Let's be sad together. Post whatever you want let your feelings

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Had severe deppression for 6 years and it has basically ruined my life. Trying to make it better but how to put energy in stuff when no energy?

>>23112824
>don't be me
>21 trying to find my way in life
>virgin
>meet qt3.14 gril
>we hit it off and have dinner
>I take her home after our first date
>my first date
>ever
>I walk her to her door and we talk for a bit till she stops me
>"yea you aren't my type, friend made a bet with me."
>"you look like one of those serial killers lol k bai!" (Not exact quotes)
>she walked in and I just stood there for a bit before driving home.
>sat down with my dog and I kinda just laid there for awhile.
This was yesterday, life blows.

Girlfriend of 3-years broke up with me. We worked at different times of the day for a while, and it sucked because we never got to see each other. I turned down a very nice job advancement in lieu of spending more time with her. She just decided to toss me. Sucks, but, that's life. I feel numb, but I hope I can be considered for the position I turned down

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>>23112877
Holy shit anon that sucks.
It makes me so fucking angry i wanna perform some feminism and break their fucking jaw.

Let's hope shit gets better anon.

>stories about your ex's

What's sad about me is that I've scarcely experienced sadness, I don't have anyone to lose, never did. I'm not the autist that everyone points and sniggers at when in public, nor am I the opposite, I just blend in completely.

I'm about average, maybe a little bit below average looking according to my experience trying social media outside of /soc/ and IRL.

I post on /soc/ quite often, there will be weeks where I post daily until I take a break for a while. I'm poised to become the next Brandon, and the sad thing is I don't even care. 4chan is kinda most my social interaction and is my home as sad at that sounds. I know this board is normie as fuck but I feel the compulsion to post my face all over on /soc/ like I'm not yet content with completely disappearing into "Anon" yet.

Nothing will ever stop my feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and sadness because I feel they're justified.

>>23112860
I'm sorry anon I kinda understand the aspect of a disorder ruining your social life.
>>23112898
I hope you can get that job!
>>23112903
Yea I had a lot of those thoughts lol but I let it go, atleast she didn't drag it on.

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>>23112898
That sucks anon.
I've never had a gf, got no education or a real job.
I have great friends but how much will that help when you have no1 to go to bed with or just embrace.
>>23112913
i feel you bro.

>>23112918
Thanks for the kind wishes, I hope so too.
>>23112923
Thanks as well. You'll find a a good gal worth your time. Don't fall too heavily for the first. 'though my (now) ex-girlfriend wasn't my first, she was one of the first girls I ever really had a crush on... so this is kind of... well, it sucks. Lol

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>>23112930
I'm not a kissless virgin, i just can't find girls interested in me.

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>>23112940
In my room.

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>Bullied from 2nd to fifth grade by random kids because I was a sperg
>Don't have many friends
>Middle school happens and my fraternal twin brother starts bullying me with his friends everyday
>Spend half my time at home crying and thinking about killing myself and the other half reading, playing vidya, and doing schoolwork
>Bullying dies down a bit after my dad threatens to kick him out if he doesn't knock it off
>Start making friends in 8th grade
>Things start looking up a bit during high school
>Get into mock trial, put effort into gym class and put off weight and realize I am a good runner
>Get into relationship with crazy girl two years younger than me
>She starts going psycho
>Starts hearing voices and telling me if she doesn't do as they say then bad things will happen
>If I don't let her cut me she says she'll die
>Cuts me
>Parents find out from marks on my leg
>Tell me to break up with her
>Be an idiot and don't listen
>Things get worse over time
>She starts making more demands of me
>I have to do things I am not sexually comfortable with or else she will harm herself or me
>She attempts suicide a couple of times
>Eventually break up because she gets bored of me and she probably cheated
>Have nightmares for the past 4 years
That sums it up for me. At least the worst of it.

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>>23113004
i usually have so good dreams that i never want to wake up
And my first interaction with a girl was when i was fifteen she wanted me to make her pregnant, after i said "fuck that shit is crazy yo"
she said "we shouldn't see each other anymore"

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>>23113022
I used to have good dreams. Then that relationship happened and my sleep hasn't been the same. It has gotten better, but it still has bad spells where I wake up 3-4 times a night. I used to wake up 5-6 times a night most nights during 11th grade, my worst night being about 15 times. That is pretty crazy. Why did she want to get pregnant? Just hormones?

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>>23113052
>"i think i would be a good mother"

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>>23113058
She sounds very impulsive. What did she like about you that made her want you to father her child?

21/M/virgin
my english isnt really great, so ignore the mistakes, plox
Kinda handsome, I would say
15yo first kiss through pure social pression. The girl had a crush on me, but i didnt like her that much. That was it. Not much to think about.

16-18 years were good, I was constantly staying with one old friend, who i really thought i liked. We didnt go in a single date whatsoever, we would only stay together at parties. I have not yet come into terms with myself if I really liked/like her or not (in a passionate way), but anyway it didnt work (Im still her friend, but now we`re weird with eachother =/. We`re still both jealous of each other tho).
I manage to hook up with some girls in my school who i found really attractive, but none of the cases went further. I did what i though would lead me to sex, but I couldnt feel horny. Had my first sex opportunity with a girl i didnt like at all, and I failed to went further, which led me to believe it was because i had a bad image of her as an individual.
Well, case closed. When i was eighteen i entered university. These were dusk times. I had no one to share affection with, so I just didnt even think about it. Im not a party guy, so there werent many opportunities too. I focused mostly on playing online games with my Highschool friends (we are 4 dudes that know each other for years).
About two years later, around july/15 I had a talk with one of my friends (my closest friend at the time, the one who i played with the most) about how we were throwing our lives aways sitting in front of a computer all day. We should get out of our confort zone, who was drowning us, then we could really live. He asked me if i didnt see all the gaming this way, if I really wasnt bothered by it. ANd it was obvious. I was really fucking unhappy about the path my life was taking.
1/4

>>23113074
And he was the first person ever who I opened myself to. I told him everything: how miserable i felt, and that i had no expectations or dreams. How insecure i was about my graduating course, and how i really had no idea which area i would follow. I told him that my love life was inexistant, but it wasnt because i was just overly ugly or akward, it was because I couldnt get to terms with my sexual identity.

That day i started thinking/caring about myself. I started questioning why the fuck I wouldnt like no one, started asking if I could be gay and I just wouldnt let myself acknowledge it. You see, i`ve always looked upon some guys, but as I never even think of it as an possibility, i really had locked that door. Well, i came to a conclusion that it was probably it. Yeah, i was gay. That being said, i thought the first step i had to take was to tell my homies, who would help me through the fog i was in. I did it, and it all went really fine.

The thing is, I was still complety confused (still am). I never kissed a dude, and had no idea how i could make it happen. I never had a gay friend, and there werent many gays in my specialization course. So the second semester of 2015 consisted of me and my friend (the one who snaped me out of it) hanging out togheter, trying to do different programs, who would lead us to acquire diverse life experience and live memorable moments.It was fucking great. Even if we didnt find any events, we would just hang out togheter and chill/[;ay some music and chat. We were both getting trough hard times (he had, earlier in that year, had been dumped by a girl who meant the world to him), and the fact that we had each other was truly reconforting.

Then the feelings started to appear. Suddenly i started noticing how beautiful he was, and what a perfect couple that we could be. But well, he was straight. He is straight. But i couldnt run from it. We had a strike on our university, so we spent 3 months side by side, everyday.

2/4

>>23113083
Anyway, the feelings started growing inside of me. I would really try to deny them, but he was the only individual who i shared a connection that strong before, and i just thought of him as a complete perfect human being. Well, it didnt take long for me to start checking him up - sexually. I was finally horny, but for this straight guy, my straight BEST FRIEND. It was really fucking hard to control myself. I have always been too much of a discreet person, so i really dont know if he ever noticed it. I think not. Anyway,fuck, things were really screwed up.

I was madly in love with his person, his kindness and wilingness to aid others. Madly in love with his smile, and the way that he would talk to you just one palm away from your face. The urge to kiss him during these talks is fucking terrifying, It leads to an agonizing pain filled with guilt, every single time. I can watch him sleeping for hours and hours, creepy as fuck.
I switched on a glimpse from a cold hearted guy to an extremely sentimental one. I was fucking shocked. I AM fucking shocked. ANd I am deadly afraid of destroying our friendship. Im trying to get some distance so I can get this fantasized image of him out of my head, but its really difficult. Not only due to the fact that I really like to be with him just to hear the sound of his voice, but that we are REALLY close, and he studies right beside me. I see him more than three times a week for sure, and its hard to just ignore him. He had suffered way more then me in his last relationship, plus some problems with studies, and he isnt the guy with a lot of friends to turn to. Im important to him, and I dont want to let him down. But still, i was getting really depressed. Started having trouble sleeping and anxiety problems, i couldnt stop thinking of him.

And it hasnt changed much since. I stopped playing games with him, and im avoiding having dinner together, but thats about it.
3/4

>>23113093
Luckly one of my University friends came out to me a month ago - and then vice-versa - and helped me a lot since i finally had someone to talk to about how i would feel, someone who could understand that. And i had a session with a sexual teraphist who helped me clear my mind, and Im eager for a second appointment.

And yeah, I talked with him about his feeling for girls/guys, seeing if there were any possibilities. He says that he doesnt get attracted by genres, but that he simply doesnt like cocks. But he is thrilled by the idea of liking a man, still. Not that he does/ is capable of.
4/4

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>>23113071
We had german together so iufukinkno

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>>23113102
>>23113093
>>23113083
>>23113074
Bruh... i think i'm kinda like him. i would LOVE to be gay but it's just not a choice ykno

>>23113102

I hope something works out for you... My Ex-boyfriend started out as my best, BEST friend.... Before becoming my lover for 5 years.... Before he dumped me...
And I'm a gay guy as well...

I usually don't post on /soc/ but this is the only thread that's not fetish/hookup/rate related, and people seem cool here.

I need to get something off my chest, so here goes:

I feel very empty, like nothing matters. I'm not depressed or suicidal, I just feel like there is a hole that can't be filled.

I don't have many friends and all my interests are half-hearted. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I tried getting interested in religion, but even though I like the idea of God, I can't fully commit because too many things hold me back from fully believing.

I used to be really into video games when I was younger, but even though I try to keep up with modern gaming, I get bored 1/4th into every game I try to play. I've bought than turned around and sold both Xbone and PS4, and than I built myself a killer gaming pc and bought all kinds of games only to find it doesn't really interest me.

I find myself being interested in things for brief moments only research and understand the bare minimum(enough to hold a brief conversation) but than I lose the drive to find out anything deeper.

I used to have some "dude-bro" friends that I could discuss and play sports with, watch and discuss movies, anime, tv, etc with, but those things couldn't hold my interest any longer, and I moved away and found my friendships didn't last.

I can't take politics seriously because I don't agree with the views and hate the general "spin" and hypocrisy of most people who identify with any "party", and I don't feel strongly enough either way on any major "issue".

I've tried filling the hole with temporary "fun" things but it just made me feel more empty after.

I'm not purposefully trying to sound depressing or anything, these are some of my honest thoughts and I thank you for taking the time to read them.

>>23113460
I don't think you ARE sounding depressing. Your world view very much aligns with mine, with one key difference.

I found myself feeling a lot of the same things, losing friends the same way, and constantly dropping hobbies. I used to thing there was something fundamentally flawed with my brain.

Then one day, something clicked. Yes, I felt like nothing mattered and was losing interest in everything. However, if you look at it the other way, nothing matters and you are not stuck in a rut. I became a sort of Hedonist. Not in the sense that I'm fat (only 150 pounds or so) or doing some crazy Roman sex stuff, but in the sense that I was, from that point forward, only interested in things that gave me joy. Now, I bounce from thing to thing and have a lust for life. There are so many things I haven't experienced! Until a few weeks ago, I had never eaten a puffin. Now, I can say that I ate one of those little fuckers and they were tasty!

>>23112877
Checked.

I'm sorry to hear that anon. Some women can be cruel. Things will get better. Just keep your head up.

>>23112898
I'm sure you were too good for her. You will get that promotion and it will be great.

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I'm feeling really lost. After a bad relationship with a verbally abusive girlfriend, I don't really know where to go in life. I'm in some community college for electrical engineering in the smallest state in the US and I work part time to pay for medical bills from my suicide attempt. I feel I need to get my shit together and move to another state and just try to be a little more happy. I'm not depressed now or even before. I just don't see a future for myself after 30.

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>awkward cubby kid from ages 1-17
>late puberty slims me up/ I become more physically attractive
>kiss a couple of different girls
>fast forward 4 years
>senior in college
>not one hookup in college
>not a single date

I have plenty of friends from both sexes. I have been hit on by women, and men. Im objectively probably an 7-8, 9-10 to certain people. I'm not awkward, people assume I'm not a virgin, and ask me for advice on dating/fitness/fashion and I lie out my ass speaking through "experience" when in reality I only speak what I've read. I feel so alone, and I feel like I'm living a lie because most of my friends now assume so many things about me about being experienced, when in reality I don't know nothing. The fuck is wrong with me?

I'm a humongous and impulsive nymphomaniac and I love my boyfriend with every piece of my heart and soul but he doesn't and hasn't been, no matter how many times I ask and beg and try he just doesn't seem to get the fact I want his attention much more than he gives, along with a lot of intimacy. He loves being intimate with me and has a similar sex drive to mine, but he's just so focused on doing other things it's hard not to try and find another source for attention and the desired intimacy without leaving or cheating on him. I personally find how desperate I am for sex and attention pretty self-demeaning. Any kind of self pleasure isn't enough and I don't feel fulfilled, but he's such a sweet and loving man I don't feel like I could ever possibly leave him. It's taking every ounce of love I have for him not to slut out and just go on a spree. I feel horrible about myself.

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I'm not really lonely, just wondering if I'll ever find 'that' person. I'd rather die alone having the few good friends I have, rather than being with someone I don't really 'love'. Maybe I'm not compatible, I know I'm fukt.

