too tense and can't relax your vulva enough to 'let anyone in'.
It could of course be a physical problem, but it's much more likely that you have a mental blockade of some sort.
I've spoken to a doctor, and her advice was to see a therapist because she also thought I was just too nervous. So I did that, and the therapist agreed that there should be no reason mentally that I can't have PIV sex.
I've tried every trick under the book. I've spent plenty of time masturbating, and I can fit one of my own fingers in (I have quite small hands, so not exactly a feat), but if I try to add a second one, regardless of how aroused I am, it just doesn't fit. I've tried plenty of lubes, tried to make myself cum first (or in the case of a partner, have them go down on me to make me cum first), tried different positions (solo and with a partner), and the outcome is always the same.
That does sound very frustrating. You've had a number of partners try? Did they ever really 'force' anything more than a finger in there?
I would still argue that you are too tense and that your vaginal muscles never relax enough to let anything more than a finger in there. I'm not a doctor of course but that seems to make the most sense. I mean women's bodies are designed to have sex and give birth, so it would be illogical that you wouldn't be able to fulfill that function.
How are you in terms of hymen etc? it could be that you have a more tough membrane that hasn't been torn yet.
I've tried with four at this point. Like I said, none of them managed to get anything inside me, with the exception of one guy and one finger.
I mean, hymens aren't supposed to "tear" in the first place, but yes, my doctor did check to see if maybe I had a particularly thick one or anything, and mine is fine.
Yes, women's bodies are designed to have sex and give birth, but they fail at that all of the time. There are women with PCOS or endometriosis, and entopic pregnancies happen. Bodies fail at things sometimes. Maybe mine is just failing in a different way.
I'll be honest and say no, which I know I need to, but idk how seriously a virgin 20 year old will be taken about this kind of stuff.
I just got the impression I'd just be told "you're too young to worry about this shit, you're not even fully out of puberty yet"
But next time I go in I think I'm gonna bite the bullet and try anyways and probably cry about it and make her think I'm just completely emotionally unstable and get misdiagnosed based on that. But ever since I learned vaginismus is a thing, I think I need to get tested or properly diagnosed for it, it describes me to a T and I fit all the criteria.
>burning sensation upon penetration
>cannot use tampons or get a finger in there
>history of sexual abuse
>fear/paranoia about penetration
>Bad body image particularly about vag.
It all describes me perfectly, and unfortunately theres no real treatment other than "stop being fucking emotional about it, magically feel better somehow" which means this is just how its going to be forever.
I'm not sure how I can provide more assistance. I'd love to help, but I simply can't. For some I've never had any hands on experience concerning this subject...
I know about the number of obgyn issues you describe and I personally know a number of women that were affected.
You shouldn't give up though. Maybe there is a gynecologist that you can have a longer check up with, just to figure this thing out.
If you feel the need to see a doctor about this, and you probably should, just go. It's the health of your body, not theirs. Gynecologist know about this sort of issue and can probably help you get help; either from them or from a specialist. I remember the old FMU talking about this subject.
>this is just how its going to be forever.
No, it's not. If you want to get this thing fixed you can!
My I'd will be different but I've been around. I was sexually used from age 2 to 13. Been having consentual sex for for for about 9 years. I've definetly tried it all. I never really cared about not getting off but now that I'm with my life partner, I really want to feel something. It's disappointing for both of us.
The only other thing is like, if I have to go to someone else I don't think its going to happen as long as I'm still on my parents insurance. If its my normal gyno then I can just play it off as "my periods are whack" or my BC is acting up. IDK how much it would cost out of pocket, if it's even possible, but I'm a broke college student who has no money of my own, its all my parents money really. I really don't want to have the conversation with my parents "Hey I'm seeing this specialist because I can't get laid and desperately want to have and enjoy sex."
They would probs not be on board with it anyways since, I'm the baby of the family and eternally 13 years old to them. My dad already shit his pants last week because I went on a date and he can't comprehend the fact I'm 20 years old and he cannot actually tell me I'm not allowed to see boys anymore.
It's a miracle I was ever even allowed to get on the pill as a teenager, and even then it was purely due to how abnormal, sporadic, and heavy my cycles were.
Like most things in my life, it just feels like just another thing that needs to be put on the back burner until I'm financially independent.
I can relate to some of your sentiments.
I would suggest talking to your mother about this, she'll understand that it's important for you to be able to experience sex like everyone else. She should at least be able to see why you want to figure this out.
The insurance part of your question is something that I can't answer for you since I have no idea what plan you are on or what country you live in. Some countries will cover treatment or help with vaginismus because they view it as vitally important that a women is sexually healthy. And think about it like this; even if you had to pay some of the costs out of the pocket would you rather live the rest of your life with vaginismus?
Getting referred to the right kind of specialist that's 'on your side' can also help a great deal, so look for one with your GP.
I guess. I just don't want to be in my 30's and still in the dating game because I spent my whole prime in sex therapy for my broken vagina. But I guess the alternative is never dating ever because I did nothing for my broken vagina.
All my other friends are wedding planning and I've been single since my junior year of high school. I'm already so late in the game because of this sex shit, I'm the only virgin I know left. And the older I get the less cute and exciting my virginity is and becomes more weird and questionable. Just feels like I'm racing the clock to have a normal functional life.
