Why Not Suicide?
I don't know what else to do at this point.
It's clear to me I don't belong in this world. There is no place for me, no way that I could be happy. My mind won't let me be.
I over-examine everything to a fault. It gets to the point that I don't like the things I always liked before. There is just nothing left for me.
Nobody will accept me. All my life I've never had a friend. I've had girlfriends but I always felt that they weren't what I wanted at all. Some loved me more than I knew anybody could love, but I would always feel that we weren't compatible. Nobody understands me. Everybody makes it a point to criticize everything I do and tell me what I should want in life.
The world is hell and people are unbearable. I haven't seen my gf in three-weeks and haven't replied to many of her messages or answered her calls. I know she's scared and misses me but I don't really care about our relationship because I know we'll never have anything to talk about or do together. I don't know what she sees in me. Any time we're together, we don't want to do anything the other wants to do. I hope she wakes up and sees that I'm dead weight.
What does a person do when life literally lacks any happiness?
You don't understand what it's like when your brain REFUSES to be happy.
Every day is a grind. I hate the mere fact that I ever get out of bed for anything at all. No matter what I do, I don't accomplish anything. How can you call it an accomplishment when you have to do it all over again anyway?
Every day it's eat to end the pain, work to eat, and bathe because we have to. Why do these things when you will have to re-do them forever?
Life is one big fucking ass rape. Wake up, get fucked for so many hours on end, and when you go to sleep you understand there is no end, and it will start again tomorrow.
What can one possibly do when their mind is this dysfunctional?
You know that feeling when you first wake up and your muscles are still too relaxed to function? You crawl out of bed and put your shoes on but feel like everything is too damn numb to get them on and then you have to slowly coordinate your hands as you tie your shoes?
This is the result of natural muscle relaxers in your body that keep you from moving while you sleep. They take time to wear off if you wake up out-of-cycle. If you have a regular sleep cycle, your body is better prepared when you wake up as it knows when to stop flowing this chemical.
That's what it feels like all day for me. Every minute I feel heavy, I don't have strength, I'm stuck in perpetual grogginess.
I try to wake myself up by driving recklessly, peeling out and doing other shit that should release adrenaline but realize there is no increased heart rate and no waking up. I'm stuck sleep walking.
So yeah, spend the rest of your life on a heavy dose of muscle relaxers and tell me how fucking great things go for you.
You do know what those do to people, right?
Besides, even if I weren't depressed, I'm cynical as hell.
Everything is beneath me, elementary, childish drivel. Everything somebody says, every opinion, every film or song is steaming shit.
How can I not be cynical? How do I pretend not to see the flaws that I see?
It's like telling somebody not to mind the roaches crawling across their plate. Is there any such thing as a fix???
You're life sounds miserable, but life itself, beyond yours, isn't entirely. I understand where you are, I've been there myself, because of my anonymity, I'll even admit that I've tried to 'cide several times, obviously, unsuccessfully. It's a very dark place that makes it's self very comfortable within one.
Honestly, I believe suicide to be a right, there is within it logic and reason that at times is elusive because of the righteous ethical view, but it's there. Nobody chooses to live, or, at least, can prove they did, it's something just given, without say, this sudden burst of sentience, and yet, ironically, we have this freedom to choose to die, or, in other words, continue to live. There is no ethics, the choice is there regardless of ethics, it is an existential freedom. But don't be fooled, death is not an easy thing, despite what many think.
Speaking personally, death has escaped my grasped, we've shaken hands, and it, itself, decided to unhold and let go. Many might say death is the easy way, but yet they're hypocritical in the sense that they dare not do such a thing beyond meditation. The few people I know who have needed a great forceful and extraordinary push within themselves to succeed; it isn't at all easy. But, to yield, if I can, any words that may be useful...
Regardless of whether you choose now or later, it will inevitably happen without your say: just as once life was unwillingly given, it will be unwilling taken away. And so, find a passion, make a good life decision make a bad one, do bad or good for what you believe, find others whom you are enamored of (this takes time, these people are like buried treasure, and, of course, to reach buried treasure, you must dig through a heap of trash, shit and dirt), try to find the irrefutably good you already posses that treats you well and the irrefutably bad you posses that suits you ill, contaminate you beliefs and ideas and purify them and again contaminate them and purify them...
Live well and die with the most ardent of efforts or live life ill and die with the most pathetic of efforts; I promos I you, you have yet to live and know life, and thus have yet to understand death. Life and death are synonymous and interchangeable, life is easy, death is easy, life is difficult and harsh and death long and slow but swift, all the while relative. Just as life was unwilling given, without say, it will be unwilling taken away, without say.... Live to die, my friend... Take my words, treat them carefully and gratefully, or treat them harshly and scornfully, the freedom is yours
Realize that your 'cynicism' is just a narcissistic defense. You can't accept your inability to accomplish anything of value, so you perceive the world as sharing your incompetence while still insisting you're above it all.
Once you've done that, kill yourself.
You judgmental fucks. Asking a mentally dysfunctional person to just "suck it up" and "BE happy" is like asking the blind to describe colors.
God you're so simple. And people call me crazy for having so much spite for this entire generation.
When I started kindergarten, I had never really interacted with other kids before.
I still remember the first day. I started a few days late for reasons probably attributed to the process of enrollment. The other kids seemed to know eachother. They knew their names and were familiar with one another as if they had been together much longer.
When I first met the others in the class, it was before class was in session. The kids were playing and being naturally unruly as the teacher was conversing with another employee.
I had the opportunity to encounter other kids for the first time, which I was eager to do because I wanted to play with other kids like me.
It took no time at all to realize there were no other kids like me.