I recently suffered from psychosis that lasted almost an entire week before my mom forced me into a behavioural clinic. Throughout the entire time I became very delusional and felt that everyone was my enemy..even close friends I'd known for years. I wasn't sleeping or eating much and generally stayed up all night talking to myself, my dead dad, and doing other psycho shit. I also thought I was 12 at one point and that my sister's boyfriend just tried to molest me. By the time I got out and recovered, no one really wanted to talk to me anymore. I can't even remember half of the stuff I said or did in that state but apparently it was some pretty crazy stuff. I've lost most of my friends scared off qt guy I had been talking to for months. I'm moving soon and hoping to restart. Good times.

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I am an addict with depression and the chronic lack of self control kills me. I have been sober for a year but even now its always a cycle. My day goes like this.
>wake up
>put on pants with no boxers that were lying next to bed, wallet still inside
>put on a sweater, beanie
>put on shoes with no socks
>walk to gas station a block away
>grab monster, a banana, a cliff bar and a pack of smokes
>walk home
>stare at the tv not feeling in the mood to do anything with the brand new computer i just bought/made
>it put me into a little debt, didnt think it through, impulsive buy
>thought it would make my insides feel a little better, was wrong
>best part was making the thing
>go out on balcony
>smoke 2 cigarettes while sipping on that yung monster ultra zero mlg shit, make me go fast dood
>in reality just sit outside and stare at cars thinking "if my insides get any worse death is going to feel the same as life, empty and colorless. Maybe id be better off"
>shake it off
>strip on the way to bathroom
>shit, brush teeth, wash face, comb hair, deodorant, cologne, everything but an actual shower
>find a button up shirt with no stains or weird smells, find not used boxers/socks, put on tie
>febreeze everything to be sure that nobody can smell the fact that I hate myself and I want to die a little
>decide ill put cartoons/anime on as backround noise while I stare at the wall and eat my banana and cliff bar
>walk 6 blocks downtown to work at coffee shop
>Im always on the bar because Im better than everyone else at it
>robot mode for 8 hours, get off, collect 30 in tips
>stop at jimmy johns on walk home and get 2 #5s with extra onion and a little mayo, tip (even though im not supposed to) because they remember every time
>this always makes me smile a little
>walk home
>strip
>4chan while eating jimmies
>compulsively fap without even having a boner
>lay down/turn on anime just for the noise while i try to fall asleep facing the wall
>the noise helps empty my mind
>sleep

>>23112824
>don't have sex since highschool
>November 2015
>Hook up with chick on Tinder
>We fuck
>Of course I came VERY quick but I kept going, ate her out, got hard again kept going
>Tells me it was great
>Know she enjoyed herself, was honest to goodness orgasms she was having
>Assure her I am not looking for anything serious like she is, and if she wants to hook up give me a shout
>Says "Oh I am hitting you up again" smiles and leaves my car
>Don't hear anything for weeks
>Text her, tell her I am free to hang out if she wants
>"OH yeah sorry anon been busy with school, should be free this weekend"
That was early December, I mean I understand it's a stupid thing to complain about but I really did enjoy myself and she really seemed to enjoy herself...shame we haven't hooked up since. I really did like her, shared a lot of my views, liked all the shit I like (it's impossible to meet someone who likes Metal Gear as much as I do) was kinda hoping maybe fucking around would lead to something more...I don't know. Just tired of feeling unwanted...

im depressed af mostly because im 99% of the time alone with crippling social anxiety. my only friend is my boyfriend who lives hours away and is moving to the east coast at the end of the year and im going to be stuck here at school with no job prospects because lack of motivation and attention span
oh yeah and im eating all my feelings too

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>25/m
>Look like I just got out of high school
>Started my first semester of college this week
>Barely talked to anyone except for group discussions
>In these group discussions, almost let my sperginess get the best of me; can barely form complete and comprehensible sentences
>Go home after class, watch redlettermedia to pretend that I have friends and drink myself to sleep

>>23113460
What's your contact info
You sound like someone I want to be friends with

I discovered 4chan eleven years ago. Had friends before but never great friends. I felt more in tune to people on this site than anywhere before, and have since had hardly any social life. I'm in the best shape financially and physically I've ever been recently but am depressed because the girl I crushed on is getting married and I'm alone. I'm good to my co-workers, help/encourage them when they need it and listen to their shit and given advice but recently I've felt like I need to vent and nobody is there for me, and it pisses me off. I've never asked for or expected anything from them before but when I want to let shit out for once and they can't be bothered then they can fuck right off.

It just sucks though because I have this crappy mood because everyone in my life is a shitty human being to me so I come across as a shitty human being to the new people I meet and can't seem to fake it well enough to cross the point where I meet someone decent and have faith in them. It's a damn catch-22 and I'm at the point where I'm contemplating taking anti-depressants just to care enough to meet people.

Today was supposed to be our second year anniversary, but we didn't make it. We simply aren't good for each other right now, not as partners at least. Only as friends.

I won't work regularly again until March, and college starts in March as well (southern hemisphere.) I'm renting a room because I can't afford an apartment for the time being.

And I've got huge self-esteem and weak self-image (borderline-related.) I'm trying very hard not to crack down, and I'm doing fine.

I just want to wake up and be in March, when the summer's gone and I can have a normal routine again. Who knows, maybe if I like myself I can be with him again...

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>>23112877

Wow she sounds like a fucking cunt. You dodged a bullet for sure. Cute or not that bitch is self absorbed.

>>23114299
ugh huge self-esteem ISSUES, ofc it's understandable from context but I hate making mistakes on my posts.

I was looking for a baww thread on /b/ but this will do.

>>23114202
I understand. My ex seems to have the same problem, he's totally nice to people (or used to be) but they were so mean to him he became colder and distant. Don't become bitter because of some assholes.

>>23114020
Bottling up is not good. Take care.

>>23113929
Been here so many times... guys always find me "too intense" or "too out there," My ex was the only guy who didn't wuss out. And now I'm obssessed with some moron who doesn't even read my messages on Facebook and who told he thought I was "too energetic" because of something his ex told him. Yeah.

>>23113742
Hey, I was in a ward for 2 months in 2011. Psychotic break and manic episode. My then friends rejected me. But it gets better. Sometimes you just need a restart. And fuck the people who don't support you.

>>23113460
The harsh truth is this is your fault. You are fucking up right now. The problem is you, not the world, and the damage you are doing to the people around you that love and care about you is irreversible. More importantly, you are making yourself a lesser person by choice.

The world isn't about you trying to fill the hole you feel with whatever. You have to do other kind of "fun" things. Maybe learn something useful: become a contributing member of society, or at least of your family. In the way you will feel better about yourself and then find something you feel truly passionate about. It may be artistic or not, but you should definitely be doing you feel proud of in the meantime.

Stop circlejerking about how much of a mess you are in /soc/. Go out and create some character. Stop caring about the idea of who you think you are, because this "shyness" is just making you a boring person to be with. Dare to potentially make someone angry. Be louder about your opinions. It doesn't really matter if you make friends or not, because you will regardless. Don't say you aren't trying to hide anything, because you know you are.

Depression is a real issue, but you don't seem to have it. Everyone gets sad sometimes. Embrace the fact that this doesn't make you special.

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>be me
>NEET
>practically robot
>weab trash, collecting figures and shit
>meet gorgeous ginger /v/irgin at school into pretty much all the same disgusting shit
>fall madly in love
>for some cosmic coincedence start dating
>she's everything I wanted and more, a little self concious but I love her
>perfect relationship for 2 years, just seeing each other
>spend days fucking / cuddling / playing vidya / cosplaying
>she pushes me to stop being a NEET get into college
>I make it into my program of choice, she gets a job
>starts complaining I have no time for her because I'm trying to focus on schoolwork
>she's busy with her job all the time so whenever I do have time she was busy
>she loathes all of my friends and berates me for spending time with them
>leaves me for some fuckboy classmate of hers because she says she feels unappreciated and taken for granted right before christmas and my birthday
>try to contact her over new years, she blocks me on facebook


I loved with all of my heart for 2 years and man, she ruined my fucking holiday like crazy. Haven't really left the bed in 2 weeks over this shit. Have no idea how to get out of this rut. I have no fucking clue how I landed the first girl. I've never even kissed another girl other than her so I'm unsure where to go.

>>23113608
I almost lost someone perfect this way and it isn't worth it. Talk to him if you aren't already. It sounds like you have real love. Hang in there and find a way to manage your desires together. He'll understand and appreciate how much you want to stay with him.

>tfw I can attract girls but as soon as I open my mouth they run away.

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>>23114394
>>that feel

Redheads man. I have a similar story

>>I'm an awkward /v/irgin weeaboo, in last year of school
>>suddenly people want to date me for some reason
>>been crushing on a girl in my class for 4 years or so, she has auburn hair
>>her cuter, petite sister with better taste in everything starts showing interest in me
>>she confesses and we end up dating for a year
>>fuck a lot, smoke a lot of weed, listen to shoegaze while fucking, wine in the park ect
>>she helps me with my meds (thats the most intimate thing for me to be honest)
>>make it into music school
>>the summer before I leave we go to a music festival together
>>as soon as we get there she is cold as fuck
>>don't see her for the whole weekend, until we see Bombay bicycle club together("our" band)
>>she doesn't look at me, she doesn't say a word
>>pushes my hand away
>>my heart breaks into tiny little pieces while I'm watching a band I love
>>later find out she was fucking my best friend as well
>>not only have I lost the woman I love but also a brother

Still thinking about it often, but kinda numb to it now.

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>>23114722
That's too fucking real man. How long ago was that?
I'm trying to get to that stage where I'm numb to it but everytime I think of her I just think of her blowing another dude and I get sad as all fuck
I miss cuddling my girl

>>23113925
I remember you from a thread about a month ago and I talked to you about Starbucks. I hope things look up for you soon <3

>>23114722
woah right in the feels

>>23113088
howdafuq r you supposed to read that?

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Insomnia is kind of ruining me and recently I've gotten pretty depress. I feel like I'm "half there" all the time. It's starting to ruin relationships that I have because I just can't keep up with out is going on with my friends and family. I constantly feel sick, which causes me to stay in a lot. Also, whenever I do get any sleep, it's usually only like 4 hours after a couple days of being awake. I'm starting to look more and more worn everyday I'm awake
>pic related
I'm even starting to develop these lines underneath my eyes like I'm fucking 40 years old or something

please just kill me or hug me, anything will suffice

I'll read through some of your guise's entries and see what I can do to help. You guys are beautiful

I am 19 and i have feelings for this girl, she has feelings for me too, the problem here is that she is afraid of getting into a relationship again since she has scars from the past, she already thinks that its not gonna work and she likes me too much too hurt me....

>>23115698
Go see a doctor and talk to them about zopiclone

>>23115698
you look 12 dude, relax.

>>23115698
This isn't a rate thread gingy you're in the wrong place
10/10 either way ily dude

>>23114979
lol thats pretty sad eh? Post here so often people recognize me. Quit starbucks yet?

>>23116182
I recognized you because you're a bit like me
I wake up, put a hoodie on - no bra, no shirt -, grab my dirty apron and throw on whatever khakis have the least stains on them, no underwear of course. I normally just eat food from work that we're going to throw away.
Haven't quit because I actually do enjoy the job. Overworked myself during the holidays but made a ton of money; going to make a very small dent in my massive amount of debt

>Two friends tried to OD
>I've attempted suicide twice this year, some cunt in the sky doesn't want me to die.
>Turned to drugs to dull my emotions
>I'm sad for no fucking reason.
>Failing classes because of sadness and drugs
>Drugs are the only thing that make me happy, but are also the ones causing my mind to break
>Don't know what the fuck to do.
>Try helping and making people laugh.
>...I want to die, but he won't let me.

>>23115698
Aw, gingi. I'd caress you with my trouser snake until you fall into a coma...I mean peaceful sleep.

>>23112824

Broke of with my girlfriend of one year. Dunno why I stayed with her so long, she never really seemed into the relationship. I guess she was just really cute and fun to be around, and the sex was good.

She never really liked me, was kind of ashamed of me, and wouldn't want me around her friends. At one point we were basically glorified FWB, which I didn't want, and she started looking for the opportunity to meet someone else and leave, which happened after a huge argument that made us break contact.

I met a girl three years ago. She was wonderful, fun and cute. Was I in love with her? I don't really know. Maybe I was, maybe not, but I wanted to make her happy. She was always depressed, It was very hard to make her happy, but I did my best. I don't know if she was really happy, but I did my best.

But I'm not a stable person, I have some times where I act strange and where I may hurt other people without knowing. So, 4 months ago, she left me. I heard she said I was fucked up, and she thinks I was manipulating her.

But I really liked, or loved her. I miss her so hard, even if I'm mad because I tried to help her even when I was feeling bad. I can't hate her, and I always worry about her happyness, even if she won't speak to me anymore.

I met you 3 years ago, my sweet little Snow White, and Big bro is missing you.

>>23116909
>Snow White

That's so sweet. I can only imagine what you're going through.

>>23116966
She was cuter than Snow White, and she was pale with white hairs, so I called her Snow White one time. I used to call her with another nickname, but I won't post it here.

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I doubt that anyone will read this.
I mean why would you? I didn't read any of yours.
These thoughts in this miserable head have compelled me to at write.
So pardon the future angsty, psychotic banter, for it is pulled from the root of pure monologue.

I know what today is and recognize that it's real.
Which has often, been a formidable task more then naught..

Today was bad. Today was very, very bad.
Which I'm sure according to all of you, would be quite comparable to an average nightmare.
For you see, I according to the line of head doctors, suffer from severe manic depression, anxiety disorder, hypermania, dissociative disorder, moderate to severe schizophrenia and violent gender dysphoria.

But fuck. Despite the demons that reside in my head,best attempt for me to kill myself.
I'm still alive for another moment.

At some times, I convince myself that it will get better.
That the man who has stood by you despite his mistakes, despite his flaws and own fears.
He's always been there.

But the depression tells me I'm better off alone, dead, and not a burden.
But the anxiety tells me: the journey is to hard and will be fraught with even more emotional pain.
That the schizophrenia will get so bad, that the voices which now are an tolerable scream, will become a constant hellish roar.
That the dissociative disorder will render me a walking, mindless cationic shell.
That the gender dysphoria will become severe, that the only option is for the extreme sharpness of a scalpel.