You shouldn't feel rushed to lose your virginity because you are 20. It's much more important to have healthy relationships and to find the right person to be with. Believe me, I know how difficult these things are. You should also know that there are a lot of virgin women on 4chan that can relate to your feeling of 'racing against the clock to a normal life'.
Please look into getting treatment. It's only going to become more difficult and awkward as you age. Everyone deserves to enjoy sex.
You are welcome, and I agree with you. /soc/ can be a great place just to post about some of the issues you can't deal with on your own.
Vadge sensitivity's a funny thing. Knowing how (and being able) to press your buttons will usually mean fuckall if your head's not in the right place at the time and vice versa.
The mental part really is important and unfortunately seems to be what trips most of us up from the get go. It's mostly to do with mindset. Always getting told that the majority of us can't -- not even won't, but just outright straight up *can't* -- orgasm from penetration and to expect sex to hurt like hell in the beginning while failing to mention it gets better is totally not fucking helping matters there lol but that's a whole different discussion. The main thing to take away from it now is that yes, if you're nervous, apprehensive, resigned, etc, then the experience is prob gonna be kinda/pretty/entirely crap BUT! But but but... being relaxed and being aroused (i.e. the most common bits of advice given to gals who have trouble getting off) really ain't got shit to do with each other.
Feeling relaxed and willing is of course going to be greatly helpful, just don't equate being in that state with being aroused. Think about it -- if you hadn't been all worried and shit in the first place, relaxed wouldn't be anything special. It'd just be baseline. Chilled out and "okay...this maybe isn't going to suck" is not arousal. Excited and "FUCK YEAH LET'S DO THIS!!!" is arousal.
As for vibes and how stuff feels and all that, quick breakdown of my own "stuff", in order of discovery:
>my fingers rubbing my clit feels good; hasn't got a chance in hell of getting me off
>electric toothbrush feels exponentially better; still no dice
>humping random shit is good for a laugh and not much else
>similarly, the occasional "will it fit?" game satisfies only my curiosity
>bullet vibes are hilarious when accidentally powered on while still in the drawer and are otherwise pointless
>big fuckoff back massager my best friend hijacked from her mom = welcome to the world of orgasming
>fingers that aren't mine rubbing my clit can sometimes get me to cum
>fingering myself feels like nothing usually; getting fingered can make me cum
>oral ranges from bored to lolwtf to fuck yes don't stop
>sex makes me cum just about every time; orgasm feels comparatively (vs clit vibe) less intense in the way it fractures and vaporizes all your conscious thoughts and other sentient crap, more intense on the localised stimulated-nerve-endings body level if it's a really good one, doesn't do the radiating outwards and all over thing as much (if at all), and has this full on distinct other dimension of I don't even know what from the shared emotional connection part
>tantra is a whole new multi-flavored layer of fun to explore
>dildos/insertable vibes will on very rare occasion add to the masturbatory excitement a little bit but overall they essentially felt like nothing too
>...until I added skype and a certain someone to the equation; in that context they began to kick ass and make me cum buckets
>last night we tried out a hitachi wand insertable attachment head thing; my expectations were low because with penetration it's always been the thrusting that gets me off and not any vibrations; damn thing nearly killed me, it was pretty fucking awesome
>whether it's as explosively paralyzing and wonderful during solo sessions where I'm working the controls myself remains to be seen
IDK OP, the way I see it, everyone is different. For me, my hands with my clit work better than anything ever, but I've tried a Hitachi Magic Wand before and fell in love. I've tried all sorts of different sex toys and none of them have really worked quite as well. I also prefer fingering over intercourse, but that's because it fucking hurts for me. (No matter if there is lube or not)
>75% of women cannot orgasm from PIV.
Is that even true?
"will not" I'll believe. but "can not"? i'm skeptical.
in the legs on shoulders position if the guy is strong enough, and the girl fit enough, should work. it's about flattening the insides of the vaginal dermis against the epidermis thus the cock.
if you're fat, or a desensitized slut then it may not work, obviously. but I think it could work for most women at least once in their life.
Yeah, according to all data so far. It's a reliably studied score - and often tends to be higher than that, actually. it tends to be between 75%-90%; and the 'lower end' of that is from the Kinsey studies in the 40's-50's, which ended up including some incidental clitoral stimulation as opposed to pure vaginal.
Doesn't really mean a whole lot though, because it's super fucking easy to just stimulate the clitoris. There's a lot of positions that help provide clitoral stimulation, and legs on shoulders (as you suggested) allows for easy manual stimulation.
Going to raise an eyebrow at your assertion at the end that the only way someone isn't going to get off from that is to be 'fat' or a 'desensitized slut'. Especially that last one. The fuck, dude?
A lot of guys don't even go down ever at all. I wonder this as well. Why am I expected to suck your dick but eating my pussy is optional? These days I won't even fuck with a guy that doesn't eat pussy and I def want/expect it the first time. I'll actively ask for it if I have to but nothing is hotter than a guy just going for it himself oy vey
Moral of story: ladies, just let him eat you out