Looking for women willing to trash my house for money. Please

What the fuck is wrong with you

>>20150478

I have a fetish for misery. Particularity my own

I live alone and have insurance for all of this and i'm just sick of coming home to a perfect normal house

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>>20150489
>>20150464

>>20150730

I love how people assume i'm joking

please come to my house, take the car keys to my hummer and drive it over my rosebushes

>>20151135
I am a male and used to work in construction. Do you want to pay me to do it?

>>20150478
He's trying to sue people.

>>20151161

Wrong faggot. I do this every 6 months and those women leave with bars filled with money

however it's that time again

>>20151142

...are you at least a very convincing trap?

where are you located because i'm in

>>20151190

You female?

>>20151199
yessir

this is the thread of the night

>>20151203

How well can you operate power tools

I need you to chainsaw my couch to shreds. Along with cutting down all the trees in my backyard and call me a dirty hippy.

>>20151204

Dont act like there is a limit to how many women I need for this

if 20 cars come outside my house armed with power tools please help yourself to the wine before the destruction

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>>20151177
Nigga, if you're gonna pay me big money to destroy your house, I can be whatever you want me to be.

>>20151217
but I'm a dirty hippy, I could never attack someone else for being one
and moderately well, I'm pretty short so if I lose control and injure myself you're gonna have to take me to the hospital

>>20151228
Lol'd hard

>>20151233

I'll pay any bills revolving any injury what I ask is for you to be careful but have fun

I'm a little hesitant giving you a chainsaw and you calling yourself a hippy. Because I want you to flat out destroy all my plants and call me a "tree hugging faggot."

>>20151228

...Put on 20 padded bras, lipstick, eyeliner, and bring the cheapest bottle of Jack so I cant tell the difference anymore

>>20151251
my hippiness is only slightly outweighed by my mean streak. I can definitely do that, as long as you let me spit on you and throw dead plants at your face as well.

>>20151263

run over my rose buses with my hummer i'll even give you the keys and please cut down all my trees

say "i'll make toothpicks out of your little backyard forest"

fucking tear my california king bed to shreads with a chainsaw

>>20151255
Let me destroy your computer and monitor by tossing them through your windows then back inside breaking all windows then throw them at your Hummer's windows finally just sticking the broken pieces inside the exhaust pipe and the engine. Then you can walk your ass you the nearest electronic store and buy me another computer to destroy right at the cashier's counter.

>>20151282

I'm not trying to be funny but don't you think your insurance company is going to call bullshit on you putting in a claim for your house getting destroyed every few months?

>>20151294
to*

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>>20151255
The funny part is that if I bothered to shave, I'd actually make a decent trap. I've thought about doing it before, but man, the effort.

I'll just sick with that twink life.

>>20151294

Yeah because an aggressive tranny destroy my new computer makes perfect sense.

You better fucking stuff those padded bras and liquor me the fuck up to the point where I cant tell the difference between a woman and a trap

>>20151299
He can just tell them that people really hate hes fucking guts.

>>20151299

So long as they get money from me they dont care.

They're a business. I'm paying them.

>>20151303

Also you gotta sound like a woman. Try to sound as motherly as possible when breaking my shit

>Oops. I broke that ming vase of yours. And this painting! and your televison! and your expensive china!

and just keep going

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>>20151324
>sound like a woman

My one weakness. My voice is disproportionately deep compared to how girly my body is. I got hips like the universe thought I might be having kids some day, then realized I was a dude and just went; "Nah, fuck it. Just leave 'em."

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to get an actual job.

>>20151382

Maybe you can put a helium tank in your ass and using your cheeks you can limit the gauge to match your voice

>>20151390
I like it. What else is modern science for, if not creating ass operated voice modules?

>>20151311
>>20151316

Insurance companies don't want to keep paying out, and they're going to employ private investigators to look into you if you keep making the same type of claim every couple of months. You're going to end up in prison for insurance fraud if you are really pulling this shit as often as you say.

>>20151401

Reason why I need you to sound like a girl and look like a girl is because cheap liquor gets me boozed up the fastest I dont know why

but I will snap out of it immediently if I hear something that doesn't sound right. Like if i'm fucking a woman and her voice ends up sounding like nails on a chalk board chances are I am fucking a guy

luckily this hasn't happened yet

>>20151413

I'll be fine.

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>>20151217
I'm 18 with a background in contruction. Where are you

>>20151590

Before I get into that do you promise to be really into it

I want my whole backyard looking like where you'd put a strip mall

and I want you to call me horrible horrible names. names that would make tree huggers wanna kill themselves seriously go to town with that chainsaw

Im interested. in California?

>>20151636

Absolutely.

>>20151622
Oh man, this sounds like so much fun. Fly me out there.

>>20151673

I want every tree in my backyard to be toothpicks I want my house to look like it was "Project X" to death

I pay women extra money who come hungry. There is white bread and things to make sandwiches with on the counter. If you eat while you trash stuff I will gladly pay you extra

the more the merrier.

>>20151686
Have a bag of weed waiting for me and I will destroy your entire pantry with my mouth

>>20151725

They'll be a duffle bags worth. also alcohol

bonus points if your a woman and you come wearing an apron

we're talking 4 layer sandwiches. dripping with mayonnaise

>>20151739
I was going to say a bag of weed and a maid uniform
but an apron will suffice
I'll have to brb though real quick!