But I've gotten way ahead of myself, dived to deep into the psyche with a prologue as to why I posted.

I work. I sleep, rarely. I eat just as much. The love of my life is over three thousand miles away, and I'm in danger of losing my job...

Why you ask?
Because this broken, sweet, misunderstood lunatic has a target the size of Jupiter on her back.

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I was confronted about things I had no belief in.
Subjected to their abusive scrutiny.
So much so, that I lost my ability to keep my composure and began to cry in front of both my superiors.

I twitched, I convulsed. I wanted to rip their throats wide open.
Til they were but great gaping red maws of horror, spewing their filthy hateful blood onto the floor.

But sorrow was my truth in their reflections.

I fear I'll lose my job.
It's the only thing keeping this sick girl alive and stable.
For the time isn't right for the final journey, or is it?
Pressure pushes me in this direction, cruel are my constant circumstances.

The voices are screaming again amongst the tears.
"Kill yourself!"
"Eat your shit and drown others in its vile mess!"
"Fuck and rape the young, drink their blood!"
"Remove your skin and be free!"


It's hard you know.

Dealing with the voices, the anxiety, and all the rest.
It's eroded all sense of self and personal worth.

The stress, the fear and the misery.

I fear that I may lose myself in the thick, inky blackness and do something very bad.

The monsters want to be free....

>>23114144
I have a kik if you use that.

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First thread i've started that took off.
Hope someone finds someone they can talk to! :)

>>23117571
I do, what is your Kik
>>23117372
You , too.

>>23117571
FYI, I am >>23114144, my ID changed.

>>23117732
sure. its legitalpha

>>23117732
I don't use kik really
i use skype.
but i guess we can kik if you don't have skype

18/f. Been looking for a job since 16 and still can't get hired. Almost got two very good jobs recently but because of my college schedule, they won't hire me. It's either my schedule isn't right or I don't have enough experience. Starting to get super depressed and I don't even know where to look anymore. Cried myself to sleep last night, feels bad man.

>been obese since eight years old
>only person in life was an alcoholic
>not much in the way of parenting
>grow up with no friends
>finally make some friends online just last year
>cherish them a lot
>decide to better myself so I'm not embarrassing to be around if we ever get to meet
>find out it's easy as heck and feel great for the first time in my life
>happiness slowly fades because I realize I'm going to look like shit anyway from being obese entire life
>all I think about is how I'm not going to be able to afford surgery

Even worse is one of my friends confessed he had feelings for me even though he knew I was heavy. I tried saying I might need surgery because my breasts and thighs were so massive, but he didn't seem to understand and told me to stop being so self-conscious. I wasn't able to outright say I think I'm going to have floppy tits and excess skin. Goddamnit.

M19
I was 18 back then. Was deppresed as fuck. Just wanted to sleep all day. Life is pointless and boring. Felt lonely. My friend ask me if want to go to his party. Yeah, why not? Huge mistake...
He picks me up we drive to his party. Yeah he left just for me. 3 cute girls are there. She comes up to me and sits down on my lap. First time a girl is sitting on my lap. Wtf is going on. I kinda want to hug her. But i dont because my friend told me that he wants her and he was out for a cigarette at that moment. Later that night i get her number. Write her the next day. She writes perverted stuff. I am kinda shocked and didnt write her anymore. See her again 3 months later. Nothing special. Talk a little. She seems so cute. I kinda get feelings. 5 months passes. See her again. She runs up to me and hugs me. Magical moment. My chest was so warm. Great feeling. She asks me alot of stuff. I give her short stupid answers. She stops flirting with me. I feel sad and stupid. One month passes. I finally tell her about my feelings. She says that she doenst think it would work with us. Feel even more depressed. Wtf did i do?? I hate love fucking disgusting feeling

>>23117833
Welp, we've talked before.
>>23117921
I don't really use Skype I'm sorry.

>>23113052
I don't know about you, but the worst dreams I have are of me being happy. I wake up only wishing to go back, wishing that my life were the dream and my dream were reality.

>>23116212
my kik is i_am_ded if you are interested in talking more

WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO FIND PUSSY TO EAT. I'm fit, not old, attractive, and I just want to eat some pussy. Doesn't even have to be reciprocated, but women are pretending like they're immaculate.

Diagnosed with depression but don't want to take medication. The only thing that actually works is med cannabis but I still haven't found the formula that allows me to get through my day normally and doesn't reduce me to an unmotivated mess, making me further depressed.

I want to talk about this with a guy I have a crush on but he doesn't have time. There's also the fact that I don't really want to talk about it at all because having a mental illness is embarrassing to me. I just want to feel better.

Thanks for reading, if anyone did!

Too depressed, cynical, negative. I was once a helpful, alright guy now I'm a bitter and hateful. I can't enjoy anything, forgot how happiness felt like, seeing happy people physically hurts me. They can't even tell what's wrong with me, no treatment works, guess I was just fucked up in the head from birth and it took a while to come up. It's been getting even worse lately, frustration, anger, helplessness, hopelessness they are eating me inside. In every wake second of my day I think about killing myself but something inside me stops me from actually doing it. I just want to disappear completely from existence, I can't take this anymore.

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>>23118879

Not to mention I'm physically repulsive, I'm literally human waste and need to be taken out.

>>23118905

You can fix two birds with 1 stone with a little weightlifting. Amazing cure for depression with no side effects, and then you also look healthier

>>23118911

I'm already doing it to lose weight, it doesn't work I'm just losing weight.

>>23118923

You see more definition as you lose the weight. Just make sure you're getting enough protein to hold the muscle you build and keep going

>>23118951

Well body might chance but I'll still be an annoying depressed piece of shit and my face is ugly anyways so it would just make me healthier.

>>23118961

Keep it up though, your mindset will change as you get good results

>>23112824
There's something wrong with me. We were having a bad night, and something happened. I don't know what was said, but I snapped immediately and woke up bleeding from the back of the head. From what's been said, I put her in a chokehold until she hit me with a large metal object a few times. I've blacked out before, but not anything like this. I spent years head over heels for this girl before we finally got a chance to be together, and it was the best year of my life. My soul mate, the first time I've felt like the universe had given me a place to stand proudly, and I couldn't even protect her from myself. Doctors, therapy, medications, none of it will fix what I've done. None of it will replace the way she used to look at me, and now she can only look at me with fear and contempt. I tried killing myself but it didn't work, they've let me off in court because they consider it a mental issue, but there's no atoning for this and all I can do is wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night.

I thought I was a good man.

>>23119004

Don't think so man, I'm fucked forever and probably kill myself soon.

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I don't really know.
I'm scared of being sad, and i'm sad because I'm scared. I try to make people happy because I know how it feels to feel nothing.
>Here,have a little funny.

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>get dumped
>mfw she blocks me on all forms of social media
>fucking around ps4
>says my ex girlfriends online
>mfw she noticed this and removed me from her friends list


Such a fucking petty thing to do man. She wasn't kidding when she said she wanted me gone.

>>23114394
>>23114937
Im pretty much the same way right now, all I can say is settle in coz it takes a long fucking time to get over.

>16 years old, never really the interested in girlfriends
>find out a girl in the year below likes me, we start talking all the time and eventually get together
> lost our virginities to each other, grew up together, literally inseparable for 4 and a half years
>last september she started uni, which was hard but everything was going really well for the first few weeks
>out of fucking nowhere one weekend she says she wants space, a week later texts me saying she wants to break up
>rips my heart out, two weeks later she comes to my house, we talk for hours and she says she just wants to be alone to focus on uni work, promises she doesn't want anyone else
>never been more miserable in my whole life, but i understand
>another two weeks after that she goes round some guys house to fuck him, and keeps doing it while telling me they're just friends
>this guy in 100% what i would class as "her type" so i could never compete with him
>i only found this out two days before christmas
>i don't even have a picture for mfw i realise I've lost the most important thing in my life because of the way i look

Its been about two and a half months, the image of them together still eats me alive. She's at his house right now while I'm sat home alone again.
Its getting a little easier, but fuck me i never thought a break up would ever be this hard

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>mid 20s, severe anxiety since early teens
>Always thought I was /that guy/ who could shrug it off
>Continue as normal, graduate early and go to college
>kicks into high gear, bouts of psychosis
>Go to doctor, get put on involuntary psychiatric hold
>Leaves school to randomly move across country
>Homeless on and off for years
>Finally get qt gf. Only one who understands me, etc.
>Together for 2 years, get dumped for being 'cold and detached'
>I constantly feel the psychosis getting worse. I've stopped even trying with doctors/therapists because the meds do nothing
>Can't keep job, barely staying away from homelessness again
>Just waiting to inevitably go completely insane

>tfw everyone irl assumes I'm a normal/well-educated person with his shit together

I don't know why I haven't an heroed, but there has to be a reason or I would've done it already- So I guess there's some sense of hope left in me.

Bump. Having another shitty day and this thread is making me not feel so alone

My family is falling apart send help
>be average college Muslim fuck up who gets drunk and high and blow and all sorts of drugs.
>come home over winter break but gotta stay sober besides occasional weed intake.
>dad got hit by a truck whilst driving a motorcycle like 5 years ago and healed within a year and a half. But he's still fucked in the head we all know it.
> out of no where tells My mom he thinks we need a second wife to take care of life ( there are 2 left) I'm eldest and just started college.
> my mom can't even look him in the eyes or stand next to him.
This no joke happened in the last 4 days.

>>23112877
That's harsh man. I'm a kissless virgin so idk what to say except I fear that too. The one girl I told her I liked basically laughed me off, even though I thought she liked me back by the way she was flirting. I'm over that but desu I'm way too much of a awkward introvert to ever find a girl so I'm close to just giving up and banging hookers to fill my void.

It just feels like I've missed so many steps in my social development that it's basically pointless now (19). Tried looking into religion but it just seems worthless to an agnostic like me. My life feels very directionless with little to look forward too other then FA-ness.

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Mom died several months ago, I want to say I'm mature enough to deal with this but I'm fucking 18 and my dad already died when I was 11, it hurts guys.

All we're left now is me, my older bros 24 and 29, my younger sister 11 and my doggy in pic

it hurts really bad bros, i guess im batman now

my "internet" gf just abandoned me. i know it wasnt that long but i really thought we would get married irl. she got pissed at me but i didnt think she would straight up shut me out.

i really feel horrible about it. i tried my best and i really liked her alot. more than any other girl ive had a relationship with irl or otherwise.

i really wish she would come back to me. i screwed up big time and feel really bad about how it ended.

been obsessed with military since I was 17, I was a conscript from 5.1.2015 to 16.9.2015, and I still want to join peacekeeping/french foreign legion

it seems immature but the military life seems like something for me, even though I may die doing it, I know that there may be a few veterans here, and maybe I can get some insight from them

>>23119645
holy fuck I feel you, the exact same thing happened to me, she was the tipping point for the things I mentioned in my post

>>23119026
Quit being such a self loathing piece of shit. Depression is such a common thing people often forget that there are plenty of others dealing with something much worse. You are the way you are because you choose to be miserable. The best thing to do is to find something to keep you busy. When I my depression is getting bad, I'll usually take more shifts at work or start putting in a lot of overtime, the act of not allotting myself time to feel sorry and want to lay in bed all day is my coping mechanism. Find a way to combat it and deter it when it is at its worst.

>>23119645

So... wait. What exactly does being an "internet" gf entail? How is it different from a "normal" gf? Never having met in person or smth?

>>23119820
thanks man, i mean it wasnt life crushing but it seriously hurt. like its nice to get a closure ending instead of just shut out.

>>23120056
yea thats why i put internet in quotes. it doesnt mean i take the relationship any less seriously or anything it just means it was primarily online and we hadnt gotten to meet.

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It always happens this time of year, but for good reason. I start drinking too much, I think too much of the past. I think of Julia and Marleigh. I think of where I am now and if things would be different if I had I changed. I always tell myself not to change for people, but maybe that's my problem.

I have a penchant for speed. Its to escape. I stay so intently focused on the present when I speed that I forget about the past. Anything. Adderall, Vyvanse, cocaine, epinephrine, straight black coffee. I'm sad that I use these things to run away instead of facing it and accepting it.

I'm sad that I've been denied a loan for a shop. I'd like to think of myself as a proficient mechanic, yet I work 6 12 hour shifts a week as a mover. Not a single shop will hire me on without ASE certificates.

Its nights like these that I like to stand outside and feel the cold creeping in. The nights when clouds hold heaven to close to the ground, and the orange haze of city lights outline the soaking lifeless shapes of the gnarled trees barren of leaves. Nights that will end in me stopping my work to down another bottle of whisky and blare blues until I fall asleep or the music quits playing.

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>>23119092
you hit me in those feels anon because the story with my ex is almost the same

>that feel in the pit of your stomach when you think about her fucking a better guy and enjoying it more than she ever did with you
>its like a mixture of every single negative emotion all in one
>its worse than alcohol withdrawal

Im an alcoholic and alcohol couldnt even drown out that feel for me back then

Its really gay and cliche but only time or falling in love again fixes feels like that, anon. Dont hate all girls cause of a single one.

I found my dream man but he is straight. All great guys are straight. ;_; Forever Alone...

Part 1/3

I've always loved school and learning new stuff. It showed in my grades, and I even studied courses that where above my level in my free time during primary school.
Every year I came home with top grades and my family was very proud of me. I am the only child, but I have many cousins and uncles/aunts, and we're all very close. I was kind of considered the brain child of my family, at least on my mother's side. I was the one that was "going to be someone" - the future patriarch of the family.
With the exception of one uncle (the current patriarch and probably the one most proud of me), they're all failures with either some kind of addiction or a mental illness.

16 years old:
During my final year of primary school I started getting depressed, sometimes for no apparent reason, and I started to dislike social situations. My grades dropped, but I was still well above average.

When I started secondary school I got into a fairly respectable school with the education that is considered one of the toughest in my country of origin. But now I depressed more often, and I also became manic sometimes. My friends started to comment on my strange behaviour, and I'd noticed it myself, so I decided to get help from a therapist (for youths under 18).

17 years old:
After about 6 months of therapy, he understood that this was something that any kind of therapy couldn't fix, so he sent me to a psychiatrist. She decided to put me on some meds - mood stabilisers.