At age 5, I was already disgusted by my peers. To see their lack of hygiene, runny noses, seemingly inexplicable babbling, messy habits and sheer lack of coordination made me feel as though I had been locked in the asylum. I couldn't stand them.
I spent more time in elementary talking with the teachers and staff than I did with any of the students. In fact, for kindergarten and 1st grade, the teacher asked if I would help the other students learn to read using flash cards as I was the only literate one. I was able to read before starting school and whether you choose to believe it or not, I was self-taught.
I remember between the ages of 5-7 talking with the mayor and city council quite casually, holding conversations with older people about concepts beyond the comprehension of most people my current age!
And now the world and pop culture is consumed with those snot-nosed panty-wastes.
How do you expect me to cope with this? Unless you have faced this for yourself, you couldn't possibly know what it means to feel as though nobody will ever reach your level. It's like being the last person on earth, as everybody else is merely a decadent monkey.
A few weeks ago I cut my wrist vertically with a razor and a friend walked in on me bleeding out. They stitched me up and hooked me up to a bag like nothing. It's not worth it, and not to be a complete tool but the shite I've been feeling and dealing with for years, especially recently, makes most reasons for suicide look like the whinings of a 13 year old. You know how laying there dying felt? It felt worse. Knowing that now I was truly trapped, unable to change anything, I didn't find release from my pain. It only burned deeper.
Read Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, it didn't help me much before I comitted to the act but there is so much to take from it. In the end, it's your choice alone, and I won't tell you to stop, but you have more to give.
He's obviously crated the thread to pay mind to people's views on suicide, and tell about what they think of his present state, most likely, for a postive take to meagerly create some balance to his almost completely convinced mind. I'm sure he was aware of the typical suck-it-up feedback.
How is it possible to hate an entire generation? I would think it too diverse and complex, filled with too many individuals. I mean, unless, you've generalized, and, to do so, would mean to be an idiot—I'm sure I'm not the first person to say this
In my adult life I have never met somebody as intelligent as I am. It's as though I've spent all of my time coping with a world run by infants.
I could not tell you what it's like to speak with intelligent life, because I haven't found it, and not for lack of trying.
I'm tired of trying to talk with infants. How long do you think somebody can turn the jack-in-the-box before it becomes menial condescending dreck???
Even though I'm sure you aren't, what you describe of yourself sounds most unintelligent. It sounds not that you haven't met intelligence that matches your own in another, it rather sounds as if you lack social skills. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" O. W.
The hardest part about being where I am is that I know if I die there are going to be many people effected.
To many, I'm their favorite person to talk to. I'm polite and I have conversation, but I'm just shooting the shit. I'm the kind of guy that everybody that knows me wants everyone to meet. I'm always this "guy that you HAVE to meet" and I get drug over to somebody and introduced all the time. There are plenty of people that like me, I just wouldn't go out of my way to seek their company the way they do for mine.
I have no trouble talking with any person. But ask yourself, how many empty holes do you gotta dig before you convince yourself there be no gold here?
Bud, I scored 158. That's within the top 0.01 percentile. I don't even have to address how ignorant the rest of your BM sounds.
So social skills aren't the problem, you describe yourself as a cordial and comely person. "There be no gold"? You just mentioned how you would not go out of your way to meet people, I don't think, from what you've provide, that you've actually tried to dig.
About people being affected by your 'cide, if to be your decision, even though they be important by mode of emotions and shared experiences, they're such a small portion of consideration, the world as a whole wouldn't lose anything, it's just an instinctive excuse you've created.
>You just mentioned how you would not go out of your way to meet people
Wrong. I said I don't go out of my way to share in the company of the people that seek mine, in the sense that they've already met me and like to chat with me.
I'm glad to meet people, but around the point where I realize it's the average Joe, I jump off the ride.
>You're so unhappy because you are a contemptful, narcissistic dickhead.
If it were that simple, you'd actually be able to understand it.
Well, that's all well and good for you, I believe, keep trying, you're bound to find the anomaly you desire.
But, that's beside the point... the excuses, you'll keep creating them, and eventually convince yourself to live, as I said 'fore, death is not at all easy, I'm sure you understand by now as you are currently in a state of cognitive dissonance about life and death; it takes an extraordinary force for one to 'cide. Few I know whom were fated to take upon themselves such a force to act
But this, "I'm alone, I'm most intelligent than any other and for this I suffer, this curse," it's a cliché. I now far too many people whom describe themselves identically. There are too many among me, and for this, I would say your in a weak, pathetic state of self loathing that you'll eventually get over about, just like every other. It's ordinary
Although possessing intelligence, you don't have, for a fact, wisdom. And, furthermore, by considering 'cide, you are already, through premeditation, are refusing yourself the experiential acquisition of wisdom.
>be a whiny bitch
>on trial for felonies
>gf committed suicide
>have to get a shot in my ass once a month so I don't die before trial (condition of my bond)
>life still worth living.jpg
It's all a perspective thing man. By all means I should have shit myself the day I got bonded out but somehow it still seems worth it. I don't knock anyone door wanting to though. Becca's was honestly OK with me. Girl had a hard life. Raped from 8-14, got addicted to heroin all kinds of foul shit. I miss her though.
If you feel it's right do it. If you have to ask 4chan if it's OK then it's most likely not right for you. Ya dig?
Your still a whiny little bitch who's just socially retarded. Also call your girlfriend, you may make that call one day to find that there's no answer and never will be.
Confidently and well put. You're response has just made me realize about what an idiot I was for having responded to the creator of this thread. Regardless how he describes himself, he is definitely off putting. My stupidity realized, I thank you.
You use this metaphor about 'describing colors to the blind' yet you flaunt your supposedly high intelligence as a supposed blind man flaunting his 20/20 vision. How could such an intelligent form not recognize its own hypocrisy and stupidity. You're perfectly unbearable