>>20151762

NO! maid uniform is perfect

please play it off as ditzy as possible

>Hello sir I heard your house needed a deep cleaning that's why I brought this chainsaw and sledgehammer

for every sandwich you put in your mouth the harder my dick is gonna be

>>20150464
Location?

>>20151813

You female?

This is the most hilarious thread.

I really fucking hope this is real, any chance you'd be willing to post pictures of your house trashed from previous times OP?

>>20151874
im an interested female...location?

>>20151927

California. I'm gonna need you to operate power tools and take sick pleasure in destroying my place. Cut down all my trees, rip my curtains to shreads, drive my car over rosebushes

>>20151915

Normally I only allow women to come to these events because women have the most pent up aggression

if your a boy and really REALLY wanna go...you need to go the extra mile and be the most convincing trap you can be. Then fucking force feed me liquor...lots of liquor while I watch and masturbate to all the progress

I'll get even harder if you eat while you break shit.

>>20151778
I'm back
Playing it ditzy won't be a problem if there's alcohol there too

>>20151968

Yep. 20 different kinds of hard liquor.

and please feel free to make and eat as many sandwiches as possible while you trash my place

I like my women volunteers to be hungry and lick the tears off my face at all the mindless destruction

spit on me, yell as loud as you can, masturbate along to the destruction.

>>20151957
i totally would but i live on the east coast

>>20151991

You mean like LA?

You need to be really really into it

>Let's cut down these faggots trees. let's break this fuckers dishes

>>20151975
Shit I'll do all this with a vibrating butt plug in my ass that's remotely controlled by you

>>20152010

oh god please my dick can only get so erect.

come hungry, come willing, and come ready to make me miserable. and leave feeling satisfied like you dont give a shit about what you just did

>>20152003
no no like i live around washington dc

if i lived in california i would totally do it-- im definitely really into it

>>20152031
*Patiently awaiting plane tickets so I make you cry for a week

>>20152046

So long as you're a woman, you're hot and willing to go the extra mile to get piad extra you're all set

aprons, maid outfits, or nothing at all.

Casual is OK but please understand...my pants will be dropped and i'll be fapping to this and drinking and encouraging

>>20152057

You'd make enough money to fly at least Business once you're done

>>20152074
Is all this without having sex with you?
Is there an added bonus for doing that?

>>20152094

Yep. You dont have to have sex with me but I am open to the option

Just wear the sexiest apron you can find or nothing at all

>>20152066
theres no way i can make it out to california, which is quite a shame

this sounds like a lot of fun

>>20152117
If you have money, and it sounds like you do, feel free to dress me up in absolutely any slutty outfit you desire. Or multiple ones that I would change periodically. As long as I get to keep them

Any way to contact you?

>>20152132

oh. I would have happily offered you a drink.

I would have loved our opening conversation would have started

>is this the place
>judging from how you have a hammer in your hand and i'm not nervous yes this is the place. may I offer you a drink?

>>20152178

are you really giving me this option. I'd fucking make you dress like a slutty hyper materialistic spoiled brat

fucking I want you to rock me in bed and say

>God someone get me a bulldozer i'm gonna pave down that whole forest near your house. I dont even need a reason.

Seriously. Hypermtaerialistic. someone who flat out hates the environemnt and longs to destroy it

you can contact me via email

>>20152215
What is your email because this sounds like a shit load of fun

>>20152238

I'll give it to you on one consition

you fucking come with the mentality that all rainforests should be made into toothpicks

You better skip merrily out to my backyard, go to the nearest tree and say

>Ew. I hate trees. Nature disgusts me.

Then laugh as you cut it down along with the rest of them. promise me this.

>>20152270
Hahaha that's easy

>>20150464
i want a pic of op now

>>20152285

You say this but you'd need to fucking make me believe it

>fucking push my ass onto the couch you'll destroy later
>force feed me liquor and tell me how much your gonna enjoy turning my backyard into a landfill

>>20152324
Nature is fucking annoying anyway. I want to be able to drink my starbucks and tan without bugs landing on me. Concrete all the things!

>>20152395

HRG! I just felt a thump in my pants. please keep going. That is already a great start

tell me...should the redwoods and rainforest be protected.

>>20152431
Is this going to happen or is this just you fantasizing because I'm ready to turn your back yard into a parking lot already

>>20152463

OK fine. Jesus. Just dont kill my boner.

Give me your email and i'll give you confirmation

>>20152657
Sorry I was afk
I won't kill your boner, just everything else you own

>>20152707
[email protected]

>>20152722

And confirmation sent.

>>20152770
Dammit
I meant rocketmail
Sorry!
Or am I? ;)

>>20152804

Sent once again

>>20152834
Didn't get it yet
Which is like so frustrating
I just wanna jerk you off while making you cry
[email protected] ?

>>20152834
Oh I got it

>>20152858

Jesus you're being a horny little slut...

...I love it

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Sounds like a fantasy to me.. Show some proof of anything.. Any little bit of proof and we are getting somewhere..
Like a pic of you and your hummer.. Holding a hammer.. Then I'll believe this shit.

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>>20152909

This is just a small example. Not exact but close.

Why? are you a woman and are you interested?

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>>20151590

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>>20152925
I might be if you post a non generic picture of you and your hummer holding a hammer...

>>20153064

I used that as an example.

I know it's not supposed to be my house.

>>20153078
You+hummer keys... And wink.. Then I'll give you my email and we can talk more. Otherwise I'm going to bed.

No time for a lame sleeping on me :)