I was a smart kid, and I didn't want to be like my family, so I stayed away from smoking and drinking, but now I wanted to try it. I liked it, and it made things more manageable when I was depressed, and things a lot more fun when I was manic. I started experimenting with drugs, and god damn it felt so good.

18 years old:
As school went on I got too old for my psychiatrist and had to go to an adult clinic. This didn't help, and it became worse and worse. My grades were bad, but I mostly passed.

My marraige is falling apart and I don't know what more I can do to hold it together. Debsted suicide frequently. I love her so much.

>>23112877
You work out, get ripped, make money, then fuck her friend.

>>23120550
cont...

Part 2/3

School got very hard. When I was in my normal state, I tried to catch up as much as I could, but as soon as I got depressed or manic, half a month would go by with me being either drunk off my arse, high as a kite or so depressed I couldn't even get out of bed - lagging behind more and more.

I got some new meds from my psychiatrists, but now only antidepressants. Nothing helped, so I decided to stop seeing them.

19 years old:
Life went on, and I barely graduated. I was a wreck, and going down a very bad road.

My family was still pushing me, and I didn't want to let them down, so I kept aiming high. I started college to become an engineer. This went all to shit, and I dropped out after half a semester.

I realised that I had to get my life straight. I was drinking every day, doing drugs every weekend and I was on the verge of killing myself every month, so I started going to my clinic again to get help. I got diagnosed with ultra rapid bipolar disorder, social phobia and delayed sleep-phase disorder.

20 years old:
I turned my life around. I quit drinking, stopped doing drugs and my meds helped more than before. School became easy again and I was enjoying life.

>>23120155
>Its nights like these that I like to stand outside and feel the cold creeping in. The nights when clouds hold heaven to close to the ground, and the orange haze of city lights outline the soaking lifeless shapes of the gnarled trees barren of leaves. Nights that will end in me stopping my work to down another bottle of whisky and blare blues until I fall asleep or the music quits playing.

I actually google searched that to make sure you werent plagiarizing because you could be a writer. A better one than me and I have been published before. Keep writing stuff man.

>>23120550
>>23120567
cont...

Part 3/3
20 through 21 years old:
As life became easier I started enjoying myself a bit more. I had a beer with my friends, smoked the occasional joint, but it was all under control.

I had some depressive and manic periods, but they were manageable. When I was very close to doing something stupid I'd drink, smoke some weed or pop a benzo or two to take the edge off. It helped a lot, even more than my meds, and I thought that I didn't need help so I quit going to my clinic.

My father cheated on my mother and she left him around Christmas.

22 years old:
I had about one year left until graduation when I started drinking on a daily basis, and now it was worse than ever. I spent all my money on alcohol, tramadol, benzo and weed.

I failed all my exams, didn't complete a single course and got completely fucked in the ass again.

23 years old:
The school year ended so I couldn't get anymore money from studying. By the same time as this happened my mother got sick.

I found her naked, covered in shit, piss and vomit. She had a stroke and a septic shock. The sepsis would almost kill her, but she survived. Unfortunately she had to amputate her legs and fingers and is now 75% blind. I have to take care of her but it's just too hard.

I had no income so I had to live off of benefits, on one condition - to get help with my mental health. I started going to my clinic again, and stopped drinking.

Now:
I turn 24 in a week and I'm a NEET. I'm on 8 pills/day and barely getting though the day. My mother's situation fucked me up big time and I'm so fucking stressed about everything. I can't sleep, I can't get out of bed, I can't do anything without having an anxiety attack. I'm thinking about ending my life every day and I'm pretty scared I'll do it if I don't drink or cram myself full of morphine and benzo, but I really don't want to go down that path again. Substance abuse is fucking horrible - but then again it's probably better than suicide...

>>23120550
>>23120567
>>23120576
Sorry for writing a whole fucking book but I just had to get it out. It feels a bit better now...

I apologize, guys. I was half awake when I made my post in here. Must've only read through half of the rules that OP set because I post my face like an asshole and breaking anonymity. Would delete my pic if I could.

>>23116257
Fuuuuuck. That is some seriously heavy shit, man.

All I can say is hang in there, man. Sounds cliche, but it is true. I actually attempted suicide and failed years back. I was like you, instead of feeling happy that I actually didn't die, it was more of a feeling of "Are you serious? I can't even fucking kill myself?" I was sad for a while after that, but over time, my sadness just kind of went away. Nothing is permanent. Pain and happiest fade interchange. And I personally believe that if you work to improve yourself, eventually happiness will become the stronger of the two.

Keep fighting

>>23116075
<3

>>23116375
B===D

>>23116770
Fuck that dude. You don't need that. Go out there and find someone who will actually appreciate you and not take you for granted. Relationships without mutual affection are utterly pointless in my eyes.

>>23117946
I feel the same. I graduated college just to end up with a huge debt and no job. Applied and applying for basically anything now.

>>23118213
If you're a chill person people don't really mind it. This seems like a problem in insecurity. No matter what surgery you get, if your insecurity is all screwed up then nothing can help you feel great until you yourself feels great

>>23120574
>>23120574
There are many many better writers out there than I. I'll stick with my notebook and pen, my sockets and wrenches, greasy hands grasping for everything that is just out of reach.

>>23120621
I'm going to be fucked when it comes to debt, especially since I don't have a job to try to pay it off as I go along. I don't know what the hell to do, I'm so frustrated and sad.

>>23120155
You sound exactly like someone I know, but I don't think you're them. You live in Austin?

>>23120726
Cincinnati, but I know someone named Austin if that means anything.

>>23120576
Dude you are strong as hell. I am rooting for you.

>>23120155
You are not the drugs. I hope you can recover. I've watched my mother suffer in addiction and I know there is a light for you.

>>23120737
Ah alright. I have a bud who usually gets the way you feel and the chicks who got him all fucked up have the same names. He also has the same job and wants to be a mechanic. Hope everything gets better bud.

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I don't have anyone I can connect with and I wish I really knew why.

My ex-girlfriend, the one person I thought I could trust more than anyone else, cheated on me because she's an emotionally impulsive whore. She wants to try getting back together after a year of reflecting on her mistakes, but I can't 100% take her up on it in spite of the fact I love her because someone else got their hands all over her. The thought of someone as whiny, cynical, and depressing as him getting inside her before I could bothers me to no end.

I'm too awkward to speak with anyone else IRL, and I can never actually sit down to talk with all the genuinely nice people I occasionally meet online because they either don't respond or remove me after a week without much being said on either side. The only people I've managed to keep over the years are huge fucking assholes that don't have much respect for anyone else and use the insecurities of others to berate them for fun. Even if it involves shit like felonies or whatever.

I'm not gonna act like I have it super hard or anything, but I keep losing friends and the ones I haven't lost are such huge fucking assholes that I can't trust them with anything. I don't know if I'm driving people away or if I seem too sensitive or what. I just wish I knew what was up so I could get my shit together and become a person people would wanna be around.

> Feel like I don't connect with anyone even tho I connect with a lot
> Feel like nobody really likes me even though apparently people speak highly of me
> Feel like nobody cares about me even though I have a solid group of friends and family who do
>Feel isolated and unable to express myself which is only partially true
> Feel invalid because I can't get with any girl I want
> Feel horribly lonely for no real reason
> Feel like a fucking ingrate for complaining

>>23120605
>>23116770

You're right senpai. I just miss her and that booty.

>in a shit relationship
>will never get out

>>23119645
wish i at least had a chance to beg for forgiveness lol. i totally would...

all shed have to do is say something to me and i would definitely make it worth it. but ill probably never get the chance.

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I just deleted all my contacts for a girl i really like
i feel like shit but its the good kind of feeling like shit

>>23120708
That's one of my biggest fears. So far I've paid for all my classes but I'll be transferring soon and leaving my job too so..I know that feel bro.

>>23121483
I never got to draw her toes...

>>23112860
i know exactly what you're feeling; i've suffered from depression for years now and got into the habit of not doing anything because i was mentally and physically exhausted. slowly, however, i was able to start integrating small things into my days.

one of the best things that helped me was making lists. find a way to reasonably get to a goal that you want and write it down. take baby steps. even if it's not something you consider a big step, it's enough for the moment.

i personally started out with cleaning and doing dishes, then slowly added on forcing myself to go walk outside/sit outside in the sun a bit each day, etc.

it gets better, anon, the hardest part is just making yourself do these things when you feel so bad.

>>23115698
could you describe the 'half there' feelings more in depth? it could be anxiety or depersonalization from the stress and depression. both of which can affect your health . if it's gotten to the point where you can't go out and function normally, i'd say it's time to bring it up to a doctor.

>>23120969
sounds like either extreme self esteem issues or like you might have really bad social anxiety, both of which can be dehabilitating so you shouldn't feel bad for complaining about it. if you're having trouble connecting with others, it might be a more deep rooted issue that's keeping you from making those connections.

>>23121393
why can't you get out of it? all you have to do is say it's over. if you're scared of the confrontation, you leave a note or just leave, period. if the relationship is shit, you're enabling it and taking an active part in it by staying

>>23120922
if you're having issues like that consistently, it sounds like the issue might be you. it sucks to hear things like that, but it might be a personality trait you have that annoys people.

from the get go i can tell that you're blaming your exgirlfriend for leaving you instead of thinking of the reasoning behind why she left you. it wouldn't have been just her that caused her to want to leave, but you played a key part as well.

if you've only managed to keep 'assholes' for friends, well, i have bad news for you. like minded people keep like minded company. you are probably an asshole and don't realize it, or are super judgmental towards others and they pick up on it.
the only reason i say this is because i was the same way.

>>23121531
...was that meant for me?

>>23120621
not sure if it would work were you are but you can try to have some of the debt pardoned if you're especially poor. i've done it before and it saved my life.

no one wants to have a quick fling with me...i have a gf...but shes the only person iv ever been with. she knows i want to do someone else just to have done it...maybe someone we can threesome sometime. but no one is interested...am i really that bad? am i doing something wrong?

>>23121623
Is your girlfriend really okay with it? Don't make her reluctantly agree to it just because she doesn't want to lose you, that would be emotional abuse. I've been there.

Most of the shit in my life was my own doing with relationships and what not. Kik is Womper62 grab a seat and let ol' donkus tell you a story or two.

>>23121684
we have talked about it. she is ok with it.

30 years old. My life is as good as over. I'll never be in my prime again. Getting bald spot. No girls will ever like me again unless they're some busted single mom. I should just kill myself.

>>23121737
Ha! Whatever anon. Girls like men older than them, it's an established fact.

If you mean your days of going to raves and banging random chicks on MDMA are over, well news flash: they're supposed to be. It's lame to do kid stuff when you're 30 and bald. What's not lame is to be an actual man, which is the whole point of life anyway. You have arrived.
Grow up, find one of the many lovely young ladies in their mid 20s who want to settle down with someone like you, and live happily ever after.

You're welcome. Invite me to your wedding.

I'm all alone. No friends. Kissless virgin. Jobless and no motivation. Everything is shit and I am shit. I just want to die.

i just feel really alone right now

>>23112824
>>23112824
last night my girlfriend said, and i quote
>i don't think i ever really cared for the true you, i always just kind of hoped you'd become this amazing person i wanted you to be

i'm done with all of this

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I quit my shitty ass job, broke up with a great boyfriend, and now I'm living at home with my parents with no food in the house and almost $65,000 dollars in debt because of one really stupid thing I did.

I have stage three cervical cancer. When I'm not sick I'm smoking/drinking/fucking my problems away. I've lost 20 lbs and I look sick and malnourished. I don't have heat in my room so I'm constantly catching colds, especially since I have to sleep on the floor. I have a calcium deficiency because of my treatments and my teeth are rotting, making me look like a meth head, but I'm so far under with my debt I can't afford dental work. My mother's maxed out all her credit cards trying to help me and I'm trying so hard to find another job but nobody will hire me since I'm so sick and the only thing I'm qualified for is a desk job, yet my family makes too much annual to claim disability on me.

Why did I fuck up so god damned hard?

>>23122425
Those are no living conditions for a human. Where do you live?

>>23122462
In the southern USA, but in a middle class area.

>>23122464
If that's USA's middle class, it's truly abysmal. For a country that prides itself in freedom and greatness it really treats some of its people like garbage.

I don't know what to tell you but I hope you get to experience something good again.

>>23122477
Thank you very much, my family was middle class before I got sick. My father's been sick for years and is making the house payments with his disability, while my mother works at the state.

>>23122488

So yet another case of the fucked up medical system of the US screwing over a family?

>>23122492
Basically. All I want is a good steak and cheese sandwich.

>>23122392
Got your back anon. skype mischievous_munchkin if you want to talk to somebody.

>>23122493

But I'm curious: you've said that you're in debt because of a stupid thing you did - what was that? I hope you don't regard your illness a stupid thing you did...

>>23122500
First off, nice dubs, second I quite my job to try to pursue my dream job of being a graphic artist. I was doing well, but my hard drive crashed on me taking all my projects along with it.

>>23122416
Ready for a hard life truth, anon?

If you live seeking the affirmation and care of other people, you'll spend your life crashing down into this feeling over and over.

Work to improve yourself and become the amazing person YOU want to be, and do it for yourself. That way is freedom.
And you'll find that it actually makes people like you more anyway.

>>23122506

Fuck.................

Brb, ordering a server for constant backups.

>>23122516
Yeah. That's a good plan.

>>23121612
Huh?

>>23122511
It's not the affirmation or care problem as much as the hassle of getting her out of my life; she lives with me and doesn't have a lot of money. I'm actually crashing at a friend's place just because I don't want to go home.

>>23122524
Got it. Well that sucks but it's probably temporary problems, as long as you don't let her hang around indefinitely and suck the happiness out of you by belittling you all the time. If you've had enough, put your foot down and reclaim yourself.

I suspect you're a capable guy (not least because you can actually spell and punctuate) and you'll get through it.

>>23122523
I just as lost. Did you reply to the right person?

My ex came home a few days before our one year anniversary and broke up with me. No warning. Everything was perfect when he left. He'd spent 6 weeks ignoring me while he was away for work (I'd assumed he had no reception it wasn't uncommon), I had an offer to move out while he was away but stayed because his last ex just without a word, up and left while he was away and I couldn't do the same thing to him again.

