My boyfriend has really low confidence and he suffers from BDD. Every time I give him compliments he denies and say I don't mean it. This morning he was fixing his hair i the bathroom and I came in and hugged him from behind and he complained about his hair. I said "you're just having a bad hairday", he responded "I'm just having a bad looks life". Of course I disagreed, but these things is starting to happen more often. I try to tell him that he's handsome every day but he never believes me and he's always upset about that he has to show himself to the world. He's the best relationship I've ever had, but it's making me so upset that he hates his own body and eveything about his looks, when he's so beautiful and kind.
Please tell me how to help my boyfriend. Any similar experiences?
He looks like my boyfriend
>tfw 23yo male and also suffer BDD
But it's so much worse and soul crushing. When I could never get a date, gf, notice compliments or girls checking me out, no real positive validation on here except from some guy.. Some people just don't know how good they have it.
My bf is 24, you must have a lot in common. So you wouldn't recommend that I suggested he should try to go to a rate thread on /soc/ as it might make it worse? Would you say /soc/ made your case worse?
Also, I think maybe some people can't get a date because they don't try to get a date. Just look at Elliot Rodger.
/soc/ makes things a lot, lot worse. At first I was just curious since never dated but the results where really heartbreaking. I never even felt that bad about myself till I came here. I recommend he see a therapist like what I do. But I guess not much can be done if a very reassuring gf isn't enough. I'd kill for that. Also it's funny you mention Elliot Rodgsrs because I've been compared to him quite a lot. I've been told I look like him but worse and that I'm probably a creep like him when I know damn well I'm not. I've found that the more I worry about my looks, the worse I end up feeling through failed validation or getting nowhere in life, what have you. Tell your bf to look around at all the mildly ugly or obese people enjoying themselves. I try to take note of it though I feel bitter still.
May I ask for a picture of you, if it's not too much? You got me all curious.
And well he says that his relationships have all been based on his personality which "is the only thing he got".
I'm not sure if we can get him a therapist, we live in Spain, though neither of us knows spanish. And he has a few money problems at the moment. He was offered medication in his homecountry but he didn't take it as it would basically change who you are as a person.
Was he picked on or teased a lot growing up? Maybe he was convinced of his idea that he's ugly through trauma in the past. BDD won't heal on its own. Obviously his personality isn't "all" he's got if he actually had a relationship instead of just friendships. Spain? Wow, that's cool. Just got tired of the US? And what kind of medication is that?! Sounds bonkers
Well doesn't really surprise me, you would never take my compliments either.
He wasn't picked on or teased. Though he told me once that he never shows his thighs in public, because a girl once said he had big thighs when he was a kid.
We're not from the US, he's from Norway, I'm from Denmark, we met each other in Spain
The only thing that can MAYBE help with that is very intensive therapy such as https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy and maybe medication such as https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor
Shit sucks, I'm on that type of medication for anxiety and depression. It helps for a lot of things. There are risks with the medication though, you can get even worse. It can change your life for the best though, and it usually does. I'm pretty knowledgeable about mental disorders and treatment. I may be able to help a bit.
Hmm interesting, sorry! Yeah your bf sounds similar to me. Haha I have big thighs too but I've never stressed much and thought if anything it's good! I wish your bf the best of luck but seriously let him know that there are options even other than meds to help.
I take antidepressants now. Can't say CBT did much for me
I don't really think he want's help. He said it was easiest just to accept that he's ugly. But I just really want to know if there is anything I can do. Seeing him like this is unbareable
>/soc/ makes things a lot worse
Psh, no it doesn't. This place is a huge box where it's uncommon to see a rate below 5, and even less common to see someone consistently rated below a 5. I'm okay looking, and I'm given 6-7.5 consistently
He has a supportive GF, there's not much more that can be done. The only thing you could change that might work is be different about how you support him. Don't come across like you're pitying him or that he's so gentle (even though he is). Act like you can't resist him, jump him, no woman would do that out of pity.
Yeah. Therapy isn't always what people want. All I can say is that antidepressants are the only thing a doctor could do. I wish there was more. It's quite a bit like a friend that I used to know who has delusional disorder. You just can't convince them otherwise with words alone. It's terrifying.
I agree with the jump him thing, my gf (who I sadly dumped very recently due to depression and shit) did that kind of stuff and it does wonders for almost any guy's self confidence. Trying this is definitely worth it.