I had to ask if we were breaking up, he couldn't even say it. He told me it was just convenient and he'd never loved me.
I'm so fucked up over it. During the day, I'm fine. But at night I can't stop thinking about it. I can't sleep anymore.
He got to walk away unscathed. He's fine.
And I can't stop thinking about it. I want it to stop. I wish he'd never touched me.

>>23120708
It's a tough world out there unfortunately not all college experience isn't as helpful as they are made out to be. Have you tried looking into the military? And where are u from if u don't mind me asking

>>23121483
I've been using a pell grant but I have to go super slow and take out loans for my books, it's crushing me.
>>23123461
I've tried the military but it didn't work out. I started to develop serious anxiety while I was joining. I was going to sign and everything, but I just decided to stop trying and just go to school. Sucks cuz they have a program for medical school and I could have gotten med school paid for if I could have calmed the fuck down and just did it. I'm from Illinois.

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Since my teenage years I always felt I was being shunned in a way or another by everybody around me and have become distrustful to everybody and everything (even by my parents, like some kind of plot). Sometimes I thought that maybe I was being a whiny/edgy teenager for being depressed and isolating myself.
One time while I talked to my mother she always told me that if I cant be social with anybody around me, maybe I was the problem and told me to analyze myself.
I decided to be more open to people, take insults as a joke and laugh at them, and after my graduation I started to see some people I thought despised me started to hang out with me and value me as a friend.
Despite that, I still think something is wrong and I am still ostracized by most of society, even though its acting more kindly to me.
The worst part of it is that sometimes I do things and realize that I really have driven away a lot of people who have been close to me. Im considering sometime in my life to live as lonely as I manage to get and see if I have been really a loner all this time.

I keep having cuckoldry dreams. I'm a girl with a white, racist dominant boyfriend who could never be into this. I am not into this. I have never been attracted to black men. Yet I keep having dreams about a big black bull sissifying my boyfriend or random white men.
It's really fucking with my head and making me really depressed whenever I wake up. What is wrong with me?

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>>23121610
I've sorta considered that it's probably me. The thing is, my ex even admitted she was being extremely promiscuous and compulsive, so that one is on her. Everything else has to be my fault. I don't really want assholes for company, but I guess I have to fix myself up for better company or deal with it. I've gotten so caught up in negativity that I don't know how to get out.

After some therapy and self reflection I've uncovered that the reason why I'm so attracted to teachers/ men in positions of power in general is because my dad was a teacher and he never gave me the slightest impression he even knew I existed. So I go fucking crazy at the smallest amount of attention from someone in that position. I relise it's just polite behaviour but I can't help myself and get over attached every time. So instead of maybe having healthy relationships I'm too busy pinning for teachers who can never return my feelings.

Got stood up tonight and realized she only liked me out of pity. Gonna finish this bottle of wine and do... Something. Anyone 812 area code?

I had a dream last night that I wanted to gain weight. Nothing extreme, just 5-10lbs

This is weird since I've generally idolized being small and thin. I'm currently 5'4" & 110 lbs and wish I could get back down to my lowest weight of 98 lbs.

But would I be better with more weight on me? I look in the mirror and I can't imagine it would be. I barely have a defined waist and I like sticky limbs.

But I also have tiny boobs. My bones stick out between them. I don't have an impressive butt. I'm not comfortable to cuddle, I always feel like I'm jabbing my elbows or ribs into them. You can't comfortably rest your head on my chest or stomach. I'm hard.

But would any of that even improve with more weight? I might just lose all definition and not even get bigger breasts. And I know chubby girls are so insecure, can I live with that? People call me cute and small and that feels good. Am I looking a gift horse in the mouth?

I don't really feel like typing everything out. I'm just sad as fuck. Life is hard. I hate being addicted to benzos. It hurts to be used. I'm just fucking sad. I'm actually looking forward to school starting on Monday so I'm not mulling on how shit my life is 24/7.

I'm a 21-year-old virgin and my self-esteem is fucked because of it. I feel like even if I do lose my virginty, my self-esteem will still be fucked because I should've lost my virginity a long time ago, and because of that I don't feel like I'm good enough.

I just made a ham and cheese hot pocket, (my fucking fav). I like to eat them in my boxers. When i took a bite it all spilled from the bottom and all that super hot fucking cheese covered my leg.

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twenty-something, already losing my beautiful blond hair, 5'11'' 135lbs, fit, new person in a new town, dont know anyone, new job sucks assholes

The worst is the family curse, fuck balding so much. I just don't look good bald, im too fucking skinny

Lonely mainly. Dating is hard when you hate your body for being fucking retarded

>>23126386
thread/

in tears rn

>>23112824
Recently found out my gf wants a polyamory relationship, says she can't only love me bla bla bla, long story short my depression is back and it hit me big this time, i don't know I kinda just try to let it slide and see if I can get slightly happy some days but it's hard

>>23125403
Same. It's why I got into DDlg. I just want someone to dote on me and for me to admire them.

>>23126060
I feel you. I hope the distractions help.

>>23126386
I'll say a prayer for your leg, good lord.

I'm scared I'll be alone till I die

I have friends, I have family, but I've never been romantic with anyone, not even some fake little thing when I was in elementary school.

I'll probably just end up messaging some ugly fat tranny on okcupid and just pretend she looks pretty but never show her to friends and family, or maybe I'll just get in a fake relationship with some dude online pretending to be a girl

I'm just tired of being bitter when I see a couple in public or in games and tv, I just want it for myself man

>soc crush adds you on snapchat
>says you're cute and stuff
>think "wow this is going well"
>asks for your advice on the guy she really likes

I got my hopes up too high

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>Get new job
>Doing pretty well, boss and coworkers are pretty nice, pay's alright as well
>cute coworker, exactly my type (super professional and cold at work, but super warm outside)
>get along fine with her, minor flirting
>plan to ask her out
>she announces her engagement
why live?

I hate the way I look. As hard as I try my thyroid makes it impossible to lose weight.... and even when I was thinner I hated the way I looked. I have a big chin, asymmetrical face.

I just turned 18 and am still a virgin. I don't want to lose it to just anyone but because of my looks I don't think I will lose it to the person I want to.

Me and my ex broke up years ago, bt remained friends. She didn't want to be shackled down and neither did I, and then family things happened and we moved to opposite ends of the country. Over the years we've remained close and agreed that if we'd stayed together we'd probably be swingers now.

The other day while I was on the phone helping her mod Oblivian, we had just figured out what the problem in her file structure was, and she got excited. She didn't realize the time tho and I reminded her she needed to go to work.

She responded "Oh damn, I gotta go. I love you,"

All I got out was "I.." and heard the boop of the line going dead. She hasn't responded since. It was the first time she'd said it since we broke up.
I've been drunk since new years at midnight.

I'm tired of stagnation, of saving money for no fuck reason at all. I just wanna leave my shithole town but I have nowhere to go or nothing to look out for.

I'm cold all the time, even in 80degree weather, size 0s are becoming baggy, I'm always tired and fatigued, I haven't had a womanly cycle in I don't know how long. But yet I keep starving myself. I'm disgusted by my actions, but it's something I actually have control over. I've found other outlets, but this habit is has deep roots and is affiliated with everyday actions. Stopping now would mean changing everything, and I absolutely despise change.
I want to talk to someone about it, get help, but how can I explain to someone that I enjoy watching myself wither away?
I haven't eaten in two days. It stopped hurting six hours ago. I could probably go another day without food.
I weighed myself this morning. I'm now 40kg

I had to go back to college and i won't see my sister for another three months. She's my only friend and I just get so lonely

>>23122425
Apparently you can still afford internet.

>>23123489
Damn didn't know it was that hard to get a job out there. I'm from Boston and its easier to get small starting off jobs like fast-food and waiting but if you're looking for post college stuff to pay off loans its tougher. How many more years of schooling do you have?

>>23112877
>says you look like a serial killer
>says provocative shit
kek
feel for you brother

>>23130433
Even fast food jobs are competitive here because I live in a small town where you need a stupid amount of experience or certificates in order to land a job. I'm a freshman in college. I've been thinking for doing a double major or getting some kind of certificates to get a better paying job, minimum wage doesn't go very far.

>>23131041
Woops. I'm on my phone, my I'd changed.

all of my internet friends are getting lives, but i'm not.
soon i'm literally going to be all alone.
and it hurts, man.
hurts real bad.

>>23113088
Turn that shit into a movie

>>23131041
Unfortunately this worlds shit. The whole go to college get a degree and have a bright future isn't as bright as its made out to be. If you're not majoring in anything related to math/science or medical its tough to get a job. I had to learn that the hard way. Have you tried volunteering into places you're majoring in or looking for unpaid internships?

>>23132497
Back on my computer kek
I know with my psychology major I can't get any jobs with it until I have a graduate degree. I currently volunteer in an ER, which is better than nothing. It doesn't give me independence though. I have a goal to be on my own by my 20s but I don't see that happening anymore.

I was happier when my eating disorder kept me thin, I'm sad I hated my body so much when I was so in shape. I'm sad I can never work out. And I'm lonely. My partner seems to hate me, I sent him nudes for the first time in forever and he rebuffed me, even though he's been gone for weeks. I've got no forseeable way to leave and fucking hell, I still love him. I hold more weight on my sides than before and I just want someone to tell me how bad I look because my body dysmorphia makes it impossible to judge for myself. I feel so stupid for unloading this reading what the rest of you are dealing with., I feel sorry. I haven't had an easy life but, this is still the one thing I hate. The only thing I focus on.

>>23132565
Lawl I told myself the same.have you thought about going out of state to the city and dorm while looking for jobs? Save up and such? I mean you obviously will have to take out more money but at least youll be following your dreams of being independent

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>>23112824
Everywhere I've ever been, I've been tolerated rather than wanted, and my absence has always gone unnoticed. Nobody's ever wanted to stay in touch with me. If I killed myself my parents are probably the only ones on the planet who would care. It goes without saying nobody's ever been attracted to me. I've failed or given up at everything I've ever tried.
How am I supposed to go on when I'm so fucking worthless?

>depressed for 3 years
>asexual
>realize that either I'll be alone forever, have a unfulfilled relationship, or get cucked
>barely eating to sustain weight due to depression and anxiety
>realize that if I don't interact with anyone in my college, I'll never get a good job
>realize that if I don't work hard, I'll never get a good job
>realize that even if I get a job, it will just be a neverending dull cycle until I die
>can't kill self because too frightened and it'll make the family sad
>end up just laying in bed and essentially keep self alive and go to college for their sake

Just got back from meeting with my gf. Hadn't seen her since before New Years and she wanted to get together. Breaks up with me because she wasn't as interested in me as I was in her. Sucks ass cause she was great for me same music taste lots of similar interests and even both felt the same way about religion. But now in all alone and sad RIP me.

>be 21
>Got my first gf in sophomore year of high school
>Dated her for 5 years
>She cheats on with guy she meets online
>he drives 4 states over to have sex with her and send me picturees of them having sex

>get pissed
>Threaten to fight him if I see him in public
>Next day Gets called for a job interview
>things looking up for me
>Bring a friend to walk with me to job interview
>See guy who slept with my girlfriend
>Lose temper
>Lounge at him in the middle of the street
>Hammer fist/punch his face in for 5 mins
>Black out from intense fury
>Come to and wake in a detainment center in the city precinct
>Group of guards and a officers come to get me and tell me what happened
>Officer tells me it took 4 officers to pull me off the guy I was wailing on and 2 more to detain me.
>Get charged
>Judge hears story and is lenient
>No felony, most charges dropped
>Anger management and 3 months house arrest

>go home and cry I lost the girl who I had for 5 years and wanted nthing to do with me.
>Try marijuana for the first time in my life.
>Smoke and for the whole month of august
>Bouts intense depression whenever not high
>Best friend finds out girlfriend is cheating on him
>I call him over and we chill out like our old childhood days, we drink, play vidya, and talk about old times. everything seems good.
> Wake up next morning Best friend commits suicide leaves me his car and an old necklace I gave him as a child in will.
>Realize I have lost 2 of the 4 most important people in my life.
>Fix diet, Workout, adopt a dog
>Stop smoking, go back to job hunting
>Start to work on my game and approach more women
>Attempt to get another girlfriend
>Get rejected every time.
>Finally went to a recruiter to join the air force
>Still work at bettering myself while preparing for the air force.
>Girl I liked from freshman year of high school moves back to town

My life so far


I am going to ask out girl tomorrow. hoping she says yes.

>>23119073
My ex did the same thing. It makes you stronger once you get over it.

>>23133035
Half sad half fucking justice.

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Never posted on /soc/ before but this seems like a good place to let this out.

I'm a pretty shitty person. I've broken my previous SO's heart. We were together 8 years. I do the bare minimum to get by in life and haven't really accomplished much being 29 years old. I have lots of friends but have to struggle to keep them because I'm an introvert.

My little sister killed herself a few months ago. I keep cool around friends and I stay strong in front of my parents because I have to - but I'm not ok. I can't tell a single person that it bothers me to the point of not sleeping or leaving parties early to cry in my car alone. I think it may have been my fault that she died. She had serious depression issues and I didn't take them seriously. I wasn't there for her enough and I didnt check on her enough and actually be her brother. She shot herself at my parent's house and I saw her body and the mess. I had never seen dead person in my life.

My mom and dad are taking it well 4 months later. I do all I can to make sure they are fine, but I could never tell them how fucked up I am. My family would fall into deeper depression and my friends would leave because they aren't interested in some depressing bullshit.

I just wanted to get it all down. I used to be happy and I know how to act like I'm happy. I just don't ever see myself actually being there again.

Fucked up but it feels a little better reading how others have issues they are dealing with too.

What bothers me isn't the autism or unemployment, it's the fact that I'm too fucking clingy to ever get a relationship. To make things worse I'm actually popular and I either turn girls down or end up obliterating any relationship I have with them. I have never encountered another human being as clingy as I am.

>>23118911
it doesnt cure depression. I workout 5 days a week and im still depressed. It's not as bad as it was but dont think it will make it go away

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>>23112824
I hate myself so much and feel like I;m worse than everyone else in the world. Sometimes my confidence will be ok but then someone will say something negative about me (even on an imageboard) and I go right back down. I thought I was ok this week but no I think everyone hates me and they all just put up with me for the sake of it. I just wish I could feel someone actually love me or just really care about me because I feel like I just exist for the sake of it. Every time I show a little bit of myself I get shut down because I don't have usual tastes in shit but it's not fair that I have to hide who I am. I'm sick of trying to make everyone happy and to not upset anyone. It honestly feels like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I'm 22 and I can't see me going anywhere even though I work and go to uni. I fucking hate the way I look, talk, act, everything about me disgusts me.

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I feel like my girlfriend of ~4 years is going to break up with me soon and start dating a coworker soon after.

Sad because I love her and wanted to marry her when the time was right. But I don't think it's really going to happen anymore.

She claims to love me but has said recently her passion has died for me, admitted a crush on the guy at work, and wants to take a break if not outright break up.

I feel like my dreams are just a slow moving train-wreck right now.

I don't know if anyone will read this, and I admit this is pretty trivial, but she's my first real girlfriend and I truly felt we had a special connection but I guess it was one way, or has become so.

Pic related. This was us 3 years ago, her senior prom. I didn't want to go at the time but I decided to anyways and had a good time.

I'll reply to some others in a following post.

>>23133512
I'm very sorry to hear how your doing. Did you break up with your SO before or after your sister's death?

I can't really relate but maybe seeing a therapist to talk about this all would help.

Hey guys.

I've been feeling pretty down for the last two months. I've been an AmeriCorps member working in Manhattan and living in Queens for the past two years (this term's up in June), and I just don't know how to stop being down at home all the time.

I tried doing the MCAT last year but did terrible, was going to retake it this year but I decided it's just not my thing. I'm planning to get a better paying full time job in June but am worried about having to get a new room too cause housing blows in NY if you're not hooked up with section 8 (and have to move from neighborhood to neighborhood).

That being said, I was born in NY and was raised in PA so all my supposed college friends have gone away. I play in an emo / mathrock / shoegaze / dreampop band but only small gigs around NYC.

I feel like I have like no real friends any more and even though I might have my sister here in NY, she's not that close at all. I just feel so damn alone.

I had my first girlfriend at 24 (aka back in September) and she left me after 3 weeks (crazy Chinese girl anyway).

I'm just wondering how I can be happy again. My work is okay, but as soon as I go home and close the door, I start crying. Once that's done I go and practice guitar and synth to make me feel okay.

I wish I had more friends here.

>>23133934
I don't know who you are anon, but I want to be your friend

^ Same guy as before:

I forgot to mention that I pretty much debate jumping in front of a train every other day or jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge.

I know it won't help at all, its just I feel so alone in all of this that I don't know what to do at times. I wish I had more support form people my actual age but at times, I feel I'm more mature than most people though I can be a funny dude at times.

Maybe I'm too emo for my own good or something.

>18/m
>pretty popular in school up until 15 years old
>even had qt gfs
>mom dies
>become depressed shut-in and try to numb the pain with weed and booze
>just end up giving myself extreme social anxiety and spending all my savings on that shit
>dad kicks me out because weed
>live in group home
>life is decent, make some new friends etc.
>turn 18, get kicked out of group home because no longer a minor
>get small ass apartment and live off social security because the crippling social anxiety doesn't let me go to school
>broke as fuck all day, nothing to do but watch netflix and play vidya
>think about an heroing all the time

I'm prolly gonna throw in the towel soon desu

>>23134102
That's a really nice sentiment anon thank you. How are you holding up?

>>23134032

You look like the kind of guy who is the sweetest, kindest first boyfriend in the world...but then she goes out into the real world and find out that square jawed, 6'2" six figure earning guys want her too and the simple fact is that you just don't compare.

I don't say this maliciously, I'm just trying to get you to be honest with yourself. You're husband material, but not for an 'A' girl like her. She gets to marry guys with (or who will get) vacation homes and stories from traveling around the world. Guys who won't hit her or abuse her, but treat her like shit...and ultimately she wants that because that means he's a strong and shameless male.

Your type of girl is a semi-attractive academic or slightly mentally disturbed sweet girl. What you've got in this pic in an 'A', and you, my good anon who I truly wish the best for, can land easy 'C's and with a little work get a long term 'B'.

>>23134103
hey buddy, your music interests seem to align with mine and I'd be available if you want to talk in some way. I can tell you're really bummed out but maybe our common taste in music could be the start of a friendship? Let me know whatever you want.

>>23134119
Actually I've scoped up the other guy. I'm more attractive, I believe. She's admitted as much as well.

She is academic (a 4.0 student), and more than slightly mentally disturbed, very OCD, very perfectionist etc.

I'm 6'4 and better looking now than in that pic imo. I have a job lined up for summer where I'll be making a very good salary (electrical engineering).

>>23134116
I'm alright anon thanks for asking. Kinda relate to your post a good bit. What are your interests?

Yeah I guess that'd be okay.

I think that's my issue though. I've become so obsessed with finding myself musically that I could care less about most aspects of pop culture and am slowly not relating to most people anyway.

I've had my dreams crushed so many times, and wish I could finally just escape poverty somehow.

More than willing to have another friend. I'm just a bit hesitant since no one puts in the same effort as me to maintain friendships. I get it that people change, but it's getting to the point where I'd even move to goddamn overpriced Brooklyn just to see another art type near me unlike all these people that just have it made near me.

I appreciate the offers though. I'm trying to look into how to make an account for 4Chan.

A friend from a fellow emo band told me to try to look on 4Chan social and Reddit to see if there are relevant people in Queens, NY cause he felt super bad that I've been having such a shitty past 2 years in NY so far.

*Trying to find register button for forums.

>>23134148
Video Games, EDM and I do computer science so I guess programming. I've been into scorsese movies lately as well.

>>23134166
no accounts dude lol. Click on post numbers to reply to people.

>>23134168
vidya and edm? You're becoming me with every new post.
>scorsese
Nice, what movies have you seen lately? You starting with the newer stuff or his older movies?

>>23134144

Hmm...that's fine. Then why are you losing? Don't answer, I know you're lying. Just be honest with yourself, otherwise you really will be doomed.

>>23134190
First one I saw was Wolf of Wallstreet but then my brother got me into Goodfellas and casino. Goodfellas is probably my favourite so far. What kind of vidya do you like?

Oh I gotchu.

Yeah, so basically I'm 24 and been trying to somewhat find myself in healthcare though am glad that even though I've dealt with this shitty pay that AmeriCorps gives me, I realized that I would have never went for an MPH or MD degree.

It's just hard since all of my coworkers aka other AmeriCorps members are priviledged with being able to live off their parents or boyfriends.

I just feel like I'm chasing rent half of the time and somewhat so screwed.

I did have an amazing gig last night though I must admit (Saturday) and put on some of my friend's bands too. But are they really friends? Maybe... if I tour with them we'll see in June.

Honestly though, I just hate being single here. NY is the worst ever for it. It seems like everyone here is set with school and unless you went to school here, no one takes you in as a friend.

Then again, I met that Chinese girl at a house show in Queens last summer and she approached me so I guess that's a plus.

I just can't seem to find anyone worthwhile yet, and I've tried online stuff too :(. Being a poor white dude sucks at times.

I'm pretty good at guitar and synth though :/

I'm looking into how to take 3 pre-req classes to possibly go back to school for nursing full time.

But honestly, I'm too emotional for things at times. Dude, I even broke down in front of my supervisors last week when he mentioned my friend situation and had to apologize for the whole thing. It was in his office but I was like, "Hey, I break down at home and don't really want to do this at work, I'm sorry"

Thankfully he used to be a social worker, but it still doesn't help that I still can't seem to make this experience any more worthwhile.

I have an ulcer, it hurts a bit.

I lost most of my friends due to anger issues and declining mental health in college. Now I'm living in a new town with no social contacts. Outside of work, I don't talk to anyone besides my parents.

I'm not as suicidal as I used to be, but, seeing no future for myself outside of scraping by in customer service jobs, I'll probably kill myself once my parents aren't around anymore. My mom qualifies for social security next month. There's not much time left.

>>23134198
Wolf of Wallstreet was a classic, new age classic. I still need to watch Goodfellas honestly. For vidya I'm always willing to try a game out so I kinda play a little of everything but some favorites are xcom, the silent hill series, SSB, Monster Hunter, Zelda, Fallout, the list goes on. you?

>>23134106
Damn that sucks. And you're so young

>>23134124
Oh I gotchu.

Yeah, so basically I'm 24 and been trying to somewhat find myself in healthcare though am glad that even though I've dealt with this shitty pay that AmeriCorps gives me, I realized that I would have never went for an MPH or MD degree.

It's just hard since all of my coworkers aka other AmeriCorps members are priviledged with being able to live off their parents or boyfriends.

I just feel like I'm chasing rent half of the time and somewhat so screwed.

I did have an amazing gig last night though I must admit (Saturday) and put on some of my friend's bands too. But are they really friends? Maybe... if I tour with them we'll see in June.

Honestly though, I just hate being single here. NY is the worst ever for it. It seems like everyone here is set with school and unless you went to school here, no one takes you in as a friend.

Then again, I met that Chinese girl at a house show in Queens last summer and she approached me so I guess that's a plus.

I just can't seem to find anyone worthwhile yet, and I've tried online stuff too :(. Being a poor white dude sucks at times.

I'm pretty good at guitar and synth though :/

I'm looking into how to take 3 pre-req classes to possibly go back to school for nursing full time.

But honestly, I'm too emotional for things at times. Dude, I even broke down in front of my supervisors last week when he mentioned my friend situation and had to apologize for the whole thing. It was in his office but I was like, "Hey, I break down at home and don't really want to do this at work, I'm sorry"

Thankfully he used to be a social worker, but it still doesn't help that I still can't seem to make this experience any more worthwhile.

>>23134204
Send me an email to my gmail account.

timebear.psn

We can email or add eachother on facebook or something dude

>>23134254
I feel like it's just my fate at this point. I don't take it too harshly.

>>23134296
Just sent an e-mail, lemme know if you got it.

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To everyone who thinks they wanna be with a girl they obsess about.

I was struck blind with love because I finally started dating the woman I had a crush on for years from highschool.

I thought I loved everything about her, simply because I finally had her for myself.

Within 2 years of dating, we get married and move in together, things still going ok.

This whole time, I thought she was the perfect person for me just because I was obsessed with her in highschool.

After the high wore off, I start to wonder what it was about her that I thought I liked. Yeah, she was cute and shy, but our personalities don't really match well, we don't like anything similar (like games, music, shows, food, anything really.)

I still love her, but I feel like everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do. I'm all she has and I'm pretty sure she would try to kill herself if I ended things.

But she physically and emotional abuses me and even controls what we do and when. I don't even feel like a free human being anymore.

If I ever say no to sex, she tells me "You're not allowed to say no, youre a guy and guys always want it".

I got harrassed for not wanting sex, then she'll yell at me and hit me, until I say yes.

I can barely stay on my computer for long without being interrupted, my xbox has turned into a netflix machine.

I'd rather live with a good friend and masturbate for the rest of my life than live the rest of it like this. Like a slave

I work 40 hours and week and go to school full time while she constantly ditches her class, then skips work to make up for the classes, while also recklessly spending all the money I make on "stuff we need" like more clothes that will be worn once and thrown in the closet.

My life is a cesspool of everything I don't want it to be. How did I let it come to this?

What happend b?

What happened...

I was a little beta faggot that took whatever fell into his lap. Don't settle for anything, never. Go for what you know you want.

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I have a decent muscly body now that I've worked out mad for a year, but with a shitty face like this I can barely convince anyone to even give me the time of day.

Also I'm constantly surrounded by blindly positive idiots who fail to see the privileges they enjoy that enable them to be with girls, so the advice from them is horrible and unrealistic.

They kept saying they wanna help out for years but they never invite you to shit to begin with. I wouldn't be surprised if they're the reason why I'm treated like the ugly duckling at social gatherings I invite myself to.

My paranoia is killing me. Turning 30 in a few months and still no gf.

>>23134339
Man, I'm sorry to hear that. I used to obsess over girls / crushes until I have had probably the last two just ruin me for a bit.

The only thing I can say is that at least you have someone in your life. Nothing is honestly worse than working 40 hours a week as a single male and going home to yourself.

If I didn't have a guitar / synth in my life, I don't know what else I would do to vent about stupid life shit man.

Jacking off gets old fast honestly man. Maybe see how you can somehow both be happy.

She sounds way too manipulative though. I have never heard of a woman demanding sex from a dude 0_o, dude that's abuse.

>>23134354
You don't look 30 at all. No matter how much you lift it won't fix feeling ugly.

I recently had the worst moment ever. I had been bottling up a lot and it built over months. Losing my job, being injured, being useless while injured. Christmas made me snap, I came home and just drank as much as I could as fast as I could, I blacked out, I took a handful of muscle relaxers and my brother and 2 best friends found me and kept me concious. They eventually had to take me to the ER.

I kept telling my brother I wanted to die, and that they would be happier if I was gone. That they didn't need me and had each other. Needless to say I'm not dead, but now I feel empty, and after losing my job of 3yrs idk what to do.

There's this smartphone application that behaves like a two-way radio. You connect to a channel number, and talk to whoever is on the other end. I really like the idea of sharing the channel number on a message board and talking to people from all over the world. It is
really interesting talking to anons IRL.

The application is called 'Two Way: Walkie Talkie' and is available for Android and iOS.
http://www.1mobile.com/two-way-walkie-talkie-2355827.html
https://itunes.apple.com/ie/app/two-way-walkie-talkie/id595560554?mt=8

Be conscious that others may be listening to your conversation. Be careful what you say - don't reveal your exact address or anything like that.
Be aware the app is fairly buggy and you should expect it to crash on occasion. Force-stopping and re-entering the app usually provides a solution.

>The channel number is 757575.

>>23134880
Agreed. Oh well, at least I have a fuckton of money.

I tried changing my personality and letting everybody (including girls) push me around for the sake of socializing, but I got jack shit from it.

People are begging me to stop being an asshole. I cordially invite them to go fuck themselves in turn, because it was mostly their decision to fuck me over that got me here to begin with.

This one happened recently. I meet a girl in class last semester, is cute, but not in the traditional sense but think all her features go togethor, plus I spent think she realized how pretty she was which made her cuter in my eyes. Wanted to ask her out, but I pussy out when ever I try, but still do things like talk to her in class. Finally work up the courage to ask her out but figure I should start with small talk first before I can get the first sentence out she says she could see I liked her and that she wasn't interested. I tried to play it cool like it didn't face me so just ask her why. She starts saying the same stereotype responses like " I'm not looking for a relationship right now" or " I'm inn the complicated thing with this guy". I'm postive this guy doesn't even exist and find later on rhroguh the conversation that she says conflicting things to it by saying she never even dated anyone. Get sad of course there's more a lot of cringy stuff I did if anyone wants to hear about that.

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Been in love with someone for over 4 years, was with them for just over 1 and I'm terrified these feelings are never going to go away, feels heavy in my stomach and hurts in my chest when I see them

The love of my life used to love me back, but now she hates me and thinks I'm annoying and is moving on and I still love her too much to deal with it. I spend most of my days lying on the floor checking my phone every 5 seconds to see if she's replied. Shits rough man.

>>23135856
Dude, cut them off. There's no point in chasing people who can't see you in front of them.

>>23136298
whoops, meant >>23136008

I'm f.

I realize why I'm so mortified of comittment and it is because I just can't trust myself with other people.

I'm moody and reclusive yet I'm outwardly social and friendly. Always some kind of fucked up contradiction. Intelligent yet I act like I don't know anything because I was (what seemed to be) trained to be like that from an early age. So, everytime I get into a decent convo I freeze up and look like an idiot.

This raging destructive cycle has caused me so many failed relationships or ones where they thought I was one way and just ended up being confused messes.

>"Wait. I didn't think that you knew this stuff, femanon. Why have you been acting stupid? Do you think I'm stupid?"

It's my fault for being attracted to jerks and I do at least try and tell these guys how crazy I am. But, no one ever believes me.

So, whenever I break up with someone (running away) it's typically because I don't want to hurt them and drag them down with my fucked mind. But, I always end up harming them anyway.

So, after 5 years of talk therapy I've gotten so much better but I have such a long, lonely road ahead of me. Which is fine, tbqh. I'd rather have lonely than turbulence in romance.

I dont even know why I'm posting here. I thought it would make me feel better getting this stuff out . Eh. Sorry anons.

>>23136547
If you don't mind me asking: a lot of the media speaks on your behalf when they say annoying shit like "girls only like assholes" and whatnot, so I cordially want to ask you myself:

Now that I'm turning into a jerk because of all the rejections I've had to endure letting girls push me around and shit, do you think the world is better filled with assertive assholes that want to take you for themselves, or kind guys that want to respect your space and desire to heal?

The woman I love (actually not so sure as of late) keeps telling me she loves me too, and that she knows we'll be together in the future, but not right now. Apparently it's too, and I quote "Inconvinient" for her to date me right now, so she's dating someone else.

I thought I loved her but this is just so selfish to me. It's not fair to the person she's with now, it's not fair to anyone else I may end up with, and it's not fair to me. The only person who doesnt get hurt in her scenario is her. And I hate having these thoughts about someone I care about. it's awful. But I'm just so fucking lonely lately. And this just made it worse. I'm almost 23 but havent had an honest relationship in about 4 years because I'm scared whoever I be with will eventually grow dull of me and leave, like always. I'm not even unattractive or gross or anything, I've just lost all motivation because everyone I've ever convinced myself I loved has fucked me over and this was the last straw
Why can't anyone ever just be honest and stick to what they say? I don't understand, it's easy for me, at least. If I say I love someone I'm prepared to stick it out, you'd probably have to try and kill me to get me to leave you

Broke as f . friendzoned after 3 years of answering to any thing she needs . left with sm bigshot dude that got her a good job . now I'm jobless living with moms with depression problems wondering wtf is nxt
Couldn't luv u she said , not good enough is what I understood

>>23136568
Tbqh, senpai. A lot of the guys I meet are initially really sweet. I chase after shy guys, I just forget that they can be mean, too.

Jock looking guys turn me off really quick. Then again, the only nice guy I ever dated was a jock and he was the sweetest. He died tho. It really messed me up.

But, to answer your question.. there is a real need for balance and with so many different personalities it is hard to be at either end of the spectrum. In other words, there is no way I can answer that.

To imagine a world with just assholes is awful and a world full of just nice guys seem boring. Both equally bad.

Sorry if I sounded like a douche but that's how I feel about that.

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>>23134235
Sorry I didn't respond sooner anon, I wrote out a whole response and thought I posted it but apparantly I didn't. So at the moment I'm plying bloodborne and Disgaea but my PC has killed itself so I'm left with only console stuff. All the stuff you've listed (apart from silent hill) I have played though and like them.

my exboyfriend has a new girlfriend and i want to die

>>23137425
holy shit same dude my situation is so fucking similar to that

I keep having moments where I think I need to break up with my gf of nearly 2 years, wondering am I missing out on other things or am I still with her just for the sake of it
But then whenever Im with her I just forget about it all and Im happy to be with her

19 - Get my first girlfriend. She's 17 and mental as fuck but I love her for a bit until I realise how evil, manipulative and bitchy she is. She ruined my life.

20 - I split up with her and a week later kissed another girl and my ex keyed my car (£400 worth of damage). The new girl starts seeing me for a bit but isnt over her ex and gets back with him and sends me a snapchat of them in bed with their middle fingers up.

I've smoked about £200 worth of weed in the past 3 days I want to kill myself. I got nobody worth anything to me left in my life and I feel like all I wanna do is get high and avoid social interaction.

>be me, gay af
>Family moved to a new state just before turning 16, tried to do online school shit for a while, didn't work out(we had shitty net that could barely load the school's pages, couldn't afford better at the time)
>Tried to get into an actual school a year later, when I was 17, but they wouldn't take a sophomore older than 16 for some reason
>Pretty much gave up since I didn't live close enough to any other school to actually make it there on time and be awake enough to focus on anything
>Basically become a shut-in proto-wizard, start playing tabletop games online with some other nerds I know, do that for a long while
>Now
>Be 21
>Still a NEET
>Only recently started leaving the house on my own, and so far never longer than an hour at a time(don't know anywhere to go and walking for an hour tires me tf out)
>Got some new-ish (internet)friends telling me I need to get a job, or at least my GED, learn how to drive, etc etc become a functioning adult
>Have mentioned wanting to do these things to my mom, she says I should wait to get a job until we move(AGAIN), keeps forgetting to get me the info for this place she mentioned that I could go to study/take test for GED, doesn't wanna teach me to drive in the city because she already hates driving in the city, never has the time to take me out to somewhere with less crazy driving conditions
>Been using grindr since thanksgiving, trying to lose my virginity. Still no luck, gotten like 9 or 10 guys who seem completely up for having sex with me, then suddenly flake at some point or another
>Recently started coming to /soc/ and looking at shit on reddit/craigslist as well
>Met a dude on reddit who lived close by, was up for taking my virginity, etc.
>Start talking to him on kik, he seems cool, only a couple of years older(23) than me, eventually asks me to send a dick pic. I send one and ask for him to send something back, he says he will but never does, hasn't said anything again since
>Even reposted his reddit shit

>tfw he takes your virginity and leaves without saying bye

>>23138507
Date me instead I'll never leave you and am moderately attractive. I can even cook

>>23138507
>>23138514
really though let's talk about our similar situations
Perspective is important

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Going to post in more detail now:
I have autism. It took me years and years to figure out how to control my body and interact with other people. Being full age groups behind everyone else is normal for me. Everything requires so much effort. Now I have progressed far enough to WANT intimate contact with someone. I have a vibrant social life but cannot form close attachments despite how hard I try. People are so nice to me but I feel so artificial. I guess it's because nothing comes naturally to me, controlling my body takes up most of my effort, then recognizing people, and going through social situations is brutal. Being alive takes so much energy. When I feel emotion for someone it is so overwhelming and I can't hold it in. I live and breathe them. As I said, I would like to be able to love someone, but I have never managed a successful relationship. Everyone else in my age group is married and sometimes kids, it is so frustrating to not be able to be with a girl period. I am resigning myself to the fact that I cannot form true social bonds with human beings.

If you have autism, or have some modicum of understanding of my situation, and are a girl, I would appreciate it if you spoke to me in this thread. A girl with autism posted here a while back and I emailed her but she never responded. That is what always happens.

>>23112860
Sucks doesn't it... How old are you?

>>23138582
Don't rely on your mom, the local community college should be able to point you to a ged program I'd Google does not. Walking is a great way to get into or stay in shape. Online dating isn't all thaf. You'll meet someone as things start falling into place. Your goals are extremely reachable. You just have to put the effort into making them happen.

Just in three days I:
>Crashed my car
>Found out my crush is about to be going out with someone
>Got about a week behind on my school work
>realized that I have no chance with any of the girls that I know

>>23139202
Focus on school
Meet new girls
Start saving up
Time management dude. Get off 4chan. Get your shit together.

I doubt anyone is going to read this, but if you do you might not understand it. I don't even understand it myself. But I am really curious if someone might reconize my feelings.

I got something to say, but it's really hard to explain. Especially with the language barrier. Here we go;

When I was around 11 years old I started using the computer more and more. I became addicted to the internet and started chatting with a lot strangers. Years went by and I almost knew no better than the internet. I started to feel different. Sometimes memories of the old days came back into my mind with the feelings I had that day, they felt so different towards what I feel and see now.
It's hard to explain but I feel lifeless the past couple of years. Real life doesn't feel real anymore. When I am on a device or a computer my emotions and time feels real. When I am living my life outside it doesn't feel like I am actually alive. Everything feels like a memory. I know I am actually here, but I have thus vague feeling that makes everything feel like a memory. You know when you think about something in your head, you see the images but not the real emotions? I feel like that every single day. Days go by and I feel emotionless. The only thing that kept me away from killing myself is my love for art and the desire to get good.
Is anyone familiar with the feeling I tried to describe?..

>>23138240
No worries, I was just asking for your personal opinion, which you are completely entitled to.

>a world full of just nice guys seems boring

...which explains why the girls rejected and bullied me (not the same thing, of course - but I experienced both during that phase of my life people thought of me as just angelic).

I've become really buff and bitter, just mocking anything and everything and rarely taking things seriously, because people have become too fucking predictable and boring. Even girls I slightly crushed on, watching them decide to go out with really lame white guys just because they're alive and white and very little beyond those two adjectives, lol. It helps me cope with my ugly ass face and inferior race.

On the bright side, I felt super happy today for being able to complete a clean chin-up with a 210+ lbs body of muscle and fat. The view was spectacular.

>>23138507
Move on.

You weren't created to please him. You're not his bitch. He may or may not fuck up, but the important thing is you. You don't need to be happy, you just need to have him out of your head and swing to the next cock like Tarzan.

>>23138532
Then why the fuck are you conflicted? Just be with her you fag.

>>23138557

Erase any and all traces of either bitches from your life, you need to quarantine your brain asap friend.

Prioritize male gatherings AS MUCH AS YOU CAN RIGHT NOW. And cut off any faggots that remind you of any of that shit you described. I'm serious, you need to find every possible way to move on as quickly as you can.

>>23139431
Dude, what you need is a wingman.

If you're gonna go the alpha dude route, go on Meetups.com, look up ones near your area that are like 20 or 30 something young professionals groups that go out every week.

If you're gonna play it off like you have a good body, you just need to up your game to pretty much go into clubs or bars to promote yourself.

You already won half the battle there anyway, since most girls in those settings are looking for alpha dudes anyway and are just looking for one off type situations.

It's something that I personally can't pull off as a emo skinny white musician dude type, but I would totally at least try if I were that buff mang.

I'm more into live shows so I've been trying to literally do more shows with my band / go to local shows to get to know more people.

Do what you like to do, and you'll find people that can help you move forward. A spotting gym friend could be your best wingman too.

Literally, even a person like ME had enough guts to do this route a couple times in college because my one buddy was a semi-pro MMA fighter type that just gave off that energy and he pushed me to go approach girls, and it totally works in clubs. You will get rejected by a few, but there are ALWAYS a couple who will give you time.

Keep trying dude!

>>23139063

I can somewhat relate, though I was forced into your situation by a girl I "dated" online for 5 years when I was stuck in another country (turns out she had a boyfriend all along and was just using me for fun online).

When I came to the US, it took me years to realize the damage that bitch did to my growing up - rather than let me see real human beings, I was stuck believing she was going to be waiting for me and shit. She pretended she didn't even know me.

To date, I'm still struggling to understand how relationships form. I'm avoiding a lot of shit now due to paranoia and induced douchebaggery (due to how douchey others have been to me), but I almost always fail to connect with anyone out there beyond acquaintanceship.

I don't know what to do either to move into a real relationship with someone.

>>23112824
>I was abused in almost everyway you could imagine as a child
>Suicidal since age 9
>Everytime someone touches me I cringe
>I don't know how to get over my fear of being touched
>I feel useless all of the time
>I want to be able to let someone in my life, but I don't want to be a burden to anyone
>I've isolated myself from my friends and most of my family
>I haven't really talked to anyone in 8 months aside from 4chan
>I'm slowly becoming more alone
>more depressed
>I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life anymore

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>tfw crippling depression and anxiety cause me to quit school indefinitely
>tfw all my friends are going to start grad school or med school in the fall after they graduate this year
>tfw I can't bring myself to tell them so as far as they know I'm still in school

feels bad

Yes im an asshole, my story:

I'd always had a thing for her, the only reason i got my girlfriend was because she got her boyfriend, i decided it's just easy to care about her brotherly then chase after her my entire life.

After about a year of us being with our bf/gfs she asks me out on a date to wind her boyfriend up (he always felt threatened by me, i made him cry on a few occasions, he was beta as fuck), when i said no and refused to play along because i felt bad for him she got sad.

I asked her a day or so later why she was sad, said she actually would want to go on a date, just to try it, said to not tell him etc etc, so i thought fuck it, i'll just see it as us hanging out and going shopping like we have a few times before.

We go out to a shopping center a few towns away (brighton for any brit fags) and have a great time, her arms hooked in mine all day and we pick her up a new game (destiny) because she loves mmos.

When we get back to hers its chill, but different, we playfight like we always do, but she just sat cowgirl on me for a while, i went to leave to go round my girlfriends after a certain amount of time and she just grabbed me, and told me to kiss her, i did it, but regretted it immediately, she was just horny and missed her boyfriend (It was long distance, he lived over 300 miles away).

I pulled away and said "If we're doing this, you need to know how i feel about you, i've always felt that way, i'm only doing this if you feel the same way and you're not just horny", she said shes always had the same feelings, i said i needed to think about it and left, she then dropped to her knees and said the hottest shit i've ever heard to this day. "Please fuck my throat and then me anon, I need you".
(She was into petplay and so am i, she started whining like a dog when i said no)

I had to leave, i was late to see my girlfriend and left, i felt like such a cunt when i got to my girlfriends and texted her saying no.

>>23139531
Its worth mentioning at this point that me and her no longer talk. She ended up fucking my best friend while me and her were still a thing once me and him moved in together. I'm stuck in a tenancy for a year with him and i have 6 months left of it, so i still have to see her sometimes but i tell her shes a cunt and i want nothing to do with her.

where we left off:

Me and my girlfriend argued, it was over some shit that was stupid, but we argued, i left hers angry and just texted my friend that the next time i see her "Im fucking her like a good bitch" (She fucking craved being called a good girl).

We dirty talked over text for a few days until we could see each other again, when we did, it was awkward, i ate her out and she began to suck my dick, she loved it, kinda, but had to stop, saying she felt so horrible, i understood and said we'd take it slow, she said "no", felt shitty but oh well, it didn't make things awkward so whatever.

A few weeks pass, and she comes back begging for more, so i give her more, slowly, and then she tells me "Anon, i can only have anal, my pussy is way to sensitive, my bf tried it once and it hurt way too much". Jackpoooot.

Over time we progress, staying to blowjobs and cunt munching, GF and her BF are none the wiser, we hung out before and now we were still just "hanging out" to them.

>>23139502
sounds like me anon, if you were a girl in the midwest, I would say we should meet up. lol

>>23139542
So, lets skip a few months, she's hinting that she wants to fuck, she's called it off a few times but keeps crawling back.

Things are great, i come over, play video games with her, get a blowjob and get to be called "sir" and told "fuck my throat until i choke master", never felt more alive.

Another time skip. To when we first fuck.

It's the first time in a while i stay the night, girlfriends kinda off about it but lets it happen, so, i'm there and we're just grinding on eachother, i'm hard as diamonds and she's cleaned her ass just for me, while we're grinding she literally just fucking slides me in her ass after spitting on my dick.

Ho-lee-fuk it was amazing, i fucked her brains out, she was fucking screaming the entire time, not out of pain, i felt close to busting a nut so told her and she begged me to "fucking cum in my ass right now anon". So i did.

We fucked a few more times until i left and went to my girlfriends, had a shower at hers and then went and fucked her a few times.

Time skip again, we've fucked a couple more times, she wants it public so we do it in the local park, never been more turned on, plus i fuck her while she talks to her boyfriend on skype a few times.

I'm gunna go to a noteworthy event here, it's when i fucked up and fell in love. Will continue in the next post.

>>23139483
That actually sounds pretty cool.

Here's the thing tho, the wingmen who "offered" help did nothing more than just stay in touch with me while NEVER inviting me to any events whatsoever.

I once knew this guy who said he wanted to help (he already had a gf, he was skinny af and always played the available humanitarian), and said he'd be my wingman. For 3 months all he did was like my posts on Facebook and that's it.

So one day I got so pissed, I figuratively flipped him off and cut him completely from my life without an explanation. The next time he saw me, he just grinned and made out with his gf in front of me to get back at me for what I did.

I tried going to clubs, but I found out I'm horrible (or just asleep) when I'm somewhat tipsy or drunk. I won't stop though, I just need to learn to dance better.

>MMA
I've had formal military training in Egypt for 2 years, so it was really healing for me to beat the shit a month ago out of this other tall faggot who would molest me in front of his gf whenever he wanted to say hi (I don't know about you, but where I come from, squeezing a guy's chest from behind is sort of emasculating if you ask me). I'd warned him several times but he didn't stop, so he got a decent ass kicking till security pried me off of him.

So what did everybody decide to do? Rather than check on me or ask what happened, they decided to side with him instead and isolate me.

tl;dr everybody's a fucking faggot. I'm more inclined to do things on my own.

>>23139550
I fell in love with her when we were out at a dinner party for a friends birthday, she had her hand on my leg the entire time under the table when nobody could see, i literally sold my phone last week but i wish i could show you all the fuckin texts i was getting. One of them begged me to stay over so i did.

We fucked and it was hot as shit, she was making my choke her till she nearly passed out while i was fucking her ass from behind.

After it happened, we laid there and she said the part that made me fall in love with her "I don't think i can go back anon, your amazing, you're there for me when he's not and I couldn't imagine life without you, even if we wern't fucking".

Love is fucking complicated anons, i have a girlfriend who i'm pretty sure i love to this day, even though i've cheated on her with this girl. But this, this was something else, i wanted her and i felt like i'd fucking earnt it.

It was around this time that she started talking to my best guy friend more, only natural, we were a secret couple, and she never really mixed with my friends, me and him were moving in and she was into threesomes, so she played with the idea of us tag teaming her, not really my thing and i told her it, she was fine with that.

But then the talking happened more frequent and the fucking less, i thought nothing of it, she still fucking begged for me some nights and i'd be there to fuck her in her ass, then i'd blackmail her i ever felt bored to come and fuck me or id tell her boyfriend.

The next part makes me fucking angry to this day, i'll make another post for it.

>modest town 'straya
>no car/licence. Never needed them
>live with full on autist-tier NEET housemates
>every hour of the day there's a 30% chance somebody is awake. Xmas day is literally the only day of the year I can be alone
>looking for fun. CL fools want me to host (despite saying repeatedly I cannot)
>everyone on grindr is not looking for me or 100+ k's away
>due to said roomates, skype is intermittent

Not the saddest thing in the world. But it's my slice of misfortune

I'm a closeted bisexual who is afraid to tell people and isn't sure of his STD status because I went to a glory hole to experiment out if desperation. I had a break down after

>>23139502
>I don't want to be a burden to anyone

In the words of the great George Carlin: "If somebody offers you help, call their bluff."

Don't be afraid to burden anybody that resembles a friend a little bit with your presence. I know it's tough but it's better than assuming people won't move for you.

You have to start somewhere.

>>23139557
She goes on a date with him without me knowing, he doesn't know me and her are fucking otherwise he would tell my girlfriend because he's a bitch and considering my GF is bipolar as fuck and has attempted suicide before, i didn't feel like having her blood on my hands.

I fucking flip at her, he can't know any of this, he just thinks i have a crush on her, she then tells me "i broke up with my boyfriend, i'm sorry but i don't think i can date you, i wouldn't want to fuck up our friendship".

Im a strong guy emotionally, but holy shit i went home and cried like a fucking bitch, i'd spent all this fucking time on her and actually fallen in love with her that it just destroyed me inside.

I hated my best friend and made sure the prick knew it, especially when he stayed round hers for the first time, i called him a cunt, you know the usual bullshit. I still couldn't tell him what was actually going on, and still can't to this day.

She still flirted with me, and i thought fuck it, look, my friendship with her was great and im pretty sure i can convince her back with my dick, so we go to a movie, and who's there with her? Him, we're roommates but he just said he was going out to have dinner with someone, he'd lied and gone to go out on a date with her which she then invited me to as well.

The movie was shitty (It was fucking Chappie, holy shit it was bad) and the food we went to get after was abysmal, she texted me the entire time while touching him up under the table saying how she was going to fuck him. I should have punched her in her cunt mouth there and then.

But, i had become beta, i just sucked it up, went home, attempted suicide and got diagnosed with depression a few weeks later.

I'm with my girlfriend still, and i'm making it work. As for the girl? Welp, i get to listen to her fuck my best friend every so often and there's fuck all i can do about it, i live far-ish from my gf so i can't go there.

Any questions? Its been a few more weeks.

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No gf...I guess

>>23139574
Are you fucking kidding me.

You're the textbook example of a dude about to steal my next girl, and I don't even have one. I can literally count the minutes to your next faggoty relationship status on my facebook dash, haha

>>23139570
Dude holy shit, the minute your story involves you having sex with a girl, ANY girl, it stops being depressing.

>>23139612
Sex isn't everything.

>>23139619
It's enough for the lonely faggots who are really depressed in these threads.

I won't say get out but seriously, I couldn't even finish your annoying "hurrr I have amazing sex with her and somehow I'm still depressed" bullshit.

>tfw 24 year old kissless friendless virgin
>life over at age 24
>have bad relationship with my parents because i've been a complete loser since i became a teenager so ive always been miserable but not like my parents are all that great either (father is huge asshole, mother is emotionally distant, they provided very well financially for me but money isnt everything)

>only child so i never had a sibling to grow up with to feel close to
>rarely ever saw rest of family where i dont even have anyone within 10 years of my age anyway
>parents were old when i was born (dad 39, mom 33) so i couldnt even feel close generationally to my own parents

>>23139594
Sorry, that ain't me. The 4 gfs I had ended up running away after ~6 months but the last one really loved me...it lasted a year before I broke up for some reason. I still miss her so but I know that things could never be the same again anyways.

>>23139631
Sorry that you can't understand someone can be depressed and still have sex, it's actually the story of what lead up to it if anything, but thanks for judging me without even actually reading it.

As for sex, yeah, its great, but it's not anything special like i said, I understand people are lonely but i can garuntee 90% of them wouldn't be fulfilled if they got to fuck someone. I used to be the same way.

>>23139636
>4 gfs I had ended up running away
>I broke up for some reason

Are you people out of your fucking minds, I'm turning 30 in a few months and I'll have never had a gf my entire fucking life

Get out of here

>>23139641
>I've had amazing sex
>but it wasn't even special

How about I fucking reincarnate you into the frustrated body of a 30 year old kissless, sexless virgin. See how you prefer that.

>>23139653
I get it, i just looked through your posts, i'm sorry about the experiences you've had my man, feel free to take it out on me or calling others "fags" as much as you want.

Whatever makes you happy, although, I guess I can understand why girls wouldn't touch you with a bargepole if this is the kind of person you are in real life who resents women and other people for being happy.

You said you were nearing 30, maybe its time to grow up.

>>23139662

Dude, the amount of autism it takes for you to sound gentle while dissing me is staggering. At the very least I have the balls to speak my mind out without trying to sound like a eunuch.

If you seriously think you're better off being a kissless virgin than whatever the fuck your sex-filled situation is, you need to see a therapist.

All I saw you do was walk into a thread full of lonely depressed people, grab a megaphone and start yelling "I had more sex than any of you and I didn't like it".

Overcompensating much?

>>23139567
Thank you, I've been thinking about trying to talk to people again. I'll remember this when I start to have that dread lurking over me.

>>23139648
well, they weren't much of a girlfriend anyways..sorry for making you feel sad because i'm kind of a has been cool guy

>>23139681
I'm trying to put things in perspective for you.

My theory has always been "if you managed to convince a live human being to be your girlfriend at any previous stage in your life, you WILL be able to do it again".

Your white culture is always full of "getting back in the game". I don't need to ever remind you of how fucking entitled girls treat your ass whenever you make moves on them, and constantly pave the way for you to be their boyfriend more than any other race.

tl;dr you're wasting your time here, get out and find that guaranteed, privileging next gf waiting for you out there.

>>23139679
>Ive had sex more than any of you and didn't like it

Again, read the story, you've obviously skimmed it and completely ignored 90% of it.

>Kissless virgin

Nice projection there buddy

>You need to see a therapist

I do, I think you need to as well pal.

>Overcompensating much?

Not sure what for, but ok.

>I have the balls to speak my mind out without trying to sound like a eunuch

You sound like a genuinely unpleasant guy to be around, please continue to wonder why the she-devil that is women wont be around you.

>>23139693
I'm already seeing a therapist trying to figure out what girls see in guys like you.

Also, regarding your story, unless you've been describing a completely different guy having all that sex with girls out there, I fail to see how I'm supposed to relate or feel sad for you. And I do think the same applies to anyone else in this thread who cared to read 1% of your drivel.

Again, you attacking others for their inability to connect with women is proof you're not in this thread to share any kind of depression, more than just wanting to show off.

I never said women are the she-devil, I'm just trying to figure out how some are stupid to even give you the time of day.

>>23139708
>going to therapy to try to understand girls

think you're going for the wrong reason, I go to improve myself, not to get laid.

Girls arn't the be all end all. I hope you find one though, you seem like a really lonely guy.

>I fail to see how i'm meant to feel sad for you

I never asked you too, just shared my story on how I found myself dealing with depression.

>You attack others for their inability to connect with women

You were the one screaming autism and bullshit while acting generally bitter and aggressive.

>I never said women are the she-devil

No you're right, you didn't, but your bitter attitude towards them will do nothing but push them away, feel free to keep seeing them as an object rather than a human being.

>I'm just trying to figure out how some of them are stupid to even give you the time of day

Because I don't automatically see them and think of them as a partner or someone to fuck, have a think about how you project yourself in your next therapy session, because you seem like a bitter old cunt to me, but thats my opinion that you didnt ask for.

>>23134354
>with a shitty face like this.
You're very attractive and you've aged nicely. Why do you think you're ugly?

>>23139776

An anon in another thread something pretty deep: "if you feel ugly, there's no treating that."

Technically there is, but I do in fact feel ugly. It reflects on my actions and attitude, and thus I'm stuck in this self-fulfilling cycle, even on the off-chance people could find me unattractive.

Hence why I'm really just longing for someone who can pierce through that barrier of bitterness and self-hate.

Money can be a barrier too - I come from a very wealthy family and I'm owning my own new business soon, so I always felt my wealth alienated people around me.

>>23139795
*off-chance people could find me